Original subtitles

( Jack Jones' "The Love Boat" playing)

♪ Love ♪

♪ Exciting and new ♪

♪ Come aboard ♪

♪ We're expecting you ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ It floats back to you ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Soon will be making Another run ♪

♪ The Love Boat ♪

♪ Promises something For everyone ♪

♪ Set a course for adventure ♪

♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ And love ♪

♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ It's an open smile ♪

♪ On a friendly shore ♪

♪ It's love ♪

♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪

( majestic theme playing)

( indistinct chattering)

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

I'm Captain Stubing.

Oh, I'm Eleanor Gardener.

Welcome aboard. Thank you.

Have you sailed with us before?

Oh, no, no. No, I'm a novice. This is my first cruise.

Tell me, do they have organized tours

at ports like Mazatlán or Puerto Vallarta?

Yes, we can give you that information

in the Purser's Lobby.

Oh.

Uh, but when we get to port,

would you care for a personal escort?

Oh.

Well, that sounds very interesting.

I'll ask my husband when he comes aboard.

Husband?

My husband is Dr. Todd Gardener, the author.

Mrs. Gardener. ( laughs)

I'll check out that information.

Please, don't hesitate to call me

if you need anything, anywhere, at any time.

Until then, have a wonderful cruise, and welcome aboard.

GOPHER: So I'll see you around the ship.

Okay, bye-bye.

Uh, Gardener. Dr. Todd Gardener.

Gopher? What?

Gardener.

Dr. Gardener? Yes, dear.

I'm Nancy Bishop. Hi.

Have we met?

No, but your picture's on the jacket of your book.

Oh, right.

Dr. Gardener wrote The Now Marriage.

Oh, I don't believe I'm familiar with your book.

It's all about open marriage,

where husbands and wives agree to have other relationships.

Yes.

Other relationships.

You mean like fooling around?

Gopher.

Ah, yes, Dr. and Mrs. Gardener

are in Cabin 350 on the Promenade Deck.

Well, how about that?

Your cabin's right down the hall from mine.

Well, good, I've always believed in the good-neighbor policy.

Excusez-moi.

I'd like to get a copy of his book.

Yeah.

I'd like to read it.

I'd like to shove it down his throat.

( jazzy theme playing)

Can I help you, ma'am?

Oh, thank you. Um, I'm Irene Austin.

Oh, Mrs. Austin, you're on the Promenade Deck,

Cabin 346, and your friend Mr. Hopkins will be in 348.

Mr. Hopkins hasn't checked in?

Not yet, no.

Oh, good. I have some time to make some major repairs.

Oh, you don't need repairs. You look wonderful.

For an older woman.

Oh, I don't know why I let Andy talk me into this crazy idea

in the first place.

Pardon me?

He's expecting the Irene Austin he knew in college.

That's 40...

Well, count them, 40 years ago.

You haven't seen him since then?

Well, we've kept in touch. Christmas cards, letters.

When Andy found out about my divorce,

he wrote and suggested that we meet again, here.

That's what I call romantic.

But what if he doesn't recognize me?

Mrs. Austin, he's 40 years older too.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

And for all I know, he could be a baldheaded old man

with a potbelly. Yeah. ( both laugh)

We'll make a perfect pair.

GOPHER: Okay, Mr. Hopkins.

Promenade Deck is just up those stairs,

348's to your right.

( gasps)

It's him. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, he's so young-looking.

Have yourself a wonderful cruise.

I'm sure I will. I'm sure I will.

( chuckles)

Well, he is a good-looking guy.

I'll go tell him you're here.

No, no. I'm going to my cabin.

Okay. But, you know, he's gonna ask about you.

What do I tell him?

Don't tell him anything. Nothing.

Just find him somebody his own age.

Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Hello, darling.

Julie, Gopher,

I'd like you to meet my ex-, ex-, ex-, ex-wife,

the incomparable Betty Bricker.

How do you do? How do you do?

So nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Well, it won't be Bricker much longer.

Adam, I'd like you to meet the incomparable Lance Wilson,

my betrothed.

Believe me, darling, it wasn't easy to replace you,

but then Lance came along,

and he's so immensely wealthy and successful

and, of course, when it came to looks,

there was no comparison.

Uh, welcome aboard, Lance.

Well, thanks, guys and gal.

( both laugh)

Well, I guess we should go to our cabin, Lancey baby.

Hm? Hey, no sense in you tiring

those pretty little legs of yours.

Whoa. ( squeals, laughs)

BETTY: Oh, you are absolutely fabulous.

Baby, push the up button, please.

I certainly will. ( laughs)

I don't know what she sees in him.

Yeah, he's nothing.

Tall, dark, handsome, debonair, gorgeous.

Yeah, he's nothing.

So I was wrong.

You can put me down now.

But I like holding you.

Besides, as an actor,

it's helping me get into my role.

Well, just remember it's only a role.

I hired you to play my fiancé

for one reason and one reason only:

To get Doc back.

All right. I'm just practicing for the honeymoon.

And when I carry you across that threshold, I'm gonna...

Lance, there's no audience here.

Hm?

( mellow theme playing)

Yes? Irene.

No.

( foghorn sounding) ( grandiose theme playing)

There seem to be some very attractive people onboard.

We should meet them.

I'm already married to a very attractive man.

Well, thank you.

Besides, I have a confession to make.

I brought my date with me.

You did? Mm-hm.

Ernest Hemingway. We've been having an affair for years.

So you see, I don't need any new affairs.

Is that your oblique way

of saying you think I want to have an affair?

Hm!

Look, Eleanor,

let me try and explain one last time.

When I wrote about open marriage, it was just a theory,

a way to help couples circumvent

the unnatural restrictions of monogamy

and deepen their love for one another

by enriching their own lives.

Since that time, I've seen it work.

I've helped a lot of couples stay together.

You've had a lot of failures too.

Ah-ha, that's part of the theory.

If a marriage doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be.

I'm happy with you. Aren't you happy with me?

Well, of course I am.

I just don't see how it could hurt us

to try some new relationships.

( chuckles)

I know you believe in what you're saying,

so I'm not going to stand in your way.

But as for me, I'll stick with my old relationships.

Ernest

and you.

( romantic theme playing)

Hey.

Hey, nice bathing suit.

Thank you.

I bought it in the men's shop. All I did was...

sign your name.

Lance, I'm not made of money.

Nobody in theater expects an actor

to supply his own wardrobe.

Oh, well, it's just a bathing suit.

And a new tuxedo and dress shirt.

Lance.

I bought the bow tie.

( sighs)

Oh, by the way, we're having dinner

at the captain's table tonight.

Eight o'clock sharp.

Really? Mm-hm.

I wonder what time it is now.

A watch too?

That's a very important prop.

Take it back.

What's my motivation?

Your motivation is, if you don't take it back,

I'm gonna break both your legs.

That works for me.

( chuckles)

Andy, may I talk to you?

ANDY: Huh? Oh, uh, sure.

Andy, there's something I have to tell you.

If you're not Irene Austin,

you're close enough to be her sister.

That's what I wanna tell you.

I'm, uh... I'm her older sister, Althea.

I didn't know Irene had a sister.

Oh, brothers, sisters. She's got them all.

Well, uh, Althea,

uh, how come Irene didn't make the cruise?

She, um... Well, she just changed her mind.

She decided to go back to her ex-husband.

Oh, I get the picture.

Oh, but she's sorry. She's really sorry.

A lot.

Well, you tell Irene no hard feelings.

I hope she's very happy.

I'll tell her.

I'll... I'll tell her.

I'll also tell her she's an idiot.

( wistful theme playing)

What do I owe you?

Nothing.

Compliments of the lady.

Lady?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Well, hi, neighbor.

Hi. Neighbor and fan.

Oh, the book. What did you, uh...?

What did you think of it?

I'm always interested in a lay opinion.

Well, you won't get one from me. I'm a psych major.

I'm doing postgraduate work on the sexual revolt of the '70s.

And you think my book is revolting?

Don't tell me my idol has clay feet.

No, just cold feet.

Tell me, how do I...?

How do I get up enough nerve to ask you to dinner?

Are you nervous?

Oh, I get it. Your wife, right?

Oh, no. No, that's not it at all.

I'm free to practice what I preach.

Well, doctor, what you need is a little less preaching

and a little more practice.

Why don't you meet me at 6:00 for cocktails?

Six for cocktails.

( whistles)

Don't tell me you're still hiding

from that nice Mr. Hopkins.

Worse than that, Julie. I told him I didn't come.

I told him I went back to my ex-husband.

I claimed to be somebody else.

Oh.

And the thing about it is, Julie, you were right.

He is that nice Mr. Hopkins.

Really nice Mr. Hopkins.

And... Oh, rats.

( stirring theme playing)

Hi, honey.

Glad to see you finally got out of the cabin.

Well, I was going to go into the lounge for a drink.

Look, how about you buying me

a margarita, good-looking?

Well, as a matter of fact,

I already have a date for cocktails.

Oh.

I'll cancel if you want.

An open marriage has to be a two-way street.

I mean, there's no point... No. No, no, that's all right.

You go ahead.

Really.

Thanks. I was counting on your support.

( chuckles)

What about dinner?

Us?

No, I mean you and the girl, silly.

Well, well, you go ahead. I'll be fine.

You sure?

Of course.

That's my girl.

( chuckles)

You're the best.

Mwah.

( accordion music playing)

Good evening. Good evening.

Good evening.

ALL: Good evening.

Excuse us. Excuse us.

Adam, would you be a dear

and tell us how to get to the captain's table?

Of course. You start as a midshipman and work your way up.

( laughs)

Oh, Adam, you still don't have any sense of humor.

Oh, incidentally, Adam,

Lance owns several large hospitals.

Just in case you ever tire of being the Dr. Schweitzer

of the seasick and the sunburned.

Ha-ha. Follow me, please.

Why didn't you tell me about owning hospitals?

I could have done a whole scene from Marcus Welby.

Hi. Hi.

I will put on my fanciest duds and my sexiest perfume.

I'm gonna make you forget my sister.

That's not going to be easy.

I've been in love with Irene as long as I can remember.

Good evening, Mrs. Gardener.

Oh, good evening, captain.

We met at a Las Vegas gambling casino.

Lance had $15,000 riding on a hand of blackjack,

and he already had the dealer beat.

And suddenly I walk by.

And he folds his hand, and he follows me.

( laughs)

What was it you said about that, honey?

Hm? Oh! Uh, it was...

Easy come, easy go. Right? Right.

( both laugh)

Oh... That wasn't in the script.

Haven't you ever heard of an ad lib?

Doc, we haven't heard any of your stories tonight.

Why don't you tell us about the time

you saved the life of Howard Hughes?

Oh, it was really nothing much.

Well, we were in the vicinity of his private yacht

when we received a distress signal.

The distress signal came... Waiter?

Champagne for everyone at the table, please.

Well, we were near his private yacht

when we received this distress signal.

Waiter, uh,

make that champagne for everyone at the surrounding tables too.

Well, we received this distress signal.

Excuse me, will you?

Doc.

Story.

Well, I forget.

( majestic theme playing)

Mrs. Gardener.

( sniffles)

Is there anything I can do?

Do?

I see what's happening.

I just thought you might like someone to talk to,

a shoulder to cry on,

even though it is the shoulder of a stranger.

Oh, thank you, captain. Oh, you've got it all wrong.

I, uh...

I'm encouraging my husband to see that young woman.

He thinks somehow

it will help our marriage, and, uh...

( whimpering)

somehow he really believes in what he's doing.

Maybe he does.

I don't.

I don't think you do either.

Oh.

Captain,

I think I'll take that shoulder after all.

( sniffles)

( soft dance music playing)

( all applaud)

Irene told me what a wonderful dancer you were.

She's a wonderful girl.

There's only one Irene.

Uh, what else did she tell you about me?

Well, she told me about the night you pinned her

at your fraternity house.

And she also told me what happened at the lake later.

( chuckles)

You know, uh, after Irene got married,

she sent my fraternity pin back to me.

It may sound silly,

but I was hoping, uh, I could pin it on her again.

May I see it, please?

Oh, of course.

You can have it if you'd like.

I have no use for it anymore, now.

Oh, no, I... I couldn't.

You'll find somebody nice to give it to, someday.

I've already found somebody nice to give it to.

Oh.

I still can't believe I'm here with you.

I mean, I knew from your book

that you were a warm and giving person.

When you're with the right person, it's not the giving.

It's the sharing.

Exactly.

I feel I can share so much with you.

You have a way of making a person

really get in touch with her feelings.

And you have a way of helping a person get back in touch

with the feelings he thought he'd lost.

Oh, Todd.

You know, sometimes in our work,

we talk about interpersonal relationships

until the words almost lose their meaning.

Mm-hm.

And then we have to find the meaning again.

I think we have.

( soft jazz music playing)

I feel foolish coming in here with you.

I feel honored coming in here with you.

Even though I'm a married lady?

I'll introduce you as my niece.

( both laugh)

You see, just because you're miserable,

doesn't mean you shouldn't have fun.

Why'd she have to bring him here?

Free country.

Hey, Doc, being divorced from Betty

hasn't slowed you down up till now.

You guys.

You think of me as this sophisticated,

extremely charming man that all the women go wild for

when really I'm a lonely wretch who spends his life wondering

why he can't keep the love of a good woman.

There was a time when I thought Betty and I could last forever.

But then... You started dating some blond.

How'd you find out about that?

( people applauding)

Wait here, darling.

You know how Lance is quietly powerful?

You're noisily lecherous.

Hey, Betty. Here's your drink.

Oh, thank you, Isaac. I really need it.

Mm.

Lance is just dancing my feet off.

Betty, where did we go wrong?

Oh, darling, who cares? Who cares?

( majestic theme playing)

Oh, I had a wonderful time tonight, Andy.

So did I.

I'm sorry about all this.

I mean, if my sister wanted to change her mind

about meeting you here,

she could have had the decency to at least call you and say so.

Oh, it's okay.

I have to thank Irene for sending you onboard.

In fact,

I wonder if you'd give her this for me.

Or, uh, if you like,

maybe you could keep it for yourself.

( grandiose theme playing)

You don't have to tiptoe.

I'm awake.

( sighs)

You've been crying. No kidding.

Todd, it's 4:00 in the morning.

I knew it was gonna be hard for you

to control your feelings of rejection.

Hey.

You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.

Well, you are doing something to hurt me.

I don't get it.

You agreed to all of this in the beginning.

You're right.

I haven't been spending any time with you.

How about breakfast together?

Bloody Marys, blueberry waffles, the works.

I, um...

I... I already have a date for breakfast.

Oh? Mm-hm.

( dramatic theme playing)

Thanks for bailing me out.

Well, it's always a pleasure

to have breakfast with a beautiful lady.

You know, I've never lied to Todd before,

but suddenly last night

it just seemed very important to say I had a date.

I understand perfectly.

Right now, it's very important

for me to say that I have a date.

With you.

To tour Puerto Vallarta this afternoon.

( chuckles)

Oh, Merrill,

I just feel I'm using you to get back at my husband.

Well, maybe I'm using you.

Maybe I'm taking advantage of a time

when you're confused and upset.

Or maybe we're just two people

who'd like to hear some good Mexican music.

Does that mean yes?

Or do I have to give you a free sample?

( laughs)

♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪

BOTH: ♪ Sing no matter where you are ♪

Good. ♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪

♪ Play it on your old guitar ♪

( laughing): Merrill, yes. Yes. I'd love to.

( mellow theme playing)

Hut, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten...

So that's how you keep looking so young, huh?

Uh-huh. How do you do it?

Me?

Yeah, you.

Oh, no, I'm... I'm not young-looking.

Well, listen, nobody looked like they did in college.

You're telling me.

( chuckling): Well, I'll see you later.

I'm gonna grab a little shower before I melt.

( upbeat theme playing)

There. Ah.

That feels good.

I mean, how does that feel?

I always get what the doctor says

and what the patient says mixed up.

It feels wonderful.

How does this feel?

Like old times.

Oh, Betty, I've missed you.

It was hard breaking up. Yeah.

Just dividing up the china and the silverware took days.

Did we make a mistake?

I know I did. I took the knives and the forks,

and now I haven't got any cups and saucers.

Be serious, Betty.

Maybe... Maybe we should...

Maybe we should what?

What's going on here?

I was just taking something out of her eye.

As a doctor,

I take things out of ladies' eyes all the time.

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe so. But that's not just any eye.

That eye happens to be engaged to me.

Now, take it easy.

Look buddy, you may be good at taking things out of eyes,

but my speciality is putting things into eyes,

namely, my fist.

Adam, let me talk to him.

Well, somebody better talk to him,

or I may just have to punch his lights out.

Oh, yeah?

What do you think you're doing?

Playing the part of a jealous lover.

I thought it came off well, didn't you?

You're ruining everything.

See, I was trying to combine the characters of Cary Grant,

in one of his light comedies,

with Charles Bronson in Death Wish.

You were marvellous. Thank you.

Now, will you please leave?

But I haven't finished the scene.

An actor has to finish the scene.

Otherwise, it's like telling Lady Macbeth,

"Forget the part about stabbing the king."

All right, Lance. We'll both go.

Well, I'm glad you understand.

Because if Lady Macbeth doesn't stab the king,

she is nothing but an ordinary, dissatisfied housewife.

( sighs)

STUBING: We hope you enjoyed your day in Puerto Vallarta.

The ship sets sail at 1800 hours.

( people laughing)

BOTH: ♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪

( scatting)

It's okay. Introduce us.

( chuckles)

Well, of course. I'm being silly.

Um. Todd, this is Captain Merrill Stubing.

How do you do?

Hello.

Where have you been all day?

Puerto Vallarta.

With my friend.

Todd, darling. Why, the gang's all here.

You didn't tell me there was gonna be a party.

No, this isn't a party.

Good, because we were gonna watch the sunset together,

weren't we, lover?

Uh, maybe you two would like to join us.

Well, I thought we'd watch it from the bridge.

Come on, sweetheart. Excuse me.

Thanks, again.

Come on.

( dramatic theme playing)

( people chattering indistinctly)

I love dancing with you.

You do?

I love being with you. I love everything about you.

I guess your plan worked.

I've forgotten all about Irene.

You have?

Well, what's there to remember?

A woman I barely knew 40 years ago.

We exchanged a few letters,

a few phone calls.

But you, I love to dance with you.

We love the same food.

We love to travel.

You and I could have a life together.

Marry me, Althea.

I love you.

Well, what about Irene?

I don't care if I ever see her again.

( dramatic theme playing)

We even dance great together. I guess that clinches it.

Clinches what?

Our relationship, silly.

But I can think of a better way of clinching it.

Yeah.

I have such wonderful plans for us

as soon as you're free of Eleanor.

What do you mean?

I have no intention of being free of Eleanor.

Now, you understood that from the beginning.

Yeah, but haven't things changed now that we,

well, have what we have?

No.

I began this relationship

knowing that it would strengthen the way I feel about my wife.

Well, what do I get out of it?

Well, like you said, what we have.

I see.

You really believe all that junk you write.

Oh, well, of course I do.

Well, I'll tell you something, Todd.

In theory it's great, but, well,

when you're personally involved, it hurts.

Nancy, there's nothing wrong with that.

As long as you allow yourself to experience the pain and...

And don't suppress your feelings.

Do you understand what I mean, dear?

Mm-hm.

Todd. Yeah?

Suppress this.

( upbeat theme playing)

What are you thinking?

That I never would have made it through this cruise without you.

How could I ever thank you?

You can't thank a friend for friendship.

You've been more than a friend.

I'd like to be.

But I'm old-fashioned about what a marriage is.

I wish Todd shared some of your ideas.

And I wish he was the gentleman.

The gentle man that you are.

Todd was right about one thing.

It is good to have new experiences.

And it is good to feel new feelings.

Good night, Merrill.

Uh, Lance, just a moment.

There's something I wanna say to you.

Now, wait. Before you say what you wanna say to me,

there's something I wanna say to you. Come in.

Me first.

No. Me first.

I'd like to... This is my cabin.

All right. I can't argue with that.

Okay.

I've been watching you and Betty.

And she'd probably marry you again.

Only, it wouldn't last.

Because you're from two different worlds.

And when two people are from two different worlds

and living in one world,

that's a total of three worlds for only two people,

leaving a surplus of one world.

That's interesting.

Do you like it?

That's what Claude Rains said to John Garfield

when John Garfield wanted to marry

Rains' daughter, Rosemary Lane.

But of course, it's not exactly what Claude Rains said.

As a serious actor, I like to improvise.

That way, I can bring some of myself to the parts that I play.

You're an actor?

( laughing): Well, of course.

How else could I re-create Claude Rains

right before your very eyes?

That takes years of study with the finest teachers.

Of course, Betty was looking for the best actor she could find

to play the part of her fiancé.

Well, I think you're the most marvellous actor I've ever seen.

( laughs)

There is Olivier. You know, for the older parts.

Being such a great actor,

do you suppose you could play the part of a funeral director?

Well, I suppose so. Why?

Because I'm gonna kill Betty.

You're not gonna touch a hair on her head. I love that woman.

Oh? What movie is that from?

I don't think it's from any movie.

I must really love her.

Yes, I do. I definitely love her.

Well, what good's that gonna do me? She loves you.

She only hired me to make you jealous.

Well, wanting to make me jealous doesn't prove she loves me.

Just the same as being jealous doesn't prove I love her.

But I do love her enough to wanna help her.

Maybe I can help all of us.

How?

I used to do a little acting myself.

In fact, some people thought I was one of the finest

15-year-old King Lears they ever saw.

Needs work.

( door closes)

Oh, you're in early.

How was your evening?

Wonderful. Good.

I knew once you overcame your fears,

this experiment would work.

Don't you wanna know how it is with Nancy and me?

Not really.

Well, it's over.

I'm sure that pleases you.

But the point is,

it was a freeing experience, a personal growth.

Something I can bring

to enrich our marriage.

Todd.

There's no marriage to enrich.

Huh?

I want a divorce.

( dramatic theme playing)

Oh, Betty.

I've been thinking about what went wrong with us,

and I think it's because

I was probably never very honest with you.

I haven't exactly been very honest with you.

No, you've been honest.

But I'm still not honest.

And honesty is the best policy,

so I'm gonna be honest.

Honestly? Hm?

Yes.

I'm married again.

You're what?

And my wife's pregnant.

And there are three little ones by her first marriage.

And I'm supporting her brother because he's unemployable.

He's an archaeologist who can't dig

because of his bad back.

Poor Adam.

And your poor wife.

Oh.

She gets a lot of help from her arthritic mother,

when she isn't falling out of her wheelchair.

How do you cope with all your troubles, Adam?

We usually renew our faith in mankind

and one another by going bowling.

Adam, if you'll excuse me, uh,

I don't want Lance to see us together again and get upset.

Thanks for being honest.

( sighs)

( whistles)

Mr. Hopkins' room, please.

( phone rings)

Hello.

Andy?

This is Althea.

Are you all right?

Yes.

Well, you didn't give me an answer.

Will you marry me?

I can't, Andy. Why?

I just can't.

It... It wouldn't be fair.

I don't understand.

I'm sorry, Andy.

( wistful theme playing)

( whimpering)

I love you, Andy.

I love you too...

Irene.

( sniffles)

You knew?

Of course I knew.

How could I ever forget the face

of the only woman I ever loved?

But I'm...

I'm not the young girl you knew in college.

Those... Those years...

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

And in my eyes,

you're the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

Still.

Mrs. Austin, I was just thinking, why don't you...?

Never mind.

( romantic theme playing)

( upbeat theme playing)

Oh, Nancy.

Hi, honey.

Can I, uh, give you a lift into town?

You mean, can you and Eleanor give me a lift?

Eleanor?

No. No, Eleanor's leaving me.

Aw.

Well, like you always say, if a marriage doesn't work out,

that's the way it was meant to be. Right, Todd?

Does that hurt? Well, good.

Because I want you to feel it, experience it.

Don't suppress it.

Bye, Todd.

Hi. Hi.

Well, bye, Julie.

It's been quite a cruise. It sure has.

Thanks for everything, Gopher. You bet.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Thanks for sailing with us.

Oh, pleasure.

You still haven't answered my question.

Do I look as good as I did when we were in college? Do I?

Now, listen here, young lady. I don't want you to say, "Do I?"

I want you to say, "I do."

I do. I do.

( laughs): That's right.

Perhaps we'll have a chance to spend more time together

now that you'll be... Perhaps we can.

But whatever happens, whatever becomes of us,

let's promise ourselves one thing.

What's that?

We'll be friends first.

Eleanor, we'll be friends first,

last, and always.

Goodbye, Merrill.

Like my new suit?

Lance, if you charged that to my account,

I'm gonna brain you.

Actually, I paid for it myself.

Oh. I wanted something special

for my big exit scene.

Am I gonna need a handkerchief?

Is it like Gone with the Wind?

Oh, no.

No, this is a scene I'm going to improvise on the spot.

A scene where I take you in my arms... Hm.

Tell you that I love you... Aw.

Ask you to marry me... Mm.

And then kiss you.

Lance, that was some showstopper.

You're a wonderful actor.

Who was acting?

Hm?

( laughs)

I can't let her go. Easy, Doc.

Not like this.

Betty?

I wasn't completely honest with you yesterday.

Oh, that's all right, Doc.

At least I know I've been honest.

I said that Lance was my fiancé,

and all of a sudden he is.

And as for you, stick to playing King Lear.

Uh, maybe not.

( laughs)

I wonder if we'll ever meet Doc's other wives aboard ship.

Oh, I wouldn't doubt it, sir.

They'll probably attack by submarine.

( upbeat theme playing)