Original subtitles

Hi, hi.

You're home early. That's real nice.

Well, I gave myself a half -day vacation.

Good. Look what I bought.

Genuine Venus flytrap bulb.

Exotic insect -eating orchid of the Amazon.

Gee, where'd you get that?

He got it from a kid at school.

It cost a whole dollar.

Twenty -six cents of it is mine.

Where are you going to plant this ferocious thing?

Mr. Frakes is going to help me put it in a pot.

Yes, sir. Our knowledge of carnivorous blossoms is somewhat limited, but we'll

do our best.

I think flowers should just look pretty and smell nice and not eat things.

Hi. Hi, sis.

Hi.

I'll be back in our room.

Just a minute. For me?

Hello?

Hello?

Leonard, is that you?

I'm going to hang up.

One, two, three.

What's that all about?

Leonard Plimsoll.

He tells everybody he likes me. And when he calls me, all he does is breathe

real hard into the phone.

How does he do that?

Problems? Oh, well, just one.

Nobody likes me.

Oh, sissy.

No, I mean boys.

Uncle Bill, now you were a boy.

What made you like one girl and not like a different girl?

Well, let's see.

Sometimes because she was pretty or she was a lot of fun or maybe because she

liked me. I don't know. Who knows?

Well, my best friends, Trish and Laura, all the boys like them.

Why?

Oh, I guess because... Well, Trish has three older brothers. Yeah. So she knows

all about the football and the basketball and NFs and RBUs and... One

boys, yeah.

Yeah. What about Laura?

Well, she's pretty.

She's sort of helpless and she pretends to be dumb and... Oh, yeah, clinging

bind type. Yeah, I know them.

Well, what do you do?

I freeze.

Uncle Bill, the boys hardly know I'm alive.

Except for Wendell Owens.

He doesn't count, huh?

Well, nobody knows he's alive either.

Gosh, Uncle Bill, how can I be like Trish and Laura?

Well, I don't know.

Imitation isn't the answer anyway.

Well, I can't go on being me.

That just hasn't been working.

Okay. For openers, why don't you... Let's see, next Saturday, why don't you

invite a bunch of kids over here?

Don't tell them it's a party or have dates or anything. Just get about six

and girls. You can do some of that nutty dancing and play those horrible

records. We'll get French to cook up some real special foods, eh?

You'll be at your best here, see? You'll be all relaxed and feeling confident.

Those guys get a look at the real Sissy Davis and they'll be lying up outside

the door.

I was just testing the volume.

Oh, well, it seems adequate.

You look charming, Miss Sissy.

Oh, thank you, Mr. French.

I'm trying so hard to be relaxed and confident that I'm practically a nervous

wreck. You'll be fine when your guests arrive.

Have lots of fun, Sissy, and send me some of the ice cream.

Okay. Now, you're to go directly to Master Rogers' apartment and you to Miss

Randy's. And I'll pick you up at precisely five o 'clock.

Okay, Mr. French.

Jody, is it wise to take that plant with you when you're going to play?

It isn't growing at all, Mr. French.

Roger says I can put it under his mother's sun lamp.

All right, then, but now off you go, John. Go on.

Wendell Owens? Mr. Owens.

Hi, Wendell. Hi.

Wow, what a neat place.

Oh, sorry.

Guess I'm the first one.

Yes, you're the first.

I worry a lot about being late.

I worry so much about being late, I'm always too early.

Oh, you're not too early.

Read any good books lately?

Jane Eyre, English Lit.

Here, this is a good one.

This is a good one, too.

Practically a walking library.

Oh, I read on the way to school, between classes.

And at parties?

Only if I get bored.

Oh, I didn't mean I thought I'd get bored here, sissy.

Some punch?

Yeah, groovy.

Excuse me, I'll have another cup of punch.

Wendell, you don't have to keep drinking it.

Oh, I like it. And I hate to see it go to waste.

Thank you.

Probably Rick and Phil and those guys had basketball practice.

Or maybe they caught the same virus as Trish and Gail.

Glad you and I are healthy.

Would you like to dance?

Not unless you especially want to.

No, I just thought... Well, I guess I'd better go.

If you really have to.

I had a very nice time.

You don't have to say that, Wendell.

Oh, I mean it. I enjoyed just being here with you.

Crowds make me nervous.

See you in school.

I'm sure there'll be apologies all around on Monday, Miss Sissy.

I don't want them to apologize, Mr. French.

I don't blame the boys for not coming.

Why should they?

Is that Leonard Plimsoll?

I told him this time I wouldn't hang up till he did.

How long has this been going on?

Quite a while.

Hello, Leonard.

You better hang up now and do your heavy breathing somewhere else.

Thank you, Uncle Bill.

Oh, good evening, sir.

Did you have a pleasant day?

Grand. How's Sissy's get -together?

Oh, a disaster, I'm afraid, sir. Only one guest showed up. Oh.

Who's that, Wendell?

Yes, sir. I must say, although he managed to drink almost half a gallon of

punch, he did not compensate for the lack of the other guests, sir.

Oh. Is he in a room?

No, sir. On the terrace.

Okay.

Hi.

Hope you like hero sandwiches and fruit punch.

I heard Wendell drank up all the punch.

You want to talk about it, huh?

There's nothing to say.

Trish and Laura stayed away just so they wouldn't cramp my style.

But the boys found out, so nobody came.

Except Wendell, huh?

Poor Wendell.

It's hopeless, Uncle Bill.

Oh, it is not hopeless. Now, you're a good -looking girl, and you're

intelligent, and you're...

and you're mature, and that ought to be obvious to anybody with two eyes and his

head.

You're prejudiced. Certainly.

I'm glad.

Okay, now what we got to do is get these adolescent boobs to open up their eyes

and take a real good look at you.

Boys look at some girls, Uncle Bill.

They don't look at others.

As you said, nobody knows why.

No, I said I don't know why, and if I don't know something, that's when I go

experts. Now that's what we're going to do.

Experts on teenage girls? No, teenage boys.

Walk.

Turn.

No, no, no, sissy. You're thinking about the book.

If I don't think about it, it'll fall off. Well, if you do think about it, it

will. Now again.

Walk.

Turn.

Walk.

Turn.

Slowly. There are no such words as hurry, rush, or speed.

Walk.

Turn.

Better.

Turn.

Oh, but don't smile.

And don't frown.

What should I do?

Well, 99 % of the time, your face should reveal nothing.

It should remain calm.

Placid, enigmatic.

Men will be intrigued.

They'll imagine you're thinking much deeper thoughts than you really are.

Also, when you do smile, well, it'll be an event.

Gosh, there's so many things to remember.

I thought it was better to stick with one style that suited me.

Suited you? Well, now, what suits you now may not suit you tomorrow or this

evening or in five minutes.

Your hair must change as you change.

Si.

All right, let's run through this.

Sissy?

Mr. French, you're the teenage boy.

Yes, madam, I shall cooperate reluctantly. Good. You come up to Sissy.

Oh, yes.

Oh, hi, Sissy.

What's new?

Madam, what was to cross array?

What did you say?

That's what all the teenagers are saying in Paris.

Not bad, only throw it away more. You're hitting it too hard.

Metamorphosis to cross array.

Metamorphosis to cross array.

Better. Only don't look directly at the boy.

And don't smile as if you knew you were going to say something amusing.

More deadpan.

Okay, go on, Mr. French.

How'd you like that groovy TV show last night?

Mind reader.

What do you mean?

I was just going to ask you the same thing.

See, Sissy, you can use it to cover any subject you know nothing about.

Now, sooner or later, everyone runs into a lull in the conversation.

So instead of becoming uncomfortable or embarrassed, Sissy, you say...

Uh, I'm so glad they're coming back.

Who are coming back?

Strong, silent men like you.

Oh, I see. Now I'm beginning to perceive the strategy.

The unsuspecting lad is trapped by flattery.

Exactly.

Let's take it from the top.

And, Sissy, make me believe these lines are coming right off the top of your

head.

Now,

Sissy, I'm going to read you a few words.

And you say the first thing that pops into your head.

I'll say water.

And you'll say what?

Ready?

Pretty.

Laura.

Insecure.

Me.

Mysterious.

Boys.

Hmm.

We're going to have to make some radical adjustments in the perspective.

Who's Laura?

She's a friend of mine.

Is she pretty?

Mm -hmm. She's beautiful.

Avoid her.

Avoid Laura?

She's my friend.

A girl who wants to be noticed by boys must either keep to herself or associate

only with girls less attractive.

But if someone's your friend, you just don't... Oh, first things first.

Now, when I said the word insecure, you replied, me.

Well, ideally, you should have said boys.

Boys? Insecure?

All of them. And knowing that gives any girl a tremendous advantage.

Last night, I like that.

Oh, no.

No? Which woman?

Well, for a loving uncle, but we're not dressing her to please uncles.

There's no excitement.

No flair.

Okay.

You like that?

For myself, but for Sissy, no.

It's too dynamic.

We'll take it.

Now, for some sports clothes.

Look, Uncle Bill.

Lovely.

I'm almost as good as Sissy.

Hey,

when are we going to see the new Sissy?

She made me get out. of the room. She couldn't decide what mood her hair was

Uncle Bill, Mr. French, look what's happening.

My Venus flytrap is growing.

Well, that's what a Venus flytrap looks like.

Can you see its teeth yet?

Oh, I don't believe it'll have any teeth, Buffy.

I'm glad.

Miss Sissy.

You look like a princess.

Is that really you, Sissy?

I'm not sure, Buffy.

Well, I don't think the boys at school are going to ignore you now.

You really gave us the game, Eddie, by thinking all those free throws.

I suppose you worked out all those chemistry formulas.

Oh, I wish I was just half as smart as you.

Who's she?

It's just Sissy.

Just? You don't mean Sissy Davis.

Mm -hmm.

Hi, Sissy.

Hello. Lovely morning.

What happened to her?

Whatever it is, I hope it's catching.

You are so kind.

Good morning, Wendell.

Morning.

Sissy?

I'm glad they're coming back.

Who's coming back?

Strong, silent men, like you.

What'd you think of the movie last night, Sissy?

Mind reader.

What do you mean?

That's just what I was going to ask you.

Will you go to the mall shop with me, Sissy?

Where would you like to go, Sissy?

Oh, excuse me.

Wendell.

Wendell, is it possible that you're annoyed with me?

Gosh, no.

How can I be annoyed?

I don't even know you anymore.

Come on, Sissy.

We'll go wherever you want to.

Yes, to be sure, to be sure.

I'll make certain Miss Sissy gets your message.

Yes.

All for Sissy?

Yes, sir.

Your crash program has proved most effective, sir. It seems she's taken the

younger set by storm.

Yeah. I liked her better the way she was.

As did I, sir.

Well, as long as she's happy.

Good afternoon.

Well, there she is now.

The girl watches Favorite Watch.

You're too kind.

Everything okay?

Oh, I'm fine.

It's just... I'm getting sort of tired.

Balancing this imaginary book on my head.

Remembering the smart answers.

All for you, Mrs. Finn.

Only these?

Well, I think it just represents most of the graduating class from Lexi High,

the boys.

Uncle Bill, Uncle Bill, I just showed my Venus flytrap to the gardener, and he

said it isn't an orchid at all.

It's an onion.

I suspect it is much, sir. A Venus flytrap is hardly apt to sprout.

But, Uncle Bill, I paid a whole dollar.

and it said on the box that it was a genuine insect -eating orchid.

Yeah, well, I guess somebody made a mistake.

Maybe we can get your daughter back.

But I wanted a Venus flytrap.

I wanted to feed it hamburger and stuff.

Davis residence.

Oh, it's for you, buddy.

enough to say something?

No. This time he had the hiccups.

Well, good morning. Good morning. Morning,

Uncle Bill.

Gonna take your onion back where you bought it today?

Uh -uh.

I'm gonna keep it.

I decided I'd rather have something I want to eat.

instead of something that wants to eat me.

Very good thinking.

Buffy and Jody, are you ready?

Uh -huh.

It's you again.

Well. Good old sister.

Right. Now hurry up and get your books.

Well, hello.

Hello. Hey.

Thanks a lot for what you did. And all your friends.

Well, it worked.

The boys noticed me.

And I guess they liked me.

Only, it wasn't really me.

I mean, the outside's a genuine, exotic orchid.

But inside was an onion.

Well, with an onion, you take it or you leave it.

You know, Onion, we just wanted the boys to notice you.

Oh, well, sure.

And we fooled all of them.

Except Wendell.

Bye, Uncle Bill. Bye, Mr. French. Bye, Jody.

Bye -bye, Jody. Bye -bye, honey.

Uncle Bill?

What's on your mind?

Could I wear lipstick and have a new hairdo and get some new dresses and have

some lady tell me what to say to boys just like Sissy did?

No.

Good. I was afraid I would have to do all those things, too.

I might be in enough trouble just with Leonard Plimsoll.

Bye.