Original subtitles

Can you tell us a bedtime story, Mr. French?

Would you accept a chapter from Winnie the Pooh?

No. Tell us a different story.

Please, Mr. French, it could be good practice in case you ever become an

Hmm. Let me see now.

How about Indians attacking a wagon train?

Oh, no, that would hardly be appropriate for bedtime.

But I do seem to recall a Master Jack and the Beanstalk.

I always thought Jack was a dumb kid, trading a cow for a handful of beans.

Well, it is still an accepted classic.

Now, let us begin.

Once, quite long, long ago, there lived a lad named Master Jack.

And his mother.

To be sure.

Now, Master Jack came from a...

from a rather disadvantaged family.

And one day, they were totally without food of any sort.

Hi. Good evening, sir.

Mr. French is telling us a bedtime story.

Standing up.

Jack and the Beanstalk, sir.

The abridged version.

I'll leave you to continue, sir.

Okay.

We were aware Master Jack came from a rather disadvantaged family.

And one day... They were totally without any fruit of any sort.

Hello, Uncle Bill. Hi. How was the party?

Oh, pretty good.

Gee, I was the only non -celebrity there.

Who was there?

Oh, there were a couple of senators and a guy that won the Nobel Prize and a

movie star.

A movie star?

Carol Haven.

Carol Haven?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, Uncle Bill, you actually met her? Yep.

And then there was an explorer that went to the North Pole.

What was she wearing?

She had on a dress, you know, some kind of dress.

She's pretty.

Pretty? She's the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

Yeah, well, we talked for a few minutes, and then a whole bunch of people came

along, and I had kind of shuffled aside.

Oh, uh, telephone, sir.

Be right back, kids.

Where's Carol Haven?

Who's Carol Haven?

You might as well ask who's Thomas Edison.

Well, who is Thomas Edison?

Jody, Thomas Edison is one of the most important men that ever lived.

Then how come we don't get his birthday off?

Uncle Bill, now will you tell us about Jack and his mother sending Jack off

the cow and he drinks back a handful of beans and she gets mad and throws him

out the window?

Right. Oh, you know who that was on the phone?

Who? Carol Haven.

Carol Haven?

Yeah, she wanted me to come to dinner.

Uncle Bill, how can you be so casual?

Do you know that she could go out with anybody?

Presidents or kings, anybody?

Yeah, I guess she could. It's absolutely a miracle.

What did you say to her?

Must have been something fabulous.

Well, I stuttered mostly, and I spilled some coffee on my pants.

Now, kids, let's get to Jack and his problems, huh? Uncle Bill, how can you

there and tell children a bedtime story when you're going out with Carol Hayden?

I am kind of all choked up, but I promised him, see?

Now, Jack's mother told Jack to take the cow into the village and sell it so

that he could buy some food.

And so he went into the village and he was walking along with the cow.

And when I got back to my hotel, I started thinking about you.

And how disappointed I was that we were interrupted just as we were getting

acquainted.

Yeah, I think I was right in the middle of a sentence about automation or

something. And suddenly your admirers were swarming all over the place.

Well, it was that kind of a party.

You know something, Bill?

I haven't telephoned a man I just met since I was in junior high school.

It was the nicest surprise I've had since my kids gave me a birthday party.

Excuse me, Miss Hayden. A gentleman asked for permission to bring over some

champagne.

He recognized you. Aren't you supposed to wear a wig and dark glasses when

you're out in public?

Why should I?

I've worked very hard to be recognized.

He'd break all the rules of a typical movie glamour queen. Sissy's going to be

very disappointed.

And you're a 16 -year -old?

Yeah. She keeps saying... Excuse me, Miss Haven.

May I have your autograph?

Of course.

How shall I sign it? To Madeline.

Here you are. Thank you.

Sorry, Bill.

Could I have a picture, Miss Haven, for my newspaper?

Do you mind, Bill? No, of course not.

This is Mr. Davis, Mr. William Davis. How do you do?

Thank you, Miss Haven.

I'm sorry again, Bill.

Oh, that's okay.

I don't think I'm ever going to complete a sentence here, though.

I do know a real nice place that has gourmet food and absolute privacy.

Where and when?

My house, tomorrow night.

We've been friends for about 20 minutes, so it's high time you met my family.

Why don't you dress? She's going to be here soon.

It's my hair. I hate my hair.

Oh. No matter what I do, it looks terrible.

Looks nice to me.

Uncle Bill, Carol Haven is coming. I cannot let her see me in some juvenile

hairdo.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

Wouldn't 8 o 'clock dinner be satisfactory?

Sure. Boy, you look pretty fancy.

Well, sir, Miss Haven is coming.

Hello. Is Mr. Davis here?

Uncle Bill, a lady's here to see you. Miss Haven, won't you come in?

Hello, Bill. Hi, Carol.

Well, now, that's Buffy, and that's Jody, and, oh, Mr. French, and this is

Sissy. How do you do, Sissy?

Hello, Miss Haven.

Sissy didn't want you to see her like this, but she's been having a little

trouble with her hair.

Uncle Bill?

Oh, it's good to meet someone else with hair problems.

Not you.

Your hair's beautiful.

You should have seen it an hour ago, like I'd been caught in a windstorm.

Sissy, I'd be glad to make a few suggestions.

You would?

Of course.

Come on. Will you excuse us, Bill? Sure.

She's pretty.

Do you think she'll want to play with my turtle?

Well, I think so. Let's wait until we know her better.

Here she is. The product of Hollywood glamour. How do you like it? Well,

uh, fine.

What'd you do to it?

Nothing. It's my old hairdo.

Miss Haven says it's just right for me.

Dinner is set.

Well...

Dragon. Scared.

Scary. Scared.

Cat.

Dirty cat.

Right. Wonderful.

21 seconds.

Miss Haven made it easy for us.

I've got one.

One word, two syllables, whole word.

We know.

Bedtime.

Right. Can Miss Haven put us to bed?

Oh, may I, Bill?

Sure, if you want to.

Come on. I'll show you how.

Okay, come on, Miss Haven.

Jam is on. Teeth brushed.

Prayer set.

What's next?

Uncle Bill always tells us a bedtime story.

Not too scary.

All right.

Once upon a time... Oh, may I listen?

Of course.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy and a little girl who were twins.

Like us?

Like you.

And the little girl's name was... Buffy.

And the little boy's name was... Jody. And they lived in a beautiful big

apartment house.

You forgot Mrs. Beasley.

Oh, yes. And the little girl had a very good friend by the name of Mrs. Beasley.

I'm glad you didn't say she was just a doll.

One day, while they were out playing, they found a little bottle.

Jody rubbed the bottle, and what do you think?

Out came a puff of smoke that turned into a great big giant with a beard.

That's Mr.

French. He really is a real giant.

And the giant said, I'm here to serve you, young masters.

Right. Sometimes he calls Jody, Master Jody.

And this giant did all their homework and carried all their books.

But he was invisible.

And nobody would believe the children really had their very own giant.

And the children kept their giant and lived happily ever after.

The end?

Sure. Whenever you hear someone say they lived happily ever after, it's the end.

Good night, darling.

Good night.

Mrs. Beasley says good night, too.

Oh, good night, Mrs. Beasley.

You're the only grown -up she ever kissed, except for Uncle Bill and Mr.

Good night, darling.

Good night, Mrs. Haven. Good night, Sissy. Good night, Mrs. Haven.

that she gets paid thousands and thousands of dollars just for telling a

like that?

Just for telling one story?

Boy, I'm glad she didn't charge us.

Good night.

Good night, Sissy.

Sissy? What?

Did our mama look like Miss Haven?

No. But Mama was just as nice.

Good night.

Good night, Buff.

Late. Yes, sir.

Good afternoon, lady.

Mr. French, how very nice.

Do sit down, Mr. French. Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Poor dear Mr. French.

All that vulgar publicity.

And the way those newspaper people pry.

What does she look like without her makeup?

That is not natural, is it? Do you think Mr. Davis will actually marry her?

The relationship of gentleman's gentleman to master is as confidential

of lawyer to client.

Good day, ladies.

Well, Mr. French.

Yes, madam. Mr. William Davises Butler.

Gentleman's gentleman.

Well, I'm from the New York Herald, and I'd like to talk with you and the

children, if I may.

About exactly what?

Carol Haven.

We can give you some publicity, too, Mr. French.

Quite impossible, madam.

A gentleman's name may appear in the newspaper three times.

When he is born, when he marries, and when he dies.

I have already done the first, and I contemplate neither the second nor the

third.

Wait, I made the end back.

Hi. We're making a card.

To thank Miss Haven for taking us to the zoo this morning.

What kind of animal is that?

A dog.

They have dogs in the zoo?

No, but it was the only kind of animal we could draw.

That's a real good looking dog. She'll like it very much.

Are you going to marry Miss Haven?

Are you, Uncle Bill?

Now, what brought that up?

Well, we wish you would.

Then we'd live in Hollywood.

Well, I'll tell you, Miss Haven and I happen to be good friends, but the

of marriage has not come up at all.

We wish you would.

Buffy.

All women do know these things.

All right, let's get something straight.

If I ever do get married, the lady is not going to live in Hollywood and she

not going to work in a movie. She's going to be a wife to me and a mother to

you. You got that?

Yeah. Mm -hmm.

Nobody's birthday?

That's today.

We're the first ones who ever celebrated.

It was Miss Haven's idea.

I got the greatest dress.

It was just like Christmas.

Only it didn't have to be good all through December.

Where should I take the behind the scenes?

Oh, no, no. We're going back to the bedroom and open them. That's half the

Lead the way, Jody.

tasting clothes, Miss Haven.

Thank you, Sissy.

It's nice having a lady pick out our stuff.

Sometimes Mr.

French doesn't like what we like.

I think I enjoyed the shopping even more than you did.

Boy, if I don't play good with this glove, I don't deserve to be on the

Jody, I know a couple of the Los Angeles Dodgers. Maybe I can get you a tryout

in a few years.

I hope they need a pitcher.

Hey, what's this? Everybody's birthday?

Hello, Bill.

Mr. David took us to all the stores.

And everywhere we went, people were nice to us because she was with us.

Oh, Bill, I had the time of my life with them.

And we rolled on all the alligators.

Not alligators.

Escalators.

It's escalators. I like alligator better.

Well, I have to run.

Oh, I just got home. We'll let change and we'll go out and have some dinner.

Oh, I'm sorry, Bill. I have to meet my agent at the hotel.

It's a big deal in the wind.

The studio wants me to play St. Joan in Spain.

Why Spain?

Well, the countryside is perfect and then I think they can hire the Spanish

cavalry to play the French army.

How long would you be away?

A year at least.

A year?

You mean we wouldn't see you for a year?

Can we go to Spain too, Uncle Bill?

Or wherever she goes?

Hey, wait. I haven't accepted it yet.

Well, you can't turn down a part like that, can you?

I can think of four very good reasons.

Bye -bye, darlings. See you soon.

I'll be ready by eight, Bill. Fine.

Is Miss Haven going to Spain or not?

She doesn't know yet.

It depends on whether she decides to play the picture in Spain or play She's

Mother here.

Boy, Buffy, you're smart.

Women know these things, Jody.

Carol, they'll think I'm crazy.

Myron, Hollywood's been wonderful, and I've loved every minute of it.

But now, now I've found something more important.

To me, anyway.

Every other actress in Hollywood would give her right teeth to play St. Joan.

Now, look, you can okay the script. You can pick your own director. You can

choose any leading man you want.

Oh, thanks, Myron, for everything.

I'm so grateful for all you've done.

Carol, you're not a housewife.

Oh, you're something special. You're a famous movie star.

Carol, did you hear me?

Hello, Bill.

Hi. Oh, Mr. Fox, Mr. Davis.

Oh, hello.

I'm sorry.

Why?

Well, we're not feeling very friendly toward a stranger that's going to cost

a million dollars.

Myron's my agent.

I just turned down St. Joan.

Oh. I decided I didn't want to go to Spain or anywhere else. All the big

I've got cooking for this girl in Hollywood, and she tells me to turn off

stove. Well, that's a pretty big decision, isn't it?

Bill, ever since I was a kid, I've been looking for something. And I never

really knew what it was.

Now I do.

Well, go argue with a woman.

Goodbye. Nice meeting you.

Good luck, Carol. Thank you.

Kind of tough on him, weren't you?

Maybe. But for once, I knew exactly what I wanted.

Oh, Bill.

This is the chance of my lifetime.

Instant family.

All I have to add is love.

Yeah.

Have you thought about what it might be like to go into a restaurant and not

have somebody send over champagne?

I'll survive.

How about when the Lou...

Petty annoyances start popping up and there's no manager or agent or studio or

assistance to take care of those things for you.

That doesn't seem very important to me.

Does it seem important to you?

No.

Bill, I... I am practically throwing myself at you and...

I just remembered you haven't asked me.

I've taken an awful lot for granted.

The whole Davis family fell in love with you, that's for sure.

But it's not the same as just the two of us falling in love, is it?

No, that's what we've got to be very sure about.

I wish I could call a Hollywood writer.

He could tell me what to say so I... I could make the scene come out right.

Well, maybe that's because... Because what you had in mind was a scene and not

just two ordinary people talking.

Now, listen.

We'll be here.

And you go to Spain, and you finish your picture.

And when it's all over...

Well...

Oh, you're being very sensible, and I

know you're right.

Hey, kids.

Hi. Hi.

Hey.

She even looks good in armor.

Uncle Bill, why doesn't she write?

Well, at least she's in Spain. I suppose picture keeps her busy.

You should have married her.

Then she'd have to write to us.

Oh, excuse me, sir. This package just arrived for all of you by air express,

sir. From Spain, sir.

Oh, I took the liberty of unwrapping it for you. I hope you don't mind, sir.

It's from Carol.

Look, she says, the storekeeper said this was designed for the prettiest girl

Spain. If you were here, that would be you.

I thought Mrs. Beasley might like a Spanish friend.

Nice gesture, sir.

What did you get, Uncle Bill?

Oh, here it is.

Well, looks like, um... Publicity thing.

Says, uh...

On the set of St.

Joan, Carol Haven announced that she assigned for six pictures to be produced

within the next three years.

The first will be Mama Wore Spangles.

Oh, I'm indeed sorry, sir.

Why should anybody be sorry?

This way she'll get to play act Mama again.

She'll have fun.

Sure, play acting is fun.

As long as everybody knows you play acting.