All language subtitles for Family Affair s05e14 Feat Of Clay

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,329 --> 00:00:02,329 Good evening. 2 00:00:02,590 --> 00:00:04,090 So nice of you to join us. 3 00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:52,820 French, we're home. 4 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,820 Oh, good afternoon, children. 5 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,940 Sissy, well, I hope you had a pleasant day. 6 00:00:58,360 --> 00:00:59,360 I did. 7 00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:00,920 I almost did. Almost? 8 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,060 Yeah, until the teacher assigned us a lot of homework. 9 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,600 Oh, in that case, I suggest you go to your rooms and get on with it without 10 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:08,600 further delay. 11 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,340 Mr. French, where did this come from? 12 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:16,100 Oh, that's a gift from Mr. Davis for Miss Mason, pre -Columbian. You know, 13 00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:18,080 an expert and considers it a work of art. 14 00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:19,300 Oh, sure. 15 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,380 Here's a funny -looking cow. 16 00:01:24,820 --> 00:01:26,460 I thought it was a deer. 17 00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:31,720 No, it looks sort of more like a dog to me. It can't be a chicken because it has 18 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:32,720 four legs. 19 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:34,500 Hmm. 20 00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:36,700 No, a deer, I would say. 21 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,180 I win. 22 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:43,320 You know, children, that this was made by Indians hundreds and hundreds of 23 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,600 ago, long before Columbus discovered America. 24 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,920 Hey, that's real real odd. 25 00:01:49,420 --> 00:01:51,480 It's even older than you, Mr. French. 26 00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:53,820 Yes. 27 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:59,080 It's like something we make in school that we get bad marks for. 28 00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:00,700 But ours are better. 29 00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:05,260 Yeah. I guess because in the old days they didn't know how to make good stuff. 30 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:06,960 Oh, sweet, sweet. 31 00:02:08,699 --> 00:02:09,699 Davis residence. 32 00:02:10,139 --> 00:02:11,320 Oh, Mr. Davis. 33 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,920 We've been expecting to hear from you, sir. 34 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,800 It's Uncle Bill. Can we talk to him, Mr. French? The children wish to speak to 35 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,240 you, sir, yet I suggest the other phone. 36 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,840 Oh, yes, they'll be on in just a moment, sir. 37 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,200 How's everything going, French? The kids behaving? 38 00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:27,900 Yeah, that's good. 39 00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:31,680 Hi, Uncle Bill. When are you coming home? 40 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,520 Oh, not till early part of next week. 41 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:35,800 How's school? 42 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,240 School's fine, Uncle Bill. 43 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:38,579 Mine, too. 44 00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:39,620 You got a present. 45 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,980 It was supposed to be a surprise, Jody. 46 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,860 We didn't know that, Mr. French. 47 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,280 Well, you didn't tell me what the present was. 48 00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:51,250 It's a thing of Columbus art. 49 00:02:52,570 --> 00:02:54,310 Jody, you just told him. 50 00:02:54,910 --> 00:02:56,930 I'm sorry this has gotten out of hand, sir. 51 00:02:57,210 --> 00:03:01,130 Yes, but Miss Mason brought it. A magnificent work of pre -Columbian art. 52 00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,390 It's an animal, but we don't know for sure which. 53 00:03:04,670 --> 00:03:07,250 We only know what it isn't. It isn't a chicken. 54 00:03:07,750 --> 00:03:09,770 Well, maybe we can figure it out when I get home. 55 00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:12,330 Yeah, I miss you, too. 56 00:03:13,330 --> 00:03:15,490 Okay. Bye -bye. Goodbye, sir. 57 00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:17,330 Goodbye, Uncle Bill. 58 00:03:17,590 --> 00:03:18,590 Bye, Uncle Bill. 59 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,599 Bye, Uncle Bill. 60 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,600 Goodbye, Sissy. 61 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:22,980 Goodbye, Mr. French. 62 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,720 Ah, children. 63 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:32,800 Hi, Mr. French. 64 00:03:33,740 --> 00:03:38,580 Tell me, did either of you see anything of Mr. Davis's pre -Columbian figure? It 65 00:03:38,580 --> 00:03:39,580 seems to have disappeared. 66 00:03:39,740 --> 00:03:42,120 It didn't disappear, Mr. French. We took it to school. 67 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:44,360 Good heavens. 68 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,520 Sissy, they took it to school. 69 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,720 Now, we've been worried about it all morning. 70 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,810 Why didn't you tell somebody that you were taking it to school? 71 00:03:53,090 --> 00:03:56,050 You know perfectly well you mustn't take anything from this place without asking 72 00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:57,050 permission first. 73 00:03:57,250 --> 00:03:58,910 It didn't look very important. 74 00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:02,490 And Jody's getting extra credit for taking it to school. 75 00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:08,650 Anyway, we were sure you wouldn't mind if we showed that old hunk of clay to 76 00:04:08,650 --> 00:04:10,710 teacher. Old hunk of clay? 77 00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:13,650 Jody, that pre -Columbian figure is very valuable. 78 00:04:14,410 --> 00:04:16,670 Extremely valuable. In fact, it's irreplaceable. 79 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:18,810 Well, we didn't know that. 80 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:20,720 Where is it now? 81 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:22,780 We left it at school. 82 00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,500 The teacher didn't have time to talk about it today. 83 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,320 So she put it in her drawer. 84 00:04:30,260 --> 00:04:31,620 Well, I want it home tomorrow. 85 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:33,720 Yes, sir. 86 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,360 Now, Mr. French, I think it'll be safe. 87 00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:42,140 You do? Well, that's all very fine. But, you know, it's like having the crown 88 00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:44,320 jewels in one's possession for safekeeping. 89 00:04:57,770 --> 00:04:58,770 Be careful, Bob. 90 00:04:58,810 --> 00:04:59,890 I'm being careful. 91 00:05:00,330 --> 00:05:01,790 I just thought I'd remind you. 92 00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:04,310 You've been reminding me all the way home. 93 00:05:05,030 --> 00:05:07,650 You should have carried it. I would have dropped it. 94 00:05:07,910 --> 00:05:09,830 You didn't drop it when you came to school. 95 00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:12,570 Well, I didn't know it was valuable then. 96 00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:14,830 Anyway, boys are more clumsy than girls. 97 00:05:15,050 --> 00:05:16,230 All the girls say so. 98 00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:20,310 Mr. French must be out. 99 00:05:20,590 --> 00:05:21,610 Do you have the key, Buffy? 100 00:05:21,910 --> 00:05:22,910 Uh -huh. Here. 101 00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:24,370 Hold this while I get it. 102 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,320 Two hands. 103 00:05:26,580 --> 00:05:27,580 Here. 104 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:41,380 Are you all 105 00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:42,380 right, Jody? 106 00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:45,300 Oh, boy. 107 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,240 We made it home. 108 00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:50,220 Almost. In one piece. 109 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,500 Doesn't look so valuable now. 110 00:05:55,370 --> 00:05:57,590 Do you think maybe we could paste it together? 111 00:05:58,910 --> 00:06:00,030 We better try. 112 00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:10,630 I think this is his nose. 113 00:06:11,010 --> 00:06:12,490 I thought it was his foot. 114 00:06:13,010 --> 00:06:14,770 It is sort of big for a nose. 115 00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:17,190 Let's make it a foot, Buffy. 116 00:06:17,470 --> 00:06:20,790 Then if he ends up with five feet, we'll know it's his nose. 117 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,040 This is hard, Jody. I don't think it's going to work. 118 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:28,239 How come? 119 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,520 You're good at jigsaw puzzles. 120 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,800 Yeah, but they lie flat on the floor. 121 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,880 Yeah, it would be easy if there weren't so many little pieces. 122 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:58,520 Buffy? Jody? 123 00:06:59,340 --> 00:07:01,240 Quick, hide the mess under the bed. 124 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,160 Hi, 125 00:07:10,700 --> 00:07:11,860 Mr. French. 126 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,820 You weren't home, so we used our key. 127 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,500 Yes, I was doing some shopping with Miss Favisham. 128 00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:21,440 Children, did you bring home the pre -Columbian artifact intact? 129 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,940 I see. You forgot it. You know, I was very careless of you. 130 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,440 We're sorry, Mr. French. We were so careless. 131 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,280 Yes, well, I shall remind you again on Monday. And should you forget again, I 132 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,320 will go to the school myself. 133 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:38,760 Understand? 134 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:49,280 I just want to stick 135 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,520 together. What are we going to do? 136 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,820 Maybe we could go out and buy one just like it. 137 00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:57,250 Well, we don't have enough money for that. 138 00:07:57,950 --> 00:07:59,830 Hey, I got an idea. 139 00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:02,930 Why don't we make one just like it, out of clay? 140 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:07,710 One what just like it? All we know is that it isn't a chicken. 141 00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:09,150 It's a blob. 142 00:08:09,330 --> 00:08:11,470 I make blobs with clay all the time. 143 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:15,010 Yeah, it did look like the kind of stuff we make in our class. 144 00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:17,550 The kids even thought we made this one. 145 00:08:18,310 --> 00:08:20,010 All we have to buy is the clay. 146 00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:21,890 We have enough money for that. 147 00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:26,940 I'm sure glad new clay doesn't cost as much as the stuff we make out of old 148 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:27,940 clay. 149 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,659 Mexico's fine, but I'm always glad to get home again. 150 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,240 You say that every time you come home. That's because I mean what I say. 151 00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:49,580 Oh, but still, it must be really fun to travel. 152 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,380 How the unique thing exciting ever happens at home? 153 00:08:53,460 --> 00:08:58,640 Hardly. Hardly. Well, I've got some presents for you in my bag. Maybe 154 00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,619 exciting, huh? 155 00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:04,040 Oh, speaking of presents, um... Yeah, where's my present from Miss Mason 156 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,040 not a chicken? 157 00:09:05,340 --> 00:09:06,400 Under a desk, sir. 158 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:08,480 Oh. 159 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,460 Is that it, sir? 160 00:09:16,030 --> 00:09:18,230 It's kind of like a fat horse, isn't it? 161 00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:22,230 It couldn't be a horse, Uncle Bill. It's pre -Columbian. There weren't even any 162 00:09:22,230 --> 00:09:24,270 horses on this continent until Cortez. 163 00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:28,490 That's right. Well, now we know it's not a horse and we know it's not a chicken. 164 00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:33,130 Well, Sir, Miss Mason indicated it was a very fine piece, worthy of a museum. 165 00:09:33,570 --> 00:09:36,590 Oh, gee, I don't know about that. She's an expert, yeah. 166 00:09:38,190 --> 00:09:39,190 You know... 167 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,700 Every time I look at that thing, it seems different to me. 168 00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:45,300 I've noticed the same effects, Sissy. 169 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:50,580 Yet there is a crude strength, a barbaric sense of life, which makes it 170 00:09:50,580 --> 00:09:51,580 priceless. 171 00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:55,160 Somehow it seems to change with the age of the beholder. 172 00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:57,920 Probably because you haven't seen it all weekend. 173 00:09:59,780 --> 00:10:00,780 To be sure. 174 00:10:01,140 --> 00:10:05,020 Oh, sir, the children took it to school with them to gain extra credit. 175 00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:06,960 They brought it back, okay. 176 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:08,340 I'll call her up. 177 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:09,640 Tell her thanks. 178 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,320 Yeah. 179 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,080 What 180 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:29,260 are 181 00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:30,440 you doing, Mr. Branch? 182 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,040 Well, Miss Mason's sending a messenger along, collector. 183 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:35,800 What for? 184 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,280 Does she want it back? 185 00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:40,990 No, no, she merely wishes to borrow it so that she may exhibit it. 186 00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:43,550 And exhibit? 187 00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:48,050 Mm -hmm, at the Wyndham Gallery on Fifth Avenue. 188 00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,110 You mean they're going to show it to people? 189 00:10:52,190 --> 00:10:55,750 Yes, evidently this figure is even more valuable than we thought. 190 00:10:59,770 --> 00:11:01,810 I thought we were out of the woods. 191 00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:03,970 We just got deeper and deeper. 192 00:11:04,610 --> 00:11:05,930 What are we going to do? 193 00:11:06,860 --> 00:11:08,680 Maybe the messenger will drop it. 194 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,640 Yeah, maybe he'll be as clumsy as you. 195 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,260 If we're lucky. 196 00:11:36,010 --> 00:11:39,170 Yeah. From the collection of Mr. William Davis. Yes, sir. 197 00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:43,230 Most impressive, sir. What it doesn't say is that that's the whole collection. 198 00:11:43,550 --> 00:11:45,930 Look at that one, Stanley. 199 00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:48,090 Which one? They all look alike to me. 200 00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:50,170 From the William Davis collection. 201 00:11:51,150 --> 00:11:52,150 What about it? 202 00:11:52,590 --> 00:11:55,050 It's the best example of primitive art I've seen. 203 00:11:57,690 --> 00:11:59,330 Looks just like another cow. 204 00:11:59,870 --> 00:12:00,870 Cow? 205 00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:02,330 That's a tribal god. 206 00:12:02,730 --> 00:12:04,450 Maybe they worship... Cows? 207 00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:06,690 It shows how much you know about art. 208 00:12:07,970 --> 00:12:12,310 Think of the skill of those primitive people, thousands of years ago, being 209 00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:13,390 to make something like that. 210 00:12:14,050 --> 00:12:15,510 That's real craftsmanship. 211 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:19,170 Heaven only knows how many weeks or even months it took to make that. 212 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:25,670 Hear that, Uncle Bill? 213 00:12:26,070 --> 00:12:27,950 I guess I ought to be proud I own it. 214 00:12:29,050 --> 00:12:30,930 Hey, you're awful quiet. 215 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,580 We're always quiet in places where it says do not touch. 216 00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:35,900 Like in libraries. 217 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:40,920 Bill! Hi. 218 00:12:41,900 --> 00:12:43,960 Sorry I couldn't break away to join you sooner. 219 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,740 That's okay. We've been looking at everything. 220 00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,880 If you'll notice, your little animal's been given a position of honor between 221 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,220 two very interesting pieces. 222 00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:54,080 The Taraskan Gourd Player and the Kalima Dog. 223 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,780 Oh, yeah, well, I'm glad he's in good company there. 224 00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:58,880 Is he about the same age as the others, Miss Mason? 225 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,360 Yes, they're all about 800 to 1 ,000 years old. 226 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,080 Bill, you're not going to believe this, but Mr. Wyndham's already had an offer 227 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:08,899 for yours. 228 00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:11,080 Really? Well, I'm not going to sell it. 229 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:12,860 $500? 230 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,700 $500? Gosh. 231 00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:17,380 That? 232 00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:21,100 Well, children, you see, you're too young to understand great art. 233 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,200 Yes, we don't understand it all, Mr. Wyndham. 234 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,180 Well, tell him no sale. That was a gift from you, so... 235 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:32,320 Thanks, Bill. I was hoping you'd say that. Well, I consider it a compliment 236 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:33,320 your taste. 237 00:13:33,820 --> 00:13:38,000 Well, I'd better get back up front and help Mr. Windham out. Hey, we gonna have 238 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:38,739 dinner tonight? 239 00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:39,920 Love it. Eight o 'clock? 240 00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:42,320 Eight o 'clock. See you then. Bye -bye. Bye. 241 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,040 Bye. Uncle Bill. Yeah? 242 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:50,540 I'm not an expert, but doesn't $500 seem awful lot for that little primitive 243 00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:51,540 clay figure? 244 00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:53,180 I think so, too. 245 00:13:54,140 --> 00:13:55,280 Well, look at this one. 246 00:13:55,840 --> 00:14:00,920 What if you were a sculptor and somebody offered $500 for something of yours, 247 00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:02,400 huh? For yours, how about that? 248 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,160 Free to sports for comics. 249 00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:18,960 You can have the comics. 250 00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:29,070 Now, will you be dining at home this evening, sir? 251 00:14:29,550 --> 00:14:33,090 No, I'm going to have something to eat with Miss Mason after the show, thanks. 252 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,330 Very good, sir. 253 00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:38,970 Oh, that reminds me, sir. Now that the exhibit is over, shouldn't the pre 254 00:14:38,970 --> 00:14:42,430 -Columbian figure have been returned to us, or are we expected to send for it? 255 00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:45,630 No, no, no. It's going over to the art museum and the rest of the exhibit. 256 00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:49,810 Is that that great big museum you took us to see in Central Park? 257 00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:54,070 That's right, honey. They're going to have a whole exhibit just for pre 258 00:14:54,070 --> 00:14:55,070 -Columbian stuff. 259 00:14:56,650 --> 00:15:01,730 Sir, I dare say that our little clay figure will be viewed by all the art 260 00:15:01,730 --> 00:15:02,770 connoisseurs in the city. 261 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:05,670 Yeah, I thought I was going to be a patron of yours. 262 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,030 I'd better change. 263 00:15:07,310 --> 00:15:08,310 I'll be late. 264 00:15:08,370 --> 00:15:09,370 Yes, sir. 265 00:15:12,170 --> 00:15:13,170 Mr. French? 266 00:15:13,350 --> 00:15:15,250 Yes? What's a connoisseur? 267 00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:20,830 A connoisseur, Buffy, is a person who is especially qualified to pass critical 268 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:22,910 judgment on various art objects. 269 00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:24,350 Like an expert? 270 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,880 You know, believe this or not, Jody, but there are some unscrupulous people who 271 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:35,920 try to pass off copies of really valuable objects as the real thing. 272 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:39,440 What happens to them when the connoisseurs find out? 273 00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:45,220 Well, since forgery is a crime, they are punishable by law. 274 00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:47,760 Does that mean they go to jail? 275 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:50,640 Frequently. 276 00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:57,000 Buffy, do you think experts will be able to tell ours is a fake? 277 00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,420 I think so. 278 00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,740 Otherwise, they wouldn't be experts. 279 00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:06,580 They probably can tell two little kids made it, too. And which little kids? 280 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:12,400 And Uncle Bill might have to go to jail because the card says it's from his 281 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,840 collection. And maybe we might go to jail ourselves because we're the ones 282 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:17,900 made the whole forgery. 283 00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:23,230 We don't want Uncle Bill to go to jail, do we, Buffy? 284 00:16:24,330 --> 00:16:26,210 No, we love Uncle Bill. 285 00:16:26,990 --> 00:16:28,110 Should we tell him? 286 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,090 I guess we're going to have to. 287 00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:31,770 We'll get in trouble. 288 00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:35,190 But it's better than Uncle Bill getting in trouble. 289 00:16:35,770 --> 00:16:36,770 Yeah. 290 00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:45,470 Come in. 291 00:16:49,510 --> 00:16:51,880 Hi. Can we talk to you, Uncle Bill? 292 00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:53,100 Sure. 293 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,480 Something serious? 294 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:55,960 Very. 295 00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:58,920 Well, tell me. Maybe it's not as serious as you think. 296 00:16:59,740 --> 00:17:03,800 Uncle Bill, you can't let him show that present Miss Mason gave you at the 297 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:04,800 Museum of Art. 298 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,520 Why? 299 00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:08,079 Because it isn't the one. 300 00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:09,720 It's a forgery. 301 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:13,480 What do you mean? 302 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:16,740 Buffy and I made it. 303 00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,300 You made it? 304 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:23,900 Uh -huh. And if you showed it at the Museum of Art, some kind of seal would 305 00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:24,699 you in trouble. 306 00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,240 You might even get arrested. 307 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:28,099 And we don't want that to happen. 308 00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:30,200 We told you this was serious. 309 00:17:38,060 --> 00:17:43,140 Now, what is this all about? 310 00:17:43,580 --> 00:17:46,320 We broke the real present Miss Mason gave you. 311 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:47,520 I did. 312 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,640 When we were coming home from school, Kerplunk. 313 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,280 Well, why didn't you tell me before? 314 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,140 We were afraid to. 315 00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:57,600 So we decided to make our own. 316 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:05,360 Well, you sure fooled me, and you fooled Sissy, and French, and all the people 317 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:09,340 at the Wyndham Gallery, and the lady who said it was the best piece of primitive 318 00:18:09,340 --> 00:18:10,520 art she'd ever seen. 319 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,800 And the people who wanted to pay $500 for it. 320 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:16,280 We fooled them all. 321 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:19,880 It's the funniest thing I ever heard. 322 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:22,980 You're not mad at us? 323 00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:26,920 No, no, I never get mad at you for telling the truth. I just wish you told 324 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,100 from the beginning, that's all. 325 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:33,680 Well, we didn't know they wanted to put our forgery in the Museum of Art. 326 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:38,980 No, no, that's the way it goes. You tell one lie and you don't know where it's 327 00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:42,080 going to lead. You always wind up telling some more lies to cover up the 328 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,080 lie. 329 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,680 Then it's still funny, huh, Uncle Bill? 330 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,370 It is when I think of all those experts. 331 00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:51,550 Oh, boy. 332 00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:53,310 What's the matter? 333 00:18:54,110 --> 00:18:55,650 What am I going to tell Miss Mason? 334 00:18:56,410 --> 00:18:59,090 Maybe she won't be angry either if you tell her the truth. 335 00:19:14,790 --> 00:19:16,150 All right, Bill. 336 00:19:16,510 --> 00:19:18,370 You said you had something interesting to tell me. 337 00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:20,070 Yeah. 338 00:19:20,610 --> 00:19:25,650 I'm going to have to withdraw my pre -Columbian from the exhibit at the 339 00:19:27,210 --> 00:19:28,210 But why? 340 00:19:30,030 --> 00:19:32,590 Well, because it isn't genuine. 341 00:19:33,050 --> 00:19:36,370 Of course it is. Don't you think I know what is genuine and what isn't? 342 00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:38,330 Are you taking a good look at it? 343 00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:40,350 Not since I gave it to you. 344 00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:41,730 No. 345 00:19:42,090 --> 00:19:43,910 The pre -Columbian figurine. 346 00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:46,260 It's on display at the Wyndham Gallery. 347 00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:48,340 It's not the same one you bought. 348 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,480 I don't understand. 349 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,940 Well, the kids broke that one. 350 00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:59,420 And so they got scared and they made up a replica. 351 00:19:59,860 --> 00:20:03,980 Of course, they never had any idea it was going to wind up in a gallery, much 352 00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:04,980 less a museum. 353 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,380 I don't believe it. 354 00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:08,620 Here's what happened. 355 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,600 Bill, are you trying to say that a clay figure made by two little children 356 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,220 deceived me and the others who attended the gallery? 357 00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:19,960 Yeah, it was right in there with all the authentic ones. 358 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:23,640 This is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. 359 00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:26,100 Well, it fooled the other experts, too. 360 00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:28,360 But that's meant to make me feel better. It doesn't. 361 00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:32,910 They took my word for it. If this gets out... Let's go to the theater, huh? No, 362 00:20:33,010 --> 00:20:36,270 we don't want to miss the curtain right here. It's a real funny comedy. Bill, 363 00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:38,810 I'm afraid nothing is going to be funny to me tonight. 364 00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:41,150 If you don't mind, I'd just like to go home. 365 00:20:42,490 --> 00:20:43,490 Okay. 366 00:20:59,110 --> 00:21:02,470 Sissy, you know all about men and women, don't you? 367 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:05,170 Well, what about them? 368 00:21:05,710 --> 00:21:08,190 Why isn't Uncle Bill seeing Miss Mason anymore? 369 00:21:08,910 --> 00:21:14,250 Oh, well, you see, Uncle Bill and Miss Mason have gone... 370 00:21:14,250 --> 00:21:15,970 Huh? 371 00:21:17,170 --> 00:21:18,430 They broke up. 372 00:21:18,990 --> 00:21:20,330 Doesn't Uncle Bill like her? 373 00:21:21,070 --> 00:21:22,550 Well, he likes her very much. 374 00:21:22,810 --> 00:21:26,050 But Miss Mason doesn't particularly want to see Uncle Bill anymore. 375 00:21:26,390 --> 00:21:28,010 Because of that clay thing we made? 376 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:33,840 Well, you see, she considered herself an expert on pre -Columbian art. And you 377 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,540 two kids fooled her with your copy. 378 00:21:36,300 --> 00:21:39,320 We didn't think she'd stop seeing Uncle Bill on account of it. 379 00:21:39,740 --> 00:21:42,800 We copied it so she'd keep on seeing Uncle Bill. 380 00:21:44,380 --> 00:21:47,080 Oh, I know that, kids. And so does Uncle Bill. 381 00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:50,260 But Miss Mason's pride is hurt. 382 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:51,920 And that's why they broke up. 383 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:07,780 Miss Mason, what a nice surprise. 384 00:22:08,140 --> 00:22:09,520 May we come in for a minute? 385 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:10,720 Of course. 386 00:22:15,780 --> 00:22:19,440 Buffy and Jody asked me to bring them here because they've got something 387 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,000 important they want to say to you. 388 00:22:21,220 --> 00:22:22,620 I'd certainly like to hear it. 389 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,480 We're sorry we broke up your present and we're sorry we broke up you and Uncle 390 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:31,560 Bill. On account of us, you and Uncle Bill went... And he likes you. 391 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:34,920 Thank you, children. 392 00:22:35,820 --> 00:22:37,980 But I'm afraid you're really too young to understand. 393 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:39,920 Well, yeah. 394 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:44,060 But you... The pieces of the pre -Columbus we broke. 395 00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:47,200 We tried to put it back together, but it wouldn't work. 396 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,340 So we were thinking maybe you could put it together. 397 00:22:51,580 --> 00:22:53,200 Then it wouldn't be broken anymore. 398 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:55,480 And neither would you and Uncle Bill. 399 00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:03,320 Well, that's what they came to say. I guess you better be going. 400 00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:04,900 Please don't go. 401 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:10,600 You know, your Uncle Bill's a very lucky man to have children like you. 402 00:23:11,340 --> 00:23:13,520 We think we're lucky to have Uncle Bill. 403 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,360 Can you put the pieces together? 404 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,740 Well, I'm certainly going to try. 405 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,000 Now listen, you go to bed when Mr. 406 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,140 French tells you to, and I'll give him a hard time, okay? 407 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,960 We won't, Uncle Bill. We'll give him an easy time. 408 00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:46,179 Have fun. 409 00:23:46,180 --> 00:23:47,180 Good night, sir. 410 00:23:47,380 --> 00:23:48,500 Bye, honey. Bye. 411 00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:50,500 Just a minute. 412 00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:55,300 I still can't believe it. What? Bill, could I ask a favor? 413 00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:57,120 Yeah? Could I have this? 414 00:23:57,740 --> 00:24:00,520 It's the best pre -Columbian forgery I've ever seen. 415 00:24:00,820 --> 00:24:04,580 I want to keep that. Now, it might be a forgery to you, but it's authentic to 416 00:24:04,580 --> 00:24:06,100 me. Well, what can you do with it? 417 00:24:06,380 --> 00:24:08,100 Well, I don't know. I've got to look at it. 418 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:13,080 You realize I'm probably the only guy in the world who's got a real, genuine, 419 00:24:13,100 --> 00:24:15,900 handmade pre -Columbian by my own kids? 420 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:21,280 Bye. 421 00:24:26,820 --> 00:24:30,680 It's been very good of you to watch, and we do hope to see you again next week 422 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:31,920 on Family Affair. 30694

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