Original subtitles

I'm ready, Mr.

French.

Oh, dear me.

I remember the little girls when they went to dancing school in England.

Dressed like dolls.

Starched organdy, long curls, patent leather pumps.

But I get all soaked up.

Buffy, we will use the word perspire.

Yes, sir. The reason why I'm wearing this outfit for dancing is when I

I get all soaked up.

Come.

Well, Buffy, I'll return for you within an hour. Yes, sir.

Buffy, didn't Madame Leonton reach you in time?

No, ma 'am.

Your instructor was taken ill suddenly. There'll be no class today.

Can Mr. French take you home?

No, ma 'am. He's gone.

But he's supposed to pick me up in an hour.

Well, then, I guess you'll have to wait.

Is it all right if I wait outside?

Of course.

Thank you, Mrs. Brown. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Buffy.

She missed, didn't she?

Miss what?

She missed. She didn't follow the leader. I said, fat, fat, and I stopped.

She didn't stop.

You want to play?

Okay. Get on the end of the line.

Fat, fat, the water rat.

What are you, a stoop? I didn't stop yet.

What's the matter with you?

Maybe...

the appearance of a gentleman, I trust you will act like one.

Sissy, you are to see to it that Jody does not cavort.

I'll watch you, Mr. French.

I won't cavort, Mr. French.

Let's go.

Goodbye, Mr.

French. And don't worry.

When I say I won't cavort, then I won't cavort.

We'll be back in about an hour.

Bye -bye.

Sissy?

What does cavort mean?

That's it.

Hey, Ma!

You know something? I thought you was a stoop, but you ain't a stoop.

for the church rummage sale.

Draw us down some bread and butter.

Where do you live? I've never seen you.

Over there.

Over where?

Near the park.

Where the fancy kids live?

Mike don't like to play with fancy kids.

Right. Fancy kids ain't a lot to get dirty.

I'm not a fancy kid.

I know, because you already got dirty.

Want to play tomorrow?

Yes, please.

Okay. At first I thought you was a stoop, but you ain't a stoop.

Thanks.

We gotta go in now.

Beat it, kids!

Hey, I lost my lucky bottle cap.

Aw, you're always losing your lucky bottle cap.

Spit, spat, spo, where did the lucky bottle cap go?

Yes, though. So long. See you tomorrow.

Hi,

Mr. French.

Boy, did I have... Buffy.

Hmm?

Look at you.

Just look at you.

A total disaster.

Buffy, sir, she became involved with some street urchins.

She didn't get hurt.

Oh, no, sir, no, sir.

Well, what's the problem?

Well, sir, I try very hard to impress upon Buffy that little girls should

like little ladies.

I failed, sir.

She got dirty, huh?

Yes, sir, not by accident, by design.

Oh, she's in your bathtub, sir, and I'm bound for the incinerator.

All right.

Hi. You got dirty.

Yeah. That's why Mr. French won't let me play with Mike and Katie and Moish and

Leroy.

Who's Mike and Katie and Moish and Leroy?

Well, they're my new friends.

Oh. Well, if he won't let you go over there and play with them, why don't you

invite them up here?

Oh, no.

What do you mean, fancy kids?

Fancy kids ain't allowed to get dirty.

Oh, my God.

Uncle Bill, we used to sit down banisters and play follow the leader.

Fun, huh?

Yeah. Well, Mr. French wants you to be a little lady, you know. He's kind of set

in his ways. It's not so easy for him to change.

Maybe we better not hurt his feelings, huh?

No, Uncle Bill.

It isn't that important anyway.

So what do you say we just skip Katie and Moishe and Leroy and them?

Okay.

We can find some new friends.

Unless... Unless what?

Unless Mr. French doesn't know about it.

Oh. What do you got in mind?

Well, if it's okay with you if I play with those kids, and Mr. French doesn't

know about it, it can't hurt his feelings.

Yeah, that's true, I guess.

How are you going to get over there?

Well, you could take me, Uncle Bill.

Yeah, I could.

Uncle Bill!

When?

Tomorrow.

Oh, that would be great.

Oh, I guess we can't.

Why not?

Well, Mr. French put all my dirty clothes in the sink.

I got left this clean, fancy stuff.

Well, I'll tell you what. We'll go and buy you some nice, dirty secondhand

clothes, and I'll wear some of my old stuff from the job. How about that?

There's a rummage sale on Mike's block.

Okay, we'll rummage tomorrow.

You know something, Uncle Bill? You ain't a stoop either.

See you later.

Okay.

and sacks.

Okay.

Well, your sweater's not so nice.

Too new.

Now

all

I have to do is find some messy sleep.

Filthy. Yeah, I like...

Let's donate these to the sale. Thank you. You're welcome.

Oh, thank you very much.

Pound, pound, puckery -coo. Where shall this or that one go?

Will he go east? Will he go west?

Will he go under the cuckoo's nest?

Next.

Pound, pound, puckery -coo. Nice kids you got there.

Must be pretty tough raising a kid with no old lady around the house.

Well, it's not easy.

Look, do you mind if I get personal?

No, I don't know.

You won't get insulted.

I don't know.

Well, if I'm out of line, you just say, Callahan, you're out of line, and I'll

clam up. And I promise you, I won't get insulted if you tell me I'm out of line.

Okay, what is it?

You're out of a job, right?

Well, let's say I'm between jobs.

You see?

You're insulting.

Now look, I'm not working either.

Oh, I tried to get a job in that big Long Island construction job, but they

I was too old.

48's too old.

Hey, Ma!

Cut us up and throw us down some bread and butter!

We're all out of butter.

Red Sugar!

Okay.

Well, like I said, you're out of a job, and you've got an old lady around the

house, but you've got a nice kid.

You shouldn't dress her like a scarecrow.

Now, my little Katie's got plenty of dresses.

Just suppose... You don't have to do that, Killian.

Uncle Bill, you want a hug?

Uncle what?

Red Sugar!

Isn't it wonderful?

Hey, wait for me, Mike.

Nice kid.

Davis, I don't have the money to pay next month's rent.

My neighbors are throwing me a rent party.

I ain't insulting.

But if you think I'm out of line... You're not out of line, guy.

a penny, we're all going to the candy store.

Okay.

Here, my treat.

Thank you, Mr. Callahan.

Those pants she's wearing.

I swear my old lady donated them to the rummage sale.

Now you're out of line.

I apologize.

Accept it.

But those patches on the knees.

I swear that those came from my red winter underwear.

Well, it just goes to show you, you never can tell.

Yep, just goes to show you.

and I'll stash your clothes, okay?

Okay. Thanks, Uncle Bill. It was the bestest time I had my whole life.

Uncle Bill, when can we go again?

Maybe Monday.

Oh, bye.

Good afternoon, sir.

Oh, hi, French.

And did we have a pleasant afternoon, sir?

Yeah, yeah, we had. We had a fine time.

Oh, good. And Miss Buffy?

She's, uh, she's taking a bath.

Oh, splendid, splendid. She's taken our concern for cleanliness to heart, sir.

You mind if I tell you something?

Sure.

Now, you know I don't want to insult you. I know.

Well, now, you've got such a nice kid and all.

There's some of Katie's dresses.

Now, they're worn, but they're clean.

She's got plenty of them.

Jim, we couldn't... Let Buffy wear them in the best of health.

I don't know what to say to you, Tim.

Oh, what's to say?

Now, do you want a tip?

You want to raise that kid right?

Get yourself an old lady.

Not a bad idea.

By the way, are you coming to the rent party tomorrow night?

I wouldn't miss it for any.

You don't have to chip in anything. There'll be plenty of loot.

But we'll have lots of fun, and there'll be beer and bologna sandwiches and

liverwurst and...

You know, that's the way everybody is around here. We all sort of help each

other out.

Hey, how about you?

Do you need a red party?

No, no, thanks.

We're paid up.

Oh, well, if he ever gets strapped.

Well, if it's that urgent, I think I can locate him, sir.

Yes, sir, yes, I shall tell him to call back.

Right away, sir.

Goodbye.

Oh, madam, this is Mr. French.

I understood Mr.

Davis escorted Buffy to her dancing lesson this afternoon.

Huh? No lesson today?

But that... Oh, yes, I see. See, well, thank you, yes.

Buffy!

Mr. French!

I'm surprised.

Oh,

Mr. Davis, there's an important telephone call for you, sir. You are to

Brazil at once with regard to your Valencia Dam project.

Thanks, French.

Tim. Oh, begging your pardon, sir.

but first you're to call the Undersecretary of State in Washington.

Excuse me, sir.

Who is that?

That, Mike, is what you call a fancy butler.

I've seen him in the movies.

I'm sorry, Jim. Oh, that's okay, sir.

Did you have fun?

Slamming is such a grand sport.

Sort of like polo.

This must have given you a million laughs.

Now, Sam, I can explain. Oh, sure you can, Mr.

Davis.

After you make the telephone call to Washington and the telephone call to

Brazil.

Uncle Bill, Mr. Callahan seemed unhappy.

Yeah, so did Mr. French.

We're batting 1 ,000 today.

Hello, Frank.

Bill Davis.

Did you check on that Callahan application?

Yeah.

Well, why isn't he working?

Well, make room for him.

All right.

Look, I know you think we let you down.

No, sir. It was I who failed you and the children, sir.

I wonder if I can be of any further service at this point.

Well, French, I just thought it was going to be a little harmless fun for

I didn't think we'd... Well, that's a trouble, because I didn't think.

No, sir. It was I who failed to communicate the importance of behaving

gentlewoman.

Oh, you didn't fail, French. Buffy got the message. It's just that...

We think that being a gentle woman is a matter of what goes on

inside, not how you dress.

I'll dress any way you like, Mr. French, if you'll just stay with us.

So will I.

Mr. French won't leave.

How could somebody in the family just pack up and leave?

I suppose it just can't be done, sir.

I'll stay if you like, sir.

Oh, we like.

Right.

We've got no more deception now.

We're going to start off by admitting that we're going to go back to see the

Callahans.

Only this time we're going to wear our best clothes when we go to the party.

Come on.

Slumming again, Mr. Davis?

I'll come off it, Tim.

You know we're not serving fancy food.

Look, I know I was wrong the way I handled the whole thing. That's why I'm

I just came over to tell you I'm sorry.

I don't accept.

Tim.

The name is Mr.

Callaghan. Okay, Mr. Callahan, I admit I made a mistake. Now, what do you want,

blood? What do you want, a medal?

You know something?

You're a snob.

What, me?

I'm a poor schnook.

You're still a snob.

Now, wait a minute.

Mr. Callahan, it was all my fault. I told Uncle Bill how much I wanted to

with Mike and Kate.

And I told him they wouldn't play with me if they knew I was a fancy kid.

No kidding?

No kidding.

No kidding.

Oh, I... I suppose I... Am.

Nice kid.

Nice kid.

Buffy, how would you like a nice bologna sandwich?

No, thank you.

But I would like... Well, what?

Bread and sugar.

Bread and sugar it is.

I suppose it was you that was responsible for them calling me about

work out on Long Island.

Want to make something out of it?

No.

Want to take the job?

Sure. You know, I may be a snob, but I'm no stupid.

Thanks. Hey, you coming over to Goldberg's next week?

Goldberg?

Yeah, we're throwing them a rent party.

They'll have blintzes.

We'll be there.

Bread and sugar.

Bread and sugar, Mr. French?

Oh, thank you, sir.

Okay. Quiet, quiet.

I shall add this recipe to my collection of esoteric yarn.