Original subtitles

Thank you.

Good morning, Tattoo.

Miles, everyone.

Miles.

Who

is

she, boss?

Miss Andrea Barkley from St. Louis, Missouri.

She's come to Fantasy Island hoping to begin a long and illustrious career in

musicals. Oh, is she an actress?

She not only acts, she dances and sings, too.

Then what's the problem?

She's never really been able to perform on stage, Tatooine.

You see, Miss Barkley suffers from a paralyzing case of stage fright.

It's so bad that she's on the brink of giving up her dream entirely.

So this weekend, we'll either make or break a promising career that has not

even begun.

That guy looks kind of jumpy, boss.

He has reason to be jumpy, Tatooine.

His name is... Jimmy Jordan.

Jimmy Jordan?

Jimmy Jordan?

The famous rock singer who got killed in a car accident?

Well, that's what he wants everyone to think. You see, while giving a concert

Las Vegas two nights ago, he inadvertently witnessed a gangland

The man he saw holding the gun is the most powerful figure in the world of

organized crime.

A man who will stop at nothing to make sure that Jimmy Jordan doesn't live to

testify against him.

You mean he's running from the mob?

I'm afraid so, yes.

Does he have a fantasy?

Isn't it obvious, Tattoo?

The man wants to stay alive.

Does he have a fantasy?

And my dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Is anybody here?

Mr. Roar?

They say that falling in love is wonderful

It's wonderful

Though they tell me I can't... Oh, please, go

on, Ms. Barclay.

Yes, it was beautiful.

I can't continue. That's my problem.

When I'm alone, I'm great.

I think.

But the minute I see people out there watching me, I just...

I fall apart.

Maybe the problem is you're trying too hard.

Well, I just get so nervous and self -conscious whenever I get on a stage.

What am I to do?

Trustable. He's the only one who can make your fantasy come true.

Can you, Mr. Rourke?

Can you make it come true?

Oh, yes.

Yes, Miss Barkley, I can provide the opportunity for you to conquer your

and prove yourself on the stage if you...

will try very hard to have faith in yourself.

Oh, I will, Mr. Rourke.

You just give me the toughest audience you can find.

The toughest audience I can find?

Yes.

Tattoo, the lights, please.

Yes, boss.

Now, Miss Barkley.

Imagine you are already the famous actress you want to be.

Feel the confidence flowing through you.

in Denver.

Jimmy Jordan, a man with an abundance of fame, fortune, and talent, lived a life

filled with applause.

Now he's lost.

Look,

except for my business manager, you two are the only ones who know I'm alive.

It's got to stay that way, too.

Oh, Lordy, why me?

Why do I have to witness a murder?

I was between sets when I observed the killing.

I've been so busy running for my life, I haven't had a chance to change clothes.

Naturally.

Did you tell the police what you saw?

Oh, yes, I called them right away. I didn't tell them who I was, but I called

them.

Naturally, they wanted me to testify.

They offered me police protection, too, but when I asked them, what about after

I testify, they said, uh...

We can't guarantee anything.

That's terrific.

So I hung up the telephone without telling them who I was, drove my car out

Point Dume, put it in gear and sent it over the cliff.

Goodbye, Jimmy Jordan.

Goodbye. Then a mob will take you out of the way.

Exactly.

Only my business manager, who knows everything, heard that there are two

looking for me to make sure I'm really dead.

One of them is a missing persons expert.

The other one's an assassin.

You don't think that they could trace me to Fantasy Island, do you, Mr. Roar?

How good are you at handling bad news, Mr. Jordan?

Is that them?

What am I going to do?

I believe a new identity is in order.

Which means I have to do something about his appearance to do that.

Yes.

Yes, indeed.

You're conservative, isn't you?

You're clean.

What exactly am I supposed to be, Mr. Rourke?

Mr. Rourke, hello.

Hello. You found someone. Yes, I believe I have. Your Honor, may I present your

new butler. Hello.

I'm going to kill that Mr. Rourke.

Miss Bartley, we were waiting for your answer.

Well, you can deal me out.

Mr. Rourke, I've been hiking for five miles to get here, and I don't even know

where here is.

You are in Landry, Texas, Bartley, and this is the Jersey Lily Saloon.

I was expecting Broadway or Hollywood.

I did request the toughest audience I could find.

Nevertheless,

there is your stage.

And this is your chance to prove that you can perform in front of a tough

audience when you audition for that role in Annie Get Your Gun.

If you can make a deal, you can make a deal.

You can say that again.

Oh, my darling.

Oh, my darling.

Oh, my darling Clementine.

Thou art lost and gone forever.

Young lady, I'm going to have to ask you to step down from there now.

Was I that bad?

I said now.

Now, you're new in town, so I'm going to give you a little piece of advice.

Well, Mr. Rourke said...

Nobody gets up on that stage unless they're tired of living.

Now, if you're still a mind to sing, go right ahead.

Come down here.

No call to be scared, gal.

Just because Judge Roy Bean said you could sing.

Judge Roy Bean?

The hanging judge?

That's right.

The only law west of the pink.

Our place in San Francisco is much larger.

Very nice, very nice. Thank you.

Do you play?

I used to.

Who's this in the picture?

My stepmother and my father.

I like the mustache.

It did make him look dashing, didn't it?

I was speaking of hers.

Oh, this looks like Taylor's work.

Taylor!

Taylor! What happened to your real mother?

Divorced? No.

She died ten years ago.

Sorry.

Taylor?

Are you responsible for this?

Just the mustache.

Taylor! Give me a break, Michelle.

Two minutes after father died, she and half her estate were out the door.

You hate her just as much as I do.

That's not the point.

What if someone at the party tomorrow had seen this?

What would they think?

Don't worry.

I'll be a good little sister and erase it before your fiancé and his parents

come.

Who's this guy?

I'm sorry.

Cassie? Taylor?

This is our new butler, Mr... Godfrey.

Where have I seen you before? You can ask silly questions later. Right now, I

want both of you to go shopping.

Come on, Godfrey, I'll show you the rest of the house, and then you can drive

them.

Please.

He's kind of cute.

I think I'll have an affair with him.

Taylor.

It's very chic to become sexually involved with your butler nowadays.

If you would watch the soaps, you would know that.

I just want to know why he looks so familiar.

Here I am in the stupid fantasy and I still can't sing.

Hang me, I deserve it.

There's nothing for me to live for anyway.

Oh, stop talking that way.

Pretty young filly like you's got everything to live for.

You don't understand.

It was my first, last, and only chance to make it on the stage.

It didn't sound too bad, what I heard, anyway.

Well, if you liked it, why did you yank me off the stage?

Oh, now, it wasn't nothing personal, Miss... Excuse me, what's your name?

Andrea Barkley.

Well, now, listen up, Andrea.

I built that stage out there special.

Built it for the woman I love.

And only the woman I love will ever sing there.

Miss Lily Langtree, the most beautiful, the most talented, most gracious lady in

all the world.

She'll be here in a couple hours on the afternoon stage.

I've been waiting two years on this.

Two years?

Yeah, and I'm as nervous as a fat hog at a barbecue.

Hey,

I want to be dressed real nice once we get here.

You think this will do?

It's very nice.

She's a very lucky woman.

If a man felt that way about me, I'd be so proud.

That's why I've got to make a good impression on her.

This is my first, last, and only chance to show Miss Lily how much I really love

her.

But the fact is, I ain't got a hell of a lot of class.

My manners could use some polishing.

You'd probably just need a little coaching.

Well, there's one other thing.

I want to have a nice speech all ready for her when she steps down off that

stage. I tried to write something down.

But the truth is, I can't hardly read, much less write.

Of course, the boys out there, they don't know that.

Maybe I could write it for you, and you could memorize it, and then you could

pretend to read it.

No one will know, except you and me.

You're a real lady, Miss Andrea.

If I didn't love Miss Lily so much...

Let's go to work on that speech.

Excuse me.

Oh, thanks, Tattoo.

Now, come on. Where did Godfrey come from?

Who is he? How come he looks so familiar?

I don't know.

To me, a butler is a butler.

Excuse me. I've got to go.

Tattoo, I know you're hiding something.

Cassie, why do you have to be such a pain in the neck?

Hey there, ho there, hi there.

Are you talking to me? Oh, I think I just found the best looking girl in the

place. Oh, I'm really very flattered.

But I didn't come here to get picked up.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. I just want to talk a little, that's all.

Come on now, be nice.

She is being nice.

I would have told you to butt out the first time you opened your mouth.

You know, you two make one hell of a couple.

You sit there and feed your face, and Miss High and Mighty here sits and feeds

her ego.

You did that on purpose,

man. I'd have knocked your... Go ahead.

She's a black belt. Come on, Taylor, show them your stuff.

Wait a minute. I just told everything.

If these people wanted violence, they'd be home watching the news, right?

Cassie, Taylor, get your things. We're going home.

Oh, God, Bree.

Cassie, get in the car.

That masterful tone of voice you're using really turns me on.

Have a, uh... Have a nice day.

Hey, come over here a second.

That guy that just left with the girls.

Tell me about him.

And the only law west of the Pecos, I am privileged to welcome you,

the fairest flower of this great and beautiful land.

Looks like you've been stood up, Roy.

You see Roy's face?

I'm sorry, Roy.

I've been made a fool of in front of my friends.

Men I've known for years.

Men who've respected me.

It's something I'm likely never to be able to live down.

I'm glad you're back.

Write something on this piece of paper for me, okay?

Kathy, would you open the door?

One of my hobbies is analyzing handwriting.

Kathy, I'm busy. Would you open the door?

You're always busy. Just do it now, please.

What do you want me to write?

Um, write, it's okay to be a 15 -year -old in love, and then sign your name.

Okay, too.

It is okay to be a 15 -year -old in love, isn't it?

Would you open the door?

Please.

Thank you.

Jimmy.

Why is the restaurant billing us? I mean, he did all the damage.

Taylor, I want you to promise me you won't do anything embarrassing like that

the party tomorrow.

All right.

If any of your fiancé's dorky relatives try to hit on me, I promise to be nice.

For at least five seconds.

Taylor, I'm ordering you to behave.

Stop trying to be daddy.

He's gone and he left you just as alone and screwed up as me and Cassie.

So you're the oldest. So big deal.

One look at that turkey you're getting engaged to tomorrow proves that you

have the brains to boss around a kumquat.

She, uh... She didn't mean that, you know, not really.

No, she's right.

My fiancé is a turkey.

I'm only marrying him for his money.

He's so rich, it's disgusting.

And you're not?

Rich, not disgusting.

Oh, we won't be much longer.

My father's corporation has been going downhill ever since he died.

Looks like bankruptcy is inevitable.

There are worse things than bankruptcy.

In the hospital, just before he died, my father made me promise, I'd say to it,

that the three of us stayed together until Kathy was 18.

He wanted more than anything for her to have a happy childhood.

Marrying money is the only way I can keep my promise and be sure we'll stay

together as a family.

Are you sure your father would want you to marry someone you didn't love?

I don't know what else to do.

Listen, I don't want my sisters to know what I just told you.

It wouldn't do any good.

Besides, there must be something about Charles Winslow IV I can learn to love.

He can't be a total geek.

I was a damn fool to think Lily Langtree had stepped foot in a one -horse dust

bowl of a town like this.

Well, it's not your fault she didn't show up.

Yeah, but I've been bragging about knowing her for two years, shooting off

mouth to the boys.

Fact is, I only saw her once in Denver.

Fetch me another bottle, will you?

I feel like getting ripped, snorted, and drunk.

Mr. Rourke.

How... What are you doing here? Oh, just checking to see how your fantasy is

progressing, Miss Barkley.

Lousy. Really?

But I can live with it. Good.

What I'd really like to do is help Roy.

You see, he's in love with Lily Landry, and he's brokenhearted because she

didn't show up.

Miss Barkley, a woman should be more than an illusion to a man. She should be

someone with whom he can talk, with whom he can spend time.

Perhaps if Mr. Bean were to know how you feel about him, how concerned you are

about his happiness to the total exclusion of your own, then maybe...

talking to him. It's no use.

There are times when a song is more meaningful than spoken words.

You think that I should sing right here and now?

But what about my stage fright?

Courage and love go hand in hand, Miss Barclay.

By now, I am certain you have found all the courage you need.

Well, I guess I can give it a try.

Oh, my darling.

Oh, my darling.

Oh, my darling Clementine. Thou art lost and gone

forever.

Dreadful, sorry Clementine. In a cavern, in

a canyon, excavating for a mine, dwelt a

miner.

49er and his daughter Clementine.

She's here.

Lily's here.

This is the Jersey Lily Saloon in Langtree, Texas.

Doesn't it just take your breath away?

Permanently. And you must be Judge Roy Bean.

And I see you have a little singer, too.

Oh, no, Miss Lily. I mean, she sings just fine for a small -town girl, but

nobody in the world could ever be compared to you.

Well, he's right when you think of it.

I'm nothing.

You rang? Where have you been? I've been buzzing you for hours. I

have...

I'm a big Jimmy Jordan fan.

He was great, wasn't he?

You want to know what Jimmy Jordan looks like if you trace his picture, erase

his beard and draw in short hair?

You.

I don't see the resemblance.

And you want to know how you signed your name when you were too busy to think

about what you were doing?

Jimmy, which means... Which means my middle name is James.

Godfrey, I've been looking all over for you. Taylor, guess what? Godfrey is

really Jimmy Jordan. Come on, Cassie. The man has his faults, but rigor mortis

isn't one of them.

Don't you understand?

He's only faking being dead.

Nobody wants to listen to your adolescent fantasies.

I'm sure Godfrey has other fantasies in mind.

Do you like?

See if Michelle needs any help in this.

I take it back.

Maybe he is dead.

You sure gave me quite a scare when you didn't show up on the afternoon stage,

Miss Lily.

I thought you weren't coming at all.

Well, I dislike public conveyance, Judge Bain. Oh.

I didn't cause you any undue embarrassment, did I? Oh, no, no, no,

Miss Lenny, no.

Do you like your dressing room?

I like it.

It's splendid.

I must admit that you are the most ardent admirer I've had in a long time,

if you did spell my name wrong outside.

Actually, I am very flattered.

I'm the one who's flattered, Miss Lily. I can't wait to hear you sing out there

tomorrow. I built that stage just for you.

Sing? Tomorrow?

Oh. Well, I'm afraid that's out of the question. You see, I'm on my way to San

Francisco to appear in a play.

I'm going to be there in a week for rehearsals. I simply can't afford to

any time.

But the whole town will be turning out to see you.

It would be something they'd never forget.

I know I never would.

I'm sorry.

It's simply impossible.

You do understand.

Of course you do.

Judge Bean?

You've got to do something. The piano player says he's leaving. He hasn't even

played yet.

You're the piano player. You got it, pal.

And you can bet I'm leaving.

If I'd have known this alleged lady here was your sister, I'd have never shown

up in the first place.

He won't play unless Taylor apologizes, and Taylor won't apologize, and the

Winslows will be here any minute, and unless we have live music for the party,

the whole party will be a flop.

What's the use?

Everything's ruined.

could do anything right.

I know who can play and sing.

For God's sake, who?

Godfrey.

Oh, Cassie, this is no time for games.

Cassie, don't be ridiculous.

Look, you like Michelle.

I know you do.

Are you just going to stand there and let her cry?

You don't understand.

I understand fine.

No, you really are a creep.

You know, I really do a wonderful Jimmy Jordan impression.

and a lame butler.

Ain't got no trouble in my life No foolish dreams to make me cry

I'm never frightened or worried

I know I'll always get by.

I heat up and I cool down.

When something gets in my way, I go around it.

Don't let life get me down.

Gonna take it the way that I found it.

I got the music in me.

I got the music in me. I got the music in me.

I got the music in me. I got the music in me. I got the music in me.

I got the music in me. I got the music in me. I got the music.

Sweet, sweet music.

I got the music in me.

I got the music in me.

you don't mind cheap imitations, you know what I mean?

You better let me take over.

Yours.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

I'll get back to work.

What are you doing with that machine?

I'm getting proof he's really Jimmy Jordan.

Voices are as distinctive as fingerprints tattoo.

Oh, I learned that on Heart to Heart.

What do you think?

He looks like Jimmy Jordan.

Sounds like Jimmy Jordan.

Well, I think we shouldn't take any chances.

Come on.

Let's take it.

Jack's ball. I tell you, she was here.

Sure, Roy.

So was Lillian Russell.

Shut up, Dee.

All right, Roy, don't get mad now. Don't get mad.

Lillian Langtree was truly a great performer, wasn't she?

I don't know.

And I guess no one around here will unless... Mr. Rourke, do you always

on people like that? Oh, I'm sorry if I startled you, Ms. Barclay.

Mr. Rourke, I'm glad you showed up. Oh?

I'd like to make a deal with you.

Deal?

Well, I'll give up my fantasy.

If you'll help Roy.

Give up your fantasy?

But you've been dreaming about this for a long time.

Unlike my boxy.

You're very talented.

Thank you, Tattoo.

But if Lily Langtry doesn't sing here tonight...

Roy's name will be mud for the rest of history. Well, you cannot be held

responsible for Mr. Bean's boasting, Miss Barclay.

Still, legend does say that Lily Langtry sang here once.

I wonder how we could fulfill the legend as well as your fantasy.

Tattoo.

Here. This may give you an idea.

Oh, stop waving that billy gun around and go back where you belong. You don't

frighten us.

It's no use him sending you out here. I am leaving and that's it.

You're going to ruin Roy if you don't sing at his place tonight.

How can anybody get ruined in Langtree texture?

Where do you keep that white wig? The one with all the curls on it. And the

mask. The one you use in the poster.

In the trunk back there.

Open it up, driver.

I want the wig, the mask, and that fancy dress.

I'll see here.

Disguising yourself as a butler. Nice try, Jordan.

Talking about who are you guys?

We're troubleshooters.

You make trouble, we shoot you.

Come on. Out to the car. I don't know. This is a big mistake. I'm not going

anywhere with you guys. Out to the car.

I'm telling you guys, you're making a big mistake.

Take your hands off me.

I'm not the guy you want.

Godfrey! Godfrey! Everybody thought it was you singing and playing.

Wasn't he great?

No one had any idea he was just moving his hands and lips to this song from the

Jordan Jams album.

And you had Mr. Applebaum fooled completely.

Oh, he's a Hollywood producer, and I'm trying to convince him that Godfrey

should play the part of Jimmy Jordan in a TV movie.

Godfrey even looks like Jimmy Jordan, don't you think?

Jordan's a little taller than him.

Oh, come on, Godfrey.

I don't want to talk to you.

Where are you guys going anyway?

No place.

Somebody must have made a mistake. Yeah, right.

Now, do you see why I didn't want to play? Just tell me what's going on.

On the way to the party, I ran into someone trying to deliver a telegram.

I took the liberty of accepting it on behalf of Michelle.

Come on, let's get back to the party.

I invited you today because I want the people who are special to me to be the

first to hear the news.

Charles, will you join me?

I gathered you here to announce that Charles and I... Excuse me here.

Telegram for you, Mrs. Buchanan.

Later, Godfrey. Now.

All right, everybody.

This is the happiest day of my life.

Eat something. You'll feel better.

Have you flipped?

Someone's taken over Father's company.

It's back on its feet.

We can stay together.

I take it you and your business manager had something to do with that telegram.

How else was I going to get a raise?

Godfrey.

I have to speak to you for a minute.

Alone?

What is it, Michelle?

Something wrong?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Godfrey, but I'm going to have to fire you.

Fire me?

Why?

Because I... Well, I'm starting to have this special feeling for

you.

For me?

What if... What if I'm having the same special feeling

for you?

Are you?

You know...

I ever tell you boys about my date with Jenny Lynn?

You better shut up, Amos, before I make up a new law to hang you.

Hey, Roy, if you're claiming that Lily Langtree snuck into town just to see

who am I to say otherwise?

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen.

I couldn't bear the thought of leaving you disappointed.

Andrea.

He said you built that stage for the woman you love.

And only the woman I love will ever sing there.

Sing for us, Lily.

This is a new song that none of you have ever heard.

I'd like to dedicate it to my very dear friend, Judge Roy Bean.

They say that falling in love is

wonderful.

It's wonderful.

So they say.

And with a moon up above, it's wonderful.

It's wonderful.

So they tell me, I can't recall who said

it. I know I never read it.

I only know they tell me that love is great.

This thing that's known as romance is one

Forgive me?

Forgive you? You saved my reputation.

You were great.

But I know how disappointed you must be that you didn't hear the real Lily. Not

even Lily Langtree could have sung prettier than you.

Andrea.

Goodbye, Roy.

Goodbye, Mr. Roy. So long, Tattoo. Thank you. Bye, Tattoo. Bye, Mr. Roy.

Goodbye. Bye, Tattoo.

Are you going to follow them?

Well, those two hoods are still looking for me.

The butter cover worked once. I figured it would work again.

Besides, I've gotten pretty attached to them.

I've never been happier.

Thank you.

Thank you, Tattoo.

Duty calls.

Well, Miss Barkley, it seems you were a great success.

Thank you, Mr. Roark.

After playing Langtree, Texas, my stage fright has gone for good. And so history

will record that Lily Langtree once sang there. But I expect we'll soon be

hearing more about one Andrea Barkley.

Oh, incidentally, a friend of yours asked me to give you this.

Thank you for me, please.

Goodbye,

Mr. Roark.

Goodbye, Tattoo. Goodbye.