Original subtitles

Good morning, boss.

Oh, you look so great. You look so fantastic.

Thank you.

The boutonniere, may I ask what it's for?

Oh, the boutonniere is for you, boss.

There you are.

You're going to look smashing.

There you are. Oh, you look fantastic.

Really beautiful.

Can I do anything for you, boss?

Anything else?

Tattoo, why am I suspicious?

Suspicious? You?

Well, gosh, boss, I don't know.

Perhaps it is because you seem to be trying to kill me with all this

And that usually means something is definitely wrong.

Wrong?

Oh, here comes the rover.

Well, boss, we don't want to be late. Let's go.

Wait, boss.

Oh, hold it.

Tattoo. Hey, boss. We don't want our guests to be waiting.

Come on, let's go.

There you are.

Are you all right, boss?

Yes.

Smiles, everyone, smiles.

Ah, Mr.

and Mrs. Peter Rawlings from Hollywood, California.

Hollywood? Yes.

Are they famous movie star or something?

Or something.

Yes, you see, while Mr. Rawlins isn't exactly famous, you have seen him in

of your favorite movies and didn't know it.

I didn't? You didn't. You see, for the past 23 years before his retirement, Mr.

Rawlins was Hollywood's premier stuntman.

What's his fantasy, boss?

Mrs. Rawlins believes they are here so Mr. Rawlins can be reunited with his

who is currently one of Hollywood's top stuntmen. You see, after a bitter

argument... Father and son haven't spoken in the last five years.

But there is something more.

Something that Mr. Rollins didn't tell his wife.

Oh, indeed it is. You see, Mr.

Rollins' real fantasy is to save his son's life.

His son's life? Is he in danger?

Mr. Rollins thinks so.

You see, he feels that his son has never stopped competing with the legend Mr.

Rollins left behind.

With each picture, his stunts become more dangerous, more daring.

Until now, Mr. Rawlings has stayed on the sidelines and remained silent.

Until now? What will happen now?

Mrs. Marjorie Gibbs, all the way from Santa Fe, New Mexico, where she operates

the Ace Truck Stop Fast Food Grill.

Mrs. Gibbs' fantasy is to compete in and win the Fantasy Island Grand Cuisine

and Cookery Contest.

Yes.

Well, you see, a new freeway bypassed her establishment.

So all of her old customers, the long -haul truckers on Highway 5, have

contributed money to send her here. Mrs. Gibbs hopes that winning our cookery

contest will give her the money to relocate her restaurant on the new

Some of the most famous chefs in the world are here for her contest.

How does she hope to win?

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Look, there's Bill.

Print!

Print!

Hey, made you look like a million dollars.

A cakewalk! You guys all right? No. Hank might have broke his arm.

Oh, come on. He's a tough old boy.

Bill, I told you somebody'd get hurt.

Somebody saw a pipe, Paul.

Well,

I see retirement agrees with you both. You look like an ad for a health spa.

Did you ever consider getting off your royal duff and getting back into

Hi, Mom.

Oh, Billy.

You look great. Excuse me. Hey, Jim, I got a small problem on the next gag.

Billy,

aren't you going to say hello to your father?

Hi, Pete.

Like I said, Jim, I've got a problem setting up the next stunt.

Cleve Mitchell was going to take the fall, right? He was supposed to be in on

last night's plane, only he missed connections, and now I'm one man short.

It's okay with you. I'd like Butch to take that fall.

I thought Butch was going to be your safety man in case you had a problem.

I'm not going to have a problem.

Besides, this will be a more spectacular stunt.

Perhaps Mr. Rollins could fill in.

What? No way.

Aren't you letting your personal feelings interfere with your judgment,

Rollins? But it hasn't worked in five years.

Still in pretty good shape. I can handle it.

I said no way.

I'm the stunt coordinator, and I said no.

Bill, I am sorry to pull rank on you, but you know the kind of schedule that

we've got.

And I just can't afford to lose any more men.

Now, you're the stunt coordinator, and you call all the shots.

But let's let your dad fill in on this one.

Get yourself to wardrobe, get outfitted, and meet me at the cliffs.

Pete!

What are you doing?

It's all right.

I can handle it.

And it might give Father and Son the opportunity to view each other from a

somewhat different perspective, Mrs. Rawlings.

Exactly.

You go on, Mr. Rourke, honey. Don't worry about anything.

I'll see you after we wrap.

Mr. Rourke, my fantasy was for a father and son reunion, not for a twin

funeral.

Thank you for it. You're welcome.

Oh, my goodness.

Look at all that beautiful food.

Yes, it is rather impressive, isn't it? Oh, yes. Ah, Mr. Lang, so nice to see

you again. Mr.

Joe Lang, this is Mrs.

Marjorie Gibbs, one of your competitors.

Charmed, I'm sure.

Likewise.

We're going to have a very tasty fantasy.

Oh, I would say so, yes.

We have the super star of the gourmet world.

But does that mean that I don't have a prayer?

Oh, Mrs. Gibbs, where is your faith?

This is Fantasy Island.

I wouldn't have agreed to your fantasy if you didn't have a chance.

However, as the two said, they are the best chefs in the world.

Carlo Franconi from Italy.

Michael Gabor from Budapest.

Oh, look at that.

Yes.

Antoine de Beauvais.

One of the great chefs of France.

Isn't that so, Fatou? Oh, yes, but... At least he was.

His famed Paris restaurant, Chez Antoine, was recently demoted from three

to one on the gourmet guide.

You might be wary of him, Mrs. Gibbs. It is said he is a desperate man. He can

only regain his reputation by winning this weekend here.

Well, I'm not afraid of competition.

Not too much.

That's the right attitude.

Now, the grading will be continued under the direction of our chief judge,

Georges Bouffetout, the world -famed authority on haute cuisine.

Come, let me introduce you.

A bit thin on the belt, mon dieu.

Georges?

Georges Bouffetout? Mon ami, votre placer.

I didn't know that you were going to do the judging.

Well, you'd be hard -pressed on this one, old boy. You've only one star left

lose. After this, it's running one of those junk food franchises that are so

infesting the colonies, what?

Oh, look how cute we are.

She's too cute to cook.

I'm not going to cook it.

Idiot.

Voilà. La pièce de résistance.

Fresh pâté.

Super knife for a goose.

And she's a girl.

Great heavens. Who's this, the scullery witch?

Mr. Bouffetou, may I introduce our last contestants?

Must you?

Mrs. Marjorie Gibbs and Mr. Joe Lang.

Charmed, I'm sure.

I am certain our new contestants would like to see the kitchen.

Tatou, will you show the way?

This way, please.

It's your fork.

Really, Roark, if these two oddities give me Tomein, I shall sue you for this

entire island.

I am certain that will not be necessary, Mr. Bouffetou. Well, could you simply

tell these peasants that Pate is Goose Liver and not the silly bird's name?

Somehow I got the impression they wouldn't like to know.

Let's wreck something.

The world's oldest semi -living stuff, man.

Thought they'd have you stuffed and hanging in the museum. But now, how are

snuff? I'm doing better than out of year here. Maybe you can talk some sense

into a boy wonder.

Yeah.

Listening to me was never one of that boy's strong points.

But I appreciate your telegram.

Well, you know, I figured somebody's got to talk to him or else he's going to

get himself killed.

What's the one you think he'll buy it on?

Good guys in one boat chase the bad guys in the other. Played by two dummies.

One is a department store mannequin and the other one is your kid.

We get going about 50, 60 miles an hour. Take a couple shots at him. Billy takes

a hit.

Veers off, goes up a ramp.

Explodes through a fuel storage hut.

Lands on the other side in a big ball of flames.

And he's got the switch triggered in the...

The boat which sets off the charges in the hut.

You're going to need a full burn suit for that, all right.

Yeah. Airtight, sealed, a minute and a half air bottle.

He's also got fire extinguishers in the boat. Put out the fire when he lands.

Great stunt, though.

Almost ingenious.

I agree with you, it's far too dangerous.

If he doesn't blow himself up, he'll suffocate.

We're calling it Rollins' Folly.

Or suicide.

Well, anyway, I'd never cooked for anybody but my husband, Matt.

Oh, he just loved good food.

So when he passed away, I started up the grill. I do something to, you know,

fight the loneliness.

Yeah, helps keep you busy.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, you've got a little smudge there right now.

So you own your own place, huh?

Well, not for too much longer, I guess.

I don't have much chance against all the pros around here. People like you.

I'm nothing.

I run an all -night joint in Trenton, New Jersey called the Pleasure Pallet.

I sort of specialize in my own spare rib.

Yeah. Anyway, the guys like what I dish out, so they took up a collection to

enter me in the contest.

Fat chance against the French flesh over there.

like that. What's the matter with her?

Matter?

Nothing is the matter with the goose, monsieur.

Just what you see, that is all.

Come on, come on. Well, maybe she's not hungry. Yes, but when she's not hungry,

that's... I'm surrounded by imbeciles.

Out of my closet. Into your area. Into your area. Allez, allez.

Come, chérie. Allez.

Open your mouth.

Come on, a little bit more. Come on. You like it, yes.

Yes, you don't say no. Open your mouth. Allez, allez.

Any man that wants to play nursemaid to a goose can't be all bad.

Yes, Mr. Bessler, I am certain we can fulfill your fantasy.

Yes, uh -huh.

How many mermaids?

How many?

Well, that's more than I anticipated, but...

I'm sure we can accommodate you, yes.

When do you wish to experience your fantasy, Mr. Bessler?

Well, let me check my calendar. Just one moment, please.

Yes.

Yes, I think those dates will work out very satisfactorily.

Uh -huh.

Yes.

How many will there be in your party?

Mr. Bessler, something unexpected has come up. May I call you back in a few

minutes? Thank you.

Tattoo. Boss.

Precisely, what is going on here?

I'm just trying to light your pipe, boss.

I haven't smoked a pipe in years.

All right, out with it.

Just why are you trying so desperately to kill me with kindness?

Oh, I'm just trying to earn my keep, boss.

Well, then I will appreciate it very much if you earn your keep in some other

less distracting way.

Hmm? Do you understand?

Yes, boss.

Good, Tattoo, good.

You go.

Down. Cut for it.

All right, let's get the stunt doubles over here, Bill.

Look, if you think I'm going to do that explosion gag tomorrow, you're crazy.

Well, good. Fine.

While you're at it, why don't you go pick up your paycheck and take a hike?

Bill, Pete, you guys ready?

Yeah, come on. This is where you earn your money.

Done this game many times.

What's next?

You may be sorry you asked.

Look, I've been thinking.

Maybe you ought to quit before something... Well, you know, things can

and... Well, you're no kid.

Since when are you concerned with other people's health?

You're going to make that same speech to the fellas who are going to drive that

boat through that inferno tomorrow?

Listen, that's my gag, so you leave it alone.

I even had them write it into the script before I agreed to do this picture.

It's the one stunt that's going to set me apart from the rest of you.

The rest of you.

You mean me?

You think it's the one gag that'll finally erase the legend of your old

You'd drive a boat through the fires of hell to do that, wouldn't you?

I think it's done. Let's try.

What's cooking, good -looking?

Well, I'm just testing out my spinach pie recipe.

I'll cut you both a piece if you'd like.

No, no, that's not fair. I shouldn't taste your entree.

Oh, go on.

Try it.

You'll love it.

Wow,

this is great.

My own secret recipe.

I guess that's the best thing I have ever tasted.

But if you want the recipe, it's right over there on the table.

Not before the judging.

Maybe later when it's over.

Something wrong?

Oh, no.

I was just thinking.

It's the first time I've been comfortable with any man since Matt

I feel real comfortable, too.

How would you like to take a walk by the lagoon?

Sure. Lead the way.

See you later, Captain.

Have fun.

Delicious.

That is a leopard.

Can you not read English?

You have no right to be here. This is a gastronomic carpet secret.

Sorry, but you will have to go a long way to beat this.

Have a bite.

What is this?

An insult to Antoine? I will not even feed it to my goose to make him fit.

is this?

This is a concoction. This is a concoction.

Good luck with the contest, mon ami.

You're going to need it.

Antoine must win.

Antoine must have that recipe.

A spinach pie, yes.

Half a cup of breadcrumbs. But of course, of course, this will win Antoine

four -star rating that he needs.

Ah, yes, of course.

Hey, what's this really all about?

I mean, what was the real reason that you came to Fantasy Island?

Was it to be reunited with Bill?

Or was the real reason that you wanted to pick up where you left off five years

ago?

Continue your insane version of Russian roulette.

Honey, I love you, but you're no kid.

And you've got to realize that your career is over and that Bill is the

The best.

Craziest, perhaps, but being the best entails a responsibility.

All he cares about is being better than his old man.

Half the stuntmen in Hollywood won't work with him. Three more to quit today.

Pete, it may sound selfish, but I really don't care that much about those other

men.

I care about my husband and my son.

And I don't want to see either one of them hurt or killed.

I want us to be a family again.

We will be.

But on this one, you're just going to have to trust me.

But where would my spin... Spinach pie recipe B.

Think, Marge. Where did you last see it?

It was right here on this table.

Oh, here you are.

I've been looking for you all over the place.

Antoine has changed his menu at the last minute.

You better read it.

Look.

Does that mean what I think it means?

It does if you think that it means spinach pie.

Antoine stole your recipe.

He's not going to get away with this.

I'm afraid it's too late. He already has entered it at his own. And that means

that no one can use his recipe.

You mean I can't enter my spinach pie?

I'm sorry.

You said Patty was on the menu.

Not exactly.

Only her liver.

Her liver?

It's not Patty.

It's paté.

You see, to make paté de foie gras, first you take a goose.

And you make her liver grow big.

And then you kill her.

And then you serve her liver.

And that's what you call paté de foie gras. Over my dead body. He may have

stolen my recipe, but he's not going to touch Patty.

Oh, I don't care who she is.

Oh, poor baby.

Oh, Antoine's not going to touch a hair of your head.

Actually, it's feathers.

She looks green around the gills. Let's get her out of here.

My ducks, my ducks!

I find you in the kitchen. My friend, it is of no use. No, no, no. My goose, she

is cooked.

Well, that's not unusual in a cookery contest.

No, you do not understand. I don't mean cooked. Cooked, I mean cooked. Gone.

They stole my goose.

But Antoine, he's never ruined. No.

Because I have another hole up my sleeve.

Antoine will have his revenge, monsieur.

Ah, yes.

Ah, yes.

Well, Tato, it's...

It seems what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Morning.

Morning, Jim.

I had a visit from two of the stuntmen this morning. They wanted me to know

the stuntmen got together and took a vote last night.

About a minute.

They want me to replace him as stunt coordinator.

Gonna buck like a bronco, you know that.

Yeah, well, there's one more thing.

They want you to replace him.

Jim!

There is a rumor that you're pulling me off this picture.

Well?

Listen, Bill, great stuntmen don't necessarily make great stunt

Besides, I'm nine days behind schedule and I can't afford any more delays.

So let me guess.

You asked him to take over, right? Yeah, that's right.

But you can stay on and work with him if you like.

I'd sooner be dead.

Sorry about your kid, Pete.

About to happen.

Now we can relax, forget about Rollins' folly, and finish this picture.

The stunt will be on, snuff.

Kidding.

You're not.

The stunt will be on. We'll do it first thing in the morning.

I'll be in the lead boat.

In case you'll be in the second boat.

Get everything ready and I'll see you there.

You're crazy.

You said it was suicide. Now what in the hell are you trying to prove?

Maybe I'm trying to prove I'm a father.

She looks better, don't you think?

Yeah.

But she still looks green around the quills.

Ah, there you are, my friends. Don't you know that a contest is about to be

decided?

We're both withdrawing, Mr. Rock.

Withdrawing?

Well, are you convinced that it's the proper thing to do?

What would your customers at the Pleasure Pallet think of a man who quits

they paid your entry fee with their own hard -earned money, Mr. Lang?

Oh, yes, right.

Just because I'm out of the contest doesn't mean you have to be.

Mr. Lang?

We'll try it on one condition.

What is that?

If you keep Patty safe, and we can be entered as a team,

it's a deal.

Ladies and gentlemen, the surprise you've all been waiting for, spinach pie

Alain -Coin de Beauvray.

Boss, that's it. The dirty rat. He stole my recipe.

And two.

And two.

Look at it, boss.

The fish is on.

Bravo, Antoine.

A canvas of plastic beauty.

Oh, I'm satisfied.

No matter what comes now, I've tasted of the garden of paradise.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? A last -minute

announcement. Our contestants, Mrs. Gibbs and Mr. Lang, have combined their

talents and are now entered as a team.

The blacks. Thank you.

Enjoy. Enjoy, sir.

Spare ribs a la Joe and Mark.

They must be joking.

This looks like the leftovers from a cannibal tribe's leftovers.

Anyway, I've already had several full meals. Perhaps you should try a small

taste. You wouldn't want to embarrass them in front of all these people.

They are, after all, the final contestants.

Very well, Rock. My stomach will be on your head.

Ladies and gentlemen, there hardly is any dissent. The winner of the Fantasy

Island Grand Cuisine and Cookery Contest is the team of Mrs. Gibbs and Mr. Lamb.

Shove him!

Shove him!

Destroy my goose!

At one clench, foul!

Foul? Yes! You got a lot of nerve after what you did.

What you do not understand, monsieur, is if I could have won, it would have

meant everything to what one.

If I could have won, I could have saved my restaurant.

At once, papa was the founder of the restaurant.

And so, but neither of you...

So you think that's fancy.

Mr. Rourke, I'd like to know what's going on here.

Mr. Rollins, I assure you I had nothing to do with your losing your job.

As for your stunt... I put a lot of time into that stunt.

I have visualized every millisecond of how I'm going to do that stunt a

times. I know everything that'll happen. I know everything that can go wrong.

And I'm telling you, he can't do it, Mr. Rourke. He'll get killed.

Well, why are you telling me?

Why don't you tell your father?

Are you kidding? He wouldn't listen to me.

The same way you wouldn't listen to what he was trying to tell you five years

ago.

What?

What are you talking about? Isn't it possible that you have misunderstood

father's motives all along?

No, no, please, please, let me finish.

Let me finish.

That maybe as far as he was concerned, there never was any competition between

the two of you.

That he was trying the only way he knew how.

To do what every loving father tries to do. To give his son the benefit.

Of his experience.

To teach him his limitations.

Yes, Mr. Rawlins.

To help him mold his future.

Your father believes that if you try your stunt, you won't have any future.

Well, if he thinks that it'd kill me, what makes him think he can live through

it? Perhaps he doesn't.

But maybe he feels it's the only way to make you understand. To make you stop

competing with his legend.

That's crazy.

Why? I think the word is love.

This is too close. We're going to have to take it back.

Pete, this is suicidal.

Talk Jim Heston into dropping the stunt or at least modifying it.

It's too late, Norma.

Now it's something I've got to do.

Pete, please.

Pete, I don't want you to do the stunt.

It's too dangerous, and now that I've had a chance to analyze it, I don't

it can be done.

And I don't think I understand.

Well, let's just say that I understand now what you've been trying to show me

all these years.

What do you say? Can I tell Jim the stunt's off?

No.

No, I never signed up for a stunt I didn't try, son.

But now that we have a chance to be honest with each other, I gotta agree

you. I don't think I can do it either.

I think we both agree that this gag is suicide for one man. But now think about

two.

One drives, the other sets off the charges, and activates the fire

when we hit the water.

It can be done.

It is still too dangerous.

No, Mom, we can do it.

We really can, honey.

Besides, uh...

We never signed on for a stunt. We didn't try.

Give us a go ahead when you're ready, Pete.

You got it, snub.

Good luck, partner.

Okay, roll the cameras.

Got speed.

Pete and Bill, it's all yours.

Let's go, Bart, son.

Get that backup boat in there right away.

You all right, son?

Oh, yeah.

There, we did it. We're the best.

We're number one.

Well, I hope your stay was a blessing. Oh, it certainly was, Mr. Rook.

Yes, yes. Two fantasies for the price of one.

Two fantasies?

Yeah, I've always wanted to participate in one of those pie -throwing fights.

Me too.

Oh, and I would say that Patty's health seems much improved.

Yes, and I'm keeping her on a strict no -junk -food diet.

If you ever get up to Trenton, New Jersey, will you look us up?

We will, we will.

Well, have a pleasant journey.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Hello. What a pleasant sight. Good to see you all reunited.

You know, it feels good, too, now that Dad and I have bridged the communication

gap. Mr. Rollins, what are you going to do? Are you going to go back to stunt

work? No.

I don't think so, Dad, too.

Matter of fact, Bill and I are talking about opening up a stunt school.

I can see it all now.

Rollins, son.

I don't know. Maybe Rollins and the father, huh? Oh, come on, Newton.

Thank you so much, Mr. Rawlins. You're very welcome, Mr. Rawlins. Mr.

Rawlins.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. Rawlins.

Boss,

you know what?

You're really the traitor.

Really, Tatum?

In what way?

In every way, boss.

You make so many people so happy.

Well, that's the business I'm in.

But you do it so well.

Well.

Uh -oh.

What's wrong?

Nothing that I cannot fix. Wait.

Thank you.

All right, boss.

Put your foot there.

Getting suspicious again.

Boss, stand still.

I'm going to make your shoes look like they were new.

All right, Atu, this is it.

I insist that you explain why you are still attempting to kill me with

You pinned a boutonniere on me, brought my slippers, tried to light my pipe,

which I no longer smoke, feather dusted me, shined my shoes, and I don't know

what all. Why, why, why?

Boss, don't you get it?

No, I most certainly do not get it.

Well, it's because of this newspaper article.

The idea put in it.

Read it.

Wanted assistant manager.

Tattoo. Yes, boss?

Tattoo, did you think... Oh, now that's impossible.

That's all right, boss.

Say it. I can take it.

Tattoo. Are you under the impression that I was planning to... Fire me?

what you wanted to do?

Now, listen to me, Tattoo. Now, listen. It is true that I placed an ad for an

assistant manager. Now, that's true. But it was for the hotel.

Hotel? Yes.

You mean you're not going to fire me?

The day I fire you, my dear Tattoo, will be the day that birds no longer fly.