Original subtitles

What, Tommy?

Nicholas, can I borrow your alarm clock?

Oh, why?

So I can get up early so we can have a chance to talk.

We never get to talk.

Oh, well, I can talk to you now. I'm awake.

We can't talk now. It's after midnight. You've got to get your sleep.

Well, if I have to get my sleep, what did you wake me up for?

Because I didn't want you to be worried when he found your alarm clock missing.

Nancy, get out of there.

And then they're long enough.

Dad, if you don't get Nancy out of the bathroom, we're going to melt down her

eye shadow. She keeps erasing her face and starting over again.

Dad, something terrible happened to David.

Hey, Dad, can we talk?

Wait just a second, Nicholas. How terrible?

Well, he can't work. And he may lose his apartment.

Dad, you're sick and stuff. Can we talk now?

What happened?

The bricklayers went on strike and David won't cross the picket line. Right.

Oh, Dad, would you please call him? I mean, I know he's standing on his

principles, but he might end up sleeping in the street. Yeah, sure. I'll call

him right away. Just a second.

You know what's the matter with this house?

What? There's no way to get up before things start.

David doesn't answer.

Well, I'll stop by his apartment between my morning classes.

Invite him to dinner.

David's too proud for charity. What charity? We'll make him wash the dishes.

No, no, tell David that he can have my dinner. I won't be here.

Oh, you don't have to make that big a sacrifice, Dad.

Who's sacrificing? I'm taking Mrs. Abadar to dinner.

Oh, Dad,

driving what?

Sedan. No, no, you promised a sedan to me. Remember, I'm going to the play

tonight. And you promised a station wagon to me.

I've got to take five people to a ball game tonight.

Now, you know what you say about keeping promises.

Look, I can't take a woman out without a car.

No problem. Well, then, Dad, Abby's got that darling little car. She'd be glad

to take it.

No, no, wait. Can't we talk this over?

I'll talk to you, Dad.

Oh, thank you, Nicholas. What's on your mind?

What did I look like when I was a baby?

Oh, well, yes,

you used to part your hair the same way I part mine.

That bad, huh?

Do you have a picture?

Do you need it right now?

Yeah, my teacher said to bring one into class.

All right, no problem. We have a whole baby album of you up in the attic.

You get it for him, Mary. I'm extremely late.

Bye -bye.

Well, little guy, let's go find your mug shots.

Guys!

Bathroom's free!

Well, that's the last time I rush.

David? Hey!

All right, don't touch me. I know karate.

Don't touch me.

Now, now, if you just put those things down and leave quietly, you won't get

hurt. No, listen, lady, I'm not a burglar. Oh, yeah? Well, how come you're

taking David's stuff, then? No, this is my stuff. We're moving it in. I'm

David's roommate. No, David doesn't believe in roommates of the same sex.

Watch it, Roger. Those hands are lethal.

You should see her typing.

Oh, David, is he your roommate, really?

We're sharing expenses until the strike's over.

Joanie, this is Roger Eason, a fellow hardhat.

Roger, Joanie, a fellow Bradford.

Your sister.

Oh, pleased to meet you.

I'm pleased to meet you, too, really.

I'm not usually so paranoid. Oh, no, that's cool.

I've never had my life threatened so attractively.

So, what do you do with yourself when you're not beating up burglars?

Oh, um, I study theater.

Really? I've done a little acting.

You have?

Yeah, well, mostly spear carrying, but I'd like to do more.

I don't know, just being around the theater turns me on.

Oh, I know what you mean.

You like Pirandello?

I, you know Pirandello. I love him.

He's so... Surreal.

Exactly. Yeah.

Exactly. His plays have the most incredible... Incredible sense of

existential... Quiet?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh,

Joanie?

Joanie? Huh?

Uh, I hate to interrupt, but, uh, well, there must have been some reason you

dropped in.

You're invited to dinner, you know.

Well, listen, why don't you bring Roger along?

Dad's going out and Nancy's on a crash diet. I'd love to.

Well, great.

Terrific.

Listen, why don't you come by at six o 'clock and... You know, six or so.

Thank you.

I'll see you then.

See you then. All right, six.

You didn't tell me you had a sister.

Five.

All right.

They all got the same phone number?

Hi. Hi.

Do I have time to take the key out of the ignition, or are you going to take

this right out from under me? Very funny.

Dad, I checked the garage and the attic.

Nicholas does not have a baby album.

Really?

I could have sworn there was an album.

Oh, there's lots of albums.

David has a big album.

I have a big album.

By the time he got to Tommy's, it was half full, but at least it was an album.

You know... Nicholas has three pitiful pictures. Come to think of it, the

of taking baby pictures did kind of wear off.

All the other kids in the second grade must have albums.

How's Nicholas going to feel?

Neglected. All I could find was a pair of ratty old sneakers.

Really? Do you suppose that we could...

No, Dad.

You can't bronze baby sneakers.

I had a reservation for one tonight. I'll need two now. Do you have them?

Okay, I'll hold it.

Oh, Dad, Dad, listen.

Your troubles are over. David has solved his financial crisis. Oh, I can use

some good news. He's taken on a roommate to share expenses.

Male or female?

David doesn't believe in roommates of the same sex.

Oh, Roger's very male. And David's bringing him over to dinner, and we're

on a date.

Oh, my gosh. Abby will be here in a minute.

Hey, Mary?

Yes? I checked through all that stuff in the attic. Are you ready to take

inventory? After dinner, boss.

Okay, to confirm. Thank you.

Well, what are we talking about?

Mary and I are having a garage sale. I was prowling around in the attic when I

suddenly realized that there's a small fortune in junk up there that we never

use. No, no, wait a minute. You said there was junk. I said there was a small

fortune.

Kid doesn't know much about geometry, but he's a whiz at capitalism.

Hey, don't complain. If you want out, just say so.

Are you kidding?

If I don't keep an eye on you, you'll sell the garage.

So what's the big deal who drives? This is 1977.

No, no, no. It's my responsibility as a gentleman to provide the transportation.

Dad, do yourself a favor and buy a subscription to Cosmopolitan magazine.

You're probably on the 10 squares men list.

And the ten worst dressed.

Here, Dad, try this one. Oh, no, please, give me that back.

No. Look, conservative minds like conservative toys.

Yeah, well, Mrs. Abbott is going to be thinking you're tailored by a museum.

The truth is, Dad, you've got a lot to learn about women. Oh, really? Well, if

that were true, young... Dad, Terry's parents are driving him to the ocean

Saturday, and he invited me to come and swim in the waves with them.

Oh, really? That sounds nice. That was nice of them. Okay.

Thanks, Dad.

Now, if I'm such an amateur about the female sex, then would you please tell

why there are so many... Oh, no, wait, Nicholas! No, you can't go to the ocean.

You don't know how to swim.

So? So. It would be too dangerous. You'd sink. I'm sorry. You can't go.

It's not my fault I don't know how to swim.

You know he's right. It's not his fault. Whose is it? It's my fault. I never

taught him how to swim.

Oh, here. You try on this shirt and that tie and it'll look great.

Here. No, would you take this tie back? Would you let me have my nice little

conservative tie? I was so happy with it. Oh, I'd be crazy.

I'm seven. How are you, Tommy? How are you doing? Pretty good. Good.

Hey, Dad, step on it. Your date's here.

Oh, gosh, this is embarrassing.

She's waiting in the hall, and I'm getting dressed.

If you can call it that.

Did Tommy say my date was here?

No, Dad's date.

Joanie, you have a date coming?

Yeah, David's new roommate.

Oh.

Well, David's roommate shouldn't have to wait alone.

Excuse me, Dad.

Mary.

This is Roger.

Roger, my sister Mary.

Hi, sister Mary.

You make it sound like a con fantasy.

Hi, Roger.

Joanie, dear, it'll be a pleasure.

Mrs. Abbott, Roger Eason. Roger, Mrs. Abbott. Hi, Roger. It's nice to meet

It's nice meeting you, Mrs. Abbott.

I hope you're staying for dinner.

Well, I'm afraid I can't.

Hi, David.

Who is everybody?

Oh, um, Susan, this is Roger. Roger, my sister Susan.

Sister Susan, you make this sound like a convent.

Where have I heard that before?

And each one lovelier than the next.

Say, how do you like your aluminum?

Oh, I like it. I need every advantage I can get.

I always wanted to try one of these.

Any place where we can hit a few?

Now?

Well, I'm available if you are.

Um, how about in the driveway?

Against the garage?

Okay.

Oh. After you.

Bye, David.

Well, hi, Mrs. Abbott. Hi.

Hi, David.

Uh, where's your roommate?

He's outside.

With Susan.

With Susan?

routine, I guess.

You know, having you take a message to my date is like having a great day and

deliver a lamb chop.

Well, don't jump on me.

It just so happens that your lamb chop is being devoured by our vegetarian.

Susan?

Right.

Well, it's a good thing one of us around here knows how to play hard to get.

Looks like Rogers made himself pretty popular around here. Well, I'd say your

sisters have made him aware of one thing.

This is not a convent.

Hardly.

Gee, I'm sorry I kept you waiting.

Believe me, Tom, I wasn't bored.

You know, you'd make me very happy if you'd let me drive.

I'm sure.

Go ahead. Oh, good.

Here you go.

Oh, look what happened.

The steering wheel got on the wrong side. Oh, it's a British car.

Oh, that's quaint. Very quaint.

Amazing. Well, I'll let myself in, Tom. It's okay. All right.

Okay, here we go. Are you excited?

Well, uh, yeah.

All right.

All right, good.

Now, I put this right in here.

Uh -huh. Oh, look at this. It's the standard shift. We're manual shift.

it's just your old -fashioned flipped -over H. First gear is up and away.

Okay, here we go then. Up and away. Put this on. I know, I know.

Well.

Hey,

what do you know?

Okay.

I think you started in third.

No, I put five weeks' time with first and second. Well, maybe you could...

And to the boy who parked the car.

You know, I think that's the first time in my life I was ever happy to turn a

car over to a parking lot attendant.

Hey, you know, it's really nice to be here.

It sure is.

Not a kid in sight.

Quiet is deafening.

I don't know how you do it, being a mother and father to all eight of them.

Well... The trick is to speak loudly and carry a small revolver.

No.

My only real concern is Nicholas.

Nicholas? Yeah. I feel like I've been neglecting him. This morning I realized

don't even have a baby album of him.

I never told him how to swim.

Oh, Tom, you're being too hard on yourself.

Hey, did you know that the average father spends 30 minutes a day with his

children?

In my case, that's less than four minutes per kid.

Well, it's not the quantity, it's the quality that counts.

And in the same study, it says that 58 % of all kids prefer television to their

own fathers.

Oh, that's awful.

Well, all I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't worry too much about Nicholas

I were you.

Yeah, why am I talking about my children?

Here we are alone for the first time.

I know.

Besides, who cares if Nicholas likes Captain Kangaroo better than me?

Hey, Tom, I like you better than Captain Kangaroo.

Oh, hi.

How's it going?

Terrific. Just terrific.

I thought this garage sale was supposed to be a partnership.

It is. You're a 33 % partner and I'm a 67 % partner. I came up with the idea

I'm providing the management services.

Then how come I'm carrying most of the load?

Hi.

Hi.

Had fun?

The play was great.

Forget the play.

How was Roger?

Well, if you must know, we're going out again next Sunday.

Instant replay, huh?

Cute.

Uh -huh.

In fact, we would be going out again Saturday.

Except Roger was busy.

I know.

Saturday.

We're going hiking.

Well, that's wonderful, Susan.

Absolutely wonderful, but not with my hiking boots, you're not.

Hiya, Nicholas.

Hi, Dad.

Nicholas, could I ask you a question?

Sure, Dad.

If you had to choose between me and television, which would you choose?

What channel?

What if we spend more time together? Would you like that?

Okay. What are we going to do?

Well, we'll make it a surprise.

What if today I pick you up after school?

Just the two of us.

What day is it?

It's Friday.

Why?

Oh, I was just wondering about all the shows I'll be missing.

Raj, I mean, don't feel you have to date them both just to be neighborly.

You know the trouble with you, David?

You're suffering a Laertes complex.

A what?

Laertes. He was Ophelia's brother in Hamlet.

He was very hung up about his sister's virtue.

Roger?

Look, Rog.

Their virtue is their own business.

But when it becomes a civil war, it's my whole family's business.

Go easy, okay, Rog?

It's the only way to go, right?

Okay, it's just I don't understand why... why you didn't tell me that you

date with Susan.

I was being nice.

Look, she asked me to go hiking. What could I say?

You could have said no.

Look, it's on a whole different level.

She's a nice kid, but... you're a woman.

A real woman.

Oh, listen, Joanie.

The first time I laid eyes on you, something stirred inside me.

Something strong.

Subtle.

Strong and subtle?

Mm -hmm.

Well, then, why are you going out with Joanie?

She's a sweet kid.

Why hurt her feelings?

She's not so sweet.

Believe me.

No, but she is.

You see, that's her trouble.

She doesn't have the vibrancy you have.

The spirit.

You may not believe this, Susan.

What?

The first time I laid eyes on you.

Hiya, Nicholas.

Guess where we're going.

To the YMCA. I'm going to teach you how to swim.

But I don't have my swimsuit.

That's all right. You don't need one.

You mean this was naked?

That's right. That's how Tommy and David learned. It's easier that way. You

don't have the trunks to weigh you down.

Okay, but if we get arrested, just remember, it was your idea.

Hey, this is great stuff, Mrs. Abbott. This grad sale could use a little class.

Yeah, well, wait till you see the second load.

Recycled 60s.

Well, if Elizabeth sold ballet slippers, they'll go. Anything will go.

Is your father home?

Oh, no, he and Nicholas went swimming, then to get some pizza, and then to a

ball game.

Ah, sounds like a party.

Yeah, well, Dad and Nicholas are into this father and son trip.

You think they'll survive?

Oh, sure, they'll grow out of it. It's just a phase.

Hey, listen, can I interest you in a bugle used only on Sundays by a little

Boy Scout?

Were you the little old Boy Scout?

No, David was.

Nicholas? If you say so, Dad.

Good luck.

Okay, Johnny.

Now I'm looking forward to it.

All right.

Bye, Angel.

Oh, I didn't hear you come in.

Well, I'm not used to knocking in my own apartment.

Yeah, listen, speaking about knocking, I don't suppose you could take in a movie

or something till about one o 'clock.

Well, I have a heavy date.

Oh, don't sweat it. I'm going out.

Yeah, you got a date?

That's right.

What does she look like?

Gorgeous.

Great. Well, thanks for meeting me here.

I'm the one who's getting the gourmet dinner.

Frankly, it was the best offer I had tonight.

Well, Mary, I suppose you're wondering why I asked you here.

Yes, David, I am a little curious.

All right, I've got a problem.

Your problem wouldn't, by any chance, be named Roger, would it?

No, I think his name is Laertes.

I can put up with Roger till the strike's over.

It's Joanie and Susan.

It's not just your problem, David. It's all of ours.

At the moment, it's Joanie's.

Back at the apartment, languishing in Roger's charms.

She's over 18, isn't she?

Look, the point is, it's hurting me to sit by and watch what he's doing to

I know an older brother is not supposed to get involved in his sister's love

lives.

I mean, how would you feel if you were seeing a guy and he... Lousy.

Look at David. Do you think he loves either one of them?

No.

Look, David, I don't know what you should do.

But I know that in this family, we all stick up for one another.

Even if it involves taking a little flack.

They're both going to hate me.

Oh, sure.

Till the next time they need $20, they need a taillight fixed.

Look at it this way.

Think of all the time and money you'll save having only three sisters that love

you.

Okay.

Now listen to this.

It was written by a Syrian poet named Hashi Al -Qatar.

Love is like the fragrance of the wind, at once fleeting and strong.

It's brief as a flash of sunlight on the burning sand.

And as everlasting as the desert night.

See, I think that all Qatar is talking about us here.

Because what we have is both fleeting and strong.

I'm sorry for interrupting, Joanie.

Listen,

David,

this is a private party.

Used to be private.

Hey, I'm sorry.

If I'm interrupting anything, I'll just go to the bedroom.

My bedroom.

You could just go, period.

Either you handle this or I'm going to. No, let me.

What's this story?

I thought you had a date.

I did.

I guess I just work a little faster than you do.

Well, that's terrific, Ace, but what about our arrangement? It's only 11 o

'clock. I repealed it.

Unilaterally.

Listen, Roger.

I care about my sisters.

When I started thinking about Joanie... Joanie? What does Joanie have to do with

this? So that's it?

Joanie puts you up to this, huh? That sneak, I'm gonna... Susan! What?

Joanie had nothing to do with it. Oh, of course she didn't.

Look, let me drive you home.

I'll explain everything.

I don't accept rides with strangers, thank you. I'll just, um, jog home if

don't mind.

Are you coming?

I think Roger has some unfinished business here.

Call me, okay?

See you.

All right, Laertes, let's clear the air. Get it out.

Good idea.

Because what I want to get out is you.

I think you'd better manipulate yourself into some other living arrangement.

Yeah, well, I don't like your suggestion.

It's no suggestion, pal.

It's a fact of life.

Okay, pal.

I got another fact of life for you.

I go nowhere without my share of the rent.

It's a pay -up or bug -off.

Oh, gosh, Abby.

That is one of the reasons I called you tonight. Now, listen, I don't think I

can have lunch with you tomorrow.

Let me explain why.

I've just got this thing with Nicholas going real strong now. It would be a

crime to stop, right?

Well, tomorrow I have promised him. Listen to this. It's going to be great.

promised him miniature golf, the zoo, and then another swimming lesson.

Isn't that great?

We should both go fly a kite?

Gee, that is an idea. He might love that. I think that maybe... Tony,

Where is she? Oh, hi.

Joanie! Where's her... No, Joanie, Abby, listen, where were we?

Oh, flying a kite.

You're welcome to join us.

All right, Joanie, that is score one for you. But from now on, this is total

war. War, you got that?

Oh, yeah, loud and clear.

Now, would you mind telling me what you are screaming about?

Go ahead and play dumb. I'm getting a little thick and tired of this Aja New

bit. You think David was a very tacky move.

David? What does David have to do with this? to do with this? Nothing.

That is just my point. So you can tell him and anybody else that you wish to

drag into this to mind their own business. Because nothing and nobody is

to come between Roger and me. Got that?

Oh, that's very romantic.

Very romantic.

But I wouldn't count on it, little sister.

Roger knows we like. So do I, big sister. And people I don't like, I don't

with.

Ciao.

Big deal.

Thomas, do we still have that umbrella tent Dad bought the time he promised to

take us camping?

Yeah, it's over there. I'm asking 75 bucks for it, including a certified

affidavit that this family never slept in it.

Well, you'll have to change that. I'm sleeping in it tonight.

Uh, no, no, I'm sorry, Susan, but I can't let you do that. You see, the

depreciation between new and used is brutal.

If you take it from me, the capital loss could be tragic.

Tommy, I'm just a little too hassled right now to be hassled by you, okay?

Well, maybe we can work something out to fit your budget.

Tommy, I'm your sister.

Blood is blood and business is business.

Good morning. Happy Saturday.

Oh, boy, it's a beautiful day out.

What the heck?

There's a tent in our backyard.

You're right. That's the backyard, and that's a tent, Dad.

Isn't anybody going to tell me what it's doing out there?

Depreciating. It isn't living in it.

Any special reason?

Yes. To save her health.

To save her health, of course.

Cogito ergo sum, bananas.

Uh, what was that, Dad?

Well, as the famous philosopher once said, I think, therefore, I am going

bananas.

Hi, guys.

Hi. Hi.

Hey, listen, if you're gonna yell for Nicholas, let me get out of range first,

okay?

I can go in the kitchen and see if he's there.

I haven't had breakfast.

Worth a try.

usual. Help yourself.

Well, since he asked.

Want to practice today?

Can't. You gotta. Game's tomorrow.

My dad wants me to go with him today and tomorrow.

But you can't. Who's going to play third base?

That's your problem.

I already have enough of my own problems.

I may never see anyone else but my dad again.

Hmm. Guess we'll have to get Missy Capleton.

Missy Ca... Hamilton, you're giving my position to a girl with glasses?

What else am I going to do? It's not my fault you have to babysit your father.

You can't insult my very... first pair of ballet slippers by sticking them

a sign that says desperation sale. But those ratty old things that never sell

anyway. These authentic childhood mementos will sell a lot faster than

ratty old baseball cards.

But we're not selling my ratty old baseball cards.

Then we're not selling my slippers. I quit.

Well, you're fired.

Some people have all the luck.

Are you ready for launch?

Yeah.

All right.

Ten.

What the heck is a tree doing in the middle of the park?

Hold on a second, Nicholas.

You'll get your turn.

This takes a special touch.

Once you've got it, you never lose it.

Just like... rolling off a bike.

Nicholas playing Indian?

No. Susan's playing hermit.

Oh.

I guess I better try talking to her.

Uh, I wouldn't advise it.

I wouldn't advise talking to Joanie either.

As predicted, you're on two blacklists.

In other words, it's not the best time for me to move home.

You want to move home?

Not exactly.

But since last night, things are pretty uncomfortable around my apartment.

David, do you realize what's happening to this family?

Susan and Joanie are fighting over Roger.

Both blame you for sides you didn't take. Neither one of them is speaking to

you. You're practically exiled from your own apartment, not to mention the fact

that you're out of a job.

Elizabeth is about ready to quit.

Tommy's about ready to fire Elizabeth.

I'm trying to play peacemaker.

So they both hate me.

I'd say that...

The natives are getting pretty restless.

Hi,

Mrs. Abbott. Didn't see you there.

A little family discussion.

I'll tell Dad you were here. He said he'd call you tonight.

Oh, he'll probably be busy and, well... Well, I probably won't be home tonight.

You know, it's too bad.

Lately, you guys are like two ships that pass in the night.

Yeah, the Titanic and the Androids.

Okay,

here we are, Nicholas. You're Vanilla, right?

Uh -huh. There you go.

Dad, why does good things always cause trouble?

Huh?

Well... We like to spend a lot of time together, right?

Oh, Mr. Nicholas, the last couple of days have been the best days of my life.

And tomorrow is even going to be better.

How can it even be better if Missy Capleton is taking third base?

Nicholas, tell me the truth now.

If tomorrow you'd rather spend it in some other way, tell me.

I don't have to, Dad. I know how you've been counting on it.

No, no. I mean, if you'd be happier on third base, then that's where you should

be.

Thanks, Dad.

Okay. But listen, can I at least come and watch your practice?

Well, I'll have to ask the guys about that.

Oh, yes, do that.

And what about our swimming lessons?

Thanks, Dad. Can we wear bathing suits?

Well, didn't Mary give you my message?

Oh, I haven't even seen Mary. It is a beautiful evening.

Let's take a walk.

But where's Nicholas?

Asleep. He has a big game tomorrow. Come on.

Well, anyway, with Nicholas out of the way, tomorrow we're free now. We can do

whatever we want to do.

One triangle down and two to go, eh?

What? What do you mean?

Johnny and Susan.

Yeah, what about them?

Tom, don't you know?

They're at each other's throats over David's roommate.

Oh, well, they wouldn't be Johnny and Susan if they weren't fighting over

something. Last week it was pantyhose, now it's a boyfriend.

At least they're moving up into more mature territory, right? Yeah, but

just the beginning.

Look, Joni and Susan are also down on David, and Roger is forcing David out of

his own apartment, and Tommy is fighting with Elizabeth, and Mary is running out

of ways to keep the peace.

It'll work itself out. What time should I pick you up tomorrow?

Tom, don't you understand? Your whole family is falling apart.

You don't have time to see me.

Sure I have time. I'm seeing you now, aren't I? Yeah, but you shouldn't be.

Look, Tom, uh...

Your life is, uh, well, it's like a pie, and it's cut into eight pieces, see,

and, well, you're stuck right in the middle, and, uh... Well, see, I've,

I've thought a lot about this, and, um... I don't think there's a slice of

left for me.

Oh, come on, now. There's enough left of me to go around. At least five extra

pounds.

Tom, I'm serious.

I think we should stop seeing each other for a while.

Abby, you don't mean that.

Yeah, I do.

See, I need some time to think.

Can't you think with a friend?

Can't you think while you're teaching a friend how to drive an old -fashioned

flipped -over H?

There's a lot more to this than learning to drive a car.

Would you please take me home?

Sorry. Didn't expect anyone to be up.

I'll leave. Oh, no, no, no. It's okay.

Help yourself.

It's free country.

Bet it's cold out there.

Actually, it's invigorating.

How's the old room?

Lonely? Oh, actually, it's private.

It gives me lots of time to think.

So does sleeping on a sprinkler head.

You know, Joanie, we have been fighting over peanut butter sandwiches and new

blouses and places at this table ever since the first time they put me in your

playpen. Our playpen? As in our bedroom?

This is really dumb. I know.

I mean, how did we let this happen to us again?

Beats me.

Roger must have stirred something in us strong and subtle.

Well, Roger didn't give you that ridiculous line, too, did he?

It didn't sound so ridiculous at the time.

Oh, I know.

At least you didn't have to sit through Siri's answer to Rod McKeown, Hashi Al

Qatari. Oh, yeah?

Love is like the fragrance of the wind, brief as a flash of sunlight on

the burning sand, and everlasting as a desert night.

That's what I like best about Roger. He treats us both separate, but equal.

Oh, yeah.

I think we owe him a debt of gratitude. Oh, I'll say we owe him.

How do you want to pay him back?

Oh, I don't know.

But whatever it is, it has to be strong and subtle.

I love you.

Hi. Hi.

I know it was presumptuous of me to call you so late, but I just had to see you.

No, that's cool. I love late dates. They're spontaneous.

Hmm.

I brought the bubbly. That's what I call planning ahead.

And I brought the glasses.

What is this?

Well, do you need it spelled out? Yeah.

We've just decided not to fight over you anymore, Roger. Yeah, that wasn't fair

to any of us. Now think about it. This isn't the only solution that makes any

sense at all.

Yeah.

I've heard about these arrangements, but, uh...

I've never really been part of one.

The best is yet to come.

Hi.

Oh, not again.

David, I had absolutely nothing.

Hello, Roger, dear.

Boy, you know, starting a business sure gives a guy an appetite.

Yeah, well, everything gives you an appetite.

Where is everybody?

I don't know. They didn't punch out.

Oh.

Well, all right, I might as well start with you.

Now, listen, Tommy, I hear that you and Elizabeth are having problems.

No. Well, I mean, we were, but I finally backed down and gave her a raise.

You know, sometimes I think I'm too soft for my own good.

Oh, please, quiet now, quiet.

Quiet, I want to talk to everybody.

Okay, quiet.

Dad is making a speech. No, no, no, no, this is not a speech. I want to

apologize to everybody because the last few days I've been concentrating on

Nicholas and I've been neglecting all of you. Well, I want you to know that's

over and now I apologize and I want you to know I'm here to solve all of your

problems. What problems, Dad?

Well, for one thing, you and Susan, I hear that you've been having a terrible

feud.

Oh, not us, Dad.

No, we worked it out.

Oh, they worked it out. Good, very good.

David, I hear that you've been having a big problem with your roommate.

Oh, no, no, it's all worked out.

Roger's moved home to his mother.

He did, huh?

What do you know?

That's good. Mary, haven't I been putting too much responsibility on your

shoulders? No, Dad.

Nothing I couldn't work out.

Oh, Dad, you shouldn't worry so much.

We can work out our own problems.

Yes, you sure can.

You're so good at it, in fact, perhaps you'd consider working out my problem.

Maybe we can work out a deal to fit your budget.

Okay, everybody, no pushing or shoving. There's still plenty of time and still

plenty of great bargains. Check everything thoroughly, but don't pick up

anything you don't plan to buy.

I'd like to point out some of the great bargains over on the book table there

for you if you'd want to take a check.

Peter Rabbit?

Oh, it's a collector's item. Look, the first 12 pages are filled with

illustrated cartoons by Nicholas.

Well, don't tell Tommy.

For Reza Price.

Hi, Abby. I'm glad you decided to drop by.

Well, I promised Tommy I'd buy something, and that's all, Tom. Oh.

But you can help me shop.

Good. Then the day is not a complete loss. Can I interest you in a slightly

tent? Doesn't Susan need it? No, everything's all right now. Susan's back

room with Joanie.

David's back in his apartment.

So fast.

Well, how did you do it? Oh, it's an old Bradford motto.

Good things happen to him who waits.

If it happened for them, I figure it's bound to happen to me. So that's what I

want you to know, Abby.

That's where I'll be.

Waiting.

I'll remember that.

Okay, gross before business expenses leaves us with $83 .65.

That's all?

Well, hey, the small stuff went, but we couldn't get any action on the class

items. What class items?

All right, now deduct $52 .19 for overhead.

What overhead?

Fixed costs, like sales commissions, supplies, management services, which

us with a net total of $31 .46.

$31 .46.

That's hardly more than $10 for each of us.

No, that's more like $5 for the junior partners and in the neighborhood of

$20 for the front office.

Oh, wait a second, wait a minute. No, no, no. Now a deal is a deal.

67 % for the front office and 33 % for the minority shareholders.

We worked for two days. That's like $0 .35 an hour.

Well, that's the risks of business.

If you wanted a sure thing, you should have stuck with babysitting.

The front office.

Well, it's lonely at the top.

Know what I mean, sweetheart?