All language subtitles for Eight Is Enough s03e18 Inlaws and Outlaws

I don't belong in this family.

What? Why not?

I just don't fit.

Oh, we all feel that way sometimes,
Nicholas.

You know, the more I think about it, the
more I think I was adopted.

Adopted? No, you weren't, Nicholas. I
remember the day you were born into this

family. Yeah, and Dad took us all down
to the hospital so we could stand around

and gawk at you.

Boy, were you wrinkled.

Wrinkled? Nah, I was never wrinkled.

Oh, yes, you were. We saw you.

Well... And I didn't know it was really
me.

Because the nurse said it was you.

Well, maybe the nurse made a mistake.
Maybe she pointed it out to the wrong

baby. And I really belong in some other
family where I'm the oldest.

Hey, Nicholas.

Yeah?

Maybe you're right.

I mean, maybe the hospital did make a
mistake and they did switch babies.

And you're not really Nicholas Bradford.
You're just some other girl.

A girl?

Oh, sure. I mean, if you're not who you
are, then there's a 50 -50 chance that

you're just a girl.

There's a magic in the early morning we
found.

When the sunrise smiles on everything
around.

It's a portrait of the happiness that we
feel and

always will.

Oh, it is enough to fill our lives.

Oh, we spend our days like bright and
shiny new dimes.

If we're ever puzzled by the changing
times.

There's a plate of homemade wishes on
the kitchen

windowsill.

And eight is enough to fill our lives.

Isn't that nice? Oh, this means you're
going to tell me something that I can't

handle standing up. You're being
paranoid.

No, it's just experience.

What is it, emergency orthodontia, a
crumple fender, or did Nicholas elope?

None of the above.

My mother's coming to visit tomorrow.

Oh, I'd rather have Nicholas elope.

Didn't we just get through visiting with
your parents?

It was Thanksgiving.

Oh, that's right. Now I remember. I was
thankful when they left. Well, you'll be

pleased to know it's not today. My
father is not coming.

Oh, well, you should have given me that
for openness. You should have said, Tom,

guess what? My father isn't going to
visit us. That would have made my day.

You know, I can't figure out how he let
her leave Pasadena without him. It's

their first separate vacation in 36
years of marriage.

Wow, I admire her stamina.

I need a vacation from your father after
36 seconds.

You really shouldn't be so hard on him,
you know.

You are a potential father -in -law
eight times over.

Me, your father -in -law, an in -law?

Never. You know, why did Nancy have to
take an apartment?

It's times like this I really miss her.
Why Nancy?

I mean, what about Joanie and Susan?

Not at times like this. See, Joanie and
Susan slice carrots just the same way

you do.

And Nancy doesn't?

Well, she slices them the long way so
you can use the carrots to put salad on

your fork.

Does that kind of hit?

Well, it is if we're having salad.

How long will it be here long enough to
spoil your routine?

Is that a guarantee?

Well, it's practically ironclad. You
see, I'm sure the first day he's here,

Dad's going to call and have her fly
right back home because not having her

there is going to spoil his routine too
much. Okay, you sold me. I guess you do

deserve a little mother -daughter visit,
right? You are so good to me. She

really does, Dad.

And now at least we have a room for
Grandma Catherine.

Oh, well, Nicholas, see, I was thinking
that Grandma Catherine could move into

Johnny and Susan's old room and that
Tommy could move back in with you. Is

okay? Good idea. No matter what Tommy
says, I still think he's afraid to sleep

alone. Tommy is afraid to sleep alone?

No, Dad, Nicholas is scared to sleep
alone.

And Tommy's going to hate the idea of
giving up his new room.

Oh, not if his father talks him into it.
Huh? Why me?

Well, because I just had to face your
grumbling, so now you can face Tommy's

grumbling.

Oh, boy, David, now we owe you for two
quarts of milk and for four dozen eggs

and three loaves of that sprouted wheat
bread.

Forget it. No, no, no, David. No, we're
going to pay you back on Nancy's payday,

plus five eggs interest.

We don't have to do that.

Yeah, we do have to do that. David, do
you remember how you felt about

charity and everything when you got your
first place?

Yeah, I remember.

And in that case, your interest will be
seven eggs. Oh, David, that's usury. No,

that's respect for your independence.

Tell me, David, how long does it take
till independence comes without hunger?

Don't you think you're exaggerating a
little, Susan? It's not hunger. It's

shaky nutrition.

I know what you're going through.

My first two months in my own apartment,
I lost six pounds.

Yeah, but at least you didn't have to
stand in line for your own bath. Well,

face it, girls.

I didn't try to gain my independence
with two sisters along, and I didn't

to support three people on one and two
-thirds jobs. Oh, David, don't get the

wrong idea. We're not complaining.

It's...

We're going to get organized.

Hey, and listen, if you're talking to
Dad, we already are organized, and

never seen him so happy. Exactly. Tell
him that he can really be proud of us.

Please?

Hey! The thing's busted!

No, Tommy, we were here too long, just
like the meter Molly said.

Whose side are you on, anyway?

Mine! I'm tired of getting a ticket
every time I ride with you. Well, what

your ticket? What about them? You've got
12 this month, and I only got two.

Yeah, if my van was running, you
wouldn't know how many I have. I think

car's a jinx. Yeah.

Hey, do you think we ought to tell him
the bad news together or separate?

Together. And wait till he owes us
something. That way we can negotiate.

Well, he better owe us something quick,
because at this rate, we're going to

need a wheelbarrow to carry in our
tickets and two stretchers to carry us

This calls for a toast.

Milk all around.

Wait a minute there, David Bradford.
You're being awfully generous with our

milk. This is a celebration, and ten
minutes ago it was my milk. Oh, okay,

we'll count your glass as part of the
payback.

Cheapskate. Survivor. Oh, forget it,
Susan.

Once I get my new job, we'll throw away
the budget and we'll have guests every

night. All right.

Hey, when do you start, Nancy?

Well, they haven't said, but I figure
I'll find out at the interview.

The interview?

You mean it's not a firm offer?

No. But you guys know how great I am at
getting the jobs I go after, right?

True, true. No one has more experience
at job interviews than you.

David, I knew you had confidence in me.

That's why I figured you'd lend me your
truck.

It's not a truck, and it's not available
for job interviews.

Well, then how am I going to get clear
across Sacramento during my lunch hour?

Well, you could ask Dad to use the
station wagon. Yeah?

Are you kidding?

He won't approve of my changing jobs
again.

Well, you just have to pick the right
way to ask them, Nance. Yeah.

Use a little strategy.

No, no, wait, wait, wait.

Everybody just stay where you are. Your
father has something of great importance

to discuss with Thomas.

Huh? Oh.

Well, I was waiting for the proper
moment, you know. Um, Dad, Tommy had two

desserts. I don't think you're going to
find a righter moment.

Uh, Dad, Elizabeth and I thought we'd
stand together on this. I think I just

decided to stand separately.

Coward.

Will someone please tell me what we're
talking about?

It's not easy to find out. Thing is how
your father keeps avoiding the issue.

No, I'm not avoiding the issue.

Well, then bite the bullet and break the
bad news.

Uh, bad news for one should be bad news
for all.

Well, that's right, Tommy. I knew you
would be upset, you know, so I wanted to

handle this more delicately.

But, uh, all right, here goes.

Uh, guess what?

Abby's mother is coming to visit us, and
we want her to stay in your room.

My room?

Yes, but Abby guarantees it'll just be
for one night.

Maybe two nights, right, Abby?

Good idea. And you won't have to sleep
alone.

Oh, sure, Dad. It's my pleasure.

You're smiling.

Oh, it's because I want to help.

Elizabeth, dishes.

Amazing.

Maybe he's growing up.

Maybe he is afraid to sleep alone.

I told you.

Poor little shrimp.

Dad is about to owe me a favor,
Elizabeth, and I'm going to remember

finked out.

Well, you would, too, if you'd seen
this. Look.

What is it?

It's a note that Dad got as legal owner
of the station wagon. Fortunately, I

intercepted it.

Dad owes $170 in parking tickets? Yeah,
and I wasn't in the mood for $170 worth

of yelling.

Well, somebody else must be getting
tickets on the station wagon besides us.

Who? Who cares?

All I know is that Dad is going to yell
the leaps at the people he owes the most

favors to.

From now on, Elizabeth, it's every
Bradford for himself.

Oh, Grandma Catherine!

How nice to see you. How's your flight
in from Pasadena? Oh, here, let me take

this. Oh,

you'll be staying in my room. When I
heard you were coming, I just said, take

it, please. Anything to help.

Mom, I bought you your favorite tea and
those little cookies that you break your

diet for.

That's sweet of you, dear, but I think
what I really need is a nap. You know

flying tires me.

You've always thrived on flying.

Oh, I'll feel fine by dinner.

Don't worry.

You know, Mom, I have half a mind to
call Dad to see how long you've been

looking so tired.

Oh, no, Abby.

Your father's business trip was very
indefinite. I have no idea where he is.

And even if I did, there's no reason to
worry him. Believe me.

Tommy, would you show me to my room? Oh,
my pleasure, yeah.

All afternoon?

You haven't seen Catherine all
afternoon?

She asked me not to disturb her, and she
locked the door.

Oh, well, this is your house. I mean, if
you're really concerned, you can unlock

the door. Oh, sure.

She's my mother.

Every time I think of disobeying her, I
feel like a six -year -old kid.

I know the feeling, but this house is
already well -stocked with children.

If your mother is really ill, we've got
to start making some grown -up

decisions. Well, I don't think she's
ill, exactly.

Then what?

Oh, maybe she's... Maybe she's just
disturbed about being away from my

don't know. We can't have any more
guesswork. Why don't you go up, tell

mother to come down, say hello to me.
We'll have a little chat before dinner.

You'll be nice.

Well, you'll have to settle for totally
charming.

Mother?

Yes, dear.

Did you get your nap?

My nap?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, yes, I suppose I did.

Um, Tom's downstairs, and I was
wondering if maybe you'd like to come

say hello?

Would you just hate me if I didn't?

No, Mom.

Um, of course I wouldn't hate you.

You could just, uh, wait and come down
at dinner.

I'm not really hungry.

I'll just see everybody at breakfast.

Mom, are you all right?

That airport was so drafty, I think
maybe I caught a little cold, and I'll

sleep it off. Now, don't worry.

Mother. There is no need to get upset,
Abby.

No need at all.

Yes, Mother.

Daddy, your message is finally getting
through to me.

I don't think I am ready for a better
paying job.

You finally convinced me.

I'm inadequate.

Oh, no, no. I never intended to destroy
your self -confidence.

That's all right, Daddy.

I can be content with my humble lot. No
Bradford is content with humble.

Well, I have to be, Dad. You see, I
couldn't get to the interview even if I

up to it.

I don't have a car.

Oh, please, don't worry about that. I'll
work out the transportation.

You just start feeling good about
yourself. And you're a very talented

Nancy. Yeah, you're the best carrot
slicer in old Sacramento.

You guys!

You guys!

It worked!

It worked!

I got the station wagon for the
interview.

Aren't you going to congratulate me?

Nope, you should congratulate us.

What for?

Not throwing hysterical fits and not
shooting the landlady. Why would I want

congratulate you for that stuff?

Because we considered doing both of
those things very carefully.

A friend's been raised starting first.

Oh, no.

How much?

Eighty dollars.

Well, that's impossible.

That's right.

Eighty impossible dollars.

I'm going to lose you, Cartman.

See,

that's 505. Forget it.

I'll quit school and get a full -time
job.

Oh, no, you won't. You did it.

That's because I didn't have a dropout
sister who could tell me what I was

getting myself into and who would pull
my hair out even if I considered it.

Oh, boy.

Well, we can get a new roommate and
share expenses.

Oh, no, she'd have to share the bathroom
and she'd mess up our private date

nights. Yeah, and where would she sleep,
in the kitchen or in the closet?

Well, you guys tell me where we're going
to get another $80.

My expediter's job.

If you get it. I'll get it, I'll get it.

I hope so.

You know, it just bothers me, Nancy,
that the two of us are depending on you

having a full -time job just to keep the
apartment.

It doesn't seem fair.

Yeah, I'd sure feel a whole lot better
if I was working full -time at the

daycare center.

Oh, yeah, or I was full -time at the
theater.

Don't worry.

I mean, you can help me.

Help? Well, for one thing, you can tell
me what an expediter does.

Hi.

Is your mother coming down for
breakfast?

No, I'll take her a trick.

Are you playing a trick on me or
something? Your mother arrived yesterday

afternoon. I still haven't seen her.

Actually, this is the nicest visit we've
ever had.

Don't make fun.

She really worries me. Oh, I'm sorry. Do
you think that I should call Dr. Max

and see if he can squeeze her in for a
checkup? I don't know what to think. I

just wish I could talk to Dad.

Well, I'm sure he'll call.

I'm sure he will.

What do you think? Do you like this one
or this one? This one.

Oh.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Mm -hmm.

Joanie, you said that picking you up
wasn't out of my way. I'm sorry. I

you said your interview was on East
Broadway.

Well, you're just going to have to come
with me until it's over. Oh, but they're

expecting me at 12 .15. Joanie, what is
more important, your costume fitting or

us keeping the apartment? I know.
It's... I don't believe it. Oh, Matthew,

shouldn't have parked it in a red zone.

Every time I take Dad's car out, I get a
ticket.

Yeah, face it, man. Dad's station
wagon's a jinx. I got a few myself.

Would you tell him? I didn't.

Me neither.

I figured, why worry him?

Yeah, right.

Why worry him?

Hey, guys, howdy.

Hey,

uh, Nance, it's okay. There's plenty of
other new jobs you can get. Yeah.

What about old jobs?

What about them?

Well, a parking ticket made Nancy late
for getting to a new job interview.

And my costume fitting made her late
getting back to her old job. So they

me. They can't do that.

Oh, can't they?

Oh, how can we live?

I was sleeping with what?

Starbucks. Why didn't you say something
last night?

Well, I forgot that's where I spilled my
collection.

Poor Will, I'd be glad to get back into
my own private room.

Really? Really.

You know, I was kind of hoping you'd
remember how nice it was when... When

When you didn't have to sleep alone.

I know how much you hate it.

Come on, Nicholas, you might as well
admit it. You're the one that hates to

sleep alone.

You mean people know that?

Sure, the whole family knows.

Boy, what a shock.

You'll get over it.

Yeah, I guess so.

Tommy, I think I'd get over it more,
though, if you didn't have to move out

Grandma Catherine went home.

You want to sleep with somebody?

Here, sleep with your friends.

Let's face it, you guys.

We are just going to have to find a
smaller apartment.

What? You mean sleep three to a bedroom?

Oh, no way. It was better at home.

What? Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, forget that I said that. I raised
that from your consciousness, too.

Cancel. No, Susan, really, I'm glad you
said that. I mean, it was better at

home. And maybe we ought to think about
moving back with Dad and Abby.

Nancy, what are you saying? That kind of
talk is subversive and defeated.

Really, do you want a four -hour lecture
from Tom Bradford on I Told You So?

Look, I'd prefer a four -hour lecture to
eviction notice.

Come on, you guys. Let's be mature
adults about this.

Number one, we could barely pay for the
old rent.

Two, we couldn't afford the new rent
even when I was employed.

And three, well, we don't have any
privacy around here.

I mean, not really.

And four, well, we're over there all the
time anyway.

And five,

I kind of miss the family.

Well, I do.

Yeah.

I guess I do kind of miss Nicholas.

Me too, especially when he's hassling
Tommy.

Yeah.

Oh, remember how Mary and I used to have
all those long talks in the middle of

the night?

Well, I miss everybody.

Well, okay.

Okay. It's just I hate to crawl back
home with our tail between our legs.

Yeah.

What if they wouldn't take us?

Oh, come on, Joanie.

They'll take us.

I wouldn't be so sure.

Wait a minute, you guys. What if Dad
takes advantage of our position and

to enforce some intolerable conditions
like date control, curfew?

Susan's right. I mean, if we go back,

we can't go back begging.

Definitely. You mean you guys might
consider it? Well, only as a highly...

improbable possibility that we could
casually explore.

Yeah, just to cover our bases, you know,
feel dead out.

Yeah, check it out. It's the last
desperate measure.

Right, right, right.

Tomorrow?

What about tonight?

This laundry room is occupied, okay? You
guys have been in here so much that

this is the first chance that the washer
I've had in six, count them, six days.

Okay, okay, relax, Mary. We just came to
talk to Dad. Yeah.

Oh.

High finance.

Hi, Dad.

You finance a loan?

No, Mary, it's not that at all. No, no,
it's nothing like that, Mary. We are

totally against subsidies and charity.

David was against them, too.

And four loans.

Oh, boy. Mary, if you don't stop putting
us down, we just might forget it, you

know. Really?

I wasn't putting you down, Susan, and
forget what?

Well... Well,

Mary, we've been thinking... You know,
it's probably kind of cruel of us to be

deserting Dad in his time of need.

Huh? Yeah, yeah, Mary.

Middle age is a real crisis, you know,
and...

A person going through it like Dad is,
well, he needs to be supported and

surrounded by the people that he loves.
And what brought about this sudden

concern for Dad's welfare, besides your
empty refrigerator?

Our refrigerator had nothing to do with
it, Mary.

Absolutely not.

Living on our own has just made us more
mature and aware of our family

responsibilities. Exactly.

Exactly, Susan. I couldn't have put it
better.

Okay, Susan.

I think I understand what you guys are
driving at.

Terrific.

How do you think Dad will take it?

I know he misses you guys an awful lot.

So if I were you, I'd tell him exactly
what you just told me.

Oh, well, good.

Good, we will.

Where is he?

Upstairs.

Upstairs.

Oh, Tom, I so hate to impose this way.

Oh, Catherine, you're never imposing.

Abby's house is your house, you know
that.

Do you really mean that? Oh, Mom, of
course he means that. You belong here.

could never impose.

Would you please tell me what's wrong?

It's so hard to say.

I'm going to need all your warm welcome
and your understanding.

I've left your father.

I've decided to get a divorce.

Hi. Oh, hello, girls. I didn't even
realize you were here. I was just going

get Abby some coffee. Um, could we talk
to you a minute, Dad? Yeah, Dad, we've

been real concerned about you lately,
and we have a suggestion that we think

will make your life a whole lot happier.
Really?

That's good. I could use your help.

You really could?

Yeah.

Abby is upstairs in our room crying, and
her mother is in your old room.

She's crying.

Tell you, the whole second floor is a
real disaster area.

Why, Dad? What happened?

Well, I guess I might as well tell you.

Abby's mother and father are getting a
divorce.

Oh, no, Daddy, they couldn't.

Catherine and Harry after 36 years?

Why, Daddy?

I don't know.

I guess they don't even know the reason
why. These things just happen even after

36 years.

Even in Pasadena.

Why, Grandma Catherine really must feel
terrible.

She does.

I think Abby feels even worse.

Anyway, you girls are a real comfort to
me right now.

Hey, Dad, that's what we wanted to talk
to you about.

You don't have to talk about it.

Just realizing that you've become grown
up is enough.

I beg your pardon?

Well, it looks like Catherine's going to
have to move into the house, and it's

going to make things kind of tense, and
you don't realize how good I feel

knowing that you're mature and able
enough to look after things for

I've got to go now.

Abby needs that coffee.

Tom, wait.

Thank you.

Well, now at least we know why your
father didn't call.

Yeah, I should have known something was
wrong and we didn't hear from him.

Do you know he used to call Mom every
night from his office?

with a traffic report on the Pasadena
Freeway and an ETA on his

return to our driveway.

How could a man so dependable do this?

Do what? I mean, did your mother say
what happened?

No, she was too emotional to talk about
it.

I was too emotional to listen.

How could they just end 36 years?

I don't know. It must have been very
difficult for both of them.

That they were always so happy together,
you know.

I mean, they had their problems like
everybody, but they were always there

I needed them.

Together, my mom and my dad, you know.

I mean, if they hadn't, we hadn't had
such a happy family, I wouldn't have

wanted so much to be a part of this
family.

They're all one family now.

I'll work it out.

I just wanted to make sure, Tommy.

What do you think, I'm some kind of a
duncehead or something?

Dad's not up to hearing more bad news,
and I'm not up to telling it.

Well, what are you going to do about the
tickets?

Well, I have two choices.

Either I can wait till things settle
down, or I can think of something else,

whichever comes first.

Lots of luck.

really mean?

Well, if you're talking about Grandma
Catherine's divorce, it means I'm stuck

with you till I move away to college.

Oh, no. What does divorce really mean?

Well, it just means that two people
don't want to live together anymore.

Does that mean you want a divorce from
me?

Nah, you couldn't afford the alimony.

But, David, you don't understand.

We can't move home when Dad's depending
on us not to.

You guys are ignoring the obvious.

Oh, no, David, we couldn't move in with
you.

No, that's right, you can't. But Abby's
mother could move in here.

In here?

Sure. The rent would be no problem for
her. She could be close to Abby, and

there would be enough room for the three
of you to move back into the house.

David, you are a genius.

No, wait a minute, you guys. Hold the
applause.

Look, we don't know if Dad or Grandma
Catherine would buy it.

Oh, and if Dad gets any idea of how
desperate we are, he will treat us like

kindergarten kids for the rest of our
lives.

Do I have to do all your thinking for
you? Yes.

Now, look, what you do is you tell Dad
and Catherine that her moving in here is

the solution to all their problems.

Yeah? You think they'll believe that?

They'd rather sleep in a bus station.

Why didn't they tell me they have to
move home?

They're afraid you'll think they failed.

That they'll never hear the end of it.

Don't they know how much I miss them?

Right now they're too busy missing their
self -respect.

I see.

Dad, don't make them crawl.

Mary, don't tell me my job.

I understand you girls wanted to talk to
me. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Dad, we wanted to

talk to you about Grandma Catherine.

Oh, really? What about her? Oh, well,
uh, well, we've been thinking, Dad. I

mean, it's such a madhouse around here
and everything, and, uh, I mean, how can

Grandma Catherine go through such a
tragic time in her life without any

quiet or privacy?

On the other hand, Dad, I mean, Grandma
Catherine shouldn't have to go through

the hassle of looking for her own place.

Not when the perfect apartment is just
waiting for her.

That's right, Dad.

And under the dire circumstances, we've
decided that

we're willing to give our apartment to
Grandma Catherine.

Well, then where would you girls live?

I've got it.

They could live here.

Hey, that's a good idea. What do you
think, Dad, huh?

No, no, I can't accept your suggestion.

You can't? Dad. No, I just couldn't let
the three of you girls make that much of

a sacrifice.

Oh, Dad, don't think of us. Think of
Catherine.

Think of Abby. Think of yourself.

But it's what you've always wanted. I
mean, you're doing so well on your own.

I know, Dad, I know. But we're going to
have plenty of time in the future to

enjoy our independence, and I think that
now is the time for us to be

responsible members of the Bradford
family.

Well, it's a very mature and responsible
suggestion.

Thank you very much. You're even more
capable than I thought.

I'll talk to Catherine.

I couldn't have done better myself.

Probably not.

Harry is so stubborn.

He gets worse every year.

Has Abby talked to him?

Well, no. You said that Harry was away
on a business trip and couldn't be

reached. I lied.

Oh. I see.

Apparently he hasn't called.

He's probably too busy talking.

It's his favorite sport next to golf.

Well, if he does call, do you want to
talk to him?

Oh, no, Tom.

I can't look back.

I have to look ahead.

However, there doesn't seem to be very
much to look at.

The children are grown, never worked,
except it being Mrs. Harry Mitchell, and

apparently I didn't even do a very good
job of that.

It's not easy to discover that one is
totally useless.

Oh, no, Catherine, please don't say
that. I only came here because I'm in

desperate need of your help.

My help?

That's right.

Joanie, Susan, and Nancy have just found
out that it's much easier to declare

independence than to achieve it. They
want to move back home.

Oh, how terrible.

I picked the worst possible time to
bring my problems into this house.

No, no, no. You picked the best possible
time.

The girls need to save face, so now they
are offering you their apartment in

your time of need, which is really their
time of need, which is our secret.

How wonderful.

Then you'll do it? Oh, just tell me. I
haven't felt needed in months and

Thank you, Catherine.

Tom, thank you.

When I think of all of the
uncomplimentary things that Harry and I

about you... Really?

Well, I must confess, I may have said a
few uncomplimentary things about you and

Harry. In -law things.

In a lot of things.

Isn't it nice? It's all behind us.

We can be friends.

I'd like that.

Oh. Oh.

So heavy.

Oh, dear.

I'm in favor of lighter loads and more
trip.

You ever take all night to move back
home? Get it.

Oh.

Oh, no, you guys.

Look.

What's going on? We can park here.

Not on street cleaning day.

I wish you would talk to your mother
first. She specifically told me that she

didn't want to see your father. Oh, I
couldn't just let them suffer in

And when you told me Dad was in
Pasadena, well, I just had to call him.

besides, you should have told me you
were going to put my mother in an

apartment. I mean, Dad was shocked.

I'm sure you'll tell me precisely how
shocked he was. Why don't you pick him

at the airport? Because I have to
prepare Mom that he's coming. And these

anyway, you seem to have a lot better
way with him than I do. Oh, if you say

anything about our being contemporaries,
it'll be a double divorce.

Actually, I like to think of you as a
contemporarian. Nicholas.

Oh, keys. I forgot my keys.

Well, how is it going, girls? Fantastic,
Daddy.

Did you get Grandma Catherine moved in
the apartment?

Uh -huh. Oh, good. I hope you're all
settled back in your own rooms by the

I get back. Okay.

I expected Catherine to call.

Yeah, I know, but she sort of expected
you to call her.

Catherine gets more stubborn every day.

I wouldn't exactly open my negotiations
with that statement, Harry.

Well, there aren't going to be any
negotiations.

I'm only here because Abby seems to need
me.

What is it, Thomas?

Oh, I'll help you.

Thanks.

Anything wrong, officer?

You have a broken right taillight.

Oh, really? Well, I didn't know that. We
have a broken right taillight.

May I have your driver's license,
please? Oh,

shucks. Listen, officer, you're not
going to believe this.

I'll believe it.

It's in my other coat.

I'll have to check and make sure that
you really do have a driver's license.

want to give me your name and address?

Certainly. It's Thomas Bradford Sr.,
1436 Oak Street.

They should have known the family would
fall apart when I let Abby be

fascinated.

The only island of fantasy in the state
of California.

Captain deserved the squirrel cage you
live in. Oh, come on,

please, Harry. It's not a squirrel cage.

You the registered owner of this
vehicle?

Oh, yes.

Well, Mr. Bradford, you do have a
driver's license.

She also set a new Sacramento record for
parking tickets.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you
in.

Bradford, how can you possibly forget
$170 worth of parking tickets? I didn't

forget about them. I didn't even know
about these tickets.

Now, please understand, Sergeant, that
my client is quite obviously emotionally

upset. So I ask you to totally ignore
his understandable incoherence. Oh,

please, Harry, I am not your client, and
I'm not incoherent.

Incoherent! You see what I mean? I
suggest you let me handle this, Thomas.

Now, as my card indicates...

I am a senior partner in what is perhaps
the most respected law firm in

California. And it is my duty to warn
you, sir, that you are treading

dangerously close to the boundaries of
false arrest and character

Mister, I have not yet begun to tread.

Harry, I'm sorry. Sergeant, Harry,
please, be your own client. Sergeant,

look at the files for one moment,
please?

You should also know, sir, that we're
prepared to take this case of mistaken

identity to the United States Supreme
Court, where a former classmate of mine

now presides.

And if I don't get some cooperation
around here, you may be presiding right

permanently. Look at this, Sergeant. I
think I've solved the whole thing. It's

very obvious. Look, three of these
tickets were given at the medical

right? Three of them were at the Civic
Theater, and four of them were at Madam

Su Wang's Chinese food factory, and the
rest were all at the high school.

So? So all I need is one phone call, and
you need one very large cell.

Are these your tickets, Tommy?

Yes, sir.

How much, Sergeant?

Thirty -six dollars.

But I only have twelve.

How many days will he have to spend in
jail?

Tom, that's cruel.

No, it is not cruel because we will
visit him on the weekends.

Dad, you can't do this to us. Now we're
all totally broke.

Well, I'll pay their fines, Thomas.

No, Harry, you won't pay them because
you won't charge enough interest.

Interest? That's right, ten percent.

Now that you realize where careless
parking can lead you to, I will take

the sergeant here. Those of you unable
to pay will take care of me when we get

home. Are there any questions?

Yes. Thomas?

Harry, you're right.

It is a squirrel cage.

Boy, Grandma Catherine sure was lucky
she only had one suitcase that fit into

the apartment.

Yeah. How'd you get all this junk in
there anyway? It'll never fit in your

of the room again.

Elizabeth, I was meaning to ask you...

Do you really need all your closet?

Yes, and all of yours, too.

Oh, me? How much longer is this going to
take?

Oh, what about 90 % done? Look. If I
have to carry one more box, you're going

have to carry me.

Oh, cheer up, Susan. Come and get your
room insurance. What's room insurance?

Well, Dad wouldn't dare kick us out
until we paid him back all his parking

tickets, right? Oh, girl, boy, am I glad
I caught you before you finished,

because guess what big news? Your
grandfather's going to stay with us. Oh,

you're pulling our legs. Okay, you're
breaking our backs.

I'm sorry. It's just that he's having a
really hard time and he needs us. Well,

couldn't he need us from a hotel or
something? No, Nancy, he couldn't. Okay,

okay, Abby, I understand. But where are
you planning to put him?

Well, he deserves at least the same
treatment I gave my mom. Yeah. Your

Our room? Where are we going to sleep?

Well, Mary's volunteered her room to
share it. Oh, yeah, that means sharing

sleeping bags on the floor.

Well, I volunteer to help you move.
How's that? Oh, baby.

I said help.

That's all I say.

What do you expect me to do about it?
Well, talk to Abby, Dad. I mean, we gave

up our apartment for a mother, and now
her dad is in our room. I mean, we're no

person's land. No, no, no. Abby is well
aware of your sacrifices. She

appreciates very much what you're doing,
but what can she do?

Well, I've always heard the evils of
divorce, but this is ridiculous.

I mean, how can senior citizens act like
children?

I wish they were children. Then I could
handle it.

Wait a minute.

Oh, that's it.

Nancy, you're a genius.

She is?

Of course.

You guys just never noticed.

What did I say?

Do you remember when you two were little
and you would go without speaking a

word to each other?

Yeah, you'd make us sit next to each
other at the dinner table till we either

made up or starved. Oh, yeah.

I remember starving one time for 12
whole minutes.

Let's see if that record still holds.

More biscuits, Grandpa Harry?

No, thank you, Nicholas.

Tommy, would you please ask someone to
pass me a biscuit?

Oh, sure, Grandma. Nicholas, would you
pass the biscuits down here, please?

Here, Tommy, catch.

The behavior at this table is totally
unacceptable.

Not to mention Tommy and Nichols.

What is inexcusable is inviting people
to dinner without giving the people who

live here a chance to make other plans.

Well, Dad, I wish you'd calm down
because we were only trying to help.

It would have been more helpful if you
had given your invited guest an

opportunity to make her plan.

In fact, I... I've totally lost my
appetite, and I would appreciate it if

someone would drive me back to my
apartment. Mommy?

Oh, I'd like to, Grandma, but I'm
grounded until I pay my ticket. Yes.

As a matter of fact, the whole family is
grounded. On the same ground.

Well, maybe, Dad, you could drive Mother
to the apartment. You can use the

station wagon.

I'd prefer to walk.

Catherine Mitchell.

You are the one.

stubborn woman in America.

Why not?

I've been taking lessons from you for 36
years.

Oh, really?

Really.

Well, Dad, at least they're talking to
each other.

Wasn't it romantic?

Yes. When Grandma Catherine finally
agreed to let Grandpa Harry drive her

I could hear the violins. And did you
see the way Grandpa Harry held the door

open for her? I couldn't believe it. No,
a chivalry like that would come back.

Maybe even I'd run against the ERA.

That is what? Hey, do you think they'll
take a second honeymoon or head on back

to Pasadena? Ah, who cares? I just want
my old room back. Let's go, guys. Movie

day. All right. Yeah, all right. Thanks
a lot. Bye.

What else is new?

This means everyone's moving back to
where they belong.

All right.

Will someone else break the bad news,
the dog news? Oh, yeah, yeah, I will,

Nicholas. Would you open the door for
us, though? Yeah. It's a deal.

It's locked.

What do you mean it's locked? I always
lock my door.

Grandpa Harry, you're back.

Dad, what happened?

Well, obviously nothing, Abby.

What do you mean?

Oh, your mother's ridiculous.

She wouldn't even let me walk her to her
door.

That's too bad, Harry.

Bad? It's preposterous. Oh, poor Grandpa
Harry.

Does this mean you're going back to
Pasadena all alone?

No. It means I'll be staying on.

Staying on? How long?

Till I bring Catherine to her census.

A week? Two weeks?

The last time I courted your mother, it
took four years.

You're courting her?

Oh, dear.

It took four years, we heard.

Yes, four years.

And so I would appreciate it if you
would all endeavor to keep the noise

I'm not as young as I was then, and I
need my rest.

Oh, Mary's floor, here we come.

Susan, Johnny, I'm so sorry. Listen, we
didn't plan for it to turn out this way.

Oh, forget it, Daddy. When it's this
crazy around here, we know one thing for

sure. We're home!

Oh, that sounds good to me. Say it
again.

Joanie, I slept great. I just pretended
to convert to Japanese.

Try it tonight. It's all in the mind.
Oh, you know, it's all in the back.

Well, your father seems to be getting
asleep this week. Yeah, he didn't even

up to hog the bathroom this morning.

I told you you didn't have to worry.
I'll wake him up after you guys leave.

I'll get it. Oh, no, no, no. I'll get
it. You're indecently cheerful this

morning. And anybody that rings the
doorbell in the middle of breakfast

not be greeted by a smiling face.

All right, we hear you. We have ears,
you know.

Now, just what... Ah, Thomas.

I'm sorry. I seem to have misplaced my
key.

Dad, would you like some breakfast?

Oh, no, thank you.

I've had breakfast.

Good night.

He's your father. You better talk to
him. Why?

What will the kids think coming home at
breakfast?

What will your mother say?

Oh, she'll probably say that it's the
most fun she's had since she was

the last time.

So hang in there, you guys. Looks like
you're going to get your room back up

pretty soon. Yay!