Original subtitles

Ah, good morning, the two.

Good morning, boss.

What's that?

Oh, it's a mini -computer. My cousin Hugo sent it to me.

Oh, and how does the computer work?

Oh, it's me, boss. He forgot to send the instruction.

But I'm sure it's very good.

Computer can save a lot of guesswork.

So can bikinis.

Shall we go and meet our guests?

Smile, everyone, smile.

What? Where are those gorgeous ladies?

Miss Ginny Winthrop, Miss Amber Ainsley,

and Miss Claudia Ames.

What's their fantasy?

One of danger and excitement or two. You see, those young ladies, all of them

secretaries for a major insurance company, have come in hopes of being

live an adventure like their favorite television heroines.

Charlie's Angels.

Charlie's Angels?

Yes. But my fantasy always has been to be Berkeley.

Indeed.

Perhaps this weekend a number of fantasies can come true.

Boss, you really mean that?

The four gentlemen disembarking now are all veterans of World War II, who, while

incarcerated in the German prison camp Stalag III, ran a network of escape

routes for the other prisoners.

That sounds very dangerous.

Oh, indeed it was.

Their last big escape was their own.

It is said that the commandant of Stalag III never recovered from the disgrace

and mortification he suffered because of those four.

They are all very wealthy now, except Danny Ryan.

The other three affectionately call him Daring Danny, the greatest guy we ever

knew. He saved his friends' lives when they escaped from Stalag III.

Whose fantasy is this, Bob?

Mr. Ryan's.

He wants to relive the good old days of World War II again.

But there is more to it than that.

Is that what you mean, boss?

We're going to give him that tattoo and much more.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Your fantasy was to return to the village of Bougival. Well, my friends,

to Bougival.

Incredible.

I mean, just like it was in 1944.

Even the shape he feet.

Where we spent those 30 miserable nights in that dark cellar after our escape,

huh?

Tell me, Mr. Rourke, how did you do all this?

Well, it so happens that the village of Bougival was scheduled for demolition to

make way for an airport.

It was imported here stone by stone.

Far out.

I don't suppose any of the same people...

What Danny is trying to say is that Chez Fifi used to be run by a very special

lady.

Oh.

Fifi Apri.

She wouldn't still be around, would she, Mr. R?

Why not see for yourself, Mr. Ryan?

Let's go.

Phoebe! You have all come back. Phoebe, the years have hardly touched you. Oh,

it's very kind of you to say so. But you always were an outrageous flatterer.

These girls are really gorgeous.

Doesn't Phoebe always have the most gorgeous girl?

Why don't we all join them?

Why don't we?

how to say this because nothing like it has ever happened in the past.

I'm afraid I find it necessary to cancel your fantasy.

Mr. Rourke, you promised we could have an adventure like Charlie's Angels.

Yes, I know.

What happened that's so all -fired tragic, Mr. Rourke?

Ironically enough, a robbery.

Well over half a million dollars were stolen.

Whoever perpetrated this crime plays for high stakes and could be extremely

dangerous. But, Mr. Rourke, that is our fantasy.

You promised us we could handle a caper. Yes, but I had something else in mind

for you, ladies. Something far less perilous. Now, I simply cannot place

of my guests in jeopardy. I can't.

Mr. Rourke, we insist.

Sorry, it's out of the question.

Unless... Unless what?

Unless my assistant, the two here, were willing to work with you, with him at

your side, I wouldn't be unduly concerned about your safety.

Don't worry, boss.

I will let nothing happen to them. Nothing.

It is agreed, then.

I suggest that you ladies adopt adequate covers before you're introduced to

Lizzie Clark.

who is using our facilities here as headquarters for her sensitivity

program.

And please, do be careful in the meantime.

Won't you?

Hi. Give me a kiss.

Liz, this is Amber.

Claudia and Jeannie. How do you do? Mr. Rourke phoned me. You're coming, I hope,

to help out.

Oh, yeah. But you're going to take a run at it.

According to Mr. Rourke, you're keeping the robbery a secret.

As long as I can get away with it. One word leaks out and my business could be

ruined. Maybe we can find the missing loot before that happens.

Any suspects?

Whoever did it is still here. There were no checkouts since last night.

The stolen half -million -dollar brooch belongs to the one...

Her husband is called the boy wonder of real estate.

Any questions?

No. Got it. All right. Well, here's a schedule of the classes and the meal.

It'll tell the time.

You'll love it.

Sounds like fun. It will be. You won't regret it.

See,

this is one of the reasons for the reunions.

It's a can't -miss proposition.

The four of us put up the cash, we all go in together.

Hey, there's me, darling.

Think about what I say. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah, he... I thought I'd get

over it.

Everything exactly as it was in 1944.

Even Danny was trying to cook up a deal.

And he still owes us from the last...

If everything were the same, we'd probably be hearing the clang -clang of

any day now.

Any day now.

That sounds like a tank, all right.

Hey, Dan!

This is a terrific fantasy you've dreamed up, but how much farther does it

Surely you did not work to recreate World War II, old boy.

Do not move.

Von Stern.

Colonel Hurst Von Stern.

Commandant of Stalag 3.

I think you remember me well.

We remember you all right, but the war's over, old boy.

Your side lost.

Von Stern forgets those minor details.

But what I do remember very well is the humiliation that I suffered at your

hands.

Danny, what the hell is this? You think commandants have no fantasy?

This is mine.

You are my prisoners.

This is ridiculous.

And it's gone far enough.

Take them away.

What's that?

At the computer.

Very complicated.

You know, life is very complicated.

That's why I came here. To uncomplicate my life.

So, you're a freelance magazine writer.

Yes, ma 'am. I'm doing a piece on Miss Clark's sensitivity training technique.

Oh. So that's why you ask so many questions.

Being a photographer's model is like anything else. It's got its good and its

bad points, but it's a good living.

So does interior design.

But I get so bored.

What about you, Mr. Matthews? What do you do for a living?

I sell ice boxes to Eskimos. Anything else?

Yes.

Why so hostile?

Because I don't enjoy being grilled like some penny ante crook.

Well, I wonder what Charlie's Angels would be doing right about now.

Unless I miss my guest, they'd be checking out the mysterious Joe Matthews

carefully. Starting out with the bungalow, right?

I'm all for deja vu, but this is a touch more than I ever counted on.

I don't believe this.

Silence!

Talk is important!

As you can see, there are four graves.

But there are one, two, three, four of you.

Looks ugly.

He always was psycho.

This time, there will be no attempt at escape from Stalag 3.

Do I make myself clear?

Jawohl, Colonel.

Jawohl. There will be no more escape attempts from Skylark 3.

Take those prisoners to the barracks.

Jawohl, Commander.

You came here for sensitivity training, so that's what you get.

Now we're going to start out by experiencing human contact in its most

form. I just love doing this.

Do you love doing this?

If you do, I do.

All right, now that we're all comfortable, we're going to take turns

each other.

You heard me, touching.

Reach across and touch your partner's hand.

Okay. Now touch and feel.

Touch and feel.

Excuse me.

Are you sure this is Joe Matthews' bungalow? Positive.

There's nothing in here.

Okay.

If I cracked a safe, where would I dash the loot?

Remember that Charlie's Angels episode where Sabrina got involved with a pole

vaulter? Oh, yeah, where he stole a necklace and hid it in the fridge?

Right.

I got a better idea.

Come on, baby.

These had to come from Lizzie's safe. This one belongs to Dick Stanton.

Still got the cash in them.

Chicken feed.

I want to know where the valuable items are.

Like the half a million dollar brooch.

Hey Amber, what's that?

I've seen one of these before, my police science class.

It's an M206 super cam scanning device.

What do you do with it?

It's the most sophisticated device going for opening safes.

It takes an electronic genius to know how to work this thing.

All right, ladies, turn around and face this way.

Come on, get back in the room.

Put that down.

Put it down. Go on, get back.

Who wants to explain what's going on?

Nobody.

Like I said, what's going on here now?

We just discovered where you stashed part of the loot after ripping off Liz

Clark's safe.

Are you saying somebody knocked off Liz's safe?

Because if you are, I'm in a lot of trouble.

You better believe you're in trouble.

Safe, Craig.

That used to be my racket, but I'm retired now.

Any particular reason why we should believe you?

Yeah.

Yeah, because this whole thing is too pat.

Like my trip to this island.

I didn't pay for it.

It was an all -expense -paid vacation sent to me by Anonymous.

Now, I'm betting it's that same Anonymous that busted Liz's safe, framed

all this junk, and then took off with a heavy stop.

Reasonable? It won't wash, Matthews.

God is my witness.

Stop name -dropping.

All right, nobody gets crazy here.

And nobody leaves this cabin for five minutes, all right?

Got it? Five minutes.

Well,

we certainly handled that suspect.

Yeah, we better check in with Bodley.

You mean tattoo.

I don't think Mr. Matthews cracked the safe.

What makes you say that?

According to his police record, he's more a powder and real man.

I could find any scratch on the face.

But like I told you, we found the M206 scanner that he used to open it.

Criminals rarely change their MOs, that's a fact.

Charlie's always telling that to the angels.

If Matthews is telling the truth about not being guilty, somebody could have

planted that M206 as evidence to frame him.

Or Matthews could have an accomplice, someone who was an expert in

That's a possibility.

I better call Charlie. I mean, Mr. Rock.

What do you suppose Von Stern wants us for?

Well, who knows? Revenge?

We sure made a clutch out of him in 1944.

Danny's right.

Up until then, he was a high muckety -muck with the Nazis.

Yeah. In charge of official looting in the area.

Paintings, gold, jewelry.

Anything they could get their crummy hands on. I remember reading somewhere

he and a bunch of other ex -war criminals were living in South America,

to raise funds for a fourth Reich.

Lieutenant. Adbert.

Hodges.

Mr. Hodges. If you don't mind.

It's one thing for Franz Stern to be barmy, but how did he persuade those

men to come with him?

Maybe he promised them that this time around they'd win the war.

Sink of 1944.

Are you the one who crept into my room while I slept and stole my symbol of

authority?

I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about.

A lighting club, similar to this one.

Who'd want to steal that?

You and your men dug tunnels, some to the south and some to the north. And

we waited for hours patiently for the prisoners to crawl out, they escaped to

the east.

Deception?

We were deceived and they escaped.

Mr. Garner, what kind of deception was used when you stole my riding crop?

And where is it now? I'm warning you, I'm at the end of my patience.

Either you return my riding crop or your life is at an end.

I've been telling you for two hours. I don't know anything about your stupid

riding crop.

So, you refuse to tell me.

Don't you understand you will all die?

Come on, Dad. Why don't you take two aspirin and call me in the morning?

Captain Ryan, either you will talk or the four of you will occupy the four

graves.

And that is a promise.

Oh, Mr. Rourke.

Sainsley?

Why are you here?

Is there a problem? Is something wrong?

Good evening, ladies.

Good evening.

Tattoo?

In answer to your question, Miss Sainsley, I have come here out of

your safety.

Yes, yes.

You see, Tattoo phoned me about your encounter with Mr. Matthews.

Fighting for a gun?

One or more of you could have been killed.

I thought we handled ourselves pretty well.

I'm sorry. I'm afraid it is as I said in the beginning.

This fantasy is too dangerous for neophytes. Now, for your own safety, I

strongly urge that you give up this investigation.

I'm sorry, Mr. Rourke. We can't quit now.

Amber's right.

We're committed. And so are you, Mr. Rourke. You said this with our caper.

it is.

And we're going all the way.

I see.

This is your final decision?

Final and irrevocable.

The two?

I speak with them both.

I'll hit that.

Je suis occupée.

Danny!

Monsieur!

I thought you were a prisoner.

When was I ever a prisoner? Any place, any time. For very long.

During those days, when you let us hide in your cellar, I gave you something to

keep for me.

There was so much going on in those days.

A riding crop.

The Commandant's Black Riding Crop. You remember, don't you?

No.

I used to parade up and down with it, remember?

I may really remember now.

I was still afraid of the Germans.

So I hid it in the cellar. The cellar?

But wait.

If Mr. Roque had the whole village moved, stone by stone, building by

Everything practically intact.

He could still be there in the cellar.

Anyway, there's a chance.

Huh?

What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you?

If you want to live, you will remain quiet and do as the gentleman says.

Well. Ah.

Voila.

Oh.

Hey, this is it.

This is it. This is it.

Ah.

Here we go.

Look at them, Fifi.

Diamonds.

Look at the size of those diamonds. Oh, la, la, la, la.

Oh, la, la, la, la.

This is what Munster risks his life to come back for.

Blows my mind.

A two -bit riding crop with a fortune hidden inside.

And it's all ours.

All we'll ever need forever, baby.

Come on, let's get out of here while it's still dark before they miss him.

You mean back to Stalag 3?

Are you kidding? Back to the States.

But what about Fox and Garner Hodges?

I will send help for them when we get back to Rourke.

Oh, Danny.

You would not desert your comrades?

I'm not deserting them, baby.

What could I do if I went back? I'd never get out again.

This way there's a chance to get the others out, even by their freedom.

But von Stern is crazy.

When he finds out you're gone, he...

He might kill them.

Nah, Juan Stern, you'll hold him for hostages to bargain with.

But you can't be sure of that, can you?

Look, Fifi, if I go back, I lose everything.

My one big break.

I'm 54 years old. I haven't got two nickels to rub together.

Why do you think I came on this fantasy?

I was hoping to raise money from him for a deal.

Those guys, I mean, they live high on the hog.

Fat cats.

Me, this is my one chance.

But they're your friends.

They rely on you.

They've got no right to.

I couldn't get us all out.

But you can.

You'll find a way.

Only you can.

Why do you think they came with you on your fantasy?

I don't know. To get away from the rat race for a few days. Whatever.

No, Danny.

They came because of you. Me?

You are a vanishing breed, Danny Ryan.

You are what every man dreams of being.

You are a hero.

I've been looking for you. Come. We have to talk.

Oh.

Oh. What's going on, Lizzie?

Doomsday. Mr. and Mrs. Stanton have decided to throw a party for all the

tonight.

Formal.

So? So they'll all want their valuables from my safe to wear to the party.

Right. And you can't produce them.

Trust us.

Right, girls?

Right. Trust us.

Why should she trust us?

Because... Because we're going to return every missing item from your safe no

later than 5 p .m. today.

Oh, thanks, kids.

Thanks a million.

Half a million.

How are we going to do that?

I don't have a clue.

Oh. But let's worry about it over breakfast.

I'm starved.

Great.

Hello. Table for four, please.

Yoo -hoo.

Thank you very much.

We've made some seats for you. Won't you join us? Good morning.

I understand that you are throwing a party tonight.

Yes, I do hope you can all come.

No reason why we can't.

I had to talk Dick into it.

He doesn't understand a woman's need to get all dolled up.

If I had a brooch like yours, I'd go formal all the time.

Oh, you've seen my brooch.

Uh, no, no, uh, word of mouth.

It's a stupid machine.

I'm saying that's a real beauty. You mind if I have a look at it?

No, that's okay, but I warn you, it's very complex.

What are you doing?

Oh, just a simple calculus problem.

He does calculus?

Calculus, algebra, geometry, trig.

It's a great little machine.

Ah, I see you've got the random axis memory.

Full floating decimal.

Redundant recording scheme.

Geometric recall and the solution in a lace.

You do understand all this, don't you?

Oh, yes, of course.

You seem to be very comfortable with that computer, Mrs. Sam.

Well, he should be. It's got two degrees in electronics.

Well,

I was with the space program until it dried up.

That's why I went into real estate.

Interesting.

Very interesting.

Merry Christmas.

Santa Claus has arrived.

Where in blazes have you been? Look at the outfit.

In town. And this is what it was all about.

Von Stern's riding crop.

The little Slav symbol of authority.

And it is filled with the biggest diamonds you have ever seen.

Look at these.

Diamonds, of course.

High muckety -muck in charge of looting.

Stashes away a fortune for himself.

If we give it to him, maybe he'll drop the whole thing.

Oh, you've got to be kidding, friend.

We give him this, it'll just make it time to fill those four graves.

Yeah, we've got to do something before Von Stern starts his inquisition again.

Yes. Well, during my travels, I inspected that tank up there.

The one with the cannon?

And the machine gun.

Bust out of here in broad daylight. It's suicide.

It's suicide to stay here.

Besides, I want to see one Stern's face when we bust out on him a second time.

Don't you see it all fit? He's an electronics expert.

Ginny, where could it be?

Amber, maybe we're wrong.

Just because Stanton has degrees in electronics.

Even if they did steal their own brooch for whatever reason, why would they

throw a formal party when the brooch is bound to be discovered missing?

Ginny, don't you see the party makes everything fit? When the safe is open in

front of witnesses and the brooch is gone, they'll have an ironclad claim for

the insurance money.

Now, I just know that that brooch is in here somewhere.

What we're going to do next is get in touch with our animal instinct.

Now, once you've made contact, start to become that animal.

Just let go of all your inhibitions.

Just concentrate.

Feel it.

That's it.

That's it. Now you're starting to do it. Now you're starting to feel it. That's

marvelous.

They'll be opening the safe in about five minutes.

I've got to be there to pick up your brush.

What's on fire?

Your vengano.

What?

I hope these smoke bombs fool Stanton. I think he's coming.

He's coming, all right.

Oh, please, make it work.

Joyce!

Get out of here!

Go!

Let them soak for a while.

Yeah, diamonds don't rust, do they?

I don't think so.

Well, Tattoo, how did we do?

Very well. Just like Angela.

Thanks.

Well, we got a dollar more than we bargained for.

Thank you so much.

Goodbye,

Mitchell. Goodbye, Fox.

Thank you.

Well. I, uh, I sincerely regret you cannot keep the diamonds, but they are

returned to the Milraux family from whom they were looted.

No sorrier than I am.

Perhaps there is something to cheer you up.

The Milraux family has asked me to give you this in appreciation.

A hundred thousand dollar finder's fee.

A hundred... Hey.

Hey, they're okay folks.

That's exactly what I needed for my meal.

Plus beefy.

You know, this is one fantasy that's been really fulfilled.

Tell me, Monsieur Roth, what ever happened to von Stern?

Well, the colonel may have come to my island unannounced, but I assure you

that's not the way he's leaving.

No, he is being returned to Germany, where he will face trial.

All right.

Thanks again.

You're very welcome, Mr. Ryan.

Goodbye.

See you.

Hello, Mr. Ward. And here are our three angels.

Well,

how did you enjoy your fantasy?

More than we ever expected, Mr. Ward. Oh, I'm delighted.

Yes, there for a while it looked as if these angels were about to get their

wings singed.

But the important thing is we accomplished what we set out to do.

Yes.

And the question is, what now, ladies?

Well, we thought about applying for police cadet training to become real

officers. Oh, and?

No way. We're going back to being secretaries. All the gorgeous clothes

angels wear and the glamorous places they go, that's on television, I guess.

I guess.

You see, the last time I talked to the angels, their fantasy was to be

secretaries.

Well... Well, it was nice meeting you, Mr. Rourke. Thank you very much. Nice

working with you, darling.

Lovely. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day.

Bye.

Yes?

Did you really speak to the angels?

Oh, all the time, Tattoo. All the time.

Oh, but tell me, how did your fantasy go?

Not very good, boss. And why not, pray tell?

Well, no time.

All that touching and feeling.

I was just getting the hang of it.

Tattoo, you were supposed to be playing detective.

Well, that brings another problem.

What's that?

When I was playing detective.

They stole my computer.

Sorry, Beth.