Original subtitles

I won. You lost $2 million.

That makes $10 million I owe you.

Your financial troubles, Judy?

No. I owe him $11 million from Goldfish.

Well, they're really married.

Mr. and Mrs. Walter Gunther are on their way to Jamaica for their honeymoon.

It was a beautiful wedding.

Isn't she sharing anymore?

Oh, yes, but she's Sharon Gunther.

She must be the happiest girl in the world.

Didn't the best man forget the ring or anything?

No. Sharon and Walter wouldn't have known the difference anyway. They were

cloud nine.

Oh, here, Buffy. I brought you a piece of wedding cake.

Thanks. How about me? I'm hungry.

No, Jody. It's for a girl so she can put it under her pillow and dream about the

man she'll marry.

Well, as long as I'm not going to get married for a while, I think I'll eat

I'll give you halfsies.

Uncle Bill, if a guy eats wedding cake, does that mean he's going to get

married?

Nah, it only works for girls.

That's good. Come on, Buffy.

Uncle Bill, you should have seen Vicki Jones.

She was so excited and anxious. She must have jumped in front of 12 girls to get

to that wedding bouquet.

Did she get it?

Well, sure.

That's the funny part. She doesn't even have a steady boyfriend.

She's supposed to be my roommate in college next year. That is, if she

get married first.

Boy, you're sure losing a lot of girlfriends, aren't you?

I suppose so.

But I want to finish college before I even think about getting married.

Only... What?

Only, it's going to be rough being a spinster.

Especially if I'm the only one.

Give yourself a little time.

But Uncle Bill, when all those couples start getting together, how's a single

girl going to fit in?

No, you can't wear your glasses to bed, Mrs. Beasley.

You'll read all night. I saw you reading those comic books under the covers last

night with a flashlight.

What are you doing, Sissy?

I'm looking at my high school yearbook.

What for?

Because I'm checking off the girls in the senior class that are engaged or

married.

Almost half.

All the girls in my class are bachelors.

All the bachelors are men.

When you're a girl and you're not married, you're called a spinster.

Are you a spinster?

I guess I am.

Vicki, Jones and I seem to be the only ones left in our group.

Is that bad?

Doesn't feel very good at the moment.

Mrs. Beasley, you aren't a spinster because you're a missus.

Who are you calling?

Vicki. See if she wants to go to a movie.

This is Sissy Davis.

Is Vicki there?

Well, who's this?

Her mother?

Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. Jones. I didn't recognize your voice.

You sound like you're crying.

You are?

She did?

No, I didn't have the slightest tingling.

Yes, it is a bit of a surprise.

Why?

Vicki, too.

Why was her mother crying?

Vicki eloped right after the wedding with Sharon's brother.

Don't be sad, Sissy. I'm a spinster, too.

I'm 18.

What does that have to do with it?

18 and unmarried.

Like I'm over the hill.

I'd go to the movie with you, Sissy, but I have to go to bed in 10 minutes.

I'm not going to the movie.

Who wants to go to the movie by herself?

Sharon, Joan, Gloria, and now Vicki.

It's an epidemic.

Here you are, Buffy.

Thank you, Mr. French. Good night, Buffy.

Mr. French, can I read a while?

You may for ten minutes.

Mr. French?

Yes?

I wish we could do something to make Sissy happy.

She's awful sad.

Sad?

Because she's a spinster and she's 18 years old.

No need to worry about it, Buffy.

Good night.

Night.

You know something?

Whatever happened to Mr.

Beasley?

Morning, sir. Do we have time for scrambled eggs and bacon, sir? No,

going to have a buffet over at the club, so I'll eat when I get through playing

golf.

Oh, concerning sissy, sir.

Yeah, what's the matter?

Well, this outbreak of nuptials around here seems to have left our...

Young lady in very low spirits.

Oh, well, about everybody she knows is getting married.

Good morning, Uncle Bill.

Hi.

Hey, what are you going to do tonight?

Hmm? Oh, nothing special.

Why?

Well, I got some tickets for happy returns, and I'm not going to use them,

thought maybe you'd want to go and take one of your boyfriends.

Oh, yeah, I'd love to go.

I'll go make a call.

And I met the neatest boy at Sharon's wedding.

I hear the show's a blast.

Sure.

She'll be all right when she goes to college.

We'll just kind of try to keep her cheered up in the meantime.

Yes, sir. I shall try to recall some jolly music hall remarks and cheerful

anecdotes, sir.

Hi, Ronnie. This is Sissy.

Right. Oh, I'm fine. How are you?

Look, Ronnie, my uncle gave me tickets to Happy Returns tonight, and I thought

that... You can't?

Engaged.

Oh, no, she didn't tell me.

Well, congratulations.

I'm into both of you.

I'm sure you'll be very happy.

Bye now.

I'll get it, Mr. French.

Hi, sissy.

Oh, hi, Greg. It's you.

You want to see a movie?

Greg, how would you like to see Happy Returns tonight?

At 12 .50 a ticket.

You've got to be kidding.

Greg. Uncle Bill is giving us the tickets.

Oh, well, that's different.

Pick you up or meet you there.

Pick me up.

See you later.

Bye.

Greg, wear a tie.

It was the funniest show I ever saw.

Tell your uncle I really appreciate the tickets.

I will.

Boy, I sure needed that, too. I was feeling pretty low.

I know what you mean, everybody inside getting married. Of course, it's not so

bad for a man.

He gets invited to be a fourth at bridge.

Do you play bridge?

No.

Well, here I am, 18 going on 19.

And I'm 19 going on 20.

I've seen girls.

Getting older year by year, growing old and lonely in a small apartment, and

getting dates by computers.

They get dates, but they never get husbands.

And then one day, looking in the mirror and saying, I'm 25.

Life has passed me by.

It's pretty spooky.

It's very spooky.

Want another hamburger?

Okay. Let's try them with walnuts this time. Two walnut burgers, please.

You know, Greg, we see eye to eye on an awful lot of things.

Yeah, musicals when they're free.

And hamburgers.

It's what they call compatible.

That's right.

You know, in this day and age, it's very rare to find two people who get along

so well together.

You're right. The important thing for any couple is to have a lot in common.

We sure do. We sure do. How do we know that we'll ever find anybody else that

has more in common?

Like I've always said, when you find something good, you should never let it

away. Right.

Maybe we should be engaged.

Engaged?

Us?

Oh, well, I don't mind.

Well, if you don't mind, I don't mind.

Oh, Greg, thanks for asking me.

Isn't it great we're engaged?

It's great.

Your walnut burgers, chili sauce, or ketchup?

Chili sauce.

Even that.

Hey, you like the show?

Oh, it was great.

Tonight is an evening I'll never forget in my whole life.

Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Gee, is it that good?

It's what happened afterwards.

What happened afterwards?

Greg and I are engaged.

Greg, that's the same Greg you call a Sony Greg, that Greg?

We just realized how much we have in common.

I see.

I didn't know you were serious.

How long are you planning to be engaged?

Well, actually, we didn't go into that. I still want to go through college, and

Greg has to save some money.

Well, that's sensible.

We're looking at this like two mature people, Uncle Bill.

Sure.

What's four years as long as you're engaged, right?

That's right.

I can't wait for Sharon to get back from her honeymoon to tell her. I'm going to

call Joan and Vicki and Gloria right now.

Listen, it's after midnight. Don't you think it could keep till morning?

Oh, I guess so.

I can tell them tomorrow at school.

We'll maybe surprise.

I don't know when I've ever been so happy.

Good evening, Susie. Good evening.

Mr. French, I'm engaged.

Excuse me, Mr. Davis. Did she say engaged?

Yeah, she's engaged to Greg.

Well, if I may say so, sir, you seem to be taking this whole situation rather

calmly.

Well, she's not engaged to be married.

Sir, excuse me, I... She's engaged to be engaged.

Yes, of course.

Good night, Sam.

Sissy, when you and Greg get married, is he going to live here with us?

Well, of course not. We'll have a place of our own.

Boy, am I glad of that.

I thought I was going to have to share my room with.

We're going to have a brother -in -law.

Who? Greg.

Oh, yeah.

And then when Tissy and Greg have a baby, I'll be his aunt, Aunt Buffy.

You sure don't look like an aunt.

Well, you don't look like an uncle.

You mean that baby's going to call me Uncle Jody?

Mm -hmm.

and we'll have to take him to the park and watch him while he plays with the

kids.

How can we watch him if we're playing with the kids?

I guess we just can't play with the kids, Jody.

Boy, I don't like being an uncle.

Will you guys please quit talking and finish your breakfast? You're going to

late for school.

stopped by Mr. Edelman's candy store. I want to buy a peanut bar for after

lunch. Jody, we can't buy peanut bars. We have to save our allowance.

What for?

For Sissy and Greg's wedding present.

Gosh, I wish he never met that guy.

I love peanut bars.

Just a little.

That's good.

Thank you.

When you and Greg get married, are you going to live around here?

I don't think so.

Probably Greenwich Village.

What do you think, Greg?

Anything you think.

You know, this married life is really great for a guy.

You come home from work, and the little woman has dinner all ready, and your

slipper's out. It's really great.

I'm going to do all of that for Greg.

No kidding.

Mm -hmm. Thanks.

You know, every morning, Walter brings me my coffee and orange juice in bed.

I'm going to do that for Sissy, too.

Oh, Greg, how sweet.

Have you guys set a date yet?

Well, not the exact date, but it'll be a June wedding.

Oh, wonderful.

That's not far off.

Well, not this June.

After I graduate.

Four years?

That's a long time.

Well, I'll just about have the engagement ring paid up by then.

I just love it. You see how it sparkles when I move my finger?

It sparkles all right.

Oh, Susie, Susie, I'm so happy. You have no idea.

Well, I can see. Just look at you.

Hey, you're not serious about waiting four years, are you?

Well, you and Walter are sure a good argument against it.

Well, there's no rule says a girl has to go to college.

Well, why couldn't she be married and go to college, too?

Well, sure.

Lots of girls do.

Why, it works out fine.

Well, maybe we'll change our mind and have that June wedding this year.

Greg?

June wedding.

That's this June?

Mm -hmm.

I knew you'd be surprised, Uncle Bill.

Yes, I am. If you could have just seen Sharon and Walter in their dreamy little

apartment. As you were going to finish college.

Oh, I know, but they're so adorable.

He brings her orange juice in bed every morning, and she has his slippers ready

for him when he comes home from work.

You and Greg are that much in love?

Oh, more.

We don't have too much time to get organized.

They're the wedding announcements and the bridesmaids.

I'd better get on the phone right away to the girls. Yes. Excuse me.

Aren't you thrilled, Uncle Bill? I am.

Sure.

Sure thing, Mr. David.

You know, change her lube job.

Oh, I want to talk about Sissy.

Well, it's about the June wedding.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Well, if you're wondering how I'm going to support Sissy while she's going to

college, don't worry.

I've got this gas station job, and then there's my new combo.

Combo?

Yeah, I'm going to start one with a couple of other guys.

The inner tubes.

Like that?

Yeah, that's sketchy.

I'll either wind up with a chain of gas stations or a bunch of hit records.

Yeah.

Listen, the night that you went to the theater, how did it come about that you

got engaged, anyway?

I asked her.

Of course, if she hadn't made me realize how much we had in common, I would have

never realized it.

We've got a lot in common.

Chili sauce.

Yeah, stuff like that.

June's a good month to get married in. No use waiting.

Um, was that your idea to move the date up?

In a way. When Sissy said, why wait four years, I went along with her. We're

compatible.

Sure.

Well, nice talking to you, Greg.

Same here, Mr. Davis.

Uncle Bill.

on, Uncle Bill.

Oh, sit down.

I want to talk to you before Greg gets here.

Greg? Uncle Bill, we're not going out tonight.

No, I called him up and asked him to come over.

Hmm. You sound awful ominous, Uncle Bill.

Well, I guess you know I don't approve of this June wedding.

You think we should wait a few months?

I don't think you should get married.

Uncle Bill?

Greg's a very nice boy, but I think you're just getting married for the

reason.

Well, I'm getting married because I'm in love.

You are, huh?

Well, of course.

Could it be that all your girlfriends are getting married and you want to be

left behind?

Uncle Bill, how can you say such a thing?

Greg and I love each other.

Well, I'm not going to let you treat marriage like a kid playing around with

games.

I'm not a kid, and neither is Greg.

Excuse me, sir. The young gentleman has arrived.

Oh, ask him to come right in. Yes, sir.

What are you going to say to him? Just going to clear the air.

Hi, sissy.

Hi, Greg.

Evening, sir. Oh, Greg, sit down.

Hey, Greg, sit next to me.

Sis, you and I have been discussing the marriage.

Have you set the date yet?

Oh, sure, the, um... The 23rd of June.

The 23rd of June.

Of course, if you think that's rushing things, we could always put it off until

July or August or... Greg, Uncle Bill doesn't think that we're in love.

Well, what kind of thing is that to say to your future relative?

Of course we're in love.

Well, marriage is very serious business, Greg.

You have to think it over very carefully.

He has thought it over. We both have.

What did you mean, Mr. Davis, when you said marriage is serious business?

Well, I mean, when a man gets married, he's not just taking on a wife, he's

taking on a big responsibility, too.

It's probably the most important step he'll ever make in his life.

Yeah, I'll bet.

So, uh, he shouldn't talk himself into something that he hasn't thought over

very carefully.

Greg hasn't talked himself into anything.

Well, I think he has. I think you have, too.

Listen, Greg, did you ever think of saying to Sissy, I don't think we're in

love, let's not get married?

Oh, I couldn't say that to her.

Why not?

Well, if I said what you said, she'd feel terrible.

Is that why you couldn't say it?

Sissy, you're the best friend I have.

Friend?

Well, I don't know what you're so upset about. I bought you an engagement ring,

didn't I?

Oh.

Well, Greg, I'm not in the habit of accepting engagement rings from friends.

Here, friend.

I hope you're satisfied.

Well, it's getting late.

I'd better go. Good night, Uncle... Mr. Davis.

Good night, Greg.

Good night, you guys.

Good night, Uncle Bill.

Could you take us to the planetarium on Saturday?

Yeah, I'd love to take you to the planetarium.

Maybe Sissy could come, now that she's unengaged. Sure, she could go, too.

Uncle Bill.

I'm sorry, honey, but things were really getting out of hand, you know.

I guess so.

We're glad you're not getting married, Sissy.

We'd miss you.

Well, I'd miss you, too.

Now it's better. We can spend our allowance on candy instead of a wedding

present. Good night.

Uncle Bill.

Well, I did piss. when all my friends seem to be getting married and leaving

behind.

No reason to panic. You know you're going to find the right guy someday.

Poor Greg.

You know, that would have been a dirty trick to play on him, making a husband

out of a good friend.

You hungry?

I want to go read the iceberg.