Original subtitles

I've been told Her Majesty was recently seen on the telly.

Yes, she was seen reviewing the troops in front of the television cameras.

A matter of family tradition, you know.

Marvellous horsewoman, the Queen.

Sits a horse like her late grandmother.

How well I remember our late Queen Mary.

When I was very young, a symbol of strength and continuity.

The old days.

Another world, indeed.

Indeed.

Tony,

look.

What? The one with the beard, look.

Henry.

It's Henry.

If we may ask, gentlemen.

What do you wish?

Right down to the last whisker.

Marvelous. Even the voice, it's perfect.

Sir? Say something else.

Gentlemen, I've no doubt that it's your intent to sell us something, and I would

suggest that you be off, post haste.

It's Henry to a T.

Henry whom?

Now, I know this must seem strange to you, but it's exciting, and it's very,

very important. We've searched all over New York City.

I'm Fred Wallace.

Really? My name, sir, is not Henry. It is Giles French.

Of course, this is no doubt a question of mistaken identity. Now, if you will

excuse us, gentlemen.

No, no, no, no. I'm Fred Wallace, the movie producer.

This is my associate, Tony Brooks.

Movie producer?

Connected with the cinema, it would seem. They are in trade.

No, ladies, you see, you don't understand.

We want to put Mr. French in pictures.

Come now, you jest.

No, no, we're telling you like it is.

And we want you to play Henry VIII.

Henry VIII?

The British monarch?

Mr. French?

There is a certain resemblance.

We've given up all hope of finding our star. We've interviewed over 200 people

and all of a sudden, wham, there you are in the flesh. Henry, it's you.

Well, I appreciate what you seem to think is a magnificent opportunity,

gentlemen. Of course, it's absolutely out of the question.

Indeed,

of course, of course.

Our Mr. French, stunning makeup and childish costumes.

How undignified.

Playing at a show?

Ridiculous.

Mr. French, I'll be honest with you. We need you. You're a very unique type.

Yes, well, I'm sorry, gentlemen, but my personal obligations preclude any such

enterprise.

But you'd only have to take a couple of days off.

You see, ours is not a full -length picture.

And we're going to shoot it right here in the city. You'll be well paid.

Stuff and nonsense. Now, if you would excuse us, gentlemen, please.

Now, wait a minute. The movie business can't be all that bad. Your queen has

knighted a lot of British actors.

He has a point there. Of late, the theater has come to be accepted as a

profession. Ah, but not the cinema. Oh, yes.

Think of the command performance as showing a British films to royalty.

Right. And think of the historical opportunity to present to the world a

picture of the British crown.

Well, now, if you think of it in that way, Mr. French... One must sacrifice

oneself in the name of one's country, even one's dignity.

Mr. French!

Mr. French, can we go home now? We have a lot of homework.

And I'm late for stickball practice.

Well, here, sir, you see two reasons why I couldn't possibly take the time.

You'd pass up the chance of a lifetime to play nurse to two kids?

Exactly.

Good day, gentlemen.

Come, Buffy.

Don't make it definite until you think it over.

I mean, there must be some way that you could give me a couple of days.

Here, call me.

One must ask oneself, my dear fellow, what would Francis Drake have done?

Or Lord Nelson.

Or Sir Walter Raleigh.

Well, they'd have done the movie. Anybody would do them.

Except him.

Good day, gentlemen. Come, Buffy.

Mr. Frank?

Who are those men?

Oh, they wanted me to play in the cinema. Or as you would say, the movies.

Like Lassie and all the other movie stars?

Exactly.

Are you going to?

Dear me, of course not.

Too bad.

We should have got your autograph and traded it to the kids for bubble gum.

I presume, sir, it was simply a matter of the beard.

However, I'm...

frequently reminded that I bear a certain resemblance to the portrait of

by Hans Holbein.

Why don't you play the part?

Sir, one has obligations.

Well, we could get along for a few days, I mean, if you really want to do it.

Oh, Mr.

French, I just heard.

Henry VIII, you're perfect for it. That's absolutely ideal casting.

Well, I seem to be a minority of one at the moment.

Maybe I could play one of Henry's wives, you know.

Henry, I've a heart. I don't want me blaming any chump, too.

Sounds a little more like Liza Doolittle than Anne Boleyn.

You know, sir, in my opinion, Henry's life has always been depicted rather

farcically. I mean, well, too much posturing and throwing of chicken bones

such, well, such vulgar displays. Now, if I were to play the part, you know,

sir, I...

So my place is here.

Mr. French, think of it as a patriotic gesture.

Well, I suppose I could donate my salary to British charity, yes.

Yeah, you could rig up a premiere for the British Colonial Society, something

like that.

Right.

Do it, Mr. French.

England expects every man to, you know.

Well, sir, since Sissy and Admiral Nelson seem to be of one mind, I... I've

choice but to accept her.

If twa done when tis done, well, twa done quickly.

Ah, right.

I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Will Shakespeare, Macbeth.

Oh, they don't write that kind of stuff anymore, do they?

Now, gentlemen, what is our first move? I mean, publicity or reading of the

script?

Oh, yeah, yes, yes. We'll do all that, but we'll do it later.

Tony, take him to wardrobe.

Wardrobe?

Oh, you mean our rack in the basement, Mr.

French.

Ah,

sir, I have received much honor in your presence, and you shall find me

thankful. Lead on.

Inside everybody in this world, there is an actor.

Hi. Hi.

I take your briefcase on account of Mr. French's business. And I'll help you off

with your coat.

Okay. Can you lift me up so I can take it off? I'll meet you halfway.

Hi, Uncle Bill. Hi. Dinner's going to be a little late. Mr. French has been

busy. Okay.

Don't tell me. Henry VIII.

Loyal and obedient servant as therein illustrated.

Is he our Mr. French?

Used to be.

Tis one and the same beneath these royal vestments.

Oh, Mr. French, you look beautiful.

Look it. He's wearing a miniskirt.

A patio.

That's the way they used to dress in the old days.

That's why they had to grow beards, so they can tell I'm apart from the ladies.

That's right.

You look great.

Ah, and now, my liege, I shall prepare a most appropriate feast of good English

roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.

No crew, no script, no rehearsals.

What kind of a movie is that?

I must admit, sir, that I was a little anxious myself at first. At first?

Yes, sir. Mr. Wallace explained it to my satisfaction between scenes.

You tell me that that is the way movies are made for the art houses. For the

commercial film, that's somewhat more lavish.

Oh, it's an art movie.

Yes, sir. It seems that our Mr. Carroll, the director, is a disciple of trans

-realism.

What's trans -realism?

Well, sir, that was never explained to me, but it sounded impressive. I think

I'd better go down there with you tomorrow.

Oh, no, sir, no, no. That won't be necessary, sir. You see, we wind up

production, as they say, sir.

It's the new wave, you see.

One can't stand still while making motion pictures.

You don't think you've been brainwashed a little, do you?

Perhaps a lightly rinse, sir.

But then I remind myself that mine will be an accurate portrayal of a British

monarch.

And it is necessary to make sacrifices to that end, sir.

What show do you need tickets for that nobody can get and I can't either?

Now, I don't want any tickets this time, Herb. Listen, I just want some

information. You ever hear of a producer named Fred Wallace?

Sure. Shoestring operator.

Legitimate? Well, if you mean does he have film in the camera, yes.

He makes avant -garde stuff. He fools a few suckers into thinking it's art.

Picks up a couple of bucks now and then. Why?

Well, he picked up French.

You know, French picked him up on a park bench. He wants him to play Henry VIII.

That sounds like Wallace all right.

With French, he saves beard money.

I see. Well, look, I kind of encouraged French to do it, you see.

And now I'm kind of worried because the more I hear about this thing, the more I

think there's something shady going on.

Well, all I know is they make a film for around, oh, $1 ,500.

$2 ,000 for a big super feature. Does that tell you anything?

Yeah, yeah, that scares the life out of me.

Yeah, French is out.

He's going to make a big British premiere and everything. He's attending

committee meeting now, you know what I mean?

Now, listen, is there any way I could see a copy of this film before it's

released, do you think?

Okay. Thanks a lot, Herb. I appreciate it. Right. Bye -bye.

I had to think we were present at the discovery of a cinema star before our

eyes. We were absolutely thrilled, Mr. Fresh.

Listen, the probability of great fame hasn't changed him one iota.

Nothing will change him.

Once a gentleman's gentleman, always a gentleman's gentleman.

A British gentleman's gentleman.

Oh, you do me great honor, but in truth we know not how it may turn out.

But we shall soon.

Tickets for the benefit premiere are going splendidly. I am investing in a

new outfit.

Good afternoon, Mr. Davis.

Hello, Miss Fabersham, Mrs. Marley, Mr.

Hardcastle. How are you?

Mr. Davis, our committee would be honored if you and the children were to

the benefit premiere as our guests. We have voted to send a print of the film

the Queen.

Well,

I wanted to get a block of tickets. Have you got the date?

We have scheduled our gala performance for a week Friday at the British

Hall.

Oh, that's great.

Isn't it splendid for Mr. French?

For the Davies family.

In fact, for the benefit.

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Well,

it turned out to be easy.

I just told Wallace that we wanted to buy a percentage of the picture before

release. Of course, it's just a word print. No titles or opticals yet.

Well, I just want to make sure it isn't a catastrophe.

Run it.

King Henry met and fell in love with the fair young Anne Boleyn.

Henry composed the beautiful music with which he serenaded her.

Boy, they sure gave him the works.

And why would they want to do a thing like that? They told him it was on the

level. And it probably was.

Looks to me like they shot a legitimate version of Henry VIII, took a look at

the picture, didn't like what they saw, so they poked up the film.

Yeah.

Well, can you imagine that? It's a gallop premiere of the British Colonial

Society.

Mr. Wallace, I want to buy the film.

It's not for sale, Mr. Davis. It's going to be a hit.

I smell big money.

I realize that the original version didn't turn out the way we wanted, but

was before I realized that you're Mr.

French. It was funny.

How much?

You serious?

Sure, I'm serious.

Well, um... Look, Mr.

Davis, I mean, what do you care?

I mean, let's face it, the guy just works for you.

Well, he's a friend of mine, too, so I don't want to see him ridiculed.

Ridiculed? Well, who's ridiculed? He's a movie actor now. What's the difference

whether they laugh at him or applaud for him? It's all the same.

Okay. Now, look, I've already called my lawyer. We'll just go into court and get

an injunction.

Mr. Davis. French signed a contract.

He's an adult.

He read all the fine print.

Yeah, but you misrepresented what kind of film you were going to make.

I mean, you kind of tricked it out, didn't you?

Now, it's fraud. You know it.

Well, he didn't ask for script approval. He agreed to play Henry VIII, and that

is exactly the way we shot it.

Mr. Wallace, we're going to fight the release of the picture. See? Whatever it

takes.

Well, I don't understand it. I mean, you're all worked up over a butler.

Okay, now I'll give you a choice.

Here's what you can do. You can sell a film to me, make yourself a couple of

bucks, or else don't sell.

Just go into court and take your chance of being on the other end of a suit for

fraud. Okay?

Ten thousand?

Two. I'll give you $2 ,000 and not a word to French.

Well, I can't get over it.

All this, the guy isn't even a relative.

Glorious night.

A world premiere.

Goodbye, Mr. French.

Hello, star of the cinema.

Well said.

Uncle Bill, what if the movie's a big hit and they want Mr. French to be a big

movie star?

He wouldn't do a thing like that to us.

Well, I can't wait to see it. I'll be able to tell all my friends that I know

movie star personally.

Well, however it turns out, we just hope the best for Mr. French.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to make the following announcement.

We have just learned that the film we were to see commemorating Henry VIII of

England has been accidentally destroyed in a laboratory fire.

Uncle Bill, the film burned up?

All of it. That's awful.

We want you to see anything.

No, not if the negative's burned up.

Strangely enough, it's a matter of historical record that on June 29th,

the Globe Theatre in London caught fire and was burnt down.

The production at that time was a play by William Shakespeare called Henry

And so, with your kind permission, in lieu of the charred film, I will give

readings from that inflammable play.

Scene five, on the birth of a baby girl to Henry and Anne Boleyn.

A girl who would later become Queen Elizabeth I.

Oh, Lord Archbishop, thou hast made me now a man.

Never before this happy child did I get anything.

This oracle of comfort has so pleased me that when I'm in heaven, I shall desire

to see what this child does.

Praise my maker.

To you, my good Lord Mayor.

You know, I like this just as good as a movie. Better, on account of Mr.

French won't be leaving us.

I don't know what he's saying, but it's nice.

It's good.

I sure would have liked to have seen that film.

Yeah, I bet that was really something.

I thank you all.