Original subtitles

I don't belong in this family.

What? Why not?

I just don't fit.

Oh, we all feel that way sometimes, Nicholas.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I think I was adopted.

Adopted? No, you weren't, Nicholas. I remember the day you were born into this

family. Yeah, and Dad took us all down to the hospital so we could stand around

and gawk at you.

Boy, were you wrinkled.

Wrinkled? Nah, I was never wrinkled.

Oh, yes, you were. We saw you.

Well... And I didn't know it was really me.

Because the nurse said it was you.

Well, maybe the nurse made a mistake. Maybe she pointed it out to the wrong

baby. And I really belong in some other family where I'm the oldest.

Hey, Nicholas.

Yeah?

Maybe you're right.

I mean, maybe the hospital did make a mistake and they did switch babies.

And you're not really Nicholas Bradford. You're just some other girl.

A girl?

Oh, sure. I mean, if you're not who you are, then there's a 50 -50 chance that

you're just a girl.

There's a magic in the early morning we found.

When the sunrise smiles on everything around.

It's a portrait of the happiness that we feel and

always will.

Oh, it is enough to fill our lives.

Oh, we spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes.

If we're ever puzzled by the changing times.

There's a plate of homemade wishes on the kitchen

windowsill.

And eight is enough to fill our lives.

Isn't that nice? Oh, this means you're going to tell me something that I can't

handle standing up. You're being paranoid.

No, it's just experience.

What is it, emergency orthodontia, a crumple fender, or did Nicholas elope?

None of the above.

My mother's coming to visit tomorrow.

Oh, I'd rather have Nicholas elope.

Didn't we just get through visiting with your parents?

It was Thanksgiving.

Oh, that's right. Now I remember. I was thankful when they left. Well, you'll be

pleased to know it's not today. My father is not coming.

Oh, well, you should have given me that for openness. You should have said, Tom,

guess what? My father isn't going to visit us. That would have made my day.

You know, I can't figure out how he let her leave Pasadena without him. It's

their first separate vacation in 36 years of marriage.

Wow, I admire her stamina.

I need a vacation from your father after 36 seconds.

You really shouldn't be so hard on him, you know.

You are a potential father -in -law eight times over.

Me, your father -in -law, an in -law?

Never. You know, why did Nancy have to take an apartment?

It's times like this I really miss her. Why Nancy?

I mean, what about Joanie and Susan?

Not at times like this. See, Joanie and Susan slice carrots just the same way

you do.

And Nancy doesn't?

Well, she slices them the long way so you can use the carrots to put salad on

your fork.

Does that kind of hit?

Well, it is if we're having salad.

How long will it be here long enough to spoil your routine?

Is that a guarantee?

Well, it's practically ironclad. You see, I'm sure the first day he's here,

Dad's going to call and have her fly right back home because not having her

there is going to spoil his routine too much. Okay, you sold me. I guess you do

deserve a little mother -daughter visit, right? You are so good to me. She

really does, Dad.

And now at least we have a room for Grandma Catherine.

Oh, well, Nicholas, see, I was thinking that Grandma Catherine could move into

Johnny and Susan's old room and that Tommy could move back in with you. Is

okay? Good idea. No matter what Tommy says, I still think he's afraid to sleep

alone. Tommy is afraid to sleep alone?

No, Dad, Nicholas is scared to sleep alone.

And Tommy's going to hate the idea of giving up his new room.

Oh, not if his father talks him into it. Huh? Why me?

Well, because I just had to face your grumbling, so now you can face Tommy's

grumbling.

Oh, boy, David, now we owe you for two quarts of milk and for four dozen eggs

and three loaves of that sprouted wheat bread.

Forget it. No, no, no, David. No, we're going to pay you back on Nancy's payday,

plus five eggs interest.

We don't have to do that.

Yeah, we do have to do that. David, do you remember how you felt about

charity and everything when you got your first place?

Yeah, I remember.

And in that case, your interest will be seven eggs. Oh, David, that's usury. No,

that's respect for your independence.

Tell me, David, how long does it take till independence comes without hunger?

Don't you think you're exaggerating a little, Susan? It's not hunger. It's

shaky nutrition.

I know what you're going through.

My first two months in my own apartment, I lost six pounds.

Yeah, but at least you didn't have to stand in line for your own bath. Well,

face it, girls.

I didn't try to gain my independence with two sisters along, and I didn't

to support three people on one and two -thirds jobs. Oh, David, don't get the

wrong idea. We're not complaining.

It's...

We're going to get organized.

Hey, and listen, if you're talking to Dad, we already are organized, and

never seen him so happy. Exactly. Tell him that he can really be proud of us.

Please?

Hey! The thing's busted!

No, Tommy, we were here too long, just like the meter Molly said.

Whose side are you on, anyway?

Mine! I'm tired of getting a ticket every time I ride with you. Well, what

your ticket? What about them? You've got 12 this month, and I only got two.

Yeah, if my van was running, you wouldn't know how many I have. I think

car's a jinx. Yeah.

Hey, do you think we ought to tell him the bad news together or separate?

Together. And wait till he owes us something. That way we can negotiate.

Well, he better owe us something quick, because at this rate, we're going to

need a wheelbarrow to carry in our tickets and two stretchers to carry us

This calls for a toast.

Milk all around.

Wait a minute there, David Bradford. You're being awfully generous with our

milk. This is a celebration, and ten minutes ago it was my milk. Oh, okay,

we'll count your glass as part of the payback.

Cheapskate. Survivor. Oh, forget it, Susan.

Once I get my new job, we'll throw away the budget and we'll have guests every

night. All right.

Hey, when do you start, Nancy?

Well, they haven't said, but I figure I'll find out at the interview.

The interview?

You mean it's not a firm offer?

No. But you guys know how great I am at getting the jobs I go after, right?

True, true. No one has more experience at job interviews than you.

David, I knew you had confidence in me.

That's why I figured you'd lend me your truck.

It's not a truck, and it's not available for job interviews.

Well, then how am I going to get clear across Sacramento during my lunch hour?

Well, you could ask Dad to use the station wagon. Yeah?

Are you kidding?

He won't approve of my changing jobs again.

Well, you just have to pick the right way to ask them, Nance. Yeah.

Use a little strategy.

No, no, wait, wait, wait.

Everybody just stay where you are. Your father has something of great importance

to discuss with Thomas.

Huh? Oh.

Well, I was waiting for the proper moment, you know. Um, Dad, Tommy had two

desserts. I don't think you're going to find a righter moment.

Uh, Dad, Elizabeth and I thought we'd stand together on this. I think I just

decided to stand separately.

Coward.

Will someone please tell me what we're talking about?

It's not easy to find out. Thing is how your father keeps avoiding the issue.

No, I'm not avoiding the issue.

Well, then bite the bullet and break the bad news.

Uh, bad news for one should be bad news for all.

Well, that's right, Tommy. I knew you would be upset, you know, so I wanted to

handle this more delicately.

But, uh, all right, here goes.

Uh, guess what?

Abby's mother is coming to visit us, and we want her to stay in your room.

My room?

Yes, but Abby guarantees it'll just be for one night.

Maybe two nights, right, Abby?

Good idea. And you won't have to sleep alone.

Oh, sure, Dad. It's my pleasure.

You're smiling.

Oh, it's because I want to help.

Elizabeth, dishes.

Amazing.

Maybe he's growing up.

Maybe he is afraid to sleep alone.

I told you.

Poor little shrimp.

Dad is about to owe me a favor, Elizabeth, and I'm going to remember

finked out.

Well, you would, too, if you'd seen this. Look.

What is it?

It's a note that Dad got as legal owner of the station wagon. Fortunately, I

intercepted it.

Dad owes $170 in parking tickets? Yeah, and I wasn't in the mood for $170 worth

of yelling.

Well, somebody else must be getting tickets on the station wagon besides us.

Who? Who cares?

All I know is that Dad is going to yell the leaps at the people he owes the most

favors to.

From now on, Elizabeth, it's every Bradford for himself.

Oh, Grandma Catherine!

How nice to see you. How's your flight in from Pasadena? Oh, here, let me take

this. Oh,

you'll be staying in my room. When I heard you were coming, I just said, take

it, please. Anything to help.

Mom, I bought you your favorite tea and those little cookies that you break your

diet for.

That's sweet of you, dear, but I think what I really need is a nap. You know

flying tires me.

You've always thrived on flying.

Oh, I'll feel fine by dinner.

Don't worry.

You know, Mom, I have half a mind to call Dad to see how long you've been

looking so tired.

Oh, no, Abby.

Your father's business trip was very indefinite. I have no idea where he is.

And even if I did, there's no reason to worry him. Believe me.

Tommy, would you show me to my room? Oh, my pleasure, yeah.

All afternoon?

You haven't seen Catherine all afternoon?

She asked me not to disturb her, and she locked the door.

Oh, well, this is your house. I mean, if you're really concerned, you can unlock

the door. Oh, sure.

She's my mother.

Every time I think of disobeying her, I feel like a six -year -old kid.

I know the feeling, but this house is already well -stocked with children.

If your mother is really ill, we've got to start making some grown -up

decisions. Well, I don't think she's ill, exactly.

Then what?

Oh, maybe she's... Maybe she's just disturbed about being away from my

don't know. We can't have any more guesswork. Why don't you go up, tell

mother to come down, say hello to me. We'll have a little chat before dinner.

You'll be nice.

Well, you'll have to settle for totally charming.

Mother?

Yes, dear.

Did you get your nap?

My nap?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, yes, I suppose I did.

Um, Tom's downstairs, and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come

say hello?

Would you just hate me if I didn't?

No, Mom.

Um, of course I wouldn't hate you.

You could just, uh, wait and come down at dinner.

I'm not really hungry.

I'll just see everybody at breakfast.

Mom, are you all right?

That airport was so drafty, I think maybe I caught a little cold, and I'll

sleep it off. Now, don't worry.

Mother. There is no need to get upset, Abby.

No need at all.

Yes, Mother.

Daddy, your message is finally getting through to me.

I don't think I am ready for a better paying job.

You finally convinced me.

I'm inadequate.

Oh, no, no. I never intended to destroy your self -confidence.

That's all right, Daddy.

I can be content with my humble lot. No Bradford is content with humble.

Well, I have to be, Dad. You see, I couldn't get to the interview even if I

up to it.

I don't have a car.

Oh, please, don't worry about that. I'll work out the transportation.

You just start feeling good about yourself. And you're a very talented

Nancy. Yeah, you're the best carrot slicer in old Sacramento.

You guys!

You guys!

It worked!

It worked!

I got the station wagon for the interview.

Aren't you going to congratulate me?

Nope, you should congratulate us.

What for?

Not throwing hysterical fits and not shooting the landlady. Why would I want

congratulate you for that stuff?

Because we considered doing both of those things very carefully.

A friend's been raised starting first.

Oh, no.

How much?

Eighty dollars.

Well, that's impossible.

That's right.

Eighty impossible dollars.

I'm going to lose you, Cartman.

See,

that's 505. Forget it.

I'll quit school and get a full -time job.

Oh, no, you won't. You did it.

That's because I didn't have a dropout sister who could tell me what I was

getting myself into and who would pull my hair out even if I considered it.

Oh, boy.

Well, we can get a new roommate and share expenses.

Oh, no, she'd have to share the bathroom and she'd mess up our private date

nights. Yeah, and where would she sleep, in the kitchen or in the closet?

Well, you guys tell me where we're going to get another $80.

My expediter's job.

If you get it. I'll get it, I'll get it.

I hope so.

You know, it just bothers me, Nancy, that the two of us are depending on you

having a full -time job just to keep the apartment.

It doesn't seem fair.

Yeah, I'd sure feel a whole lot better if I was working full -time at the

daycare center.

Oh, yeah, or I was full -time at the theater.

Don't worry.

I mean, you can help me.

Help? Well, for one thing, you can tell me what an expediter does.

Hi.

Is your mother coming down for breakfast?

No, I'll take her a trick.

Are you playing a trick on me or something? Your mother arrived yesterday

afternoon. I still haven't seen her.

Actually, this is the nicest visit we've ever had.

Don't make fun.

She really worries me. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you think that I should call Dr. Max

and see if he can squeeze her in for a checkup? I don't know what to think. I

just wish I could talk to Dad.

Well, I'm sure he'll call.

I'm sure he will.

What do you think? Do you like this one or this one? This one.

Oh.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Mm -hmm.

Joanie, you said that picking you up wasn't out of my way. I'm sorry. I

you said your interview was on East Broadway.

Well, you're just going to have to come with me until it's over. Oh, but they're

expecting me at 12 .15. Joanie, what is more important, your costume fitting or

us keeping the apartment? I know. It's... I don't believe it. Oh, Matthew,

shouldn't have parked it in a red zone.

Every time I take Dad's car out, I get a ticket.

Yeah, face it, man. Dad's station wagon's a jinx. I got a few myself.

Would you tell him? I didn't.

Me neither.

I figured, why worry him?

Yeah, right.

Why worry him?

Hey, guys, howdy.

Hey,

uh, Nance, it's okay. There's plenty of other new jobs you can get. Yeah.

What about old jobs?

What about them?

Well, a parking ticket made Nancy late for getting to a new job interview.

And my costume fitting made her late getting back to her old job. So they

me. They can't do that.

Oh, can't they?

Oh, how can we live?

I was sleeping with what?

Starbucks. Why didn't you say something last night?

Well, I forgot that's where I spilled my collection.

Poor Will, I'd be glad to get back into my own private room.

Really? Really.

You know, I was kind of hoping you'd remember how nice it was when... When

When you didn't have to sleep alone.

I know how much you hate it.

Come on, Nicholas, you might as well admit it. You're the one that hates to

sleep alone.

You mean people know that?

Sure, the whole family knows.

Boy, what a shock.

You'll get over it.

Yeah, I guess so.

Tommy, I think I'd get over it more, though, if you didn't have to move out

Grandma Catherine went home.

You want to sleep with somebody?

Here, sleep with your friends.

Let's face it, you guys.

We are just going to have to find a smaller apartment.

What? You mean sleep three to a bedroom?

Oh, no way. It was better at home.

What? Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, forget that I said that. I raised that from your consciousness, too.

Cancel. No, Susan, really, I'm glad you said that. I mean, it was better at

home. And maybe we ought to think about moving back with Dad and Abby.

Nancy, what are you saying? That kind of talk is subversive and defeated.

Really, do you want a four -hour lecture from Tom Bradford on I Told You So?

Look, I'd prefer a four -hour lecture to eviction notice.

Come on, you guys. Let's be mature adults about this.

Number one, we could barely pay for the old rent.

Two, we couldn't afford the new rent even when I was employed.

And three, well, we don't have any privacy around here.

I mean, not really.

And four, well, we're over there all the time anyway.

And five,

I kind of miss the family.

Well, I do.

Yeah.

I guess I do kind of miss Nicholas.

Me too, especially when he's hassling Tommy.

Yeah.

Oh, remember how Mary and I used to have all those long talks in the middle of

the night?

Well, I miss everybody.

Well, okay.

Okay. It's just I hate to crawl back home with our tail between our legs.

Yeah.

What if they wouldn't take us?

Oh, come on, Joanie.

They'll take us.

I wouldn't be so sure.

Wait a minute, you guys. What if Dad takes advantage of our position and

to enforce some intolerable conditions like date control, curfew?

Susan's right. I mean, if we go back,

we can't go back begging.

Definitely. You mean you guys might consider it? Well, only as a highly...

improbable possibility that we could casually explore.

Yeah, just to cover our bases, you know, feel dead out.

Yeah, check it out. It's the last desperate measure.

Right, right, right.

Tomorrow?

What about tonight?

This laundry room is occupied, okay? You guys have been in here so much that

this is the first chance that the washer I've had in six, count them, six days.

Okay, okay, relax, Mary. We just came to talk to Dad. Yeah.

Oh.

High finance.

Hi, Dad.

You finance a loan?

No, Mary, it's not that at all. No, no, it's nothing like that, Mary. We are

totally against subsidies and charity.

David was against them, too.

And four loans.

Oh, boy. Mary, if you don't stop putting us down, we just might forget it, you

know. Really?

I wasn't putting you down, Susan, and forget what?

Well... Well,

Mary, we've been thinking... You know, it's probably kind of cruel of us to be

deserting Dad in his time of need.

Huh? Yeah, yeah, Mary.

Middle age is a real crisis, you know, and...

A person going through it like Dad is, well, he needs to be supported and

surrounded by the people that he loves. And what brought about this sudden

concern for Dad's welfare, besides your empty refrigerator?

Our refrigerator had nothing to do with it, Mary.

Absolutely not.

Living on our own has just made us more mature and aware of our family

responsibilities. Exactly.

Exactly, Susan. I couldn't have put it better.

Okay, Susan.

I think I understand what you guys are driving at.

Terrific.

How do you think Dad will take it?

I know he misses you guys an awful lot.

So if I were you, I'd tell him exactly what you just told me.

Oh, well, good.

Good, we will.

Where is he?

Upstairs.

Upstairs.

Oh, Tom, I so hate to impose this way.

Oh, Catherine, you're never imposing.

Abby's house is your house, you know that.

Do you really mean that? Oh, Mom, of course he means that. You belong here.

could never impose.

Would you please tell me what's wrong?

It's so hard to say.

I'm going to need all your warm welcome and your understanding.

I've left your father.

I've decided to get a divorce.

Hi. Oh, hello, girls. I didn't even realize you were here. I was just going

get Abby some coffee. Um, could we talk to you a minute, Dad? Yeah, Dad, we've

been real concerned about you lately, and we have a suggestion that we think

will make your life a whole lot happier. Really?

That's good. I could use your help.

You really could?

Yeah.

Abby is upstairs in our room crying, and her mother is in your old room.

She's crying.

Tell you, the whole second floor is a real disaster area.

Why, Dad? What happened?

Well, I guess I might as well tell you.

Abby's mother and father are getting a divorce.

Oh, no, Daddy, they couldn't.

Catherine and Harry after 36 years?

Why, Daddy?

I don't know.

I guess they don't even know the reason why. These things just happen even after

36 years.

Even in Pasadena.

Why, Grandma Catherine really must feel terrible.

She does.

I think Abby feels even worse.

Anyway, you girls are a real comfort to me right now.

Hey, Dad, that's what we wanted to talk to you about.

You don't have to talk about it.

Just realizing that you've become grown up is enough.

I beg your pardon?

Well, it looks like Catherine's going to have to move into the house, and it's

going to make things kind of tense, and you don't realize how good I feel

knowing that you're mature and able enough to look after things for

I've got to go now.

Abby needs that coffee.

Tom, wait.

Thank you.

Well, now at least we know why your father didn't call.

Yeah, I should have known something was wrong and we didn't hear from him.

Do you know he used to call Mom every night from his office?

with a traffic report on the Pasadena Freeway and an ETA on his

return to our driveway.

How could a man so dependable do this?

Do what? I mean, did your mother say what happened?

No, she was too emotional to talk about it.

I was too emotional to listen.

How could they just end 36 years?

I don't know. It must have been very difficult for both of them.

That they were always so happy together, you know.

I mean, they had their problems like everybody, but they were always there

I needed them.

Together, my mom and my dad, you know.

I mean, if they hadn't, we hadn't had such a happy family, I wouldn't have

wanted so much to be a part of this family.

They're all one family now.

I'll work it out.

I just wanted to make sure, Tommy.

What do you think, I'm some kind of a duncehead or something?

Dad's not up to hearing more bad news, and I'm not up to telling it.

Well, what are you going to do about the tickets?

Well, I have two choices.

Either I can wait till things settle down, or I can think of something else,

whichever comes first.

Lots of luck.

really mean?

Well, if you're talking about Grandma Catherine's divorce, it means I'm stuck

with you till I move away to college.

Oh, no. What does divorce really mean?

Well, it just means that two people don't want to live together anymore.

Does that mean you want a divorce from me?

Nah, you couldn't afford the alimony.

But, David, you don't understand.

We can't move home when Dad's depending on us not to.

You guys are ignoring the obvious.

Oh, no, David, we couldn't move in with you.

No, that's right, you can't. But Abby's mother could move in here.

In here?

Sure. The rent would be no problem for her. She could be close to Abby, and

there would be enough room for the three of you to move back into the house.

David, you are a genius.

No, wait a minute, you guys. Hold the applause.

Look, we don't know if Dad or Grandma Catherine would buy it.

Oh, and if Dad gets any idea of how desperate we are, he will treat us like

kindergarten kids for the rest of our lives.

Do I have to do all your thinking for you? Yes.

Now, look, what you do is you tell Dad and Catherine that her moving in here is

the solution to all their problems.

Yeah? You think they'll believe that?

They'd rather sleep in a bus station.

Why didn't they tell me they have to move home?

They're afraid you'll think they failed.

That they'll never hear the end of it.

Don't they know how much I miss them?

Right now they're too busy missing their self -respect.

I see.

Dad, don't make them crawl.

Mary, don't tell me my job.

I understand you girls wanted to talk to me. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Dad, we wanted to

talk to you about Grandma Catherine.

Oh, really? What about her? Oh, well, uh, well, we've been thinking, Dad. I

mean, it's such a madhouse around here and everything, and, uh, I mean, how can

Grandma Catherine go through such a tragic time in her life without any

quiet or privacy?

On the other hand, Dad, I mean, Grandma Catherine shouldn't have to go through

the hassle of looking for her own place.

Not when the perfect apartment is just waiting for her.

That's right, Dad.

And under the dire circumstances, we've decided that

we're willing to give our apartment to Grandma Catherine.

Well, then where would you girls live?

I've got it.

They could live here.

Hey, that's a good idea. What do you think, Dad, huh?

No, no, I can't accept your suggestion.

You can't? Dad. No, I just couldn't let the three of you girls make that much of

a sacrifice.

Oh, Dad, don't think of us. Think of Catherine.

Think of Abby. Think of yourself.

But it's what you've always wanted. I mean, you're doing so well on your own.

I know, Dad, I know. But we're going to have plenty of time in the future to

enjoy our independence, and I think that now is the time for us to be

responsible members of the Bradford family.

Well, it's a very mature and responsible suggestion.

Thank you very much. You're even more capable than I thought.

I'll talk to Catherine.

I couldn't have done better myself.

Probably not.

Harry is so stubborn.

He gets worse every year.

Has Abby talked to him?

Well, no. You said that Harry was away on a business trip and couldn't be

reached. I lied.

Oh. I see.

Apparently he hasn't called.

He's probably too busy talking.

It's his favorite sport next to golf.

Well, if he does call, do you want to talk to him?

Oh, no, Tom.

I can't look back.

I have to look ahead.

However, there doesn't seem to be very much to look at.

The children are grown, never worked, except it being Mrs. Harry Mitchell, and

apparently I didn't even do a very good job of that.

It's not easy to discover that one is totally useless.

Oh, no, Catherine, please don't say that. I only came here because I'm in

desperate need of your help.

My help?

That's right.

Joanie, Susan, and Nancy have just found out that it's much easier to declare

independence than to achieve it. They want to move back home.

Oh, how terrible.

I picked the worst possible time to bring my problems into this house.

No, no, no. You picked the best possible time.

The girls need to save face, so now they are offering you their apartment in

your time of need, which is really their time of need, which is our secret.

How wonderful.

Then you'll do it? Oh, just tell me. I haven't felt needed in months and

Thank you, Catherine.

Tom, thank you.

When I think of all of the uncomplimentary things that Harry and I

about you... Really?

Well, I must confess, I may have said a few uncomplimentary things about you and

Harry. In -law things.

In a lot of things.

Isn't it nice? It's all behind us.

We can be friends.

I'd like that.

Oh. Oh.

So heavy.

Oh, dear.

I'm in favor of lighter loads and more trip.

You ever take all night to move back home? Get it.

Oh.

Oh, no, you guys.

Look.

What's going on? We can park here.

Not on street cleaning day.

I wish you would talk to your mother first. She specifically told me that she

didn't want to see your father. Oh, I couldn't just let them suffer in

And when you told me Dad was in Pasadena, well, I just had to call him.

besides, you should have told me you were going to put my mother in an

apartment. I mean, Dad was shocked.

I'm sure you'll tell me precisely how shocked he was. Why don't you pick him

at the airport? Because I have to prepare Mom that he's coming. And these

anyway, you seem to have a lot better way with him than I do. Oh, if you say

anything about our being contemporaries, it'll be a double divorce.

Actually, I like to think of you as a contemporarian. Nicholas.

Oh, keys. I forgot my keys.

Well, how is it going, girls? Fantastic, Daddy.

Did you get Grandma Catherine moved in the apartment?

Uh -huh. Oh, good. I hope you're all settled back in your own rooms by the

I get back. Okay.

I expected Catherine to call.

Yeah, I know, but she sort of expected you to call her.

Catherine gets more stubborn every day.

I wouldn't exactly open my negotiations with that statement, Harry.

Well, there aren't going to be any negotiations.

I'm only here because Abby seems to need me.

What is it, Thomas?

Oh, I'll help you.

Thanks.

Anything wrong, officer?

You have a broken right taillight.

Oh, really? Well, I didn't know that. We have a broken right taillight.

May I have your driver's license, please? Oh,

shucks. Listen, officer, you're not going to believe this.

I'll believe it.

It's in my other coat.

I'll have to check and make sure that you really do have a driver's license.

want to give me your name and address?

Certainly. It's Thomas Bradford Sr., 1436 Oak Street.

They should have known the family would fall apart when I let Abby be

fascinated.

The only island of fantasy in the state of California.

Captain deserved the squirrel cage you live in. Oh, come on,

please, Harry. It's not a squirrel cage.

You the registered owner of this vehicle?

Oh, yes.

Well, Mr. Bradford, you do have a driver's license.

She also set a new Sacramento record for parking tickets.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you in.

Bradford, how can you possibly forget $170 worth of parking tickets? I didn't

forget about them. I didn't even know about these tickets.

Now, please understand, Sergeant, that my client is quite obviously emotionally

upset. So I ask you to totally ignore his understandable incoherence. Oh,

please, Harry, I am not your client, and I'm not incoherent.

Incoherent! You see what I mean? I suggest you let me handle this, Thomas.

Now, as my card indicates...

I am a senior partner in what is perhaps the most respected law firm in

California. And it is my duty to warn you, sir, that you are treading

dangerously close to the boundaries of false arrest and character

Mister, I have not yet begun to tread.

Harry, I'm sorry. Sergeant, Harry, please, be your own client. Sergeant,

look at the files for one moment, please?

You should also know, sir, that we're prepared to take this case of mistaken

identity to the United States Supreme Court, where a former classmate of mine

now presides.

And if I don't get some cooperation around here, you may be presiding right

permanently. Look at this, Sergeant. I think I've solved the whole thing. It's

very obvious. Look, three of these tickets were given at the medical

right? Three of them were at the Civic Theater, and four of them were at Madam

Su Wang's Chinese food factory, and the rest were all at the high school.

So? So all I need is one phone call, and you need one very large cell.

Are these your tickets, Tommy?

Yes, sir.

How much, Sergeant?

Thirty -six dollars.

But I only have twelve.

How many days will he have to spend in jail?

Tom, that's cruel.

No, it is not cruel because we will visit him on the weekends.

Dad, you can't do this to us. Now we're all totally broke.

Well, I'll pay their fines, Thomas.

No, Harry, you won't pay them because you won't charge enough interest.

Interest? That's right, ten percent.

Now that you realize where careless parking can lead you to, I will take

the sergeant here. Those of you unable to pay will take care of me when we get

home. Are there any questions?

Yes. Thomas?

Harry, you're right.

It is a squirrel cage.

Boy, Grandma Catherine sure was lucky she only had one suitcase that fit into

the apartment.

Yeah. How'd you get all this junk in there anyway? It'll never fit in your

of the room again.

Elizabeth, I was meaning to ask you...

Do you really need all your closet?

Yes, and all of yours, too.

Oh, me? How much longer is this going to take?

Oh, what about 90 % done? Look. If I have to carry one more box, you're going

have to carry me.

Oh, cheer up, Susan. Come and get your room insurance. What's room insurance?

Well, Dad wouldn't dare kick us out until we paid him back all his parking

tickets, right? Oh, girl, boy, am I glad I caught you before you finished,

because guess what big news? Your grandfather's going to stay with us. Oh,

you're pulling our legs. Okay, you're breaking our backs.

I'm sorry. It's just that he's having a really hard time and he needs us. Well,

couldn't he need us from a hotel or something? No, Nancy, he couldn't. Okay,

okay, Abby, I understand. But where are you planning to put him?

Well, he deserves at least the same treatment I gave my mom. Yeah. Your

Our room? Where are we going to sleep?

Well, Mary's volunteered her room to share it. Oh, yeah, that means sharing

sleeping bags on the floor.

Well, I volunteer to help you move. How's that? Oh, baby.

I said help.

That's all I say.

What do you expect me to do about it? Well, talk to Abby, Dad. I mean, we gave

up our apartment for a mother, and now her dad is in our room. I mean, we're no

person's land. No, no, no. Abby is well aware of your sacrifices. She

appreciates very much what you're doing, but what can she do?

Well, I've always heard the evils of divorce, but this is ridiculous.

I mean, how can senior citizens act like children?

I wish they were children. Then I could handle it.

Wait a minute.

Oh, that's it.

Nancy, you're a genius.

She is?

Of course.

You guys just never noticed.

What did I say?

Do you remember when you two were little and you would go without speaking a

word to each other?

Yeah, you'd make us sit next to each other at the dinner table till we either

made up or starved. Oh, yeah.

I remember starving one time for 12 whole minutes.

Let's see if that record still holds.

More biscuits, Grandpa Harry?

No, thank you, Nicholas.

Tommy, would you please ask someone to pass me a biscuit?

Oh, sure, Grandma. Nicholas, would you pass the biscuits down here, please?

Here, Tommy, catch.

The behavior at this table is totally unacceptable.

Not to mention Tommy and Nichols.

What is inexcusable is inviting people to dinner without giving the people who

live here a chance to make other plans.

Well, Dad, I wish you'd calm down because we were only trying to help.

It would have been more helpful if you had given your invited guest an

opportunity to make her plan.

In fact, I... I've totally lost my appetite, and I would appreciate it if

someone would drive me back to my apartment. Mommy?

Oh, I'd like to, Grandma, but I'm grounded until I pay my ticket. Yes.

As a matter of fact, the whole family is grounded. On the same ground.

Well, maybe, Dad, you could drive Mother to the apartment. You can use the

station wagon.

I'd prefer to walk.

Catherine Mitchell.

You are the one.

stubborn woman in America.

Why not?

I've been taking lessons from you for 36 years.

Oh, really?

Really.

Well, Dad, at least they're talking to each other.

Wasn't it romantic?

Yes. When Grandma Catherine finally agreed to let Grandpa Harry drive her

I could hear the violins. And did you see the way Grandpa Harry held the door

open for her? I couldn't believe it. No, a chivalry like that would come back.

Maybe even I'd run against the ERA.

That is what? Hey, do you think they'll take a second honeymoon or head on back

to Pasadena? Ah, who cares? I just want my old room back. Let's go, guys. Movie

day. All right. Yeah, all right. Thanks a lot. Bye.

What else is new?

This means everyone's moving back to where they belong.

All right.

Will someone else break the bad news, the dog news? Oh, yeah, yeah, I will,

Nicholas. Would you open the door for us, though? Yeah. It's a deal.

It's locked.

What do you mean it's locked? I always lock my door.

Grandpa Harry, you're back.

Dad, what happened?

Well, obviously nothing, Abby.

What do you mean?

Oh, your mother's ridiculous.

She wouldn't even let me walk her to her door.

That's too bad, Harry.

Bad? It's preposterous. Oh, poor Grandpa Harry.

Does this mean you're going back to Pasadena all alone?

No. It means I'll be staying on.

Staying on? How long?

Till I bring Catherine to her census.

A week? Two weeks?

The last time I courted your mother, it took four years.

You're courting her?

Oh, dear.

It took four years, we heard.

Yes, four years.

And so I would appreciate it if you would all endeavor to keep the noise

I'm not as young as I was then, and I need my rest.

Oh, Mary's floor, here we come.

Susan, Johnny, I'm so sorry. Listen, we didn't plan for it to turn out this way.

Oh, forget it, Daddy. When it's this crazy around here, we know one thing for

sure. We're home!

Oh, that sounds good to me. Say it again.

Joanie, I slept great. I just pretended to convert to Japanese.

Try it tonight. It's all in the mind. Oh, you know, it's all in the back.

Well, your father seems to be getting asleep this week. Yeah, he didn't even

up to hog the bathroom this morning.

I told you you didn't have to worry. I'll wake him up after you guys leave.

I'll get it. Oh, no, no, no. I'll get it. You're indecently cheerful this

morning. And anybody that rings the doorbell in the middle of breakfast

not be greeted by a smiling face.

All right, we hear you. We have ears, you know.

Now, just what... Ah, Thomas.

I'm sorry. I seem to have misplaced my key.

Dad, would you like some breakfast?

Oh, no, thank you.

I've had breakfast.

Good night.

He's your father. You better talk to him. Why?

What will the kids think coming home at breakfast?

What will your mother say?

Oh, she'll probably say that it's the most fun she's had since she was

the last time.

So hang in there, you guys. Looks like you're going to get your room back up

pretty soon. Yay!