Original subtitles

New Yorkers have always loved block parties.

You can hang out with everyone in your neighborhood,

and best of all, you didn't have to invite

them into your house.

The block party is on Saturday!

Uh, doy.

I'm gonna win the hot dog eating contest.

The trick is not to chew.

Guess again, Drew.

I volunteered you and Tonya to look after the younger kids.

What? It's not fair.

Ah!

Is it fair I work two jobs?

Is it fair Arbor Day is my only day off?

My dad was like Candyman, but we summoned

him by saying, "It's not fair."

Is it fair I have to spend the whole block

party on the grill?

He had to grill, because he was

the only daddy on the block.

Except for this guy.

Hey, Daddy.

More importantly, is it fair I never

get done grilling in time to get some

of your mama's mac and cheese?

What can I say? It goes so fast.

Like every car that gets parked on our block,

it's gone in 60 seconds.

You just love being treated

like a queen for a day, don't you?

Nuh-uh, Mr. Grill Master.

You're the one who loves being treated like the king

of the neighborhood.

Because outside the neighborhood,

he got treated like Rodney King.

What I like is making sure everyone gets to eat.

That's what being a man is all about--

providing.

I appreciate everything

you've provided to me, Daddy.

Oh, you're welcome, honey.

But you still have to babysit.

What's Chris gonna do?

Whatever I want.

I'm a grown man.

You thought you-- he said he was a man!

I didn't get another laugh that big

till I did Def Comedy Jam.

I wasn't joking.

I'm 17 now.

I'm basically a man.

You want to be a man, huh?

OK, you're a man--

a garbage man.

Take our old mattress out to the curb.

It wasn't a Serta. It was a sorta.

It's not fair.

Ah!

Little dude from across the street, let me hold a dollar.

Can you help a brotha out?

Nah, you got it.

What the--

While I was trying to be a man,

the girl next door had become a woman.

That was the mattress.

I mean, uh, hi, Tasha.

You look different.

Really? How so?

You know, you just seem so mature.

I spent the summer at sleepaway camp.

And I learned a lot.

So are you going to the block party?

Yeah. Maybe I'll see you there.

Boobs! You have boobs now!

Ah!

Ooh, there go Rochelle.

I can't wait for her mac and cheese.

It stops me up, but it's worth it.

Hey, I asked for it as my last meal

when I was on death row.

But I didn't get to have it because I got pardoned.

Don't worry.

There'll be plenty for everyone--

who gets there early.

Hey, Rochelle.

Peaches, you're back.

Oh, yeah.

Summer vacation is over, but, girl,

I'm still on island time.

Mm!

I thought you were in jail.

Uh-huh, Rikers Island.

I could see the ocean from my cell.

And girl, we made daiquiris in a toilet.

Mm.

It must have been hard being away

from your daughter all summer.

Nah, it was easy.

My oldest was in there, too.

I met her for the first time.

First time?

Well, didn't you give birth to her?

Never mind.

No, I meant being away from Tasha.

Oh, I just sent her to sleepaway camp.

Why don't they have that during the school year, huh?

I can't imagine.

Oh, I see we're making mac and cheese.

Again.

It's back by popular demand.

Mm.

You know, you're not the only one on the block who can cook.

Maybe I'll bring something this year.

Sure.

Just don't make it in the toilet.

Wait. Tasha Tasha?

I thought you were over her.

And I know she was over you.

You don't understand.

Everything's different now.

What, she has bigger boobs?

Yeah, bigger boobs, yeah.

And when I asked if she was going to the block party,

she said, "Maybe I'll see you there."

Dude, that's, like, girl code for, "I want your body."

You're so in there.

You really think I have a shot?

I mean, she's so mature now.

Then you need to be, too.

Hm. Looking good, Chris.

Well, not good, but less bad.

You're right.

I need Tasha to see me as a man.

But not the kind who takes out old stained mattresses.

The kind who stains mattresses.

- Ugh. - What?

I'm disgusting.

Mm-mm-mm. Rochelle's coming.

I've been waiting all year for this.

This mac, man.

It's got me, man.

That cheese just be calling me.

I just got to go to it.

OK.

No more mac for Pookie.

Peaches, I didn't think you'd actually bring anything.

But look at you!

Oh, it's nothing much.

You made mac and cheese?

Is that a problem?

The problem is, I make the mac and cheese.

Oh.

Well, mine is like McDonald's, and yours

is more like McDowell's.

But it's not a competition, Rochelle.

Oh, yes it was.

Can't believe we're not getting paid for this.

I know.

Spending our whole day keeping these kids safe.

- Whoa! - Hey, get off!

That's our garbage.

I just wanna jump on it.

OK.

You can jump on it-- for a quarter.

Whoa!

I can see into my apartment.

Why is my mom taking a bath with the mailman?

H-hey.

Looking good, Chris.

Chris, why are you walking like that?

Did you sit on your nuts again?

No.

I'm trying to be a man.

You know that's lit, right?

Oh! Ah!

No, no.

Ah! Whew.

That wasn't a mattress.

Hi, Chris.

You know how cute I always thought you were.

Chris, come help me on the grill!

Me? Now?

Why?

Because you want to be a man, and men man the grill.

It was a block party, all right.

And I was the one getting blocked.

Don't flip it too soon.

The patty will stick to the grill.

But don't flip it too late.

The patty will stick to the grill.

It's a sticky grill.

Ooh, look how gooey it is.

What's that?

That's my mac and cheese.

- Uh-oh. - It's fine.

You know how Peaches is always trying to be like me.

I just wish I had the wisdom that comes

from being Rochelle's age.

Well, bye.

I want you to enjoy it right here.

Mm, mm!

Even better than I remember.

Thanks, Nessa.

- Now try hers. - What?

Why?

It'll be fun.

What's in this?

Elbows and government cheese.

Mine has cheddar and parmesan,

but it's not a competition.

Whose is better?

Mm.

Uh, mm.

Can't tell yet.

Let me try some more.

Mm.

What the--

Can I get a burger, medium rare?

This is a Black event.

You can only get it well done.

But why?

Because we couldn't afford to get food poisoning.

But now that I'm rich, I could just walk up to a cow

and bite it.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing?

I thought you wanted Tasha to see

you as a man, not a child--

Julia Child.

Hey-o!

My dad's making me grill.

That's his idea of being a man.

I think Tasha likes their idea.

Oh, come on!

I got to go talk to her.

Chris, these hot dogs ain't going to rotate themselves.

Don't worry. I got this.

Hey, Mr., uh, Chris' dad.

Why does Chris have to work while everyone else has fun?

It's not fair that--

Is it fair that they call it the World Series

when it's just teams from North America?

Uh--

Is it fair that Neil Armstrong got

to walk on the Moon, but Michael Collins had

to stay in the command module?

Make it stop.

Dad, I should go after Greg.

He's white. Something could happen to him.

Like what?

He's going to get approved for a loan?

There's no getting away from my dad.

Can't you just tell him the truth?

That you're horny for Tasha's boobies?

Pfft. Yeah right.

I guess I blew my chance with her.

Greg?

Sorry. She's just so hot now.

Man.

Whee!

Oof!

Just as the cards foretold.

I'm going to jump up to Heaven and say hi to Grandma.

Ducky, no!

Whoa!

Aw, man!

Yo, Big Edgar!

You gotta try this!

Here, try mine.

No thanks.

I-- Well?

It's good, OK?

Don't hurt me.

Mm!

Mm, mm. Mm-mm-mm.

Spit it out, Mr. Omar.

Or you'll be planning your own funeral.

Yo, man, you going to eat that?

Let me make you a plate, sweetie.

Oh, no. I'm good.

It's a crime to let this go to waste.

Thank you, Risky.

That means a lot.

I got Peaches' famous mac and cheese here.

No line. $5.

Way better than Rochelle's.

I think I've got it.

Five-O!

Attention, citizens.

You--

Side, close, side.

Oh, damn it.

I don't know what's going on here.

But that kid's one hell of a dancer.

Wait, wait!

A boy fell in a manhole.

Accidentally.

It was no one's fault. But you have to wonder,

where were the parents?

It's Baby Jessica all over again.

I'm going to be on the "Today" show.

Describe the victim.

About 4'8". Mm-hmm.

Maybe 90 pounds.

- Uh-huh. - Black.

Grilled to perfection.

Thank you, Mr. Julius.

I didn't cook that.

It was Chris.

Little dude from across the street, you got a tip jar?

Uh, yeah.

Right here.

You know I don't have it on me.

Feels good to be a man, doesn't it?

Yeah.

I've got something for you.

The big piece of chicken!

Well done.

Get it?

Well done?

Thank God I got my mom's sense of humor.

You're ready to man the grill by yourself.

Where are you going?

To finally get some of your mama's mac and cheese.

You sure you don't want to try some, Rochelle?

It's about to run out, and then all we gonna have left

is your whole tray.

I don't eat government cheese.

OK, you know what?

This is a competition, and I am winning.

So why do you keep acting like you're better than me?

Maybe because I didn't spend the summer in jail

for public intoxication.

It was public nudity!

And it wasn't my fault. I was drunk.

That's what intoxication means!

Ugh! You are so stuck up.

Rochelle, this is the best mac and cheese I've ever had.

That's actually my mac and cheese.

Uh-oh.

Would you care for seconds, Julius?

What have I done?

I do not need this!

My mac has two cheeses!

Ducky!

We brought you some food.

Here, catch.

Ooh, a hot dog!

I can eat these so fast.

The trick is not to chew.

Ducky, no!

We got to tell Mom.

No. There has to be another way.

I think I've got it!

Side, close, side, tap.

Greg, no!

Look out!

I'm OK!

I'm not!

You the man, Chris.

- Tasha. - Hey.

I thought we were going to hang out.

Kind of felt like you were ignoring me.

Ignoring you?

I've been thinking about you all day.

Don't say that out loud!

Really?

I've been thinking about all day too.

Never mind. You do you.

Oh, do you want to hang out after the block party?

How about right now?

My mom got in some huge fight over macaroni and cheese,

so my apartment's empty.

Maybe I'll see you there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What do I do?

You are ready to man the grill by yourself.

And I learned a lot at sleepaway camp.

You the man, Chris.

The kind that stains mattresses.

Forget about being a man.

You're ready to be a daddy.

Why are you grilling me?

I can feel pain.

Ah!

Grill's closed.

Tasha, wait up!

Chris, you better not bring home no babies!

Baby, what's wrong?

Everyone on this block has lost

their damn minds, that's what.

I'm the only sane one left.

Mm-hmm.

Look, I know it's stupid, but I miss being treated

like a queen for a day.

It's not stupid.

Why do you think I do the grilling every year?

So you can sell the leftover meat

to that Chinese restaurant?

Well, yeah.

But also, I like being the king of the neighborhood.

Peaches may be the queen for today,

but you're a queen every day.

My queen.

Thank you, baby.

But damn!

Not even one person liked my mac and cheese better?

Well, I still haven't tried it.

Oh, my Lord!

You're just saying that.

God damn!

Mm-mm-mm!

I'm so glad we're finally alone.

Me too.

I tried a lot of new things at sleepaway camp.

Want to see what I can do with my tongue?

This girl was a freak!

This girl was a freak!

What are you doing?

Speaking in tongues.

I got the Holy Ghost, Chris.

At church camp!

You went to sleepaway church camp?

So why did you want to be alone with me?

To talk to you about getting saved.

What did you think I wanted to do?

Don't make me say it.

I'll get in trouble.

I've seen you staring at my boobs, Chris.

You've given in to the temptations of the flesh.

Uh, I just-- you said you were

thinking about me all day.

I was praying for you.

I want you to come to church with me, Chris.

I'll think about it.

I thought about it, and nope!

Well, see ya!

A white kid fell in a manhole!

All units, this is a level 4 mobilization.

I need EMS, ESU, medevac, HAZMAT, and SWAT.

I'm going to meet Willard Scott.

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

The grill!

The big piece of chicken!

$37.90 worth of leftover meat!

Chris!

Uh, five-O, five-O, five-O!

You're not going to put that out?

There's a white child in a hole!

I gotta do everything myself.

It's been a harrowing four minutes since a white child

fell into this manhole, and all of New York

is demanding to know how much longer the rescue will take.

A Black kid fell in first.

Ah, ah.

I'm getting reports now that something may have

broken the white child's fall.

Oh, snap!

Dad, I'm sorry.

How could you leave the grill unattended?

Where were you?

At Tasha's.

Doing what?

Nothing, as usual.

I got rejected.

Anyway, I'm ready for my punishment now.

You know, I was young once, too.

I get how it feels when a girl shoots you down.

So how bad was it?

She spoke in tongues, and now she wants

me to go to church with her.

I think she's good for you, Chris.

Wait, for real?

Your mama shot me down at first too.

But a real man knows the right woman is worth the effort.

Did Mom ever make you do anything

you didn't want to do?

Yeah, have kids!

Peaches.

You win.

Yeah! In your face!

I'm the queen of this bitch!

How could anyone like government cheese?

You put crack in there, I know it!

I may not use fancy ingredients,

but food is more of a feeling than a flavor.

Yeah, whatever.

Come on. Just try it.

What's wrong with your cheese, Rochelle?

It's not melting.

It's government cheese.

That's what you get when your family's poor.

She's poor!

I don't hate government cheese.

I just hated the way other people

made me feel for eating it.

Girl, I know what it's like to be judged.

And sentenced.

And here I was, making you feel less than.

What you mean, less than?

Like how everyone liked your mac and cheese less than mine?

Well, I tried.

Oops.

I got T-shirts here. $10.

Whoo!

They saved the white boy!

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

Breaking news!

The white child has been rescued, finally.

How scary was it to fall into the sewer

in a Black neighborhood?

Wait. Am I on TV?

If there are any hot babes watching,

will you please go out with me?

You will not be disappointed.

I have scoliosis, so I'm super flexible.

Ugh! You nasty.

Did he just say that? Ew.

Ducky, you're OK.

I want the quarters.

All of them.

Or what?

Or I'm telling your mom.

Tasha, hey.

I thought about what you said, and I'll go to church

with you sometime.

I'm so glad, Chris.

First we've got to get you rebaptized.

Uh, mm-hmm.

You really think she's good for Chris?

Nope.

But at least he won't bring home no babies.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Wait. We're doing this now?