Original subtitles

(wind whooshing)

(wings fluttering) (bats chittering)

It's your eyes

(clears throat) Hey, check this out.

(Brett coughing) (gentle suspenseful music)

With Al's rent, I finally got enough to buy this.

"Large bong for sale.

Originally purchased in the 1960s in New Orleans.

Recently deceased owner claims it was possessed.�

That's wicked. Whoa, dude.

A haunted bong?

It's guaranteed to give amazing highs, bro.

"Seller not responsible for possible bad side effects.�

We gotta have it.

We gotta have it.

Oh, don't be a sucker, it's a scam.

Just like that grilled cheese sandwich

with Jesus's face on it.

What are you talking about, bro? That was online.

Okay, everything on that internet is a scam.

You can't trust anything

because that's how the feds spy on us

through our computer. I-I must say,

this ad does sound somewhat suspect.

This is "High Times," fellas.

Okay, everything in here is on the up and up.

Totally.

Whatever. It's your dough, man.

Dude, have them express mail it to the house ASAP.

'Cause if there's one thing this pad is lacking,

it's a killer fucking bong, man.

(Bachman and Brett laughing)

(gentle bright music)

(gentle enchanting music)

(quirky groovy music)

(quirky upbeat music)

Whoa, no, no, no, no

No, no, no, oh

In the morning, in the night

When I don't feel so right

All through the misty haze

The green will brighten up my days

Cloud of smoke to clear my mind

Just a puff to help unwind

Everywhere I go, I take it

Oh, it's like I can't escape it

Only thing I need

Only thing I need

Mean green, wicked weed

Heavy from the devil's seed

Fiending for it every day

You know I want that Mary Jane

Mean green, wicked weed

You've got a hold of me

Fiending for it every day

You know I want that Mary Jane

Light the fire, spark the tree

Yeah Make it a part of me

Oh

Think of all the life it brings

Just growing from those little seeds

Oh I need my smoke today

Work too hard, get home late

I just need a break

Oh, one more toke that I can take

Only thing I need

Only thing I need

What's that Mean green, wicked weed

Heavy from the devil's seed

Fiending for it every day

You know I want that Mary Jane

Mean green, wicked weed

You've got a hold of me

Fiending for it every day

You know I want that Mary Jane

(quirky upbeat music)

(quirky upbeat music continues)

(quirky upbeat music continues)

(quirky upbeat music continues)

(knuckles rapping)

(quirky suspenseful music)

Are you Larnell?

What do you want, bro?

Package for you.

That box is huge, what's in it?

What's in it? I don't look in the boxes.

That's against regulations.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, bro, easy.

I'm a professional.

I make over $200 a week.

You look in the box, you get fired.

L- Larnell, perhaps it's the item.

(scoffs) Item?

You've been waiting for.

(Al chuckles) Item I've been waiting for.

Yeah, that's it.

It's the item you've been waiting for.

(bright music)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the item I've been waiting for.

There's postage due for it.

Hey, it's, uh, it's been a bad month, bro.

Can you let this slide a little under the rug type?

I'm a professional.

(suspenseful music)

Al, Al, you, uh, spot me a little coin-

Fine. I'll take it off

next week's-Fine!

Okay, just, last time, bro, last time.

Just, uh...

Thanks, bro.

(quirky suspenseful music)

(Rabbit inhales sharply)

(Larnell sighs)

It's, uh.

Oh, baby, baby, baby, come to Daddy.

Hey, Al.

(blows) Istair.

Aw, man, you frontin' Lar again?

Thought you supposed to be smart.

Perhaps you're right, but I'm only trying to help out.

Larnell's financial acumen leaves something to be desired.

Yeah. He ain't too good with money neither.

You know, believe it or not, he comes from money.

Really? (scoffs) Grandpa's loaded.

Some kind of big wig lawyer, till he got creamed by a bus.

That's horrible.

Huh? Oh no, the old man's still alive.

You know, cripple in a wheelchair.

Anyway, you know, he's, he had Larnell on allowance

till he dropped out of law school, cut him off.

That's unfortunate.

(bright suspenseful music)

Unfortunate? It's brutal.

Oh man, the parties we used to have on that dough. Oh!

(quirky suspenseful music)

How about some red meat?

Feed that scrawny body instead of that brain of yours.

(quirky suspenseful music)

(can hisses)

B, that's what I'm talking about, bro.

Geez, it's huge.

Look at the beauty, bro, look at the beauty.

Looks like a piece of crap.

Told you it was a scam.

Once again, I'm gonna have to align myself

with Brett's opinion.

Dude, it's junk. Send it back.

No, no, no, no, don't you see?

It's shaped like a beautiful woman, bro.

You got the tits and the vag.

You're fucking nuts.

You two are a cloud of fuck dust.

This is the best investment ever made in my life, bro.

I say let's fire this thing up.

(Bachman gasps)

Monkey.

Oh Check this out, B.

(quirky upbeat music)

This thing's hot.

Take a bong toke

Take a bong toke

And a toke and another toke

Smoke and choke.

Flame on. (giggles) Take a bong toke

Take a toke and another toke

Take a bong toke

Take a Take a bong toke

I love rippin' outta bongs, it gets me so, so high

When I take a big toke, looks like my eyes start to cry

Tears start to swell up when I take a huge hit

Of that bong biggie bong diggity dank dank shit

Johnny Richter don't quit after one two or three

And takes so many bong hits you might run out of weed

Thought you was fucking with a rookie

But I'm really a king

I was just out playing hooky, having fun with the team

Well, now I'm back Take a bong toke

And a toke and another toke

(air whooshing) (dramatic music)

(planet whooshing)

Welcome to my world, worm.

(eerie suspenseful music)

Oh, snap. Hi there.

(Bachman gasps)

You could use some lotion. That's okay, that's okay.

(eerie suspenseful music)

You chicks are a little aggressive.

That's all right.

I'm into it.

Oh, so is this like, a three-way situation?

Oh, I'm into it. It's okay.

(eerie suspenseful music)

(gasps) Oh, that's, that's kinda painful.

(Bachman groaning)

(eerie suspenseful music)

Monkey. (monkey shrieks)

(Bachman groans)

(eerie suspenseful music)

Is this the great beyond?

Have I crossed over? (chuckles)

Oh! A fair angel.

Oh, this must be my reward for all the good deeds I do.

Or maybe not.

Oh, maybe it's not heaven.

Maybe it's that other place.

Well, Lord, if it is that other place,

let my punishment begin. (laughs)

(upbeat music)

Dudes! You guys remember Luann?

Hey, what's up, losers?

This is her friend Janet.

Hi, guys.

That's Bachman over there, totally out of it.

(upbeat music) Did I tell you that

This here's Larnell.

When I was one

And that guy over there. Al!

Oh (upbeat music)

Oh

(chuckles) Hi.

Washing his skivvies in the kitchen.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Oh.

(Luann and Janet laugh)

Hey Janet. So you're a friend of Luann's, huh?

We go to a couple classes together.

So how come I've never seen you before?

Dude, just give it up, Larnell, she is so not into you.

What is she mute or something, she can't talk for herself?

I know it's a radical concept.

Whatever. (Janet chuckles)

Sorry, Larnell, I am not interested.

Oh! (Brett imitating plane crashing)

Crash and burn, dude.

(Luann and Janet laugh)

Not at all, B. On the contrary.

This is a breakthrough in communications

between the sexes, bro.

Straightforward, no BS, no games.

That's what I'm talking about, Janet.

We're all adults, right? Right?

Who wants a brewski?

(upbeat music)

Dude, get it. Mm-hmm.

What I'm talking about.

Hey, you don't mind, do you, Bachman?

I'm so high

Whatever.

I'm never coming down

Thank you. Never coming down

I'm so high

Never ever gonna touch the ground

Ground Hi there, Janet, Luann.

It's nice to meet you both.

Never coming down

Uh, you must be a cheerleader at the school.

Oh yeah? And what makes you say that?

Well, your outfit would be the largest indicator.

(chuckles) Dude, this old thing?

No, I just wear this 'cause it, um, turns him on.

Rah rah rah, sis boom bah.

If it's weak, smoke more

Smoke more What you think them zig-zag

(screen warbling) (Rabbit giggling)

(gasps) Oh god.

(Bachman chuckling) (suspenseful music)

(Rabbit giggling)

Dude, you just sounded like a chick. (laughs)

Oh, brother Bachman, I see you too have crossed over.

I don't know about that shit, bro,

but I've been bangin' these chicks since I got here.

They've milked me of so much monkey powder,

I don't know how I'm still standing. (moaning)

(eerie suspenseful music)

What do you mean by milked you?

Like, for safe-keeping, you know like when I'm sleeping.

See, the wang-looking tentacle

combines with the alien's spunky

to form like this super splooge.

That's why it's green.

(chuckles) That's not my normal color, by the way.

And then they keep it in these jars.

It's like they're tr yin' to populate the place

with a bunch of little baby Bachmans runnin' around.

Cool, huh? (chuckles)

(eerie suspenseful music)

Brother, that fills me with a horror

that you cannot even imagine.

If by horror, you mean fuckin' awesome, then I concur.

(suspenseful music)

I don't know about this, girls. (chuckles)

Oh, just go with it, bro, it's all part of their game.

It's cool, it's cool.

(eerie suspenseful music)

(book thuds) Geeky! (laughing) Oh!

(upbeat music)

Does my bong look different?

(bong whooshes)

It's so weird.

(gentle suspenseful music)

Bachman? (packet rustling)

(paper cups clattering)

Bachman!

(gentle suspenseful music)

Oh my god! He's expired.

What do you mean?

I- I mean, he's passed on, deceased.

Croaked? You shittin' me?

(suspenseful music)

Oh, what a buzzkill!

What are you telling me, B?

Larnell, Bachman is dead.

Fuck, bro! What are you tellin' me?

Bach, at like fuckin' 20-something

junked out and checked out?

Talk to me, man, gimme a monkey, bro,

gimme a fucking monkey, bro. Chill, chill,

chill, chill, chill! Come on, bro!

Weill figure this out, man.

Weill figure this. (groans)

What are you doing? (phone clatters)

Calling the authorities, of course!

Do you think we want the cops here, man?

Take a look around, come on, man,

we got weed coming out of our wazoo!

They will have to be notified, Brett.

(tense music)

Bachman, fuck man, fuck, fuck, fuck, he's dead, bro!

He's on the fucking couch.

We can't have the fucking cops over here!

Just thinking.

I'm thinking.

We'll figure this out. What is there 10 consider?

This was obviously some kind of accident and now he's dead.

(Al grunts)

After blowing my drug test the last thing

I'd be involved with is something like this,

accident or not.

We have to call the police.

So not cool, bro.

Dead fucking dude on the couch!

I got it. (Al panting)

Larnell, don't Bachman's parents live over in Midvale?

Yeah, bro, Midvale, cute little house, white picket fence.

We used to play catch when we were just little dudes

in the fucking backyard, bro.

(panting) Yeah. (inhales sharply)

Here's the plan.

(tense music)

We wait till it's dark. We drive him over there.

We drop him off at the curb, man.

No fuss, no muss.

You can't be serious! That's what mobsters do after a hit.

They, they drop the body off at a loved one's house

to serve as a warning.

Man, that's a good idea, oh yeah.

Drop him and blame it on the mob.

I knew that nine years was gonna come in handy, Al.

That's not what I meant.

Lar, gimme a hand, man.

This is the best thing for him.

Besides, he won't want us to get in any kinds of trouble.

Will you two just stop and think for just one moment?

(knuckles rapping)

What the hell? (panting)

(tense music)

Somebody's at the door.

Go see who it is.

Not you, you idiot.

It's the cops, bro.

(tense music)

It appears to be an elderly gentleman with a wheelchair.

Holy shit, bro, it's my grandpa.

What the hell's he doing here?

Just shut the fuck up. Maybe he'll go away.

Larnell! I can hear you in there, you fool!

(knuckles rapping)

What do we do? Hide him.

(suspenseful music) (knuckles rapping)

Have you two gone completely insane?

(knuckles rapping)

Open up this door instantly, you cock suckers.

Hold him off, Al!

Uh, Larnell is indisposed at the moment.

Well, get him disposed, goddamn it!

He'll be with you shortly.

He's heavy. (grunts)

(suspenseful music)

(knuckles rapping)

(suspenseful music)

(Cyril growls)

(suspenseful music)

Hey, Gramps. What a cool surprise.

Hey, Cy, it's great to see ya.

Ah, shut up, you pathetic louts!

Moronic pricks. Miscreants, all of ya.

So, uh, what brings you down here anyway, Grandpa?

Ah, I came to introduce you to your new grandmother.

You mean you finally remarried, huh?

I did, indeed, my boy. Indeed I did!

So what's she like?

I mean, with your dough, you could have got anyone.

Oh, she's a catch. (laughs)

And I'm not the only one who had my eye on her, either.

(all laughing)

The lodge was abuzz.

All the boys wanted a crack at her.

(all laughing)

So, so where is she at?

Yeah, she's parking the car. She'll be right up.

Is she hot?

Oh, she's a looker.

(chuckles) That's for certain.

Oh, that's so cool!

You know, I was hoping you'd hook up

with some big-titted bimbo that I could bang on the side.

(Larnell chuckles)

You disgusting pervert!

Oh-ho, I only hope that one day

convicts will feast upon your scrotum sack.

You know, bro, I was just kidding around,

you don't gotta come at me like that, Grandpa.

Is your mind perpetually in the gutter?

You useless vulgar douche bag.

This is your new grandmother we're talking about,

not some two-bit loose floozy for you

to defile with your nasty little penis!

No good, worthless enema bag.

So Cy, where, where'd you meet the little lady?

Well, I was inspecting my, uh, gyms

that I own down on the west side.

She was on the, uh, on the racket ball court.

(laughs) Oh, she caught my eye immediately.

(exclaims) The way she slammed that ball.

Her body alive and aggressive,

uh, vibrant and sensuous. (exclaims and laughs)

Boys, I want you to meet

Dame Rosemary Cornwallace.

(dramatic music)

It's like feva

My body takes flight when I see ya

Let me please ya

Wanna make you pay for more as I tease ya

It's like feva

My body takes flight Oh my God.

Let me please ya

Wanna make you pay for more as I tease ya

(upbeat music) (vocalist panting)

Want me to dance for you

I'll shake it off for you

(Cyril laughing) You can't keep away

Once you've seen (eerie suspenseful music)

(Bachman moaning and groaning)

(eerie suspenseful music continues)

More. More.

(gasping) I need more.

And your head will never

(gasping) I need more.

She'll disassemble

You (slow upbeat music)

Who are you?

Oh, I'm Jimbo, man. That's my bong.

I thought...

The ad said that the owner was deceased.

(laughs) No, that's my wife, man, she...

Wishful thinking on her part.

No, man.

Well, then perhaps you can explain what's going on here?

(soft tense music)

It's the bong, man. It's evil.

Well, if it's dangerous,

then why'd you put it up for sale?

I didn't put it up for sale, man.

My wife, she sold it, man.

I had it in storage.

She sold all my shit, man.

Sold my Hot Wheels collection.

Man, I miss those little cars.

How do we stop it?

Stop what?

(tense music)

The bong?

I don't think it can be stopped, man.

The guy that sold it to me said that it had

some voodoo curse on it, or something, you know?

(scoffs) I thought he was just trying to make a sale.

But it killed all my friends, man.

And it almost got me.

Well, it got all my brain cells, but that's okay

"cause I wasn't using them anyway.

(bright upbeat music)

(flames crackling)

Yes, but. Th-thank you.

The old And it's good for the young

'Cause it's good for Cheech

And it's good for Chong

Motherfucker

Let's go get

That was the delivery service.

They, uh, they had to match up the receipt number to-

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cut to the chase, Al, do you find the guy or not?

Yes, it turns out

he's on a delivery not too far from here.

I had to pretend we had a package for pickup

just to get them to send him over.

Devious, man. I'm proud of you.

You know, I have to admit,

duplicity gave me, uh, somewhat of a charge.

Oh, I hate that vegetarian shit.

Man, I'm starving, you guys

got anything to eat in this dump?

(Bachman groaning)

Dang, when'd you get here?

Don't you remember?

Dude, this stuff's getting worse.

Me too, man. I have never been so starvin'.

Yo, Fatboy! What's up, man?

You are huge.

Yeah, I know. We've talked about this already.

(Bachman laughs) (Brett groans)

Ah! Queer.

Ah, they can see your ass from space.

(knuckles rapping)

Oh, that must be the delivery guy.

(dramatic music) Let me see.

(suspenseful music)

Are you sure?

Who else would it be?

Hey, bro, you never know.

The feds might be sending guys after me

'cause of that book I'm gonna write.

They don't want me to expose their secrets.

Oh, for the love of Twinkies, open up the door!

I'll make sure.

(eerie suspenseful music)

You guys got a pickup?

Uh, well, actually you see I didn't-

Hang on, Al. Wha? (sighs)

Who sent you?

Who didn't send me.

Who didn't send you? What do you mean?

No, not what, who.

That's what I'm asking.

I know you're asking what, but you wanna know who sent me.

If who sent you? Dude, what are you talking about?

I'm not talking about what,

you're the one that keeps bringing it up.

When?

Yes. Yes, what?

No, yes, when, that's who sent me.

What?

No, when.

Would you two cockknockers shut the fuck up?

It's like a comedian routine, those old guys.

Yeah, Abbott and Costello.

Who? Who?

Nothing, uh, listen, Mr. Delivery Man, Mr.?

Uh, call me Rabbit.

Okay, very well then, Mr. Rabbit.

No, just Rabbit.

Okay, look, some time ago

you delivered a package to us.

Although we were living in a different apartment

near the university at that time.

If you say so. I.

Look, inside the package was something very, uh, unique.

Dude, in the box was a bong, an evil bong.

I remember that bong.

You do? Yeah.

I had to wait for the lady to pack it up

before I delivered it to you guys.

She told me stories about it.

What stories?

I might remember a little better

if you were to share some of that herbal essence.

Herbal, what?

He's talking about the ganja, bro.

Give me the light, bro. Oh.

Hit this.

Right.

(bright upbeat music) (Bachman chuckling)

(Rabbit inhaling deeply)

Okay?

She was divorcing her husband.

Yeah, that would be Jimbo.

Yeah, that was his name.

She said he bought that bong in South America

when he was in the Peace Corps in the '60s.

When he brought it back, it killed half his friends

before he locked it away in the attic.

Fuck. She told me stories, man,

they're seared into my brain.

And you delivered it to us without telling us

and warning us first?

I was just happy to get the son of a bitch off my truck.

All right, listen, mister, sorry, Rabbit.

I don't suppose you recall the lady mentioning

where Jimbo got the bong?

I mean, where in South America?

(suspenseful music)

I remember. (exhales sharply)

I remember.

(dramatic music)

(tribe members singing in foreign language)

(dramatic music continues)

(tribe members singing in foreign language)

(suspenseful music) (insects chirping)

(birds chittering and chirping)

(dramatic music)

(wind whooshing)

Oh! These bugs are bigger than rats!

(Brett groaning)

Hey, do yous dingleberries know where we are?

Maybe we took a wrong turn at the river.

Dude, we took a wrong turn in Pomona.

This was the dumbest idea.

No, it wasn't.

Look, in order to cure your afflictions,

we need to research the bong's origins,

we need to find where Jimbo bought the bong.

In order to do that, we need to find

where he was serving in the Peace Corps in the '60s.

It's around here somewhere. And you remembered right.

I remembered right.

Hey, what did we bring the delivery dude for again?

Hey, I got a $200-a-week job I have to get up

at 500 AM for.

What am I missing out on?

Plus a trip to the Amazon on somebody else's dime

sounded like a good idea.

Yeah, on my dime.

On my credit card, to be exact.

By the way, thanks for that, Al, I'm gonna get you back.

Thanks, buddy. Yeah, I'm sure you will.

(quirky suspenseful music)

Monkey!

You've seen plenty of monkeys

since we've been out here, B, so what?

No, dude, monkey like in bad shit.

(Larnell screams)

Dude, there's more of them!

(Larnell screams) Oh, no!

No! No, wait, wait, w-wai-w-(gasps).

It's a hut!

Let's bounce, guys.

With all these skulls, cannibals are living here.

They love to snack on stupid white dudes.

Look, the chances of any cannibals living in this region

IS remote at best.

At least, I hope it's remote.

They'll tie us up and roast us alive.

Then they'll cut off the top of our skulls

and scoop our brains out while we're still cookin'.

That's a delicacy they do.

Mm, great, I could go for some of that.

Dude, you're ill.

Look, I guarantee those skulls are a warning

to scare cannibals away, not an indication

that any cannibals actually live here.

If you're so sure, why don't you go knock?

Yeah.

Any of you guys coming with me?

Hell, no.

I don't wanna get eaten, bro.

Yeah, just look at it this way, Al.

Some of those cannibals might be getting smarter

by eating your brains.

You'd be doing them a favor. (laughs)

Circle of life, bro.

Circle of life.

Better you than me.

(dramatic music) (insects chirping)

Thanks a lot, guys.

(suspenseful music)

(Larnell screams) Ah! Cannibal chick!

Who are you guys and what do you want?

Uh, we, uh, (pants)

My name is Alistair, and we're from California.

We seem to be a bit lost, Miss?

Velicity.

Velicity. Could you maybe?

(dramatic music)

(Al gasps)

Sorry about that.

We have to be careful around here.

Who's we?

My father and I.

Well, my dad passed away a few months ago.

His partner and I are continuing his scientific research.

The skulls are meant to scare away the locals.

I'm sorry, we didn't mean to intrude,

but we could certainly use some guidance.

Oh, oh, and eat. If you have anything.

I suppose it's all right if you come in for a while.

My partner's out gathering samples,

he won't be back until later.

(Bachman groans)

Bach!

Bach!

Is he okay?

It's a long story.

(fire crackling) (upbeat music)

So that's pretty much the ballpark I had in mind, Cyril.

You must be stoned on some of that weed.

I wouldn't pay a floor manager in one of my factories

that kind of money and I certainly wouldn't pay it

to a shit-licking loser like you.

Don't let him screw you, my man!

Take it or leave it, asshole.

But keep in mind, if you don't take I,

when I get back to civilization,

I may drop a dime on your little illegal operation.

Oh, you're a pus-oozing cephalitic prick.

He's a rascal.

Hey now Rascal, I like that.

I suppose if I'm gonna dip my toe into this line of work,

I'm gonna have to get used to working

with sewer scum like you.

(laughing) You are a dapper man.

Ooh, you bitches best step off!

Who the hell are you calling a bitch?

She's not speaking to us, retard.

Oh! (chuckles)

Amazing! It must be the Poontang tribe.

I'll say.

Oh, you don't understand.

There's never been any proof that they ever existed.

No one's ever seen them before. Not since the Stone Age.

(quirky suspenseful music)

Looks like she wants the bong.

No, you keep her away from me, you hear?

Those bitches stole my man.

Don't let 'em take the weed, whatever you do.

Not so fast, you tribal twat.

(spear whizzes and thuds) (Cyril grunts)

(dramatic music)

Hey, now that. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

(chuckles) You, ladies, ladies, look.

No, you don't, okay. Okay.

You don't have to tell me twice.

Yup, back off, back off, you skanky jungle hoes.

(dramatic music) (insects chirping)

King bong

(King Bong whooshing)

Oh, baby, how you been?

You're as beautiful as ever.

And you're as ugly as ever, motherfucker.

I hoped I'd seen the last of you

after the way you treated me.

Oh baby, don't be that way.

Gimme a kiss and let's make up.

You must be trippin'!

I ain't gonna be smoochin' on you

after you've been hanging around with those skanks.

Skanks? You must mean skankalicious.

Look at them.

Oh, these are my ladies.

Don't you be talking bad about them.

Hmm! Not at all, lady.

I used to be your lady, motherfucker,

till you got the taste for jungle poon!

Now let's talk about this, baby.

Talk to the hand, Jarvis.

Ooh!

(laughs) This is some crazy shit.

Oh, okay. Well, you don't have to twist my arm.

Twist that arm down for him right there.

There, put that in your mouth.

Mm, look at you sucking on it like it's your cousin's tit.

That's right, put it in there! (lightning crashing)

Feels good, ah-huh.

Now how does that taste, my brother?

(Rabbit exhaling deeply) Yeah, blow it out. Blow it!

(Rabbit and King Bong laughing)

(lightning crashing)

Look at you rolling your eyes in the back of your head

like that, like somebody just fucked you up your ass.

I said it, fucked you up your ass.

Come on! Mm, that's good stuff, ain't it?

Up to your old tricks again, I see.

Well, if anybody here

would know anything about old tricks, it would be you.

(laughing) Baby, that's the way I roll.

Boom shacka lack a, bitch.

We have to rescue Rabbit!

Yeah, uh, uh, no, are you kidding?

Dude, that sounds like a terrible idea,

it could be dangerous. Yeah.

I say we get the hell outta here.

I'm gonna miss my shift at Sloppy Burger.

Dude, you got fired last week, remember?

Oh, shit!

We've gotta get Rabbit out of there!

How are we supposed to fight a whole jungle tribe?

A tribe of women.

Women with spears.

You, you think if it was the other way around,

Rabbit would come looking for one of us?

That's not the point.

Look, without Rabbit's help, none of us

would have gotten here in the first place.

You bitches coming to play right now.

(screen warbling and whooshing)

(quirky dramatic music)

(suspenseful music) (liquid burbling)

(smoke hissing)

Oh, now it's going to get fun!

Welcome to mi casa, mi brothers.

Go ahead, take your pick of one of these ladies.

Oh, yowzers.

Hooker central, dude.

That's right, and the first one

is on the house.

Take a look at them. Mm-hmm, you like it.

(dramatic music) Who you looking at?

Oh, Tokeka! Yes, that's the one.

You like her, don't you?

That's what I thought.

Go ahead and get yourself some Tokeka bitch. Go on!

(dramatic music)

Oh, walk up on it. Walk up on it!

Mm! Touch her.

Touch her! Not each other, bitches, touch her!

(Bachman and Brett moaning)

Come on, come on, touch it, make it feel good.

(Brett moaning) That's a boob.

Oh, yeah. Okay. (Brett moaning)

That's all you can say, bitch,

that's a boob? (Bachman giggles)

(Brett and Bachman moan)

Shit!

Oh, that's right, giggle like you're a Mormon in church.

Go on!

You're in temple now, my temple,

and things are gonna get very interesting.

(screen whooshing) Stupid ass. Look at ya!

(quirky ethereal music) (Rabbit giggling)

(bright music)

(bright upbeat music)

(Rabbit exclaiming and giggling)

(screen whooshing)

(screen warbling)

(Rabbit giggling) (birds chirping)

(quirky bright music)

(Rabbit exclaiming and giggling)

Hello. (moans) Hello!

(Rabbit giggling)

Oh! Hello!

We going to take it right there, ah!

We going to take it right there.

Take it right there, Tokeka!

Watch over him, girl. That's right.

Oh, that's right, touch that booby boob.

Let him know how it feels.

Bring it on down for her.

Oh, look at him just giggling

'cause he don't know what to do with it.

Most white folks don't know what to do with it. (laughs)

Look at them eyes rolling in the back of his head.

Girl, throw that on him. Throw it on him.

Throw it on him.

Oh, yeah!

Come on, Tokeka, stop this mess.

(quirky romantic music)

Surprise, little baby boys.

Look down.

(quirky romantic music)

Son of a.

What?

Dude, we're tied up.

Awesome! (laughing)

What?

(fist thuds) (Bachman grunts)

You dick, we blew it!

We're supposed to come up here

with a can of whoopass on King Bong and now look at us.

We were thinking with our wieners again, bro.

Never trust your wiener!

(dramatic music) Damn it.

(grunts) Hey, guys. (laughs)

Hey, delivery dude.

(laughing) Ow!

Hey, take it easy, babe,

I'm not really into the pain, kid.

Don't you get it, Uncle Fester?

They're gonna kill you, man!

That's what Al was trying to say, but I...

You're not gonna really kill me, are you?

I mean, no shit?

No shit, pink dick.

Come on, now.

Oh, but don't worry, it won't hurt.

Not much anyway, hmm.

(suspenseful music)

That's good.

(screen warbling)

Trippy stuff. (panting)

Al, wake up.

I will strike you whi... Wait a minute.

Dude, it's me Larnell.

(gentle bright music)

Oh, my goodness.

Oh! I must have been knocked unconscious.

And it seems they've taken Rabbit.

Where'd they take him?

Unknown, but we better find out before it's too late.

Come on.

(dramatic music)

What are they gonna do to me?

Man, I can't take it. I don't wanna take.

What if they cut my throat?

What if they, what if they cut my heart out?

Dude, you have got to calm down.

I can't take pain! I can't take pain!

No! What?

(suspenseful music) What? (pants)

What are they doing, huh? No!

What is this? No!

Come on now, ladies, roll it out.

Roll it out!

What are they? Oh my goodness.

(groans) That's butcher paper or something. What is it, huh?

Butcher paper.

Butcher might not be the right word to use right now though.

(King Bong laughing)

What the?

God, no, they're twisting him up.

Yeah, twist it.

No! Twist it good!

Roll it tight, you know I like,

I like a lot of spit on it.

Come on, dig that in.

(Rabbit yelling) Come on, y'all!

They turning him into a giant doobie!

Lord, Lord, Lord, please, I need your help here.

If you get me out of this,

I swear I'll stop smoking and drinking and whoring and.

(ethereal music) (upbeat music)

Well, maybe not the whoring part. (laughs)

Right now you need to ask

whether you are a doobie or a don't be. (laughing)

Look! The bong!

Man, that bong's got bling.

Remember. We have to destroy its symbol of power.

The medallion, bro.

Look at me, looking all good.

I'm about to smoke some shit up in this motherfucker.

Mm-hmm! Exactly.

(suspenseful music)

Help!

Okay, girls. (laser whizzing)

(Rabbit screaming)

Ah! What happened to the delivery dude?

He's right there, on the floor.

(dramatic music)

Come on now, girls,

show 'em what you're working with.

Help, I'm a fucking doobie.

He's tiny!

(Brett gasps) (suspenseful music)

Al! Shh!

Help me!

Help me, I'm a fucking doobie. (screaming)

(dramatic music) Okay, girls,

bring him over here.

Help me! Help me!

I'm gonna smoke

this little bitch alive. (exclaims)

(Rabbit yelling)

I like the way you roll, baby.

(Rabbit yelling) (dramatic music)

That's what I'm talking about right here.

(Rabbit screaming)

Why you screaming, punk ass? Huh?

Help me! Help!

Ain't nobody going to help you now.

Oh my god, he's gonna light me up.

I'm gonna light your ass up.

(Rabbit screaming) Ah, nothing!

I'm gonna take you and shove you in my mouth.

Half of what?

What you doing, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert? Huh?

Help me, I'm a fucking doobie.

Rabbit, are you all right?

I'm not Rabbit, I'm a doobie!

Help! (dramatic music)

Eh, shut up.

Now! (dramatic music)

(Bachman yells) (tribe member screams)

Wait, what the hell is going on over here?

Wait a minute. What is that?

Boy, you better gimme my necklace back.

Don't you touch that necklace.

You know how much money I spent on that shit?

You better not! Boy, I got, ow!

Boy, you got, boy, I'm gonna whoop your mucky ass,

you understand me?

Don't you hit me again! Please, don't hit me!

Please, I'm gonna have to kill you!

(dramatic music) (hammer crashing)

Oh, no!

Somebody please, he's gonna take all my power!

(explosion crashing) (screen warbling)

(insects chirping) (birds chirping)

(quirky bright music)

(Gingerdead Man gasping)

Oh, wow. That's the good shit.

Now I got the munchies.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yum. Yum, yum. (girls giggling)

Damn, you girls know what I want

before I even say it.

(girls giggling) Wowzers!

Getting kind of boring to be honest.

I mean, don't get me wrong, this is great and all.

Every fucked up thing I can think of happens instantly,

boobs, murder, boobs, weed, boobs.

(suspenseful music)

(Rabbit sighs)

(gentle quirky dramatic music)

(Rabbit sighs)

(bright upbeat music)

Hmm, well, you musty old stink hole,

you're mine, you're all mine. (chuckles)

It's gonna be a grand, grand opening.

I'll toke to that.

Hell, I'll toke to anything. (chuckles)

(upbeat music)

Him.

What's the meaning of the portal

(bright upbeat music)

What more could a guy ask for?

A little spontaneity, maybe.

(Eebee whooshing)

What the fuck did you just say day old Gingerdead?

Huh? Nothing.

Hey, where's that dumb shit Rabbit?

Hm, all the weed and titty you can handle

and you're asking for that egg-headed moron?

We're supposed to meet up for a game of Yahtzee

with the girls.

Aw, now wouldn't you rather play Twister

with these hot pieces of ass?

Every time we play Rabbit always pops a boner.

Hm, you like that shit, huh?

Hell, no! Made me jealous.

Been a long time since I was able to do that.

Whoa, TMI! You stay right there.

Don't you move a muscle.

I'll go look for that bald motherfucker.

(Eebee whooshes) (chimes ringing)

He's the only friend I got in here.

Freak better be playing hide and seek.

I need something to cheer me up.

(gasping) Oh yeah!

Rub some butter on it, girls. Glaze me.

Oh yeah!

(screen whooshes) (suspenseful music)

(siren wailing)

Due to unforeseen circumstances,

my previous business was kind of a bust.

What circumstances?

A crazy bitch tried to kill me. (scoffs)

Anyway, I want you to place these glorious

yet functional collectibles around the alley

in the seating areas,

and make sure everyone knows they can come up here

and they're for sale at the counter.

What's that for?

Sell drinks to the kids in 'em.

Tell the parents they're sippy cups.

Can do.

Most importantly is our price chart.

First we have the standard game of bowling.

That comes with shoes and a ball.

We call it the "Standard Game of Bowling."

And then there's option number two.

This is the up sell.

I call it "The Gutter Ball."

Okay, what's the gutter ball?

A-ha! The gutter ball!

It will be the backbone of our success.

Whenever a rube, a, a, a customer comes in here

to ask for a number one, I will do what?

Um, try and squeeze a number two out of him?

No! You up sell the bastard!

Exact-a-mundo. I'm gonna up sell him.

The gutter ball is the biggest bonanza

of the bowling experience.

You never actually said what it is.

A-ha!

(upbeat music)

I give you, "The Gutter Ball."

Boss, you're a genius.

(laughs) I know!

They'll get so high that their munchies

will just d- get our profits through the roof.

Okay, is this even legal?

Huh? Oh, poo-

'Cause this doesn't feel legal.

Just don't get caught.

So is that all, chief?

I wanna get a few balls in my lane before we open.

There's one last thing.

A selling point of epic proportions.

Pizza, pins, pot pushing.

I'm pretty sure we got it covered.

That's the problem.

Do you remember the dress code that you agreed to,

the conditions of your employment?

Do we have to?

Oh yes. (chuckles)

(upbeat music)

One, two, one, two

Oh mama, mama.

Yeah, yeah Oh, come to Rabbit.

Let Rabbit grab it.

It's a beautiful day

What?

We talked about this. Okay?

I really wanna be an actress,

and although taking your top off can get you ahead,

it also devalues me.

(scoffs) Like you had any already.

It's the only reason you were hired in the first place.

I was hired 'cause I can do the books and I'm not high.

You girls go roll some balls while I polish my pins.

Just you.

God, that's so gross!

My coochie's gonna get it

Meetin' up like women

Mike Tyson's mouth face south

(ball whooshing)

(pins crashing)

You know, my mom always said that bowling

Is the most wholesome sport a lady could play.

(scoffs) Why?

'Cause you can play with big round balls

without looking like a whore.

My mom is a whore.

Yeah, that's what my brother said.

I hate that guy.

(upbeat music)

(ball thuds and whooshes)

Hey! Oh!

(pins crashing)

Oh! (laughs)

(screams) You got one!

(upbeat music)

I've been a bad, bad girl

(ball thuds and whooshes)

I've been a bad, bad girl

(pins crashing)

Yeah!! (waitress screams)

Oh my god!

Bad, bad girl (upbeat music)

Oh

Hi. Are you the manager?

I am the owner of this establishment.

Well, are you hiring?

I'm so sorry. miss, I don't have any openings right now.

(upbeat music)

You are so frigging hired. (laughs and gasps)

And oh, here's, and here's your uniform.

But don't you dare wear it.

(upbeat music) (Rabbit gasping)

Portal

What's the meaning of the portal

Portal

Thanks for all the blows, girls.

You've been great, but a stallion needs to run free.

Mwah!

Whoa, where the hell do you think

your candy-coated ass is going?

I know that chrome-domed Rabbit just blew this taco stand.

Now it's my turn.

No, no you don't.

I told ya he's here.

He's just the reigning hide and seek champion.

Haven't found him yet.

Olly olly oxen fucking free!

You're the reigning champ of talking out your ass.

He's gone. Now I'm flying this coop with or without you.

No, now what they got out there that I don't have in here?

I wanna get laid for real.

Dip my bread stick in some marinara.

(girls giggling)

If he leaves his strength will be at full power.

Then I can ensnare him back into my bong world

and grow and take over the world!

I heard that, dumb-ass.

So what? Let's go get that motherfucker!

Now you're talking.

(light whooshing) (dramatic music)

You're sure this is the place?

That honky is definitely here.

I could smell his high karate.

(sniffs) Then what are we waiting for?

Let's go get the prick.

Whoa! Get a load of her.

Another day, another

Are you coming or what?

You go ahead and do some Rabbit recon.

I wanna warm up.

You gonna kill her?

Uh, yeah, sure.

You have fun, freak.

(light whooshing)

I always wondered if it's true.

If I pork a real woman, I'll turn into a real man again.

I intend to find out.

(waitress screams)

Can the screams, lady.

What are you?

For the first time in a long time,

I'm horny as hell.

You think I'm just some cheap floozy?

Hell, no. How much are you?

How can you have any money if you don't have any pockets?

Don't you worry, sugar boobs. I got dough.

Wow, you just got real hot, cookie boy.

(sultry music)

Yeah.

You like that?

Oh yeah, baby. My dough is starting to rise.

Show me what you got, sexy.

(sultry music) (bread stick whistling)

Oh, wow. (chuckles)

(bright upbeat music)

(dramatic music) (light whooshing)

(suspenseful music)

Boo! Oh! (gasps)

Surprised to see me, motherfucker?

A little bit. How did you find me?

I followed the slime trail.

Why do you always have to harsh my mellow?

I've got a good thing going here.

You stole my magic weed, motherfucker.

Lots of chums walking around here playing with their balls,

thank you very much.

They'll do nicely in my bong world.

I'll be stronger than ever because of you.

These people are happy

and because they're happy I'm happy.

And that's what people want. True happiness.

Not that fake shit you sell.

Oh, shove that happy shit up your ass.

Look at that couple over there. They're happy, see?

Where? I don't see nothin', huh?

What? (suspenseful music)

What? (yells) (Rabbit laughs)

Oh, baby, I don't know if this'll work,

but I sure am digging it.

Oh Gingy, I've never had it this good before.

Oh no!

Oh, not yet. (moans)

I'm gonna cream! Oh, here I go. (grunting)

Oh! (groans) Sorry! (waitress moans)

(thunder rumbling) (insects chirping)

(birds chirping) (birds cawing)

(gentle dramatic music)

Nothing Head, that's it, trademark and patent pending.

(chuckles) Now if you kids would just scoot along.

Dude.

I got some high pressure business to take care of.

(gentle upbeat music) (Rabbit laughing)

Ms. Bennet.

(pointer rattles)

Oh, right hand on green.

(Ms. Bennet exclaims)

Oh. (Ms. Bennet laughing)

Yeah. Oh. (laughs) Oh!

Occupied.

(laughing) Oh, Funnel Mister.

Yeah, really not a problem, pal.

Let's play again.

This is the best game ever.

This is all they ever do.

London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down.

It's so degrading.

I know. They never let me play.

Save some for me. Rabbit?

Yeah, yeah.

Really gotta rap with you about something.

Can't it wait? Yeah.

Kinda in the middle

of some high-pressure competition here.

(Ms. Bennet laughing)

Come on, Brosario Dawson, we gotta talk. Now.

Yeah. Look, the girls

and I were talking and we all decided that enough is enough.

We need to get outta here

and get back to our complicated,

screwed up, kinda normal lives.

And you are gonna pull up those training socks, Rabbit,

help us out.

(gentle dramatic music)

We've been over this a thousand times.

She's changed the whole bong world.

She who must not be named-

You mean E-(Rabbit vocalizing)

Oh.

If you say her name,

she'll show up and harsh our marvelous mellow.

(Rabbit and M. Bennet laughing)

Come on, dude.

She's sealed up all the rabbit holes.

Sorry, I can't help ya.

Don't you wanna get out there and do what you do?

Well, whatever you guys wanna do, it's cool. Yeah.

Rabbit. Teach us the ways of Nothing Head.

I don't know.

Come on, dude.

We're all just wasting away in here.

And at least out there in that cruel cruel world,

we have a chance to one day...

Nah, I got nothing.

(Rabbit gasping) (solemn music)

Please? Show us your hole.

(gentle bright music) (Rabbit laughs)

Prepare yourself for, the Poonishers!

(upbeat ethereal music)

(explosion crashing)

(upbeat music)

What in the name of?

(lively upbeat music) (singer vocalizing)

Oh my god.

(lively upbeat music)

You sure we can't hang around

for just a little while longer?

Careful prudes, they've been known

to chew right on through chastity belts.

(lively upbeat music) (whip snaps)

It's so ew.

Total ew.

The Poonishers don't care if your carpet is clean,

they're gonna munch it anyway.

Look at those taters.

You limp dicks better get your asses gone,

time is my money.

(lively upbeat music) (whip snaps)

Weed us up, Scotty!

(light whooshing) (dramatic music)

Do you think they're gonna save us?

We're screwed.

(gentle upbeat music)

(suspenseful music) (light whooshing)

Whoa. Check out all this cool stuff.

There's a crowbar in my pants.

Yeah, more like a thimble. (groans)

Oh, dude look at all the little Eebees.

And check out you two kinky freaks.

Yeah, I look good.

How'd you change your clothes?

Anything is possible

once you master the world of Nothing Head.

(Rabbit laughs) (thunder rumbling)

(insects chirping) (dramatic music)

(singers vocalizing) (lively upbeat music)

(eerie suspenseful music)

(upbeat music)

(explosion crashing)

(singers vocalizing) (lively upbeat music)

(light whooshing)

Hmm, you bitches gonna like this.

No, we won'.

We probably won't. (gasps)

(tense music) (girls moan)

(girls giggle)

(screen warbles) (static hissing)

If you're looking for weed, grass, kush,

pooch, stems, chemicals, stink or skunk,

go to one of our lousy competitors.

But if you're looking for the finest of the fine,

visit Eebe's Magical Weed Dispensary,

'cause we have the finest in town.

It's totally great shit.

Don't be drab and dreary,

visit Eebe's Magical Weed Dispensary and get cheery.

It's the happiest shit.

Credit cards and trades strictly unacceptable.

We give you big kush,

you give us big cash.

And if you're on the fence.

But then you're a total loser. (scoffs)

We have this. (bright upbeat music)

(smoke whooshes) (girls giggle)

(bright music)

Free shows daily.

(girls giggle)

(upbeat music) (crowd cheering)

(gentle melancholic music)

(gentle melancholic music continues)

(dramatic music)

Devil, do you approve?

I did it all for you. Well, mostly for you.

(somber music)

Do you like it

(dramatic music)

(suspenseful music)

All right.

(gentle melancholic music)

And a toke and another toke

(thunder rumbling)

(birds cawing) (insects chirping)

Any minute now our knights in shining cargo shorts

are gonna come and save the day.

They can take their time.

Whoo, I'm starting to enjoy this.

So you're taking the whole empowerment route with this?

Oh, I suppose so.

(clears throat) Okay, then so am I.

Use your teeth.

Kinky.

(dramatic music)

On the ropes, you dope.

What is wrong with you? Hurry up.

Oh my god, oh my god. (groans)

(suspenseful music)

Got it, turn around. Yeah, okay.

(suspenseful music)

Do you think they raised the money yet?

I sure hope so.

They better not be screwing around up there.

I have faith in them.

That makes one of us.

(dramatic music)

Ugh. Whoa, her boobs.

(suspenseful music) (electricity buzzing)

(insects chirping)

You just sit right there, leave it to me.

Girl, knock yourself out.

You won't hear a peep from my ass.

Today's my big grand opening.

There's so many victims. Customers, whatever.

Don't worry your tits, you'll make a killing.

(both laughing hysterically)

(dramatic music) (Lucy growls)

(Lucy gasps)

Bark like a dog. (girl laughs)

(upbeat music) Here we go

(whip snaps) I said bark like a dog!

(girl laughs) Bark like a dog!

(girl imitates dog barking)

You didn't know I hate Pomeranians.

(whip snapping)

Show us where the rabbit hole is.

(girl laughs)

(upbeat music) Come on

Do you think the guys have the money?

I don't know if I even care anymore.

(light whooshing)

Oh.

Huh. Shh, play along,

Eebee's here.

Whoa, what the fuck is going on here?

Oh, this is an awakening.

You bitches is nasty, I can use you later.

Damn.

Oh, the sights we could show you.

Mm, I know you could,

but you skanks need to save it for later.

I'ma go get my money.

(light whooshing)

Show us the rabbit hole!

Show us the rabbit hole, cookie brains!

(girls laughing) (suspenseful music)

(gentle upbeat music) (Lucy sighs)

I hope I didn't just kill my only two customers.

(doorbell rings)

(suspenseful music)

(sighs) It's you!

(gentle dramatic music)

(doorbell rings)

In the flesh.

FYI.

There can be a lot more of that, if you know what I mean.

I don't.

Flesh, a lot.

Yeah, I seriously doubt it, and uh,

uh, God, please don'.

Just thought I'd put it out there.

Okay, well, put it back.

God, put it way back, perv!

Huh?

My face, hello, the thing that's talking.

(gentle dramatic music)

Oh. (gasps)

Eh.

I don't like to bog myself down with details.

What do you want?

I just thought I'd drop by and see how it's going.

Big day, first day and all.

Yeah, okay, you're the only person

to walk in here, um, if anyone asks.

Well, that's a good omen for any entrepreneur.

Yeah, you know, actually I looked you up

at the Better Business Bureau?

Hm, not so much.

Details. Details.

(doorbell rings)

(bright music)

Ah, hello, ladies, let me know if you have any questions.

Namaste.

Namaste.

(doorbell rings) (Lucy sighs)

Rabbit wanna grab it.

(customers giggle)

I think I'll peruse your merchandise

Is there something you like?

Is there, uh, something you wanna try that I have?

Maybe? (giggles)

Sentences, ladies, they're the backbone of communication.

(customers giggle)

(bright music)

(Rabbit panting)

Okay, you're showing me that, why?

We heard it gets you free weed.

Tits for tokes.

I kind of have two of my own.

(gentle upbeat music)

(chuckles) Ladies, if I may,

your actions were commendable,

and so are your hooties.

And I want you to know that was all not for naught.

(Rabbit laughs)

You have free weed?

Not exactly.

(dramatic music) Then what, exactly?

Rabbit wanna grab it. (laughs)

Screw you.

Grab yourself, dickhead.

(Rabbit and Lucy sigh)

Talk about mixed messages.

I don't know, seemed pretty clear to me.

(bright music) (wind whooshing)

Show us the rabbit hole.

(girls laughing)

Show us the rabbit hole or you're gonna get it.

(girls laughing)

All they do is giggle and don't do! (gasps)

Sarah. What?

Look. (suspenseful music)

Oh my god. What is that?

A rabbit hole.

A portal?

It's been here the whole time.

We can get out of Bong Land!

(both screaming)

(both laughing)

No, I don't wanna leave their sweet faces

here all alone-We have to go.

Oh, we'll probably come right back through.

Very true, but we have to try, bye!

Okay, after you.

(light whooshing)

(gentle upbeat music)

(dramatic music)

God, I can't stand all these idiots!

Everything's going according to plan, honey.

No, it's just a bunch of cheap morons and derelicts.

I'm so gonna whack all of 'em.

Ooh, baby, just slow your roll, sweet ass.

You'll get your chance.

But it's not like it was last time.

I can't get them separate enough to do the deed.

(sighs) And worst of all.

You found a conscience somewhere in those boobs?

God, no. It's all those stupid questions.

I can't take it.

Honey, that's customer service.

No, I'm so gonna sacrifice all of them.

Whoa! Save your energy for when you need it.

And bitch, you're gonna need it.

(quirky dramatic music)

You're right.

I just need to stay calm. I can do this.

Now you're using your hair sprayed head!

Now go back out there and do your thing.

Thanks, Eebee.

My pleasure, bitch.

(suspenseful music)

Hey, ladies, I, uh, I got some killer weed

in the back if you wanna try it.

Ooh! Yeah!

(customers giggle)

Come on, totally safe.

Come on, in this back room.

Ah-huh. (suspenseful music)

Can I try it?

No!

It's strong enough for a bald-ass orangutan,

but it's kinda made for women, so, sorry, huh.

(bright music)

(suspenseful music)

(dramatic music)

(Lucy gasps)

Oh, I needed that. I wanted to do that so bad.

Can I, um? Oh, shh, shh!

(suspenseful music)

(Lucy shrieks)

Oh, that was good.

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Where are the girls?

Oh, they are gone. They are so far gone.

Not that they were there to begin with.

(doorbell rings)

Cock!

Hey, put it in a jar. You got customers.

(bright upbeat music)

(Lucy sighs)

(bright upbeat music continues)

Sarah?

Uh, you know these people?

Uh, yes. Uh, they're old friends of mine.

Uh, this is not Sarah apparently.

And uh, this is Misty.

And uh, this is, uh, Miss Lucy Fur.

(upbeat music)

I don't suppose you came here to buy anything either.

The road to discovery led us here.

Say what?

We came here looking for some guy, I think.

This guy? Oh, you must be real hard up.

Mm, you could say that again.

But don't.

Are you Larnell?

Au contraire, I'm Rabbit.

Larnell is-

Larnell! (gasps)

No way, the fun's just getting started. (chuckles)

(dramatic music) (light whooshing)

That's right, motherfuckers! Eebee!

(girls scream)

She likes to say that a lot.

I told you not to say her name.

Can't tell if you fuck buckets are surprised to see me,

or if that's just your normal, stupid faces.

Oh, great, the poopiest party-pooper.

Who do we have here? The Ginger Little Dick Man.

How the hell did you get here?

I whacked it deep into Sexy Hell

and jumped through a flaming pussy.

You?

This set of tits attached to a pole dragged my ass here.

Uh, did, uh, (clears throat) did you say Sexy Hell?

Yeah, Sexy Hell, and that's where I'm going,

even if I have to whack all of you to do it.

Oh, could you just whack me? (chuckles)

Rabbit!

Uh, uh, just kidding. (chuckles)

Our chosen course is the only one to wellness.

Huh? We're not going anywhere

except for the hospital.

These girls are barely hanging on.

(groans) Let me help you get it there faster.

(light whooshing)

(wind whooshing) (dramatic music)

(vocalist screaming)

(light whooshing)

(girls squelch)

(grunts) Bon voyage, tits, don't forget to write.

How could you?

Yeah, you're a scone's throw away from getting it, girlie.

Don't help that bitch, you pudding-head fuck.

Dead ass's don't help me.

Who fucking cares what you want?

I'm just happy to be killing again.

Makes me feel like a, a man again.

Ha! You really are a dumb-ass.

Donut test me.

Boop, boop! (vocalizing)

Yeah!

(dramatic music) (wind whooshing)

(light whizzing) (Sarah screaming)

Hold tight!

(Sarah and Luann screaming)

(light whooshing)

(dramatic music) (wind whooshing)

You're coming with me!

(yells) Hey, hey,

I'm not going back to that shithole! (screams)

(light whooshing)

(dramatic music) (wind whooshing)

(suspenseful music)

Well, fuck, I was just getting started.

(dramatic music)

(vocalist singing faintly)

(light whooshing)

(Lucy grunts)

Boop!

Sexy Hell is fucking rad!

Shit, your rap is evil, voodoo

Makin' all these girlies boo-hoo

And I might go crazy cuckoo

For smoking the weed like you do

(light whooshing)

Bitch, could you be more of a sorority slut?

Shut up, you're spoiling it.

You don't tell me to shut up, I tell you to shut up.

It's so sexy.

It's so sexy.

Ugh, it's the nuns.

We are more than happy to leave you to your own devices.

I'm sure there's so many devices here.

Who dares harsh my bellow?

(dramatic music)

(explosion whooshing and crashing)

I expected a little more from that voice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what they all say.

Fuck you, too.

That is no way to talk to a lady.

Silence, man, come on.

Who are you?

I am Beelzebud,

high priest of Sexy Hell.

(Lucy groans)

Lord of deadness.

Ambassador of fucking delicate shit like that.

(thunder crashing)

(Lucy gasps and growls)

(Beelzebud laughs) (Beelzebud clicks fingers)

(thunder rumbles) (suspenseful music)

Oh, yeah. (laughs)

No, ew! Ew, so ew!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's some hot shit right there, man. (laughs)

I've seen hotter.

Man, what's with you?

I think all of them clothes be harsh in' your hotness.

(suspenseful music)

Sexy demon, why don't you help them

shed their dirt for the Beelzebuds.

(thunder rumbles) (Beelzebud smacks lips)

(suspenseful music)

No, no, no.

No, no.

(suspenseful music)

(gentle bright music) (traffic whooshing)

So, this is where the magic happens.

Wouldn't that be the kitchen?

No, this is where they make the food disappear. (laughs)

Uh.

A little restaurant humor.

Very little.

(Rabbit chuckles)

It's so elegant, it must have cost you a fortune.

It did.

I inherited a small fortune

from a nephew who croaked.

(gasps) He died? Aw, he must have loved you so much.

Never met him.

You never met him?

No, I was too busy getting high

over multiple dimensions.

Ah, it's a long story.

I'd love to share it with you over coffee one day.

That's okay.

Okay. Uh.

(Rabbit sighs)

(Rabbit groaning) (suspenseful music)

I'm not going back to the old Rabbit.

I'm not going back to the old Rabbit.

I'm not going back to the old Rabbit.

Then don'.

(gasps) So, (chuckles)

Would you like to meet the rest of the crew and?

Let's do it. This way.

(dramatic music)

(light whooshing)

Look, the portal, the portal!

(dramatic music) (Luann yelling)

Hey! Hey, what the fuck now?

Oh! (screams)

(dramatic music) (light whooshing)

(Beelzebud hisses)

(dramatic music)

Oh, my God, you suck!

I like the sound of that. (chuckles) Yeah.

I'm thinking a sacrifice is on the menu for a change.

Oh, at least it's not the other thing.

After the orgy, of course.

(laughs) This is Sexy Hell.

(suspenseful music)

Oh, no.

Go get her.

(suspenseful music)

No!

No, no.

(light whirring)

Get off of me!

(suspenseful music)

(Beelzebud smacking lips)

Ladies, dinner is served.

(gentle upbeat music)

(camera shutters clicking) Aren't you gonna taste it?

Oh, we don't actually eat food.

Well. Yeah, no,

we just take photos of it.

What do you mean, you, you have to eat.

We just live off supplements and brain water.

I'm not sure if that's working.

Uh, here, now-

(camera shutter clicking) Let's do the Rabbit

choo-choo train. (girls laughing)

Oh my God.

Open up. Choo-choo-choo.

(girls shrieking) (Rabbit exclaiming)

Mm, mm. (bright music)

(Rabbit chuckles)

Whoa. Mm!

Really? Mm-hmm!

Lemme try.

Yeah, it's so good.

(girl exclaims)

Boop, boop, boop! So silly.

Oh, mm, my gosh.

Stop it. There's no ways-

So much better than vitamins.

(girls exclaiming and giggling)

(bright music)

Mm! I know. (laughs)

Oh my. Mm!

Oh my gosh. (girls moaning)

(Rabbit chuckles)

I think they like it.

Is it getting hot in here? Yeah.

It's amazing. It is amazing!

(girls exclaiming) (bright music)

(girls shrieking and laughing)

All the way round. Ah-huh.

Yes, yes! Oh my god.

Oh my God, anyone else getting a little bit horny?

Is it the mains? Oh yeah.

Maybe a lot of it.

Amazing. I already put my phone

on vibrate. (girls laughing)

Oh yum! This beans are amazing.

(bright upbeat music) (lightning crashing)

High, my passion's so high

Oh, I want you

Oh, I want you (Beelzebud panting)

Yeah, yeah, yeah

(light whooshing)

(music warbling) (light whooshes)

I so wanna kill you,

but I need Eebee to keep the portal open.

Wait till I get out of this.

You're all gonna get a kick in the nads.

Let's start the ceremony.

By ceremony I mean fucked up

gross-ass orgy.

(Lucy and Beelzebud growl and laugh)

Turn the lights out

And take off all your clothes

(upbeat music) I wanna lick you

That's kinky.

Yeah, that son of a pussy is tight.

Onto the floor God, what now?

(dramatic music)

Using only the finest weed on Earth,

we will create life.

We need to get started.

(thunder crashing)

The storm is coming.

Right you are, motherfucker.

Flour, brown sugar, yellow cake,

eggs, nuts, more nuts.

And now for the final ingredient Gingerweed!

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music continues)

This shit doesn't look like much.

How the fuck is that supposed to help us?

Ready?

(dramatic music)

Time to plug him in.

Let's bake!

(suspenseful music)

(electricity buzzing)

Get that motherfuckin' monster, motherfucker.

Holy shit, motherfucking Gingerweed Man.

Get the high! Whoo-hoo!

Get the high! Get the high!

(dramatic music) (Rabbit laughing)

(Gingerweed Man groaning) (suspenseful music)

(group laughing)

Wow. Where'd they get her?

Hoes R Us? (laughs)

Welcome to Lelapin. Um, here you go.

It took you long enough.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, you are actually. (clears throat)

Is this a joke?

No, I don't think so.

You know what, don't get smart with me,

you little bitch, all right?

It's not my fault that you make minimum wage.

You could at least crack a smile.

Oh. (chuckles)

You know, I come here a lot, all right,

and I spend a lot of money here.

Oh, (chuckles) we've only been open for an hour.

Get your manager.

Oh. (quirky dramatic music)

Are you the manager?

Oh no.

Now stop fuckin' around and go get your manager.

I'm not in trouble, am I?

I can't go back to prison. Bad vibes.

Geez.

What seems to be the problem here, miss?

(scoffs) You're the manager?

Actually, I'm the owner.

Another smart ass, I see.

And what the hell's going on with these whores over here?

Got their titties out.

They're French.

(girls laughing) (quirky upbeat music)

My kid doesn't need to see that, okay? Look at 'em.

Uh, your kid?

Don't talk about my family, okay?

What exactly is it that you want?

Don't interrupt me again.

I'm the customer and I pay your salary, okay?

Not if you don't order.

I'm trying to make a point, all right?

Like the point on your head.

Then make It.

I'll just take a number one,

and, and make it quick, okay?

'Cause I have places to go, people to see,

and things to do.

Right away.

(upbeat music)

Why are you still standing there?

Shell-shocked.

Chop-chop, okay? My husband is a lawyer.

(bright music)

Asshole.

(bright upbeat music)

(Luann moaning)

What just happened?

It's Sexy Hell. Hey, girl.

(dramatic music)

(light whooshing)

Honeybuns, I'm home and this time, it's war.

Whoa, man, that's harsh.

Why don't you just grease these two and be done with it?

You mean I finally get to wax Sarah?

Who?

Yeah, whatever, man.

They've been so unsexy since they've been here.

(explosion crashing)

Uh, it's been my life's work, but would it be too easy�?

What do you think, honestly?

Just do your thing, man.

I wanna get this gross-ass orgy started

so then we can go fuck her into the ground.

(laughs) Oh, yeah. Lie down, you.

Nobody's killing us today.

(groans) Or orgying us, either.

We're getting outta here.

(dramatic music)

(tail snaps) Oh!

(light whooshes)

(gentle dramatic music) (Luann squeals)

(explosion booming)

(light whooshing)

Doesn't anybody knock anymore, man?

(ethereal music)

Who the fuck are you?

Your worst nightmare.

I'm Gingerweed Man.

I've been sent by Mom and Dad to save you.

(gasps) Mom and Dad?

Rabbit and Eebee? How is that even possible?

Yeah, what the fuck is this shit?

I believe in weeds, not words.

I'm sending you back where you came from,

you fricking hippie.

(gun burbles) (doobie whizzing)

(bright upbeat music)

(gentle upbeat music)

Come with Weed if you want to live.

Donut cross me, asshole, Luanne is mine.

You, sir, must be weedinated.

(gun firing)

(doobies whizzing)

(Gingerdead Man laughing)

(Beelzebud laughing)

(grunts) Mm, yeah.

(triumphant music)

I really hate you bitches.

(dramatic music)

Likewise, demon crotch. Sic her!

Oh!

What the fuck?

(dramatic music) (foot thuds)

(Lucy groans) Oh!

(dramatic music)

(Gingerdead Man exclaims)

(dramatic music)

(Gingerweed Man exclaims)

Cripes, man, what was in that shit?

Me.

I feel like I'm rising like a souffle here.

To transverse the mission you must become one with it.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Oh, he's kind of lovable when he's not so doughy.

Game face, Luann.

(Luann sighs)

(suspenseful music)

Is this real? Oh! (gasping)

Why is that clown walking towards me?

What are you doing here? Whoa!

Oh, danger, oh, shit, ah,

this is crazy, this is very serious.

Sarah, stop! (Luann yelling)

I mean, Luann, Luann, what the fuck name you go by.

Oh, God, not this away.

Oh, not on my dick.

Oh! (grumbling)

(thunder rumbles)

(Luann yells)

(gentle dramatic music)

Wow, I've never seen you like that.

You know me, some, sometimes I get so

(vocalizes) I don't even recognize myself.

Cool, now that he's outta here

we can start that world domination game.

What about the orgy?

No time, babe.

No, you promised me a gross-ass orgy.

(Gingerweed Man groaning)

Chill ax, man.

We're just gonna get on outta here.

I have a telepathic link back home.

Nice. Make it so.

Yes! Weed us out, Ma!

(light whooshing)

(Luann screaming)

(portal whooshing)

(dramatic music)

(Lucy hisses)

(light whooshing)

(dramatic music)

(portal squelches)

(ethereal music) (monks chanting)

(girls sighing and giggling)

It's exactly what I was hoping they were.

Huh.

It could only mean one thing.

Huh.

Where is that little pervert?

Get to the point, jerks.

Let me out of these hula hoops.

You, Gingerdead Man, stand before us,

a prisoner of your own devices.

A mockery of pastry kind,

you know the charges put forth against you.

What charges?

You are hereby formally charged with murder, mayhem,

callousness, wanton drug use, oh-

Is that all you've got?

And your worst offense,

you taste like poop.

Merde. You're not even semi-sweet.

You is a bad man, mon.

Yeah, oui, oui.

The bathroom's to the left, you big ugly dick.

How do you plead?

Kiss my donut hole.

(dramatic music)

(melancholic music)

(lively upbeat music)

Whoa, no, no, no, no

No, no, no, oh

In the morning, in the night

When I don't feel so right

All through the misty haze

The green will brighten up my days

Cloud of smoke to clear my mind

Just a puff to help unwind

Everywhere I go, I take it

Oh, it's like I can't escape it

Only thing I need

Only thing I need

Mean green, wicked weed

Heavy from the devil's seed

Fiending for it every day

You know I want that Mary Jane

Mean green, wicked weed

You've got a hold of me

Fiending for it every day

You know I want that Mary Jane

Light the fire, spark the tree

Yeah Make it a part of me

Oh

Think of all the life it brings

Just growing from those little seeds

Oh I need my smoke today

Work too hard, get home late

Oh I just need a break

Oh, one more toke that I can take

Only thing I need

Only thing I need

What's that Mean green, wicked weed

Heavy from the devil's seed

I