All language subtitles for Family Affair s05e10 Say Uncle

Good evening.

So nice of you to join us.

is the best fighter I ever saw.

Even better than Hercules in the movies?

He's just an actor, dum -dum. He's got
big muscles.

They paint those muscles on you. And
anyhow, what counts as being tough?

Yeah, look at David and Goliath. David
really zonked that big guy.

He threw a rock.

That wasn't very nice.

I guess in those days, rock throwing was
okay if you were on the right side.

My father says the bigger they are, the
harder they fall.

How big is your father?

He's smaller than my mother.

Jody's uncle is real strong.

Oh, yeah?

His uncle works out at the gym all the
time.

Is that right?

He can make the biggest muscle in his
arm I ever saw.

Bigger than a grapefruit?

Uh -huh, and harder than a coconut.

Boys sure talk about silly things.

I know. I'm glad girls don't have
muscles.

You think your uncle's pretty big, don't
you?

He's a very nice man.

This is for girls.

My old man grew up on the east side.

He had to fight all the time. Why?

He says that's the only way you get
ahead in this world.

I think your father's wrong.

If you were a boy, I'd show you who's
wrong.

Jody's a boy.

I bet your uncle's a pushover. Like heck
he is.

I bet my father could make much...

is, girls don't settle things by
fighting.

Then how do girls settle things?

We don't talk to each other until
somebody says, I'm sorry.

Forget it, Tom.

My uncle's not going to fight your
father.

I knew it. Your uncle's too yellow.

He is not.

Sure he is. He's afraid of my father.

My uncle's not afraid of your father at
one bit.

Or anybody.

If your uncle's not afraid, he'll meet
my old man.

We'll see who's chicken.

Hey, move it, will you, Frenchie?

Madam, why must you be cleaning up when
I'm preparing dinner?

Well, let's put it this way. Why are you
preparing dinner while I'm cleaning up?

You've had the whole day to clean up.

I'm finishing in here.

You don't have to move if you don't want
to.

I'll just work around you.

But don't blame me for the one dirty
spot in the whole clean kitchen.

Thanks, buddy.

Anybody home?

Oh, coming, Mr. Davis.

Mrs. Tanner!

How'd it go in the office today, Mr.
Davis?

Okay, Emily, business as usual.

Good evening, sir. I'll take that. I'll
give it to you, Frenchy. I'll hang it

up. I'll hang it up. Thank you, madam.

Oh, well.

Then I'll just take this and stash it in
the den. Mr.

Davis prefers it in the bedroom.

Well, anything that Mr. Davis wants.

Oh, um, would you like me to fix you a
little belt before dinner? No, thanks,

Emily. Madam.

Fixing drinks in this household has
always been my prerogative.

Well, what's the big deal?

I mean, the ice cubes will never know.

I won't get spoiled.

Not a chance.

The kids in their rooms?

Studying, sir. Oh, dinner won't be ready
for half an hour.

Okay.

Oh, Jody, I thought you were doing your
homework.

Oh, I'm just taking recess.

Okay. How'd everything go in school
today?

Fine, I guess.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Nothing special.

You mean you're not busy?

Nope. You got a good ball game in the
stadium. You want to go?

I was thinking of something else.

What?

Go to the park.

You go to the park every day.

I know, but you don't.

Well, what am I going to do in the park?

Fight Tom Richard's father.

Oh, fight Tom Richard's father.

It's all set.

Tom said that you were scared and you
wouldn't fight, but I said you would.

Oh, you did?

Well, we gotta be in the park at 10 o
'clock tomorrow.

Listen, I didn't know you were a fight
promoter these days. I'm your main

attraction, huh?

Oh, it's not for money, Uncle Bill. This
is a grudge fight.

That's worse.

Don't worry, Uncle Bill. Tom's father is
the same size as you.

Uh -huh.

Okay. Would you mind telling me how this
all got started?

Tom started it. I didn't.

That doesn't give you the right to
volunteer me.

Well, I didn't think you'd mind.

You go to the gym three times a week.

This would be just like working out.

Well, a fight in a park isn't exactly
like a workout.

Well, you don't have to hurt him very
much. Just enough to teach his son not

brag anymore.

I am not going to hurt him at all. I'm
not even going to fight him.

You're not.

No, I'm not. I haven't got anything
against him.

And fighting doesn't prove anything
anyway.

It proves who's strongest.

No, it does not prove anything.

All it does is get people hurt. It makes
for more hard feelings, which get worse

and worse. And then it doesn't ever
stop.

You mean forever?

Yes, it could go on forever.

I don't think I'd want to fight that
long.

Well, you shouldn't want to fight at
all. It's just something you do as a

resort.

I guess you're right.

You're going to be more sure of that as
you get older.

I'll go to the park tomorrow and tell
Tom.

Okay, and his father isn't going to show
up either. This is just a lot of kid

stuff.

Maybe Uncle Bill's right and they won't
come.

Is it 10 o 'clock yet?

It was 5, Bob, when we left.

And we've been waiting at least 15
minutes.

I guess we don't have to wait any
longer.

Thanks for coming with me, Bob.

Where's your uncle?

He won't be here.

I thought he wanted to fight.

Do you, Mr. Richards?

Well, Tom tells me your uncle dared me.
So here I am.

He didn't dare anybody.

Because he's chicken.

He is not.

Then how come he's not here like my dad?

Our uncle has more important things to
do than fight.

I don't like that, kid.

You made me come down here for nothing.

He's chicken, too. Just like his uncle.

Don't you say that again.

Chicken. Come on, Jody, let's go home.

You gonna let your sister tell you what
to do?

I'll bet she does your fighting for you,
too.

Jody, just remember what Uncle Bill
said.

Fighting doesn't settle anything.

And I'm too grown up to let you talk me
into a dumb fight.

See that, Pop?

He says he's grown up.

Let's go, Tom. His uncle was only
bluffing, and we called his bluff.

Chicken! Chicken!

Come on, let's go home.

Stick through stones will break your
bones, but words will never harm you.

I know, but they called Uncle Bill a
chicken, too. That harms me.

Sure is hard to believe.

Are you going to do something about it,
Uncle Bill?

Anybody could live in one of those
things for two weeks in space.

Did you know that Pyrrhus lost almost
half of his army when he defeated those

Romans at Asculum? Yep.

That's where the expression Pyrrhic
victory comes from.

What does it mean?

It means when you win a fight, but it
wasn't worth it.

Pyrrhus said, one more such victory and
I am lost.

I guess I lost, too.

No, you did the right thing, Jody.

Is something still right when people get
the wrong idea about it?

What do you mean?

I mean like Tom and his father, thinking
we're afraid to fight.

No, no, it's more important to do what
you know is right than to worry about

what people are going to think and try
to impress them, see?

That's easy to say when Tom Richards
isn't calling you chicken, chicken,

bawk.

Were you scared?

No. You should have seen Jody, Uncle
Bill. He was about to zonk him.

See? You know you've got courage.

What good is it if I can't use it?

Well, courage is a whole lot of things.

Like for an astronaut, it means staying
calm and in control of himself no matter

what happens to him. See?

Sure, Jody. It takes a lot more courage
to avoid a fight than to start one.

Gee, then Tom and his father are really
chicken.

How about that, Uncle Bill?

That's right.

Man.

I bet he told the whole school I was
afraid to fight.

Don't listen to them, Jody. Just eat
your lunch.

I don't understand boys, Audrey.

Neither do I.

I hope it won't be the same when they
grow up into men.

They're just like an adobe.

I know.

Hey, why did the chicken cross the road?

His uncle didn't want to fight Tom's
father.

Let's go eat somewhere else.

Hey, chicken, where are you going?

You shouldn't have done that, Tom.

What are you going to do about it?

Told you it was chicken.

Chicken all the way through.

Let's go.

bravest thing I ever saw anybody do. You
were wonderful, Jody.

I don't feel brave or wonderful. I just
feel chicken.

Well, I do hope that this late snack
won't ruin your appetite for dinner.

You don't have to worry about the kids,
Frenchie. They can really stash it away.

I didn't think I'd ever feel like eating
again.

Oh, that was three hours ago.

Time and an empty stomach can heal many
wounds.

Say, what's going to be tomorrow?

I mean, it's a waste of tuna fish if
that smart -aleck kid is going to dump

lunch again.

Maybe we ought to eat in the cafeteria.

Say, I got an idea.

Why don't I pack you a hard salami?

And maybe you could use it for a club.

You know, Jody, I think at this moment,
discretion would be the better part of

valor. I think one should avoid a direct
confrontation with this boy.

Why don't I just stay out of school for
the rest of the week?

That would be avoiding the problem.

Now, one must hold on to one's
principles.

What if Jody's holding on to his
principles and Tom comes up and slugs

Yeah, what happens then?

Well, then, Jody, I'm afraid if you are
forced into a corner, you have no other

recourse. You must defend yourself.

Hey, Uncle Bill could teach you how to
fight. Why don't you ask him when he

comes home?

Well, unfortunately, Mr. Davis won't be
home this evening. He's out of town on

business. Boy, just when I need him the
most.

Well, Jody, it so happens that I have
some knowledge of the manly art.

Now, I can teach you the fundamentals in
short order.

You know about fighting, Mr. French?

Self -defense, Jody.

Yes, I did some boxing when I was in the
services.

Must have been a long time ago.

But it is still fresh in my memory.
Thank you, Buffy.

Well, Jody, would you like a lesson in
fisticuffs?

Sure. Very well. Let's start right away,
shall we?

Want a lesson in fisticuffs too, Buffy?

No, thanks. Mr. French said it was a
manly art.

Now, Jody, the first thing one must
learn is the proper stance.

How's this, Mr. French?

That's not bad, but get your elbows in a
little tighter. That's right, and flex

your knees a little.

What if Tom kicks me?

Kicks you?

Good heavens, that's against the Marquis
of Queensbury rules.

What's that?

Well, those are the rules of fair
boxing. One may not gouge, nor kick, nor

deliver a rabbit punch.

The rabbit punch?

Why would I want to punch a rabbit?

That's trying to deliver a blow to the
back of the neck.

Well, if Tom can't do any of those
things, and I don't do any of those

what's left, Mr. French? A good, clean
boxing match.

Now I will teach you to parry a blow.

Now go ahead, Jody.

Punch straight out with your left hand.

Hey, that's neat, Mr. French. Could you
come to school with me tomorrow?

No, no, no, no. Come on. Let's do it
again.

I want to see if Tom's around.

So what if he is?

Mr. French said not to get too close to
him.

Well, that was before he gave me my
boxing lessons.

Jody, you're not going to fight unless
you absolutely can't help it.

Well, I'm not scared of him.

And if he does something first, then
he's going to get it.

Hey, you dropped your books.

You pushed them, so you pick them up.

Make me.

I'll get him. No, bub.

Tom's going to.

Oh, yeah?

Now you're gonna get it. Put him up.

Marcus of Queensberry rules.

What's that?

That means to fight fair.

Okay. Jody!

Are you okay, Jody?

Yeah. I just wonder if this ever
happened to the Marquess of Queensberry.

How's that, Slugger?

Jody was very brave. It's hard to defend
yourself three against one.

Well, it's not very fair either.

Well, he didn't hurt me too much.

Well, by the looks of your hands, you
got in some good licks yourself.

That's what happened when I socked Tom
in the knee.

I got in a good lick, Emily. I tore
Tom's shirt.

Fighting is absolutely barbaric. And you
know what Uncle Bill said?

Mr. Frank said it was okay if I was
trapped.

I was just trying to help Jody.

Listen, why don't you guys leave us
alone?

I'd like to talk to Jody.

Well, explain to him about fighting,
will you, Emily?

That's exactly what I'm going to do.

Your hand better?

Lots. Okay, get up.

What for?

I'm going to teach you how to handle
yourself.

Mr. French already taught me the rules
of Marquis of Queensberry.

Oh, well, no wonder you got clobbered.

The market at Queensberry is for the
boxing ring, not for the schoolyard.

What are you going to teach me?

I'm going to teach you street fighting,
kiddo.

You mean kicking and stuff?

I mean everything.

Now, the first rule is only to use your
hands for defense.

Otherwise, you might hurt him.

Well, I don't know about... Ah, come on.
Put up your dukes. Let's go.

Hey, Gilda, your shoelace is untied. But
I don't have...

You see, I could have clobbered you.

But I thought you said the first rule
was not to use your hands, only for

defense.

Yeah, and the second rule is never pay
any attention to what the other guy

You got it?

Got it.

Okay, now I'm going to show you how to
fake a kick and follow through with a

shortcut to the chops, right?

Okay. Okay, here we go.

Oh, no, you don't, Jody. Don't fool an
old pro like that.

Hey.

How you doing?

Oh, hi, Mr. Davis.

How was the trip?

Just fine, just fine.

What's going on there?

Well, I got in a fight, but Tom hit me
first. Oh.

Yeah, but it won't happen again. I've
been teaching the slugger here how to

protect himself.

Emily's really sneaky.

You better believe it. I teach him to
hit first and ask questions afterwards.

It's the only way he can survive in the
jungle.

Well, Emily, I've been trying to teach
him that we don't live in a jungle

anymore. Well, Emily was just trying to
help.

Gee, I hope you're not teed off, Mr.
Davis.

No, Emily, I appreciate what you're
trying to do.

I just don't think that fighting settles
anything, see?

Hey, you know, your uncle's a smart
cookie.

He's smarter than me.

You better listen to him, huh?

Get your jacket.

Where are we going?

We're going to go and see Tom and his
father and see if we can get this thing

straightened out, okay?

Okay.

Yeah?

Hello,

my name's Davis. I'm Joe's uncle.

Oh, you're the guy who didn't show up at
the park on Saturday. Yeah. You mind if

we come in?

What do you want?

Well, Tommy picked a fight with Jody
today.

Is that what you're doing here, Davis?

Can't your kid fight his own battles?

Doesn't look like Tom could fight his
own battles. He had two friends with

see?

My kid doesn't need any help.

He can handle his dukes.

I taught him.

Steve sneaked up behind me and helped
Tom knock me down.

You're lying, and your sister tore my
shirt, so it was really two against one.

I'm not lying.

Big fat chicken liar.

Hey, your shoelaces aren't tied.

Hey, that's not fighting fair.

No, it's not.

Well, aren't you going to do something
about it?

He's supposed to fight his own battles,
remember?

Okay, Tom, show the kid a thing or two.
I don't want to, Pop.

Sure you want to.

No, Pop, I don't.

I see.

You can dish it out, but you can't take
it, huh?

We're going to have a little talk after
they leave.

Okay, we'll leave. Come on.

Oh, it's great.

I don't know. Maybe I didn't do such a
good job with Jody.

Oh, Uncle Bill, sure you have.

Oh, I'm afraid Jody's had a few puzzles
lately, sir.

Sure was a winner today. That other kid
backed right off from him. He was scared

to death.

There's no point in worrying, sir.

Jody did what had to be done.

Well, they try to teach each other the
difference between right and wrong. It

always seems to come down to force in
the end.

Looks like we're to him anyway, I guess.

But he's got to live in a real world.

Jody, what are you doing out of bed?

I have to talk to Uncle Bill.

Okay.

What is it, Jode?

I couldn't sleep. I kept on worrying
about Tom.

How come?

Well, I didn't want to hit him, and it
made me feel awful.

Well, that's good. I'm glad you feel
that way.

What if Tom came back to school
tomorrow?

And his dad made him try to get even.

Well, that could be. A lot of people
spend their whole lives trying to get

And if his friends helped him, then I
would have had to get my friends to help

me. And there could have been a whole
war in the schoolyard.

That's right.

Those things are real hard to stop once
they get started, too.

Everything he said about fighting was
true, Uncle Bill.

It's dumb.

It's the dumbest thing I ever did.

But I'm glad it's over.

Good night.

Wait a minute. Hey, what do you mean
you're glad it's over?

Oh, well, I called Tom and told him I
was sorry.

You called him and told him you were
sorry?

Sure. He knows I'm not chicken.

But this way he can think that I backed
down and he doesn't have to try and get

even.

I don't think we're going to be friends,
Uncle Bill.

But I don't think we're going to be
enemies either.

Good night.

It's been very good of you to watch.

And we do hope to see you again next
week on Family Affair.