All language subtitles for Family Affair s05e12 The Unsinkable Mr French

Mr. French, if a bench had just been
painted, shouldn't it have a wet paint

on it?

One would assume so, yes.

See, it wasn't your fault.

Judy,

how did you get paint on your shoe?

He was so mad, he kicked the bench.

Judy, a gentleman never vents his anger
on an inanimate object.

Well, how would you like it if you sat
on a... and signed bench and got paint

all over you.

I'm sure he wouldn't, Jody.

Jody, a gentleman retains his composure
no matter what the provocation.

Is that like keeping his cool?

In a manner of speaking, yes.

Well, I think, children, that we'd best
go home.

Do we have to, Mr. French? We just
thought of a new game to play, prison.

I already got the stripes.

The gentleman does not appear in public
in such a time.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Shall

we

go?

Mr. French, you are a remarkable human
being.

You have indeed kept your cool.

Mr. French?

Yes, I do.

Aren't you going to hurry?

I'm endeavoring to do so, Jody.

But they'll hang up.

Remember, it was the other party that
called us.

If it's important, they'll call back.

And if it isn't important, well, we'll
have missed nothing.

But that's okay if it's for you.

But what if it's for us?

French didn't know it was you. He
thought it was a party.

Let me talk to him.

Mr. French, it's Uncle Bill.

Mr. French, you tore your pants.

Just one moment, please.

Jody, be careful now where you put your
clothes. Remember, the paint is still

wet.

I'll print a sign.

Yes, good afternoon, huh?

Hey, French, listen.

I'd like to bring a lady home for
dinner. Is that okay?

Of course, sir.

Okay. This way.

Permission is granted.

I simply don't believe it. You don't
believe it?

French, the lady doesn't believe it. Do
you want to tell her? Here.

How do you do, French?

May I assure you that your presence will
be most welcome this evening and that

it would not be any imposition
whatsoever.

Well, thank you very much, French.

I'll see you later. Thanks.

It's great about the American Indian
Museum you're building.

Well, I'm not exactly building it,
Sissy. I'm just trying to get the right

people interested with the right money.

Well, you make it. You've got the kind
of determination.

And with your kind of help, Bill.

More coffee, Miss Malcolm?

Oh, yes. Thank you.

May I say once again what a superb meal
that was, and on such short notice.

That's very kind of you, Miss.

I'd like you to meet my friend, Mrs.
Beasley.

Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Beasley?

She doesn't talk much in mixed company.

In mixed company?

Me and other people.

I want to show you a new stamp I got.

It's the stamp of the first moon
landing.

Oh.

Gosh, I'm sorry, Miss Markham.

May I bring you a fresh cup, Miss
Markham?

Yes, thank you.

It's quite all right, Jody. I ducked in
time.

Bedtime, children.

Yes, Mr. French.

Good night, everybody.

Good night. Good night, kids. Good
night. Good night.

Buffy, do you think Miss Markham got any
coffee spilled on her?

She didn't act as though she did.

I wish our teacher was like that.

You know, didn't get sore no matter what
happened.

Well, the children are off to school,
sir, with only one slight mishap.

What's that?

Old Jody couldn't find his left shoe.

What did he do, hop to school?

No, sir, I deduced that he undressed in
a hurry last night and he wanted to take

his bath and show Miss Markham his stamp
album.

So I looked in the left leg of his
trousers and there it was.

What would I do without you?

Hop to work, sir.

Everything went great last night. We
made a big impression on Miss Markham.

Yes, I'm sure Jody did, sir.

She really handled it, didn't she?
That's the kind of woman she is.

Well, I agree, sir. Miss Markham handled
the faux pas most correctly.

Now, I've got another little favor to
ask.

Sir.

Um, Miss Markham wants to have a little
get -together for some people that might

want to back the museum.

Hmm, very attractive construction, sir.
Well, it will be if we can get the

money.

Now, uh...

I told her we could have a dinner party
here on Saturday night.

Very good, sir.

If you'll acquaint me with the guest
list, I'll decide upon the menu and

with all the necessary arrangements.

Okay, but they're going to be kind of,
you know, the high society, giants of

industry and all that.

I don't have to tell you what this would
mean to Miss Markham.

I anticipate no problem, sir.

Go ahead.

Okay, we'll be in touch. We won't let
this throw us, will we?

Sir, when I was in the service of the
Duke of Glenmore, I handled many parties

as important as this.

Well, I never did.

Okay, I got the guest list for you here,
French.

Yes, sir.

Mr. and Mrs.

Andrew...

Van... What's that, sir? Oh, Rensselaer.

Miss Blanche de la Roche.

Mr. and Mrs.

Herbert Allingsworth, Jr.

Miss Markham, of course.

Miss Markham.

Professor and Mrs. Warren Stansbury.

Mrs. Alice Rockingham.

Yes, Miss Markham.

And who else, sir? I was hunting up
another pencil, so the first one broke.

Okay. We'll start again at the top now.

Hey, let's hope the pencil isn't an
omen, huh?

I assure you, sir, that come Saturday,
everything will go swimmingly.

That's Mr.

and Mrs.

Van Rensselaer. Yes, I have that, sir.

Aye.

I beg your pardon, Buffy? Can I help you
back in?

Well, thank you, Buffy. It's very kind
of you to offer, but perhaps if you

straighten out your own room.

I already did, and Uncle Bill says we
should help you as much as we can today

account of the big party tonight.

I see. Very well, Buffy.

Please just try not to bump into things,
if you will.

under control?

Oh, as usual, sir.

I've drawn up a schedule for the day,
and so far, everything is according to

plan.

I'm helping too, Uncle Bill.

That's fine.

Now, I'm going to go to the office. If
Miss Markham calls, she can get me over

there, okay? Yes, sir.

Oh, something wrong, sir?

I'm missing a cuff link.

Oh, perhaps you left it in the bedroom.

No, I had it when it came in, just like
that.

Well, it must be here somewhere, sir.

What happened?

I think I swallowed something.

Miss Markham gave me those cufflinks
down. I want to wear them tonight.

We shall retrieve it in time, so have no
fear.

What are we going to do, Mr. French?

Well, we shall have to forage through
the contents of the bag, Buffy.

Now, wait here.

I had intended to empty the contents of
the bag on this newspaper.

I was trying to help, Mr. French, but
something broke.

To be sure, Buffy.

I'm sorry.

Hey, what are you guys playing?

We're not playing at anything, Jody.

We're trying to find Uncle Bill's cuff
link, and I broke something.

Yes, and we'd better get this broken
part to the repairman with this patch.

Come, Buffy.

Well, while you guys are gone, I'll fix
it.

Does that fix a man know how to fix
everything, Mr. French?

Well, judging by our patronage alone, I
should say yes.

I hope you're not too far behind
schedule.

Oh, we'll catch up, Buffy. Have a beer.

Mr. French, I'm sorry. I didn't know you
were there.

It's all right, Sissy. It was an
accident.

Oh, Mr. French.

There's a vacuum cleaner in pieces in
the living room.

Jody took it apart.

That was my fault. I didn't take him
literally.

I didn't know that he wore polka dot
shorts.

I didn't look this time either.

Mr.

French?

Oh, Mr. French. That looks beautiful.

Well, it's a replica of the proposed
museum by Miss Markham. Do you think

like it?

Oh, she'll love it.

It has everything, except for the
exhibits.

I took the liberty of borrowing the
drawing from Mr. Davis's den.

Oh, you caught it exactly.

I'm sure your uncle will understand when
I endeavor to explain it to him.

Oh, Mr. French, I almost forgot what I
came in to tell you. You see, the faucet

in the sink in the guest bathroom, it's
ripping.

I thought you might want to know.

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Parker.

Good afternoon, Miss Markham.

Hello, French. I just stopped by to see
if I could be of any help.

Oh, thank you, Miss Markham, but
everything's been taken care of.

Well, it's just that I want this evening
to go exactly right.

Oh, we need to have no fear on that
score, Miss.

I'm thoroughly experienced in these
matters.

Thank you, French. I feel better
already.

Until this evening. Until this evening.

Bye. Goodbye.

Mr. French!

Your pot's boiling over.

Well, couldn't you have turned it off,
Mr. Parker?

Oh, I wouldn't want you to fool around
with my plumbing.

What about the drip?

Steady stream.

I'll have to get some other stuff to fix
it. I'll be back.

Mr. Parker?

Yeah?

We have no water, Mr. Parker.

Oh, yeah. I had to turn off the water in
the apartment so I could work on the

sink.

Couldn't you turn it on again
temporarily?

Not unless you want to build an ark.

Put it down wherever you can, children.
Thank you.

Mr. French, the neighbors really think
we're crazy asking to borrow all this

water. The man upstairs said to be sure
to return it. I think he was joking.

What if Mr. Parker doesn't come back and
one of the guests has to wash his

hands? Well, I've already thought of
that, Jody. We shall serve finger bowls.

Hey, that's good thinking.

This has really been quite a day for
you, hasn't it?

Oh, not at all, sissy.

In life, one must learn to meet all new
obstacles with resourcefulness and

ingenuity. In fact, in the words of
Washington Irving, little minds are

and subdued by misfortune, whereas great
minds rise above it.

Did Mr.

Irving say how we're going to take
baths?

I bet not infallible.

Oh, Bill, everything is just perfect.

I've already had people approach me
about donations to the museum.

Grand. We'll have enough for the
cornerstone before the night's over.

Everybody seems to be here except Dr.
Terrell.

Dr. Terrell, he's probably making a
house call.

It's not a joke.

I mean, his foundation can lay the
groundwork for our museum.

And the way that you meet him, he's the
soul of propriety and dignity.

I'm back, Mr. French.

This way, if you please, Mr. Parker.

Evening, folks.

Soon you'll be able to use the bathroom.

That's not the doctor.

You see, the most exciting part of the
project is what I like to think of as

living museum.

Living museum?

Would you clarify that, please, Miss
Markle?

Of course, Dr. Taylor. You see, the
concept is to have an authentic tribal

living in a section of the museum in a
primitive fashion, as their ancestors

did, showing their primitive way of
life.

And each month they'll have a different
tribe represented, like Mandan, Sioux,

Dakota, Blackfoot Crow, so on. Is that
the way it goes?

And the public will be able to see them
setting up teepees and weaving baskets

and working with bone tools?

Well, hi.

I must say I find the idea most
imaginative.

I shall be meeting with my board Monday.

1955

was

a great year for champagne.

This is going to be a rotten year for
museums.

Now.

Mr. French has got a little surprise for
us that we hope will demonstrate that

we can have our museum and eat it, too.

Here you go.

Oh, that is mad.

Coffee will be served immediately.

Well, what's going on, or should I say
what's not going on?

We're thinking, Uncle Bill.

Oh, you are? You want an extra head?

We're thinking about Mr.

French. Uncle Bill, you don't know what
a terrific guy he is. Sure I do.

Well, yesterday, no matter what
happened, he never once lost his cool.

He didn't mind when I spilled dirt all
over the carpet.

And when his pants got ripped in the
door two times.

And when I ruined your drawing.

And when the pot boiled over. And the
water wouldn't work.

And then he put his elbow in the cake.

Well, it was what you call a day of
quiet desperation.

Only he never got desperate.

No, I think I'd have gone around up the
wall.

Well, in spite of all that, everything
turned out okay.

What do you mean?

I mean, Dana called and she said all the
people who were here last night pledged

money for the museum.

Hey, that's terrific.

Maybe they did it because Mr. French was
so funny.

Maybe he loosened them up.

That's what we're thinking, Uncle Bill.
We want to do something special for Mr.

French. Only we don't know what.

Something to say Mr.

French will appreciate you.

Well, he knows that.

Well, you could have a little party and
make him the guest of honor.

That's a super idea.

And we won't let him lift a finger.

How come we didn't think of a party?

Because we needed Uncle Bill's extra
head.

That's right. Okay. I'll leave it up to
you.

What do we serve?

I know what we won't serve.

What's that?

Cake.

Truly, I'm overwhelmed.

This is most gracious of all of you.

Well, people are always quick to find
fault with other people, Mr. French,

but... Somehow they never want to take
the time and trouble to say nice things.

Only we do.

We appreciate you, Mr. French.

Yep.

You're unsinkable, Mr. French.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Come on, kids.

Not another cake, sir.

Oh, no.

I don't think I could dare.

Again, sir, not for quite some time
after yesterday.

My word, this isn't my birthday, is it?

No, but it isn't a birthday cake.

It's chocolate pudding. But you can blow
out the candles.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

We put a candle on for every nice thing
you've done for us. Only we ran out of

candles.

Thank you.

Okay, who wants whipped cream?

I do.

I do.

You know, I believe I shall indulge too,
sir.

I quite understand.

Thank you. Ah, sure.

Excuse me.

Branch, you okay in there?

Coming, sir.