Original subtitles

I have to be at school at quarter to eight. I know, and I have an 8 .30

interview.

I'll sleep right through the alarm.

No, no, I'll call and wake you.

We really should call it a night. I know, but I can't keep closing the door

this one every night.

Actually, I'm closing the door on you.

What can we do about this? There is a way out, you know.

The suicide pact.

Yes, they say that marriage is a civilized suicide pact. We have talked

marriage, you know. We actually did say we were going to get married, didn't we?

Yes,

we did.

Well,

the question is when.

Oh, yeah, that's right. That always comes up and messes it all up.

I know. How about two weeks from tonight, November the 1st?

All right.

Good.

It's election time. I have to cover them.

How about first weekend in December?

Oh, that's no good because the Board of Education has a remedial reading program

and I have to give a speech. I understand.

I understand. Later in December.

Oh, no, no, no. That's too close. Oh, Christmas.

How about the 4th of July?

Thanksgiving. I promised my parents I'd go home on Thanksgiving.

Oh.

You do want to get married, don't you?

Yes, don't you?

Yes, I do.

But boy, I don't know.

Every time I say something, you just keep coming up with some kind of an

not to.

I do. You're the one who keeps turning down dates. I think you're being very

negative. Negative?

I'm the one that's trying to... Back out.

I think you're getting cold feet. That's what I think.

November 9th.

Why November the 9th? Well, because that's the only one we haven't rejected

already.

Okay. Okay.

Okay!

Tommy, don't eat so fast.

I've got to eat fast. My stomach's used to it.

You too, Susan. Come on now.

Hey, I'm trying to get to school on time, as you're always suggesting.

Bye, everybody.

I've got a hot date today. A hot date? It's only 8 o 'clock in the morning.

Well, it's after breakfast before class date.

No, no, but you shouldn't date on an empty stomach. It's bad for the

Sit down.

What is this sudden fixation with food, Dad?

Well, it's important, that's all. I mean, you should have a big breakfast.

Good morning.

Morning. Anything left to eat?

See, David agrees.

Agrees to what? About food being important. We should always start the

with a nice big breakfast.

Oh, well, you said to be here for breakfast. Here I am.

Dad, why do I have the feeling that all of this talk isn't about how fast we eat

breakfast? Yeah.

Come on, Dad, what's up?

I'm leaving. Nobody ever keeps Chris Green waiting.

Wait, wait. Sit down.

Well, Abby and I wanted to say this together, but she's not here and you're

running off, so I better just say it by myself.

I shouldn't. I should wait and say it with her. But what do you think I should

do? Say it now? Or should I say it with her?

Say what?

I'm glad you asked.

On November the 9th, Abby and I are getting married to each other.

Thank goodness.

It's about time.

I thought you'd never ask her.

Dad, that's three weeks away.

You sly devil, you.

Good morning.

Congratulations.

I get to be the maid of honor. No, I do, I do. Oh, I'm sorry. I promised my best

friend, Dottie Gordon, when we were little, we promised each other.

where are you going?

To feed my...

Congratulations. How did you

know?

Mary called me. Boy, everybody in the building knows. What did you do? Issue

inter -office memo or something? Oh, no, no. I did much better than that. I told

Thelma in accounting.

Yeah.

Ow. Why did I do that?

Dr.

Maxwell on the phone.

Oh.

Thank you.

How did you know I was going to congratulate you?

How did you know I was getting married?

Joanie invited me to the wedding.

Listen, Tom, I can get you a great deal on blood tests.

Now, look,

to start with, it was okay that you invited Dr. Maxwell because naturally we

were going to invite him anyway. But from now on, it would be nice if you

discussed it with us first. Yeah, I know, I know, Devin.

to tell someone, you know, and I couldn't tell him without asking him,

Yeah, that's right. But don't tell anybody else.

See, we've decided it should be a very small wedding. How small? Well, 20. 50.

Uh, 50. Or 20.

50. Oh, 50, 20, 50.

Of course.

But we just don't want to have a big mob for the wedding. Oh.

See, we want it to be a very small, very simple affair.

Really? Mm -hmm. After all, it's the second time around for both of us. No

having a big extravagant wedding.

So what do you guys think?

All right, now here's what we'll do. We'll have a nice small group at the

and a slightly larger group at the reception.

But we could really use your help. Yeah, it's not easy in order to fix up a

house like this for a reception. Hey, Dad, don't you think that we should have

the reception outside of the house?

Oh, no, this house can hold 20 people. I mean, 50 people.

I know, but just think of all those people spilling drinks on the floor and

stomping out cigarettes.

And then who's going to clean it up?

Hey, Tom, I think Mary's got a really good point. I mean, why worry about the

house? I'm sure we could find a small, inexpensive room someplace, huh?

Sure, we could find one, but who has the time? The wedding is in three weeks.

We'll take care of everything, Dad.

Really? You know how we are when we get mobilized.

Yeah, I've seen you all in action.

All right, but nothing fancy. I don't want any waiters running around in red

velvet jackets and crystal chandeliers.

No, I promise it won't be anything...

In bad taste.

Well, I'm going to keep you on a strict budget.

Abby and I will take care of the liquor and the invitations, and you kids can

take care of the reception.

But remember the two important words now.

Small and dignified. Repeat it after me.

Small and dignified.

Small and dignified doesn't necessarily mean tacky, right?

Joanie, don't you think we ought to find out what they really want?

I don't think they know what they really want.

So, I've taken the opportunity to jot down a few ideas, okay?

All right, Susan, um, can you contact a florist and get us some estimates on the

church? Yeah. Okay, great.

Um, Mary, could you find us a photographer?

Will you settle for a moonlighting intern?

Yeah, but just make sure he's good, okay? All right, uh, David, can you

transportation? Joni, this isn't a military invasion.

We have to move the wedding party from the church to the reception hall. Well,

how about choppers with sign cards?

Come on, you guys. Let's help her out. Yeah, come on.

Well, weddings aren't exactly our forte.

What?

Ignore them. Just ignore them. Come on. I have a really important job for you.

Now, that's the hall. All right. Okay, you go through the phone book, and you

look for reception halls, lodge halls, hotel banquets, gymnasiums, anything you

can find. Wait.

Gymnasiums? Joanie, small, remember?

Yeah, small gymnasiums.

Okay, now for the shower. Elizabeth, could you help me? No.

And then I won't need... No, I'm saving you for the bridal car.

I can't drive a car.

No, don't drive it, Nicky. You know, just decorate it, okay?

I can't. I don't even know what it is.

It's a revolting custom, and it's part of a revolting ceremony that I won't

any part of. What's wrong with her?

And that goes double for me.

Oh, hi, Nicholas.

Listen, would you do me a favor?

Get me a little screwdriver. This is too big, okay?

Oh,

thank you.

Well, one thing about weddings, it gets you to fix up the place.

When will you be finished?

Well, in about 18 days, I hope.

Otherwise, I'll be doing this on my honeymoon.

Will you have time to help me with my costume?

What for?

Halloween. I want to be an orphan.

Oh, well, that's easy.

Just wear old raggedy clothes.

Will you help me?

Well, I can't now.

There's a loose draping rod in the living room.

If Mom was here, she would help.

Or if she were busy, she would tell you to do it yourself.

Would Abby help?

Well, if she would... Yeah, I know. If she wasn't so busy.

Mom would help.

How much more?

Oh, I want you to do it right about to here, but on both sides.

Both sides?

Mm -hmm. The same way.

Right to here.

Boy, when I was discharged from this place, I never thought I'd be back doing

hard labor.

It's just for appearance sakes. We don't want Abby to think she's moving into a

decrepit joint.

Oh, listen, what are you doing on November the 9th?

The 9th? I'm going to your wedding. Why?

Well, I figured that if you do a good job here, I might consider letting you

my best man.

Both sides of the house?

Both sides.

Right to here.

What's it for?

A present for Abby and Dad.

Huh. What's it gonna be?

I haven't quite figured that one out yet.

I bet they won't like it.

Hello.

Here are all the liquor stores within a radius of two miles.

Oh. Would you please tell me what you're doing?

Hello, Donna. Hi. Yes.

I'm comparison shopping. This is to keep my cost per unit down.

Yeah.

That's very scientific.

It's very interesting.

Let me explain.

Yeah.

You see, we're inviting 75 guests to the wedding.

Now, that equates to 75 spending units.

Now, when you factor in liquor, food, flowers, and miscellaneous costs, right?

Then you amortize the cost of the hall over the 75 spending units.

Well, Doc, from the looks of these costs per unit, I think you ought to do a

little real work, because I think you're going to need the money.

All right, you take it.

Part -time counter girls at a pizza joint.

No, no, no, that's too much work and not enough money.

Oh, come on, Joanie.

We've got two weeks, and we sure can't finance a wedding reception on our good

looks and charm.

Here it is. Look.

Part -time advertising, good -looking girls, lots of charm. That's it.

Yeah, but what is it?

It's exactly what we've been looking for.

All right.

I'll bring the rape whistle, and you get the heavy tote bag.

Okay.

four to seven on weekdays, ten to six on Saturdays.

Hours okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

How do you look in tights?

Great.

Both of us.

Okay. You're the split, you're the moat. Three dollars an hour.

Well, you want the job?

Yeah.

No problem.

That is.

All right, Gloria will get your costume. Tell her to send in the next girl.

And it's hokey.

Look, to you, maybe, but I haven't lived yet.

I've got to start somewhere.

So, get engaged and start with your own stag party.

If you want to knock yourself out for Dad, be my guest.

But I'm telling you right now, he's not going to get behind it.

Look, David, if you want to be that way, that's fine. I can do everything

myself.

But would you please just do me one favor before I go?

What?

Can you tell me where I can find a girl and a cake?

Tell me. Sit down.

I think there's something you should know.

I don't want this to come as a shock, but... Dad isn't a 25 -year -old on his

first date.

He's over 40.

He's been married.

And he has eight kids.

He most definitely knows what it's all about.

Obviously, he doesn't know everything. He has eight kids.

Mary, he wanted eight kids. At least that's the party line.

Well, supposing he wants eight more?

We don't have room for eight more. Yeah, we don't have room for one more.

Especially if it's a girl.

Yeah, well, what if it's a boy? There's no space in your room.

It won't be a boy.

We run to girls in this house.

Hey, you guys, this is really none of our business.

And besides, Dad and Abbie are going to do what they want to anyway.

Yeah, well, where does that leave us?

I don't know, but if it is a girl, she'd better move in with the youngest

female. That's Elizabeth.

Yeah, well, then I'd have to move in with Susan.

And then Joanie would have to move in with Mary.

Yeah, and then if you get married, I have a rule of my own.

Until the second baby.

Then Susan would move in with you, and Elizabeth with Nancy.

Oh.

Yeah, then I'd have to get married.

Well, someone has to find out.

Spy on dad?

Not spy, actually.

Just... Find out.

David, we decided yesterday that you're the logical choice.

What's so logical about me trying to find out what's going on with Dad's sex

life? No, not the what of his sex life.

Just the results, huh?

David, consider Dad's sanity.

I mean, it's marginal with eight kids, right?

Well, what do you think would happen with nine?

But I can't tell Dad what to do with his personal life.

Well, we don't want you to.

We just want to know, you know, what his plans are.

Yeah, but do I come right out and ask him?

We can't tell you how to do it, David.

I wish someone would.

Sure, I'll help you, Nicholas, but Dad should have offered to.

He said he's too busy.

Everyone is.

Everyone's chasing around like crazy and acting like Mom never existed.

She sure is going to be mad when she gets home.

Nicholas.

Mom isn't coming home.

She might change her mind.

She can't, Nicholas.

Mom will come home if she could, but she can't. Yes, she can, and you know it.

No, Nicholas.

No one can take Mom's place, but she's not coming back.

Yes, she is. She's a good mother, and good mothers don't leave their kids

forever and ever.

Excuse me, that was Dean.

Look, as I said before, I will not bother with weddings of under 250

Oh, at the rate we're going, we're sure to have more than that.

Maybe we better talk to Dad first, Joanie.

Oh, absolutely not. I mean, he turned this thing over to us, and we're going

do it right.

Well, I'll require a deposit right away. I usually have more than 10 days to

plan my motif.

What kind of a hall did you say this reception would be in?

Well, we're still not sure yet. You see, I'm still looking.

We must decide quickly, mustn't we? We do have tables to plan, don't we? This

a favorite of mine. This was used on the Bel Air circuit last month.

Film stars.

Very big.

Flew me in in Frank's jet.

Now, I had a large salmon aspect at either end of the table, black caviar

and then in the center, an ice statue of the bride and groom, nude.

That might be too Hollywood.

Definitely to Hollywood.

Well, we could do the traditional bride and groom.

How much does the traditional cost?

Well, two to four hundred dollars, depending upon size.

What would you say to a traditional orange blossom centerpiece?

I'd say find yourself another caterer.

That's what I thought you'd say.

Oh, excuse me, my phone.

Joanie. I think we'd better find out how much all this is going to come to. I

know, but look, we'll be able to pull it off.

We'll just, we'll cut down on the flower budget and the hall rental to make up

the difference, huh?

You're the boss.

Harry Richardson. Who is Harry Richardson?

Who are all these people? They're from my parents' list.

They wanted to invite more, but I held them back to a hundred.

A hundred?

Oh, they also wrote and wanted to know if we would use a friend of their

minister's from Pasadena, a Reverend Corbett. No, no.

Reverend Lowell is our family minister. We're getting married in his church.

We'll use them both.

Oh, boy, your family's really getting into the act.

Well, the wedding does traditionally belong to the bride's family.

So why is the groom's family doing all the work?

Oh, Tom, you're going to get along great with them. You know, they're coming in

a few days early, and I thought we could fix dinner for them here.

We're not very Pasadena posh.

That was uncalled for. I'm sorry. It's just that I don't know. Your family

sounds like long -distance trouble.

I wouldn't worry too much about long -distance trouble if I were you.

Why?

Because we've got some right here at home.

Huh? Why? What do you mean, why, why?

Well, I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to get all worried or

anything. What, what, what?

Well, it's Nicholas and Elizabeth.

What about them?

Neither one of them will talk to me.

What's it going to be?

Well, I'm not quite sure, but it's going to be a wedding present for Abby and

Dad. You never made a wedding present for Mom and Dad.

But I wasn't even around.

Nicola?

I'm busy.

Oh, and listen, I want to talk to you. I said I'm busy.

It's important.

Elizabeth,

could you put the book down?

It's homework.

Well, I just want to talk to you for a moment.

I've been so busy with the wedding plans and everything, I didn't realize that

you're not as excited as everybody else.

Yeah, well, I guess I've just been kind of involved with other things.

Something wrong, Elizabeth?

Not with me.

Okay, then with whom?

What are you asking me for?

Because I think you know.

Come on, don't play games with me.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong, okay?

And if everyone will just leave me alone, I'll be fine. Is that too much to

No, that's a fair request.

Thank you.

Now, can I please get back to my homework?

Please.

Really dumb, Joan.

Pretend you're lying on a plate and you feel this ice cream melting down

around you.

It's pure method acting.

Now, what's your motivation?

Three dollars an hour.

You'll never be an actress again.

Stop by for dessert at the Sweet Tooth Dessert Shopping.

Yeah, you'll love it. Oh, come on, let's just get into it. Come on, you're a

banana split.

Tony, I just don't feel like a banana split. Well, it's all in your attitude.

Here, watch me.

Hi.

Stop by for dessert at the Sweet Tooth Dessert Shop.

This stuff's poison.

Refined sugar, starch, cholesterol?

No, thank you.

Where'd it go, Moe?

Best place in town.

Oh, yeah?

You work there?

Well, not exactly.

Bye.

Bye.

Flirty is not what I meant by motivation.

Well, Johnny, you play it your way and I'll play it mine and we'll just see who

gets rid of more of these.

A wedding?

Yeah, my father's getting married.

Your father's getting married. That's very cute.

For the second time.

Oh, well, if at first you don't succeed.

Mr. Corelli, you see, I need to find a place for the reception, and my price

range is kind of limited, so... Yeah, all right. Now, we don't generally rent

out the gym for non -competitive sports.

But maybe we can make an exception.

The season tickets are down this year. The Muskrats are having a tough season.

I lost three seniors this year.

My center's got knee problems.

And would you believe it? We lost two games in overtime.

I mean, we're up by five, right? We have the ball. A minute and 30 to go on the

clock. Mr.

Corelli.

Yeah, all right. Okay, when did you say the date was? November 9th.

November... Oh, Lord, it's a big game with St. Francis Academy, 8 o 'clock.

Oh, Lord.

Wait, hold on a second.

Maybe we can work something out here.

What do you mean?

How many people you got coming to this wedding?

About 400.

400 times.

I got a terrific idea.

Terrific. We give you the gym and we get 400 times. Mr. Crowley, what are you

talking about?

You can be the halftime show.

Mr. Corelli. No, no, why not? We'll supply the band, the crowd.

Hey, I'll throw in a couple of cheerleaders, huh?

Hey, come on back. I was only kidding.

No, I wasn't.

I think you kids are doing a great job.

Matter of fact, I think all couples should let their children handle their

weddings.

Well, what can I do for you, Tommy?

Nothing medical, I hope.

Oh, no, no.

It's just that, well...

You know, this is Dad's wedding, and the girls are giving Abby sort of a shower.

Well, Dad may feel neglected.

Tommy, you're not suggesting we give a shower to the groom, are you? Oh, no,

no, no, but... Well, do you remember when you first got married?

Well, it was 25 years ago.

Well, frankly, I guess it is getting a little blurry.

No, what I mean is, didn't your friends sort of get together and...

Oh, now I see what's on your mind.

You were suggesting a bachelor party, right?

Right.

Tommy, you son of a gun. That is a terrific idea.

Terrific. Oh, I don't know. It's hard to tell with Elizabeth.

I mean, she says everything is all right.

With her, that usually means that everything isn't all right.

She's a very sensitive girl.

I remember once she was edgy for a few weeks, and we all thought maybe she had

blow -up with her boyfriend or something, but that wasn't it.

She was worried about a little pen pal down in Columbia, a little girl that she

had never met. She was worried that she was injured in an earthquake.

Tom, you don't think it's me, do you?

Oh, no, Abby. She loves you.

All the kids do.

Yeah, I know, but I mean...

I was never really a threat to their mother's memory until now.

No, that's not it at all.

She's 16 years old.

Everything at that age is a trauma.

She'll snap out of it.

Just leave her alone. Everything will be all right. Okay.

Hey there, champ.

You better get cleaned up before bedtime.

You're looking for Nicholas. He just ran past me.

Anybody home?

No. I can't talk to you this way, Nicholas.

I don't want to talk.

But I do.

I need to.

Please? Go away.

All right, I'll talk to you this way.

As a matter of fact, I've been meaning to talk to you ever since yesterday

afternoon, but I just haven't been able to find you.

I've been so busy planning this wedding that...

haven't been much help with Halloween.

And if you've had a problem, I haven't noticed it, I guess, and I'm sorry about

that.

But, Nicholas, that doesn't mean that I stopped loving you.

I love you very much, and nothing will ever get in the way of that.

You know that, don't you?

This has been a happy time for me, Nicholas.

I've been very lonely.

And I know that you kids miss having a mother, too.

I have a mother.

You had the best of all mothers, Nicholas.

The very best.

But she's gone now.

She's coming back.

She can't come back, Nicholas.

Yes, she can.

Good mothers don't leave their kids forever and ever.

She hasn't left you, Nicholas.

Not completely.

We've still got our memories of her.

She'll always be a part of us.

She always will be, Nicholas.

But that's not enough.

Nicholas, I know how you feel.

We both miss Mom very much.

But she's gone, son. She's gone for good.

Won't Mom be mad if you marry Abby?

No.

I don't think so.

I think she'll be happy.

Because she knows that it's going to make me happy.

And you know what?

I think Mom will be happy because... Well, she'll know that Abby is kind of

filling in for us as a substitute.

She knows how much you need one.

How much we both do.

So listen.

Come on down out of that tree before the neighborhood runs out of candy.

After Nicholas and I canvass the neighborhood, Nicholas goes straight

kitchen, goes right to Abby, and he offers to screw this candy with her.

in half. Right down the middle.

I tell you, I think they're going to grow to be very close. Don't you?

Don't I what?

Oh, gosh.

Drink your beer.

Sorry, I was thinking about something else. Well, if you can think about

anything outside of this wedding, you're the only sane member of the family.

I was thinking about the wedding, sort of.

Sort of?

Yeah, I was wondering what you intend to do afterward.

Oh, I'm not telling where the honeymoon is or when.

I don't want to know.

Well, what then?

Well, uh... All the kids were wondering, uh... After Abby moves in...

Yeah?

Well, uh... What are you gonna do about, um... About, uh...

Sleeping arrangements?

Oh!

I'm not giving up the left side of the bed.

What are you trying to say?

I'm not supposed to be saying anything. I'm supposed to be finding out.

Finding out what?

Look, if this is supposed to be a father and son talk, isn't it supposed to be

the father that initiates it, not the son?

Yeah.

But it's not the son that's getting married.

Oh, I see.

Well, all right, then I'm ready. I'm listening. Go ahead. Tell me.

All right, well, we... All of us.

Are you and Abby going to have more kids?

Well, uh... I don't know.

Okay, that's what I was supposed to find out.

I have to... get back to work.

See you later.

Hello? Yes, this is the Bradford residence.

No, Joni and Nancy aren't here right now. Who's calling?

An affair by Keith?

Look, Mr. Keith, I don't know anything about your arrangements. So what?

How many people did you say?

Sounds like a very glamorous affair.

You know, I was going to suggest that you wait until my sisters got home, but

now I think it would be much better for you to talk to my father. He'd love to

hear your plans.

Uh, yeah, that's right. Thomas Bradford, Sacramento Register.

No, don't call.

I think you should talk with him in person.

Goodbye.

Better wear your crash helmet, Keith.

Stupid.

Yes?

Look, I told you that I would let you... No.

I will not wear an aquamarine cummerbund.

Listen, I just finished talking to you. I said I'd let you know.

Well, if I wasn't talking to you, who was I talking to? Isn't this bridal

rentals?

Satin and lace rentals? I never heard of you.

No, I never had an affair by Keith.

Who's Keith?

A caterer?

I never hired a caterer.

Affair by Keith.

Did you hear that?

No. No, I never listen to your phone calls. Some woman calls up and says, I

represent Keith, and we're having an affair or something. I don't know.

What do you want?

He's here.

Keith. Keith? You don't want to talk to him, right? Oh, wrong, wrong.

Hiya, Keith. Who hired you? And you're fired.

I was hired at this gig by two young women, Ms.

Joni and Nancy Bradford. Now, they did leave me a deposit, but when they called

back and...

Said to add tables for an extra 75 guests. Well, I do need a bigger... 75

guests? Yeah, well, that's in addition to the 400 they originally ordered. 400?

And 75.

475 people? Yes, so, Mr. Bradford, I don't think one tent will be enough. I

think you need two. Two tents?

Listen, Buster, this is a wedding, not a circus.

Abby, I will not put up with this. With what? I am not having an affair by

Keith. An affair?

Oh, that's what? With Keith?

With Tom or Dick or Harry or Keith.

I've already ordered.

Well, an order.

Well, I'll have to talk to the two young women. No, no. I'll speak to the young

women. Well, it would be a shame to cancel everything.

Could be a wild scene.

Oh, it's going to be a wild scene.

I don't even know who to talk to.

Why do you stand there looking at me?

An affair by Keith.

Okay, that's the show.

Now, the reception.

Nancy, how's the hall coming?

Well, um, Dr. Maxwell said that he could probably get the golden room at his

country club. Oh, great, the country club. Okay, look, now, has anybody

to David about transportation?

Yes, he was planning on using our two family cars, his van, and he hired three

limousines. Um, you better tell him to make that an even four. And Susan, how

are you doing with the orchestra?

Oh, we got that one Keith suggested.

It's ten musicians playing 19 different instruments, and they can do it all from

rock to waltz. Great, great, that's all we... Is that Dad?

All right, I want to talk about Keith. Keith, how did you find out? I found out

all right. You really should have told us. Abby, we wanted to surprise you.

Well, that was some surprise.

But we did tell you that we wanted a simple wedding, right? Yeah, but we were

going to have a ten -piece orchestra.

A ten -piece orchestra?

Dad, they play 19 different instruments. I gave Keith a deposit.

You lost your money.

Oh, Tom, you can't do that to them. Daddy, you can't do that.

It's all I had.

That's not my problem.

But they meant well. They should have asked.

But they didn't, so we... They're my kids!

There won't be any wedding.

What? There won't be any wedding.

Willie Lope.

Maybe we should just call it off altogether.

Do you mean that? Do you want to call it off?

I don't know. Maybe we should.

Yeah, maybe we should.

No, what I mean is, look what's happening to us. I mean, we were

each other in there a minute ago, and the kids are heartbroken, and it just

seems that we start out trying to get married, and we end up breaking up your

entire family. I mean, if this is any indication of what kind of marriage this

is going to be, well, then... Then what?

Then we're in trouble.

Yes?

Elizabeth is there.

What do you mean she doesn't want to come home? You tell her she has to come

home. It's Elizabeth. She's at David's and she won't come home. Will she talk

me? Will she talk to me?

Well, can you?

I don't know what to do.

All right.

Thank you, David.

Goodbye.

Abby. What the devil?

I guess you didn't fix it, Dad.

Yeah, she's over at David's place.

What's she doing there?

I don't know.

Dad, I know that we should talk about this more, but Joni and I have to get to

work. It's about 3 .30. Yeah, 3 .30. My parents' plane landed an hour ago. What

are you going to tell your folks? I don't know.

Well, Abby.

They're not going to all fit in my car.

Oh, all right, here. Why don't you take mine? Okay.

I mean, all we wanted to do was make the wedding beautiful.

Now that we've messed things up, we don't have to worry about a wedding.

Daddy wants the elope.

What's elope?

It means you sneak out the window on a ladder.

It means, Nicholas, that they don't want to get married with all of us around.

They run away.

From who?

From us.

Hey, look.

The most important thing is that they love each other and they want to get

married.

We've got to let them know that we want it, too.

And we won't be upset if they elope.

How about we plan a reception for when they get back, huh?

Joanie.

Oh, little one?

It's not Patrick Ewing.

It's the state capital, Filty.

They had to put it someplace.

Oh, uh, Filty, I have a surprise for you.

You and I are going to hire a cab and take an unguided tour of the city.

You don't have to patronize me.

I know Catherine and Sandra Sue want to be alone.

Eight children.

In this day and age?

Oh, Mom.

You look so good. But you don't. I was expecting a glowing bride.

Shows, huh?

I'm afraid it does. What is it? What's happened?

Can't Dottie be your maid of honor?

Mom, I don't think we're going to get married.

What?

Did we send too large a guest list? Yeah, but that's not it.

Did you have a fight?

Yeah, but not before C. It was after.

After what?

Oh, after we found out what the kids were doing.

Sandra, sir, I'm getting very confused.

We just wanted this very simple wedding, and the kids planned this very

elaborate one.

As a surprise.

Yeah, was it ever.

And see, one of the girls is very upset about the whole thing, you know, and so

she ran away from home.

Look at me.

Do you love Tom?

Oh, Mom, after Frank, I... Well, I never thought

I'd ever love anyone else, and then I met Tom, and he's just...

Well, he's so sweet, and he's just so

kind. Well,

that's not it. The usual words just don't say it right, you know?

It sounds like love.

Oh, yeah.

It's the first ingredient of a good marriage, and the rest is just hard

Oh, Mom, I really want work, but...

I just don't know what to do, you know?

Well, the only advice I can give you is make up the quarrel before you get

married.

I thought it was make up the quarrels before you go to bed.

That, too.