Original subtitles

Oh, good evening, sir. Hi, French.

How are the kids?

Oh, they're doing fine, sir.

Uncle Bill!

Hi, Uncle Bill!

Hi. Hi.

You're invited to our party tonight.

What kind of party?

School.

Party in school?

The teacher's giving it, and all the parents are invited.

It's a sort of open house, sir, so that the parents may examine the results of

the semester.

They're going to put my drawing on the wall so everybody can look at it.

Kind of like an art exhibit, huh?

Mm -hmm.

And the teacher's going to show my arithmetic paper, the one I got the A

on, not the C.

You'll come, won't you, Uncle Bill?

Wouldn't miss it for the world.

You'll come, too, won't you, Mr. French?

Oh, I should be honored, Jody.

That's good.

Oh, sir.

This evening may present a dilemma.

Like what?

Oh, so the opening of the Van Gogh exhibit.

Oh, we can look at Van Gogh stuff some other time. How about you?

To be sure, sir. I place much greater value on an original Buffy than a Van

Gogh.

Bam! Bam!

It's real good, doesn't she, Uncle Bill?

Mm -hmm.

I don't think Rembrandt could do that well when he's her age.

Buffy, may I ask what those figures represent?

Oh, those are people.

They missed the first moon plane, and they're waiting for the next one to

arrive. Well, of course. You know flying to the moon is going to be as easy as

flying to Chicago.

I think so, too.

Come on, Uncle Bill. Let's go look at my arithmetic paper.

Hi, Timmy.

Uncle Bill, me, my best friend in the whole class.

Her name is Jill.

And her brother, Timmy, is my best friend in the whole class.

And he has a real live frog that lives in his pocket.

Sometimes.

I'm Bill Davis. I'm their uncle.

How do you do?

I'm Jill and Timmy's mother, Margaret Williams.

This is Mr. French. How do you do, madam? How do you do?

We were just admiring the artwork.

I think it's better than some of the stuff you see at the exhibits.

Well, at least you know what these children had in mind.

Uncle Bill, my arithmetic.

Okay, in a minute.

I was just about to abandon Jill and Tim. You can get a cup of coffee. Would

care to join me?

Thank you.

Now, listen, Jody, I'll make a deal with you now. I'll go and get some coffee

with Mrs. Williams, and later on, we'll have some ice cream, okay?

You've got a deal.

Mr. Davis, I'll study Jody's arithmetic with him. In fact, I'd be glad to

shepherd the entire flock.

Marvelous. It's right this way.

What do they want coffee for when they could be looking at our pictures?

And our arithmetic.

Sometimes it's hard to understand drama.

I've got another one at home.

Becky, she's 16.

We've got a 16 -year -old, too.

Sissy.

Six between us.

That's pretty frightening.

Population explosion.

Sissy goes to Lexi High.

So does Vicki.

You know, our lives seem to be running in parallel lines.

Your husband an engineer, too?

No, I'm a widow.

No, I'm a bachelor. I inherited my brother's kids last year.

You mind if I call you for parental advice if the situation gets desperate?

Anytime. How about tomorrow at dinner and talk about it?

I'd like that.

Fine.

Well, I think I'd better go and compliment Jill on her drawing.

Young artists are very sensitive, you know.

Yeah, yeah. I have to admire Jody's arithmetic, too.

I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Davis.

Name's Bill. I'll call you. Uh -huh.

Okay. Bye.

Farewell, sir. And have a pleasant evening.

Good night.

Oh, no, children.

Off to bed.

Can't we just stay up until Uncle Bill gets home?

No, Mr. Davis is working late and then dining with Mrs. Williams.

Sheila's mother?

Jimmy's mother?

Yes, the one and the same. Now, off to bed and quickly.

Good night, Mr. French. Good night, Mr.

French. Good night, Buffy and Jodi.

Buffy?

Maybe Uncle Bill likes Timmy's mother.

Sure he does.

That's why he's eating with her.

Do you think she likes him?

Uh -huh. That's why she's eating with him.

Buffy?

Wouldn't it be something if Uncle Bill married Jules and Timmy's mother?

There sure would be a lot of kids.

Yeah.

It'd be fun all living here falling over each other.

Yeah.

Jody, how do people get married?

I don't know.

Let's ask Sissy.

Sissy, excuse me, but how do people get married?

Well, first they, uh, fall in love.

Jody, do you think Uncle Bill and Jill's mother fell in love?

I don't know how you can tell.

Well, if they did, Jill could sleep with me and I could play with her all day.

Yeah, and I can play boys games with Timmy.

They even got a big sister for you to play with, Sissy. Her name is Vicki.

I know. I met Vicki at school today.

She said her mother knew Uncle Bill.

Is she nice?

Very.

Then maybe Uncle Bill should marry Mrs. Williams.

Right. Then we'd all have friends.

Get to bed.

Good night, Sissy. Good night.

like they do on TV.

Wait a minute. What is all this?

Oh, they've decided that you should marry Mrs. Williams.

I just met her.

They also want Timmy and Jill to be their brother and sister.

Oh.

And Sissy likes Vicky.

Maybe you'll get in love with her soon, huh, Uncle Bill?

Well, I'll think about it, okay?

Think real hard.

Major Pointer, will you get out of here before you're late for school?

Okay, Uncle Bill, but could you sleep overnight Saturday?

Okay, if it's all right with her mother, I'll ask.

Can I ask Timmy?

Yeah, I suppose so. In fact, that's a good idea.

You know, Mrs. Williams likes sailing, and she wants to go along Sunday. We're

going to be going all day. You want to ask Vicki, too?

Oh, good idea.

it, Mr. Finch. Wait till you hear what I have to tell you. What? Albert Turner

called Mary Phillips and told her that he likes Edna Allen.

Oh, really?

Edna Allen is going steady with Felix Morton. You're kidding.

Here, Timmy, I'll take it. Come on. Mr. French, can me and Jill have some

cookies? Oh, yes, yes, of course, Buffy.

Come on, Jill.

Oh, and we've got a double date arranged for tonight.

Marvelous. I think I'll like any boy you think I'll like.

Do you know Alan Peabody?

Not exactly.

Well, he's in my math class.

He called me for a date, and I told him I couldn't go because I had a friend

spending the night.

So he said he'd bring somebody neat for you.

And then we can borrow back and forth.

Oh, great.

It's like we each had a whole new wardrobe. Sure is.

Oh, is that your dress?

Mm -hmm.

And this is my old friend, Mrs. Beasley. I hope she'll be my friend, too.

Oh, she will.

Mrs. Beasley likes you. She told me. Can she talk?

Oh, only to me, because she's shy.

Listen up.

It's Major League, small size.

I forgot to bring mine.

That's okay. You can use this.

I can catch it barehanded, even if it stings a little.

Hey, it fits.

Yeah. I think it's good for me to have a brother.

When Uncle Bill and Mr. French are busy, I'm surrounded by girls.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we lived together? Then we could do this all the

time. Then we could each have two wardrobes.

Oh, here, try my lipstick.

Yes?

Oh, the young men are here, Miss Sissy.

Oh, I'm not ready.

Well, I'll tell them you'll only be a minute, okay? Okay.

Sissy will be right out.

I'm Vicki.

Alan. And this is Norman.

Hi. Hi.

Let's wait in here for Sissy.

I go to Lexi.

No kidding.

Well, how come I haven't seen you around?

I go there, too.

Well, who've you got in English?

Old Foster.

Oh, the last of the dinosaurs.

I had him last term.

Boy, could I tell you about him.

good. Does he like girls to wear makeup?

Well, what he likes is good for him. He's weird.

Hi, Alan.

Oh, hi, sissy.

Uh, he's Norman.

Hi. Ready?

Old Foster doesn't care what you write. It's only how it's written.

Oh, I'm terrible at grammar.

Oh, it's easy.

Would you like me to give you the basics?

Oh, would you?

park to play ball as soon as mr french's room well let's practice in the living

room it's big we're not allowed mr french won't know

he's busy making something in the kitchen

Who is responsible?

Jody.

Jody? Did you know you're not allowed to throw a ball in the living room?

Yes, sir.

I shall have to acquaint Mr. Davis of this.

And I should think that at the very least it'll mean a week without TV.

Now go to your room.

Yes, sir.

I need to say I did it.

Well, you did.

You threw the ball hard.

Yeah, but you were supposed to catch it. You threw it way over my head.

You don't throw good.

I'm a good thrower. A lot better than you, I betcha. And I'll bet Willie Mason

didn't sign that ball at all. Your uncle just wrote his name.

He did not.

started it he did boy well behave yourselves

judy it's up to you to entertain timmy it's a good thing mr french didn't see

you you wouldn't have had dessert for a week

Beasley talk to you?

She said she likes me better than you.

After I dress her, I'll feed her and take her for a walk.

You can come along, Buffy.

Very well, Mr. Davis. I'll have them gather their things at once. Goodbye,

Mr. Finch, was that Uncle Bill?

Yes, calling for Mrs. Williams' flat. The three additional children are

returning to their nest.

Oh, Miss Vicki, I have to take you home in a taxi.

Oh, I've had so much fun. I hate to leave.

Well, I'll tell Jill and Timmy.

Goodbye, Sissy.

Thank you for a wonderful time.

Let's do it again soon.

Come and play with Mrs. Beasley again?

I'll ask her.

Hi, Jody. See you at school tomorrow.

Yeah.

All right, come along, children.

I'll be back within the hour.

from getting married.

Uncle Bill?

Uh -huh?

If Timmy's my brother, I'll never get to watch TV or have any dessert.

And I'll never get to play with Mrs. Beasley again.

And I wouldn't have a boyfriend left.

If Uncle Bill loves Mrs. Williams and doesn't marry her just on account of us,

he'd be sad for the rest of his life.

Yeah, I guess we don't want him to be sad.

Not exactly.

Maybe when he comes home, he'll tell us that he got in a big fight, too, and he

doesn't like her.

My three had a wonderful time.

They came back bubbling.

Can't wait to get together again.

Maybe next time they could come over to my house.

You think that little maid of yours could handle all six of them?

Of course.

Lucille may not be as awesome as your Mr. French, but she's pretty tough.

French has got a trick, you know.

He just kind of raises one eyebrow, rears back, and it stops him cold.

I imagine Lucille and French working together could really do a job on them.

And yet... What?

Oh, I don't mean now.

Maybe never, but... Well... Well, I've...

Always tried to be a pal to my children, but it's not the same as having a

father.

Well, your children need to... Margaret, I'm not a pal to my kids.

Because they're kids, and I'm an adult.

And I'm older than they are, and I'm smarter, and I'm more responsible.

And I take care of them, so...

I decide what's best for him, too.

Bill, I think you misunderstood me.

Well, I guess maybe it did sound as if I were trying to propose to you on behalf

of my group, but I wasn't really.

I was just thinking out loud.

I know, I know.

I couldn't think of anything better, but if it ever did happen,

it'd be because we fell in love, not because it was convenient for six kids,

right?

Right.

I've always wanted to drink champagne with an honest man.

Did you sleep?

Yes, sir, except Miss Sissy.

She's catching up on her homework.

She was very busy over the weekend entertaining her houseguest.

Yeah.

French, I don't suppose you ever considered this marriage thing

if you ever do, forget it.

Three kids is enough.

That was my impression, sir.

I don't know how I'm going to break it to them, though. They were looking

forward to this merger.

They were looking forward to it, sir, with a great deal of glee and good

spinnets.

Hey, I thought you were asleep.

We woke up because we wanted to know if Jill and Timmy are moving in.

Not that I know of.

You mean their mother is coming to live with us without them?

No, nobody's coming here but us. I'm sorry, but that's how it is.

back from sailing... Sissy said that we had to like the kids because you like

their mothers.

We wanted you to be happy, even if we were going to be sad.

I think we ought to say what we mean around here.

Oh, sir, when I think what might have happened, that... that mass of tiny

creatures...