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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,373 - [on TV] BECAUSE AN HOUR AND A HALF IS GONNA BE 2 00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:07,108 A MAJOR SETBACK. 3 00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:08,309 - WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD. 4 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,178 MY HUSBAND'S GOTTA HAVE HIS LUNCH. 5 00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,279 [doorbell rings] 6 00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:14,315 NO, I DON'T HAVE A PICKLE. 7 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,085 - HI, HELEN. 8 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,419 I HOPE I'M NOT INTRUDING. 9 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,354 - NO, NOT AT ALL. 10 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:24,325 - OH, CHAMPAGNE. WHAT ARE YOU CELEBRATING? 11 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,227 - UM, I WON. 12 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,196 A VERY PRESTIGIOUS AWARD. 13 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:29,797 - OH, UH, SORRY TO INTERRUPT. 14 00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,666 - NO, THE PARTY'S OVER, I JUST, UM-- 15 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,669 NOW I'M WATCHING MY FAVORITE EPISODE OF HOARDERS. 16 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,371 YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE HEAPS OF DEAD CATS? 17 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,273 ALTHOUGH I GUESS THAT'S EVERY EPISODE OF HOARDERS. 18 00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,274 [laughs] 19 00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,442 - WELL, I'M JUST ON MY WAY OUT. 20 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,411 I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND 21 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,346 SIGNING FOR ANOTHER PACKAGE FOR ME. 22 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,780 - OF COURSE. 23 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:49,317 OH, THE IRONY, HUH? 24 00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:50,784 HERE I AM, SINGLE WOMAN IN HER 30s, 25 00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:51,885 STAYING IN ALL THE TIME, 26 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,155 AND YOU GO OUT ALL THE TIME, AND YOU'RE IN YOUR 80s. 27 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,224 IT'S LIKE, I SHOULD BE YOU. YOU SHOULD BE ME. 28 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,691 I'M GONNA PUT OUT SOME HARD CANDIES. 29 00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,294 - SO YOU'LL SIGN FOR THE PACKAGE? 30 00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:03,297 - ARE YOU GETTING SOMETHING THAT'S GONNA MAKE ME FEEL LAME? 31 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:04,432 'CAUSE I GOTTA BE HONEST, 32 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,200 IF I'M STAYING IN ON A SATURDAY NIGHT 33 00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:07,701 WATCHING AN EPISODE OF HOARDERS, 34 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,737 WAITING TO SIGN FOR A PACKAGE OF EXOTIC LINGERIE 35 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,572 FOR MY 80-YEAR-OLD NEIGHBOR WHO'S GOING ON A HOT DATE, 36 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,341 I'M GONNA HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. 37 00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:16,744 - IT'S MY KIDNEY MEDICINE. 38 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:18,779 - OKAY, GREAT. OF COURSE. 39 00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:25,219 [upbeat rock music] 40 00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,888 - * HELP ME BABY 41 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,224 * IF YOU CAN 42 00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:32,660 * SOMETIMES IT'S MORE 43 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:35,596 * THAN I CAN STAND 44 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,232 * HELP ME BABY 45 00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:41,135 * IF YOU CAN 46 00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:42,770 * HELP ME 47 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:43,804 * AW YEAH 48 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,807 - WE ARE GOING TO INTRODUCE A WHOLE NEW GENERATION 49 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,542 OF DRINKERS TO SHERRY. 50 00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:50,778 SHERRY WON'T JUST BE FOR GRANDMA ANYMORE. 51 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,546 WELL, NOT MINE ANYWAY. SHE'S DEAD. 52 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:53,581 AND THANK GOD. 53 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,783 THE MONEY THAT WOMAN SPENT ON SWEDISH EROTICA. 54 00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,620 - UH, WE DO RECOMMEND THAT YOU UPDATE THE LOGO 55 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,189 OF YOUR TRADE ORGANIZATION, HOWEVER, 56 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,790 AS PART OF THE GENERAL OVERHAUL. 57 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,858 - ADVISABLE. 58 00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:05,859 - WELL, WONDERFUL, STEPHEN. 59 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:06,694 WE'LL REPORT TO THE REST OF THE SHERRY SOCIETY, 60 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,696 AND LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU ALL 61 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,231 AT THE LAUNCH EVENT THIS WEEKEND. 62 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,699 - GREAT. - HEAR, HEAR. 63 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:12,700 - THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 64 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:13,534 - GENTLEMEN. 65 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:14,735 - SO, WE HITTIN' THE BARS TONIGHT? 66 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:15,803 WE GONNA TEAR IT UP? 67 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,771 - IF YOU CONSIDER DOING MARKET RESEARCH SURVEYS 68 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:18,806 TEARING IT UP, THEN SURE. 69 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,841 - NO REASON TWO SINGLE GUYS CAN'T MIX BUSINESS 70 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,510 WITH A LITTLE BOOM-BOOM IN THE ZOOM-ZOOM. 71 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:23,511 AM I RIGHT? 72 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,545 - UH, NOT USUALLY. NO 73 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,514 WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? 74 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:27,781 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 75 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,850 - CASUAL INQUIRY INTO YOUR EVENING PLANS? 76 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,385 - I'M SORRY. 77 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:33,554 I'M NOT TURNING INTO A SHUT-IN, AM I? 78 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:34,955 I'M NOT GONNA DIE ALONE IN MY APARTMENT 79 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,558 WITH CATS EATING MY FACE? 80 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:38,626 - NO, NO, NO. 81 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,693 - OKAY. 82 00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:40,794 - YOU DON'T HAVE CATS. 83 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:41,829 - THANK YOU. 84 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:50,504 EMMA. HEY. HOW'S IT GOIN'? 85 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:51,739 WHASSUP? 86 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,641 - AN UNCOMFORTABLY FORCED CASUAL GREETING. 87 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:54,775 AM I GETTING FIRED? 88 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:55,943 - NO! - ARE YOU? 89 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:56,944 IS THE JOB OPEN? 90 00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:57,945 AM I BEING CONSIDERED? 91 00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,680 - NO, I JUST--I'M JUST-- 92 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,715 I'M JUST CHECKIN' IN. 93 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,817 - HEY, DO YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU WOULD ALWAYS INVITE ME 94 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:04,952 TO GO OUT WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS? 95 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,421 - YEAH, YOU WERE ALWAYS TOO BUSY. 96 00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:08,856 - YEAH, THAT WAS A REALLY BUSY PERIOD. 97 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:12,326 BUT T-THAT TIME HAS PASSED, SO I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD 98 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,894 GO OUT TOGETHER SOMETIME? 99 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:15,696 - AWESOME. UH, WHAT ABOUT TONIGHT? 100 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,365 MY FRIENDS AND I ARE MEETING AT PRETENTIA. 101 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,566 IT'S IRONICALLY SELF-AWARE. 102 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:19,700 - I'LL BE THERE. WHAT TIME? 103 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:20,801 - NORMAL TIME, LIKE 11:00. 104 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,436 - 11:00? 105 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:23,437 - I KNOW IT'S EARLY, BUT IF YOU GET THERE TOO LATE, 106 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:25,473 THERE'S A LINE. 107 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,508 - GREAT! I CAN'T WAIT. 108 00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,613 - SO, ON WHAT OCCASION DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT 109 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:33,747 ORDER A GLASS OF SHERRY? 110 00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:34,748 - I DON'T KNOW. 111 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:35,916 MAY--MAYBE IF I WAS ON A BOAT. 112 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,751 - OKAY. 113 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,853 UM, WHY A BOAT? 114 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:40,854 - I DON'T KNOW. 115 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,424 MAYBE SHERRY'S ALL THEY HAVE? 116 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,625 MAYBE IT'S A SHERRY BOAT. 117 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,860 I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M GIVING ALL THIS INFORMATION FOR FREE. 118 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,929 - IN CASE YOU DIDN'T CATCH THAT, THAT GUY'S WEIRD. 119 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,465 AND YET, HE HAS A SUPER-HOT GIRLFRIEND. 120 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,567 - IS SHE, LIKE, STORED IN PARTS IN HIS FREEZER? 121 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,436 - [laughs] WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING? 122 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,437 - WHAT ARE YOU POURING? 123 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,671 - WHATEVER YOU'RE HAVING. 124 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,373 - YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS BANTER, BUT I EVENTUALLY HAVE TO ORDER, 125 00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,441 DON'T IT? 126 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,443 I'LL JUST HAVE A BEER. - OKAY. 127 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:03,611 [bar girls giggling] 128 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:04,545 - ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, 129 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,681 HOW WOULD YOU RATE THE APPEAL OF SHERRY? 130 00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,049 - I'D GIVE IT, LIKE, A THREE? 131 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,684 - OH, REALLY? I'D GIVE YOU BOTH TENS. 132 00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,420 [both giggle] - ALL RIGHT, HOW WOULD YOU RATE 133 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:13,454 THE APPEAL OF ME IN THIS SHIRT? 134 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:14,622 [both laugh] 135 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:15,589 - WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? 136 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,391 - WOULD YOU LIKE MORE BANTER WITH YOUR BEER? 137 00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:18,692 - ACTUALLY, I WOULD LOVE TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS 138 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:19,693 ABOUT SHERRY. 139 00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,329 - OKAY. - ALL RIGHT. 140 00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:22,496 WHAT IS YOUR NAME? - [laughs] 141 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:23,764 WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH SHERRY? 142 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,466 - OH, YOU'LL SEE. 143 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:26,634 I'M GOING TO TIE IT ALL IN VERY ARTFULLY BY THE END. 144 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,636 - I'M GWEN. - I'M ALEX. 145 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:32,406 - I'D RATE YOU AN 11, BUT THEY ONLY LET US GO TO 10. 146 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,907 - ANYWAYS, AFTER A YEAR IN ITALY, 147 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,477 ALL OF THE CHERUB PAINTINGS STARTED TO BLUR INTO THIS, LIKE, 148 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:37,545 PINK STEW. 149 00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,447 SO I SWITCHED MY DISSERTATION TO CONCEPTUAL ART. 150 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,449 - SO NOW YOU'RE WRITING ABOUT SOME GUY WHO JUST MADE 151 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,517 A GIANT SANDWICH OUT OF LINT? 152 00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:45,553 - ACTUALLY, IT'S A GIANT MOUTH OUT OF GUM. 153 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,521 - I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE SERIOUS OR NOT. 154 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:50,924 - I CAN'T EITHER. - [laughs] 155 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,526 HEY! HOW MANY'D YOU GET? 156 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,062 - SIX PHONE NUMBERS, ONE DINNER DATE, 157 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:58,098 AND AN INVITATION TO DRY HUMP IN THE ALLEY. 158 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,700 25, IF YOU MEANT SURVEYS. 159 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,602 - DID YOU REALLY GET SIX NUMBERS? 160 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:02,603 HOW DO YOU DO THAT? 161 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,505 - I USE A SIMPLE MNEMONIC: 162 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:05,706 ALPHA. MALE. 163 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:06,707 ALPHA: 164 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,041 ALWAYS BE CONFIDENT. 165 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,410 LOVE YOURSELF. 166 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,011 PROJECT CONFIDENCE. 167 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,446 HAVE CONFIDENCE. 168 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,814 ALWAYS BE CONFIDENT. 169 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,416 MALE: 170 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,417 MAKE YOURSELF CONFIDENT. 171 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,418 - I--I GET IT. I GET IT. 172 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:18,819 AND, UH, THIS WORKS FOR YOU? 173 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:19,887 - CHICKS DON'T WANT A GUY WHO'S ALL, 174 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,955 [nerdy] "I READ AN ARTICLE IN THE NEW YORKER, 175 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,491 AND IT REALLY SHED SOME LIGHT." 176 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,825 BLEH! 177 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,394 THEY WANT A HIT-AND-RUN, DUDE. A SHARK ATTACK. 178 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:27,461 JUST, BAM! 179 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:28,929 EXCUSE ME. 180 00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:31,365 - HE'S RIGHT, WHAT IS SEXIER THAN A SHARK ATTACK? 181 00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:32,366 - EVERYTHING? 182 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,101 IS IT 11:00 ALREADY? 183 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,370 I STILL HAVE THREE HOURS OF WORK LEFT TO DO. 184 00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:39,473 AND, IN OTHER NEWS, I'M--I'M VERY LAME. 185 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:43,411 UM, WELL, MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU AT THE SHERRY LAUNCH EVENT 186 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:44,445 THIS WEEKEND? 187 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,113 - I'LL BE HERE. - NICE TO MEET YA. 188 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:47,448 - NICE TO MEET YOU. 189 00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:48,482 - TAKE CARE. 190 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,153 - WHAT? I-I HID IN THE WIZARD HUT 191 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,121 AND WENT TO GO GET SOME SNACKS. 192 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,457 JUST HAVE KROJAR KILL THE SHAMBLING MOUND 193 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:57,458 WITH HIS TRIDENT! 194 00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:58,459 - GREGG? 195 00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,060 - HEY! 196 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,995 HI. 197 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:02,996 ONE SEC. [headset beeps] 198 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:03,797 HEY. 199 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,165 - ON YOUR WAY TO SEE THE SULTAN? 200 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:05,999 OR IS IT HAMMER TIME? 201 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,868 - YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE COMFORTABLE, 202 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,169 AND THEY LET THINGS MOVE AND BREATHE DOWN THERE. 203 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,170 - I DON'T NEED TO KNOW. 204 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,772 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 205 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,507 - LOOK, A FEW NIGHTS A WEEK I SAY I'M WORKING LATE 206 00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:14,775 SO I CAN HAVE SOME PRIVATE TIME, OKAY? 207 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,744 NO BOSS, NO WIFE, NO KIDS. 208 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,178 I CAN WEAR WHAT I WANT, I EAT WHAT I WANT, 209 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,814 AND I PLAY LORDS OF LORE. 210 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:21,982 WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING HERE? 211 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,752 - I AM WAITING TO MEET EMMA AND HER FRIENDS AT A BAR. 212 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,153 AT 11:00. WHAT AM I DOING? 213 00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:27,154 I SHOULD JUST GO HOME. 214 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,122 - NO, NO. 215 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:32,025 YOU KNOW WHAT I'D GIVE TO GO OUT? 216 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,093 I MET MY WIFE WHEN I WAS 18. 217 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,929 I'VE NEVER DANCED ON A BAR, OR DONE SHOT RACES, 218 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,098 OR THREW UP OUT A CAR WINDOW. 219 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,767 WELL, I MEAN, I HAVE, BUT NOT THE FUN WAY. 220 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,202 GO. AND DANCE AND PARTY. 221 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,172 MAYBE EXPERIMENT WITH ANOTHER GIRL IN THE BATHROOM. 222 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,406 GO! 223 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,044 - OH, IT WAS SO GREAT. 224 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,046 WE LAUGHED, WE TALKED, WE DRANK. 225 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,915 WE DRANK SOME MORE. 226 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,784 - HOW WAS THE CROWD? I MEAN, WAS THERE DANCING? 227 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:57,885 DO PEOPLE STILL CRUNK? 228 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,053 OR IS IT MOSTLY LIKE A RAVE STYLE? 229 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,889 - I DON'T KNOW, I MOSTLY DID LIKE-- 230 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:02,890 LIKE A FREESTYLE THING. 231 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,024 - THAT WAS MY STYLE! 232 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:07,027 - I ALSO DID AN OPERATIC VERSION OF A LIL' WAYNE SONG. 233 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,061 - THERE WAS KARAOKE? 234 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,062 - NO. 235 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,964 - MORNING, PARTY BUDDY. - HEY. 236 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:14,001 SORRY IF MY "HEY" DOESN'T COME WITH AN EXCLAMATION POINT, 237 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,002 I'M A LITTLE HUNGOVER. 238 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:15,869 - UGH, ME TOO. 239 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:16,937 MY GOD, YOUR FRIENDS ARE SUCH A HOOT. 240 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,873 I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THAT BAND TONIGHT WITH YOU GUYS. 241 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,842 - OH, YOU'RE COMING? - MMM. 242 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,744 - I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED FUNKTRONICA. 243 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,012 - I WILL. 244 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,814 ONCE I GOOGLE WHAT IT IS. 245 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,616 UGH. - HEY. 246 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:29,683 - MMM. 247 00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,719 MAN, I AM SO HUNGOVER. 248 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,687 AT LEAST I WON'T BE DYING ALONE IN MY APARTMENT 249 00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:34,855 BEING EATEN BY CATS. 250 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,090 - NO, YOU'LL BE DYING DRUNK IN AN ALLEY EATEN BY CATS. 251 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,592 CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT. 252 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:40,561 - I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE MORE EXCITED FOR ME. 253 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:41,795 I'M GETTING BACK OUT THERE. 254 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,163 IT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL. - I AM. I'M SORRY. 255 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,765 IT'S JUST YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY WHO HAD A GOOD NIGHT. 256 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:45,699 - HMM? 257 00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,968 - I MET THIS UNBELIEVABLE WOMAN AT THE BAR. 258 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,903 SO PRETTY, AND FUNNY, AND SMART. 259 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,606 JUST ONE OF THOSE INSTANT CHEMISTRY THINGS. 260 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,141 YOU KNOW? 261 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,776 I'M SORRY, IS--IS THIS UNCOMFORTABLE? 262 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,878 I--I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST THE WHOLE JEALOUSY THING. 263 00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,012 - NO, IT'S JUST THAT THIS WOULD BE THE PLACE 264 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,247 IN A MOVIE TRAILER WHERE I WOULD DECIDE 265 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,481 NOT TO SEE THE MOVIE, BUT CONTINUE. 266 00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:04,785 - THIS GIRL GWEN AND I, WE JUST REALLY HIT IT OFF, YOU KNOW? 267 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,854 - GWEN? HOW GWEAT. 268 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,055 - WE JUST FELL INTO THIS RHYTHM IMMEDIATELY. 269 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,056 IT'S LIKE WE WERE FINISHING EACH OTHER'S-- 270 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,725 - FUN BAGS? 271 00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:12,793 TALKIN' ABOUT THE BARTENDER FROM LAST NIGHT? 272 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,861 BANGIN' BODY, RIGHT? 273 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:14,962 TOTALLY INTO ME. 274 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:15,996 GAVE ME HER NUMBER. 275 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:19,600 I'M GONNA * HIT THAT 276 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:20,601 OH! 277 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,035 SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE NICE. 278 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,608 - UGH, NOT SO GWEAT. 279 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,716 - IT'S JUST NOT POSSIBLE, OKAY? 280 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,651 NO. THERE'S NO WAY THAT GWEN PREFERRED DAN TO ME. 281 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:38,886 I'M SORR-- WELL, I'M NOT AN ARROGANT MAN, 282 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,554 BUT I'M A DECENT CATCH, RIGHT? 283 00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,690 I MEAN, SHE GAVE DAN HER NUMBER? 284 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:43,557 DAN? 285 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,325 THE GUY HAS A TATTOO THAT SAYS "DAN." 286 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,560 - WELL, SHE SAID YOU WERE NICE. 287 00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:48,562 SO MAYBE YOU WERE TOO NICE? 288 00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:49,830 - HOW IS BEING NICE A PROBLEM? 289 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,765 NICE IS GOOD, RIGHT? NICE IS NICE. 290 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:52,900 - NICE IS THE KISS OF DEATH. 291 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,267 NICE MEANS WOMEN WILL WALK ALL OVER YOU, 292 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,202 AND NOT IN THE GOOD WAY. 293 00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,971 YOU KNOW, IN STILETTOS ON YOUR NAKED TORSO. 294 00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,908 LET ME TELL YOU WHAT MY FATHER TOLD ME IN A MOMENT OF LUCIDITY. 295 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:03,711 WOMEN ARE LIKE A SIMPLE VILLAGE IN GAUL JUST WAITING 296 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,946 FOR THE ROMANS TO SWEEP IN AND LAY AQUEDUCTS 297 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,180 WITH THEIR TANGLED THATCH. 298 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,849 - WHAT? 299 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,652 - UH, HE'S SAYING SOME WOMEN WANT A MAN WHO TAKES CONTROL. 300 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:12,653 - IT'S TRUE. 301 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:13,721 - SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 302 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:14,788 WOMEN PREFER A MAN WHO JUST ORDERS THEM AROUND? 303 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,790 - NO AND YES. 304 00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:19,660 UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO EXPLAIN. 305 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:20,327 - BUT, JOHN CUSACK WITH THE-- 306 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,062 EXPLAIN THAT. 307 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,263 - MORE LIKE JOHN "NO-SACK," ALL RIGHT? 308 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,297 CUSACK'S A MYTH. 309 00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:25,332 TRUST ME, I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE. 310 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,835 STANDING OUTSIDE A GIRL'S WINDOW WITH A BOOM BOX 311 00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:31,304 ONLY RESULTS IN SOMEONE THROWING A CUP OF URINE ON YA. 312 00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:33,373 - SO, ALEX, IF YOU'RE NOT USING YOUR TESTICLES. 313 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,708 WHY NOT POP 'EM IN A PADDED ENVELOPE 314 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,677 AND POST 'EM TO SOMEONE WHO WILL? 315 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,345 FINALLY, DAN. 316 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,313 HOW'S OUR NEW SHERRY SOCIETY LOGO COMING ON? 317 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,349 - HIPPER THAN CRAP. 318 00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:45,218 BOOM, HUH? 319 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,353 THE LIGHTNING FONT WAS MY IDEA, YOU KNOW? 320 00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,321 LIKE HIGH ENERGY. ELECTRIC. 321 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:50,824 - NOPE. TRY AGAIN. 322 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,359 SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS GOOSESTEP-Y. 323 00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:54,828 - FINE. [phone chimes] 324 00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:55,663 HA! 325 00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,364 THAT SAUCY LITTLE BARTENDER TEXTED. 326 00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,366 WANTS ME TO MEET HER AFTER HER SHIFT. 327 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:00,367 GIVE IT UP! 328 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,234 - UNBELIEVABLE. 329 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,970 - DUDE. YOU MISSED IT. 330 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,972 - UGH. 331 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,239 - SHE'S TEXTING HIM. 332 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,307 I-I-IT'S BAFFLING. 333 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,242 - WELL, MAYBE THEY HAVE CHEMISTRY. 334 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,378 - NO, IT'S NOT POSSIBLE. YOU UNDERSTAND? 335 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,714 THEY'RE LIKE ARGON AND XENON. 336 00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,649 NOBLE GASES. THEY CAN'T BOND. 337 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:18,251 AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO TOOK HIGH SCHOOL CHEMISTRY? 338 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,789 LET'S SEE HERE, UM... 339 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:28,261 AH. LAST TIME, YOU SAID YOU WOULD HAVE SHERRY ON A BOAT. 340 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,797 WOULD YOU CARE TO ELABORATE ON THAT? 341 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,164 - NO, YOUR THING MUST BE WRONG. 342 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,133 I'D NEVER DRINK SHERRY ON A BOAT. 343 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,102 - ARE YOU SURE? YOU SAID A BOAT. 344 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,103 - NOPE. 345 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,104 - ALEX? 346 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,171 - WELL, HEY. HOW YA DOIN'? 347 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,206 I'M JUST HERE DOING A LITTLE, UH, 348 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,373 LITTLE SHERRY FOLLOW-UP. 349 00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,009 - WELL, I'M OVER THERE WITH DAN, 350 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,276 IF YOU WANT TO JOIN US WHEN YOU'RE ALL FINISHED. 351 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,312 - UH, MAYBE LIKE AN OLD-TIMEY TRAIN. 352 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,047 - GOD, THANK YOU. WE'RE--WE'RE DONE HERE. 353 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,017 UM, YOU'RE SURE I, UH, WON'T BE INTRUDING? 354 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,018 - NO, NOT AT ALL. 355 00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,219 NO, I'M GLAD YOU CAME BY. 356 00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:53,220 - OH, YEAH? - YEAH. 357 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:54,354 - ME TOO. I REALLY-- 358 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:55,989 I TELL YA, I REALLY ENJOYED TALKING THE OTHER NIGHT. 359 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,891 - ME TOO. YOU ARE VERY COOL. 360 00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,059 - OH. YOU TOO. 361 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,961 - AND THAT'S WHY I WANT YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND, LESLIE. 362 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:01,962 - HI! [laughs] 363 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,163 LESLIE. 364 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,197 - HI. 365 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,133 - DUDE, SHE IS HI-LARIOUS. 366 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,168 - BAH! [all laugh] 367 00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,905 - OH, I DON'T KNOW, THE TATE IS PROBABLY THE BEST I EVER SAW. 368 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:12,940 - MMM. 369 00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,175 MY FAVORITE IS THE UFFIZI IN FLORENCE. 370 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,377 - YOU KNOW, IN HIGH SCHOOL, FLORENCE SHOWED ME HER UFFIZI 371 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,378 UNDER THE BLEACHERS. 372 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:21,048 - [laughs] 373 00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,851 - IT'S A MUSEUM. 374 00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,185 - DID YOU KNOW THAT, UH, GWEN WAS GOING 375 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,854 FOR HER PhD IN ART HISTORY? 376 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:27,988 - I DID NOT. 377 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,022 - WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN TALKING ABOUT THEN? 378 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,925 MUTUAL INTERESTS? COMMON BELIEF SYSTEMS, WHAT? 379 00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:34,094 - ACTUALLY, DAN WAS TELLING ME ABOUT THIS DREAM HE HAD-- 380 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,062 - OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 381 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,364 SO I'M WORKING OUT, BUT INSTEAD OF MY HEAD, 382 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,932 IT'S A HAM. 383 00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,868 - A HAM? 384 00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,936 A-AND YOU FOUND THAT TO BE INTERESTING? 385 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,237 - I DON'T KNOW. YEAH. 386 00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,806 - I THOUGHT I WAS THE HAM AROUND HERE? 387 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:46,774 [both laugh] 388 00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,976 - LESLIE, DO THAT BIT YOU DO IN YOUR ACT. 389 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:49,977 - OH, NO. 390 00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,011 - NO, NO. SHE DOES STAND-UP. 391 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,012 IT'S AWESOME. 392 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,213 - OKAY. 393 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,982 IT'S LIKE, YOU'RE SLEEPING ON A SUNDAY, 394 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,349 AND ALL OF A SUDDEN IT'S LIKE, 395 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,386 [imitating car alarm] 396 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,862 IT'S LIKE, "OKAY, CAR, WE GET IT." 397 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:09,863 BUT THE CAR'S LIKE, 398 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:12,532 [imitating car alarm] 399 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,936 - RIGHT, OKAY. 400 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:16,937 - THERE'S A CAR IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD 401 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:17,938 THAT'S EXACTLY LIKE THAT. 402 00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,539 - [forced laugh] 403 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,843 - ALL RIGHT. GWEN, WE'RE GOIN' DANCIN'. 404 00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,011 [imitating car alarm] 405 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,851 - DON'T GET ME STARTED ABOUT CATS STUCK IN THINGS. 406 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,253 [meowing] 407 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,955 - NO, NO. THEY--THEY MAKE THAT NOISE. 408 00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:36,023 YEAH, YEAH. 409 00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:40,227 SHE LEFT WITH HIM. IT MAKES NO SENSE. 410 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,228 - OUCH. 411 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,229 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T CARE. 412 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,864 I'M NOT GIVING UP. NO WAY. 413 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,800 - OH, SO YOU'RE GONNA GO MANO-A-MANO WITH DAN FOR A GIRL? 414 00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,001 - YES, TO RESTORE THE COSMIC ORDER. 415 00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:49,402 - [scoffs] 416 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,938 - LESLIE AND DAN BELONG TOGETHER, OKAY? 417 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,539 GWEN AND I HAVE EVERYTHING IN COMMON. 418 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:53,540 YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT. 419 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:54,875 NO MORE MR. NICE GUY. 420 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:55,742 I DON'T CARE. 421 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:56,576 I'M TAKING CONTROL HERE. I'M GONNA WIN. 422 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,146 I'M GONNA BE LIKE A MAN...WINNING. 423 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,114 - OH, HEY, MAN. 424 00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,150 LOOK, SORRY WE CUT OUT ON YA LAST NIGHT TO GO DANCING, 425 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:07,220 BUT, I'LL TELL YA THOUGH, THAT GWEN HAS MOVES! 426 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,221 - SO DO I. 427 00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,257 - WHAT-- 428 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,927 - SO? LAST NIGHT? THINGS GET WILD? 429 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,028 - OHH, LET ME TELL YOU. 430 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:15,863 - THINGS DID. 431 00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:18,598 - THERE WAS A KAMIKAZE SHOT RACE. 432 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,033 - YES! - YES. 433 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:21,468 - I TRIED TO PUNCH A BARTENDER. 434 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,535 - OH, IT'S FINE. 435 00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,104 I GAVE HIM 50 BUCKS NOT TO SMASH MY WINDSHIELD. 436 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,038 - OH, GOD. 437 00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:27,540 I MADE OUT WITH A HIPSTER IN A WOOLY CAP. 438 00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,476 - RANDOM STRANGER MAKEOUT. 439 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,510 ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT. 440 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:31,879 - OH, HE WAS CUTE. 441 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:32,913 WISH I'D GOTTEN HIS NAME. 442 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,447 - OH, IT'S TODD. - MMM! 443 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,083 - JENNY'S BOYFRIEND. 444 00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,584 OH, NOW EX-BOYFRIEND. 445 00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,920 - WHAT A JERK. 446 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:40,820 WELL, IF IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE, 447 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:42,522 UH, HE REALLY WAS NOT THAT INTERESTING 448 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:45,358 ONCE YOU GOT PAST HIS BODY. 449 00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:46,459 SUPER-PSYCHED ABOUT TOMORROW'S PARTY, 450 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,328 PARTY BUDDY. 451 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:49,329 - ALSO PSYCHED, 452 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,864 PARTY BUDDY. 453 00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,632 - WOO! - [laughs] 454 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,468 HELEN IS PSYCHOTIC. END THIS. 455 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,603 - WHAT? END WHAT? 456 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:57,604 - YOU KNOW, I WAS EXCITED TO HANG OUT 457 00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:59,940 WITH THE ONLY EXECUTIVE HERE I THINK IS COOL, 458 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,609 BUT SHE DRINKS TOO MUCH, SHE WANTS TO STAY OUT ALL NIGHT, 459 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,477 OH, AND, SHE OVERSHARES. 460 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,346 HER BENIGN UTERINE FIBROID 461 00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,381 DOES NOT SPARKLING CONVERSATION MAKE. 462 00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:09,482 - I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE HAVING A FUN TIME? 463 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,884 - SHE'S MY BOSS! 464 00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,385 - WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? 465 00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:13,386 - I DON'T KNOW. THINK OF SOMETHING. 466 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,422 TELL HER I HAVE SOME CONTAGIOUS SKIN DISEASE. 467 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:16,423 [sighs] SHE'LL NEVER BELIEVE THAT. 468 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,524 MY SKIN'S FLAWLESS. 469 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:18,491 COME UP WITH SOMETHING, 470 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,493 OR I TELL STEPHEN THAT YOU SHAVE YOUR BACK 471 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,329 IN HIS PRIVATE BATHROOM AT NIGHT. 472 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,900 - I JUST REALLY FEEL LIKE HER JOB PERFORMANCE IS SUFFERING. 473 00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:28,435 I MEAN, YESTERDAY, SHE WAS SO TIRED 474 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,537 THAT I SAW HER TRYING TO FAX A POST-IT. 475 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,671 [laughs] SO, I MEAN, 476 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:35,375 MAYBE YOU COULD COOL IT WITH THE SOCIALIZING WITH EMMA? 477 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,376 - UH-HUH. 478 00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,411 - BE--SO SHE CAN, YOU KNOW-- 479 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,413 - WORK MORE EFFICIENTLY? 480 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,482 - EXACTLY. 481 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:43,917 - DID EMMA PUT YOU UP TO THIS? 482 00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:45,385 - NO. 483 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,653 NO! 484 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:49,389 YES. 485 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,223 YOU'RE HER BOSS. 486 00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:52,492 - YEAH, I'M ALSO HER SUPER-FUN FRIEND. 487 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:53,626 AREN'T I? 488 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,263 - YOU'RE TOO FUN. 489 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:57,264 THERE. I'M SORRY. 490 00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:59,399 I SAID IT. 491 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,668 - THAT MEANS I'M NOT FUN. - NO! 492 00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:02,936 IT MEANS THAT YOU'RE SO MUCH FUN, 493 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,204 IT'S MORE THAN ANYONE CAN-- 494 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,572 - FINE! SHE'S OUT. 495 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,640 YOU'RE GONNA BE MY DATE TO THE SHERRY LAUNCH. 496 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,476 - SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. 497 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,411 - SO LACE UP YOUR SHOES, GET YOUR GLOVE, 498 00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,545 GRAB YOUR BALL, AND GET IN THE GAME! 499 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,148 - YEAH. BOWLING METAPHOR. 500 00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:17,150 - I WAS DOING A BASEBALL ONE. 501 00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:19,619 - YES, BASEBALL METAPHOR. 502 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:24,391 - EMMA, I CAN SEE YOU! 503 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,430 [club music] 504 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,200 - THE WEB RELEASES WENT OUT, 505 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:34,501 THE PRESS IS HERE, 506 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,136 THE PHOTOGRAPHER'S ASKING WHEN SHE CAN GET A-- 507 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,605 A FAUX-CANDID SHOT OF JOHN MAYER 508 00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:41,508 OR SOME OTHER FAMOUS TALENTLESS PERSON DRINKING SHERRY. 509 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,176 - WELL, I-- THAT'S A HELEN QUESTION, 510 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:44,111 I DON'T KNOW. 511 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,578 - UH, WELL, APPARENTLY, HELEN IS TOO BUSY 512 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,581 TO ANSWER MY QUESTION. 513 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,617 - SHERRY BOMBS AWAY! 514 00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,652 [all cheer] - WOO! 515 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:58,125 WOO! 516 00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,559 - WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING? 517 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,529 - OVERCOMPENSATING FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS. 518 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,501 OR SHE IS THE GREATEST PARTIER OF ALL TIME, I DON'T KNOW. 519 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,172 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, 520 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,141 THERE'S A WOMAN OVER THERE WAITING TO BE OVERWHELMED 521 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:18,978 BY MY...OPPOSITE OF NICENESS. 522 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,515 - W-W-WAIT, WAIT. WHERE YOU GOIN'? 523 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:23,516 - GOIN' TO TALK TO GWEN. 524 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:24,517 - OH, NO, NO ,NO. 525 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:25,485 - [laughs] WAIT. 526 00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,020 ARE YOU GOING TO TALK TO GWEN? 527 00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:29,056 - UH, MAYBE. YEAH. 528 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,423 - DUDE, NO OFFENSE, BUT SHE'S NOT YOUR SPEED. 529 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,225 - WELL, NOW HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY SPEED IS? 530 00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:33,226 MAYBE I'M A FERRARI. 531 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:34,227 MAYBE I'M A LEAR JET. 532 00:16:34,261 --> 00:16:36,263 MAYBE I'M A...A-A PRONGHORN. 533 00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,332 IT'S A VERY FAST ANTELOPE. 534 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,333 - WHATEVER. 535 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:41,168 - DON'T YOU HAVE A JOB TO DO? 536 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,370 GO GET JOHN MAYER A SHERRY-GATINI, 537 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:44,304 OR A SHERRY-COLADA, 538 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,506 OR WHATEVER IT IS WE'RE DOING HERE. GO. 539 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,512 - NO. TO FREAK DANCE, YOU NEED TO GO DOWN LIKE THIS-- 540 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,314 AND THEN YOU COME UP LIKE THIS-- 541 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,083 AND THEN I GO LIKE THIS-- 542 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,317 OKAY? - WHOA, OKAY, YEAH. 543 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,119 GREGG, WHY DON'T WE TAKE A BREATHER? 544 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:01,388 - NO! WE CAN BREATHE WHEN WE'RE DEAD. 545 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:03,390 - NO! WE CAN'T! 546 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,664 - HEY, ALEX. 547 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:12,532 CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING? 548 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,134 - ACTUALLY, I'LL TAKE A SCOTCH ROCKS 549 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,402 AND, UH, YOUR PHONE NUMBER. 550 00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:17,370 - YOU WANT MY PHONE NUMBER? 551 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,172 - YEAH, RIGHT HERE ON THIS NAPKIN, PLEASE. 552 00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,006 HERE'S A PEN. 553 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,174 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU HAVE A PEN. 554 00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,342 USE YOUR OWN DAMN PEN. 555 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,476 I'M SORRY IF THAT'S NOT VERY NI-- 556 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,677 ACTUALLY, NO, I'M NOT SORRY. 557 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,779 SORRY. 558 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,115 WHOA, WHOA. I'M TALKING. 559 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,316 WHAT'S OVER THERE? - IT'S JUST DAN. 560 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:30,850 HE HASN'T SAID HELLO TO ME ALL NIGHT. 561 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,120 - AH, HE'S PROBABLY PLAYING HIS LITTLE HEAD GAMES WITH YOU. 562 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,354 - UH, I'M NOT INTO THAT. 563 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,256 - OH, I THINK YOU LIKE HEAD GAMES. 564 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:39,226 I THINK YOU LIKE PRETENDING THAT YOU DON'T. 565 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,693 - AND WHAT ELSE DO I LIKE? 566 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:41,761 - I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU LIKE. 567 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,263 YOU LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT YOU LIKE 568 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,697 BY A MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU WANT, 569 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:45,732 AND WHAT HE WANTS. 570 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:46,833 AND I WANT YOU, GWEN, 571 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:49,769 AND I MEAN RIGHT NOW. 572 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:53,106 - WANNA GO MAKE OUT? 573 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,143 - OKAY, YEAH. 574 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:57,344 NOW? - MM-HMM. 575 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:02,849 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER HERE? 576 00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:04,351 - HIDING FROM GREGG. 577 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,219 LAST TIME I CHECKED, HE WAS DANCING ON THE BAR 578 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:07,120 IN HIS BOXERS. 579 00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:07,920 - OH, WELL YOU MIGHT WANT TO STAY HERE, 580 00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:11,224 BECAUSE THE BOXERS HAVE GONE AWOL. 581 00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:13,226 - EMMA, I'M SO SORRY. 582 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,628 I NOW UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE RUN RAGGED 583 00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:18,498 BY A NEEDY RECLUSE WHO FINALLY GETS A NIGHT OUT. 584 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:19,832 - IT'S OKAY. 585 00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,869 I MEAN, I'M SURE I'M NOT ALWAYS THE BEST COMPANION. 586 00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:24,671 ALTHOUGH I PROBABLY AM. 587 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,173 - LOOK, I KNOW WE DON'T HAVE MUCH IN COMMON, 588 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,175 SO I-IT'S FINE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT. 589 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,677 I'LL BE RELIEVED TO GO BACK TO WATCHING HOARDERS. 590 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:31,678 - ARE YOU KIDDING? 591 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,613 I. LOVE. THAT. SHOW. 592 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,215 WAIT. PLEASE TELL ME YOU'VE SEEN INTERVENTION. 593 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,015 IT'S TOTAL DEPRAVITY! 594 00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:37,817 - UH, HELLO. SEASON PASS ON TIVO. 595 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,219 - [laughs] 596 00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,687 - WOO! 597 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:45,892 - ISN'T THIS HOT? 598 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,728 THIS IS SO HOT. - YEAH. 599 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,164 SHOULD WE MOVE AWAY FROM THE GARBAGE? 600 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,267 - WHO CARES? 601 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:55,702 - UH...UM... 602 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,605 SERIOUSLY, MAYBE WE SHOULD GO BACK TO MY PLACE, HUH? 603 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,807 - MAYBE WE SHOULD DO IT RIGHT HERE IN THE ALLEY. 604 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,875 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? 605 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,911 - UH... IT'S NOT WHAT NICE GUYS WANT. 606 00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,446 I KNOW THAT. 607 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,948 MOSTLY BECAUSE OF, UM, GARBAGE-RELATED ISSUES. 608 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,818 - TELL ME HOW BAD I AM. 609 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,421 CALL ME A... 610 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,456 - YOU ARE... 611 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,924 A WHAT YOU JUST SAID. 612 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,792 YOU REALLY ARE. 613 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:22,795 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WAIT. 614 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:23,830 I DON'T THINK I WANT YOU TO DO THAT. 615 00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:25,932 I MEAN, I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO DO THAT, BUT-- 616 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,600 BUT NOT HERE, LIKE THIS, IN AN ALLEY, 617 00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:28,968 WHERE WE BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER. 618 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,504 - WHAT HAPPENED TO "I WANT YOU NOW"? 619 00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,940 - I KNOW, I-I THINK THAT WAS JUST SOMETHING 620 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,609 I WAS TRYING OUT, BUT I JUST-- 621 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:39,346 I'M NOT A HUMP IN THE ALLEY KIND OF PERSON, I'M SORRY. 622 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,481 - OH, BUT I AM? 623 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,283 - WELL, YOU MUST BE ON SOME LEVEL. 624 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,285 I MEAN, UH, HERE WE ARE. 625 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:46,118 - BECAUSE I KIND OF LIKED YOU, 626 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,455 AND YOU WERE ALL "I WANT YOU NOW." 627 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,757 - I KNOW. I'M SORRY. 628 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:53,826 I WAS TRYING TO PROVE THAT I WASN'T TOO NICE. 629 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:57,764 - WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE NOT NICE AT ALL. 630 00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,766 - [sighs] 631 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,568 - HEY, WHAT'S UP? I BEEN LOOKIN' FOR YA. 632 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:02,669 - YOUR FRIEND'S A DOUCHE. 633 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,837 - [sighs] 634 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,506 - WHAT HAPPENED? 635 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,575 - UH, I MANIPULATED HER, I MADE OUT WITH HER, 636 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:09,842 AND THEN I ABRUPTLY REJECTED HER. 637 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,811 - DUDE, THAT'S AWESOME! 638 00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:15,515 - NO, NO. IT'S REALLY NOT, ACTUALLY. 639 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,484 - MAN... 640 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,585 YOU'RE TOO NICE. 641 00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:20,720 [car alarm sounds] 642 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,256 [laughs] OH, GOD, SHE KILLS ME. 643 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:24,691 - THAT'S AN ACTUAL CAR. YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? 644 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:32,599 - HOW DOES SHE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF? 645 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,800 - IF SHE KEEPS LYING ABOUT HER BULIMIA, 646 00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,568 SHE IS NEVER GONNA GET BETTER. 647 00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:36,469 [doorbell rings] 648 00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:39,439 - UGH, ANOTHER PACKAGE FOR MRS. CLAYPOOL. 649 00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:42,442 OH, YOU KNOW THAT CUPCAKE'S COMIN' BACK UP. 650 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,344 - AND THE SALAMI. 651 00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:45,712 - [sighs] 652 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,746 - HELEN RYAN? 653 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,315 - YEAH. 654 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,382 - WE'RE WITH CUSTOMS AND BORDER PROTECTION. 655 00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:51,284 WE'RE INVESTIGATING YOUR NEIGHBOR'S INVOLVEMENT 656 00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:54,354 IN THE ILLEGAL SMUGGLING OF PHARMACEUTICALS FROM CANADA. 657 00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:56,289 - WHAT? THAT WAS A SCAM? 658 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:58,358 - APPARENTLY, YOU SIGNED FOR THESE PACKAGES 659 00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,927 EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS. 660 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,028 WAIT A MINUTE. THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT. 661 00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:04,030 EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT? 662 00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,632 - WELL, THINGS ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT NOW. 663 00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:07,033 I USED TO WATCH HOARDERS BY MYSELF. 664 00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:09,035 NOW, I WATCH INTERVENTION WITH MY ASSISTANT. 665 00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:10,303 - AH. 666 00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,304 - HURRY UP, CRACKHEAD BOYFRIEND'S 667 00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:12,305 ABOUT TO PROPOSE! 668 00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:13,172 - OH, I'VE SEEN THIS ONE. 669 00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:15,074 HAVE YOU MET THE TOOTHLESS UNCLE YET? 670 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,043 - UH, SPOILER ALERT! 671 00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:20,279 - NO. 672 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,949 - SO BE IT. 46383

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