Original subtitles

Oh, it's happening!

It's finally, finally happening.

Physical form? Don't mind if I do!

Oh! What just happened?

Oh! Oh, man. This is bad.

This is real bad.

Guys, we've got a situation.

All right, listen up, you one-life-spanned,

three-dimensional,

five-sensed skin puppets.

For a trillion years, I've been trapped

in my own decaying dimension,

waiting for a new universe to call my own.

Name's Bill, but you can call me

your new lord and master for all eternity.

Now meet the gang of interdimensional criminals

and nightmares I call my friends.

8 Ball, Kryptos,

The Being Whose Name Must Never Be Said.

Ah, what the heck.

It's Zanthar. Then of course,

there's also Teeth, Keyhole, Hectorgon,

Amorphous Shape, Aronica Pacifier and these guys.

This is our town now, boys.

Now see here, you unholy triangle fella.

As mayor, I strongly urge you to get on outta here.

Yeah. Things with one eye are weird.

We don't like out-of-towners.

We punch what we don't understand.

I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist,

I welcome your tyrannical rule.

Perhaps I can be one of your, uh,

horsemen of the apocalypse.

Dad!

Not now, sweetie. The grownups are talking.

Oh, wow, that's a great offer.

How about instead, I shuffle the functions

of every hole in your face?

Durland! My precious Deputy Durland!

It's time we do a little redecorating.

I could really use a castle of some kind.

And how about some bubbles of pure madness?

This party never stops.

Time is dead, and meaning has no meaning.

Existence is upside down,

and I reign supreme.

Welcome, one and all, to Weirdmageddon.

So this is how the world ends.

Not with a bang, but with a... cuckoo.

Weirdmageddon.

Move it, stretch!

Hey, we're scampering here.

The rift is shattered.

Bill's world is spilling into ours.

Every minute, his powers grow stronger.

Mabel... the rift must have cracked inside her backpack.

She must be in danger. I have to go find her.

Mabel. Come in, Mabel.

Mabel!

Dipper, listen to me.

We can find your sister soon,

but first, we have to stop Bill.

If we can blast him back through the rip he came out of,

we just might be able to stop him

before his weirdness spreads across the entire globe.

Are you sure defeating Bill is even possible?

No, I'm not sure.

But being a hero means fighting back

even when it seems impossible.

- Will you follow me? - To the ends of the earth.

Good, because that's where we're heading.

You also might want to step inside.

Weirdness wave!

Ah! Abuelita, a tidal wave of madness

just went over us.

Oh, Soos, such an imagination.

Ah!

You turned into a chair!

Why don't you have a seat and relax?

What about you, and my friends?

I'll be fine. You go help the others.

When the universe is broken,

only one handyman can fix it.

I'm coming for you, friends.

Time for a nap.

Hey!

That's it, goat.

It's time I threw you off this property for good!

On second thought, I'm gonna run like a coward now.

Freedom, freedom!

Okay, inmates,

it's time to review your finger paintings.

Good. Nice.

Gideon, does this look like someone who's ready

to re-enter society?

Gideon's unappreciated in his time.

Oh, Ghost Eyes, you're making me blush.

Gideon makes prison life worth living.

Gideon, Gideon...

Oh, my, Bill came through.

Ready to cause some havoc, boys?

Ah, my quantum destabilizer.

Been waiting a long time to use this.

We're only gonna have one chance to take this shot.

Steady. Steady.

And...

I'm alive now.

Oh, no!

Well, well, well.

And here I thought today couldn't get any better.

Great-uncle Ford!

Dipper, take my journals.

Listen. I know of one other way to defeat Bill.

It's...

Oh, no, Dipper, run! Get down!

Good old Six Fingers.

I've been waiting an eternity

to have a chat face to face.

Everyone, this Armageddon wouldn't be possible

without help from our friend here.

Give him a six-fingered hand.

This brainiac is the one who built the portal

in the first place.

Don't look so sour, Fordsie.

It's not too late to join me.

With that extra finger,

you'd fit right in with my freaks.

I'll die before I join you.

I know your weakness, Bill.

Oh, yeah? And I know a riddle.

- Why did the old man do this? - This?

Because I needed a new back scratcher.

That's enough!

Hand over my uncle, or else!

Now isn't this...

interesting?

My old puppet is back for an encore.

You think you can stop me?

Go ahead, Pine Tree, show me what you got.

I...

Uh...

"I, um, I..." Do it, kid.

Do some brilliant thing that takes me down right now.

What do you got, Pine Tree?

Everyone's waiting. Do it!

Bill!!

That's right. Don't be a hero, kid.

This is what happens to heroes in my world.

No! The journals!

Not much of a threat now, are you?

Now can anyone remind me why we came here?

To get weird!

That's right. VIP party at the Fearamid.

Oh, and 8 Ball, Teeth, you've earned a treat.

- Have the kid for a snack. - Huh?

Hench maniacs, roll out!

So you wanna eat him or something?

Oh, definitely. Let's eat him.

We're day three in this strange cataclysmic event

which some are calling Weirdmageddon,

or the Odd-pocalypse.

Weather today calls for black clouds, blood rain,

and frequent showers of eyeball bats

turning people into stone.

I'm Shondra Jiminez, and I ate a rat for dinner.

Mabel, it's me.

So far, I've eluded capture,

but I haven't been able to find you or Stan anywhere.

I don't know if you can hear me,

but wherever you are, whatever happens,

I'm going to find you.

The mall! Maybe they're hiding in there.

- Oh, no. - Hey. Hey, you.

Hey, I wanna talk to you.

I wanna talk to you about going inside my mouth.

I think you wanna get in here.

Hey, you! Hey, I'm talkin' to you!

You don't have to make a big deal outta this.

Hello. Hello!

Why are you just ignoring me?

That's seriously rude

to just ignore someone like that.

Stan! Mabel!

Maybe at least I can get something to eat.

The last nachos on Earth.

Help! The nachos tricked me!

Dipper?

Wendy? Oh, no.

You've been transformed into some sort of tree monster.

It's just camouflage.

My dad made me and my brothers do apocalypse training

every year instead of Christmas.

Guess it's sort of cool their paranoia paid off.

Nice! Bat meat. Let me get that for you.

Wendy, I'm so glad to find you.

I thought everyone I knew was gone.

Hey, hey, it's okay.

We have each other now.

And Toby Determined, who I accidentally mistook for a monster.

This just in: This arrow in my shoulder.

We shouldn't stay out in the open for too long.

Let me show you my hideout.

We were playing Truth Or Dare in the cemetery

when it happened.

The eyeballs froze Nate, Lee, Tambry and Thompson.

Robbie almost got away, but had to pause to take a selfie.

What about you?

I was in a fight with Mabel when it happened.

Uncle Ford asked me to be his apprentice

after the summer was over.

But that would mean I wouldn't go back home.

It would mean growing up without Mabel.

Oh, dude.

Mabel didn't take it well,

and she ran off into the forest.

She couldn't even look me in the eye.

Come on, let's get some fresh air.

Toby, you watch the camp.

Don't call me Toby anymore.

Call me Bodacious T.

No one will ever call you that.

End of the world. Man.

Those death metal album covers

got it shockingly right.

You know, I used to think I could get out of anything.

But this? The journals are destroyed,

Ford is captured,

and I can't find my family anywhere.

Bill said it himself.

There's no room for heroes out here.

We lost.

Look, dude, it's not over yet.

You've beaten Bill twice before.

Why is this time any different?

'Cause then, I had Mabel.

Then you need to get Mabel back.

Look, this summer, I've seen some amazing things,

but nothing as amazing as you and your sister.

I don't know if it's dumb luck,

or yin and yang or whatever,

but when you two work together,

there's nothing you two can't accomplish.

You just need to make up and team up,

and save the universe.

But how will I ever find her?

The shooting star from Mabel's sweater.

She's in there. I know it.

Whoa, is that like twin ESP?

No, we don't have that.

But we do have this thing where our allergies

totally act up at the same time.

Mabel needs us.

How are we gonna get out there without being caught?

I have an idea.

Spin that person, spin that person.

Spin that person.

Go nuts, guys.

When we're done partying, I unveil phase two.

Open up. This is the police.

Time police.

Just play it cool. Ditch the time punch.

Let me do the talking.

Bill Cipher, you are in violation

of the rules of Spacetime,

and possessing the body of a time officer.

My body is a temple. How dare you?

Hear this, Cipher.

Ugh, Time Baby.

If your rip in this dimension continues,

it could destroy the very fabric of existence.

Surrender now or face my tantrum.

Oh, no, a tantrum.

Whatever will I do about that?

How about this?

Aw, snap!

He just killed Time Baby.

Oh, man, this has gone from bad to worse.

I gotta get out of Time Dodge.

Boss, the pine tree kid got away before we could eat him.

Are you worried he might try to cause some trouble?

Yeah, trouble with Mabel's bubble?

Ha! I'm not worried.

I've got someone on the case.

The abandoned auto mart.

Free cars, ripe for the hot wiring.

We have found our ride to Mabel.

Wonder if they have a tank.

I always wanted to drive a tank.

I can't believe this place is just abandoned.

Oh, an air freshener.

Finally, I'll smell like a person.

Stealy, stealy. Ah!

Huh, it's gonna take more than one dart

to keep me...

Oh, no. Tony!

Was it Tony? I can never remember his name.

Well, well, looks like we got ourselves

a pair of ground walkers.

Ha ha, ground walkers.

Ain't got no wheels.

Listen, discount auto warriors.

We just wanna make it to that bubble out east.

We have no quarrel with you.

Oh, but that's where you're wrong.

Hands where I can see 'em.

Y'all fellers ain't goin' nowhere.

Y'all?

Fellers? Wait. Gideon?

That's Sheriff Gideon.

Under the authority of Bill Cipher,

I place you two under arrest.

Hi, Wendy. Have we formally met?

Ooh-wee.

Look who the apocalypse dragged in.

Y'all are in a 12-piece bucket

of deep fried trouble now.

Ghost Eyes, spittoon.

It's Gideon.

And he's gotten folksier.

My old pal Bill figured you might try

to rescue Mabel,

so he appointed me master of these wastelands,

and keeper of the bubble.

My sweet, precious Mabel's trapped inside,

and I have the only key wrapped around my...

well, I wouldn't call it a neck exactly.

Wrapped around this little pocket of fat under my head.

Gideon, you have no right to keep her in there.

Bill explained it to me nice and simple.

She was always destined to be mine,

and now that I have her in a cage,

she'll learn to love me.

I have an eternity to wait.

Ghost Eyes, ready to escort our friends to Bill's dungeon?

No. Hey!

This isn't gonna work, Gideon.

Oh? And why's that?

Because after I break Ghost Eyes' arm,

and steal that key from your neck,

I'm gonna wear your butt on my foot

like a rhinestone slipper.

And what makes you think you can do all that?

'Cause I'm a flippin' Corduroy!

Ghost Eyes, my hench angel.

Get back!

Get back, or I will drop-kick him, I swear.

You'll never get away with this, you hear me?

Guess what? We already did.

Wendy, you're the coolest person I know.

I know, dude. Tell me about it later.

After them!

- You want your baby seat? - Yes, please.

We are not letting them get Mabel.

Discount Auto Mart warriors, roll out!

Okay, all we have to do is outrace Gideon's henchmen,

unlock the bubble, save Mabel, save the world.

Quick question: did you ever get your driver's license?

Definitely not. Arm!

I can't let 'em free Mabel.

Remind me why you're keeping your girlfriend in a prison bubble again.

Have we, the prisoners, become the wardens?

She loves me. She just doesn't know it yet.

- Now quit the philosophy. - Sorry. It was my major.

Ha! Weirdness bubble blockin' the path.

Ooh-wee! We got 'em now.

Watch it. Go around that bubble field.

No way around. Hold on! We're goin' through.

What's even in there?

That was horrible.

Here comes another one, dude. Brace yourself!

Wendy, we're almost there.

We just have to make that jump.

Total lack of driver's training, don't fail me now.

So close.

Mabel... I'm...

almost there.

Hey, Dipper. How's it hangin'?

- Soos! - Soos?

Handyman of the apocalypse, at your service.

Soos, how'd you... where'd you...

I've been wandering the plains like a desperado,

helping strangers.

I guess there are some folk songs about me now.

Let me see what the damage is here.

The good news is, your arm is okay.

What's the bad news?

Bad news is, we're surrounded, dudes.

Ooh-wee!

I daresay you almost had a jump on me

there for a second.

But this ain't your Gravity Falls anymore.

Out here, I win.

Bill's hench bats will be here any minute

to retrieve y'all. Mabel's mine now!

Is she?

Well, yeah. I have her trapped.

Ergo, Mabel is mine.

Gideon, listen to me.

If I've learned anything this summer,

it's that you can't force someone to love you.

The best you can do is strive to be

someone worthy of loving.

Oh, I'm worthy of lovin'.

These prisoners love me.

But Mabel doesn't, because you're selfish.

But you can change.

Bill thinks there's no heroes in this worid,

but if we work together and fight back,

we can defeat him.

You wanna be Mabel's hero?

Stand up to Bill and let us save her.

That's crazy.

You know what Bill would do to me if that happens?

- You scared of Bill? - No, I...

It's a complicated situation.

Look inside, Gideon.

If all this is for Mabel,

then ask yourself what Mabel would want you to do.

Dipper, will you tell her what I did?

Of course.

I hope you're right about this.

Guys, new plan.

Bill's minions are gonna be on us in seconds.

But I'm not gonna let that dumb triangle

be the warden of me.

Y'all ready for a good, old-fashioned prison brawl?

We're behind you for life, brother.

Fighting children is boring.

Fighting a chaos god sounds fun.

Let's do this! Henchmen, roll out!

Whew! And I thought I was gonna have to throw down.

Okay. Remember, guys, this is a prison bubble

designed by Bill.

We've gotta prepare ourselves for what we find in here.

Whatever it is, we'll do it together.

- For Mabel. - For Mabel.

For Mabel.

Anybody wanna get in my mouth?

I'm a big, hungry monster.

I'm a big, hungry monster here.

I would really appreciate it if someone...

You, ma'am, you, ma'am,

how would you like to get in--

Anybod... hello!

Hey, sir, sir.

False alarm. It's just a bird.

Not one person.

Not one person has gotten in my mouth.

I don't care anymore. I just...

I gotta call my mother.