Original subtitles

What do you think I think that it is

exceedingly noisy around here. That's what I think.

Just what, may I ask, is going on?

I'm running for island lord mayor's office.

Here.

Tattoo.

Not that it really matters.

But it so happens that I have held the title of honorary law mayor since the

office was first established.

I know, boss.

But you remember how many times you say that you are tired of honorary offices

and I wish somebody run against you? Huh?

Oh.

Yes, I did say that.

Didn't I?

Well, if you are determined to run against me, I am

delighted, of course.

Oh, but I knew you'd see it that way. May the best man win.

Shall we greet our guests?

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

Mr. Jack Summers and his daughter, Terry.

Terry Summers. The name sounds familiar.

It should, Tattoo.

Not long ago, Miss Summers was one of the top swimmers in the United States,

destined to become an Olympic gold medal winner.

Isn't she the girl who had that terrible car accident and the doctor said she

was lucky to survive?

They also maintained, as have many physicians since then, that the

her legs is irreversible.

That's why they have come here.

Their fantasy is for her to be cured.

Cured? Bad luck. Can we really do that?

Both. Who is that man?

Mr. Fred Forbush.

With him is his wife, Shirley, and their two children, Greg and Kathy.

The latter three think they are here for a vacation.

Mr. Forbush looks nervous enough to need a very long vacation.

Mr. Forbush is not only nervous, Tattoo, he is desperate.

Why is that?

Because of his uniquely bizarre fantasy.

You see, Mr. Forbush, who lives in New Haven, Connecticut,

fervently desires to provide his wife and two children with financial

What's so bizarre about that?

In order to provide them with financial security, Mr. Forbush plans to have

himself murdered.

Murdered?

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Well,

okay,

what's the word?

Well, jury's still out, I'm afraid.

Well, can't you tell us something?

I want to wait until I have all the test results before drawing any conclusions.

Well, I understand that, but... It's no use, Dad.

I've tried every trick in the book.

Even promised her one of those gold medals I'm going to win.

I'll get back to you just as soon as I can. And that's a promise.

Doctor? If you find you can't help me, I just want you to know I'm willing to

take whatever chances are necessary.

I'll keep that in mind, Terry.

Goodbye, Doctor.

Hey, huh?

How do you feel about some boating? We've got a nice little cruiser lined

All right.

You haven't forgotten about our arrangement, have you, Miss Summers?

Oh, no. No, of course not.

What arrangement?

Your daughter has graciously consented to teach a class in water ballet to the

children of some of our guests.

Water ballet?

It's no big deal, Dad. Mr. Rourke says the children are very good swimmers.

I'll just be there to give him a few pointers, that's all.

Okay. As long as you promise not to overdo it.

Don't worry.

Until I get out of this contraption, there's no way.

What time would you like me at the pool?

Would after lunch be convenient?

See you then.

Very well.

In a minute.

Nice, huh, Minnie?

Oh, yes, indeed.

Mr. Forbush, I'm afraid you must explain your present predicament before I can

make any promises about your fantasy.

Well, there's not really very much to tell.

Everything was going fine.

I was clearing about $35 ,000 a year, spending $40 ,000, like everybody else.

And then my business just went sour.

Next week, it'll be bankruptcy.

I am amazed you've been able to keep all this secret from your family, Mr.

Forbush. Oh, it hasn't been easy.

I'm ashamed to say this, but I even attempted suicide.

No.

By hanging.

But I'm such a loser that rope broke.

That's when I came up with the idea of having myself knocked off.

You see, alive I'm worth zilch.

But dead?

Half a million dollars.

Half a million dollars?

Mr. Forbush has a company paid double indemnity insurance policy.

Oh, Mr.

Rourke, when will I get to meet my hitman?

Are you certain there is nothing I can do to dissuade you?

Yes, Mr. Rourke, I've made up my mind.

Well, if you insist.

Meet me back here in one hour. Until then.

Perhaps you should know that Mr. Johnny Detroit is one of the highest paid

assassins in the world.

Classy place.

Yes, yes. In his circles, Mr. Detroit is considered a very classy gentleman

indeed. Oh, yes.

Shall we find him?

Mr.

Detroit?

May I introduce your client,

Mr. Fred Forbush? How do you do?

Mr. Forbush.

Although I admire your motives very much, I certainly question your

Well, goodbye, Mr. Forbush.

I'm not quite sure how much Mr. Rourke told you. He said he wanted a quick,

clean, neat job.

It's the only kind I deliver.

Well, did Mr.

Rourke mention price?

My usual fee is 20 ,000 bucks, cash.

But I'll do it for 10.

10? I was thinking more like 5.

I wouldn't break your legs for five.

I guess when you're in debt as far as I am, another 5 ,000 doesn't matter.

But you do guarantee that it will be fast and unexpected.

What I mean is I've got a very low threshold for pain.

What kind of business you in for, Bush?

Underwear. I manufacture men's underwear.

Do I tell you how to make men's drawers?

No.

Well, Mr. Forbush, we agreed?

We'll pray with you and him.

Yeah, whatever.

Well, I'll see you later.

No, you won't.

Oh, uh, yeah.

You're right, I forgot.

Look, uh, Mr. Detroit, uh...

I have the courage to go through with this now.

What I mean is, if I should change my mind later, you just

have to continue with this hit.

Do you understand?

You're just trying to stop me.

They're crippled. A couple of surprises in store for you.

Bye.

Excuse me.

Mr. Rourke, you didn't say anything about them being like this.

Learning to do water ballet isn't easy, even if you're, well, normal.

These children are prepared to work very hard, I assure you.

Look, Mr. Rourke, I understand what you're trying to do.

But I think you might have let us know... Hey, Mr. Rourke!

Is this Terry?

Yes. Boy, it's about time.

We've been waiting almost an hour.

More like ten minutes.

Hi, my name's Janet.

Big mouth here's Billy.

Hi. Come on, we'll introduce you to the other kids.

Terry.

It'll be fine.

All right, let's go.

Hi, my name is Terry.

Hi, Terry!

What is the meaning of this?

Oh, hi, boss.

How do you like my campaign poster?

I don't like them or anything else that clutters up my private study.

Boss, you're not unhappy because I'm running against you, are you?

Not at all, Tattoo. Not at all.

I will admit, however, that some people consider my various terms in office were

without parallel.

And I am somewhat at a loss to understand why, for the first time, I am

challenged at the polls.

Not that it really matters.

Boss, the job here is power. That's why I'm wanted.

Really? There is thousands of crazy groupies, power -loving chicks, who go

over political boss.

Tatu, I hereby order you to gather up all this campaign literature and

get it out of my private office immediately.

Do you understand?

But I'm sorry, I cannot do that. You're going to have to talk to my campaign

manager.

Really? And who, may I ask, might that be?

Him.

Okay, here we go. One right after the other.

Keep it smooth.

No splashing.

Keep your eyes open, Sharon. Keep your head up. Keep going.

Keep it a smooth flow.

That's good. Keep it tight. One right after the other.

Keep it moving. Whatever you do, keep it moving. That's right.

Okay, Melanie, roll over and breathe.

Come on, take a breath. That's good. Now roll over.

Keep moving. Here we go.

Kick strong.

Okay.

Take a breath.

That's good.

Okay, keep your head up.

That's good.

Okay.

Let's line up and try it again.

Come on, you sound like a bunch of wounded rhinos or something.

Get the lead out.

Hi. I thought I saw somebody hiding over here.

What are you doing?

Shirley, did you hear what I said?

Yes, Fred.

In case some sort of catastrophe occurs and you happen to get killed, you want

to have a simple funeral.

Not too simple, but nothing ostentatious.

I mean, if my friends want to mourn my passing, I don't think we should hold

them down too far.

Oh, Fred, we're on vacation.

This canoe ride was supposed to be a romantic interlude. Now, why do we have

talk about your funeral?

It never hurts to be prepared.

Okay.

Okay, so you have the simple funeral with the minimum of ostentation.

Which reminds me.

After I pass from the picture, so to speak, I want you to get remarried.

Oh, Fred.

For the sake of the children, Shirley.

They're good children, but every child needs a firm hand.

So promise me, Shirley, promise me, you will remarry.

He missed?

I always said it could happen.

But not to me.

Well, my friend, it's a matter of principle now.

Bobby, isn't it?

Mind if I join you?

Didn't think you would.

Who are you reading about?

Pete Rose, huh?

Is he your favorite baseball player?

Sure is mine.

You know, I did some checking up on you today.

And I found out we have a lot of things in common.

First off, we're both Geminis.

Not much into astrology, huh?

Me either.

Um, Betcha, one thing you don't know is that I'm at least as big a sports fan as

you. Maybe even bigger.

Leave me alone.

He speaks.

For a minute there, I was beginning to wonder.

I can talk.

It just so happens I don't want to. Go away.

Tell me, Bobby, are you naturally this nice or do you have to work at it?

You know, when you're hurting, sometimes it helps to talk to someone.

You wouldn't understand.

What makes you think that?

You just wouldn't.

Well, if you think I wouldn't understand how it is to play third base on a

little league team, you're right.

But if you think I wouldn't understand how it is to have the rug pulled out

under me, you're wrong.

I wasn't just any third baseman, you know.

Coach said I was going to make the all -star team next year for sure.

It's not fair.

It's just not fair.

I know.

These other kids here, they think I'm some kind of weirdo because I don't like

to do the things they like to do.

They don't think you're a weirdo.

It's just that some of them, most of them, have always been the way they are.

So it's hard for them to understand what you're going through.

Maybe, but that doesn't change things.

No.

But it shouldn't stop you from trying to be the best you can be, either.

Anyway, I found out something else about you today.

You used to be one heck of a good swimmer.

We need you, Bobby. Have at it.

Are you going to be in the pool, too?

No.

Uh, at least I don't think so.

How come?

I heard you were short a couple of people.

Oh, well, um, a coach's job is to coach.

Well, if I was actually in the water with you guys, I wouldn't be able to see

everything.

Anyway, what about later on?

Will you join the others?

I'll think about it.

Good enough.

Fred.

Fred, why would anybody be shooting at us?

Where'd you get a crazy idea like that?

Well, you said they were shooting at us.

Oh, well, don't pay any attention to me.

I've been watching too much TV.

Well, I still think you should complain to Mr. Rourke. I mean, what kind of an

island is he running here anyway?

Okay, honey, I'll speak to Mr. Rourke.

I'll get it.

Hi. Telegram for Mr. Farbish.

Well, thank you.

I'll wait and guess you have an answer.

Come in.

Hi, Tattoo.

Hi.

Fred.

Fred, do you know a Mr. Henry Wilbanks?

Henry Wilbanks?

Are you kidding?

He is merely the head buyer for the J .B. Robbins department store chain,

all. I've been trying to see him for months.

Well, according to this telegram, you're about to.

J .B.

Robbins Company.

Long -term contract.

All of the underwear that I can supply?

Oh, wow, wowee.

Oh, honey, this means I'm back in business.

I never knew you were out of business.

Oh, well, no. What I mean is J .B. Robbins is going to buy all of the

that I can turn out.

Oh, baby, we are rich.

Oh, honey, this is the pot at the end of the rainbow.

Do you wish to send a reply?

Oh, no, thanks, Tattoo. I think that I would rather personally call Mr.

on the phone.

Is there somebody you should talk to first?

Like who?

Like, you know, the city where they make cars.

Oh, what? Detroit.

Detroit.

Oh, my God. Johnny, Detroit.

Oh, Cat 2, what am I going to do?

One more time.

Go around, make your circle. Keep your heads up. Keep your tummies up. That's

good. Keep it moving. Hey, Terry, what are we waiting for?

Just a few more minutes now.

If you're waiting for Bobby, you can forget it.

Okay, I guess we can get started now.

Wow.

Sorry I'm late.

Getting into these trunks was a little harder than I thought.

I'll bet.

I'm glad you decided to come.

Why don't you get in the water?

Okay. Robin, could you give him a hand? Sure.

Hi, Melanie.

Okay, roll up here. Hope I can get you a water.

Sure you can.

Robin, I'll help you here. Okay.

There you go.

There you go. It's going to be easy.

Let's do some good swimming now. Put your hands on the inside.

Okay, let's do some good swimming now. You ready, Mel? Okay.

Let's go.

Okay.

Okay, turn around. Let's go.

Warm up a little bit.

Good. Swimming. Good swimming.

You're looking good. Good.

Yes, that will do very nicely.

Tattoo.

It's Mr. Farbush, boss.

What? Yes, Mr. Rourke, it's me.

But why the disguise?

Because I am trying to hide from Johnny Detroit.

Well, I seem to be confused about something.

You see, I was under the impression that you wanted Mr. Detroit to dispatch you.

Yes, well, just read that.

Oh, congratulations,

Mr. Forbush.

A contract like this could make you a very wealthy man.

Oh, well, thank you, Mr. Roark. But I came here to discuss the other contract.

The one with Johnny Detroit?

Well, now that you have so much reason to live, why don't you merely contact

Detroit and cancel the contract?

Because he won't let me. You see, I made him promise that he would dispatch me

no matter what I said.

Oh, then you do have a problem, don't you?

Oh, yes, Mr. Rourke. Please help me. Make Johnny Detroit leave me alone.

Yes.

Well, since you do find yourself in such a dilemma, perhaps there is something I

could... Try.

Like what, boss?

No guarantees, you understand.

But I will speak to Mr. Detroit about the matter. Unofficially, of course.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Roark. Thank you.

Meantime, there is something I'd like to point out, Mr. Forbush.

What's that?

Your lipstick.

It's smeared.

Okay, everybody out of the pool.

Come on.

Lesson's over.

See you later.

Bye -bye.

You did really good. Bye -bye. Bye.

So long.

See you soon.

Hi, Dr. Franz. Hi, Mr. Rourke. You know, these kids are terrific.

They're actually learning to do it. They're learning to do water ballet.

Do you think they have learned enough to perform for our guests tomorrow?

Perform? Why, sure.

Just give them to me in the morning so I can rehearse with them.

Certainly.

You have something to report, Doctor.

Yes, I do.

I'm afraid the news isn't good, Terry.

My examination, along with the test, confirmed that the damage to your spinal

cord is irreparable.

Are you sure?

Is there any chance that... I'm sorry.

If I may, I would like for both of you to see the results so that you could

better understand the... We've heard it all before, Doctor.

Terry, honey, this is not the end of the line. We'll find someone else.

Don't worry, darling.

Mr. Summers. Mr. Rourke.

There's the space on tomorrow's plane.

Yes, but I hope you'll delay your departure, at least until Miss Summers

finished her work with the children.

I'm afraid that's out of the question.

I believe that decision is your daughter's, Miss Summers.

Not yours.

Terry?

I want to go home.

You've got it, hon.

Excuse us.

Fred, what's wrong?

Nothing's wrong, honey. I'm fine.

Don't you lie to me, Fred Forbush.

I'm not lying. Oh, yes, you are. Your ears turn red and your nose starts to

twitch when you fib.

Now out with it.

Okay.

I happen to have a slight problem.

It seems that I'm about to be killed.

Killed? Killed? Dad, are you kidding?

Why would anybody want to kill you?

Well, it's a very long story, Greg. I'll try to make it very brief.

When the bottom fell out of my underwear business, I hired a hitman to kill me

so that you three could then cash in my double indemnity policy and live

happily ever after.

Oh, Fred.

You wanted to sacrifice your life for me and the children?

Oh, Dad, we don't want you to die.

We couldn't live happily ever after without you.

Yeah, but don't you see that you three would have needed that insurance money

get along?

Otherwise, you'd have to give up the private school, honey, and your piano

lessons, and that soccer, and swimming.

And what about your clubs?

You would have had to go to work.

Fred, you seem... to have forgotten one very important item.

That we love you.

I mean, that we loved you even when you were a $75 a week tie salesman.

I mean, so your business fell apart. Big deal.

Oh, Fred.

Fred, we love you.

We wouldn't even care about all the schools and stuff if you were gone.

Well, even if we did care, it wouldn't make a difference anyway.

What do you mean?

Well, Barnaby Jones always catches people who cheat on their insurance

companies.

Oh, Craig.

You know, he's right. It would have all been for nothing.

I don't know what to say.

I guess that's the dumbest idea I ever had.

Oh, Daddy.

Fred.

Fred, does Mr. Rourke know about this?

Well, he introduced me to the hit man.

Oh, he did?

Well, in that case, I am going to have a very long talk with Mr. Rourke.

Never trust a man in a white suit, children.

Since you are the owner and proprietor of this island, Mr. Rourke, my children

and I will hold you fully responsible for any injury that accrues to my

With all due respect, Mrs. Forbush, I am only the middleman.

so to speak.

Your husband's fantasy was to have himself...

done away with.

Well, he's changed his mind.

Of that I am well aware, and I tried talking to Mr.

Detroit, but unfortunately he feels his failure embarrassed him in front of his

ladies, and his pride is now at stake.

Understandable, though regrettable.

But surely there's something you can do about it.

Yes.

I guess perhaps that is something.

Trust me, Mrs. Ford, won't you?

Excuse

me.

Excuse me. Could I talk to you guys a sec?

I just want to tell you all that I have to leave tomorrow morning.

Some important problems have come up at home and...

Well, I just have to go, that's all.

So, Helen and Joanne and Robin will help you through the final rehearsal

tomorrow morning.

I'm sure you'll all just do great.

Thanks for being our teacher, Terry.

You're welcome, Janet.

Good luck tomorrow.

Bye -bye.

Bobby,

I'm sorry.

He lied.

You're not going home because you have troubles back there. You're leaving

because of what the doctor told you.

You can't stand to be like one of us.

That's why you wouldn't get in the swimming pool.

Isn't it? Isn't it?

Let me try to explain.

Don't bother.

Bobby, please.

Have a nice trip back.

You bet I will.

Phony! You phony!

The plane takes off in less than an hour.

Terry?

Come on in, Dad.

Hey, what's this?

I've got some unfinished business with those kids.

Listen, honey, you know the doctor in New York, the one with the big waiting

list? Well, I talked to him on the phone this morning.

He said if we can get there by tonight, he'll see you.

Now, you're not going to pass that up, are you? I'm not seeing any more

Well, listen, I know you're disappointed about Dr. Franz. So am I.

But just because she can't help you doesn't mean somebody else can't.

Dad, we've both known the reality almost from the very beginning.

But we've both refused to face it.

What reality?

There's nobody out there that can help me.

Donna Terry, don't say that.

I can't keep living for what might be.

I've got to start dealing with my life as it is.

So you're giving up. Is that it?

Yes. Giving up the pain of holding on to dreams that just aren't gonna come

true.

Dreams like Olympic gold medals.

And playing third base on a Little League All -Star team.

I can't believe that you're talking like this.

Me either.

But I gotta tell you, it feels really good.

I'm going to go now.

Will you come with me?

I'm sorry, Terry.

I can't.

Boys and girls, everybody up the side. We can go over it one more time.

I'm leaving, Terry.

What happened?

Well, thought you guys could use a hand.

I've had a lot of time to think.

Hardly slept a wink.

Fact of the matter is, I've been living in some kind of a dream world.

Postponing certain things.

Waiting for a miracle to happen.

Well, it didn't happen.

It's not going to happen.

And I'm not going to wait on it anymore.

Time to shape up or ship out, I guess.

So what I'm trying to say is... What I mean is... I'm one of

you now.

Surprise! Hi, Johnny.

Hold it.

You can't shoot me down like this.

I ain't cold blood.

Quick, clean, and neat.

That's what you ordered, and that's what you get, pal.

No, please.

I don't want to die.

Please. No.

I'll give you anything.

You put that gun down this very instant.

Do you hear me?

Just what do you think you're doing playing with real firearms like that?

Hasn't Mumsy always taught you that they're dangerous?

You could go to jail for this.

But, Mumsy, it's only loaded with blanks.

Don't interrupt.

You've been a very naughty boy, Wilbur, sneaking out of the house like you did.

You even left Mr. Henry, one Sunday school teacher, short when you failed to

show up. And another thing.

Mrs. Wilson, I hate to interrupt, but I really don't think you should be quite

so harsh on your son.

Oh, no? And why not?

Well, you see, Wilbur is normally a very nice, quiet, and law -abiding citizen,

but he came to me for the fulfilling of a fantasy which I provided.

For just one weekend, Wilbur, alias Johnny Detroit, wanted to be a beady

-eyed hitman.

What kind of a... Stupid fantasy is that, Wilbur? You never wanted to kill

anybody in your life.

Have you?

Then... Then he's not going to... I mean, I can live?

You mean I can accept that new underwear contract?

Well, Johnny, um... Wilbur?

Oh, shit.

Just when I was starting to enjoy myself.

You never let me have any fun, Mumsy.

I'll give you fun. I'll give you fun. Come on, Wilbur. I'll give you fun. I'll

give you fun.

Get going. Get going. Get going.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Thank you.

We are now privileged to present for your enjoyment a very special water

performed... By some very special people.

I am certain you will give them a warm welcome.

Okay, everybody.

Here we go.

That's good.

Mr. Roark, I want to thank you for showing me that my family genuinely

and not my checkbook. Oh, speaking of money.

Oh. It's the $10 ,000 you paid Johnny Detroit.

Mumsy made him give it back.

Oh, well, Mr. Roark, tell me, did Johnny Detroit Wilbur really have blank

cartridges in that gun?

But of course.

You load the gun yourself, right, boss?

Tattoo, I thought you...

Well, Mr. and Mrs. Forbush, have a pleasant journey back.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, children.

Goodbye, Tattoo.

Mr. Rourke, that's you.

Once again, Miss Summers, thank you. The ballet was magnificent.

The children will be forever grateful to you.

No, but not half as grateful as we are to them.

And to you.

You know, Mr. Rourke, you really did cure me.

Really? Of a misconception.

You see, before we came here, I thought that to be important, I had to be

something different than I really am.

I don't feel that way anymore.

There may not be any Olympic gold for us, but we found something much more

valuable.

Goodbye, Mr. Roy. Goodbye, Mr. Summers.

Tattoo. Goodbye.

Okay, princess, here we go.

Oh,

by the way, Tattoo, what do you think of the election results?

Well,

with all due modesty...

I was re -elected again to another term as Island Law Mayor, almost unanimously.

How many votes did I get?

Well, all the precincts haven't been heard from yet.

But how many votes do I have so far?

None.

None? That's impossible.

I must have at least one. I voted for myself.

Well, there was one ballot which had to be voided.

Voided? It seems your campaign manager, Chester the Chimp, ate half of it.

That stupid monkey!