Original subtitles

The jeep's ready any time you are, Bill.

Okay.

Well, no matter how well you pack, there's always one shoe left.

Where do you go from here?

Well, it's either going to be India or Iran, but I'm going home for a while.

Yeah, I'll miss this picture.

Must be pretty rough being away from them so long.

Yeah.

Nice to know they're back there waiting.

You're forgetting Toothy. Huh? Oh, yeah.

I recall a headmaster with the same insincere smile, son.

Uncle Bill, did Tootsie really try to eat you?

Well, he had me on his menu, but I just wouldn't cooperate with him.

I wish you wouldn't go to those dangerous places.

Well, Sissy, Uncle Bill has to go where his work is.

That's right.

Hey.

You don't look like yourself. You look kind of different.

She looks the same to me.

Me, too.

Yeah, Matt.

Oh, it's your hair.

You changed the way you've been doing your hair.

I haven't worn my hair like that for ages.

You were away two months, son.

Do I look any different?

Not so I can notice.

I got a new tooth.

Roger lost four teeth in one day.

Four? Who's Roger?

You know, my best friend.

I thought Pete was your best friend.

Pete moved away a long time ago.

He was still here when Buffy and me had the mumps.

The mumps? I didn't know they had the mumps.

Oh, yes, sir, we took it in our stride.

Pete moved right after Mr. French took us to the doubleheader.

That sounds like fun.

Oh, it was.

The weekend in the Berkshires was the wildest, though.

I bet that bull's still waiting for you, Mr. French.

This was our first and only appearance as a matador, sir. We were resting on

laurels. Oh, you see, we were dining al fresco in a meadow, and this bull

decided to join us.

French took the white and red tablecloth and led him away.

You should have seen him, Uncle Bill.

I wish I had.

Well, I better get on with my homework.

Me too.

We'll be all done with our homework so you can read chapter four, Mr. French.

Yeah.

What's chapter four?

Yes, sir. Winnie the Pooh.

Well,

they all look fine. You did a good job, French.

Thank you, sir. We had to improvise, but we've done our best, I think, sir.

A lot can happen in two months.

Especially with children of the twins' age, sir. They're growing up. Yeah, I

see that.

Oh, well, if you'll excuse me, sir, I'll get these things unpacked. Oh, is there

anything special you wish done with your trophies, sir?

Oh, put them... I don't know. I'll think of something.

Sure, I'll go to Brazil.

You think I can handle the job?

I wouldn't ask you if I didn't think you could handle it.

Before you went to Nigeria, you said this Brazilian dam was one job you had

start yourself.

Well, I changed my mind.

What happened in Nigeria?

Nothing. It's what happened here to my kids.

But what did happen?

Well, things changed in two months. They've been growing up and I haven't

around to help.

So from now on, somebody else can go to Nigeria and Brazil and Iran and all

these places. I'm going to stay here with my kids.

You? A full -time father?

Right. I'm going to spend evenings and weekends with them.

And I'm not going to settle for a picture that doesn't even look like them

anymore.

It's a big change.

But you'll probably make it work.

Yeah. Can you leave tonight?

Yeah, sure.

Let me know when you get the job underway again.

Good luck with the project.

Good luck with yours.

You mean you're never going away again, Uncle Bill?

Nope. Well, I might have to go for a day or two, but there's not going to be any

more of this being gone for five and six months.

Who'll do your work for you, Uncle Bill?

Well, somebody who hasn't got three good reasons to stay home, that's who.

It's going to be great having you here all the time.

We're going to plan a whole lot of things we can do together, too.

Uncle Bill, now that you're staying home, can me and Mrs. Beasley go to the

Statue of Liberty?

She's very patriotic.

And shall we go to the big swamp?

Roger says it's in some place called New Jersey.

Sure. We'll take Toothy along, too. He'll fit right in there.

I'll go make a list of places you can take us, Uncle Bill. Me, too.

Oh,

it should ease things for you.

We haven't felt unduly pressured, sir.

Oh, come on. Let's face it, French. I took responsibility for those three

and you've been doing the job.

Sir, I think you grossly underestimate what you've been able to do in spite of

your travels.

I haven't given them any real family life.

But I will.

Sir, well, if you'll excuse me, sir, I have dinner to attend to.

Sure, sure.

You've been on the subway lots of times.

Yeah, but we want to ride all day.

May we?

Okay. Hey, this is quite a book he's reading you.

Mr. French says poo is basic.

Uncle Bill, now that you're going to be home a lot, will you read Winnie the

Pooh to us, too?

Sure. Come on.

One day... Ah, chapter five in which Piglet meets a heffalump.

One day when Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh and Piglet were all

together, Christopher Robin finished a mouthful he was eating and he said

carelessly, Ah, I saw a half -lump today, Piglet.

What was it doing, asked Piglet. Oh, just slumping along, said Christopher

Robin. I don't think it saw me.

I saw one once, said Piglet. At least I think I did, he said.

Now, kids, I want you to meet a good friend of mine. This is Miss Moran.

Hi. That's Sissy.

Hi. And Buffy.

Hello. This is Mrs. Beasley.

She's my friend.

I'm very happy to meet you both.

And that's Jody.

I take hands, but I got a splinter.

Splinter? Let me see.

There. No, I think that's chocolate. Oh.

There.

I'm kind of good at this. In fact, I'm sort of a splinter specialist.

I have three young nephews.

Would you like to let me try and take it out?

Okay, well, I'll need a sterilized needle and some tweezers. Just a minute.

Buffy, turn around.

That's the dearest dress.

Mrs. Beesley picked it out.

You know, I have one very much like that, but I found the lines were better

without the belt.

You like this?

Mm -hmm.

It does look better.

I think so, too.

Here you go.

Thanks. See?

Tweezers?

Come over here, my friend. Let me sit down.

Now, Jody, I know you're going to be very brave, but why not, just for fun,

before I start, say out three times as loud as you can,

louder than that.

Ouch!

There's your splinter.

I didn't even feel a thing.

I told you I was a splinter specialist.

Sissy, where'd you get your hair done?

Oh, I did it myself.

Oh, uh, dinner may be served whenever you're ready, son. Okay, let's give him

another minute to get acquainted.

You really seem to like her. I don't know why I didn't bring her before.

She has a very natural way with children, sir.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Bill, these poor underprivileged children haven't been to a drive -in

since you were away.

Will you please take us to one, Uncle Bill?

Please? Okay, we'll hunt up a genuine drive -in if we have to go all the way

Yonkers. And you said that we can go on a picnic, too. Absolutely.

Picnics are super for splinters.

French, we can pack up one of those big lunch.

Very good, sir. Oh, no, let me pack it up.

French can have a holiday.

Okay, you heard the lady.

Yes, sir.

I did.

Well, anybody else in this family starving besides me? I am. I am, too.

Come on.

Come on, you kids. You're going to be late.

Oh, uh, excuse me, sir, but if you're pressed for time, I'd be happy to take

twins to school. Oh, no, no. It's right in the way of the office.

You know, I'm surprised how many fathers take their kids to school.

I'll pick them up this afternoon, too.

But will you be leaving the office so early, sir?

Oh, well, I have to today. I've got a meeting with the school, uh, let's see,

vice principal.

I might have to be on the PTA committee.

Oh, but, sir, tonight is your dinner at the Steak and Sirloin Society. I know, I

know, but I'm not going, so if anybody calls, except for Miss Moran, just tell

them I'm tied up, okay?

Hey, you slowpokes, come on!

Yeah, I'm almost ready.

I'll go, Bill.

Oh, Mr. French, I won't be home right after school today. I've got to pick up

typewriter. Fine. You're going to borrow a typewriter?

No, I'm buying one. A second -hand portable for only $30.

Well, it may be a third - or fourth -hand, but it's still in good condition.

Do you need one?

Oh, I tell you, I've been using Susie's and the ones in the school library for

all my term papers and themes.

Well, don't you think we should talk this over?

Well, I'm paying for it out of my own allowance, and I didn't want to bother

you.

Well, it's not a bother, honey. That's what I'm here for, you know, to help you

make decisions.

Don't you think I should buy a typewriter?

Oh, it's okay. You already made the deal. But next time you've got a

make, let me on it, okay?

Okay. Bye.

Bye -bye. Bye.

Come on, you kids.

Okay.

Let's see.

Let's go.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

I'm oversight.

Jodie? Thank you, Mr. French.

Mrs. Beauty forgot to remind us.

Bye, Mr. French.

See you this afternoon.

Bye. Have a good day.

Just a minute, please.

Yes? Mr. Davis, there's a call from Mr. Halsey in Brazil on one.

Okay, put him on.

Hi, Ward.

How's it going down there?

Well, we're getting set up, but it's been kind of touch and go.

You got trouble?

Well, the locals don't like the idea of a dam being built down here.

I know. They don't trust outsiders.

We may have some manpower problem.

Well, I gave you a scheduled call for a minimum crew.

Bill, I got a level with you.

This job may be too big for me.

You want to call it quits?

No, not yet.

But it's a little rougher than I imagined.

Look, I got a friend over in Brasilia that can help out if you really get

for manpower.

Oh, good. Good. I'll let you know. Check me the first of the week.

Call sooner if you need to. Take care of yourself.

Excuse me, Mr. Davis. This is rather urgent.

We need your signature on the form letters.

Well, I guess I can cope with the emergency.

Ready.

Hi.

Where's Mrs. Beasley?

She isn't coming. She doesn't like picnics.

Oh, I see. Not the outdoor type.

Well, I promised her a tea party tomorrow.

Here.

Eileen, do you think that you can help me button this button?

Of course.

It'd have to be an octopus to reach that.

There.

Well, there's a hardy -looking group of pioneers.

All ready?

Yep. Sure.

I got my compass.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, I might need it to find my way off the parkway.

What color tablecloth do we have, Miss Moran?

Green. Why?

Oh, because the last time we went on a picnic, Mr. French had to use a red and

white tablecloth to flag down a bull.

Well, let's hope for a colorblind bull this time.

Why don't you start down with the kids? I'll be right along. Just a minute.

We're on the way, French, so why don't you relax and take it easy today.

Well, thank you, sir, but...

I feel I've already had much too much free time as it is.

What do you mean?

Well, the situation in this household has changed, sir.

How's it changed?

Well, sir, many of the services I was able to perform are

no longer required.

You mean I've taken over?

Of course, I quite understand.

Look, French, the last thing in the world I want to do is replace you.

All I'm trying to do is give the kids a kind of life that an ordinary family

has.

I wonder, sir, if there's a place for me in an ordinary family.

Look, they're waiting for me. We'll talk about this later, okay? Now, don't

worry. We'll work something out.

Very good, sir.

gonna go for a walk.

I want to pick some flowers to take back to Mrs. Beasley.

Oh, good. Mrs. Beasley will like that.

Oh, does Poison Ivy have three leaves or five?

Um, five.

I thought it was three.

Wait a minute. I think you're right. Uh, don't pick anything with three or five

leaves.

He does so.

He does not.

I should know. He's my Uncle Bill.

Hey,

hey, hey. What's all this?

He doesn't believe He used to go to Africa and Mexico and build dams and

and fight crocodiles and lions and things like that.

Oh, well, I used to do that.

What's he doing here?

Well, he doesn't do them anymore, but he used to.

What's he do now?

Well, now I go to an office.

You know...

You're a very special guy to those kids.

Yeah, well, sometimes I don't think I'm just quite right for them.

I know, and that's when you start trying to make yourself over.

You noticed that.

Who hasn't?

You're working 24 hours a day trying to be something you think is the ideal

father when there's no such animal.

I mean, what's ideal for Johnny Smith isn't ideal for Jody Davis.

Look, you see, all I want is what's right for them.

I know, my dear.

Then stop trying to be what you think they want.

And start being yourself.

Michelle. Yeah.

Yeah, the one that Jody was talking about. Remember him? The here today,

tomorrow, unpredictable one.

Bring him back.

You know, we all liked him. Just fine.

Thank you.

Oh,

I thought you'd gather these for Mrs. Beasley.

I want you to have them.

Well, that's very kind of you, Buffy.

See my woolly worms?

Oh, yes, quite colorful.

Can I put them in the oven?

Oven? Yeah, if they keep warm, they're supposed to turn into butterflies.

No oven, no. We'll work out something suitable, but no oven.

Well, sir, it seems that the picnic was highly successful.

It must have been. I'm good and tired.

Oh, by the way, sir, there's a cablegram for you in the den.

Now, children, baths and bed in that order.

Please, Mr. French, won't you read some Winnie the Pooh to us first?

No, that is now Mr.

Davis's department.

No, no, no, French, I'm too tired to even read my own name. Will you handle

for me, will you?

Very good, sir.

A brisk five pages, that's all.

Not no more.

Move over, Jody.

Now, let's see.

Lines written by a bear, a very little brain.

On Monday, when the sun is hot, I wonder to myself a lot.

Now, is it true or is it not that what is which and which is what?

Say that again, Mr.

French.

Please, nobody makes it sound the way you do.

On Monday, when the sun is hot, I wonder to myself a lot.

Now, is it true or is it not that what is which and which is what?

There's Bill Davis.

Listen, can you get me on a plane for Rio Monday?

Right.

Thank you. Okay.

Uncle Bill. Yeah.

There's something that I wanted to talk over with you.

Okay, sure.

Well, now that I have my typewriter, Susie and I want to set up this... Well,

it's sort of a high school secretarial service.

But I told her I'd talk it over with you, and then I'll tell her Monday

Well, honey, you know what you can do and you know what you want to do, so go

ahead and make up your mind.

Uncle Bill, you said that... Oh, I know, and I said, yeah, well, never mind

about that. That wasn't me. That was somebody else.

I trust your judgment, okay?

Okay.

Thank you.

On Wednesday, when the sky is blue and I have nothing else to do, I sometimes

wonder if it's true that who is what and what is who. Excuse me for interrupting

this literary session, but I have to leave for Brazil on Monday.

Are you glad?

Well, I'm sort of glad, honey, because I'll get to do what I know how to do,

I think that's best for everybody.

I'm going to miss you, though.

We'll miss you, too.

We'll be all right till you get back.

As long as Mr. French is here.

French, that problem we were discussing this morning... Oh, forgotten, sir.

Okay. Well, read on.

Yes, sir.

On Thursday, when it starts to freeze and hoarfrost twinkles on the trees, how

very readily one sees that these are whose... Whose are these?