Original subtitles

Good morning, Bob.

Good morning, Tattoo. Well, you seem to be in exceptionally good spirits this

morning. Why not? I'm going to become a millionaire very soon.

Again? And what marvelous money -making idea have you come up with this time?

Oh, this time, it's a winner.

I've become an inventor.

See? Indeed.

What is it?

Oh, it's a sleeping bag.

Looks awfully small for a sleeping bag.

Oh, it's big enough to hold two people of your size.

In such a small object as this?

Uh -huh.

What's this string?

Oh, you just pull the string, and the bag will unfold, and then you're ready

a nice cozy evening.

Really?

Why don't you try it?

All right.

Inventor, indeed.

Well, back to the drawing board.

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

Mr.

Charlie Parks of Spokane, Washington.

Hmm. A real old -timer.

Who is he?

A runaway.

Runaway? At his age?

From what?

Not what.

Whom?

Mr. Parks is running away from his children.

You see, they want to place him in a retirement home.

And his fantasy is not to get caught.

His fantasy, my friend, is to become a success in vaudeville.

Vaudeville? He's been there for years.

That's true, but Mr. Parks is convinced that he and his former partner can

breathe new life into it.

Partners? You mean there is two people who still believe that vaudeville can be

brought back?

His partner is Will Fields. The two of them haven't seen each other in 35

when they last appeared on stage as Parks and Fields.

Oh, boss, you're backing a real loser this time.

Boss, that young lady, she seems almost afraid to leave the plane.

Perhaps she's afraid of finding that her most cherished memory was nothing more

than a fantasy.

That's pretty confusing.

The young lady is Dorothy Weller. She's a secretary.

Two years ago, she visited Guadalupe and fell in love with the man of her

dreams. They enjoyed a glorious three -day romance.

Only three days?

Why so brief?

After an auto accident, Miss Weller was in a coma.

When she recovered... Her lover had disappeared, and everyone denied that

man ever existed.

Now she fears that perhaps he wasn't real, that she dreamed the romantic idol

while unconscious after the accident.

And that's why she come on Fantasy Island?

To find out once and for all whether the man she fell in love with really

existed or was merely a beautiful dream.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Like I said in my letter, I advertised in the Hollywood Reporter, the Daily

Variety, every trade paper around, but I could not find my partner.

Where did you locate him, Mr. Rock?

Jersey City, New Jersey.

How do you like that?

He's on one coast, I'm on the other coast.

How is he?

For a young man of 67, he's in very fine condition, Mr. Parks.

God love him. Will is such a ham. He belongs between two slices of bread.

Well, when can I see the old geezer?

Right now. Just step inside.

You mean he's in here? Yes. Come on.

Oh, I see the look of disappointment on your face, Mr. Fields.

Were you expecting someone else? Your ex -partner, perhaps?

Well... Actually, yes.

Charlie!

Charlie,

do you think cranberries are healthy?

They must be. I have never heard one complain.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, how do you feel?

How do I look?

How'd you get hurt?

Tattoo, do you get the feeling that we are somewhat unnecessary?

We are going to be terrific, Charlie. I'm talking about terrific.

Charlie, you're making me live again. How about a drink? You want a little

touch? Well, I don't need a touch. I'm floating just being with you. Sit down.

Mr. Rock said he found you in Jersey City.

What happened?

Did you get lost?

No, no, no. Come on.

I like Jersey City. I've been living there 10 years. How about you?

3 ,000 miles away.

Walla Walla.

Walla Walla, Washington, huh? What'd you do, snatch a pocketbook?

Come on, it's my home.

Let me ask you, did you ever get married?

No, no, no. I still got my bachelor's degree.

How about you?

She passed away some three years ago.

Oh, I'm sorry, Charlie. Come on, Will. Well,

it's okay. I've got two great kids. Boy and a girl all grown up and out on their

own. Good boy. That's terrific. Hey, I see you've been going over the old

routines. I'm not going over the old routines. They're beautiful, man. You

some jewels in there. You got some boffs. Not only that, it's got class,

Charlie. class. That's what they want today, class and fun.

Boy, hearing that from you makes me feel like somebody.

I've been polishing up that sub for the last four years. Think you can handle

success like you did in the old days, Will? Can't wait to get on those boards,

Charlie.

Let me ask you something.

You think we got a chance?

Sure we do.

Let's get on with the rehearsal.

Let's move in. Now, look, I think we... What kind of clothes do I wear? I want

better... Loud!

Loud!

Where are we going, Mr. Roark?

You will see, presently.

Could you answer one question?

Does Tom exist, or did I just imagine him?

I'm afraid you'll have to discover that for yourself.

But, my fantasy, you promised me that... That you would know the truth.

And you will, Miss Weller.

Before your stay ends.

At least you can tell me where we're going.

To a certain small village.

In many respects, it resembles a place in Guadalupe, where you believe

you met Mr. Parnello.

balloons and banner.

The villagers are preparing for the fiesta de la primavera.

This more than resembles the place, Mr. Rourke. It's almost a carbon copy.

Really? Uh -huh.

You will be staying here.

As you can see, you are expected.

Well, what now?

I'm afraid circumstances must steer their own course.

Oh, that's not mine.

Oh, yes.

Yes, it is. It's your costume.

Costume? For what?

That too.

You hear it too, don't you?

Yes. We used to sit in a little cafe and listen to it. I thought that I had

imagined it.

If the song is real, then maybe... Excuse me, Mr. Roark.

Si, senorita.

That song.

What's it called?

Oh, it is nothing important. Just a little carnival song. But tonight, we

having a village carnival.

I see.

I think I remember.

Do you know a wine called Cuervas de Campinguez?

Oh, very well. I would offer you a glass, but unfortunately, a gentleman

there just ordered the very last bottle.

But I have a very fine Madeira. I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

Turkish cigarettes.

So I didn't imagine that either.

Did you see which way he went?

I don't know, senorita, but perhaps he went out this way.

Yes, miss?

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were somebody...

I'm sorry.

Yes, come in.

I did it, Mr. Rorick. I did it. I shot down the Red Baron.

Oh, that's wonderful, Mr. Smith.

Ace. Oh, I'm so happy for you. I'll be the envy of the Sopwith Cattle Society

when I tell them about it.

Oh, what a fight he put up.

I came at him. Out of the sun.

My twin Vicar 303s stitching his wings.

Right at his neck. Right at his neck. Right at his neck.

He was a gallant gentleman.

We saluted each other as he went down in flames.

Borgest, Mr.

Ace.

Borgest.

Oh, Mr.

Rorick, is there an optometrist on the island?

Of course, Mr. Smith. But what's wrong?

Well, I'm afraid I need new glasses.

From some angles, his Fokker triplane actually looked like a miniature.

The wings seemed hardly eight feet long.

Oh, I'm sure that was just the excitement of the moment.

Oh, yes.

Well, thank you, Mr. Rorick.

Thank you for everything.

Off we go into the wild.

Promise me.

Promise me that you're not going to sell any more Red Baron fantasy.

But, Tattoo, you know it's one of our most popular requests.

Yes, but this is the third time I get shot down in flame this week, you know.

can't take it anymore.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, this time we present the Inquiring Reporter Program.

Now, my job is to interview people, you know, as they pass through.

So if I could secure the services of a young man... Hold it!

My friend, you're asking for a young man? You're in the wrong room.

You can't live long enough to look that bad.

Guide of the March of Time, this is his brother.

Waste of time. Did you get it?

Not bad. Look at that face. I want you to get a look at that kisser. Got more

chins than a Chinese phone book.

You could stand him in the garden and the crows would bring back stuff they

stole eight months ago. Tell me something. What do you do for a living?

I work in a Venetian blind factory.

Pretty good. Tell me something. How do you make a Venetian blind? Well, that's

easy. You poke him in the eyes. How about that one?

You know, you think you're pretty smart, huh? I should be.

I was born twins.

Born twins? How does that make you so smart?

Well, two heads are better than one. You get it? Two heads are better than one.

Do you have any difficulty with your brother?

I'll say everything he did, I got the blame for it. Well, that I don't

understand. Let me explain. When we were kids and played baseball, if he broke a

window, I got the blame for it. Well, that's because you looked alike.

Yes! What else?

Later on in life, I met a beautiful girl.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

What do you think happened?

That rat married her. Well, that's the end, buddy. You can't... I mean, that's

awful. Oh, hold it, hold it. I got even with him.

How could you possibly get even with him?

Well, last week I died.

And they buried him. And they buried him.

Bravo. You're both going to kill them. I was wrong. Did you like that?

You liked it, huh, Tattoo?

Partner, it's like we've never been away.

Wait,

come back.

The beach boathouse?

Alone.

It's really you.

Oh, my darling.

You're real.

You're real.

Darling, maybe you think I haven't acted like it, but I do love you.

I love you very much.

I thought about you every day for the past three years.

Somehow I feel that everything's going to be all right now.

Everything.

Mr. Parks, how nice to see you. Come in.

Have a seat, won't you?

I'll stand.

Thank you.

On the phone, you said you had a bone to pick with me.

We want to know how much you're charging our father for this ridiculous scheme

of his for bringing back Vaudeville.

I'm afraid the prices my guests pay are confidential.

But let me understand.

Are you suggesting that I am somehow swindling your father, Mr. Parks?

You tell me.

Vaudeville's dead and buried.

Oh, your father prefers to think of it as a sleeping giant, one he hopes to

awaken. With all due respects, our father is 66 years old. He belongs in a

retirement home, not on a tropical island with some idiotic fantasy.

Indeed. Unfortunately, your father doesn't think so. Oh, come on now, Mr.

You know and I know that old people do not always do what's best for

And people of your age, too.

When can we see our father, Mr. Rohr?

I'll arrange a meeting.

Is there anything else?

The two of us?

Have a nice day.

Okay, gracias.

Buenos dias, huh?

Remember how to do this? Well, I'm a little out of practice.

Try it. Really good.

It's delicious.

You know, when I came to at the hospital, after the crash, I looked

but nobody could tell me anything.

They didn't even remember you.

I thought I was losing my mind.

Well, that's the way it had to be.

It wasn't an accident.

We were both supposed to be killed.

But...

I never lied to you because you never asked me what I did.

I've been a spy, professional spy, for ten years.

A spy?

I was going to quit when we first met each other.

But I made too many enemies.

And they followed me to Guadalupe.

I knew you'd be safe if I left.

That's the reason for the little boy in the message.

And why we can't meet in the village.

I had to be absolutely sure we were safe.

And is it now?

Mm -hmm.

We'll never lose each other ever again.

That's my new invention.

I got a patent rights from my cousin, Hugo.

Your cousin, Hugo?

That tool, will you never learn?

Oh, no, boss, but this is fantastic.

It's a new lighter that works on water.

Water?

No butane gas?

No lighter fluid?

Only water.

It's a real energy saver. Let me show you how it works.

Wait a minute.

That's it.

Tattoo, I must admit I was wrong about your cousin Hugo.

You are going to make millions of dollars from a lighter like that.

But, boss, how can I?

This thing don't even work.

Simple. You merely sell it to people who want to quit smoking.

Can I move in with you?

No.

I've got a better idea.

Why don't... Why don't I move in with you?

Okay.

Whatever you want.

Mr. Rourke has left me a beautiful costume for the festival.

So let's dress up, have fun, and then come home. I'll go back to my hotel and

get my stuff. I'll see you in a little while. Okay. All right.

Bye -bye.

So long.

The guy sitting on the lower porch is furious.

The water keeps dripping down. He yells up, hey, that water's dripping down

here. That's my wife sitting here.

And the other guy yells down, what do you think I got up here, a dunk?

That's my kids.

Let me get out of here. Why not stay and straighten matters out? Just a minute.

Hold it. You set this whole thing up in here.

Aren't you going to ask us to join you, Dad? You promised me my shot.

So I did, Mr. Fox.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

You might as well sit down.

Do me a favor, though.

Save the lectures, huh?

Dad, we want you to call this whole thing off and come home with us. I

I'm committed $20 ,000 worth.

Dad, that's your life savings. Look at one silly fantasy. It'd be so expensive.

And it all adds up fast.

Mr. Rock had to locate Will. Fly him in. He's also flying in.

Critics, bookers, agents.

Customs, music, theater rentals.

I figure I got off cheap.

How can I make you two understand? I have to go through with this.

You have to? What does that mean, Dad?

What are you two doing to me? I'm your father.

I'm the guy that raised you, wiped your nose, changed your diapers.

Doesn't that count for anything?

Dad.

Don't you see everybody's got a right to their dream?

Everybody's got a right to take a shot at the big time.

I never realized that 35 years ago.

Dad, you're 66 years old.

What does that mean?

Supposed to roll over and play dead?

66 is the number. It's how you feel inside that counts.

Adam, Doris, please.

Don't dump me in that old folks' home.

That's nothing but a dying room.

Stop talking like that.

And stop giving me a reason to talk like that.

Dad, give this up. Come home with us. Listen to her. She's right. She's not

right. Neither one of you is right.

When that curtain goes up tonight, parks and fields are going to be there.

Center stage.

Dad, I'll make room. Come live with me. No, no, no. It's my responsibility.

You can move in with Jim and me. I'll fix up the utility room.

Thanks a lot. You mean the one off the garage?

No, thanks.

But there is something you can do for me if it isn't asked too much.

It sure would be nice to have one's own flesh and blood out front applauding for

us.

Dad, don't do this to yourself.

Boss. Boss.

You're not going to let them take their...

That is fantasy away, are you?

It's not up to me to do.

That decision belongs to their father.

You look like a troubled man.

I've been debating some things my kids said.

Maybe they're right.

I've been living out a fantasy of desperation.

Either I bring back vaudeville or I pack myself off to the old folks' home.

Well, vaudeville isn't coming back.

It's dead and buried.

And I'm not so sure I wouldn't be better off the same way.

You're just scared.

Sure, I'm scared.

You ever try standing up on that stage with the whole audience looking right at

you? I've got a better one for you.

I've been a midget, and I've always looked down on you.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, and I don't even want to get out of bed.

But you can live your life in hiding.

Mr. Parks, you've been waiting 35 years for this chance.

Don't chicken out now.

Come on.

You're going to kill them tonight.

Thanks, Tattoo.

You're welcome.

You're a good man.

See? Miss Willow, please.

Well, she's not anything, huh?

But the lady asked where she could find a seamstress to fit a costume.

I'd like to leave a message for her. And make damn sure you get it right.

What is the message?

Who is this?

I think you know, Tom.

No running this time, understand?

I'll be very close to the lady.

Make sure you meet her at the carnival by midnight, or I'll kill her.

That's the choice.

Her or you.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, park and field.

I wrote you a letter last month. Why didn't you answer it? I never received

You never received it? No, besides, I didn't like some of the things you said

it.

Hey,

I think I've seen your face before.

How odd.

It certainly is.

Say, do you know that in India, the Mohammedans, they pray in the street?

That's nothing.

In Los Angeles, pedestrians do the same thing.

Give me a quote from the Bible.

From the Bible.

Judas went out and hanged himself.

Yeah, give me another one.

Go now and do likewise.

We'd better keep moving.

Bay.

You could hear the voices ringing.

They seemed to say, you stole my heart.

Now don't go away.

As we sang love's old sweet song on Moonlight Bay.

We were sailing along on Moonlight Bay.

We could hear the voices singing.

They seemed to say, you stole my heart.

Now don't go away, as we sang love's old sweet song.

happened, Charles.

What went wrong?

We did.

What?

Well, you blew it.

I'm beginning to think that I've lost you all over again.

You've got to get away as fast as you can. I thought you said we'd always be

safe. No, it's wrong.

We've got to separate.

Now go that way. No! Please, run!

Go on!

I'll meet you at the boathouse tomorrow.

Now run!

Tom?

I'm sorry, Miss White.

There's nothing anyone can do for him now. He's dead.

I'm always chasing rainbows,

watching clouds drifting by.

Just like all my dreams ending

in the sky.

Some fellas look and find the sunshine.

I always look and find the rain.

Some fellas make a winning sometime.

never even make a gain.

Believe me, I'm

always chasing rain.

at the reception.

I'm sorry. I never learned how to smile through a flop.

At least they don't throw tomatoes anymore.

Don't be too hasty, Mr. Parks. Allow me to introduce Mr. Jeff Logan.

He has a business proposition for parks and fields.

Hey, he said our names.

You mean us as a team?

Of course.

Gentlemen, I head up a pilot program for the city of Baltimore.

And I believe we could use your talents.

Hold on just a minute. What's with the pilot program?

We're a little old for flight training. Am I right, Will?

They're short on astronauts and listen.

Gentlemen, we realize that the morale of the elderly is as important as good

health. They need entertainment as much as anyone.

Maybe more because, well, they have more time to enjoy it. But not everything

works for them. We gave them rock music and failed miserably.

They seem to like the tried and true.

You know what I mean?

You mean the old stuff?

Like our material. Listen to the man. Well, let's call it time -tested.

Solid. Like the audience.

You'd be entertaining at old -age homes, veterans' hospitals, senior citizen

centers, parks.

You name it. The pay's not astronomical, but it is a living.

And the benefits are great.

Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.

You actually want fields and parks to work for the city government?

Very much so.

But if you think for one solitary minute that a class act like ours is going to

accept a deal like that... Russia will be right!

Okay, partner! Okay, partner!

We'll kill him. We'll murder him wherever we go.

You've never lost a cat.

My buddy.

Thomas Parnell played a perilous role in life.

He lived dangerously, always conscious that the price of failure could mean his

own death, as indeed it was.

And now, we return his body to the earth from which we all sprang, and to which

we shall all someday return.

Amen.

Dominus Vibiscum, Dominus Vibiscum, Domini, Domini, Domini, Domini. It's my

fault that he died.

Oh, no.

Don't blame us.

But why?

The only way they found him was by following me.

time, Ms. Weller.

Why are we stopping here?

I'm told the proprietor found another bottle of Cuevas de Campanet.

I thought perhaps you might like a glass, for old time's sake.

Senores. Senorita. Buenos dias. Do I understand you found another bottle of

huevas de campanita? Oh, senor, I'm so sorry. I just sold the last bottle to

gentleman back there.

I just watched them bury you.

You saw an empty casket buried.

But I saw them shoot you.

Mr. Rock gave me this bulletproof vest, and I wore it underneath my costume.

Then you deliberately...

Led me to think that... What? Well, you were just using me.

True, Miss Weller.

To fulfill Mr. Parnell's fantasy in the only way possible.

Your fantasy?

He came here to die.

So you could both have a chance to live.

To stage the assassination and persuade the killer that he has succeeded, we

needed your honest, sincere, unsuspecting grief.

The would -be killer left the island half an hour ago. It's a dirty trick to

play on someone you love.

But it worked.

I hope you forgive me. I do.

I think it's time for Miss Willer's plan.

Your fantasy is over, Miss Willer.

Are you leaving, Tim?

Not for a long time.

I'm going to have to establish a new identity, then find another way to make

living. It may take a long time.

Then I'm staying, too.

Are you sure you want to?

Yes.

My fantasy isn't over, Mr. Rourke.

It's only just beginning.

Indeed.

Where's our plane?

It's right over there, that tri -motor. Oh, why do they call it a tri -motor?

Because if one motor don't work, they try another one.

Honey, honey. In Walla Walla.

Hey, goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. Rocker. Thanks for the fantasy.

Oh, you are most welcome, Mr. Parks. But remember that your fantasy is now

reality. Hey, Tattoo, why don't you put on high heels and ask for more money?

Is he the greatest?

Bye, kid. Bye, kid.

Boss, do you want to see my newest invention?

Do I have a choice?

This is a fly killer.

Money back guarantee.

Two blocks of wood.

How does it work?

You want me to show you how it works?

Look. This is called block A.

And this is called block B.

You understand?

Yes.

First, you've got to catch a fly.

Then you put a fly on block A.

Then you take block B and you smash it against block A.

May I offer a suggestion, my friend?

Back to the old drawing board.

First, you catch a fly.