Original subtitles

[VCR whirring]

[dramatic music]

- Beautiful, just like that.

The camera loves you, I love my job.

[phone ringing]

- Yes, honey I have to take this,

so I'll just talk to you later okay?

- Okay, love you Dad.

- I love you too, good luck with the shoot.

- Thank you.

- Go.

- [Photographer] I'm out of film, so take a break.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

[phone ringing]

- Hello Vicky.

No, I'm happy you called but I can't talk now,

I'm working on a Susan King shoot.

Maurice Horace.

- Just wanted to come visit the set

of my good ol' pal Bobby Bru-ner.

- You had your chance and you blew it.

- No, I think I'm gonna stick around here for a little bit.

Get a little comfortable with the models right?

- Come on.

- Hey, hey, get your hands off me.

You messed with the wrong guy Bobby.

- All right, back to work.

[upbeat music]

- Happy New Year Dallas.

- Happy New year to you too.

Hey, there's a party at the J tonight, I can squeeze you in.

- I don't think so.

- Hey come, we can pick up where we left off.

- Wrong, I just left.

Besides, aren't you spoken for?

- I'm a free agent.

Speaking of agents, plenty will be there.

- That's okay.

You scared the pants off of me.

- Well, that's one way to do it.

- That's the only way to do it, good night.

- Happy New Year.

What are you doing here?

[gun firing]

[dramatic music]

[horns honking]

- It was a hot night, but I had a cold shiver

running down my spine.

Charles Gunn, private detective.

I shine the light on the part of life

where the sun doesn't.

- Are you talking to yourself?

- [Charles] What, no.

- You're that private investigator.

- [Charles] Only when the rent's due.

- Hey asshole.

- You looked.

- You're the PI that took the pics of me with my guy friend.

- Well from the pics he's more than a friend.

- My fiance saw them.

- I know, I gave them to him.

- You've got a smart mouth on you, don't you?

- This the only part of me that is.

- You should really just have minded your own business.

- Taking pictures of cheaters is my business.

- He broke off the wedding and he took back my ring.

- Sorry.

[liquid splashing]

- You should write a book on how to make friends.

- It comes with the territory.

- Looks like you need someone to watch your back.

- [Charles] Who?

- Me.

- You watch too much TV.

- You need someone like me, I kick butt

and I love a good mystery.

- [Charles] Oh no, I work alone.

- I am a pretty girl, we're what makes the world go round.

- Thanks, but I'm good.

[upbeat music]

[men grunting]

[cement crashing]

[dramatic music]

[camera shutter clicking]

- I think someone's watching us.

[upbeat music]

- That pig, thanks again.

- [Charles] Is your lover cheating on you?

Call me, and I'll keep an eye on them.

- [Man] Get back here.

- Call 555-GUNN.

Kids, you don't even need your parents permission.

That number again is 555-GUNN.

Or stop by my office at the corner of Wilshire and Grand.

[dramatic music]

I guess this asshole wasn't bluffing about the rent.

- Are you Charles Gunn, the private detective?

- Yes, miss.

- Veronica Raine.

- What can you do me for?

I mean, how can I do you?

- My boyfriend's dead.

[dramatic music]

- Does, did he have any enemies?

- He was a bold person, I'm sure there were plenty

of people that wanted him dead.

- [Charles] You got any names?

- Just grab the phone book.

- Was he, intimate with anybody besides you?

- No.

- Do you orally want to find out who killed your boyfriend?

- I'm sorry, I thought you provided a service.

- If I find out who did it,

I mean it's not going to bring him back.

- That pink slip in your pocket says

you're going to stop asking me questions,

put down that glass, and find me some answers.

Or you'll be working the freeway exits.

- Okay.

Let's start from the beginning.

What's his name?

- Bobby Dallas, he was a photographer.

- You ruined my life.

[man grunting]

- Let me guess, you cheated on your girl.

- You had no right to take those photos.

- I was on the sidewalk.

- So again.

[man choking]

[dramatic music]

- Great strategy.

What do you do, just wait for them to punch themselves out?

- It usually works.

I'm working a case that involves photography

and beautiful women, you might come in handy.

You still want to tag along?

- I'm not sure any more.

- [Charles] What?

- I'm weighing my options.

- Options?

- Yeah if I team up with you I'm looking at

sore knuckles on a daily basis.

That means like arthritis when I become your age.

- Yeah, you know what, thanks anyway but ...

- Bobby Dallas, the photographer.

I eavesdropped, as if you've never done that.

So, how much does this pay?

- Nothing, this is a trial basis.

I need to see results.

- So you're telling me I would get into fights,

solve crimes, and talk to shady people for nothing?

Okay, okay, okay, dead bodies, hot girls,

what more could you ask for, I'm in.

[upbeat music]

[tires screeching]

- [Charles] Thanks for the tip.

- Still using a phone from the 80s I see.

- If it ain't broke.

- Come on, you got to upgrade,

it's like I'm from the future.

Transport me Robbie.

- [Charles] That's not even the phrase.

- It's close enough.

- That was a buddy at the police station,

the gun used is one commonly sold on the black market.

- That's exciting, our first clue.

Let's pull the trigger on this case.

[imitating gun firing]

[upbeat music]

- There's a guy in there named Felix,

he'll get you any kind of gun, no waiting period,

if you know what I mean.

Since you're in training,

I want you to just hold back and watch.

- Hmm, I was thinking maybe good cop, bad cop.

I'll be the bad cop.

- No, no, no, I'm the bad cop.

- You, no, you're a softy.

You're like a doorman in a sport's coat.

- Hey I been doing this for 35 years.

I've got seniority.

- I'll rock, paper, scissor you for it.

Ready, one, two, three, shoot.

Oh looks like I'm the bad cop.

- I'm regretting this already.

[brush scraping]

[man grunting]

[water splashing]

- Oh if it ain't Magnum PU.

- PU is right, crack a window next time sport.

- You mind tossing me one.

- A man was murdered professionally, black market gun.

- Man I ain't no snitch.

- You don't start talking,

you're going to be peeing walking across the street.

- I've been straight for five years.

Man you better put a leash on that bitch.

- Listen asshole, if you don't want this bitch

to make you my bitch, you better start talking.

- Okay, do you mind if I clean up first?

- Uh-uh, you don't tell us what we want to know,

you're getting a swirly.

- Oh shit.

So this guy.

- Does this guy have a name?

- You know my rep, no names, no questions.

All I know is this guy came to me a few weeks ago.

- And you hooked him up?

- I tell him noway, I went straight.

- But you told him where to go.

- You did, didn't you?

- I may have pointed in the direction, but this guy.

- Guy again, you sure that's not his name.

- This guy is a crazy looking dude.

- Crazy how?

- His eyes, and he's shifty.

- I've had enough of your shit.

[door rattling]

- No, wait, wait, I can give you a face.

Do you have a mugshot book?

[jazz music]

- The name's Jimmy Till.

Did five and a half for A and R.

- So either he's our shooter or linked with him.

So, what'd you think?

- [Charles] About what?

- My performance, pretty awesome right.

- It was certainly bad cop.

- Yeah, you wanted to get results.

- We got results, but next time

try to be a bit more tactful.

- Where will we find this Jimmy Till?

- He's got a kid with Tonya Peters,

she works The Pyramid.

- The gentleman's club?

Great.

[engine sputtering]

- Would you mind giving me a push?

- Okay.

So much for women's lib.

[engine sputtering]

[tires squealing]

[sultry jazz music]

- Afternoon Delight.

- Never danced to a girl before.

- Yeah well, I don't really play by the rules.

Kind of go with the flow.

You are really hot, ever do any modeling?

- Sometimes, if it pays well.

- I have a friend, Bobby Dallas,

I should hook you up with him.

- I know Bobby.

- Yeah I know, you were there the night he was murdered.

- He's dead?

- Yeah, someone shot him with a gun off the black market.

Tonya, I'm looking for Jimmy.

- Join the club.

- Well how long has it been since you've seen him?

- Couple weeks.

- Is he still dealing guns.

- I used to be in his circle, I have a kid now.

Jimmy tried, he tried to go straight,

but everywhere he went his past

would come back and haunt him.

So I found my line of work.

I tried to get a real job but stripper

on your job interview doesn't get you a lot interviews.

If I knew anything I'd tell you.

- Hey Gunn.

- Shh, I'm on a case.

- Like undercover stuff?

- Yeah, now go away.

- Who are you looking for, do I know him?

You want to pat me for some information?

- If I tell you, will you stop bothering me?

- That and 20 bucks.

- Jimmy Till.

- Oh wait, I know Jimmy.

Let me see, I see him at the service entrance.

- Hey Jimmy, I want to talk to you.

- Where's my 20?

[upbeat music]

[Charles groaning]

- You all right?

- I spotted Jimmy, I just have to catch my wind.

- Yeah, that looks like the only thing

you're going to catch.

- [Charles] Hey, I almost had him.

- Mm-hmm.

- [Charles] Anything from Tonya?

- Nada.

- Maybe I should go ask her.

- What do you do when a case hits a dead end?

- Hey the murder wasn't random.

- Could be a nother model.

- Or someone that hangs around models.

- I guess it's time I updated my portfolio.

[upbeat music]

- Okay, ciao.

- Hi, I'm looking for Vicky McCall.

- You found her, you Alex?

- Yeah.

- You might have it.

Well have you test with Dino.

- Somebody say my name?

- Dino, darling.

- Is this my next victim?

- I was just about to send her to makeup.

- Why must I always work with scrap iron?

- Because you're an artist darling.

[upbeat rock music] [camera shutter clicking]

[Dino blowing]

- Did I do something wrong?

- No, that's just Dino.

He's a real bear to work with, but what an eye.

- So, when do I get paid?

- No, not in money.

When you see the prints, the magic that Dino captured,

the jobs will just start to roll in.

- Oh.

- What is it, you can tell me,

we're like family around here.

- Well I got kicked out of my apartment

and I only have enough to cover the motel

for the rest of the week, after that.

- You have a fantastic look.

But even if the shoot brings you attention,

it's going to be a while before the money starts flowing in.

- So what do I do?

- Do you need some fast cash?

- Yeah.

- How do you feel about nudity?

Do you know what a group shoot is?

[upbeat music]

- A group shoot is when a bunch of guys get together

and take pictures of naked girls.

- Ooh jackpot.

- They wouldn't know the difference between

an L-stop or a G-string, but it pays a lot.

- It beats the other jobs Vicky offers.

- [Alex] Like what?

- Escorting.

Well I'm going to need to shower for like a week.

- Is this an elbow or a knee or a boob?

- If you don't know by now,

I'm not going to be able to help you.

Hang on, so I just bared myself

in front of dirty old men for information,

and you're taking pictures of big breasted women?

[Charles whistling]

Mm-hmm, so Vicky also runs an escort service.

- You said yes right?

- No.

- It's a lead, you've got to follow it.

- No, no, no, I did not sign up for that.

- It's all part of the job.

- It's all part of the job, I'm gonna remember that.

The things a girl's got to do to solve a murder.

[upbeat music]

- So glad you could make it Alex.

Our guest will be arriving soon.

Have yourself a drink over there with Sandy.

- Good evening.

I couldn't cover rent, so here I am.

We just have to provide company right?

- Yeah, company.

- Have you ever shot with Bobby Dallas?

- Yeah, he turned me on to this.

- Does he suggest other girls too?

- Some, Vicky's working with someone else now though.

- Why aren't they working together anymore?

- Bobby got a new girlfriend, some socialite.

- Who.

[upbeat music]

Dallas dumped Vicky for some rich chick.

- Got a name?

- No, what do we do now?

- Well, we can't just walk out of here.

Got it make it look like we were, you know.

- Don't get any fancy ideas pal.

- Everything okay in here.

- Just the person we wanted to see.

- What is this, a bust?

- Is that a trick question.

- Do you mind telling us about your relationship

with Bobby Dallas?

- What are you, PIs?

You must have some talking money on you.

- I've got two fives.

- Okay, okay, he was supplying girls for a commission.

But then he got that job with Susan King, things changed.

He thought he hit the big time and dropped me.

- So you blew him away?

- I work with Dino now.

The girls aren't as classy, but they get the job done.

- Looks like you could use a little touch

of class yourself.

- [Cop] Everybody freeze, this is a raid.

- Cops.

- It's just for shakedown money, they'll let us walk.

They'll just arrest the Johns.

- Oh, looks like only the women

are getting out of here tonight.

- What are you looking at me like that for?

- If they bust you, you're spending a night in county,

if you have bail, which you don't,

so you're looking at three days.

- Oh I can use the rest.

- You got any spare dresses?

- I think I have something in his size.

- It's all part of the job remember?

Time to embrace your feminine side.

[upbeat music]

- Hey, wait a minute.

- [Charles] Yes.

- Aren't you a little old to be doing this?

- [Charles] I'm young at heart.

You need a spanking.

- Only if you cuff me.

- Don't push it.

He, she's taken.

[jazz music]

- [Alex] You don't seem to broken up

over the death of your boyfriend.

- Boyfriend, Bobby and I were just having fun, that's all.

- Did you have anything to do with the murder?

- Kind of blunt aren't you?

I like that in a man, knows what he wants

and gets right to it.

- You didn't answer the question.

- No I didn't.

- Is that an answer to my question or a response to her?

- Were you and Dallas together at the time of the death?

- Relationship rarely last in the modeling world.

We were just having a good time.

- Good time, sounds like he broke up with you.

- Bobby was a charmer,

but he could also rub people the wrong way.

- But not you.

- People who met him either loved him or hated him or both.

- Any names you care to share?

- Not particularly.

- I get the feeling you're hiding something.

- Does it look like I'm hiding something?

[jazz music]

Good day.

- Well that was revealing.

Hello, no wonder you can't pay your rent.

[upbeat music]

- What about any jealous boyfriends.

- The models boyfriends I know, love having them around.

Parade 'em around town and stuff.

They put up with any indiscretion.

You know what, he did have someone jealous of him.

- What about that last account he took from you?

- Stole, you mean?

The King account.

- Susan King?

- Yeah, she had some fashion line coming out.

I was the head photographer

and Bobby meets her at some party,

they hit it off, become an item,

next thing you know, I'm out.

I'm not gonna shed a tear over that guy.

That doesn't mean I killed him.

- That guy was right.

Nobody's upset that he's dead.

what do we do now?

- Well you just keep chipping away.

[skin smacking]

[body thudding]

I was going to hit him.

- I beat you to the punch.

- [Charles] Beat me to the punch.

- Yeah, when you hit someone you get to say a one liner.

Why are you following us?

- I should be asking that question.

- The name Bobby Dallas sound familiar?

- No.

- Should, he was killed with a gun

and only someone like you could get.

- Man I didn't kill nobody.

I'm trying to get out of this racket

but sometimes I can't make the rent.

- I'm sure Tonya and your baby

would be real proud to hear that.

- I 'll tell you whatever you want to know,

just keep my wife and baby out of this.

- Give us a name.

- I never dealt with names.

- Hmm, you're gonna have to do better than that.

- All I had to do was get the gun, that's all I did.

- What kind of gun was it?

- I don't remember.

- Quit the shit.

- There was a lone tree at the Sedaris Memorial Park,

that's where I left it, I never met the person.

After I left, I heard gunshots.

The shooter must have tested it out.

The casing should be there.

- There's bullet holes in this tree.

- [Charles] Why don't we stick around,

maybe we can find a shell casing to go with it.

- Got one, maybe the killer loaded the gun

and their fingerprints are on this.

- [Charles] I know exactly who to take that to.

- Came up a little short last night.

- Sorry Daddy.

- Am I a nice guy?

- Yes Daddy.

- Do I look like a doormat?

- No.

- Then why are you treating me like one?

- Sorry Daddy, it was cold last night.

- Well if it ain't my main man Gunn.

[men laughing]

You is one fine sista.

- Your front teeth just got a ticket

to three blocks from here.

- Reginald drop the act, she's my partner.

- You're looking good my fine man.

- Alex, meet Reginald Williams III.

- At your service my lady.

- What is this?

- Theater my dear.

This act is to keep the good people away

and the seedy ones coming.

Then my ladies get them to volunteer information.

- Volunteer, you mean blackmail.

- No, no, no, you see, they find themselves

in a bad situation and one of my lady friends

offers to help them out to.

- And then you seel it.

- I share it, to my friends.

- [Charles] Me and Reginald.

- Reginald and I.

- Reginald and I are the best of buds.

- [Reginald] So what brings you here today?

- [Alex] Is that really what the latex gloves are for?

- It's possibly got a finger print on it.

We need to know who it belongs to.

- Hmm, you came to the right place my dear friend.

[upbeat music]

- [Alex] Jane?

- [Jane] Yes.

- I'm Alex, this is Chuck.

- Charles.

- We have a couple of questions for you about Bobby Dallas.

- Well I got a class coming up in a few minutes,

I got to get warmed up for.

- By all means, don't let us get in the way.

- You want answers, you got to keep up.

[upbeat music]

What you guys want to know?

- Why did you stop working with Dallas?

- The guy was professional on set but,

once the client left, total creep.

- How so?

- He was trying to get me to kiss the models.

You know just because I pose nude sometimes

doesn't mean I'm into that.

- [Charles] You pose nude?

- Yeah, if the money's right, and it's artistic.

- What happens after your shoots?

- Oh I've only heard rumors.

- Like what?

- Just don't leave the studio with him.

[game beeping]

- What happened?

- Shh, I'm about to beat my high score.

Yes, you passed out after aerobics.

Guess it was a little bit too intense for you.

Jane had to carry you out.

One armed by the way.

You should really take better care of yourself.

- I'll get right on that.

- While you were napping, I got Dallas' address.

- Cops would have been through there like a fine tooth comb.

- His mother's address.

You ask the questions, I will do the snooping.

By the way, Dallas isn't his real last name.

- What is it?

[intense knocking]

Mrs. McGuffin.

- Well hello.

- [Charles] I'm Charles Gunn, Private Detective.

- A private dick, please come in.

- [Charles] I don't think that's such a good idea.

- [Mrs. McGuffin] I'll fix you a drink.

Let me ask you a question, do you find me attractive?

- Where's your husband?

- [Mrs. McGuffin] Out.

- Out?

- Out, for a very long time.

[door creaking]

[chuckling] Is that a roll a quarters in your pocket,

or are you just happy to see me?

- They're quarters, it's a roll of quarters.

- Mr. E, I've got to see what's in this.

- How 'bout that drink?

- Have mine.

- You know I just had a workout, I'm kind of sweaty.

- I love the smell of a man.

- And I can't remember the last time I brushed my teeth.

- This will fix it.

[Charles slurping]

[jazz music]

- Mrs. McGuffin, I think you're trying to seduce me.

[Mrs. McGuffin laughing]

- "I don't try anything, I just do it,"

said the spider to the fly, et cetera, et cetera,

et cetera, et cetera.

- I think I hear the mailman.

- There's only one package I want delivered.

My phone number's on the back of my license plate.

- That looked like one of those, when animals attack videos.

- I hope you found something worth me getting mauled over.

- I sure did.

- What's in it?

- Video tapes, let's get some popcorn and start the show.

I guess that's why they call it the boob tube.

- Oh this is mine, sorry.

I like boobs, sue me.

- Yeah, I can tell.

Seems our photographer is also a videographer.

These don't have names on them just dates.

- I guess in case anybody found them.

- There's a month missing.

- Which month?

- December.

- Is that Stacy?

- What, that perv.

Can I get the tape back?

- Sorry, it's evidence.

- Sure.

- How many of those tapes have you made?

- What my partner means is,

how long have you been seeing Dallas?

- [Stacy] It was a one time deal.

He brought another guy in and I bolted.

- Another guy?

- I don't know who he was, he wore a mask.

- A mystery man.

[suspenseful music]

Looks like someone brought a knife to a gunfight.

You want to see his gun, come on keep up with me.

- Give me your money.

- Who are you, my ex-wife?

[Gunn groaning]

- I got to warn you, I went to Catholic school.

[skin thudding]

And this is the part where you fall down.

[heavy blowing]

The still undefeated reigning World Champion, Alex Bishop.

[imitating crowd cheering]

- Are you done?

- Not yet.

[imitating crowd cheering]

Thank you, thank you.

[triumphant music]

- I didn't know this is what you meant

by taking me to lunch.

- Charlie's chili dogs, they're the best around.

- So what do I owe the call sheet to Tommy Doyle,

always worked with Dallas.

- Okay, well let's see what he has to say after lunch.

- You don't really want me to eat this do you?

- Yep.

[Alex laughing]

[dramatic music]

Your landlady's worried about you.

- You got any friends?

I did, somebody took him away.

- Any idea who?

- It's no secret who did it.

It was that bitch Susan King.

That woman has to have everything on her terms.

- Any reason why?

- Veronica Raine.

- Well why should she care?

- They were sleeping together.

Veronica, Bobby, and Susan.

[sultry music]

- You didn't tell us that you were

seeing Susan King as well.

- That ended a while ago.

It was fun at first, but eventually Susan

wanted Dallas all to herself.

He didn't want anything serious.

- But was he serious with you?

- What are you getting at?

- Just playing devil's advocate.

- I came to you remember.

- I asked the question, not him.

- Am I a suspect now?

[cat meowing]

- Sorry kitty.

- What's with that chick?

Am I a suspect or something?

It's like I'm in a bad soap opera.

- You Gunn, I got a name to go with that fingerprint.

- Thanks.

There was a print on the shell casing.

It belong to a Artie Rollins.

- Sounds like you know him.

- He used to be my partner.

[intense knocking]

Anybody home?

- Nobody home, then we might as well

make ourselves at home.

What shit security.

So what happened?

- He got in with some dirty cops.

Help put confiscated drugs back on the street.

The cops got busted but they couldn't pin anything on Artie.

He's slick.

- One of his clients is Harold The King.

- Owner of the King retail empire.

- And father of Susan King.

- Man oh man, this looks like a B and E to me.

- Still dealing Artie?

- Is that anyway to treat an old friend?

That's just a rumor.

That whole police force was in on it,

French connection style.

All they needed was the Lee Harvey Oswald.

So, this is my replacement huh?

Definite upgrade, aesthetically that is.

- We found your fingerprints

on a bullet casing at Sedaris Park.

- You found my prints on a bullet casing.

- You mind telling us how your prints ended up

on that shell casing?

- I got a lot of guns, I go down there to blow off steam.

- The name Jimmy Till ring any bells?

- I get in for him sometimes.

- Seen any movies lately?

- Starring Bobby Dallas.

- Yeah, he used to like to video tape his liaisons.

Never did get any talent releases if you know what I mean.

- I bet that didn't sit well with her father.

- Well he wasn't too happy about it.

He sent me to get the tape, I got the tape.

But murder, that's a whole other thing.

This Dallas, he was a scumbag.

I don't know why you're even looking into this.

- So now what?

- Go talk to Susan King again.

Ask her what she really feels about those tapes.

And push her on her relationship with Bobby Dallas,

maybe shell give something up.

- And what are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna have a talk with Harold King.

- Oh yeah.

[mini explosions]

[laughs] Yeah.

[upbeat music]

[record scratching]

[elevator music]

- Okay, thank you.

Hi, my name is Ginger, how can I help you?

- [Charles] I'm here to see Harold King?

- Do you have an appointment?

- [Charles] No, but it's important.

- And you are?

- [Charles] Charles Gunn, Private Investigator.

- Mr. King is a very important man.

He's in a meeting and that can last for hours.

- [Charles] I can wait.

[loud smacking]

- Mr. King you have a visitor, a ...

- Charles Gunn.

- a Charles Gunn, he's a dick.

- If you don't want me to barbecue your ass

you better get this done.

We're going public in 30 days.

Now don't screw it up.

- Charles Gunn, I'm investigating Bobby Dallas' murder.

- Dallas, oh the photographer.

Yeah, I spoke with him a couple of times.

He used to work with my daughter on her fashion line.

- Did you know they had a personal relationship?

- Her relationships don't last very long.

- Were you aware of a sex tape with both of them?

- I guess it doesn't surprise me.

She goes out with guys like Bobby Dallas all the time,

and will continue to do so until she grows up.

- How do you know Artie Rollins?

- He worked security for my daughter.

- Do you know that it was rumored he was dealing drugs.

- Not at first, but when I found out, I released him.

- We have a link with Rollins in the murder

and we a link between you and him.

- Are you fond of the farm, 'cause there's a lot

of chickens in the henhouse.

But there's only one rooster.

And there's a lot of chickens in this city.

- And you're the rooster?

- That's right.

You don't want to be ruffling the feathers of this cock.

- I'm a dick, and you're a cock,

and if you get any closer,

we're going to be crossing swords.

- Nobody likes a smart ass.

- That explains why I don't have friends.

Well, that and my breath.

[Charles blowing heavily]

[Harold gasping]

Oh. - God.

- Whoa that's kicking.

- Get out of here.

- I wouldn't mind seeing that dick get hit by a bus.

- If that guy shows up here again, call security.

- With pleasure.

- Any word on investors for my daughters boutique?

- Two confirmed, they're high rollers though.

- Excellent, make sure they're well taken care of.

- Yes baby.

- Honey, not in the office.

- [Alex] Did you know about Dallas

secretly making sex tapes?

- I had my father take care of it as soon as I found out.

- What was your relationship with Veronica Raine?

- You talked to her, I bet she made it seem like

I was the possessive one and not her.

- Did you have an intimate relationship with her?

- Does that excite you?

- Can you please just answer the questions.

- Ooh bossy, I like it.

Yeah, Veronica was in on it for a bit

until she became too possessive over Dallas.

- What about Artie Rollin?

- I feel like I'm on a stand or something.

Care to swear me in, maybe frisk me?

- What if I told you your dad

had Rollins kill Dallas?

- Are you implying that I,

or my father had anything to do with this?

- Just thinking out loud.

- Next you speak my lawyer will be present.

[man moaning]

[dramatic music]

- What was that?

- Nothing.

- Is that chili in your mustache?

That was a chili dog.

- Was not.

- I told you they're the best.

- Harold King lied, he said he didn't know

anything about the tapes.

- Susan didn't seem that upset about it.

- Was she telling the truth?

- I don't know, that woman loves plying games.

I don't think she did it though,

she'd rather kiss you than kill you.

- We're looking at a real whodunit.

- Veronica Raine, what if she found out about the tapes?

- The door is wide open.

- That's usually not a good sign.

- So the killer strikes again.

She hired you right?

- Yep, well I guess we're both not getting paid.

[dramatic music]

- You have to come over here right now.

Veronica Raine is all over the news.

She's dead, and I think I'm next.

[dramatic music]

I feel like someone's been watching me.

- You can relax, we're here now.

- We'll stake out the place.

We'll see if anything happens.

- This is never going to work.

- Hey working undercover isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

- You're telling me, I got naked earlier,

but this could get me killed.

- Hey I'll be here.

- Oh, so the guy who gets his ass kicked all the time

is going to protect me.

Where'd you get this stuff anyway?

- Old case.

- You got it out of your trunk.

- Shh, I think I hear something.

[suspenseful music]

[man groaning]

What the hell are you doing? [man yelling]

- I like to watch.

- That's my old landlord.

- Oh it's you, I never forget a nice pair of ...

[man groaning]

Can you do that again, this time with high heels.

I'll pay you, hmm?

- I don't think this is our killer.

- No, let's just call it a night.

- [Landlord] Hmm?

[dramatic music]

- Harold] Had any visitors lately?

- Um, a couple of PIs, Gunn,

some crazy girl thinks he's a detective.

- [Harold] What'd you tell 'em?

- I told 'em 'bout the tape and that I got it from Dallas.

- [Harold] What'd you tell 'em about the tape for?

- I could tell they already knew, you did right?

- [Harold] No.

- Oh PIs always think they're smarter than they are.

Don't give 'em a reason to be right.

- [Harold] It's enough to confirm their suspicions though.

- They can suspect all they want,

but without proof.

- You know, when I was a kid my dad told me,

I can be either the best or the oldest.

Well I plan on living a long time a free man.

Not like some dog waiting to be put to sleep.

- Man oh man, you need to relax.

They're just a couple of clowns

with too much free time.

I'm in this just as much as you are.

- And I'm glad to hear you say that.

- If anybody finds out about this,

we'll both be wearing orange the rest of our days.

- Then maybe you should make doubly sure that we don't.

[dramatic music]

- [Lady] Oh Booby, oh Bobby, oh Bobby.

[dramatic music]

[body thudding]

[tires squealing]

[water running]

- [Charles] Alex, open up.

- Evening stranger.

- [Charles] Are you alone?

- Yeah.

- [Charles] Are you sure?

- What's wrong?

- Somebody attacked me.

- More disgruntled exes.

- [Charles] No, and whoever it was took the tapes.

[Charles snoring]

- Good morning chainsaw.

- Chainsaw?

- Yeah, I thought you were

cutting down trees out here last night.

- I spotted somebody on one of the tapes.

- The suspense is killing me.

- Our masked man.

[dramatic music]

- I can remember when you took your very first step,

your first word, your first day of school.

And now my little girl's about to launch her own business.

- Dad don't get all mushy on me.

- Your mother would be so proud.

- I love you Dad.

- I love you too honey.

- [Alex] I'm looking through the call sheets again,

Doyle's on every one of them.

- [Charles] He's got to know more than he told us.

The door's not locked.

- [Alex] Open doors, dead bodies.

Seems to be a pattern.

- [Charles] Kind of gloomy in here.

- I wonder if he's dead too.

The missing tape.

- Have detectives talked to you lately?

- Why?

- Because they talked to me twice.

They claim that you had something to do with Bobby's murder.

- Oh those wanna be Sherlock Holmes?

Don't worry about that.

- And you just got rid of the tape, nothing more?

- Of course, honey, you're all I got

and I'll do nothing to jeopardize that.

- Well I guess we can figure out who killed Veronica.

- I think I know who's next.

[upbeat dramatic music]

- [Charles] King!

- Dad they're going to ruin my big day.

- Don't worry about this sweetie, I'll handle this.

I'm gonna have my attorney sue the hell out of both of you.

[dramatic music]

- Doyle killed Veronica Raine last night.

- Susan might be next.

- Oh you two are a couple of dumbos.

- Susan King, you shouldn't have killed Bobby Dallas.

- What?

[gun firing]

- [Harold] No!

[Susan groaning]

- Daddy.

- Your daughter's in critical condition,

she in surgery right now.

- What are her chances?

- I suggest a lot of prayer.

- Find Doyle.

[sirens wailing]

- Hey Doyle, you're coming with me.

Let's talk, you ain't planning on killing him are you?

- I haven't thought that far ahead.

- Roughing somebody up and killing 'em,

that's a big difference in price.

- You'll be well compensated.

- It ain't just about the money.

I got to plan this out so we don't get caught.

And you got to control your emotions.

- My daughter is in critical condition!

- All right look, anything goes down,

you give the word, but leave it to me.

You've got motive, and you lack an alibi, I don't.

- Fine.

- May I suggest now that you've seen him, you give yourself

about 10 minutes to cool down your boiling blood.

Everything we do now has to be planned out and emotionless.

It's going to be the difference between us

getting away with this and spending the rest

of our lives in an eight by five cell.

[phone ringing]

- I gotta take this.

Yes.

[dramatic music]

[gun firing]

[dramatic music]

[solemn music]

- So Doyle murdered Susan and Veronica,

but who killed Dallas?

- I have no idea.

- So we're back to square one.

- You suggesting we drop the case and just go home?

- No, but Dallas videotaped himself having sex

with women without them knowing.

Not exactly someone you think

is strolling through the pearly gates.

- Maybe, but it's not about him.

It's about stopping the people who killed him

so they don't do it again.

Besides, once you start something

you just got to finish it.

- Oh I've heard that before.

[Charles coughing]

- I want those PIs also.

- And you're pushing it a little bit here.

- Oh I'll make your retirement definitely worth while.

- What about her?

- I want that dick's head.

- So why did you become a PI?

- I wanted to solve crime and help people,

so I joined the police force.

That didn't last long, I got a real problem taking orders.

- I never would have guessed.

- So why did you really want to tag along?

- Well I guess this is the point

where I give you my sob story about how someone

killed my father but we never found the murderer.

Someone killed my boyfriend and we never found the murderer.

Or someone ran over my dog and we never found the killer.

But in reality, I guess I was just bored.

- The tape.

- The one we found at Doyle's?

- Let's see what's on it.

- No, that man has terrible angles.

It's all man ass.

- I'll do play by play.

- Great, 'cause I've always wanted somebody

describing a porno to me.

No, no.

[Charles laughing]

- Our masked man and Dallas.

- Looks like Dallas plays for both teams.

Is that who I think it is?

- It's Harold King.

- That sure is some hard evidence.

- And his company's going public soon.

- So he got his daughter's tape back,

but he didn't know about this one.

- Well it's one thing if his daughter's tape is released,

but it's another if his was.

- Enough to kill Dallas?

- He wouldn't, but he'd have Rollins do it.

- I reckon I underestimated you two dummies.

Mr. King would like to talk to you.

[dramatic music]

- Well honey I won't be home tonight.

I got tied up at work.

- I've let some stuff slide, but no more puns.

- Really, that's where you draw the line?

- Yes, now reach into my pocket.

- Well that's where I draw the line.

- No, my jacket pocket.

I have a lighter in there, we can burn through the rope.

- Got it.

We could celebrate if we make it through tonight.

- My daughter is dead, and I hold you two responsible.

- Doyle would have done what he did

whether we investigated or not.

He blamed Susan and Veronica for Dallas' murder.

You should blame whoever killed him.

- I run charities, provide healthcare for my employees,

and play golf with politicians.

This Dallas, was a scumbag

who made sex tapes without permission.

And I'm the bad guy?

- You should have gone to the police.

- Hmm, and let them leak it?

Believe it or not, some people in this town don't like me.

- You don't say.

- What are you going to do to us?

- No one's talking to you little lady.

- Well then until me so I can go back

to my place in the kitchen.

- So what are you going to do with us?

- Right now, you both know too much,

but you don't have any proof.

- [Alex] He killed Doyle.

- Seems so, and I bet that's his smoking gun right there.

- Did you just say a pun?

- What?

- You just said smoking gun.

- No, I was referencing a gun, not me.

- No, no, I'm calling foul tip on that one.

That's gimmick infringement, puns are my thing.

[dramatic music]

[plastic crashing]

- You've been a real pain in my ass dick.

- I'm sorry who are you?

- This is Ginger, King's assistant.

- I'm his girlfriend.

- More like mistress.

- And who are you, bitch?

- I'm Alex, he's my sidekick.

- No, you are my sidekick.

- Shut up!

There's only room enough for one Ginger in this town bitch.

- FYI, I'm the only one around here who makes puns.

[dramatic music]

- I want them dead.

- All right, but I'm gonna take them out back.

It's gonna be a lot easier to clean up.

- Sounds good.

[Rollins groaning]

Shit, come on honey.

- Any ideas?

- I pay the rent taking pictures of cheating spouses,

this is out of my wheelhouse.

- Okay, well there's three of them and two of us,

I say we split up, better our odds.

- I was looking for a dick but you'll do.

- I don't even know how to take that.

[skin smacking]

- There can only be one Ginger, bitch.

- Yeah, but you're only Ginger by name.

[Alex groaning]

- Uh, time out.

- What, you can't take this?

- Looks like we took a trip down mammary lane.

You made a real boob of yourself.

Thanks for the mammaries.

I could go on all day.

- Sick of your puns, time in bitch.

[Alex groaning]

- Ooh you bitch.

- You're right, I am a bitch.

- But you're not a ginger.

[dramatic music]

- Gotcha, you want to be my replacement,

you're gonna have to earn it.

- Really, with a gun?

We can't just do this one on one?

- All right, you want to have some fun huh?

Let's have some fun.

Oh. [laughs]

Not bad, not bad at all.

[Rollins groaning]

[Rollins laughing]

How'd that feel?

Did that hurt?

[skin smacking]

Good, I like hurting women.

Alex Bishop, you don't have a clue do you?

- You want a clue.

[body thudding]

Alex Bishop, in the abandoned warehouse

with a lead pipe.

[metal clanking]

[dramatic music]

[men groaning]

- Why'd you kill Dallas?

- Well since you're going to be dead soon, why not tell you.

Age old story, he was blackmailing me.

Said he'd sell the tape to the tabloids

if I didn't pay him off.

With my company going public, I couldn't take that risk.

- Sounds like that Dallas was a scumbag.

- Oh he was indeed, and you're gonna die for him moron.

- Looks like you jumped the gun,

he's really gunning for you.

- No more puns, a little help here.

- One more pun.

- No.

- Yay.

- Oh okay, you can have one.

- That's all I need.

King, Alex Bishop, we haven't been formally introduced,

nice to meet ya, you play chess?

- Huh?

- Bishop takes King.

[skin smacking]

[body thudding]

Checkmate, how is that?

- Not bad.

[dramatic music]

Hey look, I'm a real detective now.

- Way to be inconspicuous Sherlock.

- Well I guess that makes you my Watson.

- No, no, no, I'm Sherlock.

- You already called me Sherlock, Watson.

- I can't continue with this if--

- You're keeping me?

- Well you did come in handy.

- Handy, I solved the whole thing and kicked ass,

which reminds me,

I've been practicing my judo chops.

Case load, bad guys, in jail.

We didn't get pain, what are you gonna do about rent?

- Yeah well why you had King confused,

his wallet just happened to fall out of his pocket.

- Now that we're partners, we need a name.

- Partners, don't get ahead of yourself.

You've heard the phrase, back by popular demand?

- [Alex] Yes.

- Well when we hear that we can come up with a name.

- We can brainstorm over Charlie's chili dogs.

I see it in your eyes, you love it.

[engine sputtering]

- You mind giving me a push?

- Uh-uh, I pushed last time.

- It's my car.

- I checked the registration, it's under your mom's name.

Fine, I will push as long as I get to meet your mom.

- On second thought.

- Too late.

Behind every great man, or not so great man.

[engine sputtering]

[tires squealing]

[upbeat music]

[VCR whirring]