All language subtitles for Heavy Trip (2018)_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American) Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:25,251 --> 00:00:30,751 Homo! Are you a guy or a chick? 2 00:00:32,209 --> 00:00:34,292 Go to the hairdresser! 3 00:00:36,334 --> 00:00:38,001 Do you know that feeling? 4 00:00:38,084 --> 00:00:41,042 When are you unable to find something to answer? 5 00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:47,417 - Fucking homo. - Yeah! 6 00:00:47,876 --> 00:00:49,834 It happens to me very often... 7 00:00:55,209 --> 00:00:58,584 "Cock heads." That's what I should have said. 8 00:00:58,609 --> 00:01:02,609 HEAVY TRIP 9 00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:29,001 LOTVONEN SLAUGHTERHOUSE 10 00:01:36,417 --> 00:01:39,001 I am a metalhead. And we have a group. 11 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,876 That's Lotvonen. 12 00:02:03,042 --> 00:02:05,334 He's insanely fast. As a guitar player. 13 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,292 His parents own this reindeer slaughterhouse. 14 00:02:08,417 --> 00:02:10,209 He also works here. 15 00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:18,209 Pasi is the smartest guy I know. 16 00:02:19,459 --> 00:02:23,084 He might not be totally normal; he remembers everything. 17 00:02:23,334 --> 00:02:27,001 - Like every song he has heard. - Hi. 18 00:02:27,251 --> 00:02:30,292 - Pasi works in the library. - Do you have Justin Bieber? 19 00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:34,542 We have the largest collection of Scandinavian metal in town. 20 00:02:34,667 --> 00:02:37,001 Excellent choice. 21 00:02:38,501 --> 00:02:40,626 Uruguayan grindcore metal. 22 00:02:51,251 --> 00:02:53,542 Listen to that blast beat. 23 00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:57,251 That's one hell of a beat. 24 00:02:57,542 --> 00:02:59,834 Jynkky is the toughest guy in our band. 25 00:03:00,042 --> 00:03:01,876 He's afraid of nothing. 26 00:03:09,792 --> 00:03:12,001 What? Did he die again? 27 00:03:15,501 --> 00:03:20,251 The dilated pupils are a sign that the brain does not get enough oxygen. 28 00:03:20,376 --> 00:03:22,501 Jynkky! 29 00:03:25,417 --> 00:03:30,626 - Alright? - Yeah. Let's continue. 30 00:03:36,001 --> 00:03:38,376 Jynkky dives into things headfirst. 31 00:03:38,584 --> 00:03:41,167 That's why he's been declared dead twice. 32 00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:46,167 He's so eager to gig abroad. 33 00:03:46,417 --> 00:03:49,126 I'm not so sure about performing. 34 00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:01,876 We've known each other since we were kids. 35 00:04:02,001 --> 00:04:05,001 I guess we were all some kind of outcasts. 36 00:04:05,376 --> 00:04:07,292 This music is our thing. 37 00:04:07,542 --> 00:04:11,167 Other guys can play hockey and drive around chasing pussy. 38 00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,251 We play metal. 39 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:35,084 - Dinner's ready. You coming to eat? - Hell yeah. 40 00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:39,084 We're done rehearsing. 41 00:04:42,251 --> 00:04:45,001 Why do we always have reindeer? 42 00:04:45,917 --> 00:04:48,167 I'll eat yours. 43 00:04:49,751 --> 00:04:54,251 Your playing makes the reindeer suicidal. 44 00:04:54,376 --> 00:04:57,917 - I'll soon be unemployed with your bullshit. - Not funny. 45 00:04:59,251 --> 00:05:03,584 Boys, the meaning of life, is like a clitoris. 46 00:05:03,709 --> 00:05:06,334 You blindly stumble around it, but you will never be sure 47 00:05:06,459 --> 00:05:09,417 - you've found it. - You haven't. 48 00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:13,084 - I've tried! - Quiet! Not in front of the boys. 49 00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:17,417 - It was a good practice! - That's right. 50 00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:20,834 - We're getting there. - The sound was perfect. 51 00:05:22,459 --> 00:05:25,376 It would be awesome to play this cover from Joe Dassin in a real gig. 52 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:29,542 If we played that, people would be floored. 53 00:05:29,834 --> 00:05:33,709 There is a club in Oulu where they welcome new bands. 54 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,751 - Seriously? - Yeah. What do you say? 55 00:05:36,917 --> 00:05:39,417 I mean, we've been practicing 12 years. 56 00:05:39,542 --> 00:05:42,001 That would be damn cool. 57 00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:47,751 No gigs before we've written our own songs. 58 00:05:49,834 --> 00:05:55,001 - We're not playing covers. - Yeah, we have to write our own songs. 59 00:05:55,792 --> 00:05:59,876 I wonder what it would be like to be onstage playing. 60 00:06:12,251 --> 00:06:15,334 - Morning! - Morning! 61 00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:52,917 I'm happy you provide the residents with entertainment. 62 00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:56,667 Kolehmainen, in Room 9 shit his pants again. 63 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,626 - Again? - Again. 64 00:06:59,376 --> 00:07:02,417 Hurry up before I throw my panties at you. 65 00:07:09,376 --> 00:07:12,842 Better to shit yourself than to be constipated forever. 66 00:07:12,843 --> 00:07:13,542 Certainly 67 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,042 It's his birthday today, 68 00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:18,876 so please go get some flowers when you have time. 69 00:07:23,542 --> 00:07:27,167 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 70 00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:29,792 - Hi, Turo. - Good morning. 71 00:07:31,042 --> 00:07:34,876 - You came to buy flowers? - Yeah. 72 00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,834 Come on in. 73 00:07:41,167 --> 00:07:43,792 I need some kind of a bouquet. 74 00:07:44,084 --> 00:07:47,001 One of our residents has a birthday today. 75 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:52,001 - What do you think of some roses and a gerbera? - Sounds good. 76 00:07:52,126 --> 00:07:56,292 - How about a blue one like this? That would be unique. - Sure. 77 00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:58,459 Here we go. 78 00:07:59,584 --> 00:08:02,834 - How's the band? - We're doing okay. 79 00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:09,167 - Any gigs coming up? - We haven't got any yet. 80 00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:13,417 I remember you always dreaming about being in a band back in school. 81 00:08:14,001 --> 00:08:17,334 And you always performed in school plays. 82 00:08:17,626 --> 00:08:23,626 - I played a rock because I was so shy. - That's rock 'n' roll! 83 00:08:29,751 --> 00:08:31,501 Miia! 84 00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:35,084 - Miia, Miia, you... - Oh, hi, Jouni. 85 00:08:35,501 --> 00:08:42,667 - You look like an angel today. - Jouni Tulkku himself. 86 00:08:42,876 --> 00:08:45,417 What brings the star to our shop? 87 00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:48,626 You know why I'm here. Do you wanna to go for a drive? 88 00:08:48,792 --> 00:08:53,084 I'm going to Kuusamo, we could have dinner there. 89 00:08:53,251 --> 00:08:57,167 That would be nice, but I'm busy here. 90 00:08:58,126 --> 00:08:59,792 - Here you are, Turo. - Thanks. 91 00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:04,251 Let me tie these... Voila, that'll be 20 euros. 92 00:09:04,417 --> 00:09:07,334 Oh, Turo. I didn't notice you. 93 00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:13,334 - Miia captures all my attention. - Right. 94 00:09:14,626 --> 00:09:17,834 Jouni, you remember Turo also has a band? 95 00:09:18,042 --> 00:09:19,751 Oh. Really? 96 00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:24,834 That's nice. I mean, it's nice to meet a fellow musician. 97 00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:28,542 If I can do anything to help you in the music business, 98 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:31,542 just ask. No questions asked. 99 00:09:33,209 --> 00:09:35,917 - Really? - Anytime. 100 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:39,417 I gotta go. See you later. 101 00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:42,917 - Stay wonderful! - Right. 102 00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,417 Bye! 103 00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:51,417 - I gotta go too. - Okay. 104 00:09:56,167 --> 00:09:58,834 Come back soon! 105 00:10:06,542 --> 00:10:09,001 We have a heavy metal band. 106 00:10:13,334 --> 00:10:15,426 We've been looking for a condenser mic... 107 00:10:15,427 --> 00:10:17,126 Listen. 108 00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:22,126 I don't give a pussy hair about your metalhead faggot band. 109 00:10:22,542 --> 00:10:26,626 You can stick the condenser mic up your ass for all I care. 110 00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:32,126 One more thing. 111 00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:35,334 In the future, buy your flowers elsewhere. 112 00:10:35,459 --> 00:10:38,209 I've been warming that chick's muffin for a long time, 113 00:10:38,334 --> 00:10:40,084 and you ain't gonna ruin it. 114 00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:44,042 Some might say I work too hard to get laid, but I say, 115 00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:46,334 "The chase is better than the catch." 116 00:10:46,459 --> 00:10:49,584 You know? No, you don't know a fucking thing. 117 00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:54,667 Go get a haircut. I'll go get laid. 118 00:10:54,792 --> 00:10:58,792 With my dick. And a pussy. A woman's pussy. 119 00:11:15,459 --> 00:11:17,417 Homo! 120 00:11:40,876 --> 00:11:44,417 Moilanen, are you smuggling drugs? 121 00:11:44,542 --> 00:11:46,792 Jouni said you went to the flower shop 122 00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:50,542 - to woo my daughter. - I bought flowers for one of our residents. 123 00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:54,167 - What? - I bought flowers for one of our residents. 124 00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:57,167 I didn't let her move to the city 125 00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,626 because I didn't want her to end up 126 00:11:59,751 --> 00:12:02,001 with a glue sniffer like you. 127 00:12:02,126 --> 00:12:05,459 She needs a real man. I already know the perfect son-in-law. 128 00:12:05,584 --> 00:12:07,792 - Jouni Tulkku? - He's a good man. 129 00:12:08,626 --> 00:12:12,209 - He's a player. - What? Say that again. 130 00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:16,834 I said, it's a little late. I have to go and rehearse with my group. 131 00:12:17,376 --> 00:12:19,001 Dirty hippie. 132 00:12:19,126 --> 00:12:21,917 Make sure the flowers end up in a vase 133 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,417 and not in a pipe in one of your drug dens. 134 00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:27,751 Or I'll lock all of you up. 135 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:34,376 - Did you call Jouni a player? - No, I would never have dared. 136 00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,834 Well, now we're gonna write a song. 137 00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,042 Okay, let's do it. 138 00:12:51,417 --> 00:12:54,167 What the hell. That's what we'll do. 139 00:13:00,584 --> 00:13:03,834 How does the song start? 140 00:13:05,501 --> 00:13:08,084 Lotvonen, do you have a riff? 141 00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:12,542 I have some ideas. 142 00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:19,667 "Walk". Pantera. 1992. 143 00:13:23,001 --> 00:13:25,084 And that, what do you say? 144 00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:33,084 Children of Bodom. "Every Time I Die." 2000. Laiho. 145 00:13:40,292 --> 00:13:46,334 Mors Subita: "The Sermon." Finnish melodic death metal. 146 00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:57,751 "Crucified" Necrobutcher of Infernal Legions. 1989. 147 00:14:09,376 --> 00:14:14,334 Turo, why don't you write lyrics first? 148 00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:18,501 What should I write about? 149 00:14:19,084 --> 00:14:23,459 Heavy metal lyrics are usually based on mythology, 150 00:14:23,584 --> 00:14:28,084 occultism, satanism, or fantasy books from my balls. 151 00:14:28,209 --> 00:14:33,334 You can also write about your personal misfortunes. 152 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,126 - Those I've got plenty of. - That's true. 153 00:14:39,126 --> 00:14:40,792 He's right. 154 00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:06,126 What the hell... 155 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,584 What the hell. 156 00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:31,376 Darn! 157 00:15:49,709 --> 00:15:51,584 That's it... 158 00:15:53,042 --> 00:15:55,167 That's it! 159 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,709 Jynkky, this is it! 160 00:16:07,751 --> 00:16:11,626 Are you stupid or what? It's our sound! 161 00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:17,542 This is a pure blast beat! 162 00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:21,459 The souls of hundreds of reindeer screaming in pain 163 00:16:21,584 --> 00:16:24,209 on their way to reindeer hell. 164 00:16:26,292 --> 00:16:30,501 When we trun this into a song, grannies will moisten their panties. 165 00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:36,084 I was thinking it would go like this. 166 00:16:49,584 --> 00:16:51,584 I've never heard anything like it. 167 00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:57,667 It has a bit of Forced Vomit's "Vominatorium Excalibur," 168 00:16:58,209 --> 00:17:00,334 but the sound is unique. 169 00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:06,126 I'll start with the riff. Jynkky and Pasi join in. 170 00:17:06,251 --> 00:17:08,399 Pasi, should we start on the same beat? 171 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:09,751 Sure. Sure. 172 00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:13,751 - Then my solo. - No solo. 173 00:17:14,751 --> 00:17:17,251 Then we'll all headbang in sync. 174 00:17:17,376 --> 00:17:19,001 One, two, one, two... 175 00:17:19,126 --> 00:17:22,751 - Okay, let's go. - Yeah. 176 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:29,251 This is "Flooding Secretions," meaning "shit on your thighs." 177 00:19:08,376 --> 00:19:13,042 Fuck a whore! We've never played so brutally! 178 00:19:13,376 --> 00:19:15,751 And that was our song. 179 00:19:15,876 --> 00:19:19,001 There's a strong message in your words, Turo. 180 00:19:19,126 --> 00:19:21,417 Yeah, a lot of words! 181 00:19:21,542 --> 00:19:25,209 Look at this. Our first demo. 182 00:19:25,792 --> 00:19:27,876 Now we have to make tons of copies 183 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:32,792 and send them to all the labels and all the studios. 184 00:19:33,501 --> 00:19:36,292 - Turo, I'll put your number on it. - Mine? 185 00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:41,834 You're the front man, so you can take care of publicity. 186 00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,292 Son, I need you. 187 00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:52,209 There's a guy parked in the driveway. A stranger. 188 00:19:57,584 --> 00:20:01,709 What if he's an EU inspector? I've taken a few liberties 189 00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:05,584 - interpretating the directives. - Let's go ask. 190 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,000 Frank. 191 00:20:12,001 --> 00:20:13,001 Lotvonen. 192 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,300 Sorry? 193 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,500 Lotvonen. 194 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,000 - That's your name? - Yes. 195 00:20:19,459 --> 00:20:22,917 - Who is he? - I guess he's an EU inspector. 196 00:20:24,126 --> 00:20:25,600 Doesn't look like one. 197 00:20:25,700 --> 00:20:27,600 Are you inspector from EU? 198 00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:30,500 - European Union? - Yes. 199 00:20:31,501 --> 00:20:33,916 No. I'm from Norway. I'm here to buy some reindeer blood. 200 00:20:33,917 --> 00:20:35,709 Does he have money? 201 00:20:35,710 --> 00:20:37,665 Can you pay cash? 202 00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:42,917 We sure as hell have blood. This ain't no flower shop. 203 00:20:42,918 --> 00:20:43,918 Yes. 204 00:20:45,919 --> 00:20:47,215 Nice! 205 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:55,000 Directives... very good. 206 00:20:57,001 --> 00:20:58,600 A reindeer saw. 207 00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:05,042 Tell him this is super sharp. 208 00:21:07,043 --> 00:21:09,339 Very sharp. 209 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,000 That's brutal! 210 00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:18,297 You boys look like a weird heavy metal band. 211 00:21:18,298 --> 00:21:19,750 Yes. We are a band! 212 00:21:19,751 --> 00:21:20,751 Really? 213 00:21:20,752 --> 00:21:22,000 So what's ya playin'? 214 00:21:22,001 --> 00:21:28,001 Symphonic-post-apocalyptic-reindeer-grinding- -Christ-abusing-extreme-war-pagan-Fennoscandic metal. 215 00:21:28,002 --> 00:21:30,002 Right... 216 00:21:31,003 --> 00:21:33,003 Really interesting. 217 00:21:44,584 --> 00:21:46,209 Uh oh. 218 00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:04,667 Good God! Shit! 219 00:22:04,668 --> 00:22:05,668 Bloody fucking business! 220 00:22:09,084 --> 00:22:11,001 Goddammit! 221 00:22:11,334 --> 00:22:13,584 I'm sure I'm gonna lose my permit now. 222 00:22:17,834 --> 00:22:20,834 Isn't that the logo of the metal festival in Norway? 223 00:22:21,001 --> 00:22:23,917 - The biggest one in the Cap of the North.. - Who was that guy? 224 00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:28,209 "Frank Massegrav, festival promoter." 225 00:22:29,126 --> 00:22:32,084 Jynkky! What are you doing? 226 00:22:45,209 --> 00:22:48,501 What are you doing? 227 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,500 What the fuck are you doing here? 228 00:22:51,502 --> 00:22:52,900 Our demo cassette. 229 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,500 Oh, fuck me! 230 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,900 Please. Listen to our tape. 231 00:22:58,901 --> 00:23:01,250 We play really good. 232 00:23:12,251 --> 00:23:13,800 You'd better be good. 233 00:23:22,417 --> 00:23:26,001 - What did you say to him? - I gave him our demo. 234 00:23:27,417 --> 00:23:31,167 - Guys, we're gonna play at a festival! - What? 235 00:23:31,917 --> 00:23:33,876 Guys, you know what? 236 00:23:34,042 --> 00:23:37,751 I have a feeling this could be something. 237 00:23:42,834 --> 00:23:44,626 A gig in Norway. 238 00:24:03,751 --> 00:24:06,376 Oh hi, Turo. 239 00:24:07,667 --> 00:24:10,042 What's up? 240 00:24:10,292 --> 00:24:12,751 We might have a gig coming up. 241 00:24:14,417 --> 00:24:17,042 - At a festival, in Norway. - What? 242 00:24:17,167 --> 00:24:20,792 - That's huge! - I don't know about it... 243 00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:23,251 No, really, congratulations! 244 00:24:26,584 --> 00:24:31,001 Miia, dazzling as always. Turo, looking like you always do. 245 00:24:31,084 --> 00:24:34,292 Guess what? Turo and his band have a gig in Norway. 246 00:24:34,417 --> 00:24:36,834 - It's not that big a deal. - It is. 247 00:24:37,001 --> 00:24:42,084 That's awesome. Are you going to play in front of people? 248 00:24:42,251 --> 00:24:45,167 The gig is at a festival. 249 00:24:46,376 --> 00:24:49,917 I'm so happy for you. Fuck. 250 00:24:50,584 --> 00:24:52,251 Why don't we get going. 251 00:24:52,376 --> 00:24:55,084 Turo must be busy with the upcoming gig. 252 00:24:55,209 --> 00:24:57,126 Hop in. 253 00:24:57,292 --> 00:25:00,542 Turo, that was great news. 254 00:25:00,667 --> 00:25:03,001 - Hop in! - Rock Rock. 255 00:25:03,084 --> 00:25:04,917 - Rock... - Awesome news! 256 00:25:05,042 --> 00:25:07,001 Awesome, indeed. 257 00:25:34,209 --> 00:25:36,334 Turo, hi! 258 00:25:41,751 --> 00:25:44,042 You want a beer? 259 00:25:49,667 --> 00:25:52,751 A gig in Norway. No frigging way! That's cool. 260 00:25:53,042 --> 00:25:56,501 The farthest Jouni's band has been is Kiiminki. 261 00:26:03,542 --> 00:26:07,751 I have to say you rock. 262 00:26:10,084 --> 00:26:12,459 Hats off to you. 263 00:26:16,334 --> 00:26:18,376 Thanks. 264 00:26:27,251 --> 00:26:29,751 We have a new resident in the closed ward. 265 00:26:29,876 --> 00:26:32,626 A really dangerous one. Don't go into his room. 266 00:26:32,751 --> 00:26:35,126 Give him his sheets through the hatch. 267 00:26:35,417 --> 00:26:37,751 - Got it? - Got it. 268 00:26:38,834 --> 00:26:40,584 Or do you want me to do it 269 00:26:40,709 --> 00:26:44,459 - now that you got the gig coming up? - I'll take care of it. 270 00:26:44,584 --> 00:26:46,209 Sure thing. 271 00:27:19,501 --> 00:27:22,001 Why so scared? 272 00:27:23,876 --> 00:27:27,167 - Huh? - I've never seen a... 273 00:27:28,334 --> 00:27:31,001 - A Lapplander? - Yeah. 274 00:27:42,001 --> 00:27:45,126 I've got linens. Clean ones. 275 00:27:45,792 --> 00:27:50,334 - If I come in, will you take it easy? - Sure. 276 00:28:09,126 --> 00:28:11,501 - I'm Turo. - Oula. 277 00:28:26,751 --> 00:28:30,126 Oula! Calm down, goddammit! 278 00:28:51,334 --> 00:28:54,084 - What's that music? - Metal. 279 00:28:54,251 --> 00:28:56,001 - What? - Metal. 280 00:28:56,084 --> 00:28:58,792 Metal? Well well. 281 00:28:59,626 --> 00:29:04,292 Remember not to shake hands with him or move abruptly. 282 00:29:05,001 --> 00:29:08,167 It triggers aggression in him. 283 00:29:08,376 --> 00:29:10,459 He was in reform school in Pello, 284 00:29:10,584 --> 00:29:14,917 - but they couldn't handle him there. - Yeah, he didn't sound local. 285 00:29:15,042 --> 00:29:16,667 Right. 286 00:29:20,626 --> 00:29:26,251 Imagine, the Northern Damnation Festival in Norway. 287 00:29:26,376 --> 00:29:28,917 We're on stage. There's a monstrous audience 288 00:29:29,042 --> 00:29:31,834 holding their breath in anticipation. 289 00:29:32,001 --> 00:29:35,251 More and more people gather in front of the stage. 290 00:29:35,376 --> 00:29:38,167 They're there to see us. 291 00:29:38,917 --> 00:29:43,209 We walk onstage, the lights are bright. 292 00:29:43,376 --> 00:29:47,251 A thousand people stare at us intensely. 293 00:29:47,417 --> 00:29:50,334 Then it's all quiet, 294 00:29:50,459 --> 00:29:53,917 even the audience is nervous as hell. 295 00:29:55,251 --> 00:29:57,626 I cue a beat with a click of the sticks. 296 00:29:57,751 --> 00:30:01,209 Lotvonen drops an avalanche of riffs from hell. 297 00:30:01,334 --> 00:30:03,292 Pasi beats the bass like crazy. 298 00:30:03,417 --> 00:30:07,751 Then Turo lets out a monumental metal growl. The audience is floored. 299 00:30:08,126 --> 00:30:11,042 This is one hell of a thing. 300 00:30:11,334 --> 00:30:16,126 I knew Frank would call you right away and offer us a gig. 301 00:30:16,834 --> 00:30:19,626 He must've liked our song. 302 00:30:19,834 --> 00:30:21,626 Jynkky... 303 00:30:27,542 --> 00:30:31,751 - Yeah, he mentioned the main stage. - Main stage? 304 00:30:31,876 --> 00:30:39,001 What the hell. There's gonna be at least 3,000 people. 305 00:30:39,126 --> 00:30:41,126 - Damn. - Or 10,000. 306 00:30:41,251 --> 00:30:44,084 He really liked our demo. 307 00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:48,001 You gotta like it. The whole village has gone crazy. 308 00:30:48,126 --> 00:30:50,459 I even got a discount at the hot dog stand. 309 00:30:50,584 --> 00:30:52,751 How are we gonna get to Norway? 310 00:30:53,001 --> 00:30:56,584 We need a bigger car. Jynkky's is too small. 311 00:30:56,751 --> 00:31:00,751 - And we need a name. A good one. - Yeah 312 00:31:00,876 --> 00:31:02,834 - And a logo. - Yeah. 313 00:31:03,584 --> 00:31:07,376 Jouni's gigging at the hotel. Wanna go have a laugh at him? 314 00:31:08,417 --> 00:31:10,584 - Let's go! - Let's go. 315 00:31:11,459 --> 00:31:14,834 Guys, you need to help me get my car started. 316 00:31:16,584 --> 00:31:21,792 Our name has to have two words. In English. Like Forced Vomit. 317 00:31:22,084 --> 00:31:24,001 Fetal Death? 318 00:31:24,834 --> 00:31:26,667 Fetal Death! 319 00:31:26,792 --> 00:31:29,251 Let's not get small kids involved in this. 320 00:31:29,376 --> 00:31:31,626 How about Blood Poisoning? 321 00:31:32,001 --> 00:31:36,084 - Eternal Tears of Sorrow? - No way! 322 00:31:36,209 --> 00:31:38,626 How about Exorcised Vomit? 323 00:31:39,209 --> 00:31:42,251 - Possessed Vomit! - That's pretty nasty. 324 00:31:44,542 --> 00:31:46,167 Vomit is cool. 325 00:31:52,376 --> 00:31:56,251 I'm thirsty Your spring is a shower. 326 00:31:56,376 --> 00:31:59,792 I'm thirsty The nectar of your flower. 327 00:32:00,042 --> 00:32:05,126 My parched lips Waiting for the rain to start. 328 00:32:10,626 --> 00:32:12,917 Look. 329 00:32:14,542 --> 00:32:16,792 The rock stars are here! 330 00:32:29,001 --> 00:32:34,209 Who will extinguish this fire in my heart. 331 00:32:35,292 --> 00:32:37,251 I salute. 332 00:32:37,917 --> 00:32:42,834 We'll take a short break. We'll continue in a moment. 333 00:32:46,542 --> 00:32:51,709 May I have your attention. I would like to say a few words. 334 00:32:52,626 --> 00:32:56,917 On behalf of our municipality and our citizens, 335 00:32:57,834 --> 00:33:00,917 I'd like to present this pennant to you. 336 00:33:04,084 --> 00:33:06,167 Here you are. 337 00:33:06,542 --> 00:33:12,501 I heard that your band is going to do a concert 338 00:33:12,709 --> 00:33:15,251 at a musical event in Norway. Is it true? 339 00:33:17,417 --> 00:33:21,667 Yes. I was actually supposed to tell you... 340 00:33:25,876 --> 00:33:28,701 Our concert will be broadcast live on Norwegian television. 341 00:33:28,702 --> 00:33:32,001 Yes. Yes. Excellent. 342 00:33:32,126 --> 00:33:34,042 Good luck. 343 00:33:37,001 --> 00:33:39,042 I wish you good luck. 344 00:33:45,126 --> 00:33:48,792 Proud of you. Proud of you. 345 00:33:49,084 --> 00:33:51,001 Goddammit. 346 00:33:55,042 --> 00:33:59,667 - Jynkky, give me Frank's business card. - Why? 347 00:34:00,209 --> 00:34:03,084 - I have to discuss logistics with him. - Okay. 348 00:34:03,209 --> 00:34:06,667 - And talk about the stuff too. - Yeah. 349 00:34:06,917 --> 00:34:10,834 We need to make a list of things we want backstage. 350 00:34:11,001 --> 00:34:15,584 Tomorrow we will buy a van at Tulkku. 351 00:34:15,876 --> 00:34:19,334 - We need space for all of our stuff. - And we need band photos. 352 00:34:20,542 --> 00:34:22,417 - Hi. - Hi. 353 00:34:22,542 --> 00:34:26,584 I kinda accidentally blurted out the news about your gig. 354 00:34:26,709 --> 00:34:30,001 It's so great, I had to tell everyone. 355 00:34:30,126 --> 00:34:32,209 - That's okay. - Good 356 00:34:32,459 --> 00:34:36,376 It's great that you're going all the way to Norway to play a gig. 357 00:34:36,501 --> 00:34:41,542 - Is this your first gig? - Yeah, we thought we'd start at the top. 358 00:34:41,792 --> 00:34:45,167 Although it wouldn't hurt to practice as an opening act. 359 00:34:45,459 --> 00:34:48,209 But it's not like we had a lot of opportunities here. 360 00:34:48,334 --> 00:34:50,334 Jouni. 361 00:34:51,542 --> 00:34:54,542 Miia, are we finally going go for a walk backstage? 362 00:34:54,667 --> 00:34:57,792 Why don't you take the boys as your opening act? 363 00:35:00,292 --> 00:35:05,001 Right. Well... I wonder how that would work out. 364 00:35:05,126 --> 00:35:07,542 Give the boys a chance! 365 00:35:08,917 --> 00:35:13,376 Well, it would be a nice change to have a comedy act here. 366 00:35:14,501 --> 00:35:17,792 So what do you say, Moilanen? You wanna open 367 00:35:17,917 --> 00:35:20,417 for the Star Mustaches next Saturday? 368 00:35:20,792 --> 00:35:23,126 Say yes! 369 00:35:24,001 --> 00:35:27,334 - Of course. - Yes! 370 00:35:27,542 --> 00:35:31,459 That's awesome! Thank you Jouni, that's so nice of you! 371 00:35:31,584 --> 00:35:35,084 - The pleasure is mine. - Yes! 372 00:35:39,209 --> 00:35:42,209 What kind of music do you retards even play? 373 00:35:42,501 --> 00:35:45,542 Symphonic-post-apocalyptic- -reindeer-grinding- 374 00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:49,084 - Christ-abusing-extreme-war-pagan Fennoscandic metal. 375 00:35:51,126 --> 00:35:53,417 No wonder you're not getting any pussy. 376 00:35:53,542 --> 00:35:57,584 And who stuck a pole up his ass? One of you? 377 00:35:58,251 --> 00:36:00,251 Frigging ghost. 378 00:36:04,334 --> 00:36:07,167 Impaled Ass... 379 00:36:15,751 --> 00:36:18,334 We want the best van that we can get with this amount of money. 380 00:36:19,251 --> 00:36:24,001 - That's 260. - Yeah. What can we get with it? 381 00:36:24,084 --> 00:36:28,751 A snow tire and gonorrhea. Barely. 382 00:36:31,126 --> 00:36:35,209 Okay, I'll trade my Peugeot 205 for the van. 383 00:36:35,334 --> 00:36:37,167 - XL? - Yeah. 384 00:36:38,876 --> 00:36:44,292 285 euros. I might have a van for you. 385 00:36:52,751 --> 00:36:56,209 Here it is. It has a beautiful patina. 386 00:36:56,626 --> 00:36:59,209 It's seen a lot of life. Or actually death. 387 00:36:59,376 --> 00:37:02,584 This van killed three big animals and one person. 388 00:37:02,709 --> 00:37:05,667 A dwarf. Chinese, I believe. 389 00:37:06,001 --> 00:37:10,001 Then it was buried in a swamp. 390 00:37:10,167 --> 00:37:14,209 It was used in a bank robbery in Sweden. 391 00:37:14,501 --> 00:37:16,876 And a circus professional, a clown, 392 00:37:17,001 --> 00:37:19,584 committed suicide in the passenger seat. 393 00:37:23,501 --> 00:37:25,501 It's the van of death. 394 00:37:26,251 --> 00:37:28,084 The Death Van. 395 00:37:29,459 --> 00:37:32,417 Perfect. We'll take it. 396 00:37:35,709 --> 00:37:37,667 Okay. 397 00:37:42,417 --> 00:37:45,501 Jynkky, why don't you lend me your old drums. 398 00:37:45,626 --> 00:37:48,084 - We'll take them to the care home. - Why? 399 00:37:48,209 --> 00:37:49,834 For music therapy. 400 00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:54,667 Fuck! It clicked again. That damn speed camera haunts me! 401 00:37:54,792 --> 00:37:56,667 We could've taken another road. 402 00:37:56,792 --> 00:37:59,126 I've been taking this road 403 00:37:59,251 --> 00:38:01,542 since before I got my driver's license. 404 00:38:01,667 --> 00:38:04,334 I ain't taking back roads because of that cam. 405 00:38:04,459 --> 00:38:06,251 That cost me 100 euros. 406 00:38:12,584 --> 00:38:17,126 Sweet Jesus on a stick! I would never have believed it. 407 00:38:18,001 --> 00:38:21,251 Take new linens to him. And then there's Kolehmainen... 408 00:38:23,001 --> 00:38:26,876 - I heard you have a gig at the hotel. - Yeah. 409 00:38:27,084 --> 00:38:30,876 A bunch of the staff will be there. 410 00:38:48,500 --> 00:38:53,000 You've reached Northern Damnation. Leave a message 411 00:39:03,001 --> 00:39:04,917 This is a great song! 412 00:39:07,667 --> 00:39:09,626 What is it? 413 00:39:09,834 --> 00:39:13,292 - My buddies and I have a band. - Are you famous? 414 00:39:14,001 --> 00:39:16,001 I don't know about that. 415 00:39:16,626 --> 00:39:20,876 - We probably have a couple of gigs coming up, though. - Listen. 416 00:39:22,251 --> 00:39:24,834 I'm sorry about last time. 417 00:39:25,917 --> 00:39:29,292 I lose it sometimes. You know, I'm crazy. 418 00:39:32,459 --> 00:39:35,001 Just kidding! 419 00:39:36,209 --> 00:39:38,084 Don't you have a sense of humour? 420 00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:41,001 I haven't seen much to laugh at lately. 421 00:39:41,126 --> 00:39:42,876 Why are you so serious? 422 00:39:44,667 --> 00:39:47,376 This gig thing has gotten out of hand. 423 00:39:52,459 --> 00:39:56,292 Everybody's expecting a lot of me. 424 00:39:58,584 --> 00:40:01,334 What if I screw up and ruin everything? 425 00:40:01,459 --> 00:40:04,751 My boy, the only way to get rid of your fears is to face them. 426 00:40:04,876 --> 00:40:06,709 You see, 427 00:40:06,876 --> 00:40:13,251 there's a tribe in Africa that steals food from lions. 428 00:40:13,542 --> 00:40:15,501 They're fearless. 429 00:40:15,626 --> 00:40:20,292 They just walk up to the lions as if the jungle was theirs. 430 00:40:20,459 --> 00:40:25,209 The lions are stunned when someone isn't scared of them. 431 00:40:25,334 --> 00:40:29,876 The warriors just snatch their kill right in front of them. 432 00:40:33,376 --> 00:40:36,709 - Are you from there? - Nearby... 433 00:40:37,001 --> 00:40:39,501 I'm from Karigasniemi, Finnish Lapland! 434 00:40:40,751 --> 00:40:45,001 I saw it on TV. In a nature documentary. 435 00:40:46,751 --> 00:40:49,209 We don't have many lions around here. 436 00:40:49,417 --> 00:40:52,667 Metaphors are not your thing, huh? 437 00:40:54,001 --> 00:40:58,417 We all have our own lions to face. 438 00:41:05,501 --> 00:41:08,667 - What are we doing here? - I'm hungry. 439 00:41:40,459 --> 00:41:42,459 Pasi. 440 00:41:43,042 --> 00:41:46,292 That's a wicked-ass costume. 441 00:41:52,001 --> 00:41:54,292 There is no more Pasi. 442 00:41:54,542 --> 00:41:57,167 - There is only Xytrax. - Xytero? 443 00:41:57,292 --> 00:41:59,709 - Xytrax. - Xytero? 444 00:41:59,876 --> 00:42:04,834 It's a pseudonym. All the legends have pseudonyms. 445 00:42:05,126 --> 00:42:09,167 Trollhorn, King Diamond, Nuclear Holocausto. 446 00:42:09,584 --> 00:42:11,834 And now, Xytrax. 447 00:42:15,917 --> 00:42:18,584 Here's our logo. 448 00:42:21,126 --> 00:42:23,542 Iskender Kebab. That's great. 449 00:42:23,667 --> 00:42:27,292 - I love Iskender Kebab. - No, Impaled Rektum. 450 00:42:27,709 --> 00:42:31,292 - That's our name. Impaled Ass. - It's even better. 451 00:42:31,417 --> 00:42:35,251 Impaled Rektum. It's brutal. 452 00:42:36,709 --> 00:42:39,334 And now, we'll take a promo shot. 453 00:42:41,417 --> 00:42:43,626 A bit more. 454 00:42:44,251 --> 00:42:46,001 That's too much. 455 00:42:46,292 --> 00:42:49,001 Turn it towards the swamp. No... 456 00:42:49,167 --> 00:42:51,251 - What swamp? - It was good, there. 457 00:42:51,459 --> 00:42:54,042 - Clockwise. - Your clockwise or mine? 458 00:43:10,376 --> 00:43:12,167 That's it. 459 00:43:14,251 --> 00:43:17,751 How are we going to get the photo? 460 00:43:19,709 --> 00:43:22,917 - From the police station. - Yeah. 461 00:43:25,376 --> 00:43:28,084 It took a photo. Let's get going. 462 00:43:28,334 --> 00:43:31,042 Jynkky, I need a ride. I need to do something. 463 00:43:44,542 --> 00:43:47,709 I've never been here before. 464 00:43:50,209 --> 00:43:54,917 Wait here. I won't be long. 465 00:43:58,626 --> 00:44:02,084 No, I'm coming with you. 466 00:44:02,209 --> 00:44:05,042 I'm not going to wait here by myself. 467 00:44:05,501 --> 00:44:07,501 RANUA ZOO 468 00:44:08,459 --> 00:44:11,167 What an amazing place. 469 00:44:15,792 --> 00:44:18,251 Bears are such big animals. 470 00:44:18,667 --> 00:44:21,334 You can't tell from TV or in photographs. 471 00:44:21,501 --> 00:44:25,584 But from here, they're fucking big, for sure. 472 00:44:33,834 --> 00:44:38,709 Wolves kill for pleasure, did you know that? 473 00:44:39,001 --> 00:44:42,001 They practice murder on reindeer. 474 00:44:42,334 --> 00:44:48,001 There must be a whole pack of them back there. 475 00:44:58,376 --> 00:45:00,001 How cute! 476 00:45:04,917 --> 00:45:09,626 - Turo, what the hell's up? - We all have our lions to face. 477 00:45:09,751 --> 00:45:14,167 - But that's a wolverine. - It's a metaphor. 478 00:45:14,292 --> 00:45:16,751 Don't! What the hell... Turo! 479 00:46:36,501 --> 00:46:39,834 We have some liver casserole at home that you could've had instead. 480 00:46:48,501 --> 00:46:51,834 - Good God! What happened to you? - Nothing... really. 481 00:46:52,001 --> 00:46:55,792 - I've just been wrestling with a couple of things. - Okay. 482 00:46:56,292 --> 00:46:59,209 - Are you coming to see our show tomorrow? - Of course. 483 00:46:59,334 --> 00:47:01,126 Good. 484 00:47:05,792 --> 00:47:08,542 Need anything else? 485 00:47:10,167 --> 00:47:11,834 No that's all. 486 00:47:23,334 --> 00:47:25,042 I was thinking... 487 00:47:25,792 --> 00:47:28,042 Would you like to have coffee with me? 488 00:47:29,626 --> 00:47:32,834 Sure, I love coffee. With buns. 489 00:47:33,751 --> 00:47:36,084 Yeah, with buns. 490 00:47:36,667 --> 00:47:38,376 It's a deal. 491 00:47:53,917 --> 00:47:58,251 What did I tell you? Leave my daughter alone! 492 00:47:58,459 --> 00:48:01,709 You hear me? Now, throw my baton back! 493 00:48:01,834 --> 00:48:04,251 REINDEER AND PUMAS 494 00:48:19,417 --> 00:48:21,792 The place is packed! 495 00:48:22,626 --> 00:48:25,209 - What's that? - Pyrotechnics. 496 00:48:25,751 --> 00:48:27,376 Good idea. 497 00:48:27,501 --> 00:48:29,459 I gotta hit the bathroom. 498 00:48:32,084 --> 00:48:34,001 Fuck! 499 00:48:51,792 --> 00:48:53,542 Turo Moilanen 500 00:48:53,544 --> 00:48:55,998 Yes, hello, it's Frank. 501 00:48:56,001 --> 00:48:57,001 Hello. 502 00:48:57,002 --> 00:49:01,500 I listened to your demo, and it's a good song, real metal. 503 00:49:01,501 --> 00:49:02,501 Thanks. 504 00:49:03,502 --> 00:49:08,542 But... I am... uh sorry. We have no room for you in this year's festival. 505 00:49:10,002 --> 00:49:11,700 Okay, of course. 506 00:49:13,701 --> 00:49:15,500 But, are you sure? 507 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:17,500 We can play anywhere! 508 00:49:17,501 --> 00:49:18,501 Listen... 509 00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:20,750 I can't take you this year, sorry. 510 00:49:20,751 --> 00:49:24,400 But keep up the good work, and don't worry about that blood bath. 511 00:49:24,401 --> 00:49:26,500 That was actually very brutal. 512 00:49:26,501 --> 00:49:29,000 See you around then. Bye-bye. 513 00:49:29,834 --> 00:49:32,376 Turo, come on! 514 00:49:47,626 --> 00:49:51,792 Thank you. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. 515 00:49:51,917 --> 00:49:55,709 I'm a generous guy, so tonight I'm giving a group of local boys a shot. 516 00:49:55,834 --> 00:49:59,667 Some wild rock 'n' roll to kick off the night... 517 00:49:59,792 --> 00:50:03,667 - What was the name of your band again? - Impaled Rektum. 518 00:50:05,126 --> 00:50:11,251 Please, welcome: Impure Recluse! 519 00:50:24,167 --> 00:50:26,709 Oops. Sorry. 520 00:50:56,792 --> 00:50:58,792 Turo! 521 00:51:17,001 --> 00:51:19,876 Oh dear. Oh dear. 522 00:51:24,626 --> 00:51:28,376 No one gets it perfect the first time. 523 00:51:28,501 --> 00:51:33,292 That was great! Your gig in Norway will be a success. 524 00:51:33,459 --> 00:51:35,209 There will be no gig in Norway. 525 00:51:35,334 --> 00:51:38,126 Turo Moilanen would like to say something. 526 00:51:38,584 --> 00:51:41,042 There will be no gig in Norway! 527 00:51:41,167 --> 00:51:43,542 - What? - There never was one. 528 00:51:43,667 --> 00:51:46,126 - What the fuck, Turo? - Homo! 529 00:51:46,251 --> 00:51:47,917 No friggin' Way... 530 00:51:48,876 --> 00:51:50,709 Everything's fine! 531 00:52:08,084 --> 00:52:10,584 What the hell you have done... 532 00:52:11,167 --> 00:52:13,834 - I... - Shut up! 533 00:52:16,542 --> 00:52:20,126 You'll be lucky if the mayor doesn't press charges, 534 00:52:20,251 --> 00:52:24,501 for property damage, lying, and vomit on his damn suit. 535 00:52:25,501 --> 00:52:33,167 And your so-called car. I'm confiscating it. 536 00:52:33,292 --> 00:52:35,751 It hasn't been inspected in two years. 537 00:52:36,042 --> 00:52:40,167 - We bought it from Jouni! - Don't drag him into this! 538 00:52:40,542 --> 00:52:43,376 He said he told you it hasn't been inspected. 539 00:52:43,501 --> 00:52:47,334 - He did not. - Shut up! 540 00:52:47,501 --> 00:52:50,167 Give me the keys. 541 00:52:56,459 --> 00:53:00,001 What is it, you damn raccoon? 542 00:53:01,042 --> 00:53:06,417 We recently took a promo shot 543 00:53:07,126 --> 00:53:08,917 with the speed cam... 544 00:53:09,042 --> 00:53:12,084 - Could we get the photo as soon as possible? - What? 545 00:53:12,376 --> 00:53:15,626 It's a promo shot for the band. 546 00:53:15,751 --> 00:53:20,417 - That's what you did? - Yeah, that's what we did. 547 00:53:20,542 --> 00:53:23,251 No, you can't have it! 548 00:53:23,501 --> 00:53:26,709 The photo's government property. 549 00:53:28,459 --> 00:53:31,292 Make sure you don't leave town. 550 00:53:31,876 --> 00:53:33,542 Miia! 551 00:53:34,876 --> 00:53:36,751 Let's go. 552 00:53:43,042 --> 00:53:45,459 Impaled Rektum. 553 00:53:45,792 --> 00:53:48,917 First concert: A huge scandal and a lot of hatred. 554 00:53:49,626 --> 00:53:52,084 Perfect. 555 00:53:52,417 --> 00:53:54,917 I should have known this was going to happen. 556 00:53:55,042 --> 00:53:58,667 That's what happens when glue-sniffing criminals are allowed to mingle 557 00:53:58,792 --> 00:54:00,542 with decent citizens. 558 00:54:00,667 --> 00:54:02,792 Dude, you lied. 559 00:54:04,084 --> 00:54:06,292 - It got out of hand. - Shut up! 560 00:54:06,584 --> 00:54:09,001 I'm seriously pissed. 561 00:54:13,417 --> 00:54:15,376 This isn't working. 562 00:54:18,042 --> 00:54:19,792 I quit. 563 00:54:21,584 --> 00:54:24,501 Turo. You're not going to quit, are you? 564 00:54:26,709 --> 00:54:29,709 Everything has sucked the whole time. 565 00:54:30,876 --> 00:54:33,542 We should've stayed in Lotvonen's basement. 566 00:54:33,667 --> 00:54:37,001 Turo. That's not what bands do. 567 00:54:37,542 --> 00:54:40,542 Bands play for people. Other people. 568 00:54:40,667 --> 00:54:45,376 - And, what did you think of our show? - It was damn awesome! 569 00:54:45,501 --> 00:54:49,126 Not very many bands have first gigs like that. 570 00:54:49,376 --> 00:54:51,376 Besides, we have a gig in Norway. 571 00:54:51,501 --> 00:54:54,626 There is no gig in Norway. There never was one. 572 00:54:54,751 --> 00:55:00,542 I don't care if we play in the parking lot. 573 00:55:00,667 --> 00:55:03,376 We've made it this far. I refuse to give up. 574 00:55:03,501 --> 00:55:07,001 I'm going to Norway even if it kills me! 575 00:55:07,876 --> 00:55:11,417 - We don't even have a car. - I'll get the van back. 576 00:55:11,542 --> 00:55:14,251 And then we'll go. I'll call you. 577 00:55:21,334 --> 00:55:23,584 - Hi. - Hi. 578 00:55:26,501 --> 00:55:29,376 - Have you seen Turo? - No. 579 00:55:29,501 --> 00:55:34,251 Okay. Where's Jouni? 580 00:55:39,876 --> 00:55:43,501 I've been going through rough times. 581 00:55:43,917 --> 00:55:47,501 My grandmother is terminally ill, among other things. 582 00:55:47,626 --> 00:55:50,001 Don't pull on my suit. I use it on stage. 583 00:55:50,126 --> 00:55:52,667 - Hi. - Yeah. 584 00:55:52,834 --> 00:55:54,584 This doesn't concern you. 585 00:55:57,292 --> 00:55:59,376 Want to have a threesome? 586 00:55:59,501 --> 00:56:01,417 Why don't you fuck off. 587 00:56:05,626 --> 00:56:09,209 I don't know her. Continue. 588 00:56:29,042 --> 00:56:32,001 POLICE 589 00:57:09,126 --> 00:57:11,001 Shit. 590 00:57:56,417 --> 00:57:59,251 We'll be home soon.. 591 00:58:39,542 --> 00:58:41,167 Shitty cam! 592 00:59:05,667 --> 00:59:08,917 We are gathered here to see Jyrki Kalevi Pätsi off 593 00:59:09,042 --> 00:59:10,834 on his final journey. 594 00:59:11,001 --> 00:59:16,292 Jyrki managed to experience many things during his short life. 595 00:59:17,042 --> 00:59:22,001 His life's candle burned with a big flame. 596 00:59:22,834 --> 00:59:28,667 The water of life flowed in his heart, clear as crystal. 597 00:59:29,292 --> 00:59:31,626 Does anyone have anything to say 598 00:59:31,751 --> 00:59:35,917 before we commit his body to the earth? 599 00:59:42,709 --> 00:59:45,042 To my best friend. 600 00:59:51,001 --> 00:59:55,876 The Jynkky special. Without pickles. 601 00:59:56,251 --> 00:59:58,917 Because you too were special. 602 01:00:04,667 --> 01:00:09,292 "In the misty morning, on the edge of time 603 01:00:10,792 --> 01:00:13,459 We've lost the rising sun, a final sign" 604 01:00:14,626 --> 01:00:18,209 We sailed across the air before we learned to fly" 605 01:00:19,917 --> 01:00:22,501 We thought that it could never end 606 01:00:24,167 --> 01:00:28,084 We're lost children of the sea" 607 01:00:29,542 --> 01:00:34,042 Ronnie James Dio. 1980. 608 01:00:39,001 --> 01:00:41,501 I have to go work. 609 01:00:41,626 --> 01:00:45,167 My father thinks I should take over at the slaughterhouse 610 01:00:45,292 --> 01:00:48,084 while he still has most of his arms and legs left. 611 01:00:48,709 --> 01:00:51,792 I also have a lot of work. 612 01:01:02,667 --> 01:01:06,917 I haven't changed my plans. 613 01:01:21,417 --> 01:01:24,459 - Hi. - Hi. 614 01:01:25,042 --> 01:01:27,626 Come on in. 615 01:01:28,834 --> 01:01:30,876 It's a bit of a mess in here. 616 01:01:33,126 --> 01:01:34,792 Are you moving? 617 01:01:35,167 --> 01:01:37,501 No. I'm just packing away old junk. 618 01:01:38,126 --> 01:01:42,209 Blood Motor. 619 01:01:47,667 --> 01:01:51,001 It's a bit childish to have posters on the walls at my age. 620 01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:55,126 - How's the band? - Well... 621 01:01:56,584 --> 01:01:58,209 I dunno. 622 01:01:59,501 --> 01:02:01,709 - I got pissed. - What? 623 01:02:02,334 --> 01:02:04,876 I thought I'd be good. 624 01:02:05,709 --> 01:02:08,042 I should've known I'd screw it up 625 01:02:08,417 --> 01:02:11,084 if I tried to sing in front of people. 626 01:02:12,917 --> 01:02:15,209 I'm glad we quit. 627 01:02:15,459 --> 01:02:19,709 Goddammit! No way in hell! Are you gonna give up too? 628 01:02:19,834 --> 01:02:25,042 Well... I have to move on. 629 01:02:25,501 --> 01:02:28,501 - I have to think about others. - You can't be serious. 630 01:02:28,667 --> 01:02:31,376 You're the reason I've been thinking 631 01:02:31,501 --> 01:02:34,501 about going to school in Oulu. 632 01:02:34,626 --> 01:02:37,417 And now you're giving up! 633 01:02:37,751 --> 01:02:40,751 There's nothing selfish about being yourself! 634 01:02:41,876 --> 01:02:47,042 Greetings from the police station. You can burn it if you want. 635 01:03:19,084 --> 01:03:21,126 Jynkky, dammit. 636 01:03:29,501 --> 01:03:32,167 What the hell. Let's go. 637 01:03:35,292 --> 01:03:40,084 Hey, Moilanen? Are you gay? You're so pretty? 638 01:03:40,209 --> 01:03:42,167 Yeah. 639 01:03:49,917 --> 01:03:53,417 Fags are real men. Manly men. 640 01:03:54,667 --> 01:03:57,834 - Are your keys are in the car? - Yeah. 641 01:03:58,001 --> 01:03:59,834 Perfect. 642 01:04:04,001 --> 01:04:07,001 Hey! 643 01:04:07,876 --> 01:04:11,292 This sounded horrible. As if someone was killing a pig. 644 01:04:12,292 --> 01:04:14,584 No, they didn't kill a pig. 645 01:04:16,084 --> 01:04:18,209 It was a goat. 646 01:04:42,709 --> 01:04:45,626 They recorded this song with a microphone... 647 01:04:45,751 --> 01:04:49,792 that was in a sheep's carcass. 648 01:04:59,417 --> 01:05:01,042 All right. 649 01:05:22,542 --> 01:05:24,167 What the hell... 650 01:05:36,917 --> 01:05:38,542 Goddammit! 651 01:05:44,417 --> 01:05:46,376 Oula, calm down. 652 01:05:49,792 --> 01:05:51,542 - Pasi! - It's Xytrax! 653 01:05:51,667 --> 01:05:55,001 Put our demo on. 654 01:06:22,084 --> 01:06:25,126 - Where are you taking me? - To Norway. 655 01:06:25,251 --> 01:06:27,501 What the hell am I going to do in Norway? 656 01:06:27,626 --> 01:06:29,800 You'll play symphonic postapocalyptic reindeer-grinding 657 01:06:29,801 --> 01:06:34,709 Christ-abusing-extreme-war-pagan Fennoscandian metal. 658 01:06:48,626 --> 01:06:53,001 - Border guard. - This is Police Chief Kujanpää from Taivalkoski. 659 01:06:53,126 --> 01:06:56,917 - You speak Finnish? - Yes a little. 660 01:06:57,042 --> 01:07:00,834 A gang of Devil worshipers are en route to the border. 661 01:07:01,001 --> 01:07:03,626 They're driving a van. 662 01:07:03,876 --> 01:07:06,459 They looted a grave and dug up the corpse. Close the border. 663 01:07:06,584 --> 01:07:11,001 We'll only close the border if it's something serious, 664 01:07:11,209 --> 01:07:13,251 like a terrorist threat. 665 01:07:13,376 --> 01:07:15,292 They are terrorists! 666 01:07:15,417 --> 01:07:19,417 I'm sure they're all funta... funda... 667 01:07:19,542 --> 01:07:21,751 - Fundamentalists? - Yes. 668 01:07:21,876 --> 01:07:26,334 - I'll pass your message on to my superiors. - Okay. 669 01:07:40,001 --> 01:07:41,917 Colonel Dokken 670 01:07:43,126 --> 01:07:47,042 Sorry for disturbing you, but I got an emergency call from Finland. 671 01:07:47,167 --> 01:07:51,459 A group of Finnish terrorists are going to cross the border. 672 01:07:51,709 --> 01:07:53,626 We are being asked to stop them. 673 01:07:55,542 --> 01:07:57,751 I knew this day would come. 674 01:07:59,792 --> 01:08:03,167 - Call the Delta troops. - Delta troops? 675 01:08:03,292 --> 01:08:05,917 You mean those voluntary military troops? 676 01:08:06,042 --> 01:08:08,209 The safety of the country is at stake! 677 01:08:08,334 --> 01:08:10,001 We need all the troops. 678 01:08:10,084 --> 01:08:15,584 We're the last line of defense. And we won't not back down. 679 01:08:17,417 --> 01:08:21,417 Angelo... You'll be smokin' hot soon. 680 01:08:33,792 --> 01:08:39,042 You are here because you are the best of the best. 681 01:08:43,251 --> 01:08:47,334 You're here because your country needs you. 682 01:08:47,667 --> 01:08:50,001 Because you're fearless. 683 01:08:50,126 --> 01:08:52,126 Because 684 01:08:53,334 --> 01:08:55,084 you live nearby. 685 01:08:55,459 --> 01:08:57,709 The use of force is recommended. 686 01:08:57,834 --> 01:09:01,626 Let's give these terrorists a welcome they'll never forget! 687 01:09:04,084 --> 01:09:07,001 Oh my God, here we go again. 688 01:09:15,376 --> 01:09:18,751 Judah, sulking is forbidden at a bachelor party. 689 01:09:19,376 --> 01:09:21,417 Hey, I can drive us back. 690 01:09:21,542 --> 01:09:25,167 Jesus and his apostles is the best idea ever 691 01:09:25,292 --> 01:09:27,001 for a bachelor party. 692 01:09:27,667 --> 01:09:31,334 Look what I got! 693 01:09:32,001 --> 01:09:36,792 This keeps getting better! 694 01:09:39,917 --> 01:09:43,459 Judah, turn the music down. 695 01:10:12,876 --> 01:10:15,667 You missed a note. 696 01:10:27,084 --> 01:10:31,834 I assume you understand the importance of gun safety. 697 01:10:32,001 --> 01:10:35,751 Don't point it at me. Oh God. 698 01:10:38,334 --> 01:10:40,751 Take your finger off the trigger! 699 01:10:42,542 --> 01:10:44,167 Grenade! 700 01:11:01,167 --> 01:11:03,542 What the hell?! 701 01:11:07,126 --> 01:11:08,917 What the hell? 702 01:11:16,209 --> 01:11:19,459 Colonel, with all due respect, this makes no sense. 703 01:11:19,584 --> 01:11:23,584 - We need to ask headquarters for backup. - A car! 704 01:11:33,584 --> 01:11:35,459 Angelo! 705 01:11:36,167 --> 01:11:38,792 - You can't shoot them! - Just a warning shot. 706 01:11:54,459 --> 01:11:57,876 Sergeant, arrest these men. 707 01:12:27,876 --> 01:12:30,126 We better drive nice and slow. 708 01:12:59,209 --> 01:13:03,084 It's reassuring to know that our borders are well guarded. 709 01:13:05,917 --> 01:13:07,876 Say "cheese"! 710 01:13:29,917 --> 01:13:33,584 You stopped the wrong car! 711 01:13:35,584 --> 01:13:37,792 We stopped the wrong car. 712 01:13:40,500 --> 01:13:43,500 Not good. Bad. 713 01:13:44,709 --> 01:13:47,084 Guys, that's it, we're in Norway! 714 01:13:47,417 --> 01:13:52,376 Go Sweden! 715 01:14:34,084 --> 01:14:36,334 We're not gonna get stuck here, are we? 716 01:14:43,084 --> 01:14:44,834 - Brake! - I am braking. 717 01:14:45,001 --> 01:14:46,876 Brake better! 718 01:14:48,667 --> 01:14:51,792 No! 719 01:14:52,626 --> 01:14:55,876 - Shit! - No! 720 01:15:15,376 --> 01:15:17,209 - The megaphone! - What the hell? 721 01:15:17,334 --> 01:15:19,042 You'll stay in the car. 722 01:15:25,126 --> 01:15:26,876 MY VAN! 723 01:15:28,917 --> 01:15:30,584 Hey! 724 01:15:34,792 --> 01:15:36,792 Dad! 725 01:15:38,000 --> 01:15:42,750 You are under arrest by Norwegian Law for attempted terrorist acts. 726 01:15:42,751 --> 01:15:44,000 We are not terrorists! 727 01:15:44,001 --> 01:15:46,001 We're a metal band from Finland! 728 01:15:46,002 --> 01:15:48,200 We are on a mission from Satan. 729 01:15:48,201 --> 01:15:53,500 Listen, I love Satan as much as any woman in her forties. 730 01:15:53,501 --> 01:15:58,200 But you are coming up for interrogation right this moment. 731 01:15:58,501 --> 01:16:01,126 What the hell is she talking about? 732 01:16:02,542 --> 01:16:04,292 Hey. 733 01:16:04,834 --> 01:16:06,709 It can't end like this. 734 01:16:06,834 --> 01:16:10,751 Listen, mop-top faggots! It's the end of the road. 735 01:16:11,584 --> 01:16:13,834 You'll be locked away for a long time. 736 01:16:14,001 --> 01:16:16,584 The longer you wait, the longer the sentence. 737 01:16:20,126 --> 01:16:21,834 Guys. 738 01:16:23,417 --> 01:16:25,376 Listen. 739 01:16:31,677 --> 01:16:33,333 Thirty seconds! 740 01:16:36,584 --> 01:16:40,001 What are we gonna do? Are we gonna give up? 741 01:16:43,334 --> 01:16:45,626 Darn it! 742 01:16:59,876 --> 01:17:03,001 I say we follow Jynkky. 743 01:17:25,126 --> 01:17:27,667 And I'm the one they keep in a closed ward. 744 01:18:20,501 --> 01:18:24,709 We all died and have just arrived in hell. 745 01:18:25,167 --> 01:18:29,167 I'd say this is either Asgard or Valhalla. 746 01:18:57,917 --> 01:19:00,334 Wasn't this supposed to be a fantasy game? 747 01:19:00,792 --> 01:19:03,376 These guys look like fucking Finnish metalheads. 748 01:19:03,501 --> 01:19:07,042 This is a Middle Ages S.C.A., not fantasy LARPing. 749 01:19:07,417 --> 01:19:10,876 - Do you always have to play a fairy? - Yes. 750 01:19:12,501 --> 01:19:16,876 - Damn Legolas. - Hey! Take us down! 751 01:19:17,584 --> 01:19:20,751 Next time it's your turn to be crucified! 752 01:19:20,752 --> 01:19:22,500 What the hell is going on here? 753 01:19:22,501 --> 01:19:26,501 We're playing Viking Realm. You're welcome to play along if you want. 754 01:19:26,502 --> 01:19:29,750 We're going to the Northern Damnation festival. 755 01:19:29,751 --> 01:19:31,000 We are late. 756 01:19:31,001 --> 01:19:34,300 Do you have any transportation here? 757 01:19:44,001 --> 01:19:45,917 Land ho! 758 01:19:46,209 --> 01:19:48,167 Northern Damnation! 759 01:20:21,800 --> 01:20:23,464 You have some balls coming here. 760 01:20:26,900 --> 01:20:29,400 Is there any chance we could play here? 761 01:20:30,200 --> 01:20:32,000 Just one song. 762 01:20:34,001 --> 01:20:35,500 In the parking lot, maybe, or... 763 01:20:35,501 --> 01:20:37,501 For fuck sake, boys... 764 01:20:37,502 --> 01:20:39,800 You're all over the news! 765 01:20:39,801 --> 01:20:43,300 A deranged Finnish metal band kidnaps a lunatic, 766 01:20:43,301 --> 01:20:46,555 and digs up their dead drummer from the grave, 767 01:20:46,556 --> 01:20:49,000 and nearly starts a war. 768 01:20:49,001 --> 01:20:53,001 That is one fuck of a metal attitude. 769 01:20:55,000 --> 01:20:58,875 We are honoured to let you play at our fesival. 770 01:20:58,876 --> 01:21:03,209 - Right, boys? - Damn. 771 01:21:17,751 --> 01:21:20,417 Hey, where do you think you're going? 772 01:21:20,626 --> 01:21:24,001 There are all kinds of bums ready to cause trouble for you. 773 01:21:24,792 --> 01:21:27,667 Dad, you can't protect me for the rest of my life. 774 01:21:29,376 --> 01:21:33,251 I'm going to the festival. Try to behave. 775 01:21:33,584 --> 01:21:36,042 You understand? 776 01:21:53,001 --> 01:21:54,876 What are you doing? 777 01:21:56,084 --> 01:21:58,709 This won't feel like mine if I don't do this. 778 01:22:05,751 --> 01:22:07,709 I gotta go to the bathroom. 779 01:22:15,209 --> 01:22:18,584 - It'll go well. - Miia. 780 01:22:20,459 --> 01:22:22,834 What the hell are you doing here? 781 01:22:23,001 --> 01:22:25,084 I've seen enough of back home. 782 01:22:25,251 --> 01:22:27,334 And I wanted to see your gig. 783 01:22:28,376 --> 01:22:30,834 I'm your number one fan, after all. 784 01:22:32,626 --> 01:22:34,542 Show them what you've got. 785 01:22:40,000 --> 01:22:42,411 Get on stage! Metal first, girls later. 786 01:22:42,412 --> 01:22:44,000 Yes, coming! 787 01:22:48,251 --> 01:22:51,042 I've been wanting to tell you something. 788 01:22:55,555 --> 01:22:57,555 There's cops all over the place looking for you! 789 01:22:57,556 --> 01:22:59,222 - Get on stage, now! - Yes! 790 01:23:00,917 --> 01:23:02,709 Rock rock! 791 01:23:13,876 --> 01:23:15,709 Fuck! 792 01:23:18,126 --> 01:23:19,751 Yes! 793 01:23:27,000 --> 01:23:29,500 Please welcome from Finland, 794 01:23:29,501 --> 01:23:32,500 A band that nearly started a war, 795 01:23:32,501 --> 01:23:36,001 and was resurrected from the dead! 796 01:23:39,777 --> 01:23:47,777 The only symphonic-post-group cruel-scandinavian metal band in the world! 797 01:23:48,917 --> 01:23:51,209 He got it wrong. He got it wrong! 798 01:23:51,500 --> 01:23:56,500 Impaled Rektum! 799 01:23:58,584 --> 01:24:02,751 Jynkky, we're playing Northern Damnation! 800 01:24:08,000 --> 01:24:09,000 Hello. 801 01:26:22,584 --> 01:26:24,584 Shields! 802 01:26:49,834 --> 01:26:53,084 Let the boys play some more. 803 01:26:53,334 --> 01:26:55,917 The singer might be my future son-in-law. 804 01:26:58,209 --> 01:27:01,001 - What? - Son-in-law. 805 01:27:40,376 --> 01:27:44,251 Sometimes it's better to just do things and think afterwards. 806 01:27:44,376 --> 01:27:47,751 Dare to screw up. Or as our resident Kolehmainen said, 807 01:27:47,917 --> 01:27:51,376 "Better to shit yourself than to be forever constipated." 808 01:27:51,501 --> 01:27:54,834 We'll do some time in the clink, but that'll just add to our street cred. 809 01:27:55,001 --> 01:27:58,709 Pasi's pleased. I don't know about Lotvonen. 810 01:27:59,001 --> 01:28:01,459 I think he'll miss his reindeer. 811 01:28:01,876 --> 01:28:04,126 Oula doesn't seem to mind. 812 01:28:04,334 --> 01:28:07,542 At least he got a break from being locked up. 813 01:28:10,334 --> 01:28:14,876 But one thing all of us boys can agree on. 814 01:28:15,376 --> 01:28:17,876 You're not done hearing from the Rektum. 60574

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.