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Thank you for being a friend.
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Travel down the road and back again.
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Your heart...
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What's this?
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Oh, Vincent Vale, that self -help guru,
he's holding a seminar here this week. I
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read his book, Ready, Willing, Enable.
It should be really good.
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Ready, Willing, Enable.
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Hey, I saw that movie on the Naughty
Network.
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It's about this cheerleader, see?
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She gets separated from the team. She
has to work her way across country by
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doing this. Yes, well, the book is
different.
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It has a lot of good advice in it. You
know, it inspires you to get things done
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on your own. Yeah, in a strange way, so
did the movie.
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Blanche.
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Book?
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How'd they do the U -Haul scene?
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The book is different. It's one of those
self -help books.
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Oh, you know, I took a self -improvement
course once, but I dropped out.
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Really? Why?
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Well, when you have as much going for
you as I do, if you just keep improving,
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it gets obnoxious.
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Boy, you got out just in time.
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Hello, there you are.
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Please, I've been here a week. Call me
Nick. Oh, all right, Nick.
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And you can call me anytime.
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I mean that.
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Well, thank you. You know, I haven't
seen nearly enough of you during your
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here with us.
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Blanche, I see you every time I come in
from the pool.
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I know, but you always have your robe
on.
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I mean that.
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Oh, Mr.
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DiCarlo, you're up early this morning.
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Oh, it's hard not to be after that wake
-up call you gave me.
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Oh, that.
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That's an old St. Olaf custom.
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Rise and shine.
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Here's a peck on the face. Give me a
little smile. Hoist me by the waist.
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the tub with water. Spank me like your
daughter.
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00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:04,070
You're embarrassing the man.
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00:03:04,670 --> 00:03:07,110
Oh, no. It takes a lot more than that to
embarrass me.
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Can I feel your bottom?
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He's gorgeous. Stop that.
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Ladies,
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I'm afraid I have a little problem.
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I was expecting a check to be wired,
and, well, I just found out that it's
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going to come. And you won't be able to
pay your bill right away?
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Well, not in the traditional sense, but
I do have a proposition for you. Count
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me in. You're on. Deal.
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00:03:36,140 --> 00:03:38,100
Actually, I'd like to start in your
kitchen.
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Kinky. Cool. I'm in.
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No, ladies, please. I want to start
working in your kitchen to pay off my
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Now, we couldn't let you do that, not a
man of your stature.
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Maybe we could find you a job more in
keeping with what you normally do.
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That's right, we could do that. What is
it you normally do?
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I'm a gigolo.
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What?
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I'm a gigolo.
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00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:09,060
Oh, you had us going there
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for a minute.
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00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:14,190
No, what do you really do? I find
wealthy older women become romantically
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involved with them and they support me
with their money.
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I got 20 shares in Nabisco. What would
that get me?
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Well, you ought to be ashamed of
yourself, Mr.
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DiCarlo. You're nothing like I thought.
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That's right.
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And it looks like we will be putting you
to work in our kitchen. Doing dishes.
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And because we despise you so much,
you'll have to do it without your shirt.
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00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:51,600
You know, I've been thinking about
switching careers.
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What do you have to do to become a
gigolo?
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Well, first, you have to look good in
suits.
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I can do that.
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Second, you have to be courteous and
complimentary.
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Yeah, I can do that.
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00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:11,580
But most important, you have to be able
to have sex with women you aren't
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attracted to.
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Wow.
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I've been training for this job my whole
life.
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news, Don Prescott won't be able to take
you to the Yacht Club Ball tonight.
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What?
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00:05:32,930 --> 00:05:33,930
Oh.
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Well, that's what I get for lining up a
blind date for the biggest event of the
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year. He better have one hell of an
excuse.
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He died.
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And?
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Ledge. Well, I'm sorry, but you don't
know what this dance means to me, Rose.
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All my friends are gonna be there.
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And how about a really expensive dress
just for the occasion?
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Blanche, Don died.
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It's a fabulous dress.
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Excuse me. I couldn't help overhearing.
I'm available tonight. I could fill in
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for the deceased.
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00:06:10,050 --> 00:06:13,070
Oh, that isn't necessary, Nick. All Don
has to do is lie there.
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I meant escorting Blanche to the dance
tonight, if she'll let me.
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Well, I just hate the whole idea of what
you do.
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But it's a fabulous dress.
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Blanche! Well, I have no choice.
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Shall I drive?
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Yes. Donald's brother was going to
drive, but he probably has an excuse,
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I can't believe I let you talk me into
this, man.
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I don't need a self -help seminar.
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Well, I think you do.
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Why? What are you talking about? What's
wrong with me?
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No,
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just forget I mentioned it.
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No, I really want to know.
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00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,900
Well, I think that your personality is
flawed.
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00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:08,340
I think there's an aspect of the persona
that you project which puts people off
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and manifests itself in the way you
dress and the way you talk. It's all
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terrible.
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00:07:13,660 --> 00:07:15,780
Hello, positive people.
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The point of this seminar is that you
can have everything you want as long as
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you're ready, willing, and able, sir.
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That's good, Roland.
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This week is going to be an exercise in
personal willpower, but before we begin,
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does anyone have any questions?
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Yeah. Yes.
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What do you think of the way I'm
dressed?
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It doesn't work.
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Now, at the end of the seminar... We
will test our personal strength with the
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fire walk.
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The what walk?
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The fire walk.
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See, you confront your personal fears by
walking across a bed of hot coals.
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What's your biggest fear, man? Walking
across a bed of hot coals?
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00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:07,990
Look, I promise you, after you walk
across these coals, you're going to be a
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00:08:07,990 --> 00:08:08,929
different man.
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00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:11,270
Yeah, instead of being chewy, I'll be
crispy.
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I just want you to know I had a really
good time.
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Oh, well, so did I.
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00:08:26,860 --> 00:08:28,720
You know what I was thinking at the
dance tonight?
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I don't think I've ever met anyone as
self -absorbed as I am.
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I was thinking the very same thing about
me.
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Oh, Nick, I don't think it would be wise
for us to take this any further.
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What's wrong?
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You can't possibly find me unattractive.
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00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:57,730
Oh, of course not. It's just that, well,
you are a Golden Palace employee now,
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and I don't want to be accused of sexual
harassment again.
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00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:08,890
Again? You lick one gardener on the back
of the neck, all of a sudden it's a
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00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:09,890
federal offense.
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00:09:13,190 --> 00:09:19,450
We both know it's in our best interest
to...
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ignore the unquenchable yearning that
burns like a fire in our bellies
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absolutely
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a half for doing the dishes in my
speedo.
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Well, now that you're a free man, what
are your plans?
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00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:04,730
Actually, being with you has made me
think of getting out of this gigolo
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business.
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00:10:05,810 --> 00:10:08,330
Really? Well, what would you do?
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00:10:08,670 --> 00:10:12,770
Well, my brother owns a hardware store
in my hometown, Carlington, Indiana.
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00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:14,510
been trying to get me up there for
years.
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00:10:14,790 --> 00:10:16,230
Maybe it's time to do that.
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00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:18,690
Oh, no, Nick, don't go.
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00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:20,890
Oh, we're having so much fun here.
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00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,000
Why don't you just stay here with me
while you look for a job? Well, you can
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always help out around here.
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Well, it has been nice.
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00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,660
Even if I do have the hands of a
longshoreman now.
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00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,160
Oh, your hands are much softer than
theirs were.
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00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,400
Besides, you won't have to wash any
dishes.
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What will I have to do?
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Well, don't worry.
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We'll find something.
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00:11:04,970 --> 00:11:06,850
You still got that book ready, willing,
and able?
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00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:10,190
All right, Julie, I'm proud of you.
Actually, I want two copies.
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00:11:10,430 --> 00:11:13,470
Really? Why? Yeah, so I can strap them
to my feet while I walk across those
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stupid coals.
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00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:17,190
Come on, man.
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00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,830
Roland, don't hate me because I'm
flammable.
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00:11:20,170 --> 00:11:21,170
Oh,
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hey, Blanche, I just saw Nick by the
pool, and I thought he was leaving.
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00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:29,290
No, he'll be staying at the hotel for a
while.
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00:11:29,530 --> 00:11:31,550
Oh, Blanche. Oh, it's okay.
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00:11:32,170 --> 00:11:33,990
Oh, Nick's given up the gigolo trade.
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00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:35,550
Really? How's he going to make a living?
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Well, I'll be taking care of his needs.
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Gee, I hope he can adjust.
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00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:45,430
It's not like that.
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Nick has turned over a new leaf. He's a
changed man.
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00:11:49,270 --> 00:11:52,590
And I'm sure that in a little while,
everybody's going to forget all about
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shady past.
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00:11:53,870 --> 00:11:55,190
Hey, Blanche, where's the hookup?
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Look, I don't care what anybody thinks.
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00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,020
I have found a man I really like.
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00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,780
You know, it's been a long time since I
went out with anybody this handsome, and
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00:12:07,780 --> 00:12:09,660
you just don't know what it's done for
me.
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00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:13,140
So what if I have to take care of him? I
like buying him things.
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00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,660
And ultimately, it's none of your
business.
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00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,540
No, Blanche, it is my business.
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00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:23,300
I mean, this guy takes advantage of
women, older women who give him
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00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:26,380
they have for a few cheap moments of
tawdry sex.
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00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,580
I don't want you on that list.
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00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:32,170
That's just sheer jealousy, and I'm not
going to listen to another word.
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00:12:33,730 --> 00:12:35,450
Whoa, there's a list?
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00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,560
Now, you can do this, man. Your mind is
more powerful than your fear. You just
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00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,400
have to keep saying to yourself, cool,
cool, cool.
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00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,120
You'll be fine.
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00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,220
Go ahead.
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00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:15,580
Chewy, chewy, chewy, chewy, chewy,
chewy. Cool, cool,
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00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:16,580
cool.
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00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:37,360
and Zach together. I'm already making my
dreams come true. You're chicken,
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00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:38,540
aren't you?
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00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:41,920
And I don't want to be barbecue chicken.
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00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:45,740
You can do anything, man.
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00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,740
Look at all you've accomplished, huh?
205
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:52,300
Okay, you may be a little bit scared.
Okay, you're not scared. Okay, but
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00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:55,840
got the power and you're not a quitter.
Your feet hurt, don't they? They're
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00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:56,840
killing me.
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00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,060
But that's not the point. If you want to
make your dreams come true, you've got
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00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:03,940
to do this. Now, come on, man. I've got
faith in you. Come on, Roland. You can
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00:14:03,940 --> 00:14:04,639
do this.
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00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:05,640
Get up there. Listen.
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00:14:05,660 --> 00:14:06,660
Just think.
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00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,440
Concentrate.
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00:14:09,460 --> 00:14:10,460
Roland.
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00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:11,800
Roland. Roland.
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00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:13,360
Roland.
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00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:15,220
It
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00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:22,240
takes
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00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,080
a brave man to do what you just did,
man.
220
00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:35,510
Circulation in her feet.
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00:14:39,710 --> 00:14:44,450
Teeth as white as ivory. Skin as smooth
as marble.
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00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:47,530
Lips as succulent as fresh fruit.
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00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:48,930
That's beautiful.
224
00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:52,690
Now let me tell you some of the things I
like about me.
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00:14:57,910 --> 00:15:01,570
Breasts as pert and bouncy as...
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00:15:06,150 --> 00:15:08,110
Mary Lou Retton on a trampoline.
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00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:13,790
You really are a very special lady,
Blanche.
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00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:16,270
Oh, I think you're pretty special, too.
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00:15:16,890 --> 00:15:20,290
I just wish... Oh, never mind.
230
00:15:20,510 --> 00:15:21,670
What? What is it?
231
00:15:23,310 --> 00:15:27,770
Well, Blanche, now that I've turned over
a new leaf, it just bothers me that you
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00:15:27,770 --> 00:15:28,970
pay for everything.
233
00:15:29,310 --> 00:15:34,370
Oh. Why am I letting you do it? I hate
myself for that.
234
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,720
Oh, you pay for my room, my food, my
suits, my shoes.
235
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:40,400
I didn't tell you to buy new shoes.
236
00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:43,180
Well, I picked them up when I got the
suit.
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00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,760
I just feel it's time for me to make a
change.
238
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:52,940
So... I want to propose something to
you.
239
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:54,280
Oh, Nick.
240
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:55,980
What are you suggesting?
241
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:57,340
That we get married?
242
00:15:58,420 --> 00:16:02,080
Oh, no, Blanche. I wasn't going to ask
you to marry me. I was going to propose
243
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,340
that I go back to Indiana.
244
00:16:04,319 --> 00:16:05,319
You what?
245
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:09,480
Oh, I love you, Blanche. You're
everything to me, and I want to prove my
246
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:14,300
you by... Raisin?
247
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,100
No, thank you. You sure?
248
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:17,319
I'm fine.
249
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:21,120
Of course, it's amazing how something so
wrinkly can be so... tasty.
250
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:30,860
I said no, thank you. How about
251
00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:32,440
an old prune?
252
00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:39,260
That was a double entendre. Yeah, I
know. I know what it was. Here. Here,
253
00:16:39,260 --> 00:16:41,580
you just get out. Get out. Get out. Get
out.
254
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,240
Anyway, Blanche, I want to take care of
you.
255
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:51,860
So I'm going to swallow my pride, work
in my brother's store, save up some
256
00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:53,360
money, and then come back for you.
257
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,840
Nick. Nick. Oh, you don't know how happy
this makes me.
258
00:16:58,460 --> 00:16:59,460
Oh.
259
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:00,680
Oops.
260
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:02,260
Want to pick that up, Nick?
261
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:03,520
Come on.
262
00:17:07,439 --> 00:17:09,960
Wonderful. Simply wonderful.
263
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,200
Here.
264
00:17:11,319 --> 00:17:14,359
Here. You get out of here. Get out. Oh,
come on. That was clever.
265
00:17:14,579 --> 00:17:15,579
Sophia.
266
00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:20,560
Um, so when are you going to Indiana?
267
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:22,700
Tonight.
268
00:17:22,819 --> 00:17:26,000
I just figured the sooner I go, the
sooner I can come back.
269
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,460
Oh, well, all right.
270
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:33,060
Do you have everything you need? Oh,
pretty much. Pretty much. Oh, this is
271
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:34,600
ironic after what I just said.
272
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,220
I could use some money.
273
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:40,680
Oh, yeah, sure. How much do you need?
Oh, I was thinking a couple of thousand.
274
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:42,760
That much?
275
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:46,120
I don't want my brother to think I've
come crawling back.
276
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:47,900
Fifteen hundred?
277
00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:49,599
Yeah, sure.
278
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,480
I'll write you a check. No, no. Oh, no.
279
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:53,920
No, no.
280
00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:55,020
I understand.
281
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:56,720
Okay.
282
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,600
I'll go get some champagne and we'll
celebrate.
283
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:05,420
Okay. I just wish I knew what I did to
deserve a woman like you.
284
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,200
I'm not picking that up, Sophia.
285
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:26,580
Just a man I wanted to see. Come have a
seat, Nick.
286
00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:29,700
I'm afraid I can't. Rose Blanche and I
are in the middle of dinner. Oh, she
287
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:30,860
won't mind. Come on, sit down.
288
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:38,480
I made some calls, and I found out
there's no such place as Carlington,
289
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,100
Your hometown doesn't exist.
290
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,420
How do you explain that?
291
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,000
Okay, it doesn't exist.
292
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,460
You're not a gigolo, Nick. You're a con
artist.
293
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,920
And I have a feeling there are quite a
few people who'd like to see you.
294
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,800
I'd hate to have to tell them where you
are.
295
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,560
You're going to ruin this for me, aren't
you, Rose?
296
00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:02,820
Wait.
297
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,240
Can I at least say goodbye to Blanche?
298
00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:06,620
Make it quick.
299
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,680
I did make her happy, you know.
300
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:14,900
I know.
301
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,000
I have to compliment you, Rose.
302
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,040
You're smarter than you look.
303
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,540
I wish I could believe that.
304
00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:35,570
Here's the money you wanted.
305
00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:36,850
And then some.
306
00:19:37,390 --> 00:19:40,870
Well, I wanted to get you off to a good
start. It'll bring you back to me that
307
00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:43,250
much quicker. Oh, sweetheart, I'm at a
loss for words.
308
00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:48,030
Some words just came to me.
309
00:19:49,490 --> 00:19:51,690
You know, I can't take your money.
310
00:19:52,570 --> 00:19:55,450
Although, believe me, I'd love to.
311
00:19:56,950 --> 00:20:00,430
But if I'm going to prove to you that I
can make it on my own, then I'd better
312
00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:02,190
get going. So I'm going to leave
behind...
313
00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:05,170
Everything you bought me.
314
00:20:05,390 --> 00:20:07,890
Even the shoes? Surely you can take the
shoes.
315
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:13,330
No, I really can't.
316
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:16,950
Well, I certainly do admire your
determination.
317
00:20:21,050 --> 00:20:22,050
Wait.
318
00:20:22,590 --> 00:20:25,130
I'm going to need more than these to
tide me over.
319
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:35,980
Favorite show, Cops.
320
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:44,720
Gotta go. I'll just slip out the back.
321
00:20:45,820 --> 00:20:46,960
I'll see you soon.
322
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:48,620
Yeah.
323
00:20:50,740 --> 00:20:52,100
Did I interrupt something?
324
00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:57,360
Nick's going home to Indiana to work in
his brother's hardware store.
325
00:20:57,780 --> 00:20:58,980
Well, that's a surprise.
326
00:20:59,540 --> 00:21:03,560
He's coming back for me when he's saved
up enough money. And I really love him.
327
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,200
I just hope he'll be all right.
328
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,280
He has no money. He has no shoes.
329
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,860
He'll be just fine, Blanche. What? What?
330
00:21:13,140 --> 00:21:14,140
What?
25830
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