Original subtitles

you

Good morning, Clark. Good morning, Tattoo.

Smile, everyone.

Smile.

Boss, who's that man?

His name is Mr. Fred Simpson.

Him? No, never.

Perhaps because he's suffering from a very distressing affliction. You see,

Tattoo, Mr. Simpson is a kleptomaniac.

Hey, Cook.

Boss, are you sure you lock up the step in the office?

Perhaps I should explain something to you, Tattoo. With Mr. Simpson, as with

kleptomaniacs, the urge to steal is not because of personal desire or monetary

rewards. It's simply an obsession with them. A psychological disorder, really.

What is fantasy?

His fantasy is to be free forever of this compulsion to steal, which I

would require a great deal of ingenuity on our part to accomplish.

Ready lady with Mr. Simpson?

No, not a two. The young lady is Miss Emily Carlyle. She's a courier from a

high -priced New York jewelry company.

She's come to Fantasy Island to make a delivery.

She was on a plane with a thief?

I thought I just explained that to you, Tattoo.

Boss, that's Loretta, the waitress, who's slinging hash at the large

at their home.

That's right, her two. However, for the next two days, you will refer to her as

Mrs. Loretta Wentworth of Wentworth Mansion.

But, boss, that's crazy.

Yesterday, she served me a hillbilly hamburger with onions.

Nevertheless, today, she is Mrs. Wentworth, an elegant lady of wealth and

position.

is to be the opposite of a hash slinger.

Her fantasy tattoo is to be the fine lady of social status she believes her

daughter Lorraine wants her to be.

But boss, her daughter will know the truth about her.

No, no tattoo.

You see, Mrs. Wentworth and her child haven't seen each other since the little

girl was given up for adoption when only nine months old.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rorsch, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

It's just so embarrassing, Mr. Brooke.

Even my best friends don't want me around.

You mean you steal from your friends?

I can't help it.

Naturally, when I realize what I've done, I return this stuff.

If it's valuable, I give them cash, too. I mean, double the amount of whatever I

thought it was worth.

But my friends are getting a little tired of my habit.

So am I. Now, tell me, Mr. Simpson, just what happens when this urge to steal

overcomes you?

Well, first of all, I only steal things that are shiny.

Shiny?

Yeah, I see something shiny and then I freeze up for a second.

And then this boing sound goes around in my head.

Boing sounds?

Next thing I know, I've stolen something again.

I've tried everything.

Nothing works.

You've got to help me.

I can't guarantee that I can cure you, Mr. Simpson, but I will do everything in

my power to help you cure yourself.

That's all I'm asking.

Very well. In the meantime, I will assign Tattoo to stay with you and,

say, keep him out of trouble.

Oh, Mr.

Simpson, my pen, please.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't help myself.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

Am I really going to fool anybody in this fancy? Get up, Mr. Roy.

Well, you look absolutely charming, Mrs. Wentworth.

Doesn't she, Tattoo?

Yes, boss. And the dog, too.

Well, to tell you the truth, I prefer animals that walk on their own legs.

Ah, but for the impression you wish to create, I assure you the lapdog is most

appropriate. Which is what you meant, isn't it?

I thought so.

Well, I just hope I haven't been off more than I can chew.

Why do you say that?

Well, I want more than anything in this world for Lorraine to be proud of me

when she sees me.

And you know yourself, I'm just a plain old country girl.

You may be a country girl, Mrs. Wentworth, but you are also a lady.

who gave up her dream to become a professional country singer years ago.

Instead, you worked hard your entire life to give your daughter every social

advantage and a fine education.

And I'm proud I did, too.

She's with every blue plate special and every tray of beer I serve. My

daughter's a beautiful young lady now.

But I thought you said that you didn't see her.

Oh, uh, Joe and Nancy Ogden...

The couple that adopted Lorraine sends me a picture of her every year.

But your daughter has never seen a photograph of you, even though you sent

money all these years, supported her.

Well, she accidentally found out a few months ago that she was adopted.

And she kind of wanted to see what a real mama looked like before she got

married. I see.

Excuse me, boss.

I think she lives here.

And your daughter, Lauren, is going to be here soon.

Oh, she mustn't see me yet. That was for everything.

Go meet them for two, will you, please?

No problem.

Now.

Well, it seems to me that without planning a fancy wedding here on Fantasy

Island, the least Mr. Roy can do is to be here when we arrive.

Don't worry, Mrs. Alden.

Everything's under control.

Oh, Nancy had a rough trip over on the steamer.

Motion... Thickness, you know. I'm sorry.

More likely all that rich food and champagne day and night. Oh, I was just

making sure you had a good time, dear. It was wonderful. Thank you, Nancy and

Joe. It was like a beautiful four -day party.

Hey, give me a little credit, too. All that dancing and all that romancing. Oh,

Errol, you know how wonderful you are.

Yeah. When do I get to see my mother tattoo?

Mrs.

Wentworth is preparing a wonderful reception in your honor tomorrow.

That's wonderful, isn't it? Great. In the meantime, my driver will drive you

your bungalow, and then you can do some sightseeing.

I've got to go now. You too.

Is what you call not moving?

If you'll excuse me, I have to powder my nose.

My wrist!

My brooch! My God!

Somebody stole my brooch! It's gone! Somebody stole it!

I've got it. Here it is.

You! You stole my brooch!

Don't touch me, you pervert!

Don't touch me!

I've been lost in smaller places than this, Mr. Roy. I'm delighted you are

pleased. Scared to death what I am.

Do you think I'm going to be able to pull this thing off? You know,

I'm something I'm not?

With the help of some close friends, Mrs. Wentworth, I myself will act as

butler, madame.

Oh, boy.

And may I present your associates?

Miss Doris Lee, your personal maid.

Mr. Otis McAllister, butler's assistant and chef.

And Mr. Beaufort, Joe Scoggins, chauffeur and general factotum.

Handyman.

Oh, boy, thank you.

We're with you all the way.

Mr.

Rourke, I hope you know what you're doing, because I don't know if I'm going

have enough money left over after bringing Lorraine and all of them over

boat to pay you for all this.

I've never heard you perform, Mrs. Wentworth.

I'll consider myself amply paid if you'll sing something for me now, will

I'd love to, Mr. Roark, but I didn't bring... Thanks, Mr. Roark.

I guess maybe this song will set off for me.

was born to be country but my little

girl doesn't see she wants me to be

somebody else but I just want to

be me everybody's

got a dream

But most dreams don't come true They

all dream the same old way I must have

dreamed something

I, uh, I hate to drop a weasel in a chicken yard, but, uh, we're all due

work for the next shift, and... Oh, I'm gonna go with you. Uh, the party ain't

till tomorrow, and, frankly, Mr. Rourke, I could really use the money.

I understand.

Let's get out of these Sunday -go -meat clothes and get to work.

Hey, look at all this poker, too.

Yeah, and pretty girls, too.

Thank you.

Is this the office?

Yes, I'm Emily Carlisle. I was wondering when Mrs.

Vanderclap was due in.

No.

It's just that I'm carrying something very valuable in my purse that I'm

supposed to deliver to her. She wants to wear it to Prince Rudolph's coronation

ball when she returns to Europe.

Can't you at least give me an idea when you're expecting her?

Then I think I'll just drop it off with Mr. Roth for safekeeping until she gets

here.

Thanks.

Look, I've got to check the dinner menu for tonight.

I want you to stay here and don't get in trouble.

Now. Stay put.

I'll be a minute. Okay? Okay.

Did you see that? Yeah.

The thing is, nobody else did.

Come on.

You may go to the coronation ball myself.

That dumb guy.

My bag.

It's gone.

Somebody stole my bag.

Oh, no.

I've got to find it. If I don't, I'll lose my job.

I might even go to prison.

You know, Loretta, you really should have taken the bail.

Tomorrow's so important for you.

I'll just whip a tip with you.

Well, thanks, Doris, but to stay in that big country club with a house for

myself? No way.

A girl with a house like that wouldn't have to be by herself very long. You

what I mean?

Oh, honey.

Go put something on that.

Right now. And I'll take care of the table.

It's an ordinary cup of coffee. It's not going to permanently injure you.

Besides, I think this place is kind of quaint.

I had plans to drive off around the island with a little champagne on the

swim in the warm surf, and... And I know all the rest.

Can I help it if you're here?

Which is more than I can say for this joint.

Well, my instinct says their coffee is out of this world.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, miss.

No, thank you. Just two coffees with cream and sugar.

Oh, that's my little girl.

Not bad for a hashling.

Errol, you are a snob.

Is that why I love you?

Probably.

Probably. Yeah.

You're all right, Loretta. You look like you've seen a ghost or something.

That's her.

Don't look.

Now look.

Over at the table by the door, the girl. Okay.

That's her, huh? That's her.

Wow.

She's some kind of person.

Who's her?

That's Lorraine, my daughter.

That must be her fiancé.

Don't look. I think I busted something.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

But we can't let them get a good look at any of us, or they'll recognize us

tomorrow.

What are we going to do?

You go one, Doris, and Odie.

God, ain't she pretty?

Loretta was telling me all about it, and all the plans are set. She told me to

come back and talk to you, too. Don't look.

That little girl of mine is not going to marry that wandering hand, Romeo. I

don't care what kind of fancy pedigree he's got.

Cover for me, honey. I've got something real important to do.

Wow.

Eww.

Boy, am I in trouble now.

You mean you stole the purse and then someone stole it from you?

Even Ripley wouldn't believe this one. Well, as I mentioned to Tattoo, the lady

from whom you stole the purse is a courier.

The necklace inside the purse was worth $50 ,000.

$50 ,000?

Do you know what that means, Mr. Simpson?

It's worth.

Oh, indeed it does.

It means that Miss Carlisle's employer has ordered an immediate investigation

the theft.

Pending its results, he had it placed in jail.

However, in light of your confession, Miss Carlisle can now be released and

real thief will take her place.

You. Me?

But, Mr. Rourke, I saw the guy that really stole the necklace.

You did?

Well, kind of. I was upside down.

What is fine to say? You only saw his shoes.

His shoes?

Yeah, I got a hell of a good look at them.

Well, I regret to say this, Mr. Simpson, but I'll have to notify the island

police.

Don't worry.

I'll get you out on bail.

Oh, I'm sorry, Tattoo.

But since you've admitted being with Mr. Simpson at the time the purse and the

necklace inside were stolen, that makes you an accomplice.

Oh, I do hate to see you go to jail, too.

But, uh, my hands are tied.

Boss, do I really have to go to jail?

Well, how will you handle it if you were in my place?

Well, you know, I... You see what I mean?

Now, look up.

I just want to say I'm really sorry about this tattoo.

Thanks.

All I'm asking is will you please postpone the wedding?

Just give my daughter a little more time to get to know this Errol What's -His

-Name a little better, and she'll catch on to what kind of a bum he really is.

What he really is is a young man who was heir to the Brookfield oil fortune.

This is the thanks we get for seeing that Lorraine meets the right young men.

This Errol is not the right young man. He's a leg -grabbing skirt -chaser.

He'd make my daughter's life miserable. Believe me, I know the type.

I can imagine.

Yeah, but maybe you don't hear too good.

Errol is a rich young man, and he's promised to take good care of all of us.

Now it comes out.

Your little bird's leaving its nest.

That cuts off my money supply, don't it?

All you all care about is a bigger and a better meal ticket.

We've never given a thought to our own future.

Oh, quit whining, Joe.

We've got a right to think of ourselves a little.

After all, we adopted Lorraine, we brought her up, and we don't need any

suggestions from any outsiders now.

The good Lord made me her mother, and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

All I want is what's best for Lorraine. What's best for her is what we think is

best for her. And that's Errol Brookfield III.

And I'm not going to let that happen.

We only agreed to this farce because Lorraine wanted it.

Well, you open your mouth to spoil our chances and let me tell you something.

I'll ruin this whole rich lady charade of yours and I'll tell Lorraine what a

phony you really are, sweetheart.

Now get out of here and let us alone.

Mrs. Wentworth?

Sorry, I just can't help myself.

Well, what do you mean you can't help yourself?

He's a sickie.

Well, what tattoo means is I'm a kleptomaniac.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

But do you know that I'll probably lose my job because of you?

Look, Miss Carla, I didn't mean to get you in trouble.

Look, we're going to get your necklace back for you just as soon as we get out

of here.

In 20 years, I probably won't even care.

No, no, the bail's boss, and he's on his way over here now.

And we got a clue.

A clue?

I sure am.

Shoes? Yeah, the guy that grabbed me and took the necklace away. I got a look at

his shoes.

Now all I have to do is find out who was wearing those shoes.

Oh, Fred.

You mean you really think we might get the necklace back?

Well... Oh, Fred!

Oh.

I'll be with you shortly.

I've never been so nervous in my life.

Relax, sweetheart.

And one thing I'll say for her, your mother has tape, a lot of clad, and

Lots of it.

Yeah.

Hasn't she?

Excellent, excellent.

You all look absolutely perfect.

I'm the best short order cook south of the Mason Dixon, Mr. Roark.

But I'm lost in the swamp when it comes to this uptown grub. All has been

prepared for you, Mr. McAllister.

Just like the fires under the pots. And don't learn anything.

Now, you two just carry the odour trays from the kitchen and pass them around.

And don't worry, I'll keep an eye on things.

Better keep an eye on me too, Mr. Roark.

I feel like Mrs. Astor's pet horse.

You are stunning, Swartworth. Stunning.

Your daughter should be very proud of you.

Now, go in and meet her.

Go again.

Mother?

Baby?

Next to the day you were born, this is the happiest day of my life.

If I find the shoes, I can find the guy.

This is the life, huh, Vic?

I think the only thing to do is hit the restaurants again.

Is that okay with you, friend?

Hold it.

There they are.

That's it?

That's it.

Now, the question is, who's going to be the one who finds out who's missing?

Get dressed. We might have a problem.

Do you know who he is?

Yes. It's Mr. Rizzi.

He's staying at the Lilac Bangalow with the other man.

Oh, that's probably where they're keeping the necklace.

What do we do now?

I don't know. I better ask the boss.

Don't leave him out of your sight for a minute.

You should be very happy, Mrs. Wentworth.

I would be if it wasn't for that snake in the grass.

Oh? Which snake is that?

Arrow of Brookville III.

Well, it's not actually the biggest yacht in the world, but it's about 161.

daddy always told me, when you buy something, make sure it's big.

He can't keep his eyes or his hands off of anything that's got a skirt on.

I'm not going to let my daughter marry into that kind of trouble.

Well, assuming what you say is true...

What can you do about it?

I've been thinking about that.

Just give me a few minutes, and then bring Lorene out on the porch, okay?

Of course, if you are certain you know what you're doing.

A charming party, Mrs. Wentworth.

Oh, Loretta, please.

Oh, Loretta, of course.

To our charming, gracious, and beautiful hostess.

We haven't had too much of a chance to get acquainted, have we, Earl? No, but

that can always be, shall we say, remedied. Just what kind of remedy do

in mind?

Oh, I was thinking about lesson number one. The Brookfield technique of instant

and rewarding romance.

He said yes.

You're pretty much of a mystery to everyone, you know.

That is...

As much a mystery as any woman can be.

Earl, you're a nice young man, but what about Lorraine? You're getting married.

She's everything you'd want your daughter to be. She's dear, sweet,

but very, very immature.

Quit. Earl!

You.

You!

And you.

I don't ever want to see either one of you again.

Ever!

We think we know who stole the necklace.

What we don't have is proof.

Then there's only one logical solution.

You've got to steal the necklace back from me. What? I've never stolen

on purpose in my life. I'm afraid to.

Then I'll just have to get it back myself.

Now, those two men are in the restaurant. I saw them go in.

I'll just take my chances that they stay there while I search their bungalow.

Wait a minute. I'm going with you.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

Look, I got you into this, remember?

Emily, look, I've never gone out on a limb for anybody in my life.

I've always been too busy trying to get ahead, trying to run my business.

Well, now's my chance.

I want to be your limb.

I'm starting to have this real special feeling for you.

You are?

Mm -hmm.

I've been looking all over for you, Lorraine.

I don't think you got the message.

I don't want anything to do with you.

I know.

And I'll go.

But first, honey, I want you to listen.

Why should I?

Because you deserve to know the truth, that's why.

I saw that, didn't I? No.

You saw a mother trying to save her only daughter from a life of pain.

I had to show you what kind of a man you were going to marry.

You see, honey, I've seen a lot of arrowbrook villa thirds.

Your father was one of them.

Without the money or the name.

I made a mistake.

And before you were born, he was long gone chasing after some other woman.

And where we lived is coal mining country.

And there were times we didn't have food for the table or a roof over our head.

And I did the best thing I thought for you.

I gave you up for adoption.

And that's been the saddest mistake I ever made in my life.

Well, that's all very touching, Mother.

But times aren't nearly so bad for you now, are they?

Oh, you mean these...

Fine clothes and jewels and big uptown country house.

This is fantasy Holland, baby.

Mr. Rourke set all this up.

Ask him.

I only get to wear this binary for the weekend.

What are you saying?

I made a mistake.

But I gave up my chance to bend somebody.

And all the years it takes to be a country singer.

Instead, I slung hash and served beer in every honky -tonk bar from Houston,

Texas to Tallahassee.

And I sent you the money so you'd have nice clothes, a good education, and a

real shot at life.

Are you saying that you sent the money?

You supported me?

All these years it was you?

Joe and Nancy deserve a lot of credit, honey.

But I served a lifetime of beers and sent the money to you.

I have a trunkload of canceled checks to prove it.

Joe and Nancy never mentioned your help, ever.

I may never forgive them for that.

But they were there, every day.

Changed my diapers, they wiped my nose.

They raised me.

You understand what I'm saying?

More than you'll ever know, baby.

More than you'll ever know.

Thank you for telling the truth.

I knew the necklace would have got to be in here.

It wasn't in the living room, so it's got to be in here somewhere.

I'll check these floors.

Oh, what is this?

Oh, Emily.

Oh, Freddy.

You did it. We found it.

That's what you think. You found nothing but trouble.

Uh -oh.

You take care of that one, Fred. I'll get this one.

That'll take you to steal from me.

Come on out of there.

I want that necklace, sweetheart.

Please don't hurt us.

We'll do anything you say.

Ah! Oh!

It worked!

It worked!

Oh, we got the necklace.

We got the two of them.

We even got my gun back. A gun? He was pointing a gun at you? Oh, my gun, Fred.

The one they stole along with the necklace.

Hey, it's okay.

It's never loaded, see?

Never loaded, huh?

Fred.

you, Mr. Roark, before I go back to work.

I guess I messed things up good and proper, didn't I?

Placing the happiness of your daughter ahead of your own is hardly messing

things up, Mrs. Wentworth.

We are very proud of you, Loretta. I mean, Mrs. Wentworth.

Loretta will do tattoo. Thank you.

Thank you both.

Uh, Mrs. Wentworth, there is one more thing.

Oh, I almost forgot. The money for the fantasy, right?

Wrong. Quite wrong, indeed.

No, I am talking about your future, Mrs. Wentworth.

Your lifelong dream to be a country singing star.

That part of my future is in the past.

You know that.

Perhaps not, Mrs. Wentworth.

Perhaps not.

If you'll change into the costume you'll find in the next room over there,

Tattoo and I will be ready to escort you in about ten minutes.

Escort me? Yes. Where?

Into the future, Mrs. Wentworth.

Into the future.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a very special event.

For tonight is the very first professional appearance of a very

And I want to especially thank Mr. and Mrs. Joe Ogden and their lovely daughter

Lorraine for accepting my invitation to attend.

The lady you are about to hear sing, up to tonight...

has totally devoted her career to her other talents, such as unselfishness,

cheerfulness, and love.

Tonight, she begins her new career.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, if you will, please welcome Miss Loretta

Wentworth.

Sit down, Nancy. Thank you, Mr. Rourke, and thank you, friends.

One time in my life, I tried to be something that I wasn't, and I was a

flop.

And I'd like to say tonight that I'm just me.

So what you see is what you get.

I'd like to say, thank God I'm a country girl.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

Well, a simple kind of life never did me no harm. Raised my family working on

the farm. My days were spent with a country charm.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

Well, I got a fine man and I got an old fiddle. When the sun comes up, I got a

pick on the griddle. Life ain't nothing but a funny, funny riddle.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

When the work's all done and the sun sets low.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

Thank

God

I'm a country girl.

This country girl came half early to rise early in her life. Thank God I'm a

country girl.

What a simple kind of life never did me no harm. Raised his family working on

the farm. The days were spent with a country charm.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

Well, I got a fine man and he got an old fiddle. And the blinds on the glove got

a pick on the griddle. Life ain't nothing but a funny, funny riddle.

Thank God I'm a country girl.

Life ain't nothing but a funny, funny riddle.

Oh mother, I love you.

I love you too, baby.

Thank you, Mr. Roar. You did what I thought nobody could have it.

Does that mean that you're... Why, Tattoo, Mr. Simpson helped put two

criminals behind bars.

If he was strong enough to do that, I'm sure he's strong enough to kick his

former habit.

Especially since he has a new habit to worry about now.

Me. Congratulations, Mr. Simpson.

Goodbye, Mr. Roar. Goodbye, Mr. Lyle.

So long, Tattoo.

Oh, yeah, um...

Here's your watch, that's it.

Sorry.

Well, it probably just fell off your wrist.

Or something.

How many times have I recommended the practice of patience to build up your

character, sir? Huh?

Ah, there she is now.

Hey, what do you think, Mr. Wentworth? Exactly the right touch, Mrs. Wentworth.

May you both be a magic carpet to a new and wonderful career for both you and

your daughter.

I'd like you to put it in a plant.

We're going to put it on the big steamer instead, Tattoo.

I don't know what kind of booking agent I'm going to make, but I'm going to find

out. You'll do just fine.

With Lorraine and Otis and Doris and Buford, how can we miss?

We're heading for the deep south, and we're going to hit every joint from

to Baton Rouge.

You go. Nice meal.

Yeah, watch out. Nice meal. Here we come.

Bye -bye. Thank you. Thank you for everything.

Bye.

Thank God I'm a country girl.