Original subtitles

(ocean waves crashing)

(explosion rumbles)

(sheets rustling)

- [Zack A.] Are you leaving?

I was gonna make us cookies.

- I'm on a diet, green juice and that's it.

- [Zack A.] Okay, (laughs) you're always on a diet.

- [Ben] It's called being healthy,

not like you know anything about that.

- [Zack A.] It's called hating everything good

about life, like cookies.

- [Ben] Listen, there's something

that we need to talk about.

- [Zack A.] Okay, don't tell me

that you hate sex now, too.

- No, I don't hate sex.

- [Zack A.] Okay, good.

- [Ben] I just hate it with you.

(Zack A. laughs)

- Oh.

- It's nothing personal, I'm just now realizing it,

I'm not physically attracted to you.

You're really just not my type.

- No, I get it, it's like I'm cool, but I'm ugly.

- I didn't say that.

- But you meant it.

- Just to me.

I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there

that'll find you attractive, I'm just not one of them.

- Wow.

- I think it's just, like, the fact

that I'm much hotter than you.

Like, normally with most guys, we're both hot,

but with you, I'm just, like, the prize.

You're like a Winnie-the-Pooh, adorable but with a tummy,

and you never have pants on.

I just wanted you to understand where I was coming from

because I'd be an asshole if I didn't explain it.

- Right, right, right, right, you'd be an asshole

if you didn't tell me how much I suck.

- Exactly, see? - Yeah.

- I'm glad you get it.

I mean, it'd be one thing

if you had a great personality, but-

- Oh, this is a really good talk.

- You're funny, but you're rude,

and you really shouldn't be rude if you're fat.

- Leave now.

- You see, you're trying to kick me out

when I'm just trying to give you some honesty.

- [Zack A.] You're right, I'm the asshole here.

- Well, goodbye, Zack. (keys jingling)

I hope you can get your life together.

(toilet flushes)

- I hope you live a happy life

with all the green juice you desire.

(door slams)

(Zack A. sighs)

(slow piano music)

I hate men.

♪ Wonder if I could be happy ♪

♪ Wonder if I could be true ♪

♪ Wonder if someone could hold me ♪

♪ Without it all falling through ♪

♪ They say it comes ♪ (phone vibrates)

♪ When you're not looking ♪

♪ They say you can't hurry love ♪

♪ Breaking my heart into bookends ♪

♪ Each and every time it shows up ♪

♪ It's lightening in a bottle ♪

♪ It's really something else ♪

♪ And every time it happens ♪

♪ I can't control myself ♪

♪ And it feels like, ooh ♪

♪ There I go again ♪

♪ It feels like, ooh ♪

♪ I'm in love again ♪

♪ Wonder if I could be special ♪

♪ Perfect in somebody's eyes ♪

♪ Wonder if someone could love me ♪

♪ For just the way I'm designed ♪

♪ Some people say that it's magic ♪

♪ Fairy dust, rainbows, and birds ♪

♪ Some people blame it on science ♪

♪ They say chemistry's how it works ♪

♪ It's lightening in a bottle ♪

♪ It's really something else ♪

♪ And every time it happens ♪

♪ I can't control myself ♪

♪ It feels like, ooh ♪

♪ I'm in love again ♪

- I mean, he's not wrong, sorry, just,

you've been a little all over the place lately.

All right, I'll be honest, you're a mess.

You've turned into a complete degenerate, Zack.

- A degenerate?

- Like, you're wearing clothes from middle school,

like that hat from Camp Bernstein.

You stopped going there when you were 14.

- Yeah, but I have great memories there, Kenny.

- All right, well, you know,

can't you have great memories and get some new clothes?

If I hadn't walked in on you fucking a dude on my couch,

I would have never guessed that you are gay.

- Well, I am, and also I'm sorry,

and also I'm sorry I never said sorry until right now.

- Hey, it was two years ago.

- I'm sorry.

- All right, look, I love you,

but this whole thing you got going on is really not okay.

You've got to seriously figure your life out,

and soon, because I'm tired of paying your rent.

- Yeah, but it's just until I sell my book-

- No, Zack, it's been a year, dude.

I've been paying it for a year. You've gotta get a job.

I've been looking for someone to manage my social media-

- No, no, I'd rather die, plus my 112 followers need me

to tell them about vampires, so.

- All right, well, then just find something

that makes you happy, please.

(phone rings) (upbeat music)

- Miss Kitlin's office.

Yes, please hold.

(phone rings)

Miss Kitlin's office.

Yes, of course, all right.

(phone rings)

Miss Kitlin's office.

Yes, I will let her know.

Yes, of course, bye.

(upbeat music continues)

- Lunch?

- I can't, Margie's got a client coming in during lunch.

- Hmm, typical.

- I will eat later.

- You always say that.

- I will.

- Mm-mm, you need to eat.

You're looking like "Jack and the Beanstalk,"

and I'm not talking about Jack.

- I look like a beanstalk, hilarious.

- What about drinks afterwards?

- I'm meeting Eric.

- Oh, are you still dating him?

- He's my boyfriend.

- He's so boring, my god, he's so boring

that I daydream about sleeping when I'm talking to him.

- It's not like he's a new guy.

We've been together for two years.

- And every day is another mistake.

- That is just your opinion.

- No, you think that too, okay?

You just date because he's safe, and guess what?

He won't break up with you and you love that

because you can't deal well with rejection.

- How do you know that?

- Oh, please, I see how upset you get every day

when Margie hates on your ideas.

- Well, I'm very happy, so.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, deal with that.

- Okay, well, one day you're gonna be married

with four cats, with no plans

for the 12th Friday in a row except for Netflix

and that god-awful stew he makes.

- Oh, god, not stew.

- Can you just trust me, okay, 'cause I can see the future.

That's why I'm your best friend. - Oh, you are?

- Oh, yes, honey,

people just wish they were as lucky as you.

- Uh-huh, I bet.

- [Margie] Zack, come in here.

- Ooh, you gotta go, have fun.

- Having so much fun.

(Ava laughs)

- Zack, sit.

- Yes, Margie.

- There's a showcase tonight and I need you to go for me.

- Yes, absolutely.

- But they're paying me to go,

so the check that you get needs

to be on my desk tomorrow morning.

- Yep, you've got it.

- And Zack.

- Yes, Margie?

- Don't call in anyone.

I'm tired of you believing in people, it's exhausting.

- I don't get it, you've liked every single person

that I've brought in.

- Yes, and I haven't signed a single one of them.

- And I don't understand why.

- And you'll never understand, just leave now.

- You got it.

(door rattles)

- [Zack A.] Why'd you have to start dating an actress?

They're the worst.

- [Kenny] Oh, stop, she's cool, you'll like her.

- Chances are I'll hate her.

I hated the last actress I met.

- Are you talking about the time you threw up

on Michelle Pfeiffer at brunch?

- She was so rude and I said I was sorry.

- [Chloe] You weren't even sitting near her.

- Okay, but I was trying to get outside,

and then she shrieked and screamed.

I hated her, I hate actresses,

and I don't know why you date them.

- Wait, what about me? You like me, right?

- Yes, Peter, I like you, you're not an actress.

- Yeah, but you'd still like me even

if I wasn't dating Chloe?

- Yeah, once again, you're not an actress

so it doesn't really make sense, okay?

Anyway, I'm gonna go get drunk.

- Do you mean you're gonna go get a drink?

- I mean what I mean.

- [Peter] Wait, can one of you tell me

if he actually hates me or not?

- So, (sighs) yeah, I think,

I think the plant is dying.

- Well, why did that story take 20 minutes to explain?

- Well, 'cause that's how I found out.

You see, it started last week when I bought it, and-

- Oh, I don't need to hear it again.

- Oh, oh. (both laughing)

I made us reservations at Danny's after.

- Who makes a reservation at Danny's?

- I do, it's Danny's Tuesday, or did you forget?

- No, I didn't forget.

I'm gonna go grab a drink, okay?

I'll be right back, okay?

[mutters indistinctly]

- I don't have any money.

I thought I did, but I don't.

- You already drank that drink.

- I know, and I'm sorry, but I just don't have any money.

- You did know.

I've never seen anyone drink a beer that quickly before.

It was like watching Charlie Sheen or something.

- That's not only offensive to the Charlie Sheen,

but also to me.

- Is there a problem here?

- Yeah, I don't have any money,

so I can't pay this delightful bartender.

- Screw you, dumb-ass.

- Ha, see, he's just delightful.

- If I cover his beer, can this all be over,

and get my glass of rose? - [Bartender] Sure.

- Then done.

- Oh, my knight in shining armor, it seems.

- Mm, honestly, I just want my drink.

- Well, thank you either way.

- You're welcome.

- I'm Zack.

(Zack M. laughs)

Is my name that funny?

Like, I know Zs are hilarious, but still.

- No, my name is Zack, as well.

- Oh, okay.

What do you know, two guys named Zack.

- Well, I'm sure there are way more than two.

- No, (laughs) I meant, like, right here, right now.

(slow piano music)

- Right, I was joking.

- [Zack A.] Very funny.

- Sure, yeah, no, terrible.

- It was really bad, I can't lie to you.

- [Bartender] Here's your wine.

- Thank you.

Well, I gotta get back to my boyfriend.

- Oh, shit, I was gonna ask you out for a drink.

- Didn't I just buy you one?

- Right, so I owe you one.

- Right, yes, yes, you owe,

yeah, I think you should pay me back sometime.

- Okay, tomorrow, Dingbat.

- Is that the name of the bar, or are you calling me a dingbat?

- That's the name of the bar, my friend.

- Ah, friend-zoning me already.

- Okay, someone has a boyfriend.

- Oh, well, someone seems to be very straight.

- Oh, this someone has clearly been flirting

with you for the past five minutes.

- Your shoes are very straight.

- Well, they are gay, as am I, so.

- I've gotta go, but tomorrow, the Dingbat, nine?

- Nine it is.

- Bring some money.

- I'll find some somewhere.

♪ 'Cause I'm in love ♪

(slow piano music)

♪ I'm in love ♪

♪ With you ♪

- She's great, right?

- I know you're actually dating the only talented girl

in the showcase.

- I know, showcases are whack.

- Because you've been to so many-

- Yeah, more than you have.

♪ Love, love ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ Here comes the avalanche ♪

♪ Gaining speed and ice and snow ♪

- She's really great.

- What about their pancakes?

That's just uncouth, it's dinnertime. (laughs)

♪ And we're falling ♪

♪ Watch out below ♪

(slow piano music continues)

(audience cheers) (audience applauds)

- [Zack A.] She was great.

We all know I could have sung the song even higher,

in a higher key, I could have done it,

and, like, I think we know that, right, guys?

(group chattering)

- [Lily] Hey.

- Cupcake.

You were a sensation, truly.

These are my friends,

Chloe and Peter. - Hi.

- [Lily] Hi.

- You were really good.

- Thank you so much, and you must be Zack.

- Hi, it's nice to meet you.

- You too, thanks for coming, you guys.

I really appreciate it.

- [Kenny] You guys want to grab dinner or something?

- [Lily] Love to.

(silverware clinks)

- Are you sure you're not hungry?

- Yeah, not for anything from here, at least.

That girl, Lily Avalon, she was really good.

- I just thought the whole show was a little bit of a bore.

We could have been doing something fun,

like binging that DVD set of hawks flying I just bought.

- Oh, wow, there's a DVD set of that?

- Yes, hours of hawks flying

around the world, pretty awesome.

- It sounds awesome.

You know, I have to go to these things for work.

- So quit your job. I can provide for both of us.

I make plenty from my job.

- It's not about the money, I mean, I love what I do.

- Zack, I want to talk to you about something.

- Okay.

- [Eric] I love you.

- I know.

- And.

- Oh, my god.

- Ever since I met you,

I knew we had something very good.

- Please don't do this.

- You're such a special person

and I love every moment we spend together.

- Just stand up right now.

- So Zackary Noah Mandel, will you marry me?

- I don't want to eat your fucking stew!

- My stew?

- Yes, the stew that you're gonna make me eat

until the end of time, and I die.

Please sit down. - Zack.

- I can't do this, I can't marry you.

- Zack.

- Yeah, I think we need to break up.

- What?

- I think we should break up.

I need for us to break up right now.

- This is not how I thought this was gonna go.

- This just isn't working, can't you feel that at all?

- I just asked you to marry me.

- God, you're a really nice guy,

Eric, but I need to be with someone

that makes me laugh, someone who wants to go someplace

that isn't Danny's, and who wants to have sex somewhere

that isn't just the bedroom every once in a while.

- That's just irresponsible.

- I am really sorry, I'm gonna,

I'm just not gonna do this anymore.

I'm gonna go pack my things.

- I don't know what to say.

- Don't say anything, please.

(slow music)

Bye, Eric.

(slow music continues)

- What's bugging you?

- Nothing.

(Chloe laughs)

- You are the worst liar, like, really bad,

so spit it out or shit it out.

(Zack A. laughs)

- What the hell is that saying?

- I just made it up, it's terrible.

- Yeah. (laughs)

- But still, just tell me.

- Fine, I met a cute guy.

- Ooh, I love when stories start this way.

- And then he paid for my drink.

- [Chloe] Even better.

- And then he was like,

"I need to get back to my boyfriend."

- Ooh, bummer.

- Major bummer.

- I'm sorry, Z.

Listen, if there's one thing

I've learned working after hours at Land of Donut,

it's that people will find their sweatshirt.

It's just in the lost and found, in the back.

- What does that mean?

Why do you work there

when you have a full-time job at a magazine?

Anyway, though, we are hanging out tomorrow, I'm excited.

- Ooh, see, there's hope.

Just don't be a homewrecker.

As I always say, a home to wreck is not yours to wreck.

- He didn't seem happy.

- Just take it day by day, as I always say.

- Okay, day by day.

That's seems like a good approach.

(slow piano music) (fingers tapping)

(Margie sighs)

- What did I say?

- Not to call anyone in.

- And what did you do?

- I promise you, she is very, very talented, she's-

- I don't care if she can spin dishes on her nipples.

I told you I didn't want to see anyone.

- Sure.

- This is your last warning, Mandel.

I don't build careers.

No one else, or you're fired.

If I send you to a showcase, just watch it.

Don't let your stupid heart get involved.

- But you'll see her?

- I will see her, but she'd better be good.

- I'll schedule her for tomorrow at three.

- Fine, get out.

(door rattles)

(phone rings)

- What's going on?

- What do you mean?

- Why are you answering my chats

with periods instead of exclamation points?

- What, do I usually use exclamation points?

- Yes, always, it's hard to understand

what could be that exciting.

- Shh, keep it down.

- What is going on?

Tell me, tell me, tell me.

- I broke up with Eric.

(Ava gasps)

- Oh, my god, (laughs) hell, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, this is amazing.

Oh, my god, hell, yes.

- Please tell me how you feel.

- Yes, oh, that's the best news ever.

Okay, we're going out tonight and we're celebrating.

- Okay, that sounds like fun, but I cannot tonight.

- [Ava] The hell you can't, what's more important than me?

- A date?

- Zackary, are you for real?

- [Zack M.] The realest.

- Hold up, so you broke up with Eric yesterday

and suddenly you have a date?

- [Zack M.] Mm-hmm.

- You're worse than me.

- [Zack M.] I don't know what to tell you.

Why is this thing always out of ink?

- You need a break, okay, you need to be single.

- It's good, I promise.

Something clicked last night,

and I could clearly see two things.

- Okay.

- Eric and I couldn't go on any longer,

and Zack deserved a real date.

- Yeah, you do deserve a real date, mm-hmm.

- No, his name is Zack, too, I'm talking about him.

- You're joking, right?

- No, I think it's cute.

- No, it's weird as hell, that's what it is.

You can't date somebody with your own name.

How is that gonna work?

Tell me, what about during sex?

So you're really gonna be calling his name,

but in reality, it's your name?

What, that's confusing.

- No, it's kind of awesome.

You love it.

- You know what, I ain't gonna lie, it is kind of awesome.

I wish I could scream out my name during sex.

- See? - You know what I'm gonna do?

- What?

- I'm gonna change Cameron's name to Ava.

- Please don't tell me who or what-

- Cameron's my toothbrush. - Okay.

♪ No, I'm not feeling unwell ♪

♪ And no, it's not scary as hell ♪

♪ That I want you more than anyone else ♪

♪ I want your body all to myself ♪

♪ It's not like I'm losing my head ♪

♪ Thinking about you in my bed ♪

♪ Keep doing that thing you do ♪

♪ It's not like I'm in love ♪

(door bangs)

- Oh, my god, I am so sorry, are you?

Oh, my god, Zack?

- [Zack M.] Oh, god.

- [Zack A.] Are you okay?

- Oh, no, I'm fine.

- Oh, shit, no, you are not.

That is a lot of blood, sorry.

Here, here, there, you put that-

(Zack M. cries out)

Oh, god, did that hurt?

- [Zack M.] Gosh, that hurts.

- Okay, you know what?

We gotta get you to a hospital.

- [Zack M.] Okay, let's just, like, wrap this up.

I'll see you another time.

- Nope, are you kidding? I'm coming with you.

- [Zack M.] What if I don't want you to come?

- Honestly, I really don't care.

I might have just broken your nose.

I owe you some company, down.

(Zack M. groans)

Okay.

(door slams)

- [Intercom] Paging Dr. Patel.

Please go to room 204-

- Make sure to keep pressure on it.

I think that's what they say to do.

- [Zack M.] I think that's for open wounds,

not for broken bones.

(both laughing)

- I'm sorry, not exactly an expert on this.

- What are you an expert in?

- Writing, I write books.

- [Zack M.] Really, what have you written?

- Well, okay, well, nothing's been published as of yet.

- Oh, wow, a wannabe writer.

Okay, I have to get out of here.

- Okay, okay, but I'm good, I promise.

- [Zack M.] I believe you.

(both laughing)

So give me a synopsis.

- You don't want to hear that.

- [Zack M.] Yes, I do, come on, bring it.

- Okay, so there's this kid named William,

and Will's dad goes on a trip every few months

for weeks at a time,

so Will becomes suspicious of the trips, like,

why can't he reach his dad whenever he leaves?

So on the night of Will's 18th birthday,

he decides to follow his dad and see where he ends up.

- [Zack M.] Okay, where does he end up?

- In Romania.

- [Zack M.] What, why- why in Romania?

- Because his dad is a hunter of a being

that only lives in Romania, the vampire.

(both laughing)

- You're shitting me. (laughs)

- I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

And I know it sounds a little cheesy,

but I've done a ton of research,

so all the vampire mythology

that you could even imagine.

So when Will gets there,

it turns out that his family is a long line of hunters,

so his dad decides to train him next in line,

and then Will and his dad decide to go on a journey

to kill the last living vampire, Vlad Dracula himself.

(Zack M. laughs)

- It's really cool, kind of oddly sexy, too.

(Zack A. laughs)

- Yeah, I mean, hopefully it'll be a series,

and then, god willing, someone will buy it

and turn it into a movie and just make me a ton of money.

- Oh, god, wouldn't that be nice?

- Yeah.

- [Zack M.] So what's it called? - "Undeath in the Family."

(Zack M. laughs)

- [Zack M.] Oh, god, I love that,

but (laughs) it really hurts to laugh.

- Oh, yeah, how's the nose?

- Yeah, I think it's okay.

- So could I ask you an awkward question?

Does your boyfriend know that you're here with me tonight?

- We broke up last night, actually, so.

- I'm- I'm sorry.

I'm here for you, seriously, I am.

- Thank you.

It's okay, it had to end, he proposed.

- [Zack A.] No, he didn't.

- Yes.

- This was all last night?

- Mm-hmm, last night, and then went home,

packed up, and moved out.

- Wow.

This is a lot to take in.

- You mean for a first date?

- So this is a date?

- Well, I don't know,

I wouldn't call this a first date, exactly.

(both laughing)

Yeah, if you want to try again sometime soon, you could.

Maybe try not to break my nose next time.

(Zack A. laughs)

- Okay.

- Okay. (laughs)

(curtain clinking)

- [Doctor] Hello.

- Should I stay?

- Yeah, you've come this far.

(glove snaps)

Oh, god, you all right?

- Well, (laughs) at least it's not broken.

- Well, I mean, you did your best, but I am unbreakable.

- Okay.

- You know, I should probably get home.

It's getting really late and I gotta work tomorrow.

- Where's home?

- Right now I'm living in a hotel, just for a few days.

I'm already looking for a new place, though.

- Well, can I walk you home?

- You don't have to do that.

(slow music)

- I've come this far.

- All right, well, this way.

(slow music continues)

Do you have any really irrational fears?

(Zack A. laughs)

- [Zack A.] Like, so many, like, sometimes I have a dream

that I'm actually-

♪ These are the things that I think about ♪

♪ Red lights and the feeling that I needed you ♪

♪ Oh, you got me right in Nirvana so fast ♪

♪ You're the best part of a sad song ♪

♪ You've got me all out of breath too fast ♪

♪ And I miss you when I'm going home ♪

- This is you?

- Well, this is a hotel, I'm me.

(Zack A. laughs)

I'll see you tomorrow?

- Yeah, I'll pencil you in.

Just kidding, my day's completely open.

- Good night, Zack.

- Good night.

(slow music continues)

♪ I get lost in the feelings ♪

♪ Only for you, only for you ♪

- What do you mean that you're gonna see him again tonight?

- I mean I'm gonna see him again tonight.

- But he almost broke your nose.

- I know, but he stayed with me the entire night.

I mean, how sweet is that?

- First sour, then sweet, like a Sour Patch Kid.

- Mm. (phone rings)

- You know what, you can make your stupid decisions

on your own, don't listen to me at all.

Can you hold, please? (door knocks)

- Knock, knock, (knocks) hey, Zack,

if it isn't my favorite agent.

- So good to see you.

Congrats on the new season dropping.

And you too, Jeffrey, wow.

Never thought that "Warlock Academy" could get that deep,

but I was wrong.

- Thank you, man.

- Also I'm still an agent's assistant.

- [Lance] Margie still hasn't promoted you?

- No. - What a venomous bitch.

Honestly, we should just have you be our agent

and leave that queen to rot.

- Zack, why didn't you tell me

my two favorite clients are here?

- Margie. (laughs)

(both air kissing)

Such a pleasure to see you, you look fantastic.

What's your skincare routine?

- Margie, why haven't you promoted my boy Zack yet?

- It's a discussion we've been having.

He's so close, like, how close you are to winning an Oscar.

- I haven't been nominated yet.

- Exactly, why don't you two come in?

Coffee, Zack, now.

- Yes.

- Sorry, man, I tried.

- It's just fine.

(door slams)

(phone rings)

- I mean, he's totally fine.

It's like nothing ever happened.

- That's just so-

- Embarrassing, it's embarrassing.

- It's bad.

- Okay, but you're missing the point.

There's a huge issue here.

- What's your issue?

- I think I actually like him.

- That's great news, Zack.

- No, no, no, no, it's the worst.

I like it better when I don't like anyone or anything.

- That's a terrible way to live your life.

I don't know where I'd be without Peter.

- Aw, thanks, baby cakes. (slow music)

I want a scone.

- Ew.

- As I always say, falling off the love cliff is the

only good cliff to fall from.

- Okay, (laughs) hold on.

Who said anything about loving anyone?

I said like.

- Mm-hmm, that's the first step.

- Don't make me pour my coffee on you.

- Okay, first off, you didn't get coffee

because you're a coward.

- It's so bitter!

- And secondly, that's also why you're afraid

of actually liking someone for once. (snaps)

Commitment, baby.

- Okay, but the fact

that no one commits is why I like the gay world.

Most people aren't looking

for anything serious, it's perfect.

- That's just shallow and terrible.

If I've learned one thing at Land of Donut,

it's that everyone has their someone,

even if it's just a box of glazed, it's yours.

- What's wrong with shallow?

I like shallow.

- Wouldn't it be nice

to actually let yourself feel something for once, like,

to actually indulge in those feelings and just go for it?

(slow piano music)

- That sounds like the worst thing

I've ever heard in my entire life.

(Claire groans)

- Anyway, there's something I need to tell you.

- Okay, I knew we were gonna have this talk at some point.

I know that your feet are terrifying.

I've never seen anything like them-

- What, it's not about that, it's good news.

That girl I work with

at the magazine is dating a publisher,

and I may have slipped him a copy of your book last week.

- Shut your whore mouth.

- Don't call my girlfriend a whore.

- It's true, and Zack, he loved it.

He wants to meet with you next week, what do you think?

- I think hell freaking yeah, this is awesome.

- It looks like things are turning around for old Zackary.

- Don't call me old Zackary.

That sounds like I live in a clock tower

and ring the bell once a day, but this is exciting.

- It is, as I always say,

good things come to those who wait for the good things

because they've been waiting for them.

- The saying is just, "Good things come to those who wait."

You complicated it so much.

- I don't think so, Zack.

♪ Full steam ahead ♪

♪ Let's take this dead girl walking ♪

♪ Let's break the bed ♪

♪ Rock this dead girl walking ♪

- Is that the girl you called in?

- Yeah.

(Ava gasps)

- She's spectacular.

Margie's gonna kiss you on the mouth.

You've done good, kid, that's what she'll say.

- She's never said that in her life.

She will never say that.

- You've done good, kid.

- Wow.

- Yes, I know, I'm just as surprised as you.

Maybe you're not a gigantic waste of space.

- Thank you for saying that.

That is so sweet of you to say.

- [Margie] I am the queen.

- Excuse me?

- I said, I know.

- Oh, okay, great.

- You know, I have had my eye on you.

Who knows, maybe one day soon you'll be more

than just an assistant around here.

- Thank you for that.

- I am the queen.

- Excuse me?

- I said, you've earned it.

- Oh, okay, well, thank you.

- I am the queen.

- I'm sorry, what did you say?

- I said, get out of my office.

- Okay, great, yes.

This is pretty cool, this is pretty cool.

(door rattles)

♪ I want to ♪

- [Zack A.] Hi.

- Hi.

- [Zack A.] How's the nose?

- Well, didn't get a black eye, so.

- That's great. (Zack M. laughs)

- It is great, do you want a drink?

- Yeah, I do.

- Right, got you.

- You didn't pay for this, did you?

- No, why, should I have?

- No, I owe you a drink.

Remember? - Okay.

Right, right, right, yes.

- [Zack A.] Cheers?

- Cheers. (bottles clinking)

(Zack A. laughs)

- Hello, hello,

hello.

- Hi.

- Hi, (laughs) yes, a big hello.

(Zack A. laughs)

My name is Darlene Bat, and I am the owner of this bar.

- Oh, oh, your nickname must be Dingbat.

(Darlene laughs)

- No, god, my nickname is Mango.

- Wait, what?

- I'm just about to sing my set,

but I just had to come over and say,

oh, my god, you guys are the most lovely couple

I have ever seen in my life.

- Oh, that's very nice,

but we're not together. - No, we're not actually-

- Oh, shush, hush, hush.

Oh, young love is so beautiful.

- Thank you.

- I remember Walter before his untimely demise.

- Oh, I'm sorry-

- Oh, he's not dead, he's just dead to me.

(Zack A. coughs)

(Zack A. laughs) (Zack M. laughs)

I'm going to tell you what my father told me

and my sister when we were sailing

in the middle of a hurricane.

"Hold on to each other."

Au revoir. (kisses)

- Enchanté.

- My god.

(Zack M. laughs)

Oh, my god. (laughs)

So is her sister okay?

(both laughing)

- [Zack M.] Anyway, they made it through the hurricane.

- We don't know that.

- [Zack M.] Yeah, she sounds great,

honestly. - Yeah.

Really nice, I love this- this key. (laughs)

(Zack M. laughs)

That was a beautiful and strange moment.

- Yeah, we seem to have a lot of those together.

- Yeah, we do.

So should we do, like, all that first date stuff

we've never done because, you know,

last night I almost broke your nose. (laughs)

- Right, yeah. - Yeah.

- Fun memory, sure.

- So where are you from?

(Zack M. laughs)

- Okay, (stammers) I'm right up from outside the city,

but my dad is in Jersey.

- Okay.

- Mm-hmm, how about you?

- I'm from the 'burbs of Philly.

- Oh, all right, the Jersey side or the Pennsylvania side?

- Pennsylvania side, and I still vote there,

'cause being in a swing state's important to me.

Also I have no clue how to change it, so.

- Do you have any siblings?

- Yeah, I have a half brother, his name's Kenny.

How about you?

- Yeah, I have a younger sister.

She's still in high school, and, god,

much smarter and wiser than I'll ever be, so.

- Are you close with your family?

- Yeah, my sister and I, we're pretty close, I'd say.

My dad and I, much different story,

but my mom, she, um...

passed away five years ago.

- I'm really sorry.

- How about you, you have close family, or?

- Um, kind of, I mean, my parents split up

when I was really young,

and the only thing they can agree on is

that I'm a massive screw-up, so we don't talk that much.

But I'm super close with Kenny.

- That's good, you're not a screw-up.

You're a struggling writer, that's a big difference.

(Zack A. laughs)

- Thanks.

- Should we have another drink?

- Well, I have to finish, but I owe you one,

so do you want one? - Yes, please.

- Okay.

- I mean, if you're paying.

Well, I'll have a double, please.

- A double beer?

- Yeah.

- A double beer, (laughs) great, two beers, I guess.

(Zack M. laughs)

(slow electronic music)

♪ It was so nice to meet you ♪

- [Zack A.] Wow, winter in the city.

- [Zack M.] Right, so pretty.

- You ever notice how, like,

everything is prettier in the winter,

like, the lights, sky, or even people,

with their cheeks flushed?

- Your cheeks are kind of flushed.

- Are they?

- [Zack M.] Uh-huh.

- I'm sorry.

- It's fine, Zack, it's cute.

- It is?

Goddammit.

- What?

- I like you,

and I'm trying so hard not to.

- Why are you trying hard not to?

- Because I don't like the way it makes me feel.

Like, any second you're gonna just get up,

go away, run away, never come back.

- Zack.

(Zack M. scoffs)

Yeah, that's what liking someone is like, it's terrifying.

All you want to do is run. (laughs)

- Wait, so you feel it, too?

- Yes.

(Zack A. laughs)

Yes, I like you.

Not easy, you know?

Been a long, long time, too,

like, years, since I was in middle school.

- Wow, me too, actually.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, Jewish sleep-away camp.

- Oh.

- I, yeah, (laughs) I haven't thought about it in forever.

- I went to one of those. - You did?

- Yes, in the Poconos, Camp Bernstein.

- Shut the hell up.

- [Zack M.] There was this kid I had a huge crush on.

♪ Dark blue, dark blue ♪

♪ Have you ever been alone in a crowded room ♪

♪ When I'm here with you ♪

- I thought your name was Anthony.

- I always went by my last name.

- I never knew your last name.

- I never knew yours, either.

- Wait, hold on.

(slow music)

How do you taste the exact same?

- Because I love bubblegum toothpaste,

even though it's really, really bad for me.

- I don't believe you, wait.

What musical did they do the year that we were in camp?

- Okay, it's a trick question

because they did the same musical every year.

They did "Annie" with all boys,

it made no sense, and you were Annie.

You did the greatest rendition

of "Tomorrow" I've ever heard, I cried.

- Well, I mean, five minute standing ovation,

but who's counting, you know?

I don't believe it.

- Me either, you were my first kiss.

- Yeah, you were mine, too.

- I'm not gonna lie, I've dreamt of us being together.

- To be honest, I never thought I would see you again.

I don't really even believe in fate

or destiny or any of that shit.

- Okay, but there are millions

of people in New York who we'll never see,

and somehow out of those millions of people,

we're both here now.

Doesn't that strike you as fate

or destiny or some dumb shit like that?

- Out of all the millions of people.

- Yeah.

♪ Coming back to me ♪

♪ Coming back to me ♪

(slow dance music)

(slow dance music continues)

- [Ava] This scone is so unreal.

- [Zack M.] It's absolutely unreal.

- Mm, so, tell me, how did your date

with Zack go last night?

- You are not gonna believe this because I still don't.

- Can you try me, because I believed in Santa

until I was a senior in high school, so.

(Zack M. laughs)

What won't I believe?

- Zack was my first kiss.

- No, he wasn't, you slut.

- No, no, my actual first kiss.

- [Ava] Okay.

- We were in middle school at sleep-away camp

at this really big dance,

and he and I just kept on looking at each other.

- Mm.

- So he leaves, I follow him out, and he takes my hand

and he leads me down to this lakeside.

- Oh, god, it's literally an LGBT young adult novel.

- This was real, he and I just talked and talked,

and then we kissed, and then the next day,

the camp found out, they called my parents.

My dad came to pick me up, took me away,

and I never saw him again.

- Oh, that's so crazy.

Please tell me you're gonna see him again.

- Yeah, tonight, I just have to go back

to my old place, pick up the rest of my stuff.

- Mm-mm, do not fall into that trap and go back to Eric.

- What do you mean?

- I know you don't like feelings.

- Well, they're terrifying, and you know what is even worse,

is to talk about them, so let's not.

- Oh, I know, but can you just listen to me for a second?

Can you just fall for someone

that you actually care about for once?

Even if it scares you, you deserve love,

so you shouldn't settle for anything less.

- Are you Dr. Feinman, am I in therapy?

- No, but come on, you even settled for this job.

We both know that you should be doing more,

so maybe just don't settle

for somebody you don't like anymore.

- Okay, I can't talk about this.

- [Ava] Zack.

- No, I'm serious, and I gotta get to Eric's.

I have to go when he's not there,

you know? - Okay.

Zackary, can you just listen to me?

- I can't hear you, wow, the music's on.

I'll see you soon- - Come on.

Oh, my god. - And Rihanna,

wow, this is amazing music.

She's the best artist of her generation.

(Ava sighs)

(door creaks)

- [Eric] Oh.

- Oh, hi.

- [Eric] I didn't know you were coming by.

- Yeah, no, I just, I'm sorry.

I came to grab my stuff.

I thought you would be at work, so.

- Oh, I- I took off today.

Your stuff's in the closet, I packed it up for you.

- You decided to spend all day in your underwear?

- Not exactly.

- Really, Eric?

- Your shampoo is really nice.

I love that tea tree stuff, it's so soothing.

- [Zack M.] What is this?

- Oh, hi, I'm Danny.

- Danny, his name is Danny, wow. (laughs)

I literally always thought you wanted to fuck a Grand Slam.

It turns out you have. (laughs)

- This is the ex, right?

Do you need me to knock him out? - Knock me out?

Okay, calm it down, glow.

I'm gonna take my things, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna grab the shampoo that you used without asking.

- It's really nice shampoo.

You should get a new razor, though.

I used yours to shave my unmentionables.

- Eric.

I'm not doing this.

You know what, yeah, actually,

I wasn't gonna tell you anything

because I didn't want to hurt your feelings,

but I am seeing someone.

Apparently feelings don't matter to you,

so there you go.

- Oh, yeah, what- what's his name?

- Yeah, his name is Zack.

(Eric laughs)

- You can't even think of a different name other

than your own to make up for your fake boyfriend?

That's so sad.

- I'm not having this conversation with you.

I'm taking my things, and Zack is real.

- Well, and so are mermaids and narwhals.

- Narwhals are real!

(slow music)

(door slams)

♪ Don't follow my lead ♪

♪ You always meet me at your own time ♪

♪ Don't ask what I need ♪

♪ I'm on my knees having a good time ♪

♪ You've always known the way ♪

♪ You don't talk, you don't have the time ♪

- You.

♪ Baby, take me in the back of the room for the night ♪

♪ I'll be waiting there, baby ♪

♪ In the back of the room, I want you to save me ♪

- Take me to your place right now.

- Okay. - Okay.

♪ I need it, baby, now someone to play me ♪

♪ I want you to save me ♪

(Zack A. laughs)

- I can't believe that just happened. (laughs)

- Yeah, I know.

- I'm so hungry.

Are you hungry?

I have dumplings in the fridge, I think, I'm gonna,

I'm gonna go get 'em.

(footsteps pattering)

(jars clinking)

(pants rustling)

(footsteps pattering)

I feel like the dumpling sauce

really makes a dumpling, you know?

- Mm-hmm.

- Wait, why are you getting dressed?

- I got a workout class early.

- Okay. (laughs)

Well, you could leave from here,

or, like, go later, couldn't you?

- I can't. (sighs)

- Can I see you sometime soon?

(slow music)

- Maybe, I don't know.

- Okay, well, my friends are hanging out Sunday

if you wanted to come.

- Yeah, I'll see.

- Hey, what's going on?

- Don't worry about it.

I got a workout class early, I told you.

- Okay, it's just that-

- No, I gotta go,

and I will see you around.

(slow music continues)

- What the fuck was that?

(slow music continues)

(door squeaks)

(slow music continues)

What are you doing out here?

- I'm scared.

- Of the stoop?

I swear it's meant to be that color.

- Not of the stoop, of you.

- Of me?

- Of falling in,

you know, with you.

- Okay, well, you came out here an hour ago.

You've been sitting in the cold,

I mean, what have you even been doing?

- I was thinking, and then you came out to look for me

'cause, yeah, 'cause you knew I'd be here.

That means something, doesn't it?

(bag rattles)

- Yes, I came out here to look for you.

Look, I want to give this a chance.

That's all I know for right now.

- I just wish that there was a way

that we could test this,

test us, just the two of us, you know?

- I know what we'll do, but you, (laughs)

you can't run because I'm fat and slow. (laughs)

I'd have to take an Uber to catch you. (laughs)

Zack, do you want to come back inside?

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)

(Zack M. sighs)

(Zack M. sighs)

(blankets rustling)

(Zack M. sighs)

(slow dance music)

(slow dance music continues)

(slow dance music continues)

♪ Don't act like a fool ♪

♪ We'll be alright ♪

♪ We can get away tonight ♪

- It's just like Camp Bernstein.

You did all of this for me?

- For us.

♪ Get away tonight ♪

(slow dance music continues)

(slow dance music continues)

- So when you said that you looked

for me after we came home, how did you look for me?

- Every way I knew how. (laughs)

I even called the camp to try to get your information.

- What?

- It was confidential.

I- I went back the next summer to see IT,

but when you weren't there, I never went back.

Losing you, it, (sighs) yeah,

it broke my heart.

- Yeah, mine too.

- You know, I never stopped looking for you, though.

Sometimes I'd do, like, a Google search,

or (laughs) a search on Instagram, just looking.

- Oh, yeah, I did too.

- That's why, baby, I just want this to work.

- Wait, what did you just say-

- Okay, I said, disgusting, I know, yeah,

it's really bad. - Ew.

Yes, oh, wait. - Okay, like. (laughs)

- I'm gonna close my eyes, try it again

about something else. - Okay, okay, okay. (laughs)

Baby, can you pass the salt?

- Ugh.

(both laughing)

- It's so bad.

- Gross.

It's so gross. - It's so bad.

(both laughing)

Okay, well, do you have any ideas?

- Well, I like Short Stack for you.

- What, why?

- Because I said so, Short Stack.

(both laughing)

- [Zack A.] For the record, I'm average height. (laughs)

- Hey, can I say something?

- Of course.

- I just want to say that no matter

what happens between us,

I just want you to know that these past few,

you've just made me happier

than I have felt in a long time, so

I don't know how I'll repay that to you,

or, you know, but thank you.

(slow music)

- You're everything I want.

♪ I don't mind ♪

♪ Falling in love with you ♪

(slow music continues)

♪ It gives me ♪

♪ Something to do ♪

(slow music continues)

♪ Works as a ♪

♪ Distraction for my head, too ♪

(Zack M. screams)

♪ Even if it's only ♪

- What the hell is happening, you okay?

- This view really makes you think

about everything that you are.

- What does that mean?

- I don't know. (sighs)

- This weekend has been so nice.

- Yeah, it's been amazing, but.

It's not real, though.

- Zack.

- I just, let me just get through something, please.

(Zack A. sighs)

- Okay.

- Yeah, I don't think I know who I am, Zack.

You know exactly who you are, and that's amazing, but

I- I thought I knew who I was,

and then it turns out I have no fucking clue at all,

my job, my relationship, suddenly it all seemed wrong,

like I was living a life that wasn't mine,

you know, blindly saying yes to things,

allowing things to happen

without even realizing that they were happening.

And then I meet you, (cries)

and you're, like, stealing free booze

and being so disarmingly charming

in a way that was baffling to me.

And- and then it's like, all of a sudden I wake up,

and I realize I don't have a fucking clue at all

who I really am.

You know, I've kind of loved my life since I met you, Zack.

- Okay, good-

- Please, please just let me finish.

This world that we're living in right now,

it is amazing and it's wonderful,

but it's not real.

It's not, you know, it can't be,

because how could someone who's just,

you know, let things happen to them,

who's in a relationship with someone for two years,

who was never honest with them.

How can that person deserve real love?

And

I don't think I do.

I am really broken.

(slow music continues)

And you deserve someone whole,

and not just a piece of someone that I could one day be.

- No, I've seen you, that's not you.

- That's because I let you see

what I want you to see.

It's toxic, you know, you're falling in love

with someone who isn't there.

- No, no, none of this is you, Zack, you're strong.

- I am not strong, I have, I have,

I have been hiding my entire life, you know,

from everyone, like a little turtle.

- A turtle?

- Yeah, like a little turtle hides in his shell,

never feels right enough to strut his stuff

with the right other turtle,

you know, two turtles together, strutting their stuff

'cause they love each other, I've never had that.

- What the hell does that mean?

- Zack, I'm not gonna explain that perfect metaphor twice.

- I'm not giving up without a fight for you.

You're wrong.

- Zack.

You deserve better.

- No, no, don't tell me what I deserve.

I hate that, I want this, I choose this.

You're breaking my heart, Zack.

(slow music continues)

Come on.

(slow music continues)

- I'm gonna leave.

Yeah, go home, I'm gonna go.

- [Zack A.] Please stay.

- You've gotta let me go, Zack.

- No, no, don't go, don't go,

don't go, (cries) don't go.

(slow music continues)

- [Zack M.] Goodbye, Zack.

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)

- You wanted to see me, Margie?

- Yeah.

Oh, you're fired.

- Excuse me?

- Lily Avalon won't sign with me and I'm pissed,

so you're fired.

- You're the one who had the meeting with her, not me.

- Yeah, and I need someone to blame,

and here you are. (sighs)

- Okay, well, maybe the reason

that she didn't like it here is

because you are such a stuck-up bitch.

(Margie laughs)

- Excuse me?

Pack up your things.

You have 20 minutes before I call security.

- Well, I've always hated working for you,

and you know what?

Fuck this. (papers rustling)

(door slams)

- Mm, ah. (glass clinks)

How are you?

- Not great.

- Sorry to hear that.

- Yeah.

- Everything okay?

How's your roommate?

- He was my boyfriend, Dad.

- Was your boyfriend?

- Mm-hmm.

We're done, I- I moved out.

- Where are you living?

- At a hotel right now.

- You'd better not be putting that on the credit card.

That's for emergency uses only.

- I know, but isn't me being without a home an emergency?

- Not really, there are plenty of places

that you can go that don't cost as much as a hotel does.

But at least you're making enough to find a new place,

which is great.

- Right, that's why I'm here, actually.

I got fired yesterday.

- You got what?

- I got fired, which is okay,

and I'm glad that it happened, because-

- You're glad?

- Dad, I feel like this is the first time

I've really let you down.

Sorry, I don't count me being gay as letting you down.

- You made your decision.

- I don't want to talk about this.

I'm here 'cause I really need,

I need to ask for some money.

- That's not happening.

- Dad, please, it'll help me get to a new place,

look for a new job,

and I would pay you back every single penny, I promise.

- If you want a place to live, you can come home.

If you want to be without a home,

you can sleep in the damn park.

As I see it, those are your two options, young man.

(phone rings)

Ah.

(slow music)

Well, I have to take this.

Just sit, just give me two seconds.

(slow music continues)

Howard, I spoke to your mother.

Yeah. (background noise drowns out speaker)

(slow music continues)

(background noise drowns out speaker)

♪ You're not in a row ♪

♪ It sure feels like you led the way ♪

- Hey, what the hell, man? This is my life.

- At least you have a life, I have nobody.

- Calm down.

- Yeah, you calm down!

♪ It can't do anything ♪

- Bitch, you look sad.

- Yeah, walk away, like everybody else.

- Still haven't spoken to your dude since this weekend?

- Don't call him my dude.

- Well, (laughs) gay guys don't call each other dude?

- No, imagine how weird that is, like,

"Yo, dude, you're a really dope kisser."

- Yo, Broseph, I really love you.

- Yeah, (laughs) see, it's weird as shit.

- Gay frat bros probs do it.

He hasn't even texted you or anything?

- Nope, and I don't even know

if my messages are delivering.

And what's even worse is that my book is shit

and you have me meeting with that publisher this week.

I'm not ready, I literally have a line that reads,

"He didn't not do it, in fact, he did it."

See, it's absolute shit.

- If you're meant to be with him, you will.

- No, you know, if this has taught me anything,

it's that fate or some dumb shit is exactly

what I thought it was, it's pain because it's false,

and that's what hurts the most.

♪ End my day early to call you up ♪

- Finally made it to happy hour.

- Yeah, you got me here. (laughs)

- Ah, all right.

Yeah, so should we do a shot?

- Yes, please.

- Okay, thanks, Tom.

- Cheers.

- All right, salud.

(glasses clinking)

Mm, (swallows) mm, nice.

- Tastes like car oil.

- Stop drinking car oil,

then you won't know what it tastes like.

Another one, yes, thank you.

- Thank you.

- Mm, woo.

- One more.

- Okay, that's enough for now,

what the heck? - No, one more.

It's happy hour, throw it back.

You're always trying to get me here, aren't you?

- Yeah, because, you know,

you usually forget who I am after we leave work, so.

- What, what do you mean?

- What do you mean, what do I mean? (laughs)

I'm not just your sounding board at work, Zack.

I ask you to hang out because we're friends,

and you seem to forget

that maybe Ava's time matters, too, I don't know.

- I am single now, so, you know, we can do this all the time.

- Okay, but you don't have to be single

to want to hang out with your best friend.

- That's your title. (laughs)

- Excuse me?

- Oh, my, don't- don't be like that.

I'm saying one day, you know, you were just like,

"I'm your best friend."

- Oh, okay, you know what?

Fuck you, Zack.

- What?

- I'm not just gonna sit here and wait for you

to one day be grateful that I'm in your life.

God, I sat here through boring-ass Eric,

and now this new era of you finally meeting the boy

that you're meant to be with.

- I'm not really meant to be with anyone.

- Yes, you are, you choose not to be.

But you're right about one thing,

Zack, you blew up your life,

and that's no one's fault but yours.

You know, people just wait a lifetime to have what you had-

- I don't think you understand.

- I do understand. - You don't.

- You don't, this is me.

You know, I come here every night with a friend,

without a friend, because I deserve what you had.

I'm a huge catch, and I'm exactly who I'm meant to be.

- Can I just say one more- - No, you cannot.

- One.

- Especially not right now, okay,

'cause I'm living, and you are witnessing my ascendance.

- Oh, yeah, into what?

- Into finally telling you that, baby,

goddammit, I am so much more than your work wife.

God, and I'm running all this shit,

and if you can't see that,

then you go find yourself a new best friend.

- It's your title.

- And it's the truth, okay, whether you admit it or not.

So go to Jersey or fucking don't,

I don't care, but this girl right here,

she's done until you start appreciating her

because guess what, that's what she deserves.

God, you want to get out of here?

- [woman] Yeah.

♪ Anybody, anybody, anybody else ♪

♪ Anybody else ♪

♪ Anybody, anybody else ♪

- [Warren] Zack.

- Yes, hi, Warren.

- Yes, good to see you.

- You too, thanks for meeting with me.

- [Warren] Of course.

- Hello.

- Oh, you're here already. - [Zack A.] Hi.

- Can I get you two anything?

I would love to get you something, please let me.

- I think we're gonna need a second.

- Yeah, I need a second to look over-

- Okay, okay, I'll give you two a second to peruse.

Second's over.

- Oh, my god. - Whoa.

- I'll be back in un momento, as they say in Spanish.

- [Zack A.] Thanks.

- Si.

- She's a lot to handle.

- [Zack A.] Yeah.

- So should we just jump right in?

- Sure.

- Listen up, Zacky, can I call you Zacky?

- You just did.

- Zacky boy, I think there's a real market for your book.

I want to help you find that market

and make this book a hit,

but you gotta make some changes first.

Where are the werewolves, pal? (laughs)

Everything's better when there are vampires and werewolves.

- Werewolves?

- Like, but I'm right.

Also, it's too short, you gotta work

on the length, longer, thicker.

- Do you hear yourself, or-

- Yes, but the question is, do you hear me?

I think this has the potential to be a real hit series,

but you gotta make the first one "The Sorcerer's Stone."

- Wow, big shoes there.

- Ah, you noticed, I wear a size 12 and a half.

I think your book is terrific.

I want to get it out there.

- Yes, please.

- So you're open to revisions?

- I'm willing to listen to whatever you have to say.

- Perfect, I love it.

First things first, we got some paperwork here.

This is the contract.

Now, you might want to have somebody look this over for you,

but as you can see right there,

there's the payment breakdown.

(Zack A. laughs)

- This- this is so much money.

I've never had this much money.

I could get the gas turned on in my apartment.

- Yeah, baby, we're cooking with gas now,

and let me tell you something else.

This is gonna be big, "New York Times" bestseller big,

and listen, I don't bullshit.

It takes too much time and energy

that I could be spending on my fantasy baseball league.

Also, I'm gonna need you to meet the rest of the team.

Some of them are out on the other coast.

Can you get to LA next Friday?

- Well-

- Okay, great, I'll have my assistant book you a flight.

(slow electronic music)

- Zack, why are you here?

- I'm figuring out my life.

- You can't do that in the city?

- Well, I broke up with Eric,

and then I moved out,

then I met the best guy I'll ever meet,

fell in love with him, decided to end that

so that neither of us would get hurt,

and then finally lost my job.

- That sounds horrible, it really does.

I'm glad you're here, though.

You can help me pick out a dress for winter formal.

- Cute.

- Yeah, but I am gonna go to Jenna J's house

for band practice in a bit,

so maybe we'll do it later.

- You're gonna go to Jenna Jennason's house,

that's cute. - No.

No, you can't say the full name,

she doesn't like it, you know, the porn actress-

- Well, that's too bad

because Jenna Jennason's name is hilarious.

- Well, whatever.

You've gotta get it together, man.

Like, what are you gonna do to get your life back?

- I am doing something, okay?

And this something is called sulking.

- You need to stop moping, it's, like, pretty gross.

- Sorry my sadness is annoying you.

- I have an idea.

We could go on a run, yeah.

- [Zack M.] No.

- No, Jesus. - No.

- We're gonna go, (sighs) so get dressed.

Yeah, so. (claps) - Absolutely not.

- Let's march, okay, I said march, Zack.

- [Zack M.] Please, ow.

- [Hannah] Let's go.

(slow music)

- Zack, that's amazing, man,

that you're finally gonna be making some money.

- I know, I'll actually be able to pay for myself sometimes.

- Sometimes?

Have you heard from Zack at all?

- No, it's been, like, a week and a half.

I don't think he wants anything to do with me.

- You okay?

- No, I'm- I'm blue about it.

- Blue about it, what?

- Yeah, blue, like, sad, you know?

- I've never heard anyone use that expression before.

I like that.

- You've never heard anyone use the phrase "blue"

to mean sad, like, "I'm blue, I'm down."

Like, I'm blue.

- What?

- Let's just move on from how I'm saying it

and just focus on what I'm saying.

Doesn't that sound good?

- Okay, sorry for not being up to date

on all the newest slang or whatever.

- I don't really know what happened.

We were only together for, like, a week and a half,

but it felt like we were meant to be together.

Oh, my god, that sounds really stupid.

That sounds really freaking stupid, I'm sorry.

- It's okay, brother, you can't fight it.

- No, don't say that to me, we're done.

- You're not done.

Things like this aren't just done like that,

things where you meet someone you shared a kiss

with in middle school, and then they randomly pop back up

into your life again.

Look, I've known you your whole life.

I've never seen you like this.

This is bigger than just these past two weeks.

- Okay, then what is this, huh?

- You're in love, man, that's what it is.

It's fate or destiny or whatever.

The stars are on your side.

It's like there's some cosmic event.

I can't explain it.

- Cosmic event?

- All I'm saying is,

don't pretend like this is just some thing.

Things like this don't just happen.

If you guys don't end up together,

then screw love forever, as far as I'm concerned.

- I really hope you're right.

- [Zack M.] Okay, can't we just stop

for a second and enjoy the view?

- [Hannah] This is the Jersey suburbs.

There's no such thing as a view, Zack.

(Zack M. pants)

- [Zack M.] Look, can we just stop for a second?

- [Hannah] No, you haven't had your epiphany yet.

I saw it once in a movie.

- [Zack M.] Oh, yeah, what kind of epiphany

am I supposed to be having?

- [Hannah] You know, just how to get

your life back together.

You just generally seem like a really big mess right now.

- [Zack M.] Yeah, and running with my teenage sister's

really supposed to help me out, huh?

- Yeah, it should.

- You know what, it's not going to, I'm done.

- [Hannah] What?

- I'm out, I'm gonna go home. - No.

Zack, you haven't had your epiphany yet.

What are you doing, come on. - That is

not gonna happen, that's not how life works.

- What, so tell me how life works.

- I don't know how life works. - Right.

- What do you mean, right?

- No, I mean, you're right.

You can't predict the future, Zack.

I'm going off to college next year.

I might change my major 14 times, or even drop out

and become a traveling banjo woman or whatever.

- What are you talking about?

- You're upset because you don't know

where your life is headed,

but nobody knows where their life is headed.

That's the fricking point of life,

is to try and figure it out.

- I think you just had my epiphany.

- Well, I think I did.

- How are you so wise, huh?

When did that happen? - Don't, don't do that

in the head. - When did that happen,

tell me.

- You know, actually a ghost vomited in my mouth

when I was a child, and so her spirit lives in me.

It's not that funny.

- What the hell are you talking about?

- I'm just kidding, I'm an old soul or whatever, let's go.

- Beep, beep.

(Zack M. laughs)

- Wow, Jenna Jennason, look at you.

You know, instead of saying, "Beep, beep,"

there's actually something right in front of your face

that actually does that for you.

- Hi, Zack, heard you're back home at 45,

seems good, making strides?

- Oh, yes, and looks like you're thriving

in your porn career.

- I'm not that Jenna.

- Could have fooled me.

- I don't like this guy.

- So honest.

- Zack, you want to come?

- No way, sorry, have fun.

I'm gonna go walk around. - You want me to come with you?

- [Jenna] Bye.

- No.

- [Jenna] Bye, Zacky poo.

(slow guitar music)

(Zack M. sighs)

- Been out?

- [Zack M.] Yeah, I just went for a walk

around the neighborhood.

- Seems like a good use of the time.

(Barbie gasps)

- Is this your son?

Ooh, he's cute.

I see the resemblance.

So aren't you going to introduce me,

or am I gonna sit here like a wall ornament?

(Paul laughs)

- See, Zack, if you work hard and you play your cards right,

maybe someday you too could have a girl like Barbie.

- Hmm!

- Yeah.

God, I'm really sorry, 'cause you seem really nice, Barb.

- I am nice. (laughs)

- Yeah, and very pretty.

- Well, I know that.

I've won enough pageants to have two trophies.

- Well, actually, I think I'd rather poke my eyes out

than end up with a woman like you.

- Excuse me?

- When is this gonna stop, Dad?

- You are so intelligent,

I don't know why you have to always fight me

when I'm trying to help you.

- I don't need your help, you understand?

I do not need your help.

I want to be (scoffs) nothing like you, Dad.

I want something else.

- Yeah, well, that's been clear for years.

- This isn't about me being gay.

- That makes sense, I mean,

what straight man wouldn't want this?

- Not now, Barb.

I don't think you get it.

I- I don't want to be anything like you.

I don't want anything like your life.

I don't want this house, it is so cold,

I mean, aesthetically,

and also the temperature in here, it's arctic.

- I just want you to live a life you can be proud of,

so in 30 years you can look back and say,

"Yes, I did the right thing."

- Well, I appreciate your concern,

but please let me live my life.

- Goddammit, Zack, I'm trying to help you.

I don't even know why I keep trying to fix you.

- Fix me? - Yeah, it's what I said.

- I don't need you to fix me, Dad, (laughs) that's it.

This is who I am, this is who I'm gonna be today,

tomorrow, God, next year, a decade,

so, you know, if you want to be okay with me,

be okay with me, or don't.

Be a part of my life, or don't,

but please, figure out on your own time

and stop dragging me into it.

- Mm. (slow music)

- Bye, Barb.

- Ugh, he is wrong about you, Carl.

- The name is Paul.

(fire crackles)

- [Grandmother] Well, you don't visit enough.

- I'm sorry, Grandma, I've been working on my book.

- Oh, yes, you boys and your vampires.

- Mm, thank you.

- You know Roxie, don't you?

- It's good to see you again.

How's my wonderful Grandma been?

- Oh, she's stellar, as always.

- I'm stellar, as always.

- Hey, Grandma, can I- can I ask you a question?

- What is your question, Pudgy?

- I really wish that wasn't my childhood nickname.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I wish you'd grown out of it.

- I was skinny once.

- I know, for about five years, what happened?

- Grandma, does love exist?

- Well, I love you.

- No, Grandma, I mean, like, romantic love,

like, love for one person.

Does that exist or am I just meant to be single forever?

- Oh.

Well,

yes, love is real, dear,

and it's wonderful, but people have been writing

about it forever.

It's difficult to find the perfect words.

Oh, it could be, you know, that- that knot

you feel in your chest when somebody smiles at you.

Sometimes it's in the quietest moments

that you feel the most love for someone,

when the noise has calmed down for the day

and you and this person you've chosen to be alone with,

you could make dinner or just talk,

or play backgammon.

Your grandfather used to call them "the little moments."

It- it's a journey, and in those little moments,

you may, if you're lucky,

find what you're searching for.

(Zack A. laughs)

- That's

beautiful, and I really don't know what to say.

- Call him.

- How did you know?

- It's all over your face.

Call him.

- Okay. (laughs)

- So you were Margie Kitlin's assistant.

- Yes, up until a week ago.

- I won't hold that against you.

- Thank you.

- You're extremely qualified, almost too qualified.

Why are you still looking for assistant jobs?

- Well, I mean, I want to be an agent,

and this is how you get there, so.

- Well. - Well, listen, I think

you'd really appreciate me being here.

I know I have a great eye for talent,

and Margie liked every single person that I brought in.

- Okay, you say you want to be an agent,

so why aren't you applying to be one?

You've been an assistant long enough.

You worked for Carter Bluring before you worked for Margie.

You need to be taking that next step.

(slow electronic music)

- I think you're right.

- Do you still want to be an assistant?

- No, I don't, I want more.

Yeah, I want to be who I'm meant to be.

- More?

- I want my own agency with my own clients.

Yeah, I'm making this choice, I want it.

- Yes, that's it.

This has been a good talk, right?

I've changed your life a little.

- Yes, yeah, a lot, actually.

Thank you so much.

- Good, that's great.

(slow electronic music continues)

- So if I'm writing werewolves,

they have to have their own werewolf language, right?

- Oh, yeah, it only makes sense.

- Okay, like, why are you shirtless, though?

- [Peter] I gotta stay ripped for Chloe, bro.

- Please just don't sweat all over my floor.

- You have a mouse family living in your kitchen cabinets.

I'm pretty sure you can deal with my sweat on the floor.

- I cleaned up, like, it looks better.

I got an exterminator, no one notices.

No one ever notices, they just always talk

about the mouse you once had.

(curtains rattling)

(footsteps pattering)

- What are you?

So,

how have you been?

- Hanging in there.

My hermit crab is sick, but she brought it on herself.

- You have a hermit crab?

- I have several hermit crabs.

- Okay, well, that illustrates your point,

that I am, you know, selfish and stupid

and not very nice, and I am-

- An asshole sometimes.

- An asshole sometimes, yes, and (laughs)

I've just gotta say, I mean,

I didn't even know you had hermit crabs.

I never asked you if you had hermit crabs,

and I was just so caught in my own head,

just with my own thoughts,

and I didn't think to ask about you

in such a long time.

I'm really,

you're a beautiful person,

inside and out, Ava.

- That's what I've been trying to tell you.

- Mm-hmm, and I am so lucky that you're my best friend.

- [Barista] Zack, matcha and iced coffee.

- I know, bitch. (laughs)

(slow music)

- Thank you so much, I'm-

- [Ava] Thank you.

- Really, really sorry.

- Sorry?

- I am, yes. - Oh, wow.

- That I was not the friend that you deserved,

while you were the friend that I needed.

- Are you being serious?

- [Zack M.] Yes.

- Zackary?

- Yes.

- Aw.

- I'm sorry.

And I love you so much.

- Oh, finally, I love you, too, boo.

(slow music continues)

- I'm making changes in my life,

like, drinking this cold coffee

in this cold weather, really brave.

- Okay. (laughs)

- Uh-huh, and I need to do what I'm meant to do.

- Mm-hmm.

- I'm done being an assistant.

I'm starting my own agency.

- Oh, wow.

- Lance is gonna be my first client,

he agreed to it, and Ava, you.

- Yes?

- I cannot do this without you.

- No, (laughs) you can't.

- One second of it without you.

You're my work wife, and actually, you know what?

Fuck that, you are my partner in all this.

- Can I just ask you one question?

- Sure.

- Can my name go before yours in a logo,

because it just sounds better. (laughs)

- We need to celebrate.

- Oh, we're celebrating.

Whatever makes you happy, boo.

(Zack M. cries)

What's wrong?

- Just Zack made me really happy.

- Of course you can make yourself happy.

That's the only way.

- No, I'm talking about the other Zack.

- Oh, my god, you see?

That name shit is hella confusing.

Why don't you just go talk to him?

- I can't.

- What do you mean, you can't? - I can't, I ruined it.

I mean, I fully ruined it, ruined it,

ruined it all over, you know?

He should hate me, I would hate me.

He gave me his heart, and I was like. (squeaks)

- I mean, have you even tried to fix it?

- I can't fix it.

- Why not?

- Because I obliterated it, period.

I did, I just blew it up, ashes on the ground,

can never re-resurrect it ever again.

I guess I'm just meant to focus on my own thing right now

and focus on-

(Ava imitates retching)

What the hell?

- What the hell, are you kidding me? (laughs)

This isn't some dollar store romance novel.

If you want him, you gotta go get him.

Zackary Percival Mandel-

- My middle name is Noah- - Not now,

Percy, okay? (laughs)

You're trying to make changes in your life,

all right? - I am.

- Just, you gotta take life by the horns.

You know, grab him by the horns.

- What, he does not have horns- - Okay, figurative horns.

Come on, you can't live life too passive

and not take a moment and make it yours,

'cause who knows what could happen in that moment?

You want to be a person, all right, then be a person.

You can't go through life and love expecting the worst

to happen because you might be scared

when the best love finds you.

- Should I go and tell him that I love him?

Right?

Is that insane?

- Oh, my god, Percy, if you don't go right now,

I'm gonna shove you down those subway steps.

- Okay. - Okay?

- Okay.

- And you better tell him, if he breaks your heart,

I'm gonna kick him so hard

that his ball sack is gonna go into his stomach

and he's gonna bleed to death.

Now, go, go.

Go!

- [Zack M.] Ow. (Ava laughs)

♪ Am I stupid or do I want you back ♪

♪ I don't know who ♪

♪ Am I stupid or do I want you back ♪

♪ Let me go ♪

- Hi, oh, I'm sorry, hi.

- Hi, can I help you?

- Yeah, is Zack here?

- Yeah, he's here, but he's working.

I don't want to bother him.

It's really hard, unless, of course,

he asks me to go in there and I help him out.

- Right.

I'm sorry, who are you?

- Oh, I'm Peter.

Sorry, I'm really sweaty,

I've just been working it out, you know,

having a really good pounding.

Zack's been keeping me busy.

You know, he needs a lot of help in his room.

He's like a madman in there.

- Yeah, I'm sure.

- And we've been working on balancing.

- Oh, wow.

- And he says the top could be a little thicker.

- [Zack M.] I'm sure.

- And then of course the bottom can be a little tighter.

- Wow.

That's some information.

- Yeah, (laughs) once I get going, I can't stop.

(slow piano music)

- Well, I'm gonna go, so.

- Oh, okay, do you want me to tell him you came by?

- No, no, please, just don't say a word.

- Okay, you sure?

- Yeah, don't say anything, thanks.

(slow piano music continues)

- See you later, sexy.

- [Zack M.] See you.

♪ They say there's a first time for everything ♪

♪ Like the first time I ever let myself think ♪

♪ About the future, or a family ♪

♪ Or a man to hold my hand ♪

- Who was that at the door?

- It was a telemarketer.

- At my door?

- [Peter] Yeah.

- Telemarketing means over the phone.

- Oh, it- it was a Mormon giving away Bibles.

Get back to work and finish your drafts.

- Yeah, or what?

(slow piano music continues)

- Ah. (laughs)

- Dammit.

(slow piano music continues)

You cheated.

- Hey, I just wanted to leave word

that I think he's with someone else, so,

yeah, I'm gonna go home.

I think he moved on.

I will talk to you soon, okay, bye.

♪ When you would hold me ♪

♪ In the deep end with you ♪

♪ Swimming in the deep end with you ♪

♪ Deep end with you ♪

♪ You ♪

(door bangs)

- Hey, all right, all right.

- You're really stupid, you know that?

- I'm sorry, who are you?

- That's not the question you need to be asking me.

- Okay, well, you just barged in my apartment-

- [Ava] Oh, have I? - I have no clue who you are.

You have. - Oh, I have?

Well, you screwed up.

- What did I screw up?

- Zack, he's a really good guy.

He could be fucked up sometimes,

but he's a really good guy.

- I haven't heard from Zack in over a week.

How did I screw that up?

- Oh, really, well, he came over today

while you were porking some shirtless dude like the whore

that you are, you're a whore.

- Porking, who are you?

- Unimportant right now, okay?

- I wasn't porking anyone.

- Who was that shirtless hunk

that was at the door, huh, huh?

- That was my best friend's boyfriend.

- Oh.

- He's straight, oh, my god.

Zack was here?

Freaking Peter.

- Fucking Peter, I know.

- Where's Zack now?

- Shoot, he's in New Jersey.

- Are you kidding?

That is so far and I already did stuff today,

and I'm supposed to be at JFK in two hours.

- Well, he's in Jersey, so-

- I'm sorry, who are you?

(Ava laughs)

- That's only a question Zackary can answer.

- Why?

- I'm just kidding, dude. (laughs)

I'm Ava, his bestie.

- Okay, fine, I have to go to New Jersey

and then JFK in two hours.

Can I even do that?

- Well, not unless you're secretly Batman.

- I freaking wish, dude.

- Okay, (laughs) well, love, it's a bitter fruit.

Throw it back and it becomes dirt.

You know who said that?

My cashier at Land of Donut, she's so smart.

- I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna go get Zack, I'm gonna go.

(slow music)

Hey, I need you to leave so that I can go get Zack.

- Of course, (laughs) of course.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, it was so nice meeting you.

- Okay.

- Ava.

- I got that much.

(slow music continues)

♪ Nothing I won't move ♪

♪ No, there's no chain that I won't break ♪

♪ If it's the middle of the night ♪

♪ Or the start, the start of every day ♪

- [Alexis] Hi, Warren Survowski's office.

- Hi, Alexis, is Warren in?

This is Zack Anthony.

Okay, listen, I need to change my flight

to tomorrow night, okay?

I'll explain later, but it's an emergency.

♪ So I'm on my way, I'm on my way ♪

♪ I'm on my way, I'm on my way ♪

♪ Hey, and I know that it feels right ♪

♪ And I've still got so much left to say ♪

- Can I help you? - I need to talk to Zack.

- He's not here.

- Do you know when he'll be back?

- Not for a while.

- Oh.

I really need to talk to him.

- And you are?

- I'm Zack.

- No, that's my son's name.

- It's my name, too.

It's funny, right?

- Hilarious, and what do you need to talk to Zack about?

- I need to tell him how I feel.

- About?

- About him.

- You know, all these years,

I've tried to keep guys like you away from him,

hoping that he'd get over this phase.

- Phase?

- The gay phase.

- Right, the phase that never ends

'cause it's not a phase at all, that one?

- Maybe the answer is just to let him be.

- I feel like this is a talk you should have with your son,

and not your son's potential boyfriend.

- So you think you can make him happy,

that you can take care of my son?

- I will try.

But, full disclosure,

I can barely take care of myself, so. (laughs)

- Oh, (laughs) you're not really reassuring me here.

(Zack A. laughs)

- It's not really in my job description.

Could you please, please just tell me where Zack is?

- He's at his sister's high school dance, chaperoning.

- How do I get there?

♪ So I'm on my way ♪

- You guys have fun.

♪ On my way ♪

♪ I'm on my way ♪

- [Patty] And who are you?

- [Brenda] You must buy a ticket to get in.

- Buy tickets or hit the bricks.

- That almost made a rhyme, Patty.

- I am an english teacher, Brenda.

- I know, it's so hard for me

to make a good rhyme, though.

That comes with the territory of being a biology teacher.

Pay up, or else no grinding for you.

- No grinding for anyone, Brenda.

- Oh, right, no, no, no grinding.

- Okay, okay, here's $20, can I go in now?

- [Brenda] Yes.

- Thank you.

- You want to kiss?

♪ I'm in so deep ♪

♪ You know I'm such a fool for you ♪

- You're Zack, I knew you'd come.

- Yeah, I'm sorry, who are you?

Random girls keep coming up to me,

yelling at me, I don't know who you are.

- I'm sorry, I'm Zack's sister, I'm Hannah.

Ava told me you were coming

and so I've been on the lookout.

- Okay. - Here you are.

But don't worry, he doesn't know you're here.

So this is the jacket you wore today?

- It's fashionable.

- Okay, yeah, hold on.

Brett, I'm sorry, I don't think you'll be needing that.

I think this would fit you perfectly,

so if you could follow me,

I'll clean you up, it'll be amazing.

- Okay, listen, there's one more thing.

I have an idea.

- You've come to the right place, look.

(door squeaks)

(slow electronic music)

- We're ready.

- Born ready.

- Okay.

♪ I need to come down ♪

- I'm not a vampire.

I just like to pretend I am one sometimes.

- What?

- Like, you know, I don't suck blood, (laughs)

but I don't like to be awake in the daytime.

And that's dried wine on my shirt, stop looking.

No, (laughs) I just wish

someone would write a good book about vampires.

None of these books are accurate depictions of my family.

I mean, my family are normal humans, goth, sweaters.

- I think I actually know someone

that you might like. (laughs)

(lights snapping)

- [boy] Hey, turn the lights back on.

I can't even tell whose boobs these are.

- Hi, I don't go here, and I'm not a high schooler.

- [girl] Yeah, we can see that.

- Thank you.

But I am gonna sing a song because

Zack Mandel,

I love you.

(slow piano music)

♪ I have, I have you ♪

♪ Breathing down my neck ♪

♪ I don't, don't know ♪

♪ What you could possibly expect under this condition ♪

♪ So I'll wait, I'll wait ♪

♪ For the ambulance to come pick us up ♪

♪ Off the floor ♪

♪ What could you possibly expect under this condition ♪

♪ So slow down ♪

♪ This night's the perfect shade of dark blue ♪

♪ Dark blue ♪

♪ Have you ever been alone in a crowded room ♪

♪ When I'm here with you ♪

♪ I'd save the world from burning ♪

♪ 'Til there's nothing but dark blue ♪

♪ Just dark blue ♪

(upbeat rock music)

(audience cheers)

(upbeat rock music continues)

(upbeat rock music continues)

(upbeat rock music continues)

♪ This flood, this flood is ♪

♪ Slowly rising up, swallowing the ground beneath my feet ♪

♪ Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition ♪

♪ So I'll swim, I'll swim ♪

♪ As the water rises up, sun is sinking down ♪

♪ And now all I can see ♪

♪ Is the planets in a row suggesting it's best that I ♪

♪ Slow down ♪

♪ This night's the perfect shade of dark blue, dark blue ♪

♪ Have you ever been alone ♪

♪ In a crowded room when I'm here with you ♪

♪ I saved the world from burning, dark blue ♪

♪ We're boxing ♪

♪ We're boxing stars ♪

♪ We're boxing ♪

♪ You were swinging from Mars ♪

♪ And then the water reached the West Coast ♪

♪ Into the power lines ♪

♪ And it was me and you ♪

♪ And the whole town underwater ♪

♪ And there was nothing ♪

♪ We could do ♪

♪ It was dark blue ♪

♪ Dark blue, dark blue ♪

♪ Have you ever been alone ♪

♪ Have you ever been alone ♪

♪ Have you ever been alone ♪

♪ In the dark blue ♪

♪ In the dark blue ♪

♪ In the dark blue ♪

(upbeat rock music continues)

(audience applauds) (audience cheers)

(audience continues cheering)

(slow electronic music)

- You, uh...

- Yeah.

- Hmm, I'm sorry.

- Me too.

- I didn't mean to run away, I just, you know-

- I know, I know.

I didn't mean to make you feel like you couldn't come back.

- You know I told you I didn't know

what would make me feel this way, but...

It took you.

- That's really beautiful.

You can also thank your terrifying friend.

She was an absolute nightmare.

- What, did Ava come and see?

Oh, my god, how's your ball sack?

- It's fine.

- Oh, okay.

- Wait, Zack, what was she gonna do to my ball sack?

- Shh, it's all better now.

- Hey, Zack.

- Yeah?

- Are you disappointed I'm me?

- What, what do you mean?

- I've imagined who you are every day

for the past 15 years, and you are exactly

who I want you to be, but am I?

- You're even better.

(slow electronic music)

- What? (laughs)

- You are 1,000 times better

than anything I could have ever dreamed of.

I love you, Zack.

You are my turtle, you are my right other turtle.

- The turtle thing again?

- Yes. (laughs)

- I love you, too.

- What do you say we get out of here?

- That sounds really good.

♪ Back in the waters that I barely survived ♪

♪ That night that you colored my hair ♪

♪ I knew something real special was there ♪

♪ But I was scared ♪

♪ Three small words are so big ♪

♪ When they're for you ♪

♪ Three small words are so big ♪

♪ When they're for ♪

(upbeat electronic music)

♪ Three small words are so big ♪

♪ When they're for ♪

(upbeat electronic music continues)

♪ Three small words are so big ♪

♪ When they're for ♪

- [Director] Let's reset from the top.

- Sorry, I forgot that.

Time to go, have fun.

(keyboard clatters)

Oh, shit. (laughs) - Please don't destroy my desk.

- Bye. (laughs)

- [Director] Cut.

- So Zack was my first kiss.

- It's dry, (laughs) it's good, but it's a little dry.

- [Director] Cut for-

- I can't talk.

- I really hope you're right.

- [Kenny] I am right.

- Now to get back to the important things,

you really don't know what "blue" means?

Like, you've never heard this before, ever?

No one's ever told you,

"I feel blue"? - Zack, look.

You know I'm an old soul.

I don't keep up to date with all the trends, okay?

I march to the beat of my own drum, and-

- [Zack M.] I'm right, get off of me.

You know, do you know what color this is?

- [Kenny] Sad.

♪ So I'm on my way ♪

- Okay, be right back.

♪ I'm on my way ♪

- We're gonna kiss later.

Enjoy the show.

- And I hate actresses and I don't know why you date them.

- Wait, what about me, you like me, right?

- Yes, Peter, you're not an actress.

- And you like me, even though I can't do a British accent?

- I mean, it's disappointing, but sure, I like you.

I'm gonna go get drunk.

- Okay.

- [Chloe] Do you mean you're gonna go get a drink?

- I mean what I mean. (laughs)

♪ Oh, I know that there is ♪

- Bye.

- I love you.

- I love you more, baby. (air kisses)

Goddamn, I'm good. (cheers)

(Paul makes trumpet noise)

- [Director] Quiet, please.

- It's the best thing in the world.

- It's so fucking cool.

Don't be using your credit card on that-

- [Director] Can you guys hold real quick?

Sorry to interrupt, hold.

We're gonna dust that hair off the jacket.

If you can get a roller, please.

Sorry, guys. (group laughs)

- [Speaker] Just like that (indistinct).

- I need more icing, I ate it all.

- [Speaker] Oh, my god.

♪ The start of every day ♪

- [Speaker] How close is that, actually?

(background noise drowns out speaker)

Great.

- Oh, it was just an old man asking if he smelled young.

- [Zack A.] What?

- Get back to work.

- [Zack A.] What?

- Get back to work and finish the draft.

- [Zack A.] Or else?

- I'll poop on you.

- [Zack A.] Okay, you and Chloe are into some weird shit.

(Peter laughs)

♪ I'm on my way ♪

- You're really stupid, you know that?

- I'm sorry, who are you?

- Okay, I don't think that's the question

you need to be asking me.

- Okay, but you just barged into my apartment,

and I have no clue who you are- - [Ava] Oh, have I?

- Oh, I'm sorry, (laughs) I am so sorry.

- You made almost a good rhyme, Brenda.

- I am an english teacher, Brenda.

(group laughs)

(group chattering)

- Because, Zack Mandel, I love you.

♪ Oh, I know that there is love and I promise ♪

♪ I believe ♪

- And I sing the song.

- [Director] Cut. (group chattering)

(group laughs)

- [Zack M.] He's got his credit card

for you whenever you're ready. - Credit card?

- Yes. - Man, nice try.

I don't have credit.

- Oh, really?

- [Zack A.] No.

- Oh, that's attractive for a first date, yeah.

- [Zack A.] Yeah, I know, (laughs) yeah-

- Nothing says sinking credit like love, you know?

- No, no, no, no, also I pee myself a lot, so.

- [Zack M.] Oh, wow, okay, cool.

Can't wait to see that. (group laughs)

♪ I'm on my way ♪

(Zack M. laughs)

- Okay, (laughs) okay.

- This conversation's over, don't say a word.

Oh, fuck. (picture clatters)

(door rattles)

- [Director] Cut.

(group chattering) (group laughs)

- Will you go over narwhals for me really quick?

- What's a narwhal?

- I think it's, like,

it's like uh-huh,

and uh-huh.

♪ And I know that it feels right and I'm still ♪

- [Director] Cut it, cut it.

♪ I have so much left to say ♪

- Will you go over narwhals for me really quick?

- So it's like a cat.

- Oh.

Let's watch a- a movie.

- Okay.

- [Director] Cut, cut.

- Good things come to those who wait.

You complicated it so much.

- I don't think so, Zack.

- That's a picture wrap on Zack Anthony. (cheers)

(slow music)

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)