All language subtitles for Eight Is Enough s02e07 The Bard and the Bod

Hey, Nicholas, what are you reading?

A book.

Pretty big book, isn't it?

Yeah, well, I figured big books make you
smart.

William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's
Dream. Where did you get that?

Johnny's room.

Well, how far into it are you?

Well, only the first page.

Well, that's pretty tough going, isn't
it? I mean, there's no pictures.

Nope. Dad, is Hyperledo, is that a good
guy or a bad guy?

Oh, well, William Shakespeare didn't
always have good guys or bad guys, but

Hippolyta was queen of the Amazons.

The who?

The Amazons. They were a group of women
warriors, and she was like their chief.

Oh, like Wonder Woman.

Yes, sort of, right.

Boy, they ought to put this Shakespeare
guy on television.

Read the decks. I'm very late.

Do you mind? I'm extremely late.

Sure. Go ahead, Dad. It's sugar poppies
with cinnamon banana.

Be kind and courteous to this gentleman.

Hop in his walks and gamble in his eyes.

Feed him with apricots and dewberries,
purple grapes, green figs and

What is it this time? Ophelia?

No. Titania.

A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Oh, well, then you should talk to
Nicholas because he's been reading it.

wondered where my book went. Nikki, I've
been looking all over for it. I put it

back. I didn't like it.

Did you get the part, Tony?

No, not yet.

I'm auditioning for it this afternoon.

Are you nervous?

I'm nervous?

Oh, no.

It's only a part.

Why am I nervous?

I hope I'm not first.

I'll die if I'm first.

Would you sit down and eat, please?
You're making me nervous. No, no. I

eat before an audition.

I mean, if you want to roll badly
enough, you've got to be hungry for it.

Boy, what a way to make a living.

Tommy, this is art.

Sounds more like punishment to me.

Are you going to play Wonder Woman? No,
Nicky. See, Titania is the queen of the

fairies, and she lives in this magical
forest.

See, the whole play is like...

It's like a dream.

Very spacey and ethereal. And it's
like... Well, before you leave us for

ethereal, would you be sure that you
fill the car up with gas?

No, I'm only kidding.

Good luck. I'm rooting for you. Really.

Who was that masked man?

That's what gooseberries and doofus.

I think it's a happy play.

All about the hilarity of love.

Hey, how many of you ever caught the
movie on TV?

It's fun, right?

Yet I'm sure I don't have to remind you
that this is live theater.

There is no cutting room floor.

But take heart.

The People's Playhouse is our place to
make mistakes.

To hone our craft.

To dig deep inside ourselves.

To explore our feelings, our emotions.

Our love.

Okay, now, let's have some readings.

First of all, for the role of Titania,
queen of the fairies.

Now, we need someone with the ability to
hide in acorn cups, who dresses in

garment fashioned of bat wings, and who
wears a pearl necklace made from the

drops of dew.

Anyone qualified?

Our first victim, Karen Coughlin.

Ah, and here's the tricky part.

Instead of ricotta, we use... Ta -da!

Cottage cheese!

Because he's on a diet.

Give the lady two chili peppers because
he's on a diet. That's good.

You ready?

Oh, me?

You. Oh, okay.

Right here.

Okay, so first the sauce, so it won't
stick to the bottom, and then the

Right. And then the cottage cheese.
Wrong. Oh.

The mozzarella.

Oh. Yeah, the mozzarella. Okay.

Abby, is there anything wrong? You seem
kind of distracted.

Yeah? Oh.

Well, I got a letter today from my
former father -in -law, Walter Abbott,

he's coming to Sacramento on business,
and he wanted to see me.

So?

The man is a widower, and he's all alone
in the world, and since Frank died, I'm

the only family he has left.

I still don't see the problem.

The problem is I haven't told him yet
that I'm engaged.

You haven't told him you're engaged?

Abby, you're going to tell him, aren't
you? Of course I'm going to tell him. I

just, you know, I have to find the right
moment.

See, he's never really adjusted to
Frank's death, and whenever I see him,

always so...

Emotional, you know.

Look, why don't you take him to lunch,
tell him the truth, and bring him here?

We'll make him feel at home, Abby.

Yeah.

Okay.

Believe me, there's enough family to go
around here.

That's for sure.

Don't worry.

It'll work out, okay?

Hey, thanks, Mary.

I don't know what I'd do without you,
you know.

Yeah, probably so.

Hey, Dave, wait a minute.

What's up, Freddy? Listen, you
interested in any jewelry?

Jewelry? Yeah, see, my old man's selling
his jewelry store and going out of

business. I can get you anything you
want at a fantastic discount.

You need a watch?

No, I got one. You planning on getting
engaged, married?

Not if I can help it.

Petty man, he's got a dynamite
collection of rings.

Well, thanks anyway, Freddy.

I'll keep it in mind. All right, you do
that, Dave. You like the prices, man.

The part. The part of what, Joanie? In
the play. I'm Titania.

Didn't Titania think of the North
Atlantic or something? An iceberg, you

No, no, no. See, Titania's the queen of
the fairies.

Oh,

you guys are putting me on, are you?

Putting you on what, Joanie?

You're impossible. Forget it. Joanie,
come back. We're just kidding. Yeah,

on. Congratulations.

Congratulations?

About what?

Do you think she's upset?

Upset? About what?

The moon, methinks, looks with a watery
eye.

And when she weeps, weeps every little
flower, lamenting some enforced

Tie up my love's tongue and bring him
silently.

All right, all right, everybody take
five. That was awful.

Titania and the fairies, flying over
here.

You want me to turn in my wings?

Jonah, you've got the talent.

Look, we've been working on this for a
week.

We're supposed to be in the fairy world,
the magical, mystical forest.

Not East Sacramento.

We're just not there.

No.

We're supposed to be in this romantic
and irresponsible place. I just don't

how to get there.

You're right.

You're right. We need to be light and
airy.

Mischievous.

The whole play hinges on it.

What... What if I played it like, um...
Like I was sleepwalking, you know? Like

just my naked soul enjoying a romp
through the purity of the forest.

That's it.

What's it?

The naked soul.

Huh?

Why didn't I think of it before?

Of course.

I'm sure that's how Shakespeare intended
it.

The fairy court.

Light.

Unencumbered by realism.

Stripped of worldly cares.

Mark.

Shakespeare in the nude?

It was just one scene, the opening of
Act Three.

But it's critical.

And then what do you think I should do?

I think you should give me that ice
cream. You're on a strict diet.

I can help you get into shape. You need
some sit -ups. No, Susan, that's not

what I'm asking you.

I want to know if this is the right
thing.

Well, Joanie, that's for you to decide.

You really helped the play.

Besides, you know, if I didn't do it,
I'd be letting the rest of the cast

They've already agreed to do it.

They'd have to recast Titania.

Get the rest of the cast, Joanie. What
do you think?

That's just it. I don't know what I
think. I'm all mixed up about it.

Well, look, why don't we just get up
late and see how you feel about it in

morning?

Okay. Good night. Okay.

Good night.

Good night.

Hey, Susan, if I do decide to do it...

How do you think Dad'll take it when he
finds out?

He'll freak.

I know.

I just don't think I can bring myself to
tell him.

Well, if you don't tell him, he won't
freak.

Are you suggesting what I think you're
suggesting?

Oh, no, not me. I'm just talking in my
sleep.

If I hear one more whistle, I'm gonna
deck die.

David!

Oh, David, it's you!

What's the matter? You don't like my
friends?

Oh, sure, I love guys like that. That's
why I go to the zoo so much.

Well, so what's up?

Oh, well, um... Well, see, David, I've
got this, um...

Well, what I mean is that I've been
asked to... Well, see, David, this is

is. I mean, we.

Well, I don't mean Susan and me, we. I
mean, me and a few others have been...

You want to try?

Yeah, Joni's got this part in a people's
playhouse.

Oh, I heard. Congratulations.

That's the big time.

Yeah, and she's thinking of playing a
scene in the nude.

You're kidding!

David!

Boy, that's some publicity stunt.

David, it's not a stunt.

And I didn't come here for a lecture or
anything. I just want to know if you

think I should tell Dad.

All right.

Well, here's what I think.

I mean, Dad's always prided himself on
openness and honesty.

It's a Bradford tradition.

I mean, you've heard him.

If you've got a problem, come to Daddy.

The lines of communication are always
open.

If you try to see it my way, I'll bend
over backwards to try to see it your

Et cetera, et cetera.

Oh, so you think I should tell him?

Of course not. He'll freak.

Oh, thank you, David. I knew you'd help.

Hey, do me a favor.

Yeah, anything.

When you're done not telling Dad, don't
tell me.

I don't want to know.

Oh, thanks.

If any of you can talk me out of it,
speak now or forever hold your peace.

Hey, what are you guys doing here? Oh,
that's what we'd like to know.

Oh, good, Tommy. I want your opinion,
too.

Joni's going to do a nude scene on
stage.

She what?

Oh, yeah, that's great. Great. Oh, come
on, Tommy.

I'm trying to be a serious actress, and
a serious actress will do anything to

help the role.

Well, I bet you Doris Day wouldn't do
it.

Tommy, if I thought I would help the
scene, I'd do the thing on roller

Yes, Joanie, but roller skates don't
exploit the female body.

This is my first real chance to be seen.

Oh, you ain't kidding.

Yeah, think of the exposure.

Joanie, some people, even some liberal
people, don't go for public nudity.

What she's trying to say is that most
people just don't dig it. And most

undress in the dark.

Yeah. I mean, so the people that don't
dig it just shouldn't buy a ticket,

right?

Look,

you know, lots of actresses have taken
their clothes off before.

Not to mention the Royal Ballet and
shows on public TV.

Right on.

Hey, you guys, I mean, this is 1977,
right? She has nothing to hide.

Right off. I tell you what, why don't
you send me an 8x10 glossy for my

I'll see you.

I'm not mad.

Hey, Nicholas, did you understand what
this powwow was all about?

Joanie's gonna do porno.

Hi, Daddy.

Hi.

What the devil are you doing? I'm
brushing my teeth. Mr. Schrader's

take my algebra exam over so I can't be
late.

Hi, Daddy.

Oh, hi.

What are you reading?

I'm reading Joanie's play. This is a
marvelous play. I'm really looking

to seeing it. Listen to this.

Captain of our fairy band, Elena is here
at hand.

And the youth, mistook by me, pleading
for a lover's fee.

Shall we their fond pageant see?

Lord, what fools these mortals be.

What do you think?

Don't call her.

We'll call you.

What fools these children be.

That's good.

Hope I'm not interrupting anything
important.

No, no, hiya, David. No, no, you're not
interrupting anything. I'm just talking

to myself.

Oh, one of those mornings, huh? Yeah,
turning into one. What brings you around

here so early?

Dad, have you thought about giving Abby
an engagement ring?

Oh, well, yeah, actually, I have thought
about it, but, I mean, that's a lot

cheaper than actually buying one. Oh,
not necessarily.

What would you say to a blue -eyed, one
-carat diamond engagement ring?

I don't know.

I've never talked to one before.

You would if it only cost $300, wouldn't
you?

$300? Oh, yes, that's cheap. I mean,
don't they cost about $1 ,500?

That sounds like a real deal.

Deal nothing. It's a steal.

A guy at work's father's going out of
business.

Everything must go.

I'm going to see the ring this morning.
If it looks good, are you interested?

Yes, definitely.

Call me at the office. I'll dig up the
money. All right. See you later.

Sounds like a classy rock.

But then, you're a classy guy.

I'm talking to myself again.

Come in.

What do you think?

I think it's great.

I still can't believe it.

Tell me, when you're rich and famous,
will you still remember my name?

Oh, don't be silly. Of course I will.

Laurie,

but really, I can't chat now.

I've got to go out and put up the rest
of these posters.

Ta -ta.

Ta -ta.

Up here!

Hi. Hi.

How'd it go?

Okay. Not so okay.

Come on in my room. Let's go.

Well, what happened?

I didn't tell him.

You didn't?

Abby. I tried, but every time I tried
mentioning Tom, Walt would bring up

And I just couldn't. I guess I'm just
not strong enough to do it by myself.

Well, okay. Why don't you invite him
here for dinner tonight and he can meet

and you... I can't. He left town and he
won't be back till next Friday.

Friday?

That's the 4th, isn't it?

Yeah, why?

Looks like we have a little conflict of
interest, doesn't it?

Oh, boy.

Where are you going? To confession.

But I didn't know you were. I'm not.

It is the opinion of this reporter.

That's no good.

It is the, uh... It is the feeling of
this reporter. It's soft and it's

It is the... Beyoncé of this reporter?

Beyoncé of this reporter.

Oh, oh, hi.

Hi. How's it going? Oh, well, not bad,
actually. I was making this powerful

driving point, and right in the middle
of it, I forgot what it was.

Do you want me to come back later?

No, no, no, of course not.

How about a drink? I have some
additional powers in the bottom drawer.

During business hours?

Oh, why not? I mean, every newsman keeps
a bottle in the bottom drawer. Like Lou

Grant, it goes with the image. Actually,
this bottle is older than Nicholas,

but... What's the matter?

Oh, nothing much.

Yeah, yeah, there's something. I have a
confession to make, and then I have some

bad news.

Oh?

Well, why don't you give me one now and
one tomorrow?

Oh, I wish I could. I can't. See, Tom, I
never told you about my father -in

-law, Walter Abbott.

When Frank was still alive, he and I
were very close, and, well, we've stayed

touch during the years, and, well, we
had lunch together today, and...

And what?

Well, I was going to tell him about you
and I getting married, and I didn't.

Oh? Well, why didn't you?

I don't know. We got to talking about
Frank, and it just didn't seem to be the

right moment.

Well, I don't see what your ex -father
-in -law has to do with you and me.

Because he's a part of me, that's what,
and he's very important to my life.

All right. Well, we'll go out to dinner
some night, and I'll meet him, okay?

Oh, remember I told you there was
another part.

Another part.

Oh, oh, the bad news.

Yeah? I know what it is.

What? He's a vegetarian.

No, that would be a good part. No, see,
he flew to Portland today, and he won't

be back until next week, and only for
one night.

Oh. Well, all right. If it's that
important to you, I'll make myself

any night you say.

Well, that's just it. The one night is
October 4th. That's the night of

play. It's the only night.

Oh, I just came by to see how everything
was going.

A concerned parent on the prowl, no
doubt.

Hey, it's nine o 'clock. Do you know
where your children are?

How are the rehearsals going?

Oh, great.

Just great.

Great.

Joanie, I have to talk to you.

About what?

About the play.

You see, I found out something today
that came as a complete surprise.

Uh, Dad. Let me finish.

Abby came by the office and dropped a
bombshell.

Abby? Uh, how'd she know? Well, what it
was was a complete lack of

communication.

You see, I should have been told
earlier.

Dad, I'm sorry.

You're sorry?

No, I'm the one that's sorry.

I feel terrible.

Terrible? Yes, I can't come to see the
play.

You can't?

You can't?

No, I have to go out to dinner with
Abby's father -in -law.

He'll only be here for one night, and
it's a long story.

That's all right, Dad.

I understand, really.

Thank you.

You're a real trooper.

Don't you worry.

I'll make it up to you.

Thanks. Can I get you? Hi.

Somebody up there like, oh, thank you,
Abby's father -in -law, whoever you are.

Could I just have a little bite, please?
Just one bite?

Titania, be strong.

The play is tonight.

You're right.

I'll starve for today, but tomorrow I'm
going to eat everything.

That's the spirit. Good morning. Good
morning.

Are you still going through with that?

Oh, relax, Tommy.

Nobody makes a big deal about nudity
anymore.

Oh, yeah, that's why Playboy's hit the
big flop.

Ah, it's puberty once again rearing its
ugly head.

I'm so looking forward to Tommy's
adolescence. And we're getting so tired

yours.

They don't ever have sisters. They're a
drag.

Oh, did you see the game Sunday? Yeah,
I'm sure glad they're letting him call

his own plays. Sure, put his knee and
don't give out. He's still got a good

Hey, Bradford, I know all about your
sister.

Yeah, I'm really glad to hear that,
Lenny. Hey, Steve, he's glad to hear

I wonder how he'll feel after we see the
play.

Look, Lenny, will you just shut up?

Tell your sister I'm ready.

All right, Lenny, why don't you just
cool it?

You gonna do something about it,
Bradford? Yeah.

Pull off, man. He'll kill you.

I won't be needing Miss October anymore.

I'll just take my camera tonight and,
uh, click, click.

Give me that boy and I will go with
thee.

Ha! Not for thy fairy kingdom.

Ferry's away.

We shall chide down right if I longer
stay.

Oh, how dare you?

Pretty good.

Pretty good, only pretty good?

What are you doing?

You only go around once.

Nancy, I'm just going to shampoo my
hair.

Okay, you want to try it again?

Oh, how can you possibly shampoo your
hair and cue me at the same time, huh?

Oh, try me.

Okay, what's the line?

Okay, here it is. Wait a minute.

It's right there.

Ill met.

Bye, Moonlight.

Proud Titania.

What? Jealous Oberon.

Tommy, hi.

What happened?

I was sent home.

For fighting?

No, for walking into a door.

Oh, boy. I think we better check this
out. You better do it.

My hair needs another round.

Bottoms up.

I told you nothing.

Come on.

Don't get a black eye for nothing.

Well?

Was it a girl?

Wendy Springer?

Then who?

Some big guy was making a lot of dumb
cracks about the play.

You see, his brother's the stage manager
down there, and he heard about the

scene you're doing tonight.

You took a beating because of me?

No, I took a beating because Lenny
Brandt's a jerk.

Maybe it just isn't worth it.

What?

I mean, if you wind up paying the
price... Hey, Joanie, you're not

backing out, are you?

Well, maybe I should.

You're worth a lot more to me than a
lousy play.

Look, Tony, I'm not real crazy about
what you're doing.

But I'm not going to let Lenny Brandt or
any other jerk bully you into quitting.

Do you mean that?

Oh, thanks, Tommy.

Hey, listen, you going to come see the
play?

Oh, no, don't push it.

Yeah, okay.

Thanks.

Relax, I'll make sure he's on time.

Don't worry about a thing, okay?

Bye.

I called to remind you not to be late. 7
.30 sharp. Apparently, Mr. Abbott is

very punctual.

Oh, boy. He has to pick one night to
come to Sacramento.

One night.

Come on, Dad. It can't be that bad.

Oh, it is. I mean, it's bad enough to be
looked over by a total stranger.

But to miss Joanie's play, that's
terrible.

Oh, boy. Do you look beautiful.

Thanks.

Are you nervous?

Yeah.

Oh, I wish I could be there.

Oh, don't feel bad, Dad.

I understand.

You know I'm sorry.

She knows. She knows.

Break a leg.

Thanks.

See you later.

Boy, what a trooper.

Do you think that she understands?

Of course she understands.

It's just a play.

There'll be other plays.

Dad, can we have some money for pizza,
please? Oh, how many? The four of us.

Four of you? What about Tommy? Uh, he's
not hungry.

Tommy isn't hungry? That's impossible.

Yeah, well, he's got a little problem
with his hamster. With his hamster? I

didn't know about this.

Oh, thanks.

Thanks. Bye. Bye.

See you.

Come in.

What you doing?

Cleaning my hamster cage.

Tommy, turn around.

Not bad.

Did you get something in your eye?

Dad, I really don't want to talk about
it.

Give it a try.

Okay. I got into a fight.

And what did the other guy look like?

Better than me.

Oh, well, I guess that's punishment
enough. What was it about?

Nothing? Nothing?

You got a humdinger like that fighting
over nothing?

I hope she was worth it.

She was.

You know, you'd be used to it.

Hi, guys. Looks great.

I'll be right there.

Oh, take your time.

Walt is very punctual.

Good for Walt.

We should be a little more positive
about this. Don't worry. I'll be on my

behavior.

Are you ready?

Almost.

What do you mean, almost?

Before we go... What?

There's something I want you to have.
Now, close your eyes. Tom, it's late.

We've got to go. Come on, please. Walt,
we'll wait.

Close your eyes.

Close my eyes? Yes. Don't peek.

Okay. My eyes are closed. All right. My
eyes are closed. No, they're not. Okay.

Oh, Tom, that's gorgeous.

So are you.

You shouldn't have.

Oh, but I should have.

Well, it must have cost a fortune, huh?

Lady, you're worth a fortune.

I love you.

I love you.

Dad,

I want you to meet Tom Bradford. Tom,
this is Walt Abbott.

How do you do?

Tom is having dinner with us.

Oh.

See, Dad, Tom is sort of a

special friend.

I mean, person.

He... We have become sort of

special people to each other.

Abby, what are you trying to say?

What I'm trying to say is...

What she's trying to say, Mr. Abbott, is
we're engaged to be married.

Well, congratulations seem to be in
order.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

They say the veal here is very good.

Indian air by night.

Well, often has she gossiped by myself.

I'm just running the... Oh, come on,
don't tease me.

There's four of us. Thank you.

Nervous? Looks good, huh?

Yeah, do you think Joanie's nervous?
She's probably scared to death.

It's a good thing Dad's not here. Yeah,
it is.

What was it again you did in the
service?

Army, press corps.

Building up the generals, huh?

Well, as much as I could.

Overseas? More like Tennessee.

Purge thy mortal grossness so that thou
shalt like an airy spirit go.

Ready.

So when Frank and Abby moved down south
to Camp Pendleton, the only thing left

for me was work.

I made the Millionaire's Club the second
year.

The only other guy to do that was Roy
McGinnis. Or was it Ralph Sturdivant?

Whatever.

I hope I'm not boring you.

Oh, no, no, not at all.

Well, then what's the matter? You don't
seem to be here.

Oh, you're right, Walter, and I'm sorry.
It's just that...

My mind isn't on this dinner.

What is it?

Well, you see, my daughter Joni is in a
play tonight, and it's just one

performance.

I tell you, if you could have seen her
face, she was so understanding when I

told her that I couldn't be there.

She was fighting back the tears.

Well, can we still catch her?

Oh.

Well, yes, as a matter of fact, we could
catch the third act. Well, then what

are we sitting here for?

Check.

We are haunted. Pray, masters.

Fly, masters.

I'll follow you. I'll lead you back the
round.

Through fog, through bush, through
briar, through grape.

Sometime a horse I'll be.

Sometime a hog.

A headless bear.

What do I see on thy head? What do you
see?

You see an asset of your own, do you?

Bless thee, bottom. Bless thee. Thou art
translated.

They know this knavery.

They do this to make an ass of me.

It's going great.

It's going great. Now, now, remember,
concentration away from yourselves.

Light, airy, fantastical.

And I will sing.

that they shall hear, I am not afraid.

The wuss so cocked, so black.

Okay, get ready.

What

angel

wakes me from my flower?

Joanie. Joanie.

There's somebody you ought to talk to.

Mary, I'm just not up to it right now,
okay?

Neither is he, but better now than in
the morning.

Where is he?

In the kitchen.

Dad? You're angry, aren't you?

I don't know if it's anger or
disappointment.

One thing it filled me was embarrassing.

How do you suppose I felt seeing people
that I work with, friends?

See, Joanie, it wasn't just you up on
that stage.

It was me.

The whole world was staring.

But that's what acting is all about,
Dad, with or without a costume.

Being an actress is the most important
thing in my life.

And being in that play meant a whole lot
to me.

I'm just sorry that I hurt the most
important person in my life.

I didn't want to hurt you, really.

Maybe if I'd known about it before I saw
the play... No, no, I'd have asked you

to quit.

I wanted to tell you, Dad.

I... I talked it over with all the
others.

And everybody said, Mom's the word?

No leads.

They were all stuck together.

Let me ask you. The little souvenir that
Tommy got, was that on account of you?

Yeah.

Everybody came through for you.

Everybody except me.

But you didn't know.

I'm glad I didn't.

Because I wouldn't have been with you.

And that would have hurt me more than
not having been told.

I understand why you did what you did,
Joanie.

You thought it was right and you stuck
by your guns. I'm proud of you for that.

Only you... You've got to realize when
you do things, especially certain

things, it's going to affect all of us.

So in the future, please take
everybody's feelings into account.

It's your world, honey.

So grow with it.

But, Daddy...

You

didn't even say whether you liked the
play.

The play?

What play?

Oh, come on, stop teasing.

I'm not teasing you.

Listen, when you walked out on that
stage, I didn't hear a word.

Oh, I love you, Daddy.

Yeah? Connor and Poulombi, Bunko Squad,
ma 'am.

What?

Look, the plane's closed. We're not
doing it again. As Tom Bradford lived

Yeah, but he didn't have... Is he home?

What do you want him for?

I mean, I'm legally liable. I'm over 18.

Just get him, honey, will you?

Yeah.

But, Sergeant, we had no idea.

That so?

This is a pretty hot rock you got here,
lady. We've been tracing it for months.

Well, who knew? A guy gives you an
engagement ring, you don't ask for a

receipt. Tell me, weren't you just a
little suspicious when you saw... To

Bernice from Carl?

I never looked.

All right, let's have it once more.

You got the ring from... Him?

Yes, and I got it from my son, who we
told you before got it from this boy

he works with, Fred Gorman. Why don't
you question him? Relax, we're running a

check on Gorman right now.

And so, great, that's terrific. I mean,
and until you can find Gorman, you're

going to lock us up? I mean, tell me, do
we look like the typical jewel thieves?

You don't want me to answer that
question, do you?

Uh, sit tight. It's for us.

Oh, well, look, the thing is, I mean, if
we had no knowledge that the ring was

stolen, why are we being held
responsible?

Easy. You are the possessor of the
article in question at the moment. And

possession is nine -tenths of the law,
right?

You catch on quick.

They're clean, Gus. Gorman's just made a
full confession.

Oh, well, does that mean that we're free
to go? I mean, stay.

Yep.

Oh. What about the ring?

Evidence. Sleep tight.

We'll let ourselves out. Okay. Very
good. Bye. Bye -bye.

Well,

I never did want an engagement ring
anyway.

Don't worry. You're not going to get
one.

One thing I learned, I will never buy
any more secondhand jewelry for my son.

Well, I should hope not.

Boy, what a day.

What a night.

You know, it's almost 1 o 'clock. Don't
you have to get home?

Yeah, I do. I have to be up at 7 .30.
I'm just going. But, Tom, I have another

confession to make.

Another confession?

How many fathers -in -law do you have?

No, no, no. There are no more fathers
-in -law, I promise.

Well, it is getting late, Harvey.

Tom, I really need to get this off my
chest, okay? Okay, go ahead, confess.

seems to be a great day for confessions.
Okay.

I just took Walt to the airport, and in
the car on the way back, I finally began

to understand why I'd been having such a
difficult time telling Walt about our

engagement.

I want you to know that I was never
ashamed of us or anything like that. It

something else, you know, something
really deep inside.

See, Tom, I loved Frank very much.

Probably as much as you loved Joan,
right?

I still do.

And if they were still alive, we'd still
be with them.

And what with Walt and with the wedding
plans, I just got all

confused.

See, there's my love for you, and
there's my love for Frank.

And something inside me wonders if...

If I'm being respectful to Frank's
memory.

Do you understand?

Happy when someone dies.

Your love doesn't die with them.

I know.

Who knows?

Right now, you're Frank.

Maybe washing the dishes with my Joan.

I don't think so.

Frank never did the dishes.

Nicholas, what are you doing up?

Well, see, Dad, I did something bad, and
I have to tell you. Oh, no, not another

confession. It's all right, Nicholas.

You're forgiven. It's all right. It is?

Yes, just go to bed.

I can't.

Why not?

Well, see, I have these cookies smuggled
under my covers, and, um, I forgot, and

I started jumping on my bed, and they
got all crummy.

You didn't.

So then I started sleeping on the floor,
and, um...

I got uncomfortable, so then I woke up,
and now I don't have no place to sleep

except your bed.

My bed.

Relax, Tom. You could do a lot worse.

I could do a lot better.

16, 17, 18, 19, 20.

Twenty -two.

Twenty -one. Twenty -three.

Twenty... Oh, David, come on, please.

What are you doing, killer?

Twenty -three.

I'm pumping iron. What's it look like?

Tired of being a 98 -pound weakling?

No.

I'm just getting ready.

Ready for what?

Will you see this black eye?

Oh, yeah. It's a beauty.

Oh, it's the last one I intend to get.

Be prepared, right?

Right.

Prepared for what?

Well, one, Joanie's doing another play.
Two.

What's the play?

Three.

Peter Pan.

Four. Peter Pan in the nude?

You never can tell.