Original subtitles

The princess?

Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

Good morning, Bob.

Good morning, Gertrude.

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

There he is, boss.

Yes, Tattoo, your favorite comedian, Mr. Bo Gillette.

Who is the pretty lady with him?

Miss Jenny Casey, Mr. Gillette's fiancée. And as you can no doubt tell,

of them are very much in love.

Which one has the fantasy?

Mr. Gillette. His fantasy is for his family to come to life.

The people he talks about in his act? Right. You mean they don't really exist?

No. His colorful West Texas relatives are purely imaginary, Tattoo.

In fact, he keeps a closely guarded secret.

But why, boss?

You will find out in due time.

That's curious.

What is, boss?

Those two young ladies.

I don't recall that they were listed in the flight manifest.

Oh, I know them both.

The first lady is Claudia Mills, and the other one is Harriet Wilson.

Miss Claudia Mills and Miss Harriet Wilson. How interesting that you should

them. You know, I always say that marriage is the most sacred of all human

institutions.

Yes, that's right.

Well, they are here to get married.

Oh. The only problem... They don't know their husband yet.

Could it somehow be that you are involved in arranging such a meeting?

No, we left it to the computer.

Computer? Right.

We? Yes.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't tell you about my partner, Ambrose.

Ambrose? He's the one with the computer.

Ah. We call our business the Ideal Med Encounter Service.

The ideal mate what?

Encounter service.

Encounter... Oh, the ideal mate encounter service, of course.

You realize that matrimony is an arena of great potential risk to everyone

concerned. Don't worry, Bob. I can handle it. That's precisely what worries

most.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host. Welcome to Fantasy Island.

To tell you the truth, Mr. Rourke, I'm more interested in my fantasy than I am

checking out that stage. In your case, Mr. Gillette, the stage is vital to your

fantasy. As you realize, your family lives only in the deepest recesses of

mind, where you conceived them while still a boy in the St. Bridget

But you can bring them to life for me, right?

Oh, yes, yes. I can help you do that, Mr. Gillette, in the same way you

delighted the other children in the orphanage.

The way you've made audiences laugh from coast to coast for the past ten years

and made them think your family was a real one.

You mean by me doing my act?

Precisely.

You know, it's like you said, Mr. Rourke. I've been doing an act for ten

And my family hadn't come alive yet.

Ah.

But this...

It's Fantasy Island, Mr. Gillette.

You must realize that once your family becomes real, they will be precisely

that, real people, with minds and motives of their own over which you will

no control whatsoever.

That's no problem, Mr. Rourke. They're wonderful people. They're warm and

friendly. They're family. I see.

Oh, Jenny's going to love him.

You know, I'm doing this for her.

She doesn't know I'm an orphan. And that my family's just make -believe.

You could tell her the truth, Mr. Gillette. Not yet.

Not yet.

I played it this way too long.

And I want her to see me like I really am.

With real people and a family that loves me.

Yes. Well, as you wish.

Mr. Gillette.

Now, if you'll step onto that stage and begin your act, please.

Well, here goes.

I, uh...

See, you folks are kind of into them fancy Polynesian drinks, huh?

You know the fanciest drink we ever had in my part of Texas?

Tennessee sour mash and a beer back.

I'll never, ever forget when my mama caught me drinking for the first time.

She sat me down and drank shooter for shooter with me until, well, I

was sick. I had to go out to that little house.

That, well, you know, the one with the half moon in the door.

I always said that that place, well, in the wintertime it was 30 yards too far

away and in the summer it was 30 yards too close.

But, you know, I never worried Mama. She was always too busy telling Uncle Jack

that his moonshine was too weak to clean windows with.

But, now, Uncle Jack played banjo better than he made moonshine.

And he was usually happy as a possum eating bees.

Except one time, he caught his daughter. Now, that would be my second cousin,

Lindy. She entered in a wet T -shirt contest down at the Dew Drop Inn.

And she tried to convince him that she just walked in out of the rain, and they

handed her the trophy.

Now, Uncle Jack didn't buy that for a minute.

Mom!

Uncle Jack!

Lindy! Hey, Mr. Roar!

You did it! We did it!

Tarnation! My family!

Come into my heart! So good to see you!

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Oh, why, thank you.

My name is Tattoo.

I'm from the Ideal Mate Encounter Service.

The what?

The Ideal Mate Encounter Service.

Oh, yes, of course. How nice.

Oh, I'm so excited. I brought with me the computer return form you asked me to

bring. And also, the picture you sent me of the man I'm to marry.

Oh, he's wonderful.

When can I meet him?

Is something wrong?

Wrong?

What could be wrong?

Nothing is wrong.

Excuse me, Miss Mill, but I have to leave right away.

See you later.

But... Miss

Wilson.

Wait for me.

Hello. Hello.

I'm Tatu, from the Ideal Mate Encounter Service.

The what?

The Ideal Mate Encounter Service.

Oh, yes, of course. You've come to introduce me to the man I'm going to

Right. Do you have your return card?

Oh, yes, it's right here.

He's the most handsome man I've ever seen.

Thank you.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

I think I just got fired.

What did you say?

I say I just got inspired.

Oh.

I have to go.

See you later, Miss Wilson.

We all know where we come from.

From Bo's mind.

That's where we is born.

It's likely, Will, we'll die unless we do some mighty fast thinking.

Remember when Bo didn't used to think about nothing but us?

He'd sit around just dreaming up new ways to work us into his act.

Yeah, then she come along, that Jenny gal.

You know, seems like Bo don't think about nothing nowadays excepting her.

Mama's right.

We've got to change all that.

Who does she think she is?

Taking our place, his kin.

Family's been with him since he was knee -high to a stump.

Why, we made him a big city success.

And what if they used to have young 'uns? Why, he'd shove us so far back

his mind that we'd probably just fade off until we was just nothing.

I suspect there's only one thing to do.

I know you'd come up with something.

We gotta bust them two up.

How?

Sick Lindy of the bow.

Ain't no man yet Lindy wasn't able to tickle the hay with.

Well, you know how strong Will Bow is.

What if it don't work?

Simple.

If Lindy don't get the job done, then you're just going to have to kill that

Jenny, Uncle Jake.

The computer showed no signs of internal malfunction.

I don't know. I don't know.

What about all those lights there?

Maybe they've been out.

No, they don't have anything to do with it. So why the computer sent out those

pictures of the boss?

I don't know.

I federed all the data you requested.

Profiles and photographs of the most handsome and sophisticated men on

Island. It was supposed to select the perfect mate for our lady customers.

a picture of the boss.

The computer picks the boss every time.

Well, in a way, I guess we can consider ourselves lucky the mail hasn't been

picked up yet.

Imagine, next week, Mr. Rourke might have had 200 more brides arriving.

Boy, I'd hate to be in our shoes.

I think we already are.

What am I going to do?

How am I going to leave the island without opposing me?

After that.

Swimming lessons.

Yeah.

Hey, everybody.

Here's somebody I want you to meet.

Jenny, this is my mom, my Uncle Jack,

and my cousin Lindy. And this is the little gal that I'm going to marry.

How do you do?

We do just fine.

Honey, I'm sure glad you're here.

Now you can buy me another drink. I had four of these here umbrella things, and

I don't even feel no buzz.

Mama, you shouldn't drink so much.

Honey, if I hadn't done the things I was told not to do, you wouldn't even be

here, sonny boy.

Now go ahead and order me another drink, and this time see that there's some

mule kick in it.

You know, you can't get too mad at Mama Gillette for getting thirsty. This here

is steamy weather.

Takes some getting used to.

I love it. I think it's just real sexy.

Well, it sure beats that West Texas wind, that's for sure.

It blowed so hard out there one time I seen old hen with her back to it lay the

same egg three times.

Oh, mercy.

Ain't that fun?

Listen, Uncle Jack.

You better stop looking at them half -naked women or your face maker's going

overload.

Come on, Mama Gillette, let him look.

Beats the heck out of sitting around home watching that old pickup truck

Well, Jen, what do you think of my family so far?

Well, they're just the way you've always described them, Bo.

Yeah, well, good.

Because they're going to be your family, too, for long.

Yes, come in.

Oh, I was told that I could find you here, Mr. Rourke.

Oh, and now that I see you up close, you're even more handsome than in your

picture. Oh, well, that's very flattering, Miss Mills, isn't it?

Claudia, but don't be so formal.

Oh, thank you, Claudia.

Claudia, I'm curious.

May I ask exactly what picture you're referring to?

Oh, yes.

The ideal mate in counter service, of course.

I was thinking that a garden wedding would be lovely, don't you?

Well, I... Oh, with a lot of champagne and flowers and music.

Oh. I prefer Mozart if you don't have any objections.

Oh, no, no, no, absolutely not.

I've always thought that garden weddings are lovely, too.

I can hardly wait to make the additional arrangements that will be required.

Tattoo? Oh, this is perfect.

You're perfect, Mr. Rourke. Oh, you don't know how happy you've made me. Oh,

no, no. On the contrary, it is you who have made me happy, Claudia.

Tattoo! Do you think that we should have a rehearsal? Or do you think that we

should jump in without me? Oh, no, no, no, no. We needn't be so hasty. We can

decide at least. You know, actually, there are so many other details which I

shall have to attend to.

For instance, I'll have to have a talk with my assistant, Tattoo.

A very long talk, if you will excuse me.

Oh, of course, Mr. Rourke.

I'll just go back to my bungalow and get unpacked.

Excellent idea, Claudia.

Excellent. Oh, Mr. Rourke.

Do you think that I could be more informal? I mean, now that we're going

married?

Oh, of course, Claudia.

Of course.

You do have a first name.

Oh, yes.

Yes, indeed I do.

Tattoo?

But what is your first name?

Tattoo?

Tattoo?

Tattoo?

Oh, there you are.

I've been looking all over for you.

Oh, well, I'm delighted.

Is there something I can do for you?

Mr. Rourke. Yes?

I'm Harriet Wilson.

Yes?

You know, the ideal maiden counter service.

Oh, yes, yes, I'm quite familiar with it.

Here you are.

Oh, Mr. Rourke, I think you'd take a wonderful picture.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I think we ought to be married at sea, don't you?

Well, I... At dawn.

And we ought to read our own vows.

I've already written mine.

Yes.

Yes, that would lend a certain romantic flavor to the ceremony.

Tattoo?

Forgive me for shouting. The excitement of such a momentous occasion.

And there are so many preparations that must be made.

Tattoo is my associate in charge of weddings.

I have a few things to say to him.

So if you will please excuse me.

looked at me. It was scary, like they hated me.

Well, you know what? You really beat all. You have met every big celebrity in

Nashville, Tennessee. Never affected you a bit.

Little old family from Texas comes up and they got you up in smoke.

Hon, you don't know how important it is for me, for you to like my family.

Give them a chance, would you, huh?

I'm sorry, Bo.

I'll try to like them.

I really will.

That I care.

Listen, Cousin Lindy said she wanted me to meet her down by Twin Falls. Said

something was wrong with Mama a little bit, so I'll go on down there. Why don't

you come on down a little bit, okay? We'll have a nice quiet supper

Well, I must say, Tattoo, you've been quite elusive today.

Well, we were busy.

I see.

Mr. Tuttle? How are you, Mr. Rourke? Fine, thank you.

Did you come to see the computer?

Actually, I am here for quite a different reason.

I thought you would like to be the first to know that I am engaged to be

married.

Thank you, but to two entirely different women.

I strongly suspect that these marital commitments originated in this very

room.

Tattoo?

Ambrose, explain.

Mr. Rourke, it was a mistake.

Oh. The computer malfunctioned.

We are very sorry, boss.

But maybe you have a suggestion.

Yes, I do.

You must find other suitable husbands for Miss Wilson and Miss Mills at once.

Do you think your computer is capable of that, Mr. Tuttle?

I sure hope so, Mr. Rourke.

Oh, I do too, Mr. Tuttle. As I recall from her profile...

Miss Mills was the bouncy, all -American type girl.

Now, this gentleman should be ideally suited for Miss Mills.

Well... At least that will leave me with only one fiancée.

However, you will also find a suitable husband for Miss Wilson, won't you, Mr.

Tuttle? Oh, sure.

Mr. Tuttle, are you quite certain that this is the only gentleman on Fantasy

Island who would fulfill the high standards set down by your matrimonial

services? The computer never lies.

Well, then, congratulations, Mr. Tuttle, on all the happiness in the world.

What?

Me? And Harriet Wilson?

Yes.

But I don't want to get married.

Oh, Mr. Tuttle. Total, Tattoo and I have already agreed that marriage is the

most sacred and cherished institution.

Oh, and I will arrange for you a most marvelous ceremony, I assure you. You

be very pleased.

And now, gentlemen, good day.

I got your message about Mama Ayla. What's the matter with her, Lindy? You

better sit down, Bo.

Oh, it can't be that bad. She's healthy as a horse.

You've been crying.

Bo, your mama means an awful lot to me.

Almost as much as you do.

And I know that with faith and love, I know she's going to be all right, but I

just need you to comfort me, Bo. You could just hold me.

Now, you could... Listen, that's a lot of comfort in there, cousin.

Make that second cousin, Linda.

Bo?

Oh, Lord. Jen, now don't you go believing what you thought you just saw.

We was talking about Mama.

I know what I saw, Bo Gillette.

And with your own cousin.

Second cousin. That don't count.

I don't know what's going on with your family, Bo, but it isn't good fun like

you're always talking about.

All I know is I never want to see your awful family again.

Ever.

I still don't understand why you brought me here.

I wanted to meet a man.

But I'm not interested in meeting a man.

Perfectly happy with the man the computer selected for me.

Mr. Rourke.

You see that man in the hot tub?

Who is he?

Boardwalk. Brian Sims.

Boardwalk who?

He's a pro football star.

He was all pro for three years.

I'm sorry, Tattoo. I've never been much of a football groupie.

The computer says he's perfect for you.

Perfect. I'm sorry, Tattoo.

Anyway, Mr. Rourke has been making plans for our wedding.

As a matter of fact, he has been so busy that I've hardly had a chance to see

him.

I've got an idea.

Follow me.

Why don't you sit down there?

Now, look at me in the eyes.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Oh, it's something that I thought about too many times.

Oh.

Now, watch my eyes.

Concentrate.

Excuse me.

You're Claudia Mills?

Yes. My name is Ambrose Tuttle.

I thought Tattoo would be with you.

As a matter of fact, he just... He just left.

Oh?

I'm sorry I disturbed you. I just wanted him to know that my computer was acting

up again.

Computer? What do you mean, acting up?

I don't know if it's a CRT or the memory interface.

Gee, I'm sorry. I know all this technical language doesn't mean anything

For your information, I graduated from a systems analysis class. I love

computers. No kidding?

Gee, I hope this doesn't sound real dumb or anything, but I built my computer

myself. If you want to, maybe you'd like to take a look at it.

You know what?

I'd love to.

Well, what are we waiting for?

It's not the greatest -looking computer you've ever seen.

Well, what am I going to do, Mr. Roar?

I've never seen Jenny this upset.

I mean, she won't even speak to me. Which is exactly the way your family

it. They feel threatened, you see.

The more Miss Casey dominates your mind and your heart, the less real they

become.

And they want to stay, Mr. Gillette.

They want to stay at any cost.

Well, then, you're telling me that if I want to hold on to Jenny, I can't have

my family, is that right?

Isn't it about time you realized that your act is not your life, Mr. Gillette?

Miss Casey is real, and she loves you, not your act.

You must choose which you really want, your family or Miss Casey.

What's Jenny? You know that.

But how do I do it?

By simply realizing that your family needs you far more than you need them.

Think about it, Mr. Gillette.

And I have a feeling you will then tell Miss Casey the truth.

Thank you, Mr. Rourke.

Yes, sir.

Will you excuse me, please?

May I inquire how you happened to get hypnotized?

Boss, I was just trying to introduce Miss Wilson to the man that accomplished

her choice for her.

But she won't cooperate, huh?

So you tried to hypnotize her?

Yes, boss. But I think we are in big trouble.

Oh, no, the two, not at all.

You are in big trouble.

Me?

I am sorry, Tattoo. This is something you must work out for yourself.

And you must keep foremost in your mind that if you do not succeed in fulfilling

the fantasies of those two young ladies, you may give Fantasy Island a very bad

reputation, maybe irreparable.

Boss, I will try to think of something.

No, Tattoo. You must think of something.

I got nothing to say to you, Beau Gillette, so just go away.

Jim, I gotta talk to you for just a minute.

Well, all right, but just for a minute, and that's all.

Well, it's something I should have said a long, long time ago. You know those

people you met today?

Mama and Uncle Jack and Cousin Lindy?

They're not my real family.

What do you mean they're not your real family?

I ain't got a real family.

I'm an orphan.

They're just somebody I cooked up out of my mind.

I don't understand, Bo. I mean, they're alive, same as you and me.

Not really.

You see, I came here to Mr. Rourke with a fantasy.

They're a fantasy?

That's it.

I wanted to bring my fun, happy family to life for one weekend, and I wanted

to meet them. And I wanted you to learn to like them and love them like... Like

I have for so many years.

So you never really had a family of your very own?

No. It's like I said, I cooked them up out of my own mind. But the more I told

stories about them, the more real they became.

And, Jen, they were important to me.

We came down some rough roads together.

And that's why I wanted them to be real.

Not something just in my head.

I'm sorry, Bo. I don't believe anybody can do what you're saying. Even Mr.

Rourke. I didn't either.

Until I saw it.

See, and there's only one thing I want you to believe.

That I love you, and I want you to be my wife more than anything in the world.

That's all I want, too, Bo.

I'm going to go on that stage tonight, and they're going to be there.

And I want you there, too.

And I'll show you, Jen, how very much I do love you.

I'm sure this Ambrose is a very nice man, but I still don't want to meet him.

He's a great man. He's a genius. No.

Tattoo, isn't that Brian Sims, the football star?

You don't want to meet him.

Why not?

Bed wheels.

Huh? You know, a bed length.

Oh, yes.

Come on.

No, I'm sorry, Tattoo. I'm not going with you. That's my final word on the

matter.

Hi, I'm Harriet Wilson.

Hi.

I saw you play in the Super Bowl last year when you broke all those NFL

in one game. It was great.

Oh, thank you.

I'm sorry about your knee.

Well, I can see it still gives you a lot of pain, doesn't it?

I should be wearing my brace, but every once in a while I just feel like taking

it off out here where nobody can see me like this. Oh, you poor thing.

Here, let me help you.

Do you think we could sit down for a minute? I'm having a tough time defying

gravity here.

Oh, your knee.

Oh, of course. How thoughtless of me. Oh, I'm sorry.

Here, yes. Come right over. Oh, it's fine.

Now, be careful.

I'm fine.

All right.

Now, gently.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, boy.

Is that better?

That's much better, yes. Okay. Thanks, but you think you could look at this one

over here?

I mean, I'm having trouble with this one now. Oh, gee.

And Mama finally said, well, now we've had enough and we're going to give.

And, boy, we did.

We took off like a herd of turtles for a place called Nacogdoches, Texas.

Now, if you ain't ever been to Nacogdoches, well, let's put it like

ain't one of the metropolitan areas of the Southwest. You've got to be going to

Nacogdoches because it ain't on the way to nowhere.

And I said, well, we're here. I've got to do something.

I said, I like them 18 -wheelers, and I think I'd like to drive a truck.

That was before I got acquainted with truck drivers.

Now, them sap suckers, most of them are big and tough.

And some of the women is tougher than the men.

Oh, yeah.

You take Rita Ballou. Now, I guarantee you, there's a gal that could drink and

dance any of us under the table and then get up at 2 o 'clock and help you load

your semi.

So, naturally, she got the job driving the truck and I got fired.

No, honey.

You didn't get fired.

You quit.

Just like you're fixing to do tonight.

I figured

it was about time these folks met your family.

Uh, well, uh...

Mr. Ward, can't you see what they're trying to do to Bo?

Oh, yes, Miss Casey. Their intentions are quite clear.

If they win now, he will never be able to separate fantasy from reality again.

Well, you have to stop him.

I'm afraid I can't, Miss Casey.

Only he can stop me.

His mind and his love for you.

I entered the Dolly Parton look -alike contest.

Lindy took first prize for looking like herself.

All

right, I want

you off my stage.

I know you're trying to hurt me, but why are you trying to wreck my act?

Honey, we are the act. We always have been.

Oh, don't give in to them.

Our love is stronger than all of them put together.

I apologize for this interruption, but that won't happen again.

Because, well, after tonight, my family's not going to be in my act

And the reason is that, well, they're not my family. They never were.

Well, not my real family.

I'll admit that there's some times when, boy, it would have been real nice to

have a mama to tuck me in and tell me stories or maybe an Uncle Jack to teach

to play the banjo or...

Pretty cousin to teach, well, you know what pretty cousins teach.

But truth of the matter is that the only family I got in the whole wide world

is right here.

And I love you, Jen.

You won, Bo.

You won.

I love them, too.

But I guess there's a time in every man's life when he's got to leave one

and move on to a new one.

Well, I thank you folks for being here. Good luck. God bless.

And come see old Bo now and then.

Thank you so much.

Yes, come in.

Good evening Harriet.

Do come in. Please have a seat, won't you? Now, I apologize if I seem to have

been neglecting you, but you see, unfortunately, some of the preparations

been extremely time -consuming.

Unfortunately for me. Mr. Roach. Yes, Harriet.

There's something I have to tell you.

What is it, Harriet?

I can't marry you.

What? You see, I've met another man.

A man who suffered a great deal of pain.

A man who needs someone to look after him.

To take care of him.

Miss Wilson, I can only say that... that I

admire your courage for coming here and telling me personally

rather than have me hearing it from a total stranger.

Oh.

Thank you for understanding.

Goodbye, Mr. Rother.

Goodbye, Miss Wilson.

I trust you're enjoying yourselves. Mr. Rourke.

Oh, Mr. Rourke. Could I speak to you for a few minutes? Of course, Claudia.

Privately. It's very personal.

Will you excuse us?

Mr. Rourke.

Yes, Claudia.

I don't know quite where to begin.

Well, why not begin at the beginning?

Please understand how painful this is for me.

Oh?

I only hope that you'll be brave enough to hear what I have to say.

I'll try to be. I'll try very hard to be, Gloria.

I... Yes?

I can't go through with our wedding, Mr. Rourke.

What?

I've met someone else.

Oh, Mr. Rourke, Ambrose is such a dear and gentle man.

I... I understand, Miss Mills.

And I can certainly see why you are attracted to him.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Rourke.

Tattoo gave me the courage to speak to you.

Oh, I see.

He said you'd be understanding.

And he was right.

Yes, you did indeed, that too.

Yes.

Now tell me, what is this I hear about you taking a crash course in swimming

lessons?

Would you believe it if I tell you I want to become a frogman?

Not for a minute, no.

Frogman.

Frogman.

That, too, my friend.

I want you to have this. Remember me by it. It's an old Texas custom.

Oh, thank you.

Mr. Rourke, Bo and I would like to thank you for everything.

I'm very happy for both of you.

Goodbye, Mr. Gillette.

Miss Casey, much happiness.

Wave, tattoo, wave.

Tattoo, may I?

Oh, yes.

Oh, it's a beautiful hat.

Take it to my office, will you?

We'll have it sized down to fit you. Don't worry. It's a beautiful hat.

Thank you.

Thank you, boss.

Thank you.

Yes.

Well, I guess this is goodbye, Mr. Rook.

Thanks for everything.

And especially for being such a good sport. Oh, not at all.

And that goes for me, too.

Goodbye, Mr. Ward.

Tattoo? Goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. and Mrs. Sims, and congratulations on your marriage.

Thank you.

We'd like to thank you, too. Oh, thank you.

This is goodbye for a while, Tattoo, but you keep an eye on my computer for me,

will you?

I will. I've got plans for it.

Goodbye, Miss Mills, Mr. Tuttle.

Mr. Rourke?

Tattoo? Goodbye, Batman.

Tell me, Tattoo.

Exactly what kind of plans do you have for the computer, huh?

Well, the fantasy came out all right, didn't it? After taking a somewhat

torturous course, they did, yes.

Then I don't see why I should go out of business.

Because we don't want to have any more torture around here.

That's why.