Original subtitles

Good morning, Bob. Good morning, the two.

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

Oh, I bet he's a sport man.

Quite correct, Atul.

His name is Mr. Norman Hackett. He works for a sporting goods store in Seattle,

Washington. Mr. Hackett is a big sports fan and is about to fulfill his fantasy

of becoming owner and manager of a professional sports club.

That's a pretty tough racket.

Does he have any experiences?

Oh, he knows all about sports and statistics and talks a good game, but

talking is behind him, and he will find that he must prove himself on the field

of battle.

Who are they, Buck?

That is Miss Suzanne Quinn.

She is from Texarkana, Arkansas.

The gentleman behind her is Mr. Roy Bradford from Detroit, Michigan.

And that is Mr. Eldon Gimble from Fresno, California.

They are all total strangers, by the way. You mean each of them has a

Actually, Tattoo, none of them has a fantasy.

None of them has a fantasy?

The three of them were selected at random and are here to compete in a

that will allow one of them, and only one, to leave Fantasy Island with one

million dollars.

My dear guest, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Mr. Rourke. Ah, Mr. Hackett.

Oh, how about the weather out there? What a great day for a ball game.

You know, we owners, we love sunny weather. It brings out the fans.

Yes, I suppose so. But then again, there are those sports played indoors as

well.

Oh?

Does this mean that I get a basketball team?

Well... Mr. Rourke, I'll take anything. I love all sports.

Sports are my life.

Don't keep me in suspense. What is it?

Basketball? Hockey? What?

You know, Mr. Hackett, it's one thing to watch a sporting event

on television from your easy chair, but quite another to be an owner -manager.

I know that, Mr. Rourke.

The truth is, I've been watching life and living it from my easy chair.

And a counselor once told me that the reason I never get really involved with

anything is because I have a fear of losing.

Oh, Mr. Hackett, you'd only be a loser if you think you're a loser.

You're absolutely right, Mr. Rourke.

I'm going to get right in the middle of things, right where the action is.

The action will be right here on Fantasy Island, Mr. Hackett.

The truth.

Oh, what's this?

You'll start with that. Will you put it around your neck, please?

That's it, thank you.

Now. Just put it to your lips and blow as hard as you can.

Yeah, Mr. Rourke told me. You're our new manager.

Terrific. Look at this girl, Sandy.

This is our new big shop manager.

He's going to save us.

No, no, no, no. I'm not your new manager.

Boy, am I in the wrong place.

Do any of you girls know how I can find the Pittsburgh Steelers training camp?

The Pittsburgh Steelers already have a manager.

You're just too afraid to admit that you're our manager.

You're ashamed to manage a team of losers, aren't you?

You're only losers if you think you're losers, young lady.

You see, I was brought here to take over a professional sporting team, not...

Not a what, huh? Go ahead and say it.

Girls' roller derby team, yeah?

Yeah. What's wrong with roller derby? What are you, some kind of snob or

something?

Hey, we were doing fine without you.

Who needs you anyway?

Good. What's your record?

We've won three games already.

Out of how many?

26? We lost a lot of close ones.

You won three out of 26?

Excuse me, I, uh... I gotta talk to somebody very, very

fast. Excuse me?

You mean this guy flew us all

the way out here so one of us could win a million dollars and we don't even get

to meet him?

lead us to the question we've all been wanting to ask.

What do we have to do to win?

Ah. The person who performs the most noble, unselfish act during his or her

on Fantasy Island will win. You mean, whoever does the best good deed

wins a million bucks?

Correct. Your benefactor will be watching you very closely for the next

days, and he will make his decision according to what he observes.

Why? What's in it for him?

Yes, boss. What's in it for him?

I'm afraid I can't discuss his motivations.

And since any personal contact with him could very well give one of you a

decided advantage, he insists you make no attempt to learn his identity.

But I assure you his offer is legitimate and every bit as simple as it sounds.

I don't know. It sounds very strange to me. If you want to get out, I know

someone who would like to take your place.

Tatum, please don't.

It may be strange, but it sure as heck beats serving pitchers at the Texarkana

Brew and Chew all weekend.

Good. Would you excuse, please?

Oh, uh, for the rest of the weekend, you may travel anywhere on the island you

wish, though your benefactor prefers that you remain together, and he's

care of any and all your bills.

Is that right?

Well, then I vote that we kick this thing off at the nearest chow house. I

And may the best man, I'm terribly sorry, may the best person win. Will you

excuse us?

Mr.

Rock!

Thank you, girls. Thank you.

Something the matter, Mr. Hackett? Boy, did you make a mistake.

Mistake? It's about that team you gave me for my fantasy.

The Brownsville Blasters?

Yeah. Well, that is the name of your team, Mr. Hackett.

Yeah, well, they are blasters, all right. Yes.

And they've had a pretty rough time of it.

Nobody seems to care for them.

Not the past owners, certainly not the fans.

They don't even seem to care for themselves.

All in all, they are not a very disciplined team.

The Dirty Dozen is more disciplined than they were.

The blasters are yours, Mr. Hackett. But, of course, you do have a choice.

can either accept them or stop your fantasy and return home on the next

Well, I'm going to have to think about that. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm afraid

there's no time for that. Tomorrow night they play the champion Los Angeles

Thunderbirds in a televised exhibition game. Now, if they don't win, the league

has voted to take away the franchise.

That, of course, means the end of the team.

Well, what can I do about that? Their record is 3 -23.

I can't turn that around overnight.

Mr. Hackett.

You came here to own and manage a professional sports club, and that is a

professional club. Now, I would suggest that you display a little

professionalism yourself. Hey, Mr. Owner -Manager.

There's some guy at the arena who wants to talk to you about your ideas on

promotion.

Billboards, banners, stuff like that.

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Tell him, uh... Tell him nothing, huh?

Zip ideas, just like all the others.

I bet you end up bailing out just like they did.

I can see it coming.

It's not a very nice thing to say about somebody you hardly even know.

Yeah? The last guy owned us for a week.

I'll give you less than that.

Apparently, she thinks you're the loser, Mr. Hackett.

Yeah, well, I'm going to show you, Mr. Ork.

I'm going to take the blasters.

Good for you, Miss Haggard.

It seems to me that we could all win that money.

What do you mean?

I mean, we could all agree that no matter who wins the million dollars,

that we could split three ways.

Um, Hal, I don't think whoever's running this show would take kindly to that

idea. All right, you little jerk.

I'm tired of you slopping those drinks all over me.

Hey, why don't you pick on someone your own side?

Eldon. You stay out of this, pal.

What if I don't want to?

Eldon. All right.

Let's play it your way.

Okay,

act it out.

If that wasn't the most lame -brained thing I've ever seen anyone do in my

I would call it noble.

Noble?

Noble and... and selfish.

Not why you did it.

Haven't you noticed what's parked over there?

I bet that there rich mobile belongs to the benefactor. I did say he'd be

watching you closely.

I get that makes the score...

One to zero to zero.

That's what I ordered and that's what I want.

Showgirl gown, yeah.

I'm going to give the Bells a new look and a new pride themselves.

Yeah, and I changed the name of the team. It's now the Brownsville Bells.

need 5 ,000 I love the Bells.

I love the Bells.

Button, you got it.

Wow, you're sure really busy.

Determination.

Determination is the key to good leadership.

Determination, knowing how to promote a good team.

A little showmanship doesn't hurt either.

You still don't look too happy.

You're right.

I'm going to have to talk to them, whip them into shape, show them who's boss.

You're tough with them.

Sometimes it's better to be gentle.

Do you think Vince Lombardi was gentle with his players?

You let me handle it my way, all right, tattoo?

Thank you anyway.

Girls!

Ladies! What kind of blocking do you call that?

I mean, you are supposed to let that jammer through!

And we're going to do it right, even if it takes all night.

And that means everybody.

Have you got it?

Got it.

Let's join them.

Are you all right?

Hey, Elder, remember what you said about splitting the money?

Hey.

Oh, yeah, I remember what I said.

But I, uh... Take back that offer.

No, no, no.

Stop it. Stop.

Somebody stop him.

Oh, no.

Hey, stop. Come back here.

Mr. Bradford. Are you all right? I'm sure.

Are you sure?

Thank you. Well, it's no big deal.

Back home chasing muggers gets to be second nature.

Thank you so much.

Are you okay?

I'm sure.

You know, you've done the island a great service, Mr. Bradford.

Hey, I did me a good deed. How do you like that? The real question is, is how

did he like that?

He sure would like to know who he is.

Does he live here on the island, Mr. Roark?

The benefactor has a home here, yes. In fact, I'm going there for dinner this

evening. So, if you'll excuse us.

Good evening,

Mr. Roark. Good evening.

How do you like the way things are progressing so far?

In all the years I've known you, I had no idea you were such a fine actor, Mr.

Gimbel.

Thank you, Mr.

Roque. I'm full of surprises.

Indeed. Oh, and I must also compliment you, Philip, on the lovely performance

you gave this afternoon.

Thank you, sir.

Shall we eat?

Well, the scene was a nice touch, don't you think?

Very. And the staging of the fight between me and my dear friend Philip

Excellent. They really have no idea that they're just pawns in a bet between me

and you?

The way you are manipulating them is precisely what bothers me.

I'm afraid someone's going to get hurt.

Well, that's the difference between us.

See, you refuse to admit that when there's money on the line that people

to the greedy...

selfish animal they truly are.

I refuse to believe that, yes.

Well, we're going to find that out, aren't we?

Once and for all, if Susie and Roy continue to behave

admirably, as you say, then I'll have been wrong and I'll lose our bet.

But if, no, when...

they show humanity's true dismal colors and do something underhanded tomorrow,

then I'll have been right. And you know what that means, don't you?

I must announce publicly that people are basically corruptible after all.

Either way, I'll have to give one of those two a million dollars.

But seeing you eat crow will be worth it.

I'll set the showers.

Mr. Hackett?

Hi, Mr. Rourke.

Who? Iva.

We just left the girls.

Oh? Oh, they're really set for the big game tonight.

Uh, everything is in order.

Not quite everything, Mr. Hackett.

There's a problem.

This check...

You gave me for your fantasy?

Bounced. Bounced?

Bounced.

Well, that's impossible.

Mr.

Hackett, do you know a Mr. Charles Delco?

Of course, Charlie Delco. Charlie Delco is not only my best friend, but he also

happens to be my accountant. He takes care of all my money.

Not that I have a lot, but little I have, he looks after.

It seems your accountant has closed your account.

And when last seen was taking a plane with a Miss Laverne bludget. You mean

skipped off with everything?

I'm sorry, Mr. Hackett, but your fantasy is no longer a fantasy. It's now become

very real. As real as all those bills you managed to pile up. Oh, I hope you

haven't written personal checks for them.

Well, of course I did.

I thought it was part of the fantasy.

Oh, I am so sorry.

You understand my position, of course.

I mean, since the fee for your fantasy was never paid, I cannot be responsible,

as I normally would, for actions taken in the course of it.

Rourke, I spent thousands.

People go to jail for writing real rubber checks.

Yes. Yes, that is true. I suppose prison is a possibility to be considered.

Oh, yes.

And those girls are counting on me. I'm not going to let those girls down.

But I don't want to go to jail either.

What am I going to do?

Something occurs to me.

There is a gentleman here, Mr. T .J.

Cunningham, who was interested in buying the team a couple of weeks ago,

perhaps.

Perhaps he still is.

I hope he doesn't know the Bells' record.

As I recall, Mr. Cunningham insisted upon only one condition, a winning team.

So if the Bells do win,

that could be a way for you to fulfill your fantasy without cost, and it would

mean staying out of jail.

You're right, Rourke.

All right, he wants a winning team, huh?

All right, you just make sure that T .J.

Cunningham is at that game tonight, because I am going to turn the bells

the most exciting team that that man has ever seen.

Tina,

she's selling.

Yes, sir.

Real pretty kids.

You always been a waitress?

Mm -hmm.

Was saving to go to cooking school for a while.

Then my daddy got real sick and had to quit his job, so all the extra money

to my folks.

Sure wouldn't mind being in that winner's circle tonight.

I wouldn't either.

Hey, look at there.

Something's burning.

I don't believe this will be happening.

Is anybody in there? I don't know.

Oh, no.

Murphy.

Oh, no. Stay here, sir.

You don't understand.

Murphy's still inside.

Somebody's been there? Holy moly. Oh, Susan, come back here.

Mike,

where are your parents?

Get in there, Mr. Rourke. So, Susie.

Susie.

Oh, I'm fine with this cute little old thing.

Murphy!

Murphy, the dog?

Miss Quinn, that was a very foolish thing to do.

I know.

Sometimes my brain doesn't work as fast as the rest of me.

Well, I'll bet as far as our benefactor is concerned, you just did something

that was noble and unselfish.

You think so, Mr. Roy?

I would say so, yes.

Well, I guess that makes that all even.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

What do you mean?

Well, getting beat up by a bully is one thing, but it doesn't compare to

catching a criminal or risking your life.

I mean, if I were the benefactor...

I'd have to choose between the two of you.

Wouldn't you, Mr. Rock?

Look, girls, we've only been together just a short time, and so we really

haven't had a chance to talk to each other. But I do have one philosophy in

life, and that is nobody ever remembered anyone who came in.

Second. We do.

We almost always do.

I mean, lately, losing seems to be what we do best.

You're going to have to stop using the word loser. That is something in the

past. You have to think about the future.

Remember the words of the immortal Satchel Paige.

Don't look back.

Something might be gaining on you.

What does that have to do with anything?

I am so glad that you asked that question, young lady.

Because I'm going to tell you what's gaining on you.

What's gaining on you is defeatism.

How can you win if you come out here thinking that you are going to fall flat

your faces?

Well, let me tell you, I am going to do everything that I can to make the Bells

winners.

And I am sure that I am going to get your full support.

Let's get to work here. Let's try it again.

Not that we don't want to believe in you.

It's just that we've been burned too many times.

Sandy, I think I should at least be given a chance.

Something else.

Maybe you are different.

Maybe you can make winners out of it.

I can.

I mean, we were a really good team.

A really good team.

Until our morale started falling apart.

Then that's what we're going to work on.

All right?

Okay.

Okay.

How'd I do, Tattoo?

Pretty good, but what happened if they found out that you didn't think of

selling the thing?

Well, I wouldn't blame them if they wanted to kill me.

What else can I do?

I want to spend the next ten years cracking rocks.

Hi,

Tattoo. Hi, Mr. Bonner.

Mind if I sit down?

Please do.

Oh, hot fudge sundae, huh?

I'd better dig in. I know how fast they melt.

Oh, hey, don't mind me. This contest got me so wired, I can't eat.

A real killer is not knowing who the benefactor is.

I suppose you know, do you, Tattoo?

Well, well, well, looky who's here.

I thought you was going back to your bungalow for a nap.

No, I just came by to say hi to Tattoo, that's all.

Trying to wrangle the name of the benefactor out of him is what you was

Well, what if I was? You wouldn't even be here if you weren't trying to do

exactly the same thing.

I'm here because I figured you was doing something sneaky, and I was right.

You're caught following me around, sneaky.

Not as sneaky as getting the name of the benefactor so as you can go buttering

him up. Maybe I just wanted to ask him what pile of corn pone he pulled your

name from.

If I didn't think we was being washed right now, I'd knock you clean on your

rear end.

People, people, can you settle this somewhere else?

I'd better not catch you pulling anything like this again.

Yeah, well, just don't go playing bloodhound and you won't.

Leave it up to Norman to come up with this crazy idea of us wearing showgirl

gown. Boy, he's something special.

It's me, girls.

Ah, you look great.

Hi,

girls. Listen up.

I don't have to tell you what this night means.

It is us against them.

It's good against evil.

It's right and might, which is us, against wrong and strong, which is them.

it's win, it's win, it's win, it's win.

Like the famous coach once said, we are going to rock this arena until it

shakes.

All right, so we go out there and we start skating. And that rink, I want you

girls to hold your heads up high and let that big crowd out there.

Know what we are made of.

Go,

go. Get the ball.

Get the needle.

And come back with a victory.

You know, Norman, in a lot of ways, you're the strongest man I've ever met.

Well, actually, I did pump a little iron once.

I don't mean strong that way. I mean you're the first manager who hasn't

up on us.

Who hasn't thought of us as a bunch of losers.

So tonight, Norman, we're going out there and we're going to win for you.

For sticking by us.

And because we love you.

Especially me.

Well, I got a lot of help. I mean, I couldn't have done it without the help.

You say you love me?

I think so.

I know so.

Sandy, there's something I've got to tell you.

I've got a problem.

A problem?

I'm sure it's nothing you can't handle.

What's wrong?

Sandy, I've got to... All right.

This is the wrong time to tell you this, because there's an important game to be

played out there. And me, as your coach and your manager... I am ordering you to

go out there and win that game.

Oh, Norman.

I love it best when you talk to me that way.

Memorizing your speech, Mr. Rourke.

Something wrong?

Susie just arranged for her main competitor to receive a telegram this

Care to read it?

You see?

You dangle money in front of somebody, anybody, and whatever mask of decency

they've been wearing, it sloughs off like snakeskin.

For a man who believes he just won a bet, you don't sound very pleased, Mr.

Gimbel. Maybe I'm not.

Maybe I was hoping deep down inside that human beings are really the noble

creatures you said they were.

But they're not.

Are they, Mr. Rock?

Ladies and gentlemen, we are watching a terrific game tonight.

Get rid of that camera!

But we're going to come out smoking in the second half.

That's getting them, Norman.

The Bells are going to pull this one out.

You just wait and see.

Aren't you the guy who tried to buy the team a couple of months ago?

I'll bet you're surprised to see me back.

Disgusted is more like it.

It might interest you to know that after tonight's game, I'm going to be your

new owner.

That is, if you win.

It might interest you to know that we already have a new owner. His name is

Norman Hackett. Yes, I met with Mr. Hackett this afternoon.

We came to an understanding about a selling price.

Know why I changed my mind about buying the team?

Because there's something different about you.

Now you have class.

Yeah, class, mister.

Listen, I don't know about you, but no matter how things turn out,

I'll just be glad when this whole thing's over.

I'm not real proud of the way I acted today.

I know the feeling.

Good evening. This telegram just arrived for you, Mr. Bradford.

Well, what does it say?

I'm not laid off anymore. My wife says they want me back at work tomorrow.

Oh, I have to leave right away.

Well, if you hurry, you can still catch the 9 o 'clock flight.

What about the contest?

If I leave right now, am I still in the running?

Technically, I'm afraid the contest isn't over until the winner is

Well, if I don't show up to claim my job, they'll give it to somebody else.

Oh, the hell with it.

Listen, one of you guys can win the million dollars. There's no way I'm

gamble away a sure thing like this.

Goodbye, Mr. Rourke, and tell the benefactor thanks anyway.

It's you and me, Susie.

Will you excuse me?

Yes? Well, it looks like Susie won the contest.

But I win the bet, right, Mr. Rourke?

Right, sir.

Why don't you make the announcement of the winner, and I'll go get a cashier's

check, and I'll meet you back at your office outside.

And then after, I'll present Susie with the prize money.

And then you can make your little speech about human nature.

Mr. Rock.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention?

Here is the announcement we've all been waiting for. It has been decided that

the person who has performed the most noble, unselfish act, the winner of one

million dollars... No!

No, Mr. Roark!

Please.

Please, Mr. Roark.

Mr. Roark, I can't go through with it.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

Just stop Roy from getting on that plane.

But his job.

There ain't no job.

Please, you've got to stop him.

Very well, Miss Quinn.

If you're sure that's what you want.

I sure hope it is, Mr. Roark.

Maybe he's got a good reason for selling us.

I think we should give Norman a chance to explain.

I think you fell for that guy. That's what I think.

Me! Oh, you girls were great. You were terrific. The first half was terrific.

What's up, LeBron?

There's a guy out there who says he's going to buy the team if we win.

Is that right?

No, no, no, no, no.

Well...

Yes, yes.

Well, you can forget it. Because we're not going out for the second half.

All right, all right, you got me.

That's a good joke. It's very, very funny.

No joke, Norman.

What's the matter? Can't you girls wait until after the game? Then you can

listen to my reason.

The game is over now.

You lied to me.

You lied to all of us.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, please.

Just give me one minute. Yes, yes.

I admit I lied. I had to.

You see, this all started off as a fantasy to me.

And then I ran into some financial misunderstandings. But I just want to

you kids that you kids are good.

I mean, you kids are real, real good.

This afternoon in practice.

Tonight in the first half of that game, you girls skated like pros. You skated

like winners.

I mean, you looked good, you felt good, and above all, you knew that you were

good. The big crowd out there who loves you kids, believes in you, and they want

to see you.

So if you're going to quit, you quit on me.

But don't you dare quit on yourselves.

Miss Quinn, may I interview the gentleman who sponsored this contest,

Gimble?

Mr. Gimble, there's something I've got to confess.

Gimble?

Eldon?

Eldon? I know, it's a little confusing, but nonetheless, here is your check

for one million dollars.

Roy, I was told to come back. What's going on? Roy, meet the benefactor.

If you gotta give that money to somebody, give it to Roy. You got no job

home. I sent that telegram to get you out of the contest.

So why are you refusing this check?

Because I'm ashamed of myself.

That's why.

You put her up to it, didn't you?

It's a trick to make me think I lost our bet.

Bet? What bet?

That people are all alike.

That when it comes to money, they'll stop at nothing to get it.

So you mean Susie and I were just guinea pigs, and this whole thing is nothing

but an experiment?

Here's a clue to what you can do with your experiment, pal, and your million

bucks!

You know what your trouble is, you slimy little toad? You don't think all people

are alike, you just think they're all like you!

Ow! Oh!

Oh!

Are you all right, Mr. Gimble?

Never better, Mr.

Raw.

Come on.

The both of you, come out with me.

Please, Mr. Rourke.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. Rourke was supposed to be making this speech, not I. He was supposed to

stand here and confirm that human beings are, by nature, greedy and defeatful.

Well, these two people here have proved me wrong.

And in return for making me see that there is hope for the human race after

I'm giving each one of these people a million dollars.

And my deepest thanks.

What?

God bless you.

Thank you.

Please do.

Hearing you say I'm sorry is what I was waiting for.

I was hoping to say that on the dance floor.

Is it a time for the second half to begin, Mr. Hackett?

There's not going to be any second half.

Oh? Why not?

I gave it my best shot, Mr. Rourke. I tried.

But those girls are not coming out of that dressing room.

It's all my fault.

I just didn't have the faith in them.

I was the one that sold out.

why we won. Okay, kids?

Go take your bubble baths. Congratulations again, kids.

All the way, Lally. Congratulations, Mr. Hackett. Congratulations.

Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Roark.

Well, it looks like I'm going to buy a winner after all, Mr. Roark, but that's

the name of the game.

I have a feeling that the team won't be for sale after tonight, Mr. Connick. It

seems that the accountant who absconded with Mr. Hackett's money has been

located.

You mean they found Charlie and Laverne?

That's right.

Which means you are no longer insolvent, Mr. Hackett. You can pay all your

bills.

And I believe that's the name of the game, Mr. Cunningham.

Thank you.

Well, in spite of everything that you both enjoy yourselves... I can't

Me neither.

Mr. Roark, I want to thank you for everything.

Yes, Mr. Bradley, my pleasure.

Thank you, Mr. Roark. You're welcome, Miss Quinn. Bye, tattoo.

You coming, Eldon? In a moment.

Thank you. Yes, Mr. Gimbel.

You're leaving too?

I thought I'd see what Arkansas was like this time of the year.

She's really something, isn't she?

You might say she is one in a million.

Well, Mr. Hackett?

Are you satisfied with the outcome of your fancy?

Satisfied? This has far exceeded my wildest dreams.

Then I'm delighted.

Thank you, Mr. Roark. That, too.

Good night. Thanks for everything.