Original subtitles

Good morning, Bob. Good morning, Tattoo.

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

Who is the dish?

Dish? The lady is Miss Linda Whitney.

She works for Fresh Magic Cosmetics.

Is she a model?

She's a secretary.

What's her fantasy?

Miss Whitney is tired of the injustices her occupation often forces her to

endure. Her fantasy is to become the boss.

I know the feeling.

Then perhaps you, too, have something to learn.

That guy don't look too happy.

He has reason not to be, Tatum.

That's Mr.

Jesse Moreau. And the lady is his wife, Kathy.

She looks happy enough.

Yes, Mrs. Moreau thinks they're on vacation.

Her husband loves her too much to tell her the real reason they're here.

Hmm. Sounds scary.

It's more than scary, my friend.

Mr. Moreau is a victim of a recurring and terrifying dream.

His fantasy is to be rid of his nightmare forever.

What is the dream?

That he murders... his wife.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

This Fresh Magic Cosmetics ad is excellent, Miss Whitney. Excellent.

Thank you. My boss got a raise and a promotion for that ad.

But you told me that you did the ad.

That's just it. I did.

Mr. Rourke, I've been a secretary with Fresh Magic Cosmetics for 15 years now.

know that company inside and out. I've got great ideas, great ones.

But do I get the credit? No. Do I get a promotion?

No. Do I get overexcited? You bet.

I admire your...

Enthusiasm is with me.

And I believe we can do something to relieve your frustration.

Do you think you could prove your ability in, say, two days?

Absolutely. Now, I admire your confidence.

How does vice president in charge of advertising and publicity sound to you,

huh? Too good to be true. How?

The president of the conglomerate that owns Fresh Magic Cosmetics is an old and

dear friend of mine.

I told him about your fantasy, and he's agreed to let you demonstrate what you

can do.

You mean I don't have to type anymore or take dictation or smile?

Of course not. You're an executive now.

That's right.

I'm going to be great.

I will be decisive but fair.

I will be tough but gentle. I will be... I only have two days to prove myself?

Two days.

To make you feel more at home, we've moved your office to Fantasy Island.

Good luck, Miss Whitney.

Linda, I just heard about your promotion.

Congratulations.

Oh, thanks, Terry. Mr. Carr, I need you to go over these layouts. You have a

meeting at four.

Well,

well, well.

You finally made it out of the typing pool. Hi, Roxanne.

Why you and not me?

That's what I'd like to know. Well, I have been at Fresh Magic a long time.

True. I keep forgetting our age difference.

Well, congrats. Hey.

I just hope you can handle it. A desk would help.

Follow me.

It's all yours.

Don't get too hysterical. That lettering washes off with water.

Roxanne.

In a couple of days, it will be carved in stone.

Mr. Rourke, please, come in. Thank you, Miss Morrow.

I was expecting your husband to stop by my office. Is he here? Believe it or

not, he's taking a nap. He hasn't been sleeping very well the past couple of

weeks. Yes, he did mention that difficulty to me when he made

your visit.

Oh, did he?

Yes. Well, you know, he won't even discuss it with me.

Debbie! Debbie!

No!

Oh, Jesse. Oh, Jesse, darling.

You're awake now. It's okay.

Perhaps it's time you told your wife the truth, Mr. Morrow.

I don't have a lot of bad dreams, Kathy. I just have one. I keep dreaming over

and over again that I'm... that I'm trying to kill you.

Oh, darling.

Well, that's just a silly dream.

Unfortunately, it's more than that, Mrs. Morrow.

Your husband's grandfather and great -grandfather also had such dreams.

And each resulted in tragedy.

You don't mean that they... At exactly one minute past midnight on their 50th

birthday, each of your husband's ancestors... murdered their wives.

Oh, my God.

Try to understand, Kathy, that tomorrow is my birthday.

Oh, darling.

Well, it's still just a dream.

I mean, it's a coincidence.

Jesse, your mother's still alive.

My father was killed in an automobile accident when he was 38. Don't you

remember?

Jesse.

Jesse.

You love me.

And I love you.

Why, that's stronger than any family curse or whatever you think this is. I

to think that way, but my nightmare is so real that I... I can't take the

chance, Gabby.

It was the wives that were murdered.

If I divorce Kathy today, she'd be safe.

Now, you can help us out, Mr. Rock.

You know as well as I do there is much, much more to marriage than mere words on

a paper or the subterfuge of a convenient divorce, Mr. Moreau.

Then what can we do?

Your problem originated in a country house just outside Marseille, where your

ancestors lived.

I'm afraid, Mr. Moreau, To reach the end you desire, it will be necessary to

start at the beginning.

You mean you want us to go to that house in France?

No, no.

Here on Fantasy Island, the house will exist exactly, exactly as it was in the

past, but only for the duration of your fantasy.

When you are ready, all you have to do is go through that door and follow the

pathway to find it.

Is this the only way, Mr. Rourke?

I assure you it is.

I must also warn you, the only weapon you take with you is your love for each

other.

Guard that well, Mr. and Mrs. Moreau.

Hello? Yes, I am looking at them right now. They are much improved and I love

it. You bet. Could you hold on a sec? Thank you.

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Norton.

May I call you back?

Thank you.

Hold on. David, thank you very much.

Roxanne, I have got to have a secretary, please.

Would you tell personnel to speed it up a little bit? Thank you.

How did Rosalind Russell do it?

Linda, sweetheart, I heard about your promotion. I want you to know I'm

absolutely tickled.

I know I've lost the best secretary a guy could ever have, but hey!

This way we can visit in the executive washroom, huh?

Hey,

you're Cinco Maya, huh?

How much are they paying you?

That's none of your business, Mr. Turner.

I mean Ed.

That little, huh? I've got a lot of work to do.

Oh, temper, temper.

You've no reason to be mad at me.

I mean, when I heard about your promotion, I was just playing...

Right. And do you know why?

You lost your mind.

Funny.

No, I think you're going to prove a theory of mine right.

Yeah? Well, basically, it's that a woman just can't cut it as an executive.

Really? Yeah. Well, I mean, you ladies are good for one or two things. Like

thinking up ideas that our boss takes the credit for.

Like falling on your cute little... Busy, Ed. I'm very busy.

It's all right.

I was just leaving. It's all right.

I just wanted to let you know that I know all about this.

This whole setup is just temporary.

You've got only two days to prove yourself.

So? So I'm holding your job open for you. You're going to need it. You know

something, Ed?

Come in.

Miss Whitney? Yes?

I'm Jack Friday, your new secretary.

Some secretary, huh, sweetheart?

Tick -tock, tick -tock.

Time is running out.

George, can we take the camera off the tripod and get a few on your knees down

in there as close as possible?

Thank you.

Okay, remember, crazy, wild, hot, keep moving, never stop, keep in constant

motion.

Mr. Friday?

Just plain Jack will do. Jack, I don't know if we can work this out right.

What's the matter? Am I too tall?

Too hairy.

I'm not precious. I'm looking forward to working for you. You are?

Huh. I mean, women who've attained your level of success have worked hard to get

there. They tend to have their priorities straight and are generally

compassionate and understanding than their male counterparts.

They also have better legs.

When did you decide to become a secretary?

About three months ago when my unemployment benefits ran out.

And what was your prior job?

Aeronautics engineer.

I worked for a company that designed jetliners.

Guess whose company went under when the recession hit the big airlines?

Yours. Yeah.

But guess who spent his last 500 bucks going to secretarial school so he

wouldn't starve waiting for it to all be over?

You. That's right.

And I got straight A's all the way through. I type 80 words a minute, and I

shorthand at 120.

Make a note.

Hire that man Friday.

Thanks, boss.

Well, well, well.

The odd couple.

You mean you and you, Ed?

Oh, how sad.

Only a few hours and already you're starting to crack under the pressure.

Are you kidding? I'll handle this.

Are you kidding?

I've never been more serious.

Linda, you're playing in the big leagues now.

You've got to be ready to feel anything they throw at you. I'm ready. You've got

to be willing to do anything to get the job done. I'm willing. Yeah?

You're willing to do anything to get Vito Orsatti's endorsement?

Vito Orsatti, the clothes designer.

Vito Orsatti, the lech.

An important lech.

We need his endorsement for our new line of fragrances, remember?

Ed, the whole celebrity endorsement campaign was my idea, remember?

Tell that to Vito at lunch.

Lunch? Right.

Oh, by the way, Vito likes women to be nice to him.

You ready to be nice, Linda?

Lunch with Vito.

The kitchen.

How appetizing.

Oh, God.

So much for the grand tour. Seventeen rooms full of rats and dust.

Charming. I never promised you a honeymoon, Collins.

How strange.

A red rose.

Oh, Lord.

Direct pressure first aid, that's what's in order.

Shouldn't you be applying that pressure to my thumb?

I was working my way on down.

Why, I'd be whole God master, Jesse.

How do you know my name?

I'd be part of your past as well as part of your future, sir.

The hell you are. Now, what are you doing here?

Why, I'd be cutting off the head of the little chicken, sir.

Jesse!

I prepare him to feed you guests.

Oh, we're gonna be a grand party tonight, don't you know?

Your birthday party, sir.

Who are you? The caretaker who?

Ah, Missy, yes.

I take great care.

Great care.

Get out of here with that thing.

As you wish, sir. I go back to my little chicken.

Oh, if you need me, Master Jesse, I'd be close by.

Close by, that can be assured, Master Jesse.

Mr. Orsatti, I'm Linda Whitney.

I am honored.

No, no, no, no, no. I am blessed.

Please sit down.

Would you like some sock?

Allow me.

Mr. Orsatti, this is the ad.

that we would like to use to introduce your endorsement of our new cologne.

The Orsatti odor from the fresh magic fragrance.

I like it. We like it too, Mr. Orsatti.

You insult me.

Call me Vito.

Vito. Are we in business?

We are in a beautiful restaurant.

It's a beautiful day.

You are a beautiful woman.

I am.

Who wants to talk about business?

I thought that's why we were here.

I don't think so.

You chose this particular restaurant for a reason, no?

No, yes, yes, I have a house charge here.

No, no, no, no, I mean the setting, you know.

It is so romantic.

So seductive, so... So why don't you look at the contract?

How can I look at the contract when I'm looking at you?

I could move to another table.

Admit it, Linda.

You want me as much as I want you.

Yes, Vito, I do want you.

I really do.

I want you to represent fresh magic fragrance. And forget this fresh magic,

please. I'm a businesswoman, Mr. Orsatti.

So?

You scratch my back, I scratch yours.

You mean literally?

Why not?

You will get your endorsement, and I will get lucky.

It's quite fair.

Now, you tell me. I'm wrong.

You're wrong.

I couldn't do it.

I just couldn't do it.

Sacrifice your integrity? Sacrifice my body.

What am I, a piece of meat? Well, of course not.

But unfortunately, there are a lot of insecure men out there who try to assert

themselves by manipulating women.

Something which you refused to permit.

Linda, Linda, Linda!

Tough break, kid!

You really blew it with Arsati.

And it only took you one day to fail.

It would only take me one minute to put your lights out.

You're fired.

You can't fire him, Ed. He's my secretary.

You're not going to have any secretary if you don't pull yourself out of this

slump. I'm not worried about it.

Right.

Now, it's your hobby to pace.

Now, listen. I am meeting with Joanna Holland this afternoon.

I know.

Well, I think an endorsement from a major motion picture star more than

for Vito Orsatti.

No, it will. It will.

There's only one catch, though.

What makes you think you'll get it?

Why shouldn't I?

Well, you're a woman.

That's O for two, Linda.

Forgive me for startling you, Mrs. Morrow.

In this case, Mr. Rock, it's a pleasure.

Where is your husband?

He's sleeping. I just left him.

Mr. Rock, I heard music and strange

voices and men laughing. Yes.

I discovered something which you both should know.

The curse.

The plagues your husband's family began long ago with a man named Jacques Pierre

Moreau. Who was he?

A very wealthy, very cruel aristocrat who derived great pleasure from

Legend has it he killed his wife in celebration of his 50th birthday.

How horrible!

The evil he generated permeates the floors and walls of this house.

As did the blood of his murdered wife.

You must tell your husband what he faces.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, I will.

Did you hear that, Mr. Roark?

Mr. Roark?

Here we are, Miss Whitney. We're getting ready to park. Right there will be

fine. Ernest, I'd like you to meet Joanna Holland.

So would I.

I am Joanna Holland.

Oh, right.

I've seen all your films, and they're so wonderfully, uh, dirty.

Ernest, why don't you let Miss Holland smell the perfume you created?

We'd like to call it Essence of Joanna.

Wow, that's vivid.

So is that.

Honey doesn't like it.

Honey doesn't have to wear it.

How do you like it, Miss Holland?

Well, Miss Whitney, I think it's very nice, but... I'm sorry to interrupt, but

your son's on the phone. He needs to know right away if it's okay to sleep

at Jeff's tonight.

I love sleepover dates.

Uh, join Holland Jack Friday.

I'm a big fan.

You certainly are.

Heavy dynamics happening here.

Uh, Jack, you may tell my son that that's fine, thank you. Oh, right.

Very nice to meet you.

Well, what do you think?

I like him.

I mean about the perfume.

Oh. Well, to tell you the truth, Miss Whitney, perfume bores me to tears.

I'm more interested in, uh, other things.

Does that mean we're not going to get your endorsement? Oh, I didn't say that.

I might be persuaded.

What can I do?

Nothing.

But your Mr.

Friday might be able to accomplish a great deal.

My apartment?

Eight o 'clock tonight?

Oh, and tell him not to dress.

When those men saw me, it was almost... It was almost as if they were expecting

me. I know they can't exist, but I know they do. Please, please, Jesse, believe

me. Kathy, I do, I do. We don't stand a chance against them. Oh, please, please,

Jesse, let's get out of here. Kathy, listen to me. We've got to whip this

Mr. Rourke said that our love was our weapon. Against what?

Mr. Rourke also said that this house is filled with an evil so strong it's

lasted for centuries.

Oh, please, Jesse, please, let's get out of here. Okay, okay.

There's a back door in the kitchen.

Damn it.

Let's try that window.

Let's go back.

Melinda, sweetheart, what are you doing here?

Hiding?

Actually, Ed, I'm working.

What are you doing?

Gloating? Well, do you blame me? I hear Joanna Holland came and went without

your getting her endorsement. That can mean only one thing.

What does that mean, Ed?

Better start practicing your typing.

You're going to be calling me Mr.

Turner again any minute now.

Don't hold your breath.

I'm going to get that endorsement no matter what I have to do.

You buzzed. Yes, Jack, have a seat.

Jack, I would like to discuss something with you.

Actually, I'd like to ask you something.

Would it be possible, well, would you be comfortable with the idea of... Is this

a proposal?

More like a proposition.

Jack, ideally, a relationship between a boss and a secretary is like family,

like... Mother and son.

Or brother and sister.

Do you get what I'm driving at?

Well, they should be close.

Close, yes, and loyal.

Devoted. Devoted, exactly. They would do anything for each other. Right,

absolutely anything.

Which is why I want you to do anything with Joanna Holland.

What? You are the only one she will give her endorsement to.

Tonight.

Don't dress.

You'd ask this of your son? Your own son?

Brother, Jack, listen, I am desperate. If I don't get this endorsement, I will

lose my job, which consequently means that you will lose yours as well.

Okay. Oh, Jack, I will do anything to make this up to you. A three -week

vacation, a raise, whatever you want, you've got it.

Sure.

Just answer me one question.

What am I?

Up need some meat?

Not a pretty picture.

This house will never let us out.

There's about an hour of daylight left. I swear, Kathy, I'll find a way out. I'm

coming with you.

No, no.

You lock the door as soon as I leave. Don't let anyone in. Anyone.

Oh, I love you, Kathy.

Oh, got to be a fine party tonight, Master Jesse.

And that you and the mistress decide to join in? Going to be wonderful and deep.

Yes, sir. Stop it.

Pick it up, Master Jesse.

That's right.

Jacques Pierre's missus.

She'll want revenge.

She's going to have it, too.

That's right. Now.

Nice, clean shoes.

Up and down.

Up and down. That's it, Jessie.

She see your wife and say she gonna wait till midnight.

Wait for midnight, Jessie.

Midnight, Jessie.

That's it. We all wait for midnight, Jessie. That's it. Up and down. Up

and down.

Up and down.

Up and

down.

Going down?

I think I'm already about as low as I can get.

You're not enjoying your fantasy, Miss Whitney.

Oh, yes, it's wonderful.

It's great.

A word on your face don't match.

Just what seems to be your problem?

I'm turning into an Ed Turner.

Oh, no.

What's an Ed Turner?

He used to be my boss, and a lousy one.

I promised myself that if I ever got the chance, I'd be different.

Now I find that I'm treating my secretary the way Ed Turner used to try

me. Well, you know, Miss Whitney, perhaps you're only doing what you have

to be a success.

You mean being venal and rotten and corrupt?

Oh, there are those who believe those qualities are a business person's best

weapons.

You've heard of...

Looking out for number one, haven't you?

Yes, I have.

And I think it stinks.

I don't think any amount of success is worth sacrificing your integrity.

I'm getting off, Tattoo.

Where are you going?

To save my integrity.

And my secretary.

Thank you, Tattoo.

Who's the third glass for?

Oh, my dog loves the bubbly.

Of course, why didn't I think of that?

Well, here's to essence of Joanna.

And a highly successful business relationship.

Uh -huh. No, no, no, no.

Later.

All right. Here's to us and a highly superficial evening.

Jack.

Hi, Bob.

Talk about your bad timing.

You mean I'm too late?

No, you're too early.

Good. Then there's still time to save you.

From what?

From you.

Somehow I never thought of myself as a fate worse than death.

Neither did I.

Well, you see, the point is that Jack here is not a piece of meat. And I don't

have the right to offer him in exchange for an endorsement.

Besides, that's not the kind of businesswoman I want to be.

Anyway, this perfume is a very good product all by its little self.

And so is this contract.

With or without Jack as a fringe benefit.

That's all I have to say.

Take it or leave it.

I'm not used to people giving me ultimatums.

And I am tired of people playing games.

Jack, I will never ask you to work overtime again. I promise.

Actually, it's quite all right.

As a matter of fact, I'll probably never ask you to do anything again.

I have the feeling I'm out of a job.

Hey, hey.

Easy on the heartstrings.

I may be cheap, but I'm also sensitive.

You've got your endorsement.

You're kidding.

There it is.

I like your style.

And I also like the fact that you would risk your job to save this young man's

honor.

Yeah. Thanks a lot.

My pleasure.

I'm glad somebody got some.

Jeffy, what are you doing?

He told me,

he told me to wait until midnight.

Jesse, Jesse, the doors are made of wood.

You can use the hatchet.

Please, please, hurry. We've only got five minutes to go, Jesse.

No, no, please, please, Jesse, don't stop.

It must be near midnight.

No, no, no, please, please, please, darling, please. We've got to join the

party. No, no, no, Jesse, no, no.

Jesse, how kind of you to join us for your birthday celebration.

For you, my dear.

Blood red, you see.

Our favorite color.

Happy birthday, Jesse.

No!

No power on earth is as strong as love, Jesse!

Love is life, Jesse!

And I love you!

Madam Vice President.

Ah, you heard.

That your fantasy is now a reality? Oh, yes.

Congratulations, Miss Whitney. Thank you. It's one of those working vacations

that really paid off, Mr. Rourke. But I couldn't have done it without you.

And your secretary, wasn't he helpful?

My man Friday?

I couldn't have done it without him either.

But you know what they say.

An employer is only as good as her employees.

Thank you once again. You're welcome, Miss Whitney. Tattoo? Bye -bye.

Oh. Yes? Is that true that the top guy is only good as the people who work for

him? Oh, absolutely.

Absolutely. Oh, wow.

In that case, you must be great.

Right, boss?

Maybe we'll come back for my next birthday celebration, Mr. Rowe.

Without nightmares.

Oh, definitely, Tattoo. I believe I can assure you there will be no more

nightmares. I'm still not certain just how that so -called curse got started in

the first place.

Legend has it that your ancestor, Jacques Pierre Moreau, not only killed

wife in the revelry of his 50th birthday party, he also made a mistake of not

knowing she was a witch.

And so before she died...

She put a curse on the whole family?

Precisely.

But now, through the power of your love for each other, you have removed that

curse forever.

Goodbye. Goodbye, Mr. Moreau.

Bye -bye, Mr. Moreau. Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

I like it this way better.

Amen, the two.

Amen.