Original subtitles

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

all: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

Hey, Rick!

Oh. Hey, Herb.

So, you know what this week is, right?

Um, is it Easter?

No, it's my spring break!

No school for seven days!

And guess what? Go pack your things

because you and I are going on a big, romantic trip!

Really?

I just came from the travel agent.

We're gonna spend five nights

in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Oh.

- Well, what's the matter? - Myrtle Beach? Really?

We all know what goes on down there.

I don't do that stuff anymore, and neither should you.

Rick, I don't wanna go down there to rage.

I just wanna sit on a beach with you and watch the sunset.

Yeah, but isn't Myrtle Beach where those places are?

I don't wanna go into one of those places.

I don't think they even exist anymore.

Don't you think this is just what we need, Rick?

You don't even wanna go into one of those places?

Rick, I'm a little old for that.

It'd be pretty pathetic if I did.

Well...

Okay. - Ohh, Rick!

We're gonna have the best time!

I can't wait to spoil you.

I really do need a vacation.

Oh, we're gonna have the best spring break of anyone!

All right, guys. You sure you packed everything?

Yeah, that should be all of it.

Well, I hope you and Shelley have a great spring break trip.

I still feel bad, us going on a trip

while you and Stan stay home.

You guys have fun in Santa Fe.

We're gonna do some dad and son stuff.

Goodbye, Shelley!

Have fun! I'll miss you!

There should be food enough to last you the week.

Yes, yes, don't worry. We'll be fine.

- Bye, Stan! Love you! - Love you, Mom!

- Okay, guys, be safe. - Bye!

Aww, jeah!

Bitches are gone!

Spring break! Spring break! Spring break!

This is gonna be the best spring break ever.

They're gonna be gone the whole week!

Bro, what are you doing?

I'm painting miniatures.

Painting min--

Dude, do you not understand?

Your mom and Shelley are gone.

We can do whatever we want without any stupid rules.

Whatever I want?

Yeah, dude!

That's what this is all about.

Let's do some spring break shit!

Can I see if any of the guys wanna come over

to do "40k" all week?

Hell, yeah, let's do some "40k."

What is that?

You don't know "Warhammer 40k"?

Oh, yeah, "Warhammer 40k," of course.

I'm down. Let's do it.

- Really? All week? - Yeah, dude!

You're old enough.

Sweet! I'm gonna call Tolkien!

Oh, Rick.

Isn't this nice? This place is incredible.

Yeah, it's really nice.

I just don't know if I deserve all this.

You do deserve it, Rick.

You've made me really happy.

Are you almost done?

Yeah, all done. Here you go.

Oh, Rick. Look at how happy we are.

Oh, that salt water air is just so good.

Can't wait to try some Southern food.

You hungry? - Yeah, sure. I could eat.

A lot of things are different here in the South.

Kinda hard to figure out what's good.

Yeah, all the stores

and restaurants here aren't like Colorado.

It's almost like another culture.

Herb?

Herb?

Oh, no. - Geez.

It's still here.

You said you wouldn't go into one of these places.

I don't wanna go in. I just...

can't believe some of these places are still here.

Whoa! Look who's here!

What are you doing in town?

Oh, I'm just on vacation.

This is Rick.

Well, do you wanna come inside

and rally a little bit?

Oh, no thanks. I don't rally anymore.

You sure? Everyone would love

to rally with you again.

I'm sure. I don't need to rally.

I'm just here to relax. Take care.

Well, if you change your mind, we'll be here!

America number one!

Number one, yep.

Some people, huh? Geez.

Okay, so I'm gonna have my Retributor Squad

attack your Stormhawk Interceptor.

Okay, that has a toughness of 7

and a -1 to your hit rolls.

Okay, so that's three, four, five hits.

Okay, I'm gonna roll my saving throw, which is 3+.

What in the actual fuck

are you guys doing?

We're playing "40k."

You guys have wasted another day of spring break

with this stupid shit.

Do you guys know what spring break is about?

Wet t-shirt contests, mud wrestling.

Don't you wanna get some bitches over here?

I thought you were happy 'cause the bitches were gone?

I'm happy the bitches are gone

so we can have bitches over!

Spring break is dude time.

But you know what,

today's society has ruined it all.

They've taught you boys to be ashamed of being boys.

Convinced you that your natural innate male desires are toxic.

No matter what the liberals try to tell you, boys,

you shouldn't be ashamed of your gender.

Okay, Dad. So I've got an Imperium infantry unit

within six inches of Celestine,

so they have a +6 save.

My God.

What are we going to do?

I'm going to sleep.

I'm gonna go to sleep now.

♪ I feel so alone ♪

Here I go... to sleep.

Rick?

♪ Go, look at me ♪

♪ I feel so alone ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Move with me ♪

♪ Look at me ♪

♪ I feel so alone ♪

♪ Come on ♪

Can I help you find any--oh, my God!

Sir, you're back!

Yeah, just browsing.

You guys, it's him! He's here!

- Oh, wow, it is him! - It's him?

Is that really you?

What are you doing here?

Could I get a selfie with you?

Hey, uh, since you're here,

you wanna rally a little bit?

No, no. I can't rally

I've got a serious boyfriend. I'm just looking around.

Oh, come on. When are you gonna be here again?

Live a little!

Well, maybe I could do just a little bit.

I mean, wha--

What the hell is up with all these Mexicans? Huh?

Yeah! I mean--I mean, Joe Biden obviously thinks

immigrants are made of gold or something.

Piece of shit!

Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, Steven. You know your son's

been over at my house for spring break?

Yeah, of course I know.

Well, you should see what they're doing,

'cause it's a little hrrrp.

Well--well, what are they doing?

Look, I just think we better talk with our boys

to counteract all the ways in which society

has been pathologizing masculinity.

I mean, you went balls-out on spring break, right?

Tried to see chicks' boobs and stuff?

Mm, no I didn't.

Well, no, I mean, you weren't ashamed

of being a guy, right?

Like, you went out to the lake

and tried to play grab ass with girls, right?

No, I did not.

Why--why are you saying that?

Why are you making those words with your mouth?

Oh, hey, Randy. Everything okay with the boys?

Ohh, right.

Sorry--sorry, yeah, everything's great.

They're playing a little table miniatures game.

It's great.

Just, uh, came to let you know they're good.

Don't worry.

I'm gonna take care of it.

I'll tell you what else.

This whole situation in the Ukraine,

that wouldn't be happening on my watch.

The problem is now we all have a president who's afraid.

And that's why Joe and the ho have got to go!

And I'll tell you another thing.

It's--oh, hang on a second.

Oh, crap.

Ho--hold on a second, everybody.

Uh--

Oh, hey, Rick!

Where are you?

I couldn't sleep, Rick.

I was just tossing and turning

and I didn't wanna wake you up,

so I decided to come out and buy some sunscreen

and stuff for our beach day tomorrow.

Oh, okay.

I got scared that you were out rallying.

Ohh, geez, well, that's silly.

Last thing I wanna do is rally.

Listen up-- get back to sleep, Rick.

I'll--I'll be right home, okay?

Okay. Sorry for panicking. Bye.

Bye-bye.

Okay, uh, nice to meet you, everybody.

I need to get going.

Oh, come on. Just rally with us a little bit more.

No, I really can't.

Just a few more minutes. Come on!

All right, I guess I can rally just a little bit longer.

I mean, after all, I am here for you.

I am your warrior!

Liberal left!

Hunter Biden laptop!

Yeah! Yeah!

Uh--

Ugh. Oh, geez.

Herb? Herb, you gotta get up.

We're gonna miss our whole beach day.

Oh, it's--it's just the time change, Rick.

You enjoy the beach.

I just gotta sleep a little longer.

Okay.

Dude, it's so awesome being able

to leave "Warhammer" set up all night

and come back to it in the morning.

I know, it's great.

Hey, hey, you guys. What did you do?

- What do you mean? - I mean the cops are here.

What did you guys do?

We're just continuing our game of "40k" from last night.

Okay, you guys, just stop

'cause the police wanna ask you some questions.

Come on in, officers.

Hello, gentlemen.

Hands up.

We heard somebody in here's been bad.

Oh, no, guys. Looks like you're in big trouble.

You better read 'em their rights.

Hey, whoa, whoa! Don't touch the models.

We spent a long time on this.

Stan, stop with that shit.

Come on, get into it.

Wet t-shirt contest!

Hey, what the fuck?

- What? - Hey, you fuck guy!

You do not harass the ladies!

Well, I wanted strippers, not prudes.

You wanna talk, big man? Huh?

You wanna be big man?

Whoa, whoa, okay. I--

I think I need to explain something to you, okay?

Look, I'm just trying to combat the messages

that the liberal left is putting out to young men

about their male instincts being toxic.

The fuck you talking?

You know, I'm trying to show my son

and his nerdy little friend what a real party is

'cause society wants them to be ashamed

of their masculine natures.

- You want real party? - Yeah!

Truth is, I got a whole barn full of weed.

I will call some friends.

The person you are trying to reach

cannot be located.

Please leave a message.

Where are you?

I got back from the beach and you were gone.

Please pick up.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

And we're gonna take Georgia,

and--and we're gonna take Arizona this time!

And when I say we're gonna take Arizona in the election,

I--I mean we're gonna take it again.

'cause we all know I won it last time, too!

Oh. Hey, everybody.

This is Rick.

Rick! Rick, will you just wait!

You know it's 2:00 in the morning?

I was alone at the hotel while you were out rallying!

I just wanted to rally for a little bit.

Yeah, you really look like you just rallied a little bit.

I got a text that Tucker was in town,

and I just wanted to go rally for a little bit.

You really think those people care about you, Herb?

They don't. They just wanna do that.

Rick, I got it out of my system now.

We can still have a great vacation.

Let's just start over tomorrow.

Okay?

Right, all right, let's do this!

Okay, you ready?

Three, two, one. Go!

Check it out, guys!

Ahh!

Huh? Whoa!

Sir, do you think you can walk?

No, I don't think so.

Sir, we think you've had too much to drink,

and we should probably take you to the hospital.

No, I can't. I have to stay here

'cause I'm in charge of my son.

Today's woke culture has vilified his manhood

and made him ashamed of himself.

Okay, sir, but it appears you have a broken arm

and several fractured ribs.

Yeah, but I can't leave

because my son's natural instincts are being suppressed

and it's leading to behavioral problems.

You see the shit he's doing?

He's over there playing with dolls.

It's pretty good fondue, right?

We should probably just go back to the hotel.

You've got the shakes from rallying all night.

No, no, Rick. This is our vacation.

I want us to have a nice

romantic lunch.

Maybe we should just go back to Colorado.

No, Rick. I'm gonna make this up to you.

I don't wanna rally anymore.

There's just a lot of people out there

who won't let it go, you know?

Yes, and you can't be around them.

I know, I know.

Let me just--

Let me just go throw up because I'll feel much better.

Okay, go throw up, Herb.

Oh, God.

Come on, just stop. Stop.

The country is fine.

You have better things to do.

Yeah, oh yeah! That's it! Yeah!

We're gonna get abortion rights thrown the hell out

so those dirty lesbians can't keep having abortions!

Yeah! Oh, yeah, man!

We're gonna get those Black Lives Matter protestors

off the streets with a fire hose!

Yeah, America! both: Yeah!

Rick!

Fuck you.

Well, to hell with you!

Nobody controls me!

- Yeah! - Yeah! America! Yeah!

Can I help you?

We've had some complaints about a party

that's been going on for three days here.

Hey, what's going on?

All right, guys, who ordered the stripper?

Can we come in and look around, sir?

Oh, yeah! Come on in.

Honk honk!

All right, get down on the ground!

Whoa, whoa! No, no, no. It's okay.

I'm just helping my boy

through the media assault on manliness.

Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

I need to see some ID, sir.

Uh! Okay! Okay, Stan! Stan!

Yeah?

Can you get my wallet from the upstairs?

Yeah, soon as we're done with this psyker phase.

I have five psyker units.

Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.

Hey! Freeze! You, right there!

That's Alonzo Fineski, the Romanian sex trafficker!

Fuck you, big man!

Ahh! Oh, my God!

Ahh!

Stan? Stan?

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

here he is,

the once and future president

of the United States of America!

Thank you. I am here today

for those who have been wronged.

For those who have been betrayed.

And let me tell you

that nobody in this country has been betrayed more

than my Ricky Rick.

Huh? What?

Rick, I am so sorry.

And if you are out there,

I want you to know that I love you.

You are the only thing that keeps me from doing

all this stupid stuff.

When I met you, I felt in control of myself

for the first time.

There has never been anyone who calmed me down more

than my little Ricky Bear.

You are my boo.

Did he just say that Rick is his boo?

The truth is, some of us simply can't be alone.

We need a relationship so that we're accountable to someone.

I realize now how broken I am

without that person who keeps me from destroying myself.

Sh-Sharon?

And all I've ever done was take you for granted

and wished I wasn't being controlled.

Hi, Sharon.

Will you please come home?

Rick, I am a giant piece of shit without you.

I don't deserve another chance.

You have been wronged.

You have been betrayed.

And the only person who deserves retribution is me.

I know you all really want to rally and rage, but...

the only thing I have to say is...

is that I love Rick.

I love Rick! I love Rick!

I love Rick.

I love Rick! I love Rick!

I love Rick! - I love you, Rick!

all: I love Rick! I love Rick!

I love Rick! - Yeah!

all: I love Rick!

I love Rick! I love Rick!

I love Rick! I love Rick!

I love Rick!

Oh, crap. Here we go again!

all: I love Rick! I love Rick!

I love--

It's okay, Randy. We're back.

I'm sorry I cut your trip short.

It's okay, Randy.

You made it longer than last spring break.

- Oh. Hey, Mom. - Stanley,

what have I told you about playing "Warhammer"

on the kitchen table? - Aw!

Oh, Rick!

I don't wanna go through all that again.

I just wanna stay in South Park with you.

Well, I guess we'll just have to see what happens.