Original subtitles

This is your friendly neighborhood Sawbones.

Oh, hi, Jim.

You sure are bright and early.

Bright and late. Just coming off night ward duty.

How are you?

I'm excited about the party Saturday.

Well, that's why I called.

Oh, no.

Now, don't get your blood pressure up. Everything's all right.

I just forgot to ask you what color dress you'd be wearing so the corsage

match.

Well, anything white is fine.

Okay. There's always a lot of flowers lying around the maternity ward.

I'll see what I can find there.

Well, I'd better get in some sack time.

I'll talk to you, Fizzy.

Okay, goodbye.

Oh, Emily!

Guess who just called?

My son.

Emily, you're psychic.

No, not really.

Just a lucky guess, plus the smile on your face.

You must have just gotten off night duty, huh? Mm -hmm.

Gosh, I guess Saturday's gonna be about the biggest night of the year for us.

Just... Thank you. Sun's finishing his internship.

Have you decided what you're going to wear?

I'm not going.

You're not going?

No, it's my bingo night.

Emily.

If you want some breakfast before you go to school, you better get a move on.

I never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life.

What? What are you talking about?

Well, can you imagine anyone preferring bingo to her own son's graduation ball?

You mean Emily?

Yes. Now, she just told me that she's not going Saturday night.

I thought parents had to go to their kids' graduations.

Well, this is an affair to commemorate the graduation, Buffy.

Emily's so proud of Jim.

Now, how could her bingo night possibly be more important?

I don't know. If that's what she said, she must have some good reason for it.

Will you ask her, Uncle Bill?

No, that's her own business.

If she doesn't want to talk about it, then we stay out of it.

And now I better get to work or my punctuality is going to slow down. Bye

kids. Bye -bye.

Bye.

It's just incredible.

Uncle Bill said it's her business.

Yes, but it's hard to stay out of it when you care about people.

Yeah, I care about Emily.

So do I.

Hi. Hi. Hi, Emily.

Hey, don't go in the kitchen. I just waxed. Then how are we going to get our

milk and cookies?

Well, either you have to have a very long arm or a very smart cleaning woman.

She's back in there.

Thanks.

Ask her.

You ask her.

Mr. French says not to talk with your mouth full.

Emily? Yeah?

Why aren't you going to Jim's party?

I told Sissy.

It's my bingo night.

Bingo can't be more fun than a party.

Especially your son, the doctor's party.

Well, I'll tell you how it is.

Even if I had the evening off, which I haven't, Who would I get to take me?

And even if I had the evening off and could find somebody to take me, which I

couldn't, where would I find the glad rags to wear?

Now, supposing I had the evening free and could find somebody to take me and

the glad rags to wear, which I haven't. What would I do if they asked me to

dance? I've got two left feet.

So, there you are.

Where?

Well, I just wouldn't fit in.

There'll be all kinds of V .I .D.'s there.

V .I .D.'s?

They're very important doctors, and I wouldn't want to embarrass my Jim in

of all of them.

You wouldn't. He loves you.

Oh, sure, I know he does.

But he could be embarrassed, too.

And the way I ain't gonna embarrass him is by not showing up, that's how.

He's never had cause to be ashamed of me before.

He ain't gonna start now.

Mr. French.

Yes, is he?

Well, you'd know.

Know what?

First of all, who could take Emily to the ball?

You mean her son's graduation ball? Uh -huh.

Well, I presume that she had an escort.

Well, she doesn't, and she can't go without one.

Oh, dear me. Well, much as I'd like to justify your touching faith in my

I'm afraid I'm the foggiest notion.

Someplace there's just got to be a prince for Emily. I can Cinderella.

Boy, this is a great time for a fairy godmother to show up.

Now, although I cannot supply you with a specific prince, I think I can outline

the qualities that he should possess.

Well, then, whoever our candidate is, he must possess a savoir faire.

Now, I refer to the ability to be at home at any sort of gathering, be it

or fashionable.

And furthermore, he must be and look completely at home in either full dress

dinner jacket.

And he must be capable of small talk on either his companion's level or that of

anyone else they might meet.

And he must be also someone conversant with the ritual of formal affairs.

You know, understanding the various utensils and glasses placed before him

his companion.

Do you follow me so far?

No, Mr. French, but it sounds just beautiful.

Mr. French means we've got to find somebody who's been to a party like this

before and won't goof it up.

Exactly.

Oh.

Oh, and someone who can guide Mrs. Turner so that she, too, doesn't do

to draw unwelcome attention to herself.

It's as simple as that.

Where do you find a guy like that?

A gentleman like that.

Yeah, where do you find him?

Thanks for everything, Mr. French.

We thought of someone for you, Emily.

Sorry, kiddo, but I'm all booked up for day work.

We need somebody to take you to the ball.

You're kidding.

You'd probably have to ask him, but I bet he'd say yes.

Who'd you dig up, J .P. Morgan?

You gotta guess.

Oh, look, it's awfully late, and I've had a hard day, and my back is killing

So no time for games, okay?

But it's no fun if you don't guess.

Okay.

Uh, Dustin Hoffman.

Who's he?

Paul Newman.

Come on, Emily.

Well, a girl can dream, can't she?

Who'd you dream up?

Mr. French.

Oh, now you are kidding.

You expect me to ask Frenchy for Saturday?

Well, I'd just as soon ask Dustin Hoffman.

I can't ask Frenchy to take me. Well, not in a million years.

He'd be perfect.

And he fits.

The whole idea's ridiculous.

I mean, Frenchy and me together?

Well, what do we look... I mean...

Well, I mean, with him so grand and me, I mean, look at me.

Look at Cinderella before her fairy godmother fixed her up.

She was a mess, too.

Oh, thanks a ton.

Well, I tell you something, I don't have a fairy godmother.

Well, we're doing the best we can.

Yeah, and you know something?

You're doing just well.

I tell you what.

I'll think about it.

Bye, Emily. Bye, Emily.

Now, you didn't tell Emily to ask Mr. French.

We did.

We fixed everything up.

No, you didn't.

Now, you can't volunteer somebody without telling them.

We were just trying to help Emily.

I know.

But even a fairy godmother has got to play by the rules.

I think it might be a good idea if I tell Mr. French about this. He'll know

to handle it.

We'll tell him, sissy.

Yeah, it was our fault, even though it didn't start out that way.

Sorry for what?

For what we did.

Look, I'm in a hurry, children. I'm very busy. What did you do?

I mean, did you spill something?

Smash something? What?

Will you forgive us?

I'd be delighted to forgive you if you'd tell me what to forgive you for.

You're not going to quit, are you?

Jody, I assure you, nothing will provoke me into that.

Well?

We told Emily to ask you to take her to the ball.

Josh!

That must be great British for your kidding.

Yes, sir, Mr. French, we did, and we're sorry.

You're not going to quit, are you, Mr. French?

You promised!

A gentleman always keeps his word, Jody, no matter how trying the provocation.

You won't do it again, Mr. French.

You won't have to. Once is enough.

Good evening, sir. Hello, French. How do you go?

Well, a little sticky, sir.

What happened?

Well, a dilemma, sir, of somewhat gargantuan proportions.

Oh, boy.

Okay. Fire away.

Yes, sir.

The children volunteered me to Mrs. Turner.

Volunteered you? In what capacity?

As an escort to the ball on Saturday.

Oh, well, you turned her down, didn't you?

No, she hasn't asked me yet, sir, but she will. Oh, yes.

Well, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Just say no, that's

all.

Therein lies my dilemma, sir. I don't wish to hurt her feelings.

Well, of course not. The kids meant well, but they were way out of line.

So when she asks you this, tell her you got her the plan.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir. I know how to handle it.

I'll have a word with the kids.

Well, please don't be too harsh on the children, sir.

Uh, yes, madam.

I've got something to ask you.

Do you have any extra three -way bulbs? Sissy's metal way went out.

Oh, well, thank you very much. I'll attend to it, madam. Oh, another thing.

That rubber plant on the terrace, I think it's lost its bounce.

Really? Well, I'll make a note of that. Thank you.

Hey, it's only four more days to the big shindig, huh?

Sissy's gonna be a knockout. Have you seen her new dress?

Oh, yes, it is. It's most fetching.

If it was anybody but my Jim taking her, I'd say she was too good for him.

Can I give you a hand with this? Oh, no, no, no, no. Thank you, madam. No, I'm

almost finished. Thank you so much. Boy, I bet the hotel has a whole crew

polishing up silver for that party.

Oh, uh, about the party.

Do you think Jim ought to rent a regular tuxedo, or should he go for some of

those fancy colors?

I think for a young man, um...

Powder blue jacket would be most appropriate.

Yeah, I'll tell him.

Oh, one more thing. Please, madam, please, madam. It would give me great

pleasure to take you to the party.

Are you kidding?

Hey, that's great.

The kids suggested you, but I didn't have the gut, Dad.

And, sir, she had no intention of inviting me. All I had to do was remain

silent.

I leapt to my own destruction unasked.

Well, I feel for you. What are you going to do now?

I think to just put the best possible face on it.

Escort her to the ball, huh?

Yes, sir.

Do you know the feeling I had, sir, when I asked her? Well, it was as if someone

else was saying the words for me.

Well, you just didn't want to disappoint her.

Yes, sir. But you know, sir, I would be...

Telling less than the truth if I were to say that I was looking forward to it.

What

do

you think, kid?

I think it looks beautiful.

It doesn't look like it fits to me.

You see?

Now it's going to fit perfectly after we pin it.

I don't know. It still looks kind of young to me.

Sissy will hold it up for you.

Turn around, Emily.

There. I can see just where to pin it. We'll put a pin here and one here.

Are you sure this is going to look all right?

You're going to be beautiful.

Just like Cinderella.

Not Cinderella.

Cinderella.

Mr. French, be tidying our spelling pad.

Oh, very commendable, Jody.

Either Buffy's getting dumber or I'm getting smarter.

We each got 98.

Well, I'm sure Jody's just coming up to his potential.

Oh,

excuse me.

Bless you, Mr. French.

Thank you.

Are you catching something, Mr. French?

Oh, just a slight case of the sniffles.

But you can't.

Tomorrow's the party.

You better get to bed right now, Mr. French.

And drink lots of juices.

And don't get overheated.

And stay out of drafts.

Well, I'm touched by your concern, children, but everything will be all

I'll be fine in the morning.

You said you'd be fine in the morning, Mr. French.

Huh?

He said he was sorry.

It's early, Buffy. The party's not till tonight.

We have a whole day to make Mr. French well.

How are you feeling, Mr. French?

Don't take it out, Mr. French.

He'll be all right by tonight, sissy.

How's the patient?

He's doing fine, Uncle Bill. Only he can't talk because we're taking his

temperature. Well, you're taking real good care of him.

Uncle Bill, we won't be able to go with you to the airport tonight.

We have to stay with Mr. French until it's time to leave for the ball. Sure,

that's okay. I'll manage.

What did he say?

He says he's sorry he can't pack for you.

That's okay. I'll pack when I come home this afternoon.

Well, how come Buffy can understand him?

She's a born nurse.

Hope you're better.

I think the temperature taker's been in there long enough.

Let me see.

Gee, I wish we did as good on our spelling test as Mr. French did on his

temperature. We only got 98 and he got 100.

Hey, everybody.

Today's the day.

It's me, Emily Turner, queen of the ball.

Shh.

What's the matter?

It's Mr.

French.

I knew it. He broke his leg.

It's even worse. He broke his throat.

It's time again.

Oh, Buffy, you took it less than an hour ago.

How else are we going to tell if we're making it better?

Don't worry. It's just a sore throat.

Let me see.

Okay, open your mouth, Frenchie.

Come on, come on.

Say ah.

It's going to be all right for the party, won't it?

Sure, if they postpone it till next week.

Well, I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up so high.

Every time you think something's coming your way, wapple.

Well, it just goes to prove I had no right thinking about going to the dance

anyway.

The whole thing was a fairy tale.

Mrs. Turner, perhaps all is not lost.

If you can put up with my laryngitis, I can certainly put up with some slight

discomfort tonight.

What are you talking about?

Well, I shall escort you to the ball as planned tonight.

Now, you just tuck that blanket up under your beard and you stay right where you

are.

There'll be lots of doctors there, Emily.

He's not going anywhere.

How do you know how to pack without Mr. French?

Well, I always pack when I'm coming back from someplace.

He's a lot neater than I am.

Mr. French does everything just right, except catching meningitis.

Emily sure is disappointed.

No other way she can go to the ball, huh?

Cissy asked her if she'd go with her and Jim.

Emily said she didn't want to be a fifth wheel.

No, you both did all you can, and so did French and Cissy, so I guess some

things just aren't meant to be.

Emily was sure looking forward to it. So was I.

It was going to be my first chance to be a fairy godmother.

Yeah, you're pretty young yet. You'll have other chances.

But not for Cinder Emily.

Well, I'd better get out of here if I want to catch a date at 8 o 'clock.

Well, how's Frenchy, Jim?

He'll be fine in a few days.

Just a common flu virus.

I didn't know Mr. Frenchy ever got in anything common.

Keep him in bed, give him lots of fluids, and it'll run its course.

Okay.

That's just what we said.

Hey, Miss America, watch out.

You look lovely, sissy.

Oh, thank you, Jim.

How do you like your corsage?

Who's looking at orchids? You could be wearing celery nobody noticed.

I would.

You sure you won't come with us, Mom?

We wish you would, Emily.

It's okay.

You go on to the ball.

And have yourselves a ball.

We will.

Night, Mom.

Good night, dear. Good night.

Night.

Okay, kids.

Only 15 more minutes till bedtime.

Gee, Emily, you're beginning to sound more and more like Mr. French.

Only not so English.

I wonder if the ball started yet.

Oh, I guess.

Long about now, the orchestra's starting to tune up.

I remember when I worked in those hotels.

I used to have all these big affairs for all the fancy highfalutin society

people. And I'd peek through the service entrance.

It was always exciting when the orchestra started tuning up.

Give me the willies.

The willies?

Yeah, tingleton things.

That must be the willies that we get at Christmas.

And you should have seen those long black limousines driving up and the

getting out and the doorman holding the door for them and them dressed all so

fancy and everything.

And Jim and Sister will be the prettiest couple there.

Uncle Bill!

Did you miss your 8 o 'clock play?

Nope. I changed my reservation to the 2 a .m. plane and I checked my bag

through. Emily, I'm going to take you to the ball. How fast can you get ready?

You, Mr. Davis?

You're taking me?

Sure. Unless you got some objection to a last -minute date.

Heck no. I take them when I get them.

I think I just got the willies. Me too.

Emily, you really look beautiful. Just like Cinderella.

Uncle Bill looks like a prince.

Sure. Well, shall we, Mrs. Turner? By all means, Mr. Davis.

You better have Emily back by midnight, Uncle Bill. You know what happens.

We're not going to worry about that. We're going to keep on dancing right up

till time for the playing.

I hope you're wearing your play shoes.

Good night, sir.

Oh, and Mrs. Turner.

Emily, may I say that I'm truly envious of Mr. Davis.

You know Frenchie?

I believe you.