Original subtitles

♪ The Simpsons ♪

[crows]

I really hope you chumps are happy

because I had to open up at 6:00 a.m. here.

Thank you, Moe. And thank you, Pro Football,

for playing your worst games every year in London.

Yeah, the game starts so early, now we can spend Sunday morning

as God intended, not in church.

And still drunk from last night.

[commentator] Welcome back to Wembley Stadium

where the score at the interval

is Jacksonville Jaguars 25, Buffalo Williams nil.

Oh, boy. I got a hundred quid on the Jaguars,

and I don't even know how much that is.

I'm Buffalo all the way. Ten bob, six shillings, baby.

Hey, you know, I've dabbled in a lot of "anonymouses," but never gambling.

Yeah, I always thought betting was for class acts like, uh, James Bond,

uh, Pete Rose, uh, Secretariat.

Why don't you give it a try, Moseph?

Yeah. Make one little bet on the next game.

Baltimore, Detroit. It's harmless fun.

[mumbles] Yeah, all right. I guess I could bet a buck.

That's nothing to get too worked up about.

[Moe grunts]

[Homer grunting]

[Homer] The walrus has his own money.

[commentator] And we are underway here in Baltimore

as the Ravens take on the Detroit Lions.

Beautiful day for football.

And Detroit scores.

Baltimore ties it up!

Detroit kick is good.

Touchdown Baltimore!

And Detroit is coming back.

Baltimore retakes the lead.

Man, this game could go either way.

Detroit player injured.

Baltimore just might pull it out.

Oh, my God. I'm gonna win. Turns out I was a winner all my life.

[commentator] Oh, but what's this? Detroit scores a last-second safety.

And the Lions are victorious.

The who scores an "un-what" and the where's are "what-torious"?

Geez. Tough luck, Moe. You lost.

Damn you, Baltimore!

You crab-infested Edgar Allen Poe munchers.

[mutters]

Ah, calm down, Moe. It was just a dollar.

To you, it was just a dollar. To me, it was a whole simoleon. All right?

- Get the hell out of here. All of youse. - [yelping]

- Bar's closed. You too, Slump-o. - [Homer] We're leaving.

Slump-o?

I don't like the sound of that squish.

Guys, I think Larry's...

dead.

I don't know why we had to come here. Funerals are stupid.

You're all excused from coming to mine.

Good. I had something that day anyway.

[whispers] I didn't have anything that day.

Homie, you have to pay your respects.

You spent more time with Larry than your own kids.

That's not true at all.

Who's my best friend? What's my favorite subject?

Who do I admire most in the world? How old am I? And what color is my bike?

Pass. Pass. Crackle from Snap, Crackle and Pop. Pass.

And trick question, you have a skateboard.

Huh. I'm strangely comforted by the passes.

[Marge] Wow. Light turnout.

I'm so glad you guys could make it.

How could we not? Larry was around.

So, we just throw some money into this tip jar here?

What's the right amount? One? Five? One?

This is gonna take a while. Wanna crash a few funerals?

Meh. I'm already wearing a dress.

So, as you sail alone 'cross the wide and dark seas of eternity,

you shall remain evermore in our hearts.

Yar-IP, my feathered friend.

You always said that you wanted one of these, Polly, and now you have one.

[all crying]

[chuckles] Check me out, Lis. I'm bearing pall. [grunts]

Aunt Eunice, you saw us through so much, triumph and sorrow.

And it's a comfort to know that you died at 92 of natural causes.

Natural causes? She clearly died from the vaccine.

You shut up, Robert F. Quimby Jr.

You're an embarrassment to this family. And that's saying a lot.

[organ plays]

Sorry I'm late. Uh...

Who we doing today?

A sad balding drunk who hung out at Moe's.

Got it.

Homer Simpson was a beloved pillar of this community.

He thinks you died. Do something.

Why? He's saying nice things. You never call me a pillar.

- [whispering] - He's not? Are you sure?

[groans] Anyhoo.

And now a few words from Larry's mother,

Iris Dalrymple.

Well, my Lawrence always talked about his best friends,

the fellows at Moe's Tavern.

It would warm my heart if they came up

and shared fond memories of my son.

I'm not talking. You talk.

- I didn't know him. - No one did.

Your stool was closest.

Perhaps one of you could talk about Larry's love of fishing.

Uh. Um.

One time, we went to this great fishing lake, Lake Fish.

Oh, yeah. Fish Lake was full of...

fish.

You know who always caught the biggest fish?

Who? Who?

[stammers] I wanna say Larry.

- [chuckles] Big Fish Larry. - Oh, yeah. Larry indeed.

- [Lenny] Watch out, fish. - What a true story.

[sighs]

Why did you never take the time to get to know this man?

Hey, at least we came, huh? Hey, Barney totally blew this off.

Said he had something more important to do. Uh, selfish jerk.

[in Spanish] The well is complete.

Your village finally has clean water!

[villagers cheering]

[belches]

Marge, Larry just didn't fit into our band of bros.

The four of us are closer than close.

Yeah, we're like the Sex and the City broads.

Except, uh, super gross.

Yeah, Larry just wasn't part of our deal.

Because you never asked him to be.

All he ever wanted was a simple human connection.

But instead, he died unloved in a bar.

[Homer groans]

[singers] ♪ Ah Look at all the lonely barflies ♪

♪ Ah, look at all the lonely barflies ♪

♪ Larry the barfly Sat at a stool every night ♪

♪ And he ordered a beer ♪

♪ Shedding a tear ♪

♪ Look at him eating Checking his phone all alone ♪

♪ As he sits with his pain ♪

♪ Chicken chow mein ♪

♪ All the lonely Larrys ♪

♪ They all come to an end ♪

♪ All the lonely Larrys ♪

♪ Forgotten by their friends ♪

Is it possible we're terrible people?

Yes. But the one I'm really disappointed in is Lenny.

What?

You just always struck me as a sensitive guy with a good heart.

I did?

I'm so sorry to interrupt, gentlemen, but I found this in my son's room.

[all gasp]

It's all five of us.

Hey, it kinda looks like we're in front of Serenity Falls.

I know. We should all take Larry's ashes there, together.

- [Moe, Homer, Carl] Huh? - It's the sensitive thing to do.

[gasps] That's a wonderful idea.

I can't go to Serenity Falls. It sounds stressful.

- [Marge grunts] - And I love stress.

[Lenny] The four amigos are on the road.

Or should I say five?

[singers] ♪ All the lonely barflies Confronting mortal dread ♪

♪ Their souls in need of searching ♪

♪ They booze it up instead ♪

See, Larry? We're not so bad.

We're taking you to your special place, Serenity Falls.

Let's get this over with. I got a big date with my girl.

Naima is taking me to see the reunited Kool & The Gang.

Didn't she date one of the gang?

One of? She dated Kool.

- [Lenny] Wow. - [Homer] Whoa. Cool.

We spent a million hours with this guy but he never felt like one of us.

He was a drunk, and we're just social drinkers who also drink alone.

Two different worlds.

I just hope that if Larry knew we were doing this,

it would make him happy.

Yeah. As happy as Naima when she was dishing it out to Kool, huh?

Would you shut up?

Sorry, sorry. Hey, let's listen to some music, huh?

Get your mind off of, uh, you know, things.

♪ Get down on it ♪

♪ Get down on it ♪

[Carl groans]

[crickets chirping]

Could you turn off the light?

And leave Larry all alone in the dark?

[chuckles] Can you believe this guy?

Larry's not here. He's dead.

His ghost is here.

All right, come on, Lenny. Ghosts ain't real, huh?

Yes, they are.

I believe that Larry's ghost is hovering above us,

blowing out birthday candles, helping figure skaters land their jumps,

and cooling down hot soup with his icy cold ghost finger.

Lenny, Lenny, Lenny.

Everybody knows that when you die, your soul becomes cosmic energy

until your consciousness is reborn

as a creature that befits your metaphysical station,

be it mighty moose or a proud paramecium.

Shut your traps, you deluded freaks.

Here's the deal. When you croak, it's just a sad silent void.

Nothing. And it's not even a regular nothing.

It's an absence of everything, huh?

Where no matter how hard you think, you can't imagine how nothing it is.

Like that abandoned mall where the JCPenney's is full of bears?

- [bear growls] - No.

[scoffs] You're all wrong.

Why have questions when we have the Bible?

I didn't serve 20 years to life in church

not to cash in on those frequent prayer miles.

I can't wait till I die so I can slide in next to Larry

and eat buffalo angel wings for all eternity without a celery stick in sight.

- Ghosts. - Void.

- Space moose. - Wings.

Don't listen to them, Ghost Larry.

Void!

First pee of the day. Let's make it count.

[yawning]

[gasps] Larry, get back in your jar.

What the hell is this?

And this? And this? What parts of Larry were these?

[grunting]

[whistles]

Hey, Homer. What you doing down there?

Sweet Tabasco Sally. Is thems what I think thems is?

Hmm. Sapphires.

Larry's ashes were full of them. What gives?

Larry must have had these Smurf stones crammed up his wazoo

when they "crematized" him.

He must have been moving stolen gems across the northern border

by stuffin' 'em up his southern pass. [chuckles]

All I knows is Larry is dead, and we are rich.

Oh, my God. You're right. We gotta tell Lenny and Carl.

Uh, whoa, whoa. Quick sidebar.

Um... [chuckles] ...do we really wanna bother our gentlemen friends

with this here, uh, "gem-alogical" situation?

- Why wouldn't we? - Oh, bless your heart.

But... [chuckles] ...uh, whatever money these corpse jewels yield,

we'd be crazy to split it four ways. [groans]

- [groans] - Look,

you and me need this money way more than Lenny and Carl.

All right? You got an expensive trophy wife and, like, a thousand crazy kids.

And all I got is a crummy bar full of toxic black mold.

What? [coughs]

I guess I do have a lot of financial burdens.

[Carl knocks on door] Hey, open up. I gotta record my gum depth.

Two, two, two, three, two...

Okay, getting ready to lie to our friends. And showtime.

- Good morning, dearest Carlton. - I know what's going on in here.

[Homer, Moe stammering]

You guys were getting up early

to use the two free continental breakfast vouchers without us.

Well, we're using them. Me and Larry.

Don't worry. We'll get our chance. Mmm.

Wait a sec. This ain't the road to the falls.

Yeah, I took the scenic route.

I thought Larry would appreciate seeing those wildflowers.

Guess who planted those? Lady Bird Johnson.

What the hell, Lenny?

You know I gotta get back to save my lady from the clutches of Kool & The Gang.

I thought you weren't worried.

Of course I'm worried.

They won the 2014 Soul Train Music Legend Award.

- Now, let's get back on the highway. - [screams]

- [Carl] Give it-- - [tires screeching]

[all grunting]

- [Moe grunts] - [Homer yelps]

[both grunting]

[Moe grunts]

- Oh. - [Moe sighs]

I'm sorry, Carl. I'll get back on the highway.

No, you go however you want. Let's do right by Larry.

- [tires squeal] - [Homer gasps]

[both] Larry!

[Moe, Homer] Our secret gems! [panting]

All right, nothing to see here, huh? Just, uh, crystallized Larry chunks.

Gems. Gems, gems, gems. Gems. Gems, gems. Precious gems.

There were sapphires in Larry's urn?

And you knew?

Look, guys, we can explain. You see--

Homer talked me into screwing youse over

so we could keep them gems all for ourselves, all right?

- [Carl, Lenny] What? - You liar!

[sheriff] Hands up!

Back away from the urn.

Y'all are under arrest for violating section 545 of the US Commerce Code.

Jewel smuggling.

[all groan]

Y'all get in the "frunk."

[car alarm sounds]

[Carl, Lenny, Homer, Moe groans]

[Homer] Oh. Front trunk. "Frunk." Now I get it. [chuckling]

[Homer, Lenny, Moe, Carl crying]

[Lenny] I'm not going to jail 'cause you two were gem smuggling.

It's worse than that, dummy.

Homer and Moe weren't gonna tell us about the sapphires they found

in the Larry crumbs.

I wanted to tell you, but Homer threatened to set my bar on fire.

What? You told me to keep the gems a secret.

And I only listened to you because I'm highly suggestible.

- No, you're not. - You're right. I'm not.

Who cares?

All I know is we were the victims of an A1 screw-job.

This is the worst thing you guys have ever done.

- [Homer groans] - Oh, yeah, Carl?

Well, what about when you won a year's supply of Old El Paso taco kits

and never invited me over?

You won that contest?

I wrote the taco poem.

You must have submitted it as yours.

Maybe I just got tired of hearing your voice

that sounds like a duck with a sinus infection.

"The box contains seasoning and five broken shells.

You and your family buy everything else.

Old El Paso."

He does sound like a duck. Now, I'll never not hear it.

You knew broken shells are my thing.

[all grunting, groaning]

- [Carl] Hmm. - [Homer grunts]

Is this what we're like when we're sober?

We're nothing like the Sex and the City broads.

You take us out of that bar, and what's holding us together?

Nothing.

And to think all Larry wanted out of life was to be part of this friend group.

What a dumb, dead chump.

[sheriff] Hey, boss. I found the idiots who took Larry's last haul.

They're just a bunch of losers that hate each other. [chuckles]

[all groan]

It's all taken care of.

Excellent work, Mickey No-Loose-Ends.

So what you want me to do with them?

Mmm, let them go. They know nothing.

Got it. No loose ends.

[magazine loading]

Ugh. I gotta pay more attention to the nicknames when I hire these guys.

Now, can you go pick up Connie at the airport, Bruno Wife-Banger?

Hey, with pleasure.

[whistling]

[Mickey No-Loose-Ends] No loose ends.

This psycho ain't a sheriff. He's a psycho.

Oh. And we're his loose ends. We're all gonna die.

Oh. What if Lenny's right and we're all gonna be ghosts?

What if Moe is right and it's just a void?

Incomprehensible nothing.

I don't think I can handle that.

No, no, no. Homer's heaven makes sense to me now.

Hey, Lord. I repent everything I ever done.

That He knows about. [chuckles]

Guys, I think Carl's stupid energy crap is real.

And I'm totally coming back as one of those koalas with an STD.

[grunting]

[Homer grunting]

Hey, hey. Look at this.

I could blast him when he opens the "frunk."

- That's our only hope. - Flare gun. Flare gun will save us.

- [car alarm sounds] - Time to get out. Whoa.

Eat flare, jerk.

[Homer, Carl, Moe, Lenny screaming]

- [Homer] Whew. - [Carl] Oh.

- [Homer whimpers] - [Moe groans]

[all scream]

Nobody move.

As long as our weight is balanced, we're not going over.

Although, if one of us jumped out,

that person would save themselves and everyone else would die.

So, any one of us could save themselves and doom the rest?

[all] No!

Our only hope is to jump out at the exact same time.

Either we all survive or we all find out what the afterlife is. Together.

Unless it's the void. In which case, we won't find out nothing.

Okay, on three.

One, two...

[all] Three.

- Yay. We did it. - Whoo!

You don't jump on three. You jump on "Go." One, two, three, go.

The three is the "go."

Agree to disagree!

I probably should leave, but I can't.

Got to make sure there's no... [groans] ...loose ends.

Larry?

It can't be. It's another urn.

[screaming]

- [tires screech] - [grunting]

[thuds]

[groans] What happened?

Ow. [groans]

Larry saved your life.

Wow. These electric cars even explode quiet.

And look. We're right here at Serenity Falls, Larry's special place.

Wait. This don't look the same at all.

This whole stupid trip, where we were driven apart

and then came back together with a much deeper bond, was for nothing.

Oh, my God. Guys.

I think I know where Larry really wanted us to take his death dust and bone chunks.

[singers] ♪ Cherish the love we have ♪

- ♪ We should cherish the life we live ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪

Welcome home, Larry. Enjoy your special place.

It's too bad we lost those sapphires.

I guess they fell out of the urn.

Yeah. It's a real mystery.

[Moe chuckles] Ow.

♪ Cherish the love we have ♪

♪ For as long as we both shall live ♪

Shh!