Original subtitles

Thank you.

Good morning, Bob. Good morning, Tattoo.

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

Ah, Mr. Andy Durant, a high school track coach from a small town in Vermont.

Why all the magazines?

Because the two Mr. Durant has fallen in love with a lovely model, Miss Pamela

Gentry. I'm sure those magazines are filled with her pictures.

She did a very popular champagne ad in 1893.

But he's in love with a 90 -year -old woman?

No, no, Tattoo. I'm afraid Miss Gentry passed away years ago.

Mr. Durant's fantasy is to meet Miss Gentry as she was at the height of her

beauty. But how are you going to do that?

By sending him to Victorian England, where not only Miss Gentry, but a great

danger awaits him.

Boss. Is not Angela Markham the famous movie star?

Movie star? Well, I'm not sure Miss Markham would agree with that

Tattoo. She prefers to think of herself as a serious actress.

You mean the Towing disaster is the serious movie?

Perhaps that's her problem, Tattoo. Miss Markham wants to change her image.

Her fantasy is to give a performance that Shakespeare himself would have been

proud of. In fact, she wishes to appear in one of William Shakespeare's original

Globe Theatre productions.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Mr. Durant, how did you happen to come across these pictures of me, Gentry? It

was weird. I was in the public library checking out some sports magazines, and

one of these fell off the shelf. I guess it had been misplaced.

I leaned down to pick it up, and there she was.

You mean you fell in love with a photograph?

Something clicked inside me when I saw her face. Something that said we belong

together.

But surely it would be far more practical to find a woman for whom you

care now, wouldn't it?

Mr. Rourke, I'm a track coach. Running is my specialty.

Unfortunately, it's also my problem. I can handle hard work, sweat, any amount

of physical pain.

But emotional relationships scare the legs right out from under me.

What makes you so sure you're not going to run when you see Miss Gently?

Because when I look at her picture, I feel confident.

With her, I think I could be the kind of man I always wanted to be.

And that's why I want this fantasy, Mr. Rourke. How do I meet her?

With this.

This is blank.

Only for the moment, I assure you. When you have need, one side will help you

find Miss Gentry, and the other side will introduce you to her.

I hope you say so.

What happens now?

Your fantasy, Mr. Durant, will begin when you light this candle.

However... We're a bit early, and timing is crucial in these matters.

Extremely crucial.

Tattoo and I will be back in exactly 30 minutes.

Relax until then, Mr. Durant.

Relax. Tattoo?

Relax? How am I supposed to relax?

What happened to the lights?

What's going on here?

Who's there?

As I'm sure you realize, Miss Mark, I mean, Shakespeare's day, women

on stage, well, it was simply unheard of.

All parts were played by men.

You mean... That's right, the two. The first, Juliet, probably had to shave

before the performance.

Mr. Rourke, I didn't get to where I am without a certain initiative.

I won't let anything stop me from fulfilling the fantasy.

Now, if you really can send me back to Shakespeare's time...

I'll take care of the rest.

Very well, Miss Markham, as you wish.

Will you have a seat, please?

Thank you.

Now, if you'll close your eyes.

Concentrate on 17th century England.

The costumes, the idiosyncrasies and customs of those days

of long ago.

Now, Master Shakespeare, we'll see about thy dallying with my wife.

I was there. Why am I back here?

How strange.

Perhaps there is a counter -current in the time stream.

Yes. Why don't you return to your bungalow while I work something out,

Markham? All right.

But if you don't pull this off, Mr. Rourke, after all your promises,

this, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

That's not Shakespeare.

No, it's Angela Markham.

Diana... Teresa.

Florence?

Who in the Queen's name art thou, wench?

Oh, no.

Oh, oh, oh.

Miss Markham, I believe I've found the problem. So have I, and he's in my bed.

Oh, is that who I think it is?

In the flesh, my friend.

Mr. Shakespeare, welcome to Fantasy Island.

As I was about to explain to Miss Markham, apparently we tuned in to Mr.

Shakespeare at a time of a life -and -death crisis.

The Earl of Norfolk was about to run his sword through Mr. Shakespeare's chest,

when naturally the bar's desire to escape was greater than your desire to

back, and since the connection was open at that precise moment... Presto. Here

he is.

I assure you, things like this don't happen very often. But since it has

happened... Little Ciara, this place here, be it heaven or hell?

Neither. Like the boss said, you are on fantasy island.

Be that perchance near Dover?

Miss Markham, may I suggest perhaps you could persuade him to write a scene

specifically for you.

For two?

Yes, boss.

Excuse me.

Well, we certainly could talk about it, couldn't we?

Do you mind if I call you Bill?

Excuse me, officer.

Mr.

Rourke. Am I glad to see you. Listen, I lit that candle. I ended up in some

weird wax museum.

Yes. I warned you about the need for proper timing, didn't I, Mr. Durant?

Had you waited 30 minutes, like you were supposed to, you would have ended up

here.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

By the way, where exactly is here?

London, England, the year 1893, precisely where Miss Gentry resided when

first began her career as an artist model.

Hey, terrific, Mr. Rourke. Terrific, terrific.

But that card you gave me to find her is still blank.

I suggest you look again.

Did you see that, Mr. Rourke?

To be transported.

or the gulfs of time to a land where fantasies are come true.

I mean, it's an age of marvels.

Unbounded.

And undraped.

Oh, come now. You're not wasting your creative energy on the same old much ado

about nothing.

Get it?

Ah, it would seem not.

What a wonderful turn of phrase.

Much ado about nothing.

I must need to remember that.

Um, tell me about this Lord Norfolk.

Ah, Norfolk.

That less than senseless thing who was sword at my heart was

nigh on to making a rather nasty point.

Why did he want to kill you?

To curry favor with our noble Queen Elizabeth by skewering me alive.

I thought, um, she was a patron of the theater.

Aye, it is true. It is so.

But... It is also true that I have written of her forebears in not the most

flattering of phrase.

She would not, I fear, shed many tears at my passing.

There is also the matter of the Earl's wife, an attractive and

lustful woman.

Bill, could we get our minds back as to why we're both here?

Let's make a bargain. You write a special scene just for me.

And I agree to keep you here safe from the Earl's sword in my fantasy.

Agreed?

Agreed.

Thou be not unattractive thyself, dear lady.

Well, thank you.

Now, um, about my scene?

Aye.

Where doth the hide lecture?

Shakespeare, what demons are thou in league with to transport me hither?

Elizabeth shall be most interested to hear of this after I run thee through.

In the name of decency, wench, get thee some clothes on thy body.

Shakespeare, where art thou?

I shall get thee thou peacock.

about ready.

It's her.

It's actually you. Are you the driver?

Driver? No.

My name is Andy Durant. I have a card.

Here.

A Mr. Rourke wrote to me about you. He said you were interested in helping me

with my career.

I expected someone more mature.

I really adore older men. They're so experienced and knowledgeable.

Is something wrong?

Absolutely not.

It's just that you're even more beautiful in person than in the

That must be Mr. Cregan's driver.

Miss Gentry, Mr. Cragen sent me to collect you.

Just one moment, please.

You can't go with him.

Well, of course I can.

He's taking me to an interview with Frederick Cragen, the famous sculptor.

Mr. Cragen wants me to pose for him.

Well, then I'm coming too.

Mr. Cragen expects to see Miss Gentry alone.

Mr.

Mr. Durant is my new manager.

And he always accompanies me on my interviews.

Yeah.

Haven't I seen you somewhere?

No, no. Don't think so. I don't get around much. You know, not like I used

Shall we go?

Why did Mistress Angela dispatch me here to view this?

For here it be.

It's a word processor.

Look. You punch those keys, and the letter appears right on the screen.

And you're writing.

Watch.

Thou wouldst process words as thou dost process cheese?

I cannot compose on this foul monstrosity.

Aye, foul.

It is foul indeed.

Speaking whereof, hast thou any goose -quill pens at hand, perchance?

Goose -quill?

Wait, I see what I can do.

Don't move, Bill.

Alas, always a deadline.

Are you with that Renaissance fair over there?

Uh, mercifully, no.

Tell me, my dear, how could one so fair and subtle as thou art are escorted in

this sensuous and tropical clime?

Bill, what do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be writing my scene.

Yeah. Remember our bargain? Well, I do.

Uh, dear lady, dear, dear Angela.

Mm.

The truth be...

That of late, I have been beset by troubles.

The truth is, I cannot write.

The words, they cometh not.

You mean you have writer's block?

Mm. Oh, no, this is it. Mr. Rock!

So real.

So lifelike.

Mr. Cregan is a true genius.

Maybe so.

He's got a strange taste in subject matter, don't you think?

Andy, be more respectful. Do you know what a job like this could do for my

career?

Mr.

Cregan.

even lovelier than I dared hope.

Welcome to Cragen Manor, Miss Gentry.

Oh, I'm very honored, Mr. Cragen. Your work is exquisite.

Mr. Cragen, I'm Miss Gentry's manager.

I don't bother with bookkeepers. You needn't have come.

I'm very generous to my models.

Let me give you a tour.

What do you think of it?

It's chilling.

It's terrifying, but beautiful.

That look of madness in her eyes.

It's almost pitiful.

You do understand.

So many people see only ugliness.

Jennifer!

I'm sorry, but I know that girl. It's Jennifer Payton, a friend of mine.

She was one of my best models.

Although her beauty is nothing compared to yours.

I think we've seen enough. And I think it's time to tell you that the fee for

Miss Gentry's services is $10 ,000.

Pounds.

Small sum for such beauty.

But sadly, much too high for a poor artist like myself.

I'm sure we can negotiate.

Absolutely not. Thank you very much. You don't have to show, sir.

Have you changed your mind about her?

Of course not.

I merely want to be rid of that fool with her.

Follow them discreetly.

Wait until he leaves her, then bring this gentry back to me.

You're such a beautiful imitation.

How unfortunate I had to destroy the original.

Tattoo. Tattoo.

Yes, Buck?

May I ask just what it is you're doing?

Bill wanted a goose quill pen to write, so I thought I'd... I see. Well, may I

suggest you visit the Fantasy Island gift shop?

I believe they carry goose quill pens as curiosities.

Okay,

Buck.

Mr. Rourke?

Mr. Rourke.

You've got to do something.

Here, Mr. Shakespeare just told me he has writer's block.

His whole fantasy is going up in flames. Indeed? Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Markham.

I just wanted to prove I'm a good actress.

That's all.

You know, I've spent 15 years making other people believe it.

All I want to do is prove it to myself.

You know?

Oh, I know, but I can't interfere in your fantasy. I'm sorry.

However... However?

However, I can tell you your fantasy will be successful, Miss Markham,

you remember that Mr. Shakespeare is a stranger in a strange land and that you

guard him against harm or accident at all times.

You mean I have to babysit William Shakespeare?

I'm afraid so.

All he thinks about is the member of the fair sex closest to him at any given

moment. She maketh a point.

The point, tattoo, is that if anything happens to Mr. William Shakespeare while

he's here on Fantasy Island, some of the greatest poetry and plays of all time

may never be written. And you, Miss Markham, may never get to act your

role.

Ah, my fair one. I would train immortalize thee in some

tender sonnet.

which I shall write for thee.

Later, if you wouldst be of mind to dally in some secluded bower.

So the dog is up to his old alley tricks, is he?

Damnation, Norfolk!

How canst thee here?

Sorcery, as thou know'st full well.

But I have vowed to make thee pay for thy trespasses, Blaggard, and so I

No longer shall thy obscene writings and habits corrupt defenseless women such

as my wife.

My dear Norfolk, thou hast read my words and yet seem uncorrupted. I am of

strong character and can resist thy evil influences.

And if more report, I am of the male gender.

What demonic

creature is this?

Have at thee!

Now!

Ha -ha!

Tis lame!

Now, tis thy turn.

What? Not yet dead?

Thou hast survived for the moment, Blaggard, through the wizardry of these

-garmented sorcerers, but only for the moment.

I shall seek thee out again.

Phil, are you all right?

Aye.

Thanks for thy timely intervention, Master Rourke.

Perhaps I shall stay here on this island.

Spin out all my days.

Mr. Shakespeare, you don't seem to understand. When Miss Markham's fantasy

tonight, so will you stay on Fantasy Island. You will return to your own

Oh, Master Rourke, I pray not.

With Norfolk's persuasions, the Queen will see my head taken from me. She has

said as much.

I'm sorry, but I...

Ten

thousand pounds, are you out of your mind?

I am starving to death and you'll lose me a chance to work.

Pamela, that was just a ploy to get you out of there. That guy Craig is a

weirdo. A weirdo? What's a weirdo?

Never mind.

The man is a genius.

He's a middle -aged creep.

He's elegant.

All I ever get from young men like you are indecent propositions. Now, just,

just get out of here.

This is my fantasy. I'm not leaving.

Fine.

Mr. Durant, I am going to sit here and read the evening paper.

If you are not out of here in two minutes, I'm calling a constable.

Andy, look at this.

Jennifer Payton of Wendon Lane has been missing for ten days. Please consider

foul play a definite possibility. This is the girl we saw at Cragen's. That was

her last job she was so excited about.

What do you know about Cragen, anyway?

Well, nothing, really. I mean, he's not an important artist yet, but definitely

a genius.

I'm just glad I got you out of there.

Andy.

Suddenly I'm frightened.

Look, there's nothing to be afraid of now.

Mr. Durant?

Mr. Durant, are you all right?

Somebody hit me from the rear. Why?

Where did she go? She wouldn't leave like that unless... Unless someone

her to go?

Yes.

Cragen, it had to be him or that ape Otto. Did you see anything?

No, I'm afraid not. I dropped by merely to see how your fantasy was progressing.

I saw only you unconscious on the floor and this curious substance on the carpet

by the door.

Wax? Cragen sculpts statues out of this. This must have stuck to his shoe.

He's kidnapped Pamela.

To be or not to be.

Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer

the slings and arrows of the Earl of Watsis.

Or to take arms against a sea

of trouble and by opposing

end them.

Dad, that's good.

We'll write that down.

Bill?

Pray enter, dear lady.

May one offer thee a bit of ale, though it be a mite thin?

No, thanks. I'll pass.

Ah, well, to the stiffener of one's courage.

if nothing else.

Then do something courageous.

Dear madam, I am a lover, a poet and a scribe and very little

of a warrior, alas.

Would you put that down?

If you don't care about the Earl Thord carving you into London broil, I do.

And to what does one owe this sudden concern, Mistress Angela?

Till now, all thou hast cared about has been thine own bloody self.

You're right.

That's all I cared about.

Because I thought if I didn't, nobody else would.

First I had to get where I wanted to be.

And then when I got there, I was terrified that I wouldn't stay after

Can be very selfish and self -involved. Well, I am somewhat of an actor myself,

dear lady.

I know of what thou speakest.

What, uh... What I'm trying to say is, uh... Well... Well, my problem doesn't

seem that large anymore, uh, not compared with yours.

After all, it was my fantasy that got you into this mess, and, uh...

I'd like to help you if I could.

You're not to be.

Aye.

It is something that didst occur to me on the spur of the moment.

You just thought of it?

Mayhaps I'll use it in a play I've had in mind of late.

Hamlet, Prince of Norway.

Denmark?

Aye, that could work.

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.

Bill, don't you know what's happened?

You've started writing again.

Look, forget about that thing you're going to write for me.

Perhaps, perhaps you could write something to placate the Earl.

Something pious?

Something about the Queen.

Her inflator ego, you know, a butter up, however you say it.

Oh,

talk about outrageous fortune.

Bill.

I offer you life everlasting and you wish to leave?

Why, you spiteful little wretch.

I'm going to make you immortal.

That's very nice, Mr. Cregan, but I really don't think I want to pose for

Pose?

Arco!

Lock her in. I must check the mixture.

The eve of my greatest creation has begun.

Otto.

What did he mean, his greatest creation?

Why, you.

Of course.

Excusez -moi.

Little one.

Thou art with that poltroon Shakespeare this afternoon. Thou shalt take me to

him forthwith.

Thou speak the English.

On the other

hand, Why don't you follow me?

Tattoo?

Tattoo, Shakespeare's writing again, but he's absolutely blitzed and I can't

wake him up. Could you... Oh, no, not the Earl.

Aye, the Earl. Now lead me to that scribbler Shakespeare, or I'll cut thy

friend's heart out and serve it on a plate to the dogs of the kennel.

Like do.

Prepare to die, thou drunken oaf.

My good lord.

Surely one of such noble birth shouldn't have to resort to base violence to

settle a dispute.

No?

Why not?

Come on, you think 20th century logic and a 16th century man.

In our time, men were violent and proud of it. In your time, men were violent

and ashamed of it.

What are you doing, Buster?

Listen, this is my bungalow. You put that thing down.

If you want violence, you're going to have to settle for a video game.

Out of my way, wench. Not another move, Novak.

Let this formidable weapon render thee into carnival confetti.

All right.

about you. Just a little lump on the head.

It's freezing in here.

Well, I found some wood and managed to make a fire. I don't think this

has been used for centuries.

Yeah, well, Craig doesn't strike me as the type who likes to curl up in front

a fire with a good book.

You know what you're right about, Mr. Craig, and he is insane.

He says he wants to make me immortal.

Look, forget about him.

We'll be out of here soon.

It's strange, but I feel so safe with you.

When I met you, when you first came to the door of my flat, I was feeling like

such an awful failure.

I thought that nobody in the world cared about me.

I care.

I have ever since I saw that first picture of you.

Big is no artist.

He murders people and preserves their bodies in wax.

Quite right, Mr. Durant.

But you're very wrong in saying that I'm not an artist.

Because of my talents, you are both going to live forever.

Otto.

Oh, I can protect Mr. Shakespeare while he's here on Fantasy Island, Miss

Markham. But once he and the Earl return to their own time, there's nothing I

can do.

Well, then we're going to have to convince the Earl not to kill him.

But how?

Do I need to remind you that you are an actress?

And what actress doesn't dream of doing Shakespeare?

And of choosing her own role?

Think about it, Miss Markham.

Watch him. Watch him.

Watch him.

Let me like so.

Defend thyself.

Now, thou diest seducer, purveyor of obscenity.

Good,

that which is obscene lies in thy heart, Norfolk, not in my words.

Repent thy precious words, and mayhap I shall let thee live.

Death cannot change that which is true and just.

Now prepare to die,

Master Shakespeare.

Make way!

Thou forgotten how to show respect to thy queen, Lord Norfolk?

Forgive me, my queen.

I simply have never been graced with thy presence before, having seen thee but

from afar.

But tell me, my queen, how cam'st thou hither to this strange land?

Pretend'st to watch me skewer this dog Shakespeare?

No, my lord.

I come to command thee, spare him.

My queen, why?

Dost thou not know?

The quality of mercy is not strained.

It droppeth as a gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath.

It is twice blessed.

It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.

Tis mightiest in the mightiest.

It becomes the throne of monarch better than his.

For her crown.

Are thou truly mighty, Norfolk?

I forgive thee, sir.

My wife hath long vexed me thus.

No, my lord.

Thy wife's dalliance lies more in mind than in the deed.

That should take care of him for a couple hundred years or so, at least.

My heartiest thanks, Lady Angela. Thou art truly a queen, in spirit, and

most queenly as an actor.

Did I really do well, Bill?

Oh, thou, what wondrous.

And thy words, so stirring, so flowing.

Wouldst thou mind if I did write them down and add to them?

To use them in a play? Aye.

Would you? Oh, thank thee, I'll call it The Peddler of Venice.

Merchant, Bill, merchant.

Merchant?

Aye, it has a certain ring to it. The Merchant of Venice.

Ah, well, like as the waves make towards the pebbled

shore, so do our minutes hasten to their end.

I'll not forget thee, dearest Angela.

In my play, I shall call thee Portia.

This will be my greatest masterpiece.

You see how simple and brilliant my technique is.

You will be strapped into the chair and immersed into the boiling wax.

Your friend Jennifer was much more cooperative than you.

But your original beauty will ensure my masterpiece.

Otto, bring them here.

You two will have all eternity together.

Damn it!

I don't know whether to say thanks or not, Mr. Roark. My fantasy turned out a

lot different than I expected.

For the first time in my life, I got emotionally involved.

If it hadn't been for you, Mr. Durant, Miss Pamela Gentry would not have lived

the long and happy life she did.

Goodbye, Mr. Roark. Goodbye, sir.

Tattoo.

And thanks.

Well, Miss Markham, you came here, as I recall, to give a performance that

Shakespeare himself would have been proud of, and you succeeded admirably.

Oh, I did more than that, Mr. Rourke. For the first time in my life, I gave

without thought of getting something back.

Indeed, I will make you a better actress than you ever dreamed, Miss Markham. I

promise you.

Thank you, Mr. Rourke. You're very welcome.

Tattoo. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Well, boss, it looks like our revels have now ended.

Indeed, Tattoo.

These are echoes, as I foretold you, where all spirits are melted into air,

into thin air.

And like the pest -less fabric of this vision, the clouds have died. Yes,

Tattoo, Tattoo.

All's well that ends well. Let's leave it at that, shall we?