Original subtitles

Good morning, boss.

Good morning, Gatou.

What is that you're wearing in your eye?

It's a monocle.

I know, it's a monocle.

Pretty classy, hmm?

My cousin, Hugo, he trades a family tree.

And boss, you wouldn't believe it.

We are direct descendants of kings of France.

I am a royalty.

Congratulations, your royaltieship.

And now, shall we go and meet our guest? Or do you consider that beneath you?

Miles, everyone.

Miles.

I

know

her. She's Maureen Benning, the rich millionaire's daughter.

The one that the detective is looking for.

She ran away because she wants to marry the man her father hates.

Hates is too soft a word to describe the way Mr. M. V. Banning feels about his

proposed son -in -law. You see, the gentleman in question is a self -styled

named Barnaby Jeffers.

Miss Banning's father sees him as a pretentious deadbeat interested only in

daughter's money. And that's why she's come here.

Her fantasy is to marry the man she loves and she wants to do it this

But we have to act fast before the detective finds her.

His orders are to stop her from doing anything.

Foolish. No matter what it costs.

Mr. Jake Gordon.

Once a somewhat famous heavyweight boxer.

I remember him, boss. Do you?

Yes. They used to call him Jarring Jake. That's right.

The Colorado Crusher. That's right.

He used to be terrific.

He used to have a high on the left.

He was almost a champion.

Well, that's a very effective style tattoo.

And of course, you're right.

Mr. Gordon was almost champion, and that can be a very sad word.

Almost.

But is the young man a boxer, too?

Oh, he is indeed. He is also Mr. Gordon's protege.

Many people believe he has a good chance to be the next Olympic champion,

something he's dreamed about and worked for since he was a little boy.

That's nice.

But if he's already making his fantasy come true, what does he need us for?

He wants to fight for that championship this weekend.

What's the big hurry?

Well, unfortunately, Billy can't wait much longer. You see, his doctors say he

might only have a short time to live.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

I hope you will be comfortable here. We have tried to provide all the comforts

and, of course, all the requirements of a first -class training camp.

Exactly as you requested, Mr. Blake.

What do you think, Roger?

That looks first -rate to me.

The bungalow has been provisioned. The regulation ring, you see, and the

training area complete with all the equipment.

Couldn't be better.

Ah, but the most important thing.

Enrico.

Yes, Mr. Juan Enrico and his handlers will arrive tomorrow.

The fight will take place the day after.

That's great.

Excuse me.

Billy, you do realize, don't you, that even though most boxing experts agree

that you and Juan Enrico are the only real contenders for the championship,

there can be no official record of this fight or the results.

Is that clear? I know.

But if I beat him, I'll know that I could have been the champ.

Yes.

I'm sorry, I must ask you once more.

You know your doctors give you three or four more years to live, but they also

say that a blow to your head might hasten your death, that you might beat

Enrico only to die a few days later.

I know that, Mr. Rourke.

But fighting for the championship is something I've dreamed about ever since

was a kid.

You might say it's the only thing I've got left to live for now.

So if I have to give a couple of years for it, it's worth it.

Yes.

Then so be it.

Your lifelong dream will be fulfilled in two days.

Good luck, Billy.

If there is anything else you require, Mr. Blake, let us know.

See you later.

There you go, chap.

Oh, how beautiful.

Yes, it is, isn't it? And yet, may I?

Please, yes.

And yet, as the old adage states, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Well,

in your own case, what you see as admirable qualities in the young man you

must appear as disastrous faults to your father.

You're right.

Daddy sees nothing but faults with Barnaby.

Do you know?

that he calls him a freeloading, no -talent, blood -sucking, lounge lizard

an allergy to work, unquote.

And how do you perceive the very same Barnaby?

Barnaby's a genius. He's an artist.

Well, you don't have to believe me. Here, the proof in his poems.

Suede Lips by Barnaby Jeffers.

Suede Lips?

Yes, it's a collection of love poems.

Full of brilliant images.

Oh, I see.

Here, read my favorite one.

All right.

The rubber peach.

The rubber peach?

The rubber peach.

I gave my love a rubber peach to bounce in her fruit basket hot.

Bounce, you peach, bounce. Oh, bounce and never fear the porcupine.

Now you truly know Barnaby.

I certainly do.

Oh, I'm afraid we have to postpone further discussion of your fantasy. I

that gentleman over there is your father's detective, isn't he?

He?

You're right, that's Ernie Peavy.

Daddy's private eye.

Mr. Mr. Rourke.

You know, he's going to take me back home if he has to put me in chains.

Which he will have to.

You promised to deliver my fantasy.

You've got to do something.

I'll distract Mr. Peavy.

But I think you had better leave the hotel grounds.

He's sure to find you if you stay here.

But where will I go?

Don't improvise.

Hide until your fiancé arrives.

And don't worry, I'll be in touch with you. I'll be in touch with you. Now go,

go, go.

Come on, it's getting hot in the bus. We've been waiting 20 minutes.

It's a definite no -show. She's not going to show up, huh?

We'd better shop off. Come on, now, look, her luggage arrived, didn't it?

means that Lulu Laverne can't be far behind.

Maybe we'd better look around.

What are you eyeballing it for?

I mean, you don't even know what she looks like, do you?

I don't know what she looks like. They don't know what she looks like. You've

never seen a picture of her. Neither of us have ever seen a picture of her.

She's here. I mean, I'm here.

Hello. Miss Laverne?

I'm Russ McCoy.

It's an honor, and it's a privilege.

Well, let's get moving.

What did I tell you? No show.

Yeah, well, something's fitting.

I thought little Laverne was a redhead.

A girl can change the color of her hair, can't she?

Come on.

Hey, kid, I want you to say hi to the star of our show, Miss Lulu LaVerne.

Timing, maybe a little off. No, no, don't worry about it. Let's hit the

Come on.

That's Jenny.

Jenny?

Jenny Collins, you're crazy.

I'm telling you, that's her.

Jenny!

What are you doing, Billy? What was Jenny?

You're crazy. That wasn't Jenny.

Why'd you go off like that?

I want to see her, Jake. I want to talk to her. What for?

We came down here to fight, not relive your high school romance with that

tramp.

Jake, don't you ever see that again.

You know it's true, Billy.

You got no time for women.

Now, that Cuban's not going to be a pushover. We came down here to fight.

So let's fight, huh, boy?

Miss Cullen wants to speak to you. Oh, by all means. Come in, Miss Cullen.

Please sit down, won't you?

No, thank you.

Is there something I can do for you?

I'm afraid I have to leave the island.

I can't work here anymore.

Oh, is that so?

I was under the impression we had contracted your services to work at the

for six months.

Tattoo? That's right, boss.

She's only been here a week.

A week?

That hardly pays for the transportation to bring you here, does it?

I know that.

Listen, whatever it costs, Mr. Rourke, I'll make it up to you.

I'll send you the money just as soon as I get another job away from here.

Can it be so important that you leave our island?

Yes.

You see, I saw someone today that I used to know.

It's very important that I get away.

Oh, then get away you shall.

The next plane will be in two days. I'll arrange for your passage.

Thank you very much, Mr. Roy. You're very welcome, Miss Collins.

She seemed quite upset, didn't she, the two?

She is, boss. She is. All we have to hope for now is that Billy saw her, too.

You all right?

Yeah. I didn't mean to scare you. The elephant.

The elephant got in the way of the bus.

Oh, did you hurt yourself?

No. Well, let me do it. Hey, I'll give you one of these rubdowns.

No, just relax.

Sometimes when you get one of these things, you know, it pulls a muscle.

I'm fine.

Be careful.

Please, would you get your hands off me?

I'm sorry.

I mean, if you buy it, I mean, after all, you are a member of the cast now.

Well, I mean, I was just trying to be a good trooper.

When I was a kid, people always used to make fun of me.

I just like to help people out, you know what I mean? Like kind of a good

Samaritan.

Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry.

Oh, you don't have to worry about Whoopi making a pass, Miss Laverne.

He's a gentleman.

Sort of like an uncle to the girls in the chorus.

Oh, well, I'm not in the market for a substitute uncle just now.

I'm Sheila Palumbo.

We work in the chorus.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, excuse me.

Mind if I sit down?

I'd rather you didn't.

Thanks.

I heard you talking with Whoopi and Sheila.

Tell me, are you always such a miserable, downbeat dame?

Miserable?

If you don't go away, I'll tell the driver to put you out in the middle of

road.

You're really something else.

The driver works for me. I mean, so do you.

Now, you know, I like the members of my company to have respect for each other.

Sort of, you know, one big happy family, as corny as that may sound.

So I would appreciate it if you would at least pretend to like everyone, Miss

Laverne. Otherwise, I might just have to put you out in the middle of the road.

You wouldn't dare.

You want to try me?

I'm sorry if I was rude.

So you'll try to be friendlier now from now on, huh?

Yes, I'll try to be friendlier.

Terrific.

By the way, where's Shecky?

Isn't he in your act anymore?

Shecky? Your monkey, Shecky the Chimp. I heard that used to be a big finish for

your act.

Yeah, the band would play Abba Dabba Honeymoon and then Shecky would take

clothes off.

Oh, the monkey, who took off my clothes.

I don't do that anymore.

Um, uh, well, Shecky, um, um, Shecky got sick.

He, uh, he ate a bad banana.

Oh, listen, I mean, it's all right with me. I mean, I bought Miss Lulu Laverne,

the hottest and the wildest stripper in the universe. You want to do the act

alone, that's fine. Just great. It's okay with me. I mean, I think personally

that a solo strip act, it's classier, you know.

Why don't you get some shut -eye, huh?

And think friendly, okay?

Jenny? Jenny, please, don't go again.

You shouldn't have come here.

I had to.

I've been looking for you everywhere the last few years.

It was a waste of time.

Why?

Why'd you keep running?

Never answered any of my letters.

Why shouldn't I have?

Because.

I think we had something special.

I'm not your innocent high school sweetheart that went off to be the movie

anymore.

Didn't your friends tell you what happened to me after that?

Yeah, they told me.

They told me everything except why you didn't come home again.

How could I after what I'd become?

After you found out?

Listen, Jenny, I told you in my letters.

That I loved you then and I love you now. It doesn't make any difference what

mistakes you made.

Billy, it's too late.

How could it be too late? I've been looking for you for two years now.

And by accident, I find you here. I'll let you get away again.

Not now.

Not now more than ever.

Thank you, girls. Thank you. All right, Whoopi, you ready?

Yeah, I'm ready. All right, hit it.

And there we go. Yes, yes.

Well, Whoopi, my boy, here we are in beautiful downtown Paris, Frank.

Yeah, we're all the Parisites.

We're all the mademoiselles.

Well, there's one, there's one.

Hey, you're early. Do you parley for Whoopi?

Whoopi! Whoopi! Whoopi! Whoopi, you've got to stop that. Now, I mean, if you

want to attract a girl in Paris, you can't be crude.

All the French girls have savoir -faire.

They have?

What? I say all the French girls have savoir -faire.

That's okay.

I've been vaccinated.

All right, Whoopi. We know the bet. We know the bet.

What do you mean? Don't you want to rehearse the rest of the night? Ten and

thousand times.

You're terrific.

I love you.

All right, let's change the set for Lulu's number.

Where is she?

She's still in her dressing room, Russ. I don't know what's with her, ma 'am. We

talked to her and she said she's absolutely not coming out.

Okay, we'll see about that.

Why don't you run the chorus number with the piano?

I'll be right back.

Okay.

Barnaby isn't here yet, Mr. Rourke.

Well, I'm not concerned, Miss Banning. I'm sure your fiancé will arrive on the

next plane.

But you don't understand. What do I do in the meantime? They want me to go out

on that stage and strip all my clothes off.

Go away.

I beg your pardon?

No, not you. I have to call you back.

How dare you bust into my dressing room? Get out of here.

Leave your costume.

Get into it and haul your feathers out on that stage.

I told you to get out.

Lady, there are a bunch of hard -working professional performers counting on

this backer's audition to be as successful as I have jobs and income,

not going to let any two -bit prima donna strip or louse up the deal because

wants to be a spoiled brat.

Now, you have five minutes to get yourself into that costume.

If you don't, I'll put you in it myself.

I know karate.

You have four minutes and 30 seconds.

Lulu, you're not supposed to be on your feet. What are you doing, Russ? Oh, you

poor darling. The doctor told her to rest and get lots of fruit juices until

fever breaks.

What fever? We better start to contrast this right away.

Well, why didn't she tell me she wasn't feeling good? Listen, you take it easy

until you're okay. I'm sorry I leaned on you.

Miss who?

You can stop the performance. I got the afternoon paper.

See? We know all about you.

Oh.

Um, how much do you ladies want to keep quiet about this?

How would you like a sock in the bazoo? We're not interested in your money.

Well, then why are you helping me?

Hey, we're all girls, aren't we?

Besides, I've always been a sucker for a happy ending. You mean you won't tell

my father where I'm hiding?

Nope. And Betty and me bought up all the papers at the newsstand and dumped them

into the alley. Nobody else is going to know unless we tell them, which we

won't.

Oh, I don't know what to say.

How about thank you?

Yes, of course.

Oh, thank you.

Um, but what do I do now?

Well, if you're going to stay here, you're just going to have to keep on

Lulu Laverne.

In other words, Miss Fanny, with our help, we are going to teach you how to

stripper.

Watch his right.

Hey, watch it.

I

thought

I told you to stay away.

Unexpectability concentrated with you around.

I wish we could be friends.

You have never been anything but trouble for Billy.

That was in the past.

We love each other.

Oh, now you got me all choked up.

You're forgetting that I was there last time you said, Oh, I love you, Billy.

And then you left him.

Spent every nickel he had trying to find you.

Keep your hands up, Billy.

Higher.

You let me tear down the floor.

Maybe I do.

One thing I know for sure, he's going to get a chance in a dream he's had all

his life.

To be an Olympic champion.

He's going to have that chance tomorrow, right here on Fantasy Island.

And I don't want anything to louse that up.

The Olympic?

What are you talking about?

The, uh...

You didn't tell him?

Tell me what?

Maybe you better ask Billy.

I'm asking you, Jake.

You say I'm messing up Billy's life.

Now, what's he doing fighting for the championship tomorrow?

Well, because he probably won't live the next month.

Billy's dying?

Don't give me the tears.

Those of us who hung around have had to live with it for a long time.

There's nothing they can do?

Well, they say if he never fought again, he might have a few years.

The point is, he is fighting.

And the odds are if Juan Enrico lands a couple of good head blows...

Billy will die tomorrow night.

But he will have had his fantasy.

He will have fought the fight that he's dreamed about for his whole life.

What's the matter, Jack?

Jenny?

Jenny!

Forget her, Billy. She's no good for you.

What'd you say to her?

Huh?

You told her, didn't you?

Look, Billy, I didn't mean to.

Well, it's sort of...

Step,

hip, step, and hip. All in the hip, sweetie.

Now, see how she moves?

It's not a walk. It's kind of a strut. Yeah.

Show her you're proud to be a woman.

Hit it, Professor!

Woo! Yes, she did!

Come on, step a little.

Throw me a line.

Hip,

step, hip, step, hip, step, hip. Strut, strut, strut, strut, strut,

strut. Hop, hop, hip, hip.

Hip, hip, hip, and hip, hip, hip.

Ready? I'm going to submit it.

Step, hip, step, hip, step, hip. There you go.

Step, hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, hip.

Go, go on, go on.

isn't it, the two?

Well, what, boss?

Well, how a young lady of gentile upbringing like Maureen Banning can

readily to the burlesque queen's art.

Right, boss.

That's fine.

You got it.

You got it.

I love it. It looks great.

Come, the two.

Okay. You gonna do it? I don't care. Go on.

That's two.

Mr. Roark, I was hoping you'd drop by.

Oh, is something wrong?

Well, you know, my fantasy is to bring my little burlesque troupe in big time.

mean, nothing raunchy, a classy little show that can play anywhere.

Yes, I know.

Well, so far it looks like I'm getting exactly no place.

Oh, I am so sorry, Mr. McCoy.

Does that mean the potential backers you've contacted are not interested?

They couldn't care less.

Every one of them says the same thing.

Burlesque is yesterday's news. You know, unless I can come up with some sort of

a promotional gimmick that'll make it look like front page today

I'm sunk.

I guess I better scratch one fantasy.

Oh, no, no, no. Let's hope your pessimism is premature.

Perhaps you'd like to see the paper.

For some reason, they seem to have vanished from this part of the island.

Come along, Dufour.

Give me.

Look,

this is Russ McCoy.

Get an ace, Jason, public relations.

Ace.

Russ.

Listen. I think I've come up with an idea, an angle, to make my little burly

show the hottest ticket in town.

Now, look.

After I leave this story on, I want you to do me a favor. I want you to get me M

.V. Banning's phone number.

That's good.

Right, right, right.

That's the millionaire with the missing daughter.

Right. There you go.

I was going to wait.

Well, then I guess I saved you some time.

I'm glad. I wouldn't want to interfere with your training.

Jenny.

What are you packing?

I'm leaving on the plane tomorrow.

Before the fight?

I was always lousy at work.

I'm sorry, Jenny. I didn't know how to tell you.

Get out of here, Billy.

Hey, Jenny, please.

Please.

I love you.

Don't ever say that.

You know what's funny, Billy?

I didn't think that I could be hurt anymore.

I mean, I've had experts take their best shots at me. But I've got to tell you

something, Billy.

You're the best.

You're the champ.

It took you to turn me inside out.

Jenny, I don't even know what I've done.

You told me you loved me.

And I believed you.

For one wonderful day, you convinced me my life had some purpose.

But it does.

Does it?

Then why are you throwing your life away?

Oh, wait a minute. Jenny, ever since I was eight years old, I've wanted this

fight. What, do you expect me to give it up now?

I'm not asking you to give up anything.

I hope you have your fight and win it, Billy.

I hope you win it big.

You gotta do what's best for you.

That's what this world is all about.

What do you want me to do, Billy?

To do with you?

I made my living most of the time.

And I was good at it.

I was real good.

But we wouldn't want to break training, would we?

Um, just a minute.

Roth, is that you?

Daddy, how did you find me?

It wasn't hard.

You're all over the newspapers and local television.

It seems the world's very interested in the prospect of seeing a millionaire's

daughter doing a striptease in public.

The only people who knew were Sheila and Betty, and they said they'd never...

I guess they did.

You don't propose to go through with this exhibition, now do you?

It's my life, isn't it?

And the price of leading it is the loss of your money.

Well, I forfeit that when I marry Barnaby anyway, don't I?

No.

Look, you've got a lot of spunk and I admire you for it.

But don't waste it on garbage.

Come on home, let's talk about this sensibly.

I am going to marry Barnaby.

And unless I have your good wishes, I'm going to go out there on that stage and

give them a vision of M .V. Banning's daughter they'll never forget.

You're bluffing.

Try me.

Don't you defy me, young lady.

You're not so old I can't take you over my knee and spank you if I have to.

Yes, I am.

Get her clothed, Peavy. We're leaving.

No, don't.

Hey!

Nobody touches my star.

Now, you and your stooge can leave, Mr. Banning. Quiet or not so quiet, you make

the pick.

What goes with you, McCoy?

You were the one who told me where Maureen was.

Look, I don't plan to reward a man who gives me a hard time.

We're not leaving.

We'll be in the audience.

Come on, Petey.

You told my father where to find me?

I had to do something to get up some interest in the show.

All the kids in the company needed a hit.

I didn't want to let them down.

I hated myself for doing it, Maureen.

You'll probably hate me too.

If you do decide you want to stay, this is for you.

What is?

I guess you could say it's the last three grand I had in the world.

I had it made for you as soon as I got your measurements.

Look, your life is your own.

Nobody can take that away from you.

If you want to cut out right now and go find that guy that you're hung up on,

it's all right with me.

I won't try to stop you. And neither will anyone else.

I promise you that much.

Like I said, you're okay.

Miss Banning, you must have butterflies in your stomach on opening night, huh?

Oh, Mr. Rourke, my father's here and everybody knows who I am.

Russ told them.

Oh, really?

Well, I am sorry to add to your distress, but it seems your friend,

Jeffers, finally arrived.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes. He's sitting out there in the audience waiting for your performance.

Right there, next to the tomb.

Well, it appears all your choices are before you now, aren't they?

What choices?

Well, you may renounce your inheritance and claim Barnaby, or you may go home

with your father and forget your poet, or... Or what?

You are a clever and intelligent woman, Miss Barney.

If there is another alternative, I'm sure you'll think of it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you'll all stick around for the performance after

you hear what I've got to say.

I know most of you came here tonight expecting to see Maureen Banning, the

millionaire heiress, in a striptease.

And that's exactly what they're going to get.

Well, let's just say I owe you one.

And them, too.

Well... Okay, then.

And now, direct from the front page to this stage, the alluring, the divine,

lovely, Miss Maureen Boom Boom Banning. Boom Boom?

Thank you, Professor.

I don't know what they're applauding about.

She ain't taking nothing off. Because the way she ain't taking nothing off is

alluring and in such good taste, in other words. In other words, I got me a

class act. And you did it, Mr. Root. You did it.

Way to go, Boom Boom, baby. Don't take a thing off.

even flatten you with one good hard look.

How do they feel?

Great.

I'll tear him apart, don't worry. That's the way to talk. Let's go, boy, let's

go.

Jenny, I thought you were on the plane.

I changed my mind.

I just want to be with you.

It doesn't matter how long a lifetime is, whether it's...

A few hours or three years.

Just as long as you're with the person that you love.

And I love you.

Give it your best shot, champ.

To the center of the ring for instruction, fellas.

This is an unofficial title bout for the Olympic Championship of the World. Now,

fellas, you know the rules. I want a good, clean match, okay? I want you to

shake hands, go to your corners, and when you hear the bell, come out

okay?

This is what you wanted all your life, boy.

It's time to fight.

You're the champ, Enrico.

give it a try for a couple of years

Don't tell me she's giving up. She's going back to her father.

Oh, no, no, my friend. Miss Banning has come along to say goodbye to her father

and to her former light of love.

Sweet lips.

Let's put our luggage on the plane, Barnaby. Yes, Mr. Banning.

Goodbye, Maureen.

Goodbye, Barnaby.

Barnaby seems quite pleased with his new job, Mr. Banning. Yes, I think he'll

turn out to be a pretty fair jingle writer for my soap company.

What are you going to do, Miss Banning?

Well, I don't know yet, but I'm going to have a lot of help working it out.

I'm going to be part of a team, but not on stage.

You know, I've got a feeling that if anybody can shape up my daughter and

her happy, it's this young man.

You take good care of her, McCoy.

And when you want to bring that show of yours into Broadway, I'm your angel.

Goodbye. Goodbye, darling.

Bye, Daddy.

Goodbye, Mr. Roark. Goodbye, Billy.

Goodbye, Tattoo. Goodbye.

I want to thank you both for being in my corner.

You gave up one fantasy, but perhaps you gained a better one.

Well, I know now there's more in life than fame and medals and money.

There's caring and there's loving.

But to do either of those, you've got to live first.

Great advances can be made in medicine in three or four years.

Thank you, Tattoo.

Mr. Rourke, thank you for helping me understand.

Okay, thanks.

Boss,

I was just thinking.

What a match we made.

Ah, but what a match we made.