Original subtitles

Would it do me any good if I said no?

No. When you were my age, did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?

Let's see. I think I wanted to be a fireman or an astronaut.

No, I was going through my gangster phase. I definitely wanted to be a

My friend Freddy Ryan said, if you don't know what you want to be at the end of

fourth grade, they won't let you go into the fifth grade.

Oh, no. That rule doesn't apply in California.

I mean, you'd be in real trouble if you were in some place like Nebraska or

Pittsburgh.

Well, thanks, Bobby.

Hey, Nicholas.

Yeah? You got any ideas?

About what?

About what you want to be.

A fifth grader.

There's a magic in the early morning we found

When the sunrise smiles on everything

around It's a portrait

of the happiness that we feel and always will

Oh, it is enough to fill our

Oh, we spend our days like bright and shiny new

dimes.

If we're ever puzzled by the changing time.

There's a plate of homemade wishes on the kitchen.

It is enough to fill our lives with love.

Boy, peeling potatoes has got to be a pit.

Potatoes do not have pits.

Want to cut fish heads?

Not with those eyes staring at me.

Yeah, Mary, how can you do it?

This is nothing compared to what I have to do in anatomy class.

We have this cadaver, and his name's Herbert. Talk about letting it all hang

out. I don't want to hear about it.

I don't want to hear about it ever. I know.

I've never felt so right, so comfortable with anyone before ever.

This may sound crazy, but I think I'm in love with you.

Great play. It was great.

Well, I hope your lover doesn't have a worm.

In your last play, the lover was a worm.

Oh, you guys are pretty funny, yeah. You know, this is an original student play.

It's about this relationship, a very special relationship between a married

and a lonely woman.

I play the woman.

That's creative.

Symbol of Love happens to be the best, most sensitive contemporary play I've

read in a long time.

Symbol of Love? Sounds more like a porno movie.

A porno movie? Joanie, are you doing a skin flick?

I thought you would have learned your lesson when you did that play in the

Sounds creative.

Oh, boy.

If you're in trouble with this family, no one has any appreciation for the fine

arts. Yeah, everyone keeps writing phone messages on my finger paintings.

Right.

Philistines.

Yeah.

Philistines. You better lay off that one, Nicholas. It's a fifth grade word.

Just you wait.

I still want to go for a little one -on -one. Not one -on -one.

Oh, I'll throw you a couple of baskets.

Oh, forget it.

What happened to my fish for the jog? Yeah, come jog.

Oh, you fell off the trampoline, Susan. Anybody can do that. Could anybody land

on the judge?

Oh, forget it, Susie, forget it. I mean, just because you lost one gymnast

doesn't mean you have to sweat off sports.

Hey, it's been your whole life.

Hey, don't mention my life. It happens to be over.

Oh. Too bad they don't give gold medals and feeling sorry for yourself.

I could see this coming.

I mean, sooner or later, Susan had to find out that she wasn't exactly Bruce

Jenner. Yeah.

Who is she?

Who knows?

She's never tried anything but sports.

Well, there must be something else you could do that involves physical

There is. You could be a parks and recreation director or a lifeguard.

Or what about a cop? They get to run a lot.

You could join the Marines, the Army.

Elizabeth. How a... about a Girl Scout leader?

Well, what about a cop? They get to jump fences.

Well, there's always marriage and children.

Are you kidding? After growing up in this zoo?

Well, what about a cop? They get to race cars.

Well, maybe while you're trying to decide, you should see one of the career

counselors at school.

I did once.

Did it help?

Definitely. I decided never to become a career counselor.

What about a cop?

That sounds great, Patty.

Yeah, I can hardly wait.

Okay. Okay, I'll talk to you later then.

Bye -bye.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, hi.

How are you? Good. Can I take that for you?

Yeah. I bet you had a hard day at work, didn't you? It was hard.

Aren't you supposed to be on a job interview right now? Well, Dad, I

it. You canceled it?

In fact, I'm never going on another job interview again.

I'm opening up my own business.

A daycare center.

What do you know about daycare centers?

Dad, I grew up in one.

Yeah, well, growing up in one doesn't mean that you're qualified to run one.

do you always have to see the negative side of things, huh? Because I'm a

father. It's my official business. I mean, really, read the father's manual.

It's chapter 10, paragraph 6. It says, always be negative, beat fate to the

punch. I'm sorry.

Look, I admit that since I quit school, I've had some trouble keeping a job. But

not anymore.

Self -employment is the answer.

Besides, at least I can't get fired.

But there are worse things than getting fired. Like going bankrupt.

I just don't think you realize the responsibilities you'd be taking on. Do

know what you'd have to do? You'd have to rent a location, hire a staff, get

permits, solicit customers.

No problem, Dad.

Patty Hoffman, my partner, has taken care of everything.

Her dad's got this old vacant house he's going to let us use, and Patty's

already got six kids lined up. We open next Monday.

Oh. I guess there's nothing I can say to discourage you from this little

venture. So let me remind you of the old Bradford tradition.

Which one?

Which one?

Yes.

If you make a commitment, see it through, do the best you can and give it

everything you've got.

Of course I'm going to give it everything I've got.

That's what the boss ordered.

And I'm the bus.

And I'm a skeptic.

Susan fell off a what?

A trampoline. Oh, did she hurt herself?

Yeah. She shattered her self -image.

Oh, that must be embarrassing.

No, it was worth it. I mean, she fell flat on the truth about herself.

If you're not a sports star by the time you're 20, you might as well just forget

it. Well, she can't forget her whole life. I'd better talk to her. Oh, no,

can't, Dad. She's out.

trying to find herself.

Who's not trying to find herself?

Susan. Well, I could have told her where she was before she left.

Where was that, Nicholas?

In the bathroom, crying.

Just when I needed it.

Hi, everybody.

Hi. Hi, Susan. How'd it go? You're not going to believe it. Believe what?

Perfect. What's perfect?

The career council at school found the perfect solution.

Police work. Law enforcement.

I know I had a good idea.

Boy, and I'm still a fourth grader.

You're going to become a policewoman?

Only for a little while, Dad. After school. And then, maybe Secret Service

the FBI.

Or Charlie's Angels.

Sure.

I don't see what's so funny.

Neither do I.

Have you given this serious thought?

I mean, as serious as possible, considering you got the idea a half hour

Sure, Dad.

I mean, it's perfect. It's full of variety, it's exciting, plenty of

activity. Yeah, you'll get to jump fences and race cars.

Hey, Nicholas, eat your mashed potatoes.

Don't you realize how dangerous it is?

Oh, come on, Dad. Nowadays, eating and breathing is dangerous.

I don't see what the big deal is.

I mean, it's a growing field with room for advancement.

They're growing fine without you.

I think it's great.

Now when I start driving, I can get all my traffic tickets fixed.

Yeah, me too.

Well, I can see I'm not going to get any support from this family, and quite

frankly, that's going to be just fine.

Oh.

What's going on in here? I was practicing driving a dead weight for the

exam, but Johnny refuses to play dead.

Don't look at me.

Or me.

You guys are too light anyway. I need a 140 -pound dummy.

I've got just the person for you.

But you can't... Do this to me. Do you want to go peacefully or have to use

force? I thought you were using force. I've not yet begun to use force. No

kidding. Come on, act it.

I'm too young to die.

Just wait.

I thought you said you were going to call right back. You know, I've been

to hear the scoop on Shelly Ross.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, just a second.

Nancy, Nancy.

Yes, for you.

Oh, thanks.

Hello? Oh, hi, Patty.

What do you mean we can't have the house for another week?

Well, so we won't flush the toilets.

You want to use this place?

Uh, I don't know, Patty.

Well, my father did say to give it all I've got.

I guess that includes my house.

Yeah, okay.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Bye, Dad. Hi, where are you off to so early? To get in some more training.

Oh, what is it this time? Bench jumping or rope climbing?

Rape defense.

Dad, could I talk to you for a second? It's really important.

Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead. What is it? Well, um, it's like this, uh... Would

mind answering the door?

Dad, I think I better say what I have to say first.

Nancy, it's not polite to keep people waiting.

Dad. Just hang on, will you? Dad.

Before you open that door, I've got to tell you something. Just hang on one

second.

That is susceptible to cold, so keep him out of draft.

And make sure he wears this outside.

Jason is allergic to strawberries and cats.

You don't have cats, do you?

I'm sure he gets this medicine at noon and four.

Lori's on a diet, so I'm sure she doesn't eat any more than what's in

if she begs.

Or bites.

Bites?

That's what I was trying to tell you.

Explain. I was trying to.

Paddy's father's house needs some minor repairs for inspection before we can get

our license. So I just... So you just went ahead and volunteered our house?

Well, I had no choice.

Besides, I couldn't very well leave these little darlings with no place to

could I? Nancy, this is not a social agency. This is a house. A very full

What about that old Bradford tradition?

Well, just remind me never to remind you of any old Bradford traditions.

They always come back to haunt me.

All right, you can have one week.

But that's it.

Okay,

kids, let's settle down. Come on, let's get in the living room and get

organized. All right, don't... I know you want to play.

The phone.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Patty.

Yeah, the kids are all here.

Spend for myself for a few days.

Do me a favor, would you?

Get well soon.

I gotta go in the bathroom.

Oh, you do, huh?

Well, it's the first door to your left, up the stairs.

My mommy always takes me.

But I'm not your mommy.

He's not a big boy like you are.

doing downstairs?

Oh, well, all things considered, I guess. Not bad, huh? Yeah.

You guys are ruining my concentration, so... Well, excuse me. I'll just get out

of the way.

Angie Dickinson is all yours.

But watch her. She cheats. She cheats. All right, I'm not gonna cheat this

Angie. Ready?

Up and at them.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Bobby, what's the matter? Why are you crying?

I want some cookies.

Boys, why don't you share your cookies with Bobby? No.

Don't you think you've had enough? No.

Oh, Jody, look at your face. Come on, let's wash your hands. Your mom is going

to kill me.

Look at your clothes.

Oh, God.

Where did you find him? Behind the couch in the sun porch.

Someone's missing.

Lori's under the table.

Why is Lori under the table?

Lori, get out from under the table. You shouldn't be eating potato chips. You're

on a diet.

All right, everybody.

It's nap time.

It's nap time.

We already had a nap.

Well, we're going to have another one.

We want to play.

You want to play.

all these kids out here for, huh? I need you to take care of them for about an

hour. I gotta find this plumber to fix them with the toilet. No way. I mean,

what do you think I got all this stuff out here for? I'm taking the exam

tomorrow. What are they doing? Believe me, you won't even know they're here.

What do you mean I won't even...

Yes, sir.

I leave the key under the mat, I bring my own food, and I'm out by Sunday.

Right, right. Okay. One other thing.

I'm expecting a few business calls.

Uh -huh. So you can leave the messages on this.

Hey. As a matter of fact, check it when you get here, because I might have

something to say to you.

Yes, sir, you've got it. Okay.

Bye -bye.

Okay, bye. Thank you, thank you. Really, you don't know.

I'll remember you on...

of Bradford's residence.

I'm Joanie Bradford, his sister.

Really? Scouts honor.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I'll give them a message, Alyssa. Bye.

Some business call.

you off to now?

I'll find a six -foot wall to scale. Oh, gosh. When are you going to start

leaping tall buildings in a single bound?

Yeah, I wouldn't even accept the fact that I'm serious about this.

You really want to do this, huh?

What, am I scaling six -foot walls if I weren't?

Don't worry, okay?

After this morning, I expected chaos.

Oh. If you'd been here a little earlier, you would have gotten it. Oh, yeah?

Well, I'll take a rain check.

You know, Nancy is a really interesting way with those kids.

How so?

Well, see, every time they wouldn't do what she wanted, which was most of the

time, she'd just yell out nap time. Oh, she picked that up for me.

I used it as a ploy whenever Joan was out of the house.

Never worked for me, though.

Don't feel bad. It didn't work for her, either.

Oh, well.

Another Bradford tradition taking on.

A new life.

Hello? Anybody home?

Hi, David.

Nicholas, where is everybody?

Asleep. At 8 .30?

Yeah. How come?

Shrimps.

Shrimps?

Oh, you mean the kids in Nancy's daycare center?

Yeah, the place is crawling with...

Well, I guess this isn't the time to bum a meal.

There's shrimp prints on the fridge.

Shrimp prints?

Of course.

Hi, family.

Bye, family.

It's been lovely.

Wish me luck. Oh, yeah? Good luck.

What am I wishing you luck for?

I'm about to take the police exam.

I'll take it back.

Oh.

You're still here.

You want something to eat?

Zappies.

Sorry, we don't have any zappies.

Good morning, Dad.

Well, I'm glad to see you two are becoming good friends.

Nancy, can I see you for a moment?

Sure.

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

Something the matter?

Do you realize I just excused myself to a five -year -old?

That's not the point. The point is, when we let him stay here for dinner last

night, that was above and beyond the call of duty.

But letting him spend the night, don't you think that's really overdoing it?

But, Dad, it wasn't my fault his mother couldn't get over here to pick him up.

Her car broke down. Plus, she's having problems with her ex -husband.

May I remind you, we're not running a home for wayward children.

This is a daycare center, not an orphanage.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I promise it won't ever happen again.

Can I at least give him breakfast?

Yeah, you can try, but he doesn't have too much to say.

Although he did manage to convey the fact that we weren't using his kind of

cereal.

And yet...

kept eyeing the toy surprise in our cereal.

Uh, don't pout, Dad.

I'll buy another one.

Hey, what's going on?

Cam! What do you mean, stay out? Nicholas, this room is 60 % mine.

I live here, remember?

I thought it wasn't safe. Any of those shrimps with you?

No shrimps, I promise.

Okay. Hey, you're really building yourself quite a fortress here.

Yeah, well, a guy can't live around little kids all his life.

Yeah, now you understand my problem.

Huh? Ah, skip it. Anyway, when Susan passes her police exam, we'll have some

and order around here.

When does she find out?

Today.

I sure hope so. I can't think much more of this.

Hi, Susan.

Hi.

Something wrong?

Yeah, I'm a woman.

When is that a crime?

Since men started judging the police applicants.

Oh. I guess you didn't pass, huh? Well, what do you expect from a group of male

chauvinists? Oh, wait a minute. Are you sure that's the reason?

Oh, what else could it be?

I mean, the written exam wasn't that hard.

I admit the agility test was no piece of cake, but I did it in the allotted

amount of time.

Okay, so it took me two times to cross the balance beam and scale the wall, but

you're allowed two times.

What you have here is a clear case of male chauvinism.

That's a pretty strong accusation.

Come on, Abby.

It's a male -dominated world. Face it.

Tell them I was right around.

Excuse me.

Yes, ma 'am. Can I help you? Yes, please.

My name is Abby Bradford, and my stepdaughter, Susan Bradford, took the

academy exam and didn't pass.

Many are called, but few are chosen.

Few women, that is.

Sure. You know, women have difficulty in passing the physical examination.

Oh, well, see, I was under the impression that people were beginning to

that women are equal to men. But how are we going to prove that if we're not

even allowed into the arena to compete?

Ma 'am, I don't make the rules.

Now, I can look the applicant's file up and get the exact story.

I'd appreciate that.

You know, there really is no excuse for any kind of discrimination.

when you consider that women are capable of doing anything when they're given

the chance.

It seems your stepdaughter did pass the agility exam.

However, she scored a 58 on the written.

Now, there's just no way you can discriminate against that.

You see, the tests are numbered.

No names.

Uh, yeah, well...

I guess this just proves that women are equally capable of making a mistake.

relationship um hi david this is tony uh i'm really sorry i i promise it'll

never happen again but please keep in mind i am an artiste and not an

service goodbye okay richard richard

the love of my life

Richard, I don't understand why she won't give you a divorce. She doesn't

you, and I do.

I can't stand the thought of sharing with another woman, particularly one

doesn't deserve you.

I know I shouldn't be saying things like this, but... I know I hardly even know

her, but... I can see what she is doing to you, and I don't like it.

Uh -huh.

Sister, my eye.

You can stop worrying about having to share David because we're through.

Did you hear that, David?

you're going to go to London as much as I do.

You're not getting me to watch those monsters. Besides, I'm late for school.

Since when did that ever bother you? Since you started recruiting

Tommy, there's two dollars in it for you.

Make it five and you got a deal.

All right, all right.

Oh, sure.

So when Cinderella busted curfew, she figured, man, she had really blown it.

she split in a hurry and she lost her shoe. And then the prince picked up her

shoe and they lived happily ever after.

No, they didn't. The prince went around the glass slipper.

Hey, kid, you trying to tell me that I don't know this story?

I heard this story before you were born.

Tell another.

Okay.

Once upon a time, there were these seven dwarfs and an old lady that lived in a

shoe. Tis not.

Abby, I'm sorry you went down there and made a fool out of yourself.

It's okay.

I'll get over it. Well, I don't know if I will.

So what are you going to do now?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe I'll become a nun. They don't have written exams.

I don't think you'd like their habit.

No, Abby.

I'm serious.

I know, I know, but listen.

One way to get through something like this is to take a step back and laugh at

yourself, you know? How can I laugh at myself? This is my life.

I know, but that's better than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, which

is what you're doing now.

I don't know what else to do.

I mean, I really tried, and look what happened.

Try again.

You mean take the exam again?

Sure. Try it. Try something else.

Or become a nun.

Could you imagine me as a nun?

Maybe.

And, uh, maybe not.

Off the furniture. Don't jump up the body. Nancy!

What? Nancy?

What?

Do you know that one of your children has been using my anatomy text as a

coloring book?

Are you sure it's one of my kids?

Well, no, Nancy, I can't be sure of that, but I assume that everybody in

family knows how to color within the lines. Well, Mary, you shouldn't be

your books lying around here. I do not consider things in my room or my desk

just laying around.

Yuck!

Oh, Elizabeth, you're just the person I wanted to see. You're just in time. Who

put peanut butter on the phone and in time for what?

Oh, never mind.

And if you're looking for jelly, there's some on the kitchen phone. Okay.

Hey, Susan, is it true you may not become a cop?

Not unless I do a whole lot better on the next exam, Nicholas.

Well, I wouldn't worry about that if I were you. Yeah, well, I'm worried

Look, if they give you a bad grade on the next test, just bust them.

Susan. Oh, oh, what is it now, Nancy? Another leaky toilet.

the bank before it closes.

Oh, and as usual, I'm the only available taxi.

Well, Elizabeth isn't quite in the right frame of mind at the moment, and Mary's

at home, but I wouldn't trust those kids to a woman with a scalp.

Nancy, do you realize that what you're doing, when you're doing it, that is, is

illegal, and I could run you in for running an unofficial daycare center?

Susan, we're trying to get a license, but we can't get a license until we pass

inspection. And we can't pass inspection until we get the plumbing fixed. And we

can't get the plumbing fixed until we get more money.

Okay, so we ask the mothers to pay two weeks in advance.

But one mother can't because her child support check hasn't come in. And

mother won't because her kid gained three pounds, and she's accusing me of

feeding junk food to a minor. All right, all right, all right, I'll do it.

Scram.

I owe you one, Susan.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'll never forget it.

You are...

a nice straight line. I want you to be quiet. Okay, that's very good.

Now, we're not going to have any more of this running around the house and

jumping up and down on the furniture and fighting. We're going to have fun and

we're going to play together and we're going to play together nice. Now, does

everybody understand that?

Good. Now, I'll tell you what we're going to do.

What are you making there, Michael?

It's a windmill.

Now, Michael, this isn't your crayon, is it?

No, this is my crayon. I let you use this crayon. Do you believe that?

From chaos to calm and one easy step?

I get the feeling now that you're doing something wrong.

I guess you should have learned from your father that the naptime theory of

education just doesn't work.

Now, if I can share my crayon with you, why can't you share your crayon with

Bobby?

Well, if you can't share them with Bobby, I think I'm just going to have to

them all up and put them away.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Patty.

No, Nancy's not here right now, but she should be back pretty soon.

Can I take a message?

Wait a minute. She's coming right now.

Nancy, it's Patty. Oh, thanks.

Hi, Patty.

Feeling better?

Mono!

At least six weeks in bed?

What could possibly be worse than that?

I'm sorry I asked.

We can't have the house for at least another month.

Hey, Mitchell.

Alyssa, this is Joanie.

Joanie, Alyssa.

Uh, yeah, we've met, David.

Now, would you tell Alyssa who you really are and try to be convincing?

Alyssa, I am his sister.

Really.

Would I have brought you here to meet her if she was my girlfriend or my wife?

I don't know.

Some people believe in open relationships.

Besides, for a sister, she spends an awful lot of time here. And how do you

explain that conversation I overheard? What? What conversation?

Symbol of love?

Richard, I've dreamed of you all my life.

And now that I've met you, I can't let you just walk out.

Wife or not.

Satisfied? No.

That was the worst reading I have ever heard.

Johnny, I hope you do better with the part.

Thank you, thank you.

Oh, okay. Now this is all cleared up, right, David? I mean, there won't be any

future misunderstandings, I promise.

No, there certainly won't, because this is your last scene in this theater. It's

curtain time, Joanie. Oh, no, David, David, please don't send me back home to

that female Beretta, those miniature sweat hogs. I'm sorry, you've gotten the

hook. Don't call us, we won't call you.

Well, you know, you're just like the rest of the family. You don't have any

appreciation for the fine art.

You are definitely brother and sister.

And I'm definitely not like the rest of my family. I have a great appreciation

for fine art.

Michael, you come down here right this second.

I know you're up there.

You better come down here. I'm not coming up after you.

Okay, you hurt?

You hurt? Where you hurt? Your knee? Is that where it hurts? Let me see. Can you

unbend it?

Oh, there you go. Look, it's okay. Come bend it. It's okay.

Can you come up here and talk to me?

Oh, you're heavy.

There you go.

Oh, such a brave guy you are. I like brave guys.

Must be your police training. Down there. You're okay, huh?

You okay?

Oh, we're going to be friends.

Yeah. We're friends. Smile, you know.

I see a little smile.

Let me see. There you go.

Yeah. There, see?

Can I see you in here for a minute, please?

You know,

if that youngster had really hurt himself, my insurance would have gone

the roof faster than my blood pressure.

Thank God today is your last day in this house.

Dad, I was meaning to talk to you about that.

Do you think we could use this place for another month?

Another month?

Our deal was originally set for one week, which has already turned into ten

days. But it's not my fault the other house needs extensive repairs.

If those kids stay here another month, this house is going to need extensive

repairs. Not to mention Abby and me.

Dad, there are working mothers out there relying on me. I made a commitment to

them. Oh, really?

I thought that your commitment was to the idea of being self -employed so you

couldn't get fired.

I didn't know it was to the working mothers.

So what do you expect me to do?

Abandon the ship? Oh.

All right. You can stay for two more days.

But that's my final offer. I mean, if you can't come up with a solution by

well, then you'll have to bail yourself out on your own.

Commitment or no commitment?

Yes, sir.

Thanks, Dad.

Oh, I don't know how I ever let myself get involved in this whole thing. So

quit.

Quit?

How do I quit?

I'm the boss.

Then fire yourself.

Fire myself.

Right. How do you fire yourself?

Simply, you just say, Nancy, you're fired.

Nancy, you're fired.

Now, wasn't that easy?

Mm -mm.

Oh, what am I going to do with those little monsters?

I didn't mean that.

They're really very cute.

I know. Why don't you hire someone to help?

Are you kidding, Elizabeth?

I'm barely making enough money for myself.

Well, then, maybe you can get someone to take over the business.

Yeah. Who would want it?

I want it.

Good!

So just take it. Oh, yeah, just like that. Oh, come on, Susan, why not? Look,

Nancy's obviously not equipped for this job.

I mean, she doesn't belong in a daycare center. Really, any more than I belong

in the FBI.

Oh, Lucy.

Come on, last week you were just looking for alternatives, right?

Now, this week you've got one. You found it. Children.

And education. I mean, you like the kids.

And you were good with them, too.

Do you really think so?

Yeah.

Okay. What?

My first move.

All right, this is good. Okay, look, the first thing you have to do is overthrow

Nancy because she is driving us out of this house.

Well, I can't just walk in there and push her over. Get out of here. No, no,

I think she'd be really glad if someone stepped in and took over now because, I

mean, if she knew what she was doing, would she be coming to us all the time

help? I mean, she's going crazy.

Well, what do I say to her? How do I handle it?

What's the most logical way?

Buy her the new hair dryer she wants. No, Susan, you just go to her and you

her.

Tell it like it is.

Yeah, right.

Right, and then if that doesn't work, then you buy her the new hair dryer she

wants.

Okay? Okay.

And with David's proxy, it makes it a basic Bradford majority.

We're getting a little formal, aren't we? Well, we figured if we made a verbal

protest, Nancy's little monsters would arrive in the middle and drown us out.

Anyway, this shows how serious we are.

Serious? We're desperate. Dad, this can't go on. Yeah, I'm so busy taking

little shrimps to the bathroom, I don't even have time to go myself.

Whereas immediate action is needed to protect the very existence of this

I'll sign. No, Dad, we don't want you to sign it.

We want you to enforce it today.

Do you realize you're asking your father to throw six small children out into

the street?

We'd prefer it if he threw them all the way to Stockton.

No, no, Abby has a point. I promised Nancy two more days. Well, we won't last

two more days. But it's this way, Dad. It's either the midget monsters or us.

Yeah, no more shrimps.

Give me a break, will you? I just got in here.

I don't want the bathroom. I want your daycare center.

Do you really mean that?

Yeah, I really mean that.

No offense, Nancy, but I don't think you handle the kids too good.

Susan, you're right.

I don't know what it is, but you seem to have the knack.

Well, we'll see.

Do me a favor.

Sure. Fire me.

You're fired.

Oh, Susan, thank you.

You don't know how happy I am to hear those two little words.

Oh, no.

Don't tell me they're here already.

Hey, don't worry about it. It's my job. You've been fired.

Oh, yeah. I'll get it.

Hey, Susan.

What? I don't know what I'm not going to do.

Well, you could become a cop as much as you like.

Oh.

Nobody shouts. We're all going to listen to each other. Okay?

Susan?

Yeah? Do we have to take a nap right away?

No, Jody. We don't.

Hello?

Thought you could use some fuel. Reading my mind again.

Good cup of coffee, relative peace and quiet. This is getting like the good old

days. You know, you have to hand it to Susan. She really knows how to handle

those kids.

She certainly does.

That's why it's too bad it has to end tomorrow.

Oh, please, Abby, don't start that again. Tom, I just don't think it's fair

commend her for such a good job she's doing and then take it all away.

I mean, we should at least give her time to find an alternative solution.

Abby, cut it out. I've already made up my mind. Tom.

Hi.

Am I interrupting anything?

No, as a matter of fact, we were just talking about you. Come on in.

We were discussing your taking over Nancy's business.

And Abby seems to think I should give you more time to come up with a solution

for this location problem.

I tried, Susan.

And I couldn't agree with her more.

I mean, after all, you've proven yourself. The least I can do is to let

at least, say, three more days.

Will that help?

No.

Oh, well, four more days, but that's my final offer. I'll take it or leave it.

I'll leave it because I don't need any days. I found my own solution.

Oh, no, you're not going to reconsider police work.

No.

But I did find an established daycare center who's willing to take the kids

hire me part -time. So tomorrow I'm going to talk to the counselor at

and I'm going to change my major to education.

Then, hey, listen, I know what you're thinking.

I mean, how long can this last? I'm in good grief. Just last week I'm scaling

walls and dreaming of being Ms. Elliott Ness, but this is really different.

I mean, I get such a special feeling when I'm with those kids.

Who'd ever think after growing up with a family of eight kids, I'd ever want to

spend any time with kids, but I really do.

Thanks anyway for the offer, Dad.

I love you.

And you were worried about Susan.

It's doing just fine.

Just fine.

They're growing up, Abby.

They're growing up.

The violence is deafening. Shh, I'm thinking.

Won't do you any good. I got you by the ropes. I'm afraid not.

Dad, don't you miss the pitter -patter of little feet?

Huh? No.

Oh, come on, Dad. Nancy's kids weren't that bad.

Are you kidding? I've lived with kids and noise for... Never mind.

Isn't that cute?

He doesn't want to date himself.

Chuck, now when you move to Porn, which is the only move you have left, it would

be to checkmate.

34 years, that's for how long? Who's counting?

Maybe it was 34 years.