Original subtitles

Oh, Heather,

what horrors you've been through. Don't worry, though, darling. After he sees

this, he'll never frighten you again.

A crime?

Yes, Father O'Malley assured me that this would force the vampire out into

daylight and to his own destruction.

Just stay close behind me. As long as we have this, no evil will touch us.

Nicholas! Hey, don't shoot me. Why? Oh, I thought it was you. You spook. Why

aren't you in bed?

Well, I came down to get my scoop.

What are you watching?

It's a Dracula.

I've got to watch it for my film class.

Oh, boy.

Oh,

no. Oh, no, no. Oh, boy.

How come you don't get nightmares?

Because I'm a mature person, and you get easily scared. Now go to bed.

Okay.

There's a magic in the early morning we found

When the sunrise miles on everything

It's a portrait of the happiness that we feel and always

will.

Oh, it is enough to fill our lives with love.

Oh, we spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes.

If we're ever puzzled by the change,

You,

sir, are a jerk.

I thought personal insults in a public debate were bad form.

Oh, no, no, no. I wasn't referring to my esteemed opponent. I meant me.

How did I ever let Elliot Randolph talk me into doing this? That's easy. He's

your publisher.

Yes, well, I mean, just because he runs the newspaper doesn't mean he should run

my life. He knows how I hate these things. Oh, come on, Tom. It's just one

night. It's for a good cause. It might even be fun.

Fun? Now, listen, picnics are fun. Kittens are fun. Having a public debate

the population control is definitely not fun.

Well, then think of it as a challenge. In this corner, ladies and gentlemen,

champion of zero population, Andrew Silver. In this corner, ladies and

gentlemen, tipping the scales with practical experience, the favorite Tom

Hooray!

A verbal lightweight.

I'll dance like a bee and sting like a butterfly.

NXB to Agent IXJM. Come in, Agent IXJM.

I read you, Agent NXB.

Proceed to infiltrate enemy headquarters.

Over. Roger, Agent IXJM. Over and out.

I've been captured. Help!

You look like a million bucks.

Green and wrinkled?

No, suave and debonair, and I'd throw in handsome, but I'm already behind two

compliments to nothing.

Oh, well, you look so beautiful that it almost makes me forget what a miserable

evening we have ahead of us. Now I'm only behind one compliment, and I'd keep

this game up, but I have to see Nicholas off to the Moors.

Is somebody going to keep the home fires burning? Well, Nancy has a date, but

the rest of the gang should be home a little later to celebrate the thrill of

victory.

Or the agony of defeat.

Agent RXJM to Agent NXB.

Boy, are you a bozo.

We're ready to proceed with Operation Fakeout. You really think we can do it?

Sure. If your parents think you're at my house and my parents think I'm at your

house, nobody's going to connect us with anything.

I guess you're right.

Sure, it'll be just like real secret agents.

We can spy on your family and they won't know where we are.

Nicholas, time to go.

Quick, time to watch this.

Rendezvous at 10 .8 in 10 minutes.

And do you know why?

The weatherman says it's going to be raining very, very hard.

So don't you think we should give you a ride over to the Moors?

Don't worry, I'll be fine.

Okay. But now you be sure and call if you need a ride home, okay?

And do me a favor, would you? Would you thank Mrs. Moore for dinner and try very

hard to stay out of her hair?

Don't worry, she won't even know I'm there.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

Tom, have you noticed what time it is?

I'm just going over some facts. I won't be a minute.

Right. I won't hold in my breath.

Agent NXP to Agent IXJM.

Getaway completed.

Uh -oh. Enemy female approaching.

Agent NXP to Agent IXJM. The coast is clear. All systems go. Over and out.

Fabulous 50s, huh? What a great thing for a party.

So, do I send you?

Only back to about 1962.

Oh, still not nifty -fifty, huh? What about Dad's fraternity sweater?

Wore it a couple times in high school.

Check the back of the closet.

Perfect. Hey, you know, if I find it, then I won't lose my shoes.

What do you think, saddle shoes? You got any?

Sorry, but I might be pairing Mom's old stuff.

Hey.

Hi,

Merrick. Excuse me. I know you're studying, but this will only take me an

I've heard that before.

No, really. Look, see, it's a paper I have to write for my film class.

You've seen that movie, Psycho.

Haven't you that famous Hitchcock film?

Mm -hmm.

Will you remember that scene where Anthony Perkins murders Janet Leigh in

shower? How could I forget? I had goosebumps for a week.

That's it. That's it.

Goosebumps? No, no. I need an exact description of how you felt during that

shower scene.

Joanie, what's the matter with the way you felt?

Oh, I... I can't exactly...

I don't know. I saw Psycho years ago. Oh, no, no, Mary, you can remember now.

Just concentrate.

Hey,

I'm in the movie.

With a dark, dormy night.

I love your special effects.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, anyway.

Janet Leigh is taking a shower.

And through the curtain, you see the dark figure approaching.

Anthony Perkins.

Psycho Norman B.

Coming towards her.

The music shrieks.

Norman raises his knife. He grabs the curtain and he rips it aside.

That's exactly how I reacted.

You didn't tell me I'd have to fight a spider for it.

I think the whole thing's gross.

Oh, I don't know. It's probably not as bad as some things.

Like what?

Like losing the last of your allowance.

Ha, ha, ha, gin.

What? Oh.

Tommy, what was that?

49 points.

Not that.

That. That knocking.

Well, I don't know.

Opportunity?

If this takes any longer, I'm going to lose this debate by default.

That Andrew Silver is probably gloating already.

Tom, there'll be a lot of people late because of the storm.

Oh, yeah, sure, but they don't have to climb up on that stage like me. I know.

It's lonely at the top.

Wet enough, you folks?

Great weather for ducks, though, eh?

And turkeys.

I insist.

I thought you would.

Everyone

going

to the arena?

Oh, great. I love a big crowd.

They're nice to visit, but did you ever try to live with one?

Hey. What's up?

I think we're stuck.

Well, somebody's certainly going to hear about this. Oh, you bet they are.

Help!

Help!

Oh, well, settle down. It's going to be great.

I tried to warn you.

You had a match of bad luck.

I was trying to conserve energy.

What are we going to do when all the candles are used up?

Only the shadow knows.

Susan, don't do that. Would you relax, Joanie? It's only a power failure.

Don't mind Joanie. She's just a little bit psyched out.

Yeah.

I thought I sent you for the flashlight.

Yeah, well, I couldn't find the flashlight, and I couldn't find any

candles, but these are great for quick trips to the bathroom.

Ouch. What are you going to do, play the piano?

Oh, man.

Well, troops, this is all we've got, so choose your weapon.

Well, um, can I have the... Well, how about... Um, wait a minute.

What happens now?

I don't know about you guys, but I have to study for quizzes.

Oh, come on, guys. Splitsville.

Yeah, how about Splitsville? Be cool. Just another phrase from a fabulous 50s

movie.

Oh, my cup's running over.

You call me corny. You are corny.

Want me to quiz you on that?

Maybe later, Joanie. I've still got two chapters to read.

Oh, I can wait.

Joanie, are you afraid to go back to your room or something?

I really can't concentrate with you staring at me like that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, sure, no problem.

No problem.

It's not exactly what I had in mind.

I'll take a hint.

Alas, poor Yorick.

I knew him well.

I wonder if she'll ever just leave the room without an exit line.

Susan?

Well, York, I guess it's just the two of us.

Oh.

Don't go away. I'll be right back.

That wasn't very funny.

Who is it?

Somebody at the door?

Yeah, I guess so.

Oh, well, could you get it? I have to find this better. Susan, how do we know

who it is?

We open the door and find out.

Dirty cat.

Uh, yeah?

Is this Nancy Bradford's residence?

Yeah, it is, but she's not home right now. She's at her new job.

Oh, I see.

We were supposed to have a date tonight.

Well, come on in. We can't let you drive.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Oh, hi. I'm Susan Bradford, and this is my sister, Joni.

You look really familiar.

Have we met somewhere before?

I don't think so.

I haven't even met Nancy.

This is a blind date.

I could swear that I've seen you somewhere before.

I guess I just have one of those faces.

Yeah.

My name is Norman.

Your name is Norman.

Which doesn't exactly prove he's a demented murderer.

I'm not saying that he is a demented murderer. I'm saying that he looked like

one. He looked just like Anthony Perkins did in Psycho.

Joanie, a guy can't help the way that he looked.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

He can't help it. And he can't help that his name's Norman.

Yeah, I know.

He can't help it. It's so creepy outside.

Right.

Dad's not home.

Or that the lights are out.

Or that you're reassuring me.

Just the way Janet Leigh reassured herself.

Right before the stabbing.

Miss Bradford.

Oh, Mr. Alfred, it's you.

For a minute there, I thought you were... Oh, never mind.

May I offer you a ride home?

Oh, that's very nice of you. But my brother David's going to pick me up any

minute. I trust he will, Miss Bradford.

You'll need a good night's rest.

Business always picks up in weather like this.

Gee, I never thought of it that way.

You will in time, Miss Bradford.

Good evening, Miss Bradford.

So you're originally from Hartford, huh?

Originally.

Sacramento must be quite a change.

Yeah.

Did you ever think of moving back?

Never.

See, that's $11 .45 plus the $8 .32 from the triple blitz. That comes to... I

don't want to know.

19 big ones and 77 centavos. You're in big trouble.

Elizabeth, Tommy, this is Nancy's date, Norman.

Hi. Hi.

Hello.

Hey, you came out in this? What are you driving, a narc?

Well, Norman, I would just love to sit around and talk about Hartford, but I've

got saddle shoes to find.

See you around the quad.

So,

you're

originally from Hartford?

Originally.

Well, Sacramento must be quite a change.

Now, if I were a pair of saddle shoes, where would I be?

All right, one down, one to go.

What a drag.

Somebody!

Three long, three shorts, and three longs. No, sir, you're wrong. SOS is

shorts, three longs, and three shorts.

It doesn't matter anyway because nobody's going to hear us, and we're

to have to wait until they find us. Well, I hope they've already started.

Don't worry, folks. They can't hold their debate without the winner.

I don't see how I can lose.

You... You what?

Population control is my speciality. Now, this guy Bradford I'm up against is

some nut with eight kids.

You're Andrew Silver.

Oh, my pleasure, Mrs... Bradford. Bradford.

Bradford.

Oh, then you must be... The nut with the eight kids.

If you're heading for the kitchen, I could sure use the...

I

feel like Nancy Drew.

This pussy's a booby trap.

He didn't do anything, Joanie. I tripped on that flashlight.

I think I sprained my ankle.

Lucky you didn't break your neck.

Mayor, I think we should do something about this ankle.

Yeah, well, I still...

Take the swelling down, and I left some scissors and bandages in the station

wagon. Would you get them, please? Oh, sure. I'll get my coat. Thank you.

Help, please.

What happened? I sprained my ankle.

This isn't the late David Bradford. Oh, I see that your new job has improved

your sense of humor.

It isn't funny, David.

What took you so long?

The storm caught us by surprise. We had to lay tarps over everything.

You know, I have a blind date. He probably thinks I've stood him up.

Angie, every road is flooded. There's a major power failure.

People do not go out on the night like this.

Look, not everybody's afraid of a little water.

Who are you going out with, Donald Duck?

What a wise fucker.

Mission accomplished.

Why don't you let me take care of those?

I'm very good with my hands.

You're soaked.

What you need is a nice, hot shower.

A bath for some myself.

Thank you.

Oh, Tony! I'm sorry.

Way to go, Ace.

It's my fault again.

I think you forgot this.

Wow! There goes the Morgan's oak tree.

Did it hit anything else?

I can't see a thing.

You couldn't get me out of that for a million bucks.

No.

Johnny, you think my cousin's okay at the morgue?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, he and Irving are probably just telling ghost stories.

Yeah.

You know, maybe we'd better call over there just to make sure.

Yeah, Irving probably has him scared to death by now.

There's no answer.

You think something's wrong?

Yeah, with your dialing.

Probably got the wrong number.

The phone's dead.

It was working a minute ago. The lines are probably just down.

Or somebody cut them.

You forgot these.

Some secret agent.

Oh, it's only you.

Why don't you report back in, Agent NSB?

Irving, can you be Irving for a minute? I think we're in trouble.

What do you mean? It's going great.

Maybe for you it is. Except when my sister can walk again, she's going to

me. What happened?

Well, I dropped my flashlight and she strained her ankle on it.

You lost your flashlight?

Yeah, and I think that weird -looking guy has it. What weird guy?

know his name but he's tall dark creepy looking mysterious stranger

i bet the enemy has sent in agent i see you irving

better known as the silence

Duh, the wrong number, that's all.

Yeah, maybe some wires got crossed.

Look, Nicholas is fine.

He's at the Moors and there's nothing to worry about.

I guess we'll just have to wait out the storm.

Right.

I wonder what's keeping Nancy.

Well, I thought David was supposed to pick her up.

You don't think they're in trouble, do you?

Look, I think we're all going to be in trouble if we start thinking thoughts

like that.

Yeah, Mary's right.

I mean, it doesn't pay to worry.

Can you run me?

Okay, but only if I get a handicap.

Well, since I've already got one, would you guys do me a favor and get my books?

You got it, Hopalong.

Maybe anatomy will get my mind off my foot.

Does anybody have a transistor radio?

That's a good idea.

Yeah. Yeah, Susan has one. I only haven't seen it in a long time.

Too bad.

Come to think of it, I haven't seen Susan in a long time.

Help me!

Somebody, please, get me out of here! What do you say?

What do you say?

Says who?

The fact. speak for themselves, Mr. Bradford.

Statistics? Don't call them what you like, but they point to one inevitable

conclusion. Really? What is that?

That if life is to continue, there must be no more children. Oh, really? Well,

if there were no more children, there would be no more life.

Figures don't lie, Mr. Bradford. People are our future, not statistics.

Oh, and do you have any proof of that?

Yes, as a matter of fact. I do. I have living proof.

I'll start with David.

He's my oldest.

Oh, no. With all the detours I've taken, I think I've got a thought. Oh,

terrific. And I have a blind date waiting for me at home?

Hey, what are you waiting for?

Oh, no.

David?

Can't you forget to stop and forget?

So what are we supposed to do now? Sit around here and hope somebody finds us?

No, I got us into this. I'll get us out.

We can't be too far from help.

Be careful.

Don't worry about me.

I've always been a terrific swimmer.

Careful!

You'll be okay.

I couldn't find Susan's radio, but I did find Nicholas's.

Amy Carter said of her father's Camp David announcement, swell.

On the local front, several areas of Sacramento have experienced the loss of

electrical services due to storm damage to at least one power station.

And this word just in from authorities at Folsom Prison. They report that a

prisoner has successfully escaped from the institution and is presumably still

in the Sacramento area.

The prisoner is described as 28 years old, dark hair.

six feet tall and slender.

These aren't dangerous.

Do not, under any conditions, attempt to detain this man yourself.

And now back to sunny music on a rainy evening.

National and escaped prisoner go out on a night like this.

Yeah. Six foot, dark, slender, 28 years old.

Not a very good description.

Nope. Could fit just about anybody.

Yeah. Even if it's Norman's description.

Hey, that's funny.

All right, maybe we should tell Norman about that.

Maybe we shouldn't tell him about it.

Maybe we should just forget the whole thing.

Yeah, why don't we try forgetting it over a nice game of gin?

Have any of you guys seen Susan?

No, not in a while.

Look, I hope you don't think I'm being paranoid, but I think it's really

that she disappeared right after Norman got here.

You're right.

You are being paranoid.

Come on, maybe Susan just went out.

Sure, Susan enjoys doing weird things like wandering around in rainstorms.

Really. And there are a lot of weird things that have happened here tonight.

Such as?

That.

Well, the wind probably blew it open.

I know that door was locked.

Tommy.

Okay, okay, I'll close it.

Hey, it's no big deal.

Good work, Agent NXP.

our next move from here. But you said if I get us back in, we'll surrender.

And let the silencer take over?

Irving.

Repeat your oath, Agent NXB.

Irving, not now.

Okay, go ahead. Turn yourself in.

Chicken.

You try these tortures and enemy attacks.

A secret agent never cracks.

Someone there?

What's wrong?

I heard a scream.

Who did hit the knife?

Second drawer.

Well, who was it?

That was the face of a madman.

Are you implying that I'm crazy?

I saw a strange man in that house.

Look, Dr. Maxwell, those Bradfords are all a little strange.

This was not a Bradford. This was a man with glazed eyes and a knife in his

hands. Are you sure you had the right house?

I had excellent vision.

Now, when I saw that Tom's car was not in the driveway, I decided to check on

the kids. That's a darn good thing I did, too.

Yeah, we've been hearing from a lot of helpful people tonight.

You know how many were false alarms?

Do you know what I want, Officer Bernstein?

Steen. Bernstein.

Steen. Do you know what I want, Officer Bernstein? I want some action, and I

want it now.

Okay, okay, take it easy. You'll get your action just as soon as I can get us

squad car.

Do we have any squad cars?

Want a limousine?

I'm sure she's okay.

Things are getting very weird, you know? All right, now, Elizabeth, just calm

down. We don't need anyone panicking around here.

All right, whoever you are, give yourself up.

Nicholas, what are you doing here?

Hiding. Why?

Because you're not supposed to see secret agents.

Nicholas, do you mean to tell me that you have been playing in this house all

night? Yeah, pretty good undercover work, huh?

You were doing all the tapping. You blew out my candle. You were the one that

left the flashlight on the stairs. Nicholas, how could you be so

Irving, your parents are going to be scared stiff.

No, I told them I'd be here.

I think here is such a good place to be.

I feel much more safe upstairs.

Yeah, come on.

Oh, boy.

I think we should barricade the door. Oh, don't be ridiculous.

There's only one of him and seven of us.

Well, almost.

I guess you're still pretty mad, huh?

I'm sorry you got hurt. It was just a dumb game.

Haven't you got to that part in medical school where you can fix strained

ankles?

Nicholas is going to be okay.

You're all mine.

Be back.

Now, how do you view the tactical situation?

Tactical situation?

Yes. Do we get with sirens and bullhorns?

No, Doctor. I was thinking about trying something a little different.

Tear gas?

Well, actually, I was thinking about ringing the fun doorbell.

Doorbell?

Oh.

I think somebody beat us to it.

Free! Spread out!

What's going on here?

Power, for one thing.

Oh, all right. Oh, thank goodness.

Hey, look, you guys are whole blocks back on. Well, at least we don't have to

worry about the prowler anymore.

Hey. Hey, Elsa, you guys, I think the cops just busted him. Yeah, all right.

Nicholas may be a little young yet to be choosing his life's work, but he could

make a great contribution someday.

He might very well be the one that could solve this whole population problem.

He was my eighth child, Mr. Silver.

What if he's the one with the answer?

But then what if he was never born?

All right, Bradford, you win.

You concede?

You warn me out?

All right.

The light.

Not a moment too soon.

The winner.

All I saw was this figure. I didn't know who it was.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Now, let me see if I got this straight.

Now, the guy that was trying to break in through the front is the brother.

I'm David.

How do you do?

And the guy who is trying to break in through the back is the family doctor.

Yes, we've met.

I know, I know.

And the guy who is running around with a knife is...

Just exactly who are you?

Norman. I had a date with Nancy.

Though I'm beginning to doubt she exists.

Who's Nancy?

I am.

Hey, you guys. Nancy.

Do you remember Norman?

Norman.

Norman, I need your address for my report.

573 Ashley.

Ashley. Sacramento.

What's your phone number?

555 -6023.

Thank you.

Excuse me, officer.

Nancy, can I talk to you a minute? Sure, I'll be right back.

Sure.

Nancy,

I really don't think you ought to be going out with that guy.

With him? No, no, with him.

Oh, why not?

Because he's really kind of strange.

Besides, he's not your type. I think he's kind of cute.

You do?

Mm -hmm.

Kind of reminds me of a young Anthony Perkins.

That is Dr. Maxwell.

Any messages for me?

Max.

Tom. What are you doing here? What happened?

Listen, there's actually nothing to panic about. That's easy for you to say.

You're not the father.

Let's go.

What in heaven's name is going on here?

Oh, I strained Mary's ankle.

What? But Dr. Max said it'll be as good as new. Dad, it happened after the

lights went out.

Excuse me, I just noticed that there are seven more or less intact Bradfords.

Where is number eight?

Susan! Nobody ever found Susan!

Found? How can you lose your sister?

Take it easy, Mr. Bradford. I'll handle this.

When was the last time that you saw this Susan person?

Right after he got here.

So as far as you know, she's still here in the house.

Then how come we haven't seen her for hours?

I don't know.

She said something about looking for saddle shoes.

What's saddle shoes?

Saddle shoes.

Girls used to wear them in the olden days.

Olden days?

Wait a minute.

Are there any doors in the house with any tricky locks or latches?

I got it. I bet I know where Susan is.

Enemy headquarters!

Come on!

What?

Nicky, what?

You got locked in.

I left the phone asleep.

Did I miss anything?

And

you

should have seen his face when I told him that the problems of tomorrow would

solved by the Nicolases of today.

You know, for someone who hates public speaking, you were positively eloquent.

Oh, yeah? Well, it wasn't exactly public, but it was a big step for me.

I cannot believe we're having things that are unfortunate.

That seems to run in the family.

Well, I was sorry. I apologized to Norman three times.

But the point is, you've got to conquer your own fear before it conquers you.

Tom, it's your publisher, Mr. Randolph. Apparently, Mr.

Silver told him how impressive you were. Oh, yes. He's, uh...

Probably calling to congratulate me. Oh, not exactly. He wants to know if he'll

speak at the press club Thursday night on children or hope for the future.

Oh, no. Tell him I can't. What's the matter, Dad?

Scared? Yeah. What happened to conquering your fear?

No, it's not that. It's just that I'm too busy.

Raising the hope of the future is a full -time job.