Original subtitles

Thank you.

Good morning, boss. Good morning, Couture.

Do I dare ask what that is under your arm? They are my new sample for my new

business. I'm going to sell it to a big company and make a lot of money. Not

encyclopedias again.

Oh, no, boss.

Greeting card.

You want to see some?

Congratulations on your divorce.

Next time, look before you leap.

Read some more, boss.

Condolences on your 40th birthday. Is your insurance paid up?

Tattoo greeting cards are supposed to reflect love and sentiment.

I know that, boss.

But that's why I'm going to make a lot of money. Because mine are different.

Of that there is no doubt.

Come, let's meet our guests.

Smiles, everyone.

Smiles.

Miss Cindy Barker, a librarian from Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania.

What earth is he?

One shared by millions of women the world over, the truth.

She wants to meet the man of her dreams, fall madly in love, and get married.

But wait a minute. Isn't that the same Miss Barker who already paid us some

money for a wedding reception on Sunday?

She is indeed.

But how can she plan on a wedding reception when she don't even know her

yet? Well, precisely why Miss Barker has come to us, the two.

She says that we help her find the right man this weekend.

so she can be married to him before her invited guests arrive on Sunday.

Mr. Jordan Montgomery, a tool and dye maker from Canoga Park, California.

He looks like a nice guy.

What's his fantasy?

Ah, one of pulse, pounding excitement, thrills, even danger.

He wants to experience the glamorous elite circles of the very rich.

Much like his favorite movie characters did, like David Niven in Raffles or Cary

Grant in To Catch a Thief.

But what men were cat burglars, jewel thieves?

Precisely what Mr. Montgomery will be this weekend.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rock, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Well, Mr. Montgomery, here you are.

This is mighty rich, Mr. Rourke.

You really think I'll fit in? Of course. The guests are arriving for the annual

Fantasy Island Charity Ball tonight, and you are expected.

No kidding. Oh, yes, yes.

All what you have to do is deceive champions, watch girls, and kiss the

Yes, yes. However, first I must admonish you. In a fantasy as potentially

bizarre,

As yours, it must be understood that any item taken is only exotically borrowed.

And you are responsible for its safe return. Now, is that clear?

Of course. No problem. I mean, I could be a real burglar anywhere.

But where else could I be the dashing English jewel thief for a weekend

leading a double life or risking 20 years in prison?

That's very good.

Very good. You have an unusual understanding of a purpose we try to

Well... Enjoy yourself.

Look around.

And we'll see you again this evening.

Tattoo?

Is Mr. Rourke in? He's waiting for you, Miss Barker.

Oh, my dear Miss Barker, please come in.

You have a seat, don't you?

You know, I feel so foolish just with coming here.

Oh, Miss Barker, we're here to help you.

In fact, we've already taken certain steps to fulfill your fantasy. But your

letter didn't fully explain your present problem.

Well, it's very simple, really. I've been going with a man for three years,

18 months ago he... He finally proposed.

Oh.

But since then, he's changed the wedding date three times.

And each time, he postponed it for a different reason.

Sometimes for business, sometimes... Well, he'd always have a reason.

He'd get sick or something.

You mean he'd chicken out?

I guess so.

Mr. Work, I'm just... I'm just a normal girl, and I want what every normal girl

wants. To get married.

I know this sounds corny and old -fashioned, but I even have a hope

chest.

And before the termites take over or my beautiful linens turn yellow, I

want a husband.

By Sunday.

Can you do it?

Mr. Rowe can do anything.

Have faith.

Miss Barker, have faith. This is Fantasy Island.

Take a good look, Tattoo.

We are witnessing the exquisite mystery of mutual attractions and the results of

careful advanced planning.

Your computer matching of the gentleman was a good piece of work.

Uh -oh.

He looks mad.

Who is he? Miss Barker's former fiancée, the gentleman who so studiously avoided

marrying her.

What is he mad at? I suspect he intended to have his cake and eat it, too.

That's a little too late for that.

Cindy?

Well, what did you expect me to do after I read that Dear John letter that you

left behind?

Speaking of left behind, who left who standing in the church?

I would have explained that if you hadn't flown off on this tangent.

I was sick, honey. I was really sick.

I am tired of hearing your excuses.

I want you to listen to my point of view for a change.

I'm 28 years old, Eddie, and I'm not getting any younger.

And I want some real things in my life.

I know that.

I just explained how none of that's my fault.

Well, in case there is still any doubt, let me tell you how I felt.

Humiliated and degraded and a fool because I spent every dime I had for a

reception here so that we could get started outright.

And stupid because I always let you explain everything away, including your

psychosomatic sneezing every time anybody mentioned the word... Ah, don't

it, don't say it.

...marriage. Hold on, hold on.

Cindy, Cindy, can't we sit down and talk this thing out? Look, you can't solve

our problem by hiring gigolos like those characters over there. Hiring them?

You actually don't believe that any man could care enough about me to want to

marry me, right?

Let me tell you something else, Eddie. I'm not going to have to watch my

language anymore because I'm not going to have you to worry about any longer.

Cindy!

The Duke and Duchess of Charleston. It is said one can meet her every day for a

month and never see the same jewels twice.

Princess Okuna.

Legend has it her jewelry came from King Solomon's mines.

Intriguing.

But perhaps just a legend.

There.

That's the one, Mr. Rourke.

Tie of Argus. One of the world's truly great pieces.

Brilliant, perfectly matched blue -white diamonds.

I've never seen anything more beautiful.

And the necklace.

Not bad either.

Who

is

she? Miss Leslie Toulton, New York City.

We do not know a great deal about the lady.

Except that she travels in the wealthiest social circles.

If you would like, Leslie, I could keep it safe for you. You get the necklace

when we make the exchange and not a moment before.

If you'd excuse me a moment.

Circumstances force me to have to deal with you. It's strictly business.

It's my game, Leslie.

And we play by my rules.

I say, Leslie.

You do look perfectly charming. Forgive me for being late.

You don't mind, old boy.

I'll be on my boat tomorrow.

Don't be late.

I appreciate the rescue, but I... Don't remember me. I'm not surprised. That's

because we've never met.

My name is Jordan.

Jordan Montgomery. And you?

Leslie Tarleton.

Who's the dude with him?

I don't know.

Find out and keep an eye on the two of them.

That is a stunning, perfectly beautiful necklace.

I should take very good care of it if I may.

Oh, please excuse me. I don't mean to be rude, but I suddenly feel very tired.

Oh, I'll take you to your room.

No, that won't be necessary.

At least let me get you a fresh cotton. Who knows when we'll meet again?

Sleep soundly, Leslie.

You won't know, but we have a rendezvous tonight.

You ever danced like that with me?

Who?

Cindy, my fiancée.

The woman I love.

She never dressed like that either.

You know something, Wally?

She's going to get tired of all this, and she's going to beg me to take her

back. You just wait and see.

Yeah, I know I'm with 2020. You can see she's having a lousy time.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Can I buy you another drink?

You did that on purpose, you chauvinist. No, I didn't. I swear.

I just like to be friendly.

Exactly. Looking for an easy pickup?

No. Oh, you men. You're all alike.

Hey, what did I do?

A bunch of animals.

All you're interested in is our body. Never our minds.

Animals. All they want is their body.

Hey, lady.

Lady.

Thanks.

For a great idea.

Hey, friend.

I have a very valuable piece of information for you about that young

You know what that guy said?

Our little girl is for hire. A bimbo.

No, I'm sorry, but you have the wrong room.

Cindy! You know, I was starting to feel like Typhoid Annie in there. Why'd

everybody suddenly dump me? Well, uh, look, Cindy, it takes getting used to,

uh... Getting used to?

I thought it over. It doesn't make any difference.

Your place or mine?

Will you run that by me again?

Champagne. Soft music. You wear something sexy, something I can see

then Marty and Cindy go beddy -bye, huh?

We'll talk about price later, okay? Life has gotten in you, Marty. Now, come on.

Stop it. Oh, what the hell?

I still might even marry you anyway.

I'll flip you for her, Marty. Flip?

For me? Look, it may sound a little kinky, but... If you'll dress up in a

cheerleader's outfit, I'll pay double what he offered. Will you let go of me?

mean it. You can't let go of me. Ooh, I like a spirited filly.

Wasn't something we said?

It might hurt now, Cindy, but it's the best thing for you.

Honest.

I love you.

It was an absolute ball, Mr. Rourke.

A fantastic high, like... Like, um... Well, I don't know how to tell you.

Well, I am most pleased.

There's just one thing. Yes?

Now, I don't want you to think I'm being critical, but it was almost...

Too easy. It went off like a piece of cake.

Well, perhaps a tribute to your skill, huh?

Mr. Rourke.

Mr.

Rourke. Yes?

My necklace. It's been stolen.

Leslie.

Leslie, I wouldn't be too upset.

Now, if you'll come with me to my room.

Your room? Why?

Trust me.

Go on, Miss Dalton.

Everything will be all right.

Trust me.

After the thief came in through your window, you received a phone call.

It was the wrong number.

You went back to sleep, and this morning you found a robe on your pillow.

You were the thief.

Leslie, I'm not a thief, but I did take your necklace.

I don't know the difference.

Well, the difference is motive.

I came here to fulfill a fantasy, to be a society cat burglar, to pull off a

slick jewel robbery.

And I had to be your first victim.

I am sorry, but it'll all be over in a minute. You get your necklace back, I

guarantee you.

I had it taped to the back of that drawer.

What are you saying?

I'm saying I've been robbed.

Do you know what you've done? That necklace wasn't even mine.

Not yours?

No, I stole it myself.

Well, not really, but I'm going to go to jail for it just the same.

Miss Tarleton, what exactly do you mean that you stole the necklace?

I'm as phony as he is.

You see, I'm not one of the so -called beautiful people. I work for a living. I

work for Chesley's of New York.

A fashionable jewelry house.

That's right.

You see, I'm sort of a high -class saleswoman. I go to where the rich are.

I kind of model our jewelry, and if someone sees something they like, I'll

it to them.

About a month ago, we bought the Eye of Argus at a private auction and put it on

the market.

Oh, well.

And the necklace is insured.

No.

I borrowed it for this weekend, and I didn't tell my boss.

You borrowed a million -dollar necklace?

Why?

To keep my little brother out of jail.

You see, it's all because of a man by the name of Carl Decker.

He's a professional blackmailer. He's got hooks into maybe a dozen people at

charity ball.

Terry, my brother...

He got himself into a little bit of a mix -up. They charged him with

embezzlement.

But there was written proof that he was innocent. Well, somehow, Decker got his

hands on that proof.

He came to see me a week ago, and he offered to trade the proof for the Eye

Argus. Either I produced the necklace, or my brother went to jail.

I understand.

And, uh, you accepted his proposition?

Not exactly.

Once he produced the proof, I was going to use this to get the

necklace back and have it in the shop by Monday morning.

A desperate plan, Miss Tarleton, but not very inspired.

Well, it's not like I do a lot of this sort of thing.

Oh, Mr. Webster.

What are you doing down there?

I'm hiding.

But I just wanted to tell you what a wonderful time I'm having with my

Oh, we are so pleased.

Imagine me, Harry Donald Webster, a postal clerk from Woodland Hills,

California, being the one and only judge of the first international beauty

contest with a prize of... $50 ,000.

Where'd he go?

Where is he?

I gotta go, Mr. Rourke. Mr.

Webster, if we can give you any help.

Help?

Who needs help?

The semifinals aren't until tomorrow.

Paradise! Here he is.

A new book on traffic safety.

Really? I might suggest that you read it very carefully.

But I already did.

From cover to cover.

Mr. Rourke, I want my money back.

Oh, calm down, Miss Walker. Please join us. Please.

Um, coffee?

Yes, thanks.

Now, exactly why do you insist on a refund?

I want to get married, but I'm not crazy.

Maybe on a liberated scale of ten, I'm only a four. But, Mr. Wark, the men that

you've been matching me with, they're acting like over -sex maniacs.

For that, I apologize, Miss Barker.

But there was a good reason why your admirer so suddenly changed.

I am reliably informed that someone...

spread a rather dastardly rumor about you. The word is out that you are a

hooker.

What? Me?

Indeed, those men were totally convinced that you were, shall we say, a lady of

easy virtue.

Who would tell a lie like that?

Well, ask yourself this question.

Who would most like to see you leave this island?

Why, Eddie, but... Oh, no, Mr. Rourke, he would never do that. I mean, in his

own way, he loves me.

Precisely. But how better to eliminate the competition?

Why, that dirty, no -good, rotten dog in a manger bum.

I mean, how could he do that to me?

Rest assured, Miss Barker, no harm has been done.

The other gentlemen in question are now fully aware of the terrible hoax

perpetrated both on you and them. I'm sure if you want to go through with your

fantasy, you can still be married to one of them before the reception.

But first things first, Mr. Rourke. Right now, all I want is revenge, not

Are you really positive of that, Miss Barker? You bet I am. I want to make him

pay. You mean you want to make him swim?

I want to make him suffer.

Ooh!

I see.

Well, perhaps we should teach Eddie a lesson.

And after all, he didn't make fools of the other suitors, too.

Tattoo. Alert the gentlemen that we might need their help on a mission of

vengeance.

May I ask where you're going, Mr. Conlon? Yes, I'm going to pick up my

then I'm going to put this island of yours behind us. Mr. Conlon.

Mr. Conlon, may I ask your help? Of course.

Something frightful has happened to Cindy.

What, is she hurt?

Deeply, psychologically.

She said to me, if I have the name, I may as well play the

game.

Now, I don't know what she meant, but then she...

It's too painful to talk about.

You must see for yourself.

Please come.

You

need

more makeup.

I've got two inches of the junk on now. Can you show a little more leg?

I can, but I won't. Okay, everybody got it straight. I'll be the pimp. Why you?

I want to be the pimp. I can do it better.

Besides that, perhaps it's me.

Here they come.

Here, here's the gum.

Make it good, kid. We're all behind. Come on, come on, look.

Mr. Rourke?

That girl looks like... Hi, sailor.

No, couldn't be.

Oh, but I'm afraid it is, Mr. Conlon.

What's she doing here?

Why is she looking like that?

This is the first fantasy I've ever had that went sour.

Well, it's a mixture of the island, the sea, the moonlight.

But the worst part is my own mistake. How could I have been so wrong about

gentlemen?

Scandalous. It seems they're nothing more than animals out to exploit the

Oh, I'm furious with them.

For me.

What have I done?

All right, honey. Keep this up. I won't leave sales for security.

This may ruin the reputation of Fantasy Island.

What's happening?

He's really squirming, isn't he? Yeah.

Oh, this is tragic.

Come on, we've got to save her. It's too late now.

Three at a time?

Patience, Mr. Conlon. We must choose the precise moment to confront your fiancée

with the sordidness of her deeds.

He's really suffering.

Howdy, Cindy.

Hi, Cindy. Hello, gorgeous. Hi. See you later.

We've got a lot to talk about.

Miss Rock?

Okay, boys. We take it from here.

Watch your head.

More champagne, Cindy?

Why not? My nose couldn't be any more tickly than it is already.

No more for me. I'm smashed out of my court.

What's the matter? What?

Well, you.

You look so funny standing there drinking champagne with no clothes on.

No funnier than you.

And a lot less dickless.

I got you.

Oh, come on. Why do you love it? I got you, Kim.

This is it, Mr. Rourke.

Where did you come from?

Paris.

I saw them come in. Where'd they go? They went out the fire escape.

I don't understand.

Miss Barker will be happy to explain.

Comfortable.

Oh.

Oh, I get it.

This has all been a put on, huh?

Been making a fool of me.

Turnabout is fair play, Eddie, after all the years that you have been making a

fool out of me.

Oh, now, Cindy.

Cindy, wait a minute. There's more I have to say. Cindy.

Cindy, now come back.

Cindy.

Cindy, there's more I have to say.

Cindy.

Cindy, listen to me.

More explanations.

The only reason I pulled that dirty trick is because I was afraid otherwise

lose you. Oh, huh.

Oh, no, it's true.

And then when I thought you really had become a... Well, I knew that whatever

you were, I couldn't lose you because I love you. And I can't live without you.

And I want to marry you.

Bless you.

Thank you.

I really mean it. I want to marry you.

I want to marry you this afternoon if it's okay.

Please? It's okay.

As long as this time you came to me.

Oh. Lethley.

I really am sorry.

And thank you for meeting me here this morning.

Okay.

I guess we were both playing a little bit above our heads.

Maybe we were.

It's the first smart thing I've done since I came here.

Even Cary Grant would approve.

I'm not so sure he'd approve of your timing.

There may never be a better time. You and I are going to steal back that

necklace.

Jordan, maybe it's too dangerous.

Look, Mr. Rourke told me the necklace is aboard Decker's yacht.

If what I have in mind works, you'll keep them distracted while I get aboard.

Come on.

Looks like fun.

You'd break your neck.

Something familiar about her.

I think that's the Tarleton girl.

Get my binoculars.

It is her.

What's she doing out here?

Oh, you worked before.

Keep an eye on her.

I don't want to take a nap in my cabin.

I'm not sleeping.

I'm delighted everything turned out so well. Thanks to my friend, the former

Kep. My first and last caper.

Tell me about Decker.

Oh, well, when you returned his blackmail files to his victims, you

his income.

You see, that kind of person, when they don't have an income, they have a lot of

dangerous enemies.

Rest assured you will have no more worries from him.

Well, goodbye, Mr. Rourke.

Thanks for everything.

Not at all. Thank you. Goodbye, Stoughton.

Goodbye.

Well, boss, another satisfied customer.

Since he apparently won, Miss Stoughton, it seems that crime paid beautifully in

this case.

I can't thank you both enough.

It's been terrific.

Thank you so much, Mr. Roy. You're very welcome, Miss Parker. Bye, Tattoo. It

was a beautiful wedding.

How is your allergy, Mr. Conlon?

Marry, married, marriage, marrying, matrimony. How's that?

Thanks

for

everything. Bye, Tattoo. Bye.

Well, Tattoo, how goes your greeting card efforts?

Not very good, boss.

Well, then I know why.

The company you were trying to sell them to thought they were too negative,

right? That's right. But the others are more simple.

You want to see one?

Dear graduate, congratulations on your graduation. Now that's better.

Too bad they had to burn the school down Don't you love it?