All language subtitles for Eight Is Enough s03e14 Alone At Last

Oh, hey, Nicholas, what you doing?

Keeping my eye on Ron and Marcia.

What for?

Well, I want to see how baby hamsters
are made.

Oh. I can't figure it out. Kenny P.
Landers said I should have baby hamsters

now. You know how baby hamsters are
made?

Uh, why ask me?

You mean you don't know either?

Yeah, I know.

Well, how do they do it?

Well, you see, it just sort of happens.

They have to get together in private.

And, Nicholas, you can't watch.

I mean, nothing's going to happen unless
you leave him alone.

Why not?

Hey, just take my word for it. I'm
really in a hurry, so why don't you ask

okay?

If I'm not back in time, guys, start
without me.

There's a magic in the early morning we
found.

When the sunrise smiled on everything
around.

It's a portrait of the happiness that we
feel and

always will.

Oh, it is enough to fill our lives.

© BF -WATCH TV 2021

Good night, Nicholas.

Oh, boy.

Well, it took the legend of Sleepy
Hollow, Frankenstein, and last night's

of Charlie's Angels to finally put
Nicholas to sleep, and now we are alone

last. Your timing's perfect. Not bad,
eh? Look at that. It looks delicious.

Cake looks good, too.

Thank you. Twice.

Yes. Do you realize for the first time
in weeks, all the kids are out of the

house at once?

How did that happen? I don't know. We
just got lucky. It happens about...

a year on the average.

Oh, I have a wonderful idea.

Let's have our cake and coffee in the
dining room and put on some candles and

some soft music and pretend we're all
alone in a Viennese cafe. What do you

Oh, all right. I love Vienna in the
spring.

Is your dance card full, madame? Well, I
just happen to have one waltz label

set. May I have it?

You know,

I forgot how beautiful you are on
camera.

In any light, though.

You journalists sure have a way with
words.

Must be the cappuccino.

Oh, why can't we have more evenings like
this?

Oh, I can think of at least eight
reasons.

Well, for tonight, the eight children
don't exist.

And from now on, we're going to keep the
honeymoon alive, no matter what. It's

dark in here!

Why didn't you just ask us? Yeah, he's
appointed without a huddle. That's what

you're saying, then, is I deflected a
pass, right? Yeah, well, since one of

appointed the great chaperone in the
sky. Knock it off. All right, what's the

matter, girls, huh?

Oh, hi.

Well, we stopped off for a cup of coffee
after the movie, and these cute guys

came up to get acquainted with us.

Acquainted? They tried to pick us up.
Old Mary got all bent out of shape and

told the guys to get lost.

Yeah. Yeah, and they were foxy.

Foxy?

One of them looked like a hockey goalie,
and the other one looked like the goal.

Oh, what do you know about men, Hotsy
Totsy? Oh, yeah? Yeah, all the guys you

spend time with smell of formaldehyde.
Oh, you don't even know what

is. Oh, yeah, she does. I know.

Is that right?

Yeah, well, what about the ones you hang
out with? Oh, true.

Don't worry.

She's just jealous because they didn't
come on to her, too.

Hey, is that chocolate cake? Oh, you're
on a diet, remember?

Yeah, cottage cheese and...

Chocolate cake. Yeah, you guys should
have come with us to the movie. It's

this giant termite that's eating housing
tracts.

Some Viennese cafe, huh?

Oh, come in.

Working on Saturday, huh? Well, no,
actually, I'm just hiding out. This is

only room where people bother to knock.

Um, Dad, I have a favor to ask. Oh,
sure, as long as it's not more than $10,

because I don't have more cash with me.
It's not going to cost you a thing.

You're kidding.

Really? Oh, no hidden costs?

None. Yippee.

Look, Dad, I have made good friends with
one of the working mothers at the

daycare center. Well, recently she's
been separated from her husband. It's

really been hard on her, you know,
adjusting to being single, learning how

get along by herself. You know, it's
really hard being a single parent these

days. The point?

Well, the point is that she has a chance
to spend five days with her husband to

get it together with him, you know, but
she has a problem.

Lucy. Lucy?

Yeah, Lucy. It's her nine -year -old
daughter. I mean, Dad, how can she

reconcile with her husband if she has to
drag Lucy along to San Francisco with

her? I haven't the slightest idea.
Susan, please try to remember the point.

point, the point?

Well, Dad, if I could take care of Lucy
for those five days, Monday through

Friday this week, I mean, I could save
their marriage.

Aha!

The point!

Susan, you know how strapped we are
around here for space, right? No

Dad. She can sleep in a sleeping bag on
the floor of that room.

Five days in your room? Oh, no, no, no.
It's just going to be five nights. You

see, during the day, she goes to school,
and then she goes to the daycare

center.

Oh. Well, I don't know. I guess if
Joanie doesn't mind, I suppose... You,

course, have checked this all out with
Joanie, of course.

You assured him I wouldn't mind.

Don't you think that's a little
presumptuous of you? Well, maybe just a

bit, but, uh... Hey, Joni, stop.

I mind.

I mind anyway. Believe me, I mind. Come
on, look.

Granola. Not gonna do it. Oh, no.

Oh, come on, Joni. Look at it this way.
You'll be saving Lucy's mother's

marriage.

You're the one with social work, not me.
Don't think of it as social work. Think

of it as making a new friend.

Oh. Oh, thank you.

Right, a new friend, a nine -year -old
girl.

Oh, Joanie, you'll love her. She's
bright as a tack.

Yeah, bright. Yeah, yeah.

Is she going to be bright as a tack
before breakfast?

Oh, no, no, no, no. She'll be very quiet
in the morning.

Yeah.

You sure?

Uh -huh.

Okay. But look, she's not going to want
to play, you know, jacks and jump

rope in the bedroom. No jacks, no jump
ropes, I promise.

All right.

Okay, but look, do me a favor, Sue.

Next time you invite a guest to live
with us, would you make it

male about 25?

Melanie Causeway ruins my appetite.

You just got to learn to take these
things in stride, Danny.

You can take it in stride. I'll take it
any way I can.

Hey, you just have no understanding of
women, that's all.

Oh, really?

Really. See, a girl like Melanie
Causeway just looks on a poacher.

She looks.

With it.

You know, I bet you that Candace Bergen
sits home alone on a Saturday night just

because everybody assumes she's busy.

Melanie probably does the same thing.

Sure she does.

Five bucks says I can get a date with
her.

You?

You're on.

Observe, my boy, observe.

Please.

Well, maybe she's going bowling with
Candace Bergen.

You're real cute.

Five bucks.

Thank you.

going on?

I know what I'm doing.

I want to pick up where we left off last
night. Remember the ongoing honeymoon?

Remember Vienna?

Oh, but it's Saturday afternoon.

Since when does romance know the time of
day? Love is always in season. Oh, I'm

always such a sucker for a corny lie.

Stick around, kid, because it gets
worse.

Oh, but pizza, who is it?

Dad, you get $2 .50 for the paper, boy?

Huh? Oh.

Here. I don't even know what I... Here,
take this.

What if it doesn't have change? Just
tell him to keep the change.

Oh, boy.

Now, where were we?

Vienna. Ah, yes.

Vienna. Vienna.

Oh, come on. Can't they read? What is
it?

Dad, I need to borrow the car keys.

Here.

Thanks. Don't mention it.

I don't believe this.

There's only five of them left.

Well, look, all I want is a little
privacy.

Why don't you just tell them the truth,
that we want to be alone like any normal

man and woman? I'm sure they'd
understand.

That might be the right approach in
theory, but in practice it would blow my

whole image.

Oh, you mean the upstanding, sober
father figure with a gleam in his eye?

if you must know. Oh, I see. So this is
the famous Bradford open -minded honesty

is the best policy routine in action. If
it's action you want, it's action

you'll get. Uh -huh.

Oh, what is it now?

I tell you, whoever it is this time, I'm
going to give them an in -depth,

detailed explanation of the facts of
life Bradford style.

Yes? What?

Dad, remember when you promised me to
dig worms today?

Oh.

I better gather the troops for this one.

Dig worms?

Now, listen, I've gathered you all here
to discuss a vital issue.

A serious injustice is taking place in
this house.

It violates something as timeless and
universal as freedom itself.

The inalienable right of every citizen
to privacy.

The Constitution says that we are
entitled to the pursuit of happiness.

Well, I feel that my pursuit is being
obstructed.

I hope that these remarks will suffice.

and more drastic means will not be
necessary.

Freedom from harassment, even to mothers
and fathers, must be honored.

I hope I make myself perfectly clear.

See? What was that all about?

I don't know. It sounded like civics
class to me.

It sounded like get lost to me.

I don't suppose that Dad and Abby wanted
to be alone to, uh, you know, in the

afternoon?

With us in the house?

In broad daylight?

You've got to be kidding.

Wow.

Thank goodness. His son's for one.

In his own apartment and away for the
weekend.

Fuck. The father was his own kid.

Yes, we may stay here all weekend.

Look.

I always wanted to try out one of these
waterbeds. Now's your chance.

Oh, not bad.

Great.

Oh, Ethan, you've been passed by this.
I'm sorry. No.

Come here. Okay.

What?

A little strange, though.

David's apartment together, the two of
us alone.

Oh, a little bit, I guess, but...

And we'll be gone all evening, so we can
just relax and take our time and get

used to it. That's a good idea.

You may find me a little irresistible. I
always find you irresistible.

David!

Sorry, I had a change of plans.

No, no, please, David, let me explain.
It's not what you think.

Dad, it's okay. I understand.

No problem.

No, no, no, no. You don't understand.

What it is is that we were just talking
about life.

It's okay.

We're all adults.

Waterbeds are great.

No reason why you shouldn't try it out.
Oh, Abby, this is insane.

Maybe we should quit while we're ahead.
No, look, let me explain.

We didn't come here to try out the
waterbed, David. We came here...

To take out the trash.

That's it.

Right. Because I hate that trash. It
draws ants.

And while we were taking it out, we
noticed the waterbed.

And we were thirsty.

Okay.

Take out the trash all you want. I'm
going out to a movie. No, no. Please

go to a movie. And just let me explain,
David. It's not what you think.

It's okay, Dad.

Bye -bye.

Bye, Abby.

Bye, David.

A man can't take this, even a father.

I mean, I have to get rid of those kids
now, all at once. A gun or poison.

No, no, I don't mean that. I just mean
get them out of the house for the

weekend, that's all.

Maybe we should just check into a hotel.

A hotel? Of course not a hotel. We own
our own home, Abby.

It was just a suggestion.

I mean, trying to get all those kids to
do anything all at once is like planning

the invasion of Normandy.

I'm desperate.

I really am.

All I want is to have my wife in my
house for a weekend all by myself, and

going to do it.

Well, we need a plan.

We need a plan. That's what we need, a
plan.

That's right.

A very clever plan.

Something devious, yet foolproof.

Something simple, yet so sophisticated
that they'll never

know we're here.

Hi, big brother. Hi, kid sister.

Joni's goulash. How did I know?

Hey, how did he know? Probably some wild
guess. Some wild guess. David has radar

in his stomach.

Sit down, David. There's plenty.

Oh, no, no. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, David. You're a family. You're
not going to get asked twice.

Oh, if you're twisting my arm, okay.

So, uh...

Are you working hard? Too hard.

Me too. In fact, I was thinking today,
it would be wonderful to be able to get

away for a while.

Yeah, you and me both.

Wouldn't it be nice, I mean, to get out
of the city where it's quiet and the air

is clean and fresh?

You mean like the mountain?

Oh, yes.

The Sierras are wonderful this time of
the year.

Are you talking about going camping?

Camping? Hey, that is a great idea.

That'd be great.

We could fish and cook over an open fire
and really rough it. Yeah.

Yeah, and no girls.

That's right.

Men only.

Wowee, camping.

Well, what do you say, fellas? Should we
go camping this weekend?

Right, right. Not without us. I think
it's a crummy idea.

Well, who asked you?

Well, I asked me. I mean, what about us?
Girls like camping, too, you know.

Ooh, no dice. Thumbs down.

My sentiments exactly.

and you listen, that's all.

Oh, leave the kid alone. For crying out
loud, he knows what he's talking about.

You're not supposed to be going camping
with us.

You know,

if it wasn't for those creepy crawly
little bugs, I wouldn't mind going

myself. Oh, I love camping.

I mean, you sleep out under the stars
when you wake in the morning. The air is

so chill and fresh.

Franklin, I'm surprised at us. I mean,
we really let them push us around.

Imagine, no women on a camping trip.
That's right.

Where do they get off telling us that we
can't go? Really?

What happened to that respect, dignity,
and kindness we fought so hard for?

They've got a lot of nerve telling us we
can't go on their camping trip. We're

members of this family, too.

And I'm throwing in the towel. Yeah,
let's go give them a piece of our mind.

right.

I didn't realize you felt so strongly
about this.

Do you get the feeling they're upset
about something?

What seems to be the problem, ladies?

We think it's rude and inconsiderate of
you guys not to invite us to go camping.

Oh, boy, here we go again.

Yeah, and we're going camping with you,
invitation or not.

No, no, we'll take you the next time.

Tom, I think that's really insensitive.
I mean, we know how to camp, and we can

take care of ourselves.

But we can't. You see, we're really
going to rough it this time. Rough it?

know you guys, you'll take everything
but a battery -operated toothbrush.

Really?

Anyway, what's the big deal, tough guys?

We can do anything you can do.

Better.

I tell you, I'm still against it, man.

Well, look, Dad, it doesn't matter to
me.

Of course, they do have a point.

Well... Looks like the tide has turned
against us, Nicholas, old boy.

Oh, well.

All right, you can go.

Hey,

look, I just don't want to hear it.
Tommy, Tommy, there's a snake in my

Don't flatter yourself, Tarzan.

I think Tommy's forgetting about the
time Susan and I saved him from the man

-eating moth.

Who are you?

I'm Lucy Pringle and I'm staying here
until Friday.

I see you two have met.

You never told me you had a little
brother.

Little? She means younger, Nicholas.

Actually, I meant little. How old is he?

Seven?

Well, I can see you two are going to get
along just fine.

You don't have any butter? Only
margarine?

That's all right. Margarine's cheaper.

I know.

Dad, I'd like you to meet Lucy Pringle,
the young lady I was telling you about.

Huh? Friday, remember our little talk,
Lucy?

Oh, right, yes, the point in the study,
yeah. Hello, nice little girl.

You can't afford butter?

Do you want me to arrange to have
flowers delivered

to Abby Sunday morning?

Yes, one dozen long -stemmed roses,
please.

Oh, Mr. Bradford, how romantic.

What's the occasion?

Oh, I'm taking Abby and the kids to the
Sierras on a camping trip this weekend.

I beg your pardon?

You want me to have the flowers
delivered to the Sierras?

No, no, no. Just send them to my home
address.

Oh, I see.

Of course.

You want them to be waiting for Abby
when she gets home Sunday night.

Nice and wilted.

Please, just do as you're told.

Yes, sir.

I was just following the order, sir.

Flowers delivered.

to the house Sunday night, but you're
going to the Sears.

The bar's so good.

Everything is right on schedule.

Which is an accomplishment itself.

Accomplishment? Nothing. When things are
on schedule in this house, that's a

miracle. Ellis.

Yes? Do you think anyone's suspicious?

I think we finally have a foolproof
scheme.

Foolproof scheme.

Just two more days.

That's right.

D -Day. Minus two.

Hello?

Who? Oh, just a minute.

King me.

It's for you, a girl. Uh, her name's
Melanie Cosway?

Hello?

Yeah, this is Tommy. Dad, I could take
you two out to eat.

Melanie?

Oh, Melanie Cosway.

Oh, no kidding.

Oh, yes, well, you know how football
players are. They're always pulling

hamstrings.

Oh, I think I could arrange to be free
on Saturday night.

Oh, sure, I'll pick you up about 8.

Bye -bye.

But what about the camping trip? Dad,
Melanie Causeway is the Candace Bergen

Sacramento Central High School. You only
get one shot.

But we were counting on you.

There'll be nine of you without me. You
won't even miss me.

Tommy, I don't think you should stay
home alone for the weekend.

But, Dad, I'm almost 17.

Come in.

Dad, something's come up. Looks like I
won't be able to go camping this

What? Well, Lucy's mom called me at the
daycare center today, and she begged me

to let her stay in San Francisco through
the weekend.

Susan, no, I... Well, Dad, you're saving
a marriage.

It's also ruining one.

What? Maybe Lucy could go with us.

Oh, forget it. She's allergic to birch
trees, and she's highly susceptible to

poison oak. Well, that's terrific.

I mean, Susan can stay home and
chaperone me.

What else could go wrong?

You had to ask?

That's right, Daniel. Well, boy, she
called me.

Some jock pulled a hamstring.

Poor guy.

Okay, that'll be my five bucks back and
five to cover the wager. I need it for

Saturday night.

Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Hey, and no
checks, just cash.

You're only going to spend ten bucks on
her?

Cheapskate.

Well, at least we're alone.

Yeah. This is not exactly what I had in
mind.

I don't understand.

Everything was going so smoothly.

Well, we still have a few days left.
You're not going to give up, are you?

up? What would you say?

Right. You've got to think positively
about this. That's right. The invasion

Normandy must succeed.

I didn't know you were a World War II
buff, Tom.

Hi, Abby.

Oh, hi, Max.

Hi, Max. No, no, no. We were just
talking about our weekend.

Oh. Planning on invading Normandy over
the weekend?

Oh, just about. I mean, trying to get
eight brats to do the same thing at the

same time.

Yes, yes. I'd rather invade Normandy.

We were planning on taking the family
away this weekend on a camping trip, but

now everything's going wrong.

Pick another weekend.

It's now or never.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, no, no. That's just a figure of
speech.

Listen, Max, you know, Nicholas, I
think, is coming down with something.

been sneezing a great deal. It's got me
worried.

He's a pretty hearty little guy.

Besides, there are sneezes and there are
sneezes.

Now, I'll bet if you just fill him full
of liquid, get him into bed, he'll be

fine till the weekend.

Yeah, you really think so?

How do I know? I'm only a doctor.

Look, if he gets a fever, just give me a
call, okay?

I'll see you guys. Yeah, bye -bye, Max.
Bye, Max.

You know, I have an idea.

What? I think that you should be put in
charge of the feeding and care of

Nicola.

And I'm going to do something I never
did before.

Okay.

Madeline to my son's love life.

Hi, Dad.

Oh. You wanted to see me? Oh, yes, yes.

Come in. Sit down, Tommy.

Here, I wanted to talk to you man to
man, you know.

Sure, Dad. What's on your mind?

Women.

Uh, well, we already had that little
talk. Remember the dancing chromosomes?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean
that. I...

I wanted you to... I thought maybe you
might like to tell me about this Melanie

Freeway. Uh, Causeway. Melanie Causeway.
Causeway, of course. Melanie Causeway.

Silly name.

What would you like to know about her?

Well, um... Do you think that she's the
right girl?

The right girl? Well, this is a serious
thing, Tommy. And I thought that maybe

you ought to lay back for a while, you
know?

Just let things kind of ride.

See how you feel about her in a month or
so.

But, Dad, we're only going out on a
date.

Oh. Oh, that's good, that's good,
because I tell you something. You cannot

too careful these days.

There's this guy down at the paper whose
son is paying a fortune in alimony, a

fortune, and he's only 21 years old.

Well, Dad, I... You have to watch out
for these supposed liberated types. They

pretend not to care about alimony, and
then, when you least suspect it...

They've got the biggest lawyer in town
chasing after you. Dad, I promise I

get divorced without getting married
first.

Oh, good, good.

Well, that's, you know, Father worries
about these things.

Yeah, I'll be sure and be careful, Dad.

Is that all you wanted to talk to me
about?

Because we are not taking any chances.
You're home from school to rest and get

well. Not to play, and I hit the sheets.

Yes, ma 'am.

We're going to do your lessons later. I
think it's time for some more fruit

juice. But that's the fifth one.

Drink.

How's Nicholas?

Oh, he'll pull through if he doesn't
drown first.

Tom, I don't know how much longer I can
keep him in bed.

He's getting restless, huh? Oh, to say
the least. So how'd it go with Tommy?

That bad, huh?

Worst. I haven't made such little sense
since my facts of life speech.

Oh, what's the use? There's always Lucy
and Susan.

Oh, yeah. Did you get a chance to talk
to her? Yes, and Susan is still

to Lucy's mother.

Why is it that my children are always
ready to put themselves out for somebody

else? Well, the irony is that Susan made
the commitment to Lucy's mother because

she thought we'd be out of town this
weekend.

I tell you, if we could have spent a
weekend alone in this house, it was

try.

Yeah, we gave it our best shot, didn't
we? I don't think our little scheme

have worked anyway.

We'll never find out, will we?

Let's look at it from the bright side.

Okay. We get to take at least five kids.

camping this weekend.

Some bright signs.

Oh, Nicholas.

I didn't hear you coming.

Feel better?

What's the matter?

I don't want anyone to see where I'm
going.

Well, where are you going?

He doesn't want anybody to know he's
going to school.

Well, at least it's going to a good
cause.

That you can count on.

Hey, where are you going to take her?

You know, I don't know.

Where would you take Melanie if you had
a date with her?

Oh, hey,

there she is.

Ooh, speak of the angel.

Oh, hi, Melanie.

Hi. Danny here was just leaving. Oh, no,
that's okay. It's not important.

Look, I just came to tell you that I'm
not going to be able to make it Saturday

after all.

You're not?

I'm really sorry.

But Dwayne found out about it, and he
kind of took the news badly.

Dwayne, the middle linebacker? Uh -huh.
He's really possessive. But I didn't

think he'd mind, you know, being laid up
in bed with a pulled muscle and all.

But I guess I was wrong.

Imagine that.

Yeah, imagine that.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

Maybe after Dwayne and I break up.

Yeah, sure.

Imagine that.

You get

home early. You must have an easy job.

Why didn't you tell us you went to
school today? Abby had to call the

find out that you were there.

Well, it wasn't as bad as playing hooky,
was it?

Yeah, I suppose so. Are you feeling any
better today?

I feel okay, and I'm not thirsty.

Tommy!

Something wrong?

Yeah, women. I think I'm going to join a
monastery.

I beg your pardon?

You were right, Dad. You just can't
trust women. I'm going camping this

You are?

And so am I.

Oh, really?

Well, if you insist.

Abby.

Oh, Abby.

Oh, it's you.

Have you seen my wife?

Not since she spilled the vacuum cleaner
bag on the rug.

You must be a real joy to your mother.

Yeah, we get along all right.

You do?

So, you like your mother, huh?

Yeah, she's a pain sometimes.

But she beats this place.

Oh, yes, I'm sure she does.

She's up in San Francisco now, isn't
she?

Yeah, with my dad.

Oh, isn't that nice?

You wouldn't happen to have his phone
number, would you?

I have it memorized.

You do?

Well, how would you like to tell your
mother personally just how much you miss

her?

Could I?

No problem.

Last night?

Not even calling first?

Yeah, last night at about 10 o 'clock,
the doorbell rings, and who is it but

Lucy's mother?

Boy, weird.

Think she got it together with her
husband?

Beats me. All she said was something
about butter and margarine.

Well,

anyway, she got here just in time for
you to go camping with us. It's great.

Yeah, great. But, Joanie, I mean, don't
you think it's a little strange? One

minute she's having a second honeymoon
in San Francisco, and the next minute

can't live another day without Lucy.

Yeah, come to think of it, it's kind of
strange.

You don't suppose a dad... Nah, would do
something like that.

I hope this works. Don't worry, it will.

It has to.

Oh, gosh. Now I know how Eisenhower felt
on D -Day.

Ready? Ready.

Oh, hi,

Dad. Everything's all packed.

Oh, good, good.

Yeah. Well, I'll just check things out.
All right. We got everything, Dad. Yep.

Oh, wait a minute now. Just a second.
These preaching bags are not rolled

properly.

These things have to... Oh, look at
this. There's not enough to drink. Are

kidding? Somebody doesn't know how to
pack a tent. I'm sorry. We can't leave

until all these things are repacked.

Oh, Dad, we've been working on this all
morning.

I don't care. If we're going to do it,
we're going to do it right, right?

But you're nitpicking.

Nitpicking?

Do you remember our disastrous trip to
Yosemite?

You could have used some of my
nitpicking then. You told me that trip

years ago. I mean, they were all just
kids then.

Listen, I have to exercise some kind of
leadership or this would be complete

chaos. Oh, please, you're stifling them.
They can take care of themselves.

Come on, Abby, don't start that again.
This is not the time and the place.

this is exactly...

the time and the place. You can't keep
telling them what to do, dominating

lives. Dominating their lives? What do
you think I am, some kind of a Mussolini

or something? They don't need your
organizational ability. If they went

by themselves, they wouldn't miss you
for a minute.

Camping by themselves?

Ho, ho.

I'd like to see that. That I really
would like to see. Well, then put your

where your mouth is, because I think we
should stay home and let them see how

they do by themselves.

I think that's great.

Oh, yes, yes, it's definitely okay.

Absolutely. I mean, enjoy yourselves.
We'll be fine.

How did he know?

I don't know.

But I don't care.

The troops have landed.

The beach is ours.

There's always something I've always
wanted to do, but I was too embarrassed

with the kids in the house. There are no
kids in the house now.

All right, I'm going to do it. Okay, do
it, do it. Are you ready? What is it?

Abby, I love you!

Oh.

Oh.

Now, listen, listen.

We only have 47 hours, 55 minutes, and
13 seconds left.

First things first.

I have a present for you.

That's funny, because I have a present
for you.

Beautiful. Don't you think that this is
too short? No. I think it's greater

cuteness. Please, don't start. I'm
sorry.

How's your appetite?

It's good. What are we going to eat? I
was thinking of moogoo guy pan, but I

can't figure out how to cut the recipe
from ten to two.

Divide by five.

I want to propose a toast.

A toast to the thing that parents
everywhere cherish the most.

Privacy. Here, here.

It's so good.

Now, close your eyes.

Close my eyes? Yes, I want you to look
into the future.

Got it?

Got it.

All right.

What is it going to be like when all the
kids have... finally moved out of the

house. Ah, yes, I see us taking long
vacations in exotic paradises.

You are in a lava lava. I am in my
sarong.

What else?

Yes.

We don't have to lock the bedroom door
anymore, and you finally write that

bestseller about your crazy life with
eight kids, and they make it into a

and of course they insist that I play
myself.

Well, what about me? You said I had
acting ability.

Oh.

Maybe a mustache would help.

Oh, no. My mustache is turning gray.

We'll also spend a lot of time with our
grandchildren.

Grandchildren?

Grandchildren.

Do you realize that if each one of your
kids has at least one child, we'll be

babysitting every night?

Imagine Nicholas is a father.

Oh, no.

Stop it. It's depressing. It makes me
feel so old.

You want to dance, Baylor?

I thought you'd never ask.

You've got great moves.

I told Jim Kelly everything you know.

Oh, no.

Take it.

Max.

Tom. Daisy.

Well, now that we've introduced each
other... Well, we just happened to see

lights on, so we thought we'd drop by.

Well, actually, I just came by to check
up on Nicholas.

Oh, yeah, when Nicholas went camping
with all the other children.

Tell him why the fire. It's warm in
here.

Isn't the air conditioning on, too?

Well, I was cold.

Oh, but I was warm, and so we
compromised.

Of course, we like each other.

How long have you felt like this? Maybe
I should give you both a fast checkup.

No, no. Listen, Max.

Can I speak to you for a second in the
kitchen?

Sure.

You're probably wondering why I'm
wearing this outfit.

No, no, no. I understand.

You got cute knees.

I understand.

What's going on here, Abby?

Oh, nothing.

That's the problem.

Daisy, we've got to go.

Oh.

Let's see.

Where were we?

Oh, right.

Well, um, I think we were right about
here.

Oh. I'm sorry. That's okay. It's really
hard. It's okay.

Wait,

I feel this better.

Okay.

You want some wine?

Oh, yes.

Please, that would be nice. Good.

White, red.

But we only have red.

Okay. Wait.

Look at this. Tom. What is the matter
with me? Are you all right? No.

I'm bleeding to death. No.

Oh, Abby.

Oh, Tom. This isn't going the way I
wanted it to go. Never mind that. I

like it.

I don't care about the cut. It's awful.

I'm not enjoying myself. Oh, it's all
right.

Oh, Tom. Does it hurt?

I'm sorry. Oh, I can't stand pain.

I know.

Abby, look.

Oh, right. I wonder what else they
forgot.

Coming.

Well, Elizabeth forgot her bathing suit,
and Susan forgot her hat, and here's

Nancy's camera.

Tommy's binoculars. Yep.

Nicholas's down jacket.

Right. Maybe my little general routine
wasn't so far off.

Maybe those kids do need us.

I don't know about us, but, I mean, I
guess they need a first aid kit, right?

Yeah, I know. That bothered me, too. But
maybe one of the other campers will

have one, don't you think?

Well, I... I would suppose so, yes.

Why do we always have to be parents?
Even criminals get time off for good

behavior. But, Tom... What are we
talking about? We schemed for a whole

that we'd have privacy this weekend, and
what do we do? We spend the whole

weekend worrying about the kids.

This is craziness.

Parents have rights, too. I am not going
to let those kids rule our lives.

But, Tom, what about this stuff? I mean,
the kids probably need this stuff,

right?

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Uh -oh.

Shucks, we missed Johnny Carson.

Oh, Abby, I've got a question.

The answer is yes.

No, no, no.

Besides that, what should we do for the
rest of the weekend?

I don't know. What do you want to do?

I don't know, Marty. What do you want to
do?

I don't know.

Oh, wait a minute. I almost forgot
something.

What?

This is for privacy.

What? Oh, something I picked up in case
our little plan didn't work.

A pup tent for two.

Well, life's real rough in the
wilderness.

I didn't sleep a wink, Nick.

We're all swimming.

Very funny.

I wonder if anybody tried to call me
here.

Come on, come on. Hey, wait a minute. I
get to shower you guys. I get there

first. This is no fair. This kid weighs
a ton.

Wait a minute now. Aren't you kids going
to give us a hand with all this stuff?

Thank you. Well, we learned one thing.

What? Next time we want privacy, just
give those kids a job to do and let

take its course.

Oh, it was a small price to pay. I
thought it was a lovely weekend.

At least we were alone.

We were alone.

Oh, my sunburn. My poison.