Original subtitles

Hi, Chrissy.

Greg, do you realize it's 20 minutes after 6? You were supposed to be here at

o 'clock.

Now we're going to be late for the movie.

I already ordered the hamburger.

After the deal I just made, I can buy you a steak dinner.

What deal?

Take a look at this check.

$300?

Made out to Greg Bartlett?

$275, clear profit.

How'd you do that?

I rebuilt the jalopy and sold it to a guy who wanted a dragster.

That's terrific.

And a friend of his wants to buy one.

So all I have to do is go down to the junkyard, pick up an old heap, and

he knew it, I'll be a tycoon.

Greg, you know, with money like this coming in and your job at the gas

we can get married right away.

Huh?

Like we planned last year.

Thank you.

What did you say about getting married right away?

This check will change Uncle Bill's mind about you.

I'm so proud, Greg.

Thanks.

Susie, your uncle said marriage is a big step. And we should think about it,

remember?

Greg, you are now an independent businessman and can support me.

Let's hurry up and eat and we can go tell him right away.

Catch it, please.

Thanks.

in Los Angeles, sir?

Only about a week, but I wanted to take the kids sailing.

Well, I could perhaps take them to the park for a rowing boat ride, sir, and

keep them used that way, and perhaps a trip to Staten Island on the ferry.

Yeah.

Greg has something very important to talk to you about.

If you're not too busy, Mr. Davis. No, no, no. What's on your mind? Excuse me.

Oh, no, Mr. French. You don't have to go.

You're like one of the family, and there's no reason that you shouldn't

wonderful news.

Go ahead, Greg.

Well, Mr. Davis, since I think of getting married... Right away.

Show him the check, Greg.

Here you are, sir.

A little ketchup, but you can still make the figure out.

$300.

That's very nice.

We've got it, Uncle Bill.

That's our nest egg.

That's not a very big egg to start nesting with.

You see, friends?

Indubitably, sir.

considering the ever -increasing cost of maintaining a household.

Yeah, you don't know about that.

Well, this is just the beginning, Uncle Bill.

Greg has gone into business for himself.

What kind of business?

Fabulous. I'm going to buy beat -up old jalopies from junkyards, and maybe I'll

find them abandoned on the streets.

That way he'll eliminate the middleman.

Cut him down and paint him crazy colors and sell him.

But we're being practical, Uncle Bill, and Greg is keeping his job at the gas

station. That's wise.

Then it's all settled.

We can get married.

That's not wise, no.

Uncle Bill!

What I mean is that marriage is quite serious, and you shouldn't just go

into it.

Right, Greg?

Right. Greg!

I didn't say we shouldn't get married. I said... It was serious like your uncle

said. But we are not changing our mind. Right, Greg?

Right.

Oh, as long as we're not going to get married right away, why don't we catch

flick? If we hurry, we'll be able to catch the second show.

I dig those Steve Hunter movies.

Motorcycles and girls.

Well, you go on, Greg.

I want to talk to Uncle Bill alone.

Okay. See you tomorrow.

Good night, Mr. Davis. Good night. Good night, Greg.

Uncle Bill, you don't like Greg.

I didn't say that. He's a very nice kid.

One of these days, he'll grow up enough to get married. Not now.

I don't care to discuss it.

That didn't go too well.

I think your suggestion was most appropriate, sir.

Sure.

I don't like to leave town now. By the time I get back from L .A., they're

liable to be married.

Well, then I share your concern, sir.

Wait a minute. Los Angeles.

Hollywood is in Los Angeles. That might be better than going sailing.

Sir?

I mean, the kids would like a trip to Hollywood, wouldn't they? Now, if we

it a family project, you know, with the five of us, she might not think that I

was doing it to get her mind off Greg.

My compliment, sir.

Well...

Five years, you pick up a few moves.

Why are you holding the magazine

upside down?

Because I like it better that way.

Hey, kids.

I've got to go out to Los Angeles next week.

And you've got a vacation from school.

So what do you say we all go out there and we can go to Hollywood and see all

the movie stars and the big studios and the palm trees and the whole thing, huh?

Hollywood, that's neat.

We can see TV before it's on TV.

Yep. Won't we visit a movie set and get to see a cowboy picture with lots of

fights in it? Yeah, I'm going to work right in one of the big studios so we'll

see the whole thing, okay?

How's that sound to you?

Well, I guess if the whole family's going, I'll go.

at the pool?

Uh -huh. We already got two autographs. Oh, let's see.

Oh, gee.

Uh, Angelo Marconi and Chips McGuire.

Never heard of those actors.

They're not actors.

Angelo's the waiter who brought us our soda pop. Oh. And Chips the lifeguard.

I'll have that filled up in no time, won't you?

Everything's put away, sir.

Thank you.

Well, I was watching you children from the window. You know, that was rather a

neat back dive you made there, Judy.

Thanks, Mr. French, only it wasn't on purpose.

Did you see my swan dive that turned out to be a belly flop?

Buffy, belly flop is not exactly a ladylike word.

Stomach flop?

Doesn't sound right either.

What's this you're doing?

Oh, she's at her desk, sir, writing another letter to Greg.

Another letter to Greg?

She spent the whole time on the plane writing a letter to Greg.

Well, after all, sir, one must remember it is the first day of our strategy.

I want to drop this in the mail. I'll see you later.

Hello?

Yeah, yes, right here. Just a minute.

Long distance.

Oh, it's Greg. They finally got through.

Oh, you called him.

I'll pay for it.

Hello, Greg.

I miss you, too.

Uh, could you hold on a second? I'll get in the other room.

Could you hang that up?

You know, there are some parents that would listen in at a time like this.

Quite so, sir.

Nosy.

Yeah. Mr. Davis?

Uh -huh.

I'm Bob Griffin. Oh, I've been expecting you. Nice to meet you.

I just dropped by to tell you that our board of directors has examined the

blueprints for the hotel, and we do have a few suggestions.

Okay, okay.

When do you want to talk it over?

How about lunch at the studio tomorrow?

Fine. Good. I'll send a car to pick you up at about 1. Okay.

Look, since you're going to be at the studio, why don't you plan on staying a

while? We're throwing a little party for the press on one of the sound stages of

one of our new pictures.

Oh, grand. Okay.

Could I bring my niece? She'd get a big kick out of that.

Why not? Well, I'll leave passes for you. Thanks very much. Fine. I'll see

Bye -bye.

Now, you see, Greg is such a wonderful human being. He's so unselfish. There he

is. He's absolutely stuck in New York, and all he wants is for me to have a

time. Yes.

Now, tomorrow, do you want to go to one of the studios with me and have lunch

and have a party on the set?

I'm going to mail the special delivery.

This is really fun.

Good party, huh? Mm -hmm, it's exciting.

I can hardly wait to write Greg about it.

Listen, we'll get this picture finished. They're going to sign you for another

one. Now, you talk to my agent, but don't count on it. See, I got plans for

Alaska and Kodiak Bear.

Ah. All right, excuse me. This is Miss Sissy Davis. This is Steve Hunter.

Uh, Steve, this is Bill Davis.

Hi, Bill.

How are you? Hi, Sissy.

Hi. You're going to Kodiak, huh? I just came back from there. We've built a

power plant on the peninsula.

Oh, boy, there's a line of work to be in. Man's work.

You know, I was driving a skip loader for my old man when I was 14 years old.

Yeah? I started out driving a bulldozer.

Okay. You know, you were terrific in McGee. The way that motorcycle went into

the river, wow.

Oh, but I guess you always used stuntmen for things like that, huh?

Not with my stuff.

They're liable to get hurt.

You mean you rode that yourself?

Oh, I broke my leg in two places.

Well, I'm fine now.

Sissy, I know a joint down in San Pedro. They get their shrimp right off the

boat. You want to go down and get some?

Right now?

It's always now.

Would you mind, Uncle Bill?

No, go ahead.

Oh, you can come along if you want to, Bill. There's plenty of room in the

pickup truck.

No, thanks. I got to go over some figures here.

You just go ahead. Have some fun. Fine. We'll see you later, then. I'll see you

back at the hotel.

Okay. Come on.

Bye.

Hey, Bill.

We don't have any figures to go over, do we? No, I just don't think they need a

chaperone now.

It

was

a marvelous afternoon, Uncle Bill.

Whoever said that actors were egotistical and self -centered are

wrong.

You like him, huh? Oh, he's great.

I've never met anybody so down to earth.

Did he suck any guys like he does in his pictures?

Of course not, Jody.

I think he's neat. I'd like to meet him.

You will, tomorrow.

I told him all about you two, and he asked us to come down to the studio and

watch him shoot his picture.

Oh, boy, a real live western.

Maybe he'll let us ride in the stagecoach.

Maybe.

You're invited, too, Mr. French.

Rather dusty, I presume.

You, too, Uncle Bill. He thinks you're great. I'll be there. I'll be there. I'm

going to go write a letter to Sharon about him.

Sharon, that's a switch.

Yes, the process of scientific separation seems to be working, sir.

I wonder if Steve will ride his motorcycle in this picture tomorrow.

Not in a western. It would scare the horses.

Hey,

what's he going to do now?

Steve's going to be riding into the town for the first time.

But he just rode out of town, so he's been here already.

Yeah, I'll come.

I guess that's how they make movies.

It's a quaint custom. You know, Shakespeare always managed to have his

arrive before they left.

Action.

I've been waiting for you, King James.

Well, I'm here.

Thanks, Steve. Won't need you again for half an hour.

New deal.

Oh, like it so far, kids?

Hey, Steve, he didn't hit him hard enough. He's getting up.

Keep an eye on him for me, huh?

Sissy, I want to take you for a quick ride around the lot. My new cycle. Oh,

great. And you were marvelous.

You can think about running a monorail from here over to the hotel.

That's a good idea. That'll be good for the tourist business.

Hi. Hi.

Uncle Bill, we're going over to the stagecoach. Want to come with?

No, you go ahead. Where's Sissy?

Steve took her for a ride on his motorcycle.

He likes her.

She likes him.

Huh.

Well, the movie's okay, but as a husband, no. What do you mean?

Well, you know the type.

Money burns a hole in his pocket. You'll never save a dime, no matter how much

you mix.

You're responsible, huh?

That's an understatement.

That boy's never gonna grow up.

Home to Steve Hunter's just a place where you pick up a clean shirt.

Between climbing the Himalayas and setting out on a six -month trek up the

Amazon.

Doesn't sound too domestic.

King of the kooks, we call them around here.

Well, you coming up the office?

Yeah, in a minute.

Okay.

Pretty short ride, but that was just the beginning. Oh, you really know how to

take those corners. Well, I'd better.

I'm driving in a five -mile sprint at the Speedway tonight.

You want to take it in, Sissy?

Oh, sure.

I wouldn't miss it.

How's the motorcycle ride? Oh, fantastic.

I'll send you one.

No, thanks. She's not quite ready for a motorcycle in New York.

Hey, it's the only way to travel.

Look, excuse me a few minutes. I've got to go to make -up.

Tell you something?

Hmm? I think I'm in love.

Sure. But I'm the one that talked her into coming out here. That's the worst

mistake I ever made.

Have you any idea of Mr. Hunter's feelings, sir?

I would say he is not the type to go in for long engagements. You know, we could

just get a wire from Las Vegas saying...

Just married, motorcycle trip, fine, that sort of thing.

I wonder if one will sooner get rid of Greg when a more serious menace appears.

Davis Suite.

Oh, Greg calling long distance from you.

Hello, Greg.

Yeah. Well, Sissy's not here right now. Want me to take a message for her?

I wanted to talk to Sissy, Mr. Davis.

It sure is lonely here without her.

Five whole days till she gets home.

Yeah, that certainly is a long time.

Listen, Greg, why don't you just hop on a plane and come out here and spend a

few days with us?

Gosh, that'd cost me a lot of money, Mr. Davis.

No, no, I mean, I'll pay for the trip, Greg. I'll pay for your time away from

the gas station, too.

Great. Okay. No, you just wire when you're coming.

Okay. Bye -bye, Greg.

It might just help to have him around. If you remember three days ago, she

couldn't wait to marry him.

I believe the expression there is, uh, roll with the punches.

Okay, you get me with the left, I clip you with the chair, and you comb me with

the bottle.

Sure. Is that okay, Mike?

It'll play.

Okay, crew, set up for the brawl.

Hey, Steve, you better watch out. He looks awful mean.

I hope he doesn't hurt you when he combs you on the head with that bottle.

Well, he won't. Oh, here.

Buffy, you bob Jody on the head.

Hard? Hard.

Gee, I wish I brought my football helmet.

Here goes.

Jody? Seems a registered nerd.

Perhaps not, but it's not a habit one ought to cultivate.

I'll see you two characters later.

Bye. Boy, that was neat, Buffy.

It was neat for me, too.

Steve! Oh, you made it back.

Yes, thanks so much for your car.

This is the friend I picked up at the airport.

Greg, this is Steve Hunter.

How's it going, Greg? This is a real honor, Mr. Hunter.

I bet I've seen every picture you've ever made twice.

Well, good. I can use fans like you. I'll see you in a couple minutes.

Greg? He looks just like himself.

Yeah.

Um, there's something I've got to tell you.

Well, look, I don't want to miss any of the action around here.

Greg, this is important.

I can't marry you.

I'm in love.

Who?

Steve Hunter.

Steve Hunter?

I hope you're not hurt, Greg.

Oh, if it was anybody else but him, I would be. You'd think I was once engaged

to a girl who's going to marry Steve Hunter. Well, he hasn't asked me yet.

He will, don't you worry.

Hey, this is great.

This is really great.

Does he take Greg to the studio?

Yes, sir. He was there with her all afternoon.

Good. Yes, we saw them drive off with Stanton.

Oh, three of them. Well, as long as he's staying in there, that's okay.

Hi,

Mr. French. Hi,

Greg. Hi, Mr. Davis. I'm all checked in. Good. Where's Sissy?

She told me to tell you she wouldn't be home.

She and Steve drove up the coast to Malibu.

What a guy.

Yeah. Why didn't you go with him?

You know how it is when two people go for each other the way they do.

They don't need a chaperone.

That doesn't bother you, you girl, going out with another guy?

Well, anybody but Steve Hunter.

Mr. Davis, you're going to have a terrific son -in -law.

I think I'm going to catch a little strip.

See you tomorrow.

I was reading a paper there.

How's Malibu?

Malibu was beautiful.

Parked in Steve's car and watched the full moon over the ocean.

Sounds pretty romantic.

Oh, it was.

Uncle Bill, Steve asked me to marry him. He said that he would fly off to

Acapulco tonight in his own plane.

What'd you say to that?

I said no.

Thought you were all in love with him and all that.

Well, I said I was.

But when a man asks a girl to marry him and he's only known her for three days

and he wants to go flying off someplace and not even consult anybody about it,

well, Steve Hunter is irresponsible.

You think so?

I think so.

What about Greg?

I've been thinking about him, too.

Uncle Bill, Greg is just immature.

I don't know. I'm just going to have to meet all types of men before I even

consider getting married.

Getting smarter all the time, aren't you?

I'm sorry I couldn't give you a movie star of the family. Steve.

Ah, no place like home.

Ah, no, indeed there isn't, sir. Week in Hollywood was fun, but, well, now it's

back to work and school.

Hey, Bob, let's go figure out who we're going to conk on the head with this

bottle.

Children, there'll be no conking on school property.

Gee,

I never thought I'd hear from him again.

Who?

Ralph Van Dyke.

He wants me to come up to the prom at West Point next week.

That's a new one, huh? Ralph Van Dyke.

He's so handsome, Uncle Bill.

He's taking me to the most important social event of the whole year. There's

telling what this might lead to.

Marriage. Why, he is a cat. Any girl would be so lucky to... No.

Not marriage.

Not to Ralph, or to Steve Hunter, or to Milford.

Milford. Or Harry.

What happened to Greg?

Fuck!

It's been very good of you to watch.

And we do hope to see you again next week on Family Affair.