Original subtitles

You see what I have here?

Aha!

Aha!

Now, swinging a tree like this will turn you into a home run slugger in no time.

Thanks, Dad.

I considered giving you an aluminum bat, but then I figured, what the heck? If

wood was good enough for the babe, then it's good enough for my pal, Nicholas.

Dad, just because I got a new bat doesn't mean I'm going to hit more home

You're 100 % correct, son.

It also takes the power of positive thinking.

Every time you get up at that plate, you have to just know positively that you

are going to hit that ball a country mile.

Ow! Boom!

I got it. I got it. What's wrong?

I can't straighten up.

I can't straighten up.

Sure you can, Dad. Just think positive.

Can't do it, Tom.

Oh, you can't do it, Tom.

There's a magic in the early morning we found.

When the sunrise smiled on every...

It's a portrait of the happiness that we feel and always

will.

Oh, it is enough to fill our lives with love.

Oh, we spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes.

If we're ever puzzled by the change.

Wishes on the kitchen windowsill And eight

is enough to fill our

Hey, looks like I'm chauffeuring a hero.

What happened? You hit a grand slam?

You made a double play.

Nope. No chance. Why was everybody cheering you?

Well, I got us a new manager.

I thought you had a manager.

No, he moved, so we had to get another one.

Congratulations. Who is it?

Dad. Dad?

You're kidding.

How did you get Dad to manage Little League?

dad to the team and you haven't asked him yet?

Mm -mm. Any suggestions?

Just one.

Duck.

No, I'm not taking back what I told you in nutrition.

It's just that, um, well, I can't repeat it right now.

Can you call me back after dinner?

Okay, bye -bye.

Thanks for the privacy, you guys. Hey, don't have to... Look, Elizabeth, we

here cooking dinner long before you decided to talk much.

No, it may have ruined your appetite, but we still need solid nourishment.

you guys, it's not my fault. I have to take private calls in a public kitchen.

Well, you could use an equally public entry hall phone, you know. Oh, yeah?

Well, thanks heaps. Don't thank her. Thank Tightwad Tom.

No, thanks.

Every time I mention the word phone, especially extension phone, Dad has a

corner. Don't talk to Dad before I talk to him. You'll blow...

and start beating me up.

Elizabeth, I'd say this definitely takes priority.

Busted heads over busted hearts?

Maybe not.

Maybe there's a way to do this so that we could encourage Dad to give us all

what we want.

I'll try anything.

Hey, listen, I've got a plan.

Nicholas, you go up there and ask him...

I don't... Dad, what are we going to do about Nicholas?

Unless I can trade him in for a decent column, I will do with Nicholas exactly

what I've been doing for the past nine years.

Then you haven't heard it?

Dad, Nicholas needs you. Yes, manager of the little league team.

Oh, you know, there is a point where responsible parenthood ends and insanity

begins. You just found it. Dad, you're always saying you should spend more time

with him. Yeah, and we're willing to give up some of the time you spend with

And you could use the exercise.

Oh, no, no. I get plenty of exercise. Just watch how vigorously my head

around my neck. Hey, Dad!

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were busy.

Well, don't worry about it. I mean, what's the difference? Just because my

column may become a blank page, please don't let it bother you. Now, listen,

girls have already talked to me about it. I don't care what they talked about.

just wanted to tell you this good idea that just happened to come to me.

Oh, I suppose you couldn't happen to just save it till tomorrow, could you,

please? No, I would forget. I was thinking what a good idea it would be to

extension phones in everybody's room.

Of course, just for the grown -ups. I don't need one.

Uh -huh, just a good -hearted kid.

So what's going on here? I thought you were working.

What goes on is a little game called Switch and Attack.

Switch and who? Attack.

It's a variation of good cop, bad cop.

The girls are trying to sell me on being the manager of Nicholas' baseball team,

and the good Samaritan is trying to get them extension phones.

You could stop lecturing, and maybe we could vote on both suggestions, huh?

No vote. No extension phones, and no managing the little league. Now, if you

get the message, maybe I can get back to earning the bread that you all eat that

gives you the energy to interrupt me while I'm working.

I think you're absolutely right about not managing Little Lee. Oh, yeah? Thank

you. I'm glad somebody realizes I'm too busy.

And even if you had the time, I mean, the boys really need someone who knows

baseball.

I know baseball.

We're talking about manager's baseball, not bleacher baseball.

Now, listen.

When I was Nicholas' age, I did a better job running the Brooklyn Dodgers than

Leo DeRocha. In fact, if Leo had listened to me in 42, they would have

pennant. Second guessing doesn't count.

We're talking about manager's baseball, you know? Like picking the right player

for the right position, teaching the fundamentals, arguing with the umpires

the heat of the battle.

I bet you don't even keep up on the rules.

Oh, really? You mean now it takes four strikes before you're out?

I mean that baseball is very complex. Take the infield fly rule, for example.

Come on, who doesn't know about the infield fly rule?

With two runners on base, the batter hitting an infield fly is automatically

whether the ball is caught or not. Wrong, wrong.

Right, right, right.

No, it's absolutely wrong. One runner has to be on first base. Does it make

difference where the runners are?

You want to bet?

Yeah, well, I mean, it's un -American to bet with a woman about baseball. Oh, in

other words, you're afraid I'll win, is that right? No, no, I'll bet you. All

right, name your own stakes. A half a dollar, a dollar, go ahead. Forget the

money, forget the money. If I win, you agree to improve your baseball education

on my terms. Agreed. Agreed, okay.

You won't win.

You mean you won?

Read it again, Tommy.

And with bases thus occupied, the batter hitting the fly ball within the infield

is automatically out.

However, only if there are less than two outs and only if one of the runners is

occupying first base.

What does that mean? It means that you didn't lose a father, but you gained a

manager. A what?

Nicholas obviously needs you, and you need the education.

Hey, Dad, I'm really glad you're going to manage.

That makes one of us.

Oh, I'm sorry, Nicholas. Actually, I'm glad that you're glad, because we will

have fun together, I guess.

But it's not fair to my sisters.

Your sisters?

Yeah. I got what they asked for, but they didn't get what I asked for.

Oh, now wait a minute. You may get me to manage your baseball team, but I draw

the line to putting extension phones in everybody's room.

I agree. No extension phones.

Absolutely. Right. I think we should get the girls and Tommy their own

telephone. We can pay for the installation, and they can pay for it

monthly earnings, and that way they'll never use your telephone again.

That's the best idea I've heard from that extended curfew.

All right, then we'll do it.

What? Assistant manager and team trainer. You even get to wear your own

And now that doctors are allowed to advertise, I might even let you have

name in the back of the game shirt.

Oh, no.

You're just looking for company in your misery.

Oh, no, that's not it at all. It's just that now I'm going to have to cancel the

racquetball, so I'm offering you another form of exercise.

Babysitting nine -year -olds? I'd rather be fat.

I think that you're afraid to show your ignorance about baseball.

What ignorance?

Oh, I bet you don't even understand the official rule on infield flies.

You are going to bet me about baseball?

How about hitting some infield flies?

Would you shut up and bat? No, no, let me show you. You have to choke it more.

Give me the bat.

Which one's your dad?

Can't you tell?

Yeah, if I was you, I wouldn't admit it either.

Don't choke me. I'm trying to help you.

You'll help me by getting down to first base.

Don't hurt yourself.

Kid's got no hands, and he's too short to play first base.

Well, everybody deserves a tryout. Yeah, sure. You're the manager.

That's right. I am the manager.

What are you going to do about that sorry -looking shortstop?

Okay.

Who's next on first?

All right, what's your name, son?

Gerson. Wow, what did you say?

Jason. Jason Conway.

Oh, thank you. I thought you'd like to know Jason was catcher last year.

I mean, it's okay if you want to try him out at first, but I think you're going

to find that he's a better catcher. I appreciate your advice.

Oh, it's not advice.

I just thought you'd like to know that Jason's a catcher to save you time.

Hey, Bob.

Watch it, Tom.

Okay, I got it.

Medic!

Come on, Tom.

Looks like another year we don't make the playoffs.

You're not quitting on the first day.

Doctor's orders, which I just gave to myself.

Tom, Little League can be very hazardous to your health.

And our friendship.

I

thought

that we had a bet.

They all said it was only sprained.

How do I know?

I flunked the infield fly rule.

That just reminds me of the invasion at Inchon.

Oh, no, there's no comparison.

Inchon didn't have parents on the sidelines kibitzing General MacArthur.

Are you going to go through with this?

I shall return.

Phone company. Where do you want it? Boy, people have said a lot of nice

to me on that front porch, but this has got to be the nicest. Come on.

Hey, pretty sneaky, Elizabeth. What makes you think our phone goes in your

Yeah. Actually, Susan, I think it's a very central location. Uh -uh. Just

because this room is half yours, Nancy, don't think she'll give you equal phone

time. Yes, she will. I will. I suppose you think it goes in your room. Yeah,

not? Hey, now, wait a minute. It should go in our room. I just got it.

You could put extinction phones in every room. Now you're talking.

That's a good idea. Could you, really? Sounds great to me.

Yeah, let me give you an estimate.

I never thought of that. I know.

$237?

Over my dead bank account.

Sorry, sir. I was just trying to provide the maximum customer convenience.

In this house, convenience is one phone in the hall.

The hall? That's not privacy.

Oh, Dad, can't we even have just a long cord to go to each one of our own rooms?

Oh, please.

Yeah, we can pay for it. Okay, you work it all out with Mr. Bell here. But

whatever they tell you, don't accept anything but cash.

Let me get this straight. You want one phone with enough cord to reach every

bedroom, right?

I'll have to measure, but that'll take at least 200 feet of extension cord.

I'll have to come back tomorrow with more material.

Matter of fact, I'll have to check with my supervisor. We've never had an order

for 200 feet of extension cord. It may take till next week. Oh, next week.

Mr. Bradford, listen, if you're not going to use this chair, you don't mind

borrow it, do you? Sure, sure, go ahead, borrow it. Burn it, I don't care.

Yeah, my chair's really uncomfortable.

Oh, darling, now remember we've hired you as a secretary. No extra pay for

moving furniture. That's right, Mr. Randolph.

Yes, sir. Well, this is an honor, Elliot. What brings you downstairs?

Well, I just heard the good news.

They've invented a transplant for the human back.

Work the kinks out.

I always did.

You know, managing Little League was the happiest time of my life.

Oh, really? I didn't know that you had time for baseball.

Oh, from May to September, I don't have time to publish a newspaper.

Randy III's the same way. He was Little League, you know.

Never would have made the Harvard Nine without it.

That's really great.

I'm just sorry that all kids can't be Little League.

You might point that out.

Point what out? In the column you're writing, you know.

Sort of an insider's view of how Little League helps to form the moral fiber of

the younger generation.

I didn't realize I was writing a column like that.

Well, now, I'd never tell you what to write, Tom. You know that.

It's just that, well, I've never been able to express my own feelings about

all -American pastime.

Don't have your knack with words.

I visualize a brilliant tribute that'll be picked up and reprinted all over

America.

Wouldn't hurt Tom Bradford.

Wouldn't hurt the paper.

I'll think about it, Elliot.

Sure, Tom.

Think it over.

Just a suggestion.

What is it about Little League?

Parents tell you how to manage.

Bosses tell you what to write about.

Wives tell you to lie still so it won't hurt so much.

I don't think I'll ever be the same.

Hi, Dad.

How's your back?

Terminal. Want to try some of this stuff on it? It's real good for loosening

baseball mitts.

I don't think it'll be so good for your dad's back, Nicholas. What is it in

there?

Turpentine?

Oh, I'm not in. I'm not in.

It could be for someone else, you know.

Hello, Bradford residence.

Just a minute.

Some hysterical person on the phone wants to speak to the, quote, misguided

Claude who moved Ralph Leversey from catcher to sinner field, end quote.

The misguided Claude is not here.

Tom, come quick. You're not going to believe this.

What is it?

Look. It's a moment in Bradford history.

For the first time in 20 years, there's no line at the bathroom. That's right.

Of course, Dad, we're standing in line to use our phones. Yeah, we have our

phones out. We have our own upstairs numbers.

I got three hours work before this thing can work.

If I were you people, I'd line up at the bathroom.

that's for our misguided Claude. Do you want me to field it? No, I'd like to hit

this one myself.

Right down the pitcher's throat.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mrs. Conway.

Is that right?

This Saturday?

All right, if you say so.

Guess what? What? The Red Sox team has a tradition.

All those monster parents that have bugged us night and day, we get to give

a party.

So I really talked to him. I was able to straighten him out.

And would you believe, last year, we had a manager who didn't even know the

infield fly rule.

And this guy did clock.

Have you ever considered managing Little League, Mr. Boyle?

Well, only in passing. See, I figure...

It'll be a better utilization of my talents and experience if I wait and

out Bobby's college coach. Oh, yes, of course. I'm sure that Bobby's college

coach will be very excited about that.

Excuse me a second. Oh,

I must see you, Mr. Bradford. You haven't let Jason play catcher yet. And

he doesn't play catcher, he gets asthma.

Oh, gosh, I didn't know that.

He thinks you hate him. Oh, no. I love children. I have eight of my own.

Then you know how I feel as a mother.

When Jason doesn't play catcher, I get asthma.

Well, I'll do the best I can.

Excuse me a second. We'll talk about this in a minute.

See, I don't care what position Stanley plays. What's important is that the boys

have fun.

Oh, now that's my philosophy.

Hi, I'm Tom Bradford. Sid Fletcher, Tom.

Oh, really? You're the doctor?

Psychiatrist. Oh, I should have met you sooner. Anyone that's willing to manage

a Little League team should have his head examined.

Well, all you need is a little preventative mental hygiene.

Just keep reminding yourself it's only a game.

Child's play for children.

That's right.

There are people here that actually think it's a war for adults.

Right. They think their egos are at stake.

Exactly.

Listen, You wouldn't be interested in being team trainer, would you? The job

open and... Bring my couch to the dugout?

Oh, no, no, no. I would put you up in the grandstand with the parents.

That's good.

Dr.

Fletcher. He's the only parent here who isn't pushing his child.

Well, really? Well, how come you just cornered me in the kitchen for a ten

-minute sales talk on Stanley's genius for psyching out the other team?

Hey,

Dad, how's your bath? Oh, don't remind me.

Always if I can forget it.

You should have lifted so many potato chips at the party last night.

No, actually, the party made me forget my back by giving me a headache.

Oh, who could that be? I told Nicholas I didn't want any of his friends to

disturb me on Sunday morning.

Well, unless Nicholas is in the middle -aged playmate, they don't think that's

the problem.

Oh, no. You know who it is? It's that Bobby Boyle's father.

Somebody told him we're not home.

Too late. He already waved at me.

Looking good, looking good.

Concentrate now. Bear down, bear down.

That's fine.

I guess I didn't make myself clear, Mr. Boyle. Our next practice is Tuesday.

Yeah, but our first game's in only two weeks. I figure if you keep ignoring

Bobby's pitching arm, we're in big trouble.

So I want you to see it when you've got time to concentrate.

But it's Sunday.

No problem.

Baseball's my religion.

Okay, Bobby, show him the spitter. The kid's got a spitter. Stay right where

are, Bobby.

Hey, come on, be fair, Bradford. Don't tell me you're not even going to look at

the kids.

I've looked at Bobby, and I've looked at you, Mr. Boyle.

In fact, I've looked at all the parents that are turning a pleasant pastime into

a gruesome farce. You may not be happy with the way I'm managing this team, but

I've got some good news for you.

You won't have to gripe about it anymore.

In short, I've just resigned.

Okay, so I quit. I'm sorry.

It was monopolizing my life. My job was suffering.

Not to mention my back.

All right, you want to know the real reason I quit? I'll tell you.

I cannot put up with those busybody meddling parents calling me up in the

of the night with their threats and their cajoling.

Play Barbie here.

Stanley has to bat clean up.

It's ridiculous.

Can you picture Reggie Jackson's parents calling up the manager of the Yankees

and telling them that we don't want Reggie to play right field?

Do Don Sutton's parents go barging into the dugout screaming and yelling at

Tommy Lasorda for pulling out Donny Boy in the ninth?

It's all right, Tom. We understand.

Don't we?

Sure, Dad.

Yeah?

I mean, uh, your own life comes first.

I understand, Dad. We have a crummy team.

Oh, no, Nicholas, please. I didn't mean that. I mean...

Please, somebody explain to him what I mean.

All right, then how can we keep losing managers?

Well, because it takes a lot of time and devotion. I mean, you have to make a

big commitment.

Oh, one of your favorite words.

Elizabeth, there are commitments and there are commitments.

And then there are commitments to Nicholas' team, Dad.

Yeah. So what are we going to do for a manager?

Oh, listen, I'm sure there's plenty of people who'd be happy to take the job.

Who?

You?

Why not?

That way we'll keep it in the family. It's just a simple... Full transfer of

power. Oh, come on. Be serious.

I mean, what do you know about managing a little league baseball team? Well,

besides the infield fly rule, I do know a few things about motivating children.

Oh, there's a lot more involved than child psychology.

I mean, there's parent psychology.

How can you deal with those vultures?

Hopefully better than you.

You, a baseball manager. That is a laugh.

Well, look at it this way. I couldn't do a whole lot worse than you.

Oh, you couldn't, could you? We'll see about that. I give you one day with

little uncoordinated nine -year -olds and their egomaniacal parents.

One day and you'll come crying to me to bail you out. I see.

Oh, look at this.

You ought to have your head examined.

Not bad. Not bad at all. What do you think? What do you think? One day. I

you one day.

Oh, that's pretty heavy stuff.

Who are you crucifying, child beaters?

I haven't seen you so worked up since Nixon fired Archibald Cox.

Hey, listen, are you sure Randolph's going to run this thing?

Hey, listen, you're attacking a sacred institution.

Little League is right up there with Apple Pie and Mom.

And Randy the Third.

Listen, why not, right?

What's a few thousand dollars in advertising revenue anyway?

See you at the unemployment office, huh?

Oh, Dad, it's you.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry to disappoint you. It's me.

Listen, would you tell Abby that I'm on this phone, please?

She's not home.

What do you mean? I just called our phone, and the line was busy.

Oh, that was me.

Now, wait a second. I thought that the reason that we had this phone installed

was so that you would have an open line.

But, Dad, I couldn't tie up this line. I'm expecting a crucial phone call from

Lenny, but I had to talk to Connie to find out if she was going out with John

before I could talk to Lenny. You understand?

Vaguely. All right, never mind, never mind. Just tell Abby, where is Abby?

is she?

She's at the baseball field with Nicholas' team.

Oh, really?

Oh,

the poor woman.

Not

much

defense.

Not much anything.

At least we got a picture.

My son Bobby.

Hello,

Mr. Bradford.

Oh, hello.

Well, if it isn't our ex -manager.

So how's retirement treating you?

Well, it's very peaceful.

So you got your better half standing in for you.

Yeah, she insisted.

You don't have to worry.

As long as she's got Bobby singing him in the air, she doesn't have to have

else.

Where's she got your kid playing?

Right field.

Oh, yeah.

Siberia, the baseball diamond.

You know, Nicholas has a very good arm.

You're right.

It's got a terrific arm.

So how did it feel today, champ?

All right, I guess.

You guess?

Well, it was okay until Abby switched me from short to...

To right field. And she gave shortstop to Stanley Fletcher. And he can't catch

for beans.

Stanley Fletcher is no shortstop. You have a very strong arm, Nicholas. You're

going to waste out in right field.

I'll have to have a thought with her.

Better do it delicately.

Very delicately.

You haven't the slightest idea of what you're doing.

Well,

now, Nicholas does not belong in right field.

Who's running the team anyway?

You are. I am simply trying to make a constructive suggestion.

Well, I thank you very much, and I will think about it, along with the

suggestions of all the other kids' parents.

You know, you're acting like a typical Little League parent.

Me? That's ridiculous.

Oh, is it?

Big problems, huh?

Oh, I don't know.

If you call having an infield like Swiss cheese and an outfield of

malcontents... and only one pitcher who can get the ball over a plate without it

bouncing first, big problems, then I've got big problems.

Pitching. Now, that's the crux of your problem.

Pitching is the cornerstone of a successful team. Can you get me Tom

Ah, beautiful.

Go ahead.

Go ahead. Oh, boy, chuck it right in there, Nicholas. Go on. I tell you, with

this gadget here, we're going to make a real Tom Seaver out of it. A little more

follow -through. Go on.

Little falter. Go on.

That's it, isn't it? Go on.

Tommy? No, no, no, you have the wrong number. This number belongs to Tom and

Abby Bradford.

If you call information, they will give you a listing for the Bradford children.

You have that number?

Well, then why are you calling it?

Oh, you've been calling that number, but the line is busy. So you thought...

Well, let me suggest two alternatives, Marilyn.

One... Sweat it out. You might just get through to them by tomorrow or to send a

telegram

Okay, bedtime, champ.

But, Dad, it's only 8 o 'clock.

You don't want to be tired tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to big things from you.

Dad, do you really think I'm ready to pitch?

Oh, absolutely.

You've got a great arm. You're going to blow it right past them.

I sure hope so.

Don't worry about a thing. Just get a good night's sleep. Keep that right arm

under the covers.

Now, I want your pajamas on and the lights out at 10 minutes.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Nicholas.

Good morning. Not a moment too soon.

Go on right up. Now, if they get violent, just hold them at bay until I

there.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one.

service order right here.

Dad,

go away.

Dad. Good morning. Can't do this, Dad. No, but I already have.

But it's our phone.

But your phone is located in my house. It's the law of eminent domain.

But we paid for it. Wrong. I paid for the installation and I'm paying for the

-installation. It always comes down to money, doesn't it, Dad? Yeah.

Dad, why are you doing this?

Well, because life in this house with one phone was much simpler. Simpler?

because for the past week there have been twice as many calls in this house

ever before. Because our phone, remember, mine and Abby's, has been

tied up with people trying to get through to you because your phone is

constantly busy.

I don't like being an answering service.

Let's just call it a noble experiment that failed.

Will there be anything else, Mr. Bradford? No, no, that's it. Just send

final bill.

And get out of this house, fast!

No, wait!

We're not getting... Tyrant.

Practiced.

Listen, Max, I'm telling you, as your doctor, it's okay to walk on it. It's

a sprain.

Besides, you don't want to miss Nicholas's pitching debut, do you?

Oh, no, no, no, he's not starting, but...

By the time Bobby Boyle walks in the first four runners, Abby will be going

the bullpen.

Yeah, right. Well, all right, wonderful.

I have to run now, but I'll see you there at 3 .30. Right, bye -bye.

Tom, I'm glad I caught you. Oh, listen. This article. Mr. Randolph, I have to

run now. I really do. I'm awfully sorry, but I have to pick up Nicholas in 15

minutes and get him to the ball field in time to warm up. But the article is not

quite what I had in mind. Oh, well, then you rewrite it and put your name on it.

Son, keep those balls low.

Right, Dad.

And don't walk anybody.

Bases on balls can kill you.

Cut.

Take your place. Nicholas, Nicholas,

go toss the ball around with Freddie, okay?

Okay.

Honestly, I was pushing out only in the dugout. Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm

going. But remember, don't hesitate to go to the bullpen.

Okay, for the lineup.

Jimmy Sanchez is going to lead off, and then Stanley Fletcher, and then Kenny

Galtz is batting third, and then Bobby Boyle is cleanup. Everybody got that?

Ready?

Let's go.

Okay, let's get it together. Come on. All right.

Excuse me, please. Sorry. Pardon me.

Well, look who's here. The manager's great hand man.

Isn't she at least going to let you coach first base?

No, Mark, he's just projecting.

Chase, he was up till midnight, wheezing.

Oh, hi, kids.

Hi, I said.

Oh, the telephone, huh?

One thing about this family, they're sure quick to forgive.

Oh, there's a friend. Hi, Max, come on over here.

What did you bring your bag for? I'm not taking any chances around a baseball

diamond again.

You just settle back.

You enjoy the game. It's going to be a real hump day.

Nervous? Me nervous?

We can't get the ball over the plate.

Kids swung at ball four.

So, uh,

how are you feeling, Nicholas?

Okay.

Remember, you got eight other guys out there, and all you have to do is get it

over the plate, okay?

All right. Okay.

Did he call it the ball?

Jesus, your Lord.

It's okay, Nicholas. You gave it everything you had.

Come on.

It's just the first game of the season. There'll be plenty more.

But I didn't do it. You did. You did. You pitched two good innings.

That's not enough.

All that work that Dad... Dad?

Dad's feelings have nothing to do with it.

Uh, Dad's feelings have everything to do with it.

So am I.

I did everything you said. I kept the ball low and I didn't walk anybody.

Nicholas, you did just fine.

But I lost the game for us.

It doesn't matter.

It shouldn't matter. I'm the one that made a big thing out of it. Not you.

I don't think you even wanted to pitch in the first place.

I didn't mind.

You didn't mind.

You just didn't want to disappoint me.

And you didn't.

I disappointed me.

Huh? It's a complicated thing, Nicholas, between fathers and sons, and it's been

going on long before you and me.

You mean you're not mad?

Hey, what do you say we go for a big pepperoni pizza and a couple of ice

cold root beers?

I am kind of hungry.

Then let's make it two pizzas.

Come on, pal.

Two miles.

Three miles. I bet it's still going.

Oh, hi, Nicholas. How's the game? I don't feel like any small talk, thank

Never been so embarrassed in my life.

Stretcher!

Dad!

What's wrong with him? Today was the exhibition game between the team

managers and the parents in their annual free -for -all. I didn't even want to

pitch.

Dad was pitcher.

He walked up to the mound, and he took his signs from the catcher, and he

started his big wind -up. And instead of throwing the ball, he threw out his

back.

Hello?

No, he's not. Hi.

Who's that for?

Dad. I said he wasn't in. What do you mean? He's in. I'm in. I'm in.

Sorry, Dad. I'm tired of being an answering service, you know?

Thank you.