Original subtitles

We'll show that Kenny P. Landers. Yeah, we'll show him. Yeah, he won't push us

around anymore, huh?

Yeah, wait until I tell him my big sister's gonna beat him up. Uh, no,

that's not the idea. Listen, after I give you a few lessons, you'll be able

handle that Kenny P. Landers with one hand. All by yourself.

I'd rather watch you handle him with both hands. No, Nicholas.

But you said us.

Well, that's just trainer's talk.

You can't have other people fight your battles.

Why not?

People won't respect you. Will they respect me if Kenny P. Landis clobbers

again? We'll just have to make sure that you clobber him first, eh? All right,

land one in there. Come on, let's go, baby. Let's go, let's go.

I got a better idea. Maybe you should teach me to run fast.

Come on, come on.

Where's the champ, eh?

There's a magic in the early morning we found.

When the sunrise smiled on everything around.

It's a portrait of the happiness that we feel and

all we will.

Oh, it is enough to fill our.

And our days like bright and shiny new dimes.

If we're ever puzzled by the changing times.

There's a plate of homemade wishes on the kitchen window

sill.

And eight is enough to fill our...

They say that we owe them $1 ,400.

Oh, I know.

You know that we owe Western Furniture Gallery $1 ,400?

Well, so do you. It's for this desk that you bought me because you wanted me to

stay away from yours, a man's desk in his castle.

Oh, and it bothered you so much that you went out and spent $1 ,400?

No, of course not. It should be $140. The computer added an extra zero.

All right, so the computer slipped a disc, but I still think we should do

something about it. They're threatening to repossess. I was waiting for them to

bill us correctly.

I call them every week.

You call?

Abby, this is a place of business. When they hear a woman's voice, they think

they can give her the runaround.

Is that so?

Yes. We have to show them that they're not dealing with some hysterical

housewife. Remind me to call them up in the morning. I'll fix it all up.

Well, maybe I should have Tommy or David remind you in a man's voice.

Now what did I say that was wrong? Oh, just about everything.

Wait, play this one next, okay, Tony?

Okay.

Hey, since when have you two guys been sharing a record collection?

Oh, since El Cheapo here noticed the two of us were wasting money by buying the

same albums twice.

Yeah, this is a great one right here, Mary.

It's the new album from Oedipus and the Mothers. Frankly, Tommy, that name just

gives me a complex.

Pretty catchy, huh? Stick around, you're gonna like it. No, thanks, Mom.

Actually,

Tommy, I came in here to ask you something. If it's about Abby's speech

you're wasting your breath.

Time to rock and roll.

And you want to drive all alone to Glacier Lake and rent a cabin for the

weekend, and that's it? That's all you want? You mean you don't mind? Of course

I mind. It's dangerous, it's remote, and... And what, Dad?

And expensive.

That's it. It's too expensive.

Wait a minute, Dad.

David gets to go camping whenever he likes.

Wait, Dad, don't say it. David is different.

That's right. David pays his own way. Oh, come on, Dad. There it is again. The

same old smoke screen. David's not a daughter. David's got a job.

Well, I've had jobs.

That's the problem. You've had six jobs in the last two months. For which I was

badly overqualified.

Now, look, when you can get three consecutive paychecks, we'll talk.

Right now, can we change the subject before we ruin this lunch that you're

buying me?

Now, let's see.

What should I have? Whatever you can afford, Dad.

Whatever I can afford? I thought you were taking me to lunch. Oh, you're not

suggesting that two helpless females pay for a man's meal.

I'll have a jumbo salad.

Yeah, and I'll have a steak and lobster.

I still must be saying something wrong.

Look, Tommy, can't you reconsider? This is going to be a big evening for Abby.

We should all be there with her. Look, it's only a speech. No, really, it's

than that. I mean, being the keynote speaker at Women's Week Open House is a

honor. Abby was hand -chosen by the school board.

Yeah, and I was hand -chosen to mow this lawn, which is making me too tired to

go anywhere tonight.

Tommy, you know you are going to be the only member of this family that won't be

there to cheer her. Yeah, I wouldn't cheer anyway.

If a bunch of females get off on listening to speeches about how equal

then that's fine, but I'm not interested.

Boy, I never realized before, you are a sexist.

No, in this house, I'm just a member of a downtrodden minority. Now get out of

my way and let me slave.

That rotten David.

Why blame him, Susan? Why not?

Look, I resent the fact that Dad lets David have a life of his own, but not

It's because David can pay for what he wants. Uh -uh, it's because David's

We could take care of ourselves at Glacier. It's not fair.

Well, if you just want to sit around feeling sorry for yourself.

Oh, now, what's that supposed to mean?

It means, Susan, I just heard the eloquent Tom Bradford paint himself

a corner. Huh?

Well, he didn't say we couldn't take the cabin. He just said we couldn't pay for

it. No, but that's not what he meant.

I know, but that's what he said. And I, for one, am going to make him stick to

it. How?

By getting a good job. That'll pay for the trip. And by calling Dad's bluff.

Never happened. Behind that financial smokescreen lurks the real Tom Bradford.

Nancy, our Dad's a chauvinist.

If that's the way you want to look at it, fine.

But I will send you a postcard from Glacier Lake.

See ya.

Good luck.

Excuse me?

What is it, sweetheart?

Key to the restroom or courteous free directions?

No, I... Well... Squeak a little louder, will you? I can't hear you. The job.

I'd like to apply for the job.

Oh.

Hi.

What is this, a gig?

No, no, it's a job. I need a job. And the sign says it pays $4 an hour.

I know what it pays.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Something tells me it just wouldn't work out.

Like what?

Like your high heels, your skirt, and your nail polish.

I'm looking for a gas jockey here, honey. What am I going to do with a

girl who could stop traffic?

Forget it.

come to think of it, we could use some more traffic around here. Sure, why not?

You know, I gotta broaden my horizons, keep in step with the times. Oh, thank

you, sir. You're not gonna regret this. You know, I really appreciate an

employer who believes in equal opportunity.

Thank you, thank you.

Well, let me tell you something, kid.

There's nobody in the gas biz who believes more in opportunity than your

here, Artie.

sure you don't mind, because if you do, I can march right upstairs and put on a

tie. Listen, Tom, if you don't want to go, I understand.

Well, it was a tiring day, and... Is Nicholas ready yet?

Uh -oh, you're changing the subject. That means you're mad. Who's mad?

You've had a long day. You must be exhausted.

Exactly. Maybe before we leave, I should help you to the couch.

Oh, now you just gave me the harpoon. That means you're really angry. Don't

it. I'm not angry, Tom. I'm just... I'm hurt.

I mean, I know you don't like speeches, and I know this is a long speech, but it

is my speech, and I hoped you'd at least be interested to hear what I had to

say. Oh, is that all that's bothering you? Yes, Tom, that's all. Well, I know

what you said. I read your speech last night. And?

And it was nice. It was good. It was well -constructed, good style, and it

didn't have any of the usual grammar problems, you know, and syntax.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Why do all of a sudden I fear for my life?

You looked it over for mistakes?

Oh, no, not exactly. It's just that I was interested in you. I like you. But

it lacks the logic and incisiveness of a Mr.

Tom Bradford article, is that it?

You said that. I didn't say that. That's right, I said that, but I'm through

talking. Is Nicholas ready yet?

How could you?

Wasn't easy.

Oh!

Nicholas! Nicholas, what's wrong? What's happening?

You okay?

Oh, it hurts. Where did it hurt?

Well, I think it's my appendicyclist.

Your appendicyclist?

Your appendix, Nicholas, is down here.

Oh, oh. Well, you know how the pain travels a lot, you know?

Mm -hmm.

So when did this start? You were okay at dinner.

Oh, dinner. Dinner was my big mistake.

So I guess this means you won't be going with us tonight?

Oh, yeah.

Talk about your wrong luck.

Guess I'll see you later.

Nicholas isn't coming. Let's go.

What's with Nicholas?

His appendix burst.

Why? Oh, don't worry. It'll unburst as soon as the girls and I leave.

Oh. That was David that called. He's got a hot card game and won't be joining.

Well, look, I'll go up and change.

Oh, just forget it, Tom.

I will not be patronized. For now, I just want to get out of here before I

something you'll regret. But, Abby, I... Now, listen.

Why are they angry?

I can't figure these women out.

I'm tired.

Abby, you'll never guess who I had lunch with today.

No, but that's close. It was Nancy and Susan.

They took me to this restaurant down on Lock Street at Daycare.

Oh, yes. Now, you was very good, very tasty, you know.

Cute isn't going to work.

Listen, Abby, I didn't get over to the furniture store, but I'll get around to

it tomorrow.

You didn't happen to hear from them, did you?

Oh, that's good. No reason to bother you with it.

Oh, no. Not the door.

She's getting very good at that.

Abby was so depressed that the guys didn't show up.

I mean, besides that speech, she didn't say a word all evening.

I don't blame her a bit.

And Tommy is the worst. He's so obnoxious, so insensitive.

Tommy? What about David?

We lost him to a card game with the boys.

Yeah. The rooster party.

Now, supposing that tonight, instead of Abby, it was Dad being honored.

What do you think the chances would be that one of us would get out of it?

Slender. Right.

It's much easier to take women for granted than it is to treat them with

dignity. Aren't we being just a bit oversensitive?

Wrong. The problem is we have been under -sensitive to the sexist structure of

this family. Yeah, and the question is, what are we going to do about it? Oh,

don't tell me you guys are still sitting around feeling sorry for yourselves.

We're not guys, Nan.

You know something? I do not understand you. Doesn't it bother you that Dad

won't let you go to Glacier Lake?

Well, sure it does, Mary.

But instead of complaining, at least I went out and did something about it.

Gosh, Mary, you know, I really thought you'd be proud of me. Proud of you for

what?

Well... I'm the first woman ever to work at Artie's Octoline gas station.

Don't you see, guys? I'm a barrier breaker.

Oh, and that's why you took the job, right? To strike a blow for feminism.

No, actually, I took the job because of the money.

Yeah.

Well,

at least I do have the satisfaction of knowing I didn't get this job simply

because I was a woman.

I got it because, uh...

Artie thinks I'm very intelligent and more than capable of doing the job.

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, gosh.

What for?

Oh, this thing in my jig got stuck and I spilled gas all over your car. Relax.

Don't worry. I'll take care of it later.

What time do you get off work?

Well, if my boss catches you doing this for me, it may be in the next ten

seconds. Terrific. I'll drive you home.

Thank you.

I like that.

Frankly, no.

I think the only thing Nancy knows about a car is that the rearview mirror is

too small to do your hair by.

I should have known you'd be totally blind to her exploitation.

Exploit what?

David, would you open your eyes for once?

Look at that. Claude Hardy is using her as a sex symbol to push his air

-polluting gasoline.

I'm going to straighten your mouth. No. You want to get her in trouble?

No, dummy. I'm trying to save her.

Just calm down.

Nancy, do you know what you're doing? Yeah, I'm making $4 an hour if I could

some cooperation around here. Exactly what I'm trying to tell Mary.

You know, you don't even care if your little sister here suffers indignity and

degradation. Hey, could you argue later, guys? I've got other customers.

Come on, Mary, let her work.

Yeah. This is not work. This is sexist oppression.

And the only reason that you don't see that, David Bradford, is because you're

one of the oppressors.

I suppose I oppressed you into a free ride.

That's a cheap shot.

You're calling me cheap.

Among other things, yes.

Oh, really?

Well, I guess you'll have a lot of time to think about all those other things

while you're walking home.

While I'm doing what?

Come on. Get out. Get out. I'm not going to die. Are you serious?

Are you David Bradford?

Who the heck were they?

Never saw them before in my life.

Gee,

there's more.

Creeps coming in here every day.

The billing problem can be solved.

Well, yes, you just come down here and ask for me, Mr. Allen.

I really must go. Do I have a customer waiting? Yes, thank you. Bye.

Now, what can I do for you, Mr. Brandon?

No, no, no. It's Bradford.

You charged me $1 ,400 for a desk.

That's impossible.

We have no $1 ,400 desks. Exactly. You overbilled me ten times the actual

amount. I have the sales slip right here.

Ah.

I see it now.

Naughty, naughty computer.

Yes, naughty, naughty indeed.

You know, it's not like I'm a new customer. I'm still paying you off on my

living room set.

We appreciate your coming down to clarify this, Mr. Brandon.

No, no, it's Bradford.

I'm sorry I took so long. I shouldn't have delegated the responsibility.

But I have here a check for $140.

Now, if you could just use that to have a man -to -man talk with your naughty,

naughty computer, I think we can both go about our business.

You know Mr.

Bradford. I'd like to thank you for being so sensible and coming to the

the matter.

Usually, I have only hysterical housewives to deal with.

I know what you mean. Don't take it personally, but...

There is a lot of that going on these days.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, no!

Jody!

Look at my shirt.

Hey, not bad. but I wouldn't have bought one with a burn in it. I'll take the

$18 .95 plus tax that the shirt costs and an apology to go with it, Joanie.

Oh, you will, huh?

Only a dimwit could do this. Next time, why don't you daydream while you're

ironing your own shirts, will you? Oh, boy.

Young Prince Tommy II, huh?

Oh, go ahead. Call me names. All I'm asking is that you guys respect a guy's

property. What about respecting a woman's feelings, huh?

We're talking about my shirt. I don't even understand what your feelings have

do with it.

Boy, you sure don't.

I'll tell you something, Tommy. Until you do, you can just iron your own

All right.

This is boring.

And it was this Humpty Bogart anyway.

Humphrey Nicholas.

Not Humpty. Humphrey. But who is he?

If you quiet and watch this, you might find out.

But I want to watch the back.

Basketball game.

Well, what am I supposed to do? Miss the end of the movie just so you can watch

a dumb basketball game?

I need some hands to set the table.

They don't have to be large hands and they don't have to be female.

Can't you take a hint?

What hint?

Abby needs help in the kitchen.

Oh, good. Then I'll be alone to watch the basketball game.

No, Nicholas.

Just this once, we're not going to do it your way. There were other people in

this family, and I'm not moving until this movie is over.

Hey, where's the basketball game?

Yeah, all right.

I can't believe this.

I don't believe this.

David can hang his jacket anywhere in this house, and he chooses the floor.

Because he knows you'll pick it up. But he never used to do that.

Elizabeth. Is this just my imagination, or lately have the guys been treating us

like... Like second -class citizens? No, actually, I was thinking of third

-class.

No, it's not your imagination, and we're all getting pretty angry about it.

Well, when did things get so out of hand around here?

Why am I picking this up?

I'm going to see how long it sits there. Hello.

I saw David's van outside. Does that mean the game has started?

Tom, this is a chair. It's not a closet hook or hanger. Chairs are for people,

not jackets.

This... is a jacket.

There's a place for jackets, and we both know where that place is.

All right, all right. You made your point.

I hope so.

I think she should have to pay for it. Yeah, you're right.

See, Nicholas agrees with me. Yeah, big deal. You don't think you ought to pay

me for ironing your shirts week after week. That's what's really... Excuse me,

there's a TV set on here. Oh, big deal. I want you your own house.

see any of the rotten creeps in this room?

Yeah, I can name one.

Two and a half miles.

David, do you know the last time that I have walked two and a half miles? Why'd

you have to do that, Mary? He knows.

And I'm waiting for an apology from me and Nancy.

Well, then you have a long wait because you don't deserve one and Nancy didn't

ask for one.

David, I found something of yours in the kitchen.

If I have my suspicions, I would still like to know what this is all about.

Respect, dignity, courtesy, fairness.

And it's about time the men in this family got some.

Stop the yelling.

Stop the yelling.

There will be no yelling in this house. Do you understand?

Now, that's better.

Abby and I are going out to dinner.

Now try to behave like ladies and gentlemen, all right? And in our

don't want anything but courtesy, calm, and quiet.

Courtesy. Calm.

Quiet.

I knew I'd encounter it.

I'm getting a headache. Glad to hear it. Good.

You know, that's another problem with women. They never know when to shut up.

kidding. All right, doesn't matter.

Okay, argue all you want, because we're not going to answer you. Okay, guys?

Right.

This mindless provocation isn't going to work.

Maybe it is.

Congratulations.

Oh, yeah?

Really.

Fine, you punk!

Fine! Fine! Fine!

If that's the way you want it, then that's the way you're going to get it.

means war.

Charge!

Let me explain. Forget it, David.

There's nothing that you could say right now that would make me happy.

I assume that this will be cleaned up immediately, if not sooner.

Dad, this is war.

This is also our kitchen.

I don't know how you're going to do it, but when I get down here tomorrow

morning, I expect this place to be spotless.

Spotless? Spotless!

You know, someday they're going to surprise me and grow up. Don't bet on

They take after their father. Come on. I thought we were finished with that

argument. Hardly. Tom, I am perfectly capable of ordering a meal in a

myself. It's just force of habit, and you had no right to embarrass me in

of all those people. Embarrass you? I was the one being treated like a four

-year -old. When are you going to realize that I don't like being treated

an appendage? There's nothing wrong with a man ordering dinner for his wife.

My,

my, we seem to have run out of eggs.

And bacon. And plates.

They didn't run out.

They're just not serving us.

That's correct, Nicholas.

You gentlemen know where everything is.

You can fix your own breakfast.

In fact, you'll be doing a lot of things for yourselves in the next few days.

Oh, I see. The battlefield has been cleared, but the war rages on.

Precisely. And the terms for negotiable settlement are respect and dignity.

I see.

All right, Nicholas, you better go get the zappies and some bowls. It looks

we're on our own this morning.

Ah, airmail.

Let's see, what do we have here?

It's a furniture store. Guess what? I went down there yesterday and I gave

140...

$12 .60. How can I owe them $12 .60?

It's simple.

I mean, they obviously subtracted $140 from $1 ,400, moved the decibel two

places. No, no, no. I went over that with them step by step.

Oh, Tom, don't take it so hard. I know stores like this. They hear a man's

voice, they think they can give him the runaround.

All right, Nicholas, bring on the happy zappy.

It's 50 -50 time. I'm not sharing my record collection with a crazy person.

Okay, that's fine with me.

Hey, no, no, wait a minute. I want the Springsteen album.

Then go buy it. Possession is nine -tenths of the law.

How many nights a week do you want to use the stereo?

Seven. Yeah, well, you'll have custody of it Mondays and Wednesdays and one

night during the weekend.

I don't think we have anything further to discuss.

We made ourselves perfectly clear.

You mean you won't iron my shirts?

Okay. Okay?

If that's the way you want it.

Be prepared to suffer the consequences.

You're bluffing.

Yes.

Right. Well, he just walked in. Just a minute, please.

It's the furniture store. They'll be presenting our debt tomorrow at 5 p .m.

hello. Listen, I gave you a check for $140.

I don't care what your computer says.

Just talk to Mr. Allen, would you? He'll explain everything.

Mr. Allen.

All right, forget it. What do you say I owe you? $12 .60?

Very good. You'll have it in the morning.

What are you doing? What am I doing? I'm getting a desk off my back. They say

they will end this thing once and for all if I give them $12 .60.

Well, very good. Then so be it.

That's so typical.

I'm not listening.

Men try to buy their way out of everything. What they can't take care of

intellectually, they take care of financially.

Now, I'll bring this over to them in the morning, and that will be the end of

it. Wait.

Tommy, what are you doing? I'd just like to take this opportunity to point out

that there are plenty of things that the guys do around here that you girls take

for granted, like the laundry.

Tommy.

Now, I could go throw this out on the front lawn, but I guess I made my point.

I'll just be a man about it.

That's one for our side, Dad.

Somebody's got to be in charge of our laundry. I made a fool of myself last

night. Mary, I thought you did the laundry.

Oh, no, Tommy took over last year.

Last year? So I was informed.

You know, I never thought to ask.

Hey, come on, Elizabeth, the cause, huh? What do you say? Yeah.

Okay, I'll volunteer.

Good. Two, take everything to the cleaners. The cleaners? No, no,

look, you're missing the point. If you take our laundry to the cleaners, you're

going to be proving Tommy right.

I don't want him getting any satisfaction out of this. Really?

Okay, when you put it that way, I guess it makes sense. Good. And don't forget

the fabric softener. I like my jeans soft.

Bye. And if you really want to impress me, try mowing the lawn, front and back,

somewhere to the tune of half an acre. Bye, Tommy. Bye -bye. Hey, that's fine,

Tommy. We'll mow the lawn.

Hey, you want the house repainted? We'll do that, too, because we want to...

Thanks for the help.

Oh, I'm not interested in your petty quarrels. At least when I work, I get

See ya.

Drink, traitor!

Grease monkey!

The girls are starting to crack. I'm seeing signs of surrender.

Surrender? They're out there right now mowing the lawn.

And very badly.

You know, I think we ought to make the first gesture.

Oh, no. Here it comes.

Let's be big about this. Let's apologize.

Yeah, let's apologize.

I hate washing things.

Nicholas, this thing isn't just about washing clothes and mowing lawns.

Well, then what's it about?

Well, it's sort of complicated. It has to do with men and women and, uh, sex

roles. Sex roles?

Am I old enough to know about sex roles?

Here, Nicholas, hold this.

It's a sex roll.

You guys are putting me on.

Oh, hiya, kid. We're here from the furniture store. Your folks should be

expecting us. Oh, yeah, for the desk?

Desk? No, actually... Oh, that's right, kid, the desk.

Oh, well, I guess you can come in. The desk's in the living room, and my

are upstairs.

Thanks, kid.

Why am I upset?

Because I come home looking for some love and affection.

What about respect?

Oh, here we go again. I respect you. I respect you. What do you want me to do,

build a shrine in your honor? Oh, come on, Tom.

Talk is cheap. You don't show respect with mere words.

I don't know what it is that you want. We're simply trying to make a point.

What is the point? That Nicholas should wash the dishes and Susan should mow the

lawn? No, that the women in this house are people, too, and we won't tolerate

being treated as second -class citizens.

Look, Tom, I know you think that this whole war thing is childish, and maybe

you're right, but if it's opened a few eyes around here, then maybe it's been

worth it.

What is this? Nicholas, what happened?

Well, some guys from the store came and said they wanted the desk.

All right, this is a warning.

If any of you feel compelled to say something cute, you can go and find

another place to live.

What's the lawyer saying, Dad? Shh, Nicholas.

All right.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Well?

Western Furniture Galleries has what is known as a revolving credit plan. When

we didn't pay for the desk in the required 90 days, they claimed they have

right to repossess our living room, which we'd bought on time and are still

paying for.

But, Dad, you paid them an additional $12.

Tell me about it. Well, who repossesses furniture for $12?

Not who.

But what?

Our computer, Mr. Bradford. I'm afraid it's only aware of the fact that you owe

money, not how much. Well, don't you think that somebody should tell us? Tom,

please. Don't please me. As far as I'm concerned, this store can kiss my future

business goodbye.

We appreciate your anger, Mr. Bradford.

Personally, I find this whole situation regrettable. Oh, really? Now, look, I

paid $152 for a $140 desk. Now, how can I possibly owe you money?

You see...

You owed us $12 .60.

Well, then you made a payment of $12 .60.

But I'm afraid there's still a balance showing in the balance owed column.

Yeah, $0 .00.

That's what I owe you, $0 .00.

Isn't it funny how things work, pal? No, it's not funny. Well, when can we get

our furniture back?

Well, I'm afraid that a computer follow -up could take some time to unravel.

Just long enough for me to call my lawyer and sue the chandeliers off this

place.

Um, may I make a suggestion?

Thank you.

My pleasure. Oh, no. The pleasure is all mine.

Usually I only have hysterical husbands to deal with.

Nicholas, eat your dinner.

I'm not so hungry.

But you love pizza.

I loved it the day before yesterday.

I liked it yesterday.

I don't like it so much today.

Yeah, well, it's convenient and they deliver.

They're having a whole meal with lots of courses and strawberry shortcake for

dessert. Yeah, go ahead, Nicholas.

Defect. What does that mean?

Be a fake chicken out. Join the enemy.

All right, Tommy, lay off.

Nicholas, if you want to go in there and have dinner with the women, I'm sure

they'll let you.

Boy, after this, I'm never, ever having pizza again.

Famous last words.

Nicholas, war is heck.

Sure is.

Come in.

Nicholas, what are you doing up?

It's almost midnight.

Hey, are you all right?

You want to come in for a while?

Do you have a bad dream?

What is it, Nicholas?

Can I have a hug?

Of course you can.

One

more

syrup, Nicholas?

No, thanks.

What are you waiting for? Dig in.

You mean undeflected? Uh, you mean defected, don't you?

Yeah. No, Nicholas, what it means is that you're the only male around who had

enough character to admit he was wrong.

Hey, Nicholas, you made pancakes.

Far out.

No, I defected.

They brainwashed you. We can do with pancakes.

Uh, excuse me, Tommy, but for your information, Nicholas and I had a little

last night, and he was man enough to say he was sorry.

Sorry? Sorry about what?

About the way he treated Abby.

About not setting the table. About taking us all for granted.

Unconditional surrender.

Actually, Tommy, I'd call it liberation.

Nicholas, you just sold your birthright for a stack of pancakes.

I didn't either. Girls are people too.

You're brainwashed. Definitely brainwashed.

Hey, Nicholas, can I have a bite of your pancakes?

Repairing automatic transmissions? Sounds romantic.

Nancy, I wonder if I could ask you a favor?

Can't you see I'm busy?

I've decided to become a mechanic.

I know you're all wrapped up in automatic transmissions, but, well, you

you're the only person who can do this for me.

Do what, Elizabeth?

Ask Tommy to borrow the record player.

Now, why would I want to do a thing like that?

So that I can listen to the new Paul McCartney album.

Why don't you ask him?

I can't. We're not talking.

But see, you're a neutral, Nancy. You know, kind of like Switzerland.

I'm flattered.

But I don't feel like being Switzerland at the moment, thank you.

Oh, go ahead and turn a deaf ear on a sister in need.

If automatic transmissions are more important than sisterhood... You're

Women are so emotional.

No, thanks.

I've been doing a lot of walking lately, and frankly, I'm getting used to it.

Listen, would it make you feel any better if I stepped in front of a train?

All right.

Look, Mary, let's face it.

I'm rotten.

I'm selfish.

I'm inconsiderate.

I'm probably the worst brother a girl could have, and I'm an insult to the

race.

Well, at least now you're being honest.

And I brought you something.

A pistachio twirl.

It's half -eaten.

No, it's been melting all over the front seat.

Now it's melting all over my hand. Come on.

All right.

Thanks.

But, you know, an ice cream cone doesn't change things. Oh, sure it does.

At least now we're speaking to each other.

And it gives me a chance to say I'm sorry.

But you're not saying you were wrong.

I don't know if I was wrong or right.

And at this point, I don't even care.

What I do know is that I haven't seen you smile for days.

And I'm sorry if I've taken you and that smile for granted.

You know something?

I remember when we were kids and we had a fight.

I always knew that you were going to make up with me when you brought me the

pistachio twirl ice cream cone. And if I recall correctly, you'd always forgive

me by the time you were finished.

I'll let you know.

So you want to be a mechanic?

Uh -huh.

Terrific, doll, terrific.

Artie, I'm serious.

So am I.

You are?

Absolutely.

I don't like passive women.

I like a go -getter. I like a woman with a little fire.

What do you think, Sardi?

You know what you want.

And I can understand that because I know what I want.

What's that?

A woman who knows what she wants.

Oh.

Oh! You mean me?

Quick, too.

Besides,

How often do you get a chance to spend time with a guy who owns his own

business?

Oh, Artie, this isn't what I had in mind. Look, we're both mature people.

Now, you want something from me, I want something from you.

Have we got a deal?

A deal?

Why, I wouldn't even watch TV with you. You're nothing but a sexist,

chauvinistic, egotistical male.

What's the matter, princess?

Am I too much of a man for you? No, you're too much of a creep for me.

And you can keep the uniform.

Okay, now the purpose of this meeting is simply to talk.

To air out differences.

to find out exactly what happened this week and how to prevent it from ever

happening again.

Or at least not too often.

Now, some pretty strong accusations were made.

Feelings were hurt.

And I think we better clear the air before this thing gets entirely out of

Now, let's be honest, because it's not going to do any good to pull any

Is that agreed?

Yes. Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Who wants to begin?

My sentiments, exactly.

Still, I can't just let you kiss me like that and have everything be all right.

Why not?

You kissed me back.

I lost my head.

Keep your head. I only want your heart.

Oh, Tom, that's not so corny. I can't help it. I get corny when I'm in love.

I also say and do things that cause other people pain, even though that's

worst thing in the world I'd want to do.

Can I interpret that as an apology?

Grab it while it's hot.

friends we're friends until i wish the kids had a pleasure of making up the way

we do i don't think they want to i've never seen them so angry with each other

my gosh oh

what's happening oh my the war's over the

neighbors they don't have to hear us be barking anymore

This is rather sudden, isn't it? Oh, yeah, but war gets to be such a drag

a while. Besides, we work things out. Yeah. And we all deflect.

Oh,

good. We're a family again.

Yeah, I feel like we should sing Auld Lang Syne. Let's all push it, Tommy.

Here comes the last angry brat for now.

Something wrong, Nancy?

What do you care?

All you men care about are yourselves.

Well, let me tell you something. Women are people too, you know. And there

a time when a person gets fed up to here with being taken advantage of.

Right, Mary?

Right,

Joanie?

Yeah, sort of.

Hey, what's going on around here? I thought we were having a war.

Nance, we made up.

You made up?

But they're men.

They're chauvinistic, selfish, egotistical...

Good old dance. Always the last one on the bandwagon. Look at that face. Don't

you think men are cute too?

Come on, Nicholas, you survived.

Not if I hadn't defected. I was almost a goner.

I'll get it.

If it's a man, tell him Nancy isn't here.

Well, wait a minute. I've changed my position.

Men are okay now and then. As long as they're not named Artie. Hey, it's the

guys from the store in the city. Have our furniture!

How'd you beat the computer, Abby? Simply by relating to it on its own

Which is?

It wanted zero dollars and zero cents, so I wrote it a check for zero dollars

and zero cents.

Are they bringing our furniture back in, Tom?

What's the matter?

It's not our furniture.

You win a few, you lose a few.

I'm getting rained out.