All language subtitles for fantasy_island_s02e02_the_big_dipper_-_the_pirate

Well, Tattoo, how's our mail order
haberdasher this morning?

Very good, boss.

Do I have a great bargain for you.

How would you like a great cashmere suit
for only $43?

$43? Yes.

For cashmere? Yes.

How can you possibly sell at that price?

We work on a very low margin.

For only a few dollars, you can get all
the extra.

It's all right in here, look.

Your company considers buttons, pockets,
and sleeves as extras?

No, that was my idea.

I call it a lowball sales approach.

Oh, I see.

Well, now tell me, what would a suit
cost with such frills as zippers,

and pant legs?

That all depends, boss.

If you want lapels or sleeves on both
sides or not.

I consider this insolent clothes.

Boss.

Boss.

Boss, wait for me.

Hey, boss.

Miles, everyone.

Miles.

Who are they, boss?

That gentleman is the right Reverend
Hiram Hollister of Cleveland, Ohio.

You must be kidding.

What's his fantasy?

The reverend wishes to spend the weekend
on the fondly remembered farm where he

was raised, which unfortunately is now a
shopping center in the greater

Cleveland area. As you can see, he's
brought his daughter with him.

They don't look too happy to be here.

Oh, I'm sure it's just nerves, the two.
Perhaps they don't like flying.

You sure he's a reverend?

He looks a little shifty to me.

Indeed.

Perhaps there is something worrying him.

Oh, here is someone who should interest
you, Tattoo. Mr. Ted Cavano of

Sausalito, California.

He's quite a celebrated painter.

You don't mean that painter?

The one who let a wild gorilla loose in
his art show?

A pet gorilla, Tattoo. Mr. Cavano said
his ape appreciated art as much as

anyone. What's his fantasy?

Oh, very simple.

He wishes to become a romantic,
adventurous, swashbuckling pirate.

Him? A pirate?

What for?

To sweep the lady he loves, his former
wife, off her feet again.

How romantic.

Is she here?

I don't see her.

Oh, she's on the island already.

But it's not going to be quite as easy
as you might think. You see, the lady is

scheduled to be married to another man
today.

Not that wedding.

Oh, boss.

Those people pay a lot of money for that
wedding.

Hello, guests.

I am Mr. Walt, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

this place is?

I don't know.

Looks like some kind of resort.

Boy, pick in the pocket of a preacher.

He really got us in the soup this time.

What do you mean, me? You're the one
that put the stall on him.

Well, how'd I know what he was?

He wasn't wearing no collar.

Besides, you dipped in him. That's bad
luck.

I just slipped it back, but I saw that
bunco cop bearing down on us.

Come on, Harmony. It could be worse.

Ticket in his wallet got us here, didn't
it? Yeah, but I'm worried, Petey. You

know that cop wants to take me away from
you.

We gotta get out of here before those
creeps figure out we're ringers.

Okay, okay, but we need a steak first.

This place is loaded with pigeons.

You sure you won't foul up again?

Foul up? Me?

I'm the smoothest cannon in the business
and you know it.

Then how come Sergeant Boylan's busted
you four times?

The brakes. Just the brakes.

Look at those.

Those aren't hands. They're instruments,
right?

Come on, baby.

Who's the best dip ever?

Who, baby?

Oh, you are.

Well,

if you ever get down Texas way, I want
you all to be sure and give me a call.

Would you do that?

All right. How about something over
here?

Would you mind giving these ladies a
nice drink?

What do you have?

Oh, you all right, little lady? Gee, I'm
real sorry.

Don't give it another try. Enjoy
yourself, Mr. Wilson. Oh, what is that?

Ah, I just picked it up.

Where is your lost and found apartment?

Oh, how very considerate, Reverend. But
the gentleman who lost it is right

there.

Mr. Wesson? I believe this is yours.

Oh, well, thank you.

Oh, no, no, Reverend Hollister deserves
the thanks.

Well, I'm in your debt, Parson.

If it's not against your principles, I'd
like the honor of buying you a drink.

Why not?

I try to keep an open mind on sinners
and tax collectors.

I'm curious, just what is a parson's
fantasy?

Fantasy?

Reverend Hollister's fantasy is one to
be admired, Mr. Wasson.

He wishes to return to the soil, to
spend a weekend in a farm like the one

grew up on.

Once again, milking cows, plowing
fields.

Sloping pigs.

Daddy is sure looking forward to it, Mr.
Rourke.

Good. Why don't you enjoy some lunch,
and in an hour I'll pick you up at your

bungalow, and your barnyard fantasy will
begin.

Will you excuse us? I do.

Talk to you later.

What did you tell him that for? I'm not
going to work on any farm this weekend.

Maybe not a whole weekend, but I got a
feeling you better at least make a stab

at it.

Unless you want those people to figure
out who you really are.

Is it all right to wear white, Mother? I
mean, isn't there a tradition about

wearing blue the second time around?

Well, in your case, the first time with
that maniac shouldn't count.

I know he's a thousand miles away, but
somehow I always expect him to jump out

of a tree or something.

Mother, if he does, I'll personally kill
him.

Mr. Rourke, you wouldn't believe some of
the crazy things Kavanaugh used to do.

Oh, indeed.

Mr. Rourke, that maniac has scared off
every man who's ever been interested in

my Mary.

All except for Donald Gidding, of
course.

And thank God, he's the prize.

And in just five minutes, you will be
Mrs.

Gidding.

If only dear father were still alive.

You're forgetting.

Daddy liked Kavanaugh.

Well, I mean, no one is perfect.

Shall we, Mrs. LeVere?

How dare you give me up?

Okay.

There you go. Hold it. My dear

friends,

we are gathered here today to join
Mary...

and Donald together in holy matrimony.

If there is anyone present who knows why
these two should not be wed, let him

speak now or forever keep his peace.

Did someone speak?

They shouldn't get married because
Donald Getty is a pompous 14 -carat

It's him. It's him, the maniac. Oh, my
God, it's Kavanaugh.

Did you hear what he called me?

I knew it. I knew it.

That's you behind that eyepatch, isn't
it, Kavanaugh?

Some call me the Seahawk, master of my
own ship.

What?

Your servant, my lady.

Do you realize, sir, there's a wedding
going on? Yes.

Yes, I do. And I must say, a very fine
choice for a bride. Very fine.

Come right there.

Bring her along.

I'm just as deeply shocked as you are.

Shocked.

Here

it

is. You described it in your letter.

This is really neat.

Fields waiting to be plowed and seeded.

A pen of...

Chicken to be fed and eggs to be
collected.

This is the house where you will be
staying.

Looks just like I always thought it
would.

As you requested, everything required
for a vigorous weekend of fruitful labor

in God's country has been provided. Oh.

How I envy your taste for the beauty of
simplicity, Reverend.

This way.

After you, Reverend.

Everything you dreamed of, huh, Dad?

How long are we in for?

I mean, how long can we stay?

Oh, we won't disturb you till Monday
morning.

We better hurry, boss.

There is a New York detective coming on
the next plane.

He wants to talk to you.

Yes. Well, enjoy yourselves. And
remember, our dining room will be happy

any eggs or vegetables you care to sell.

Have a blessed and glorious weekend,
Reverend.

How many?

Well, looks like we're stuck here.

Are you kidding?

I told you before, I'm not about to work
my can off slopping hogs. Now, come on,

let's go find that mark.

No. What do you mean?

If it is boiling on that plane, farm's
the last place he'll look for us.

Petey, that work's no dummy.

If we don't play the part, he'll check
and find out who we really are.

Come on, Petey. We gotta make it look
good, or else.

Anything else, Captain?

No, thanks, Ben.

I still say it's warmer down below.

In your cabin? I'd rather walk the
plank.

Hey, you remember when we were kids we
used to play pirate on the lake? We were

children. In that old barge. It was
filthy.

And I was the captain and you were my
first mate.

Boy, those were magic times.

They were the best. The worst.

That's when you first loved me.

Childhood illusions, Cavanaugh.

That year we got married, we were just
big children.

Isn't there one moment you remember with
me fondly?

Of course.

I'd be lying if I said no.

See? What is it? The divorce.

Smart aleck.

Don't you get it, Cavanaugh? I hate you
and I always will.

Hey, that's pretty strong language.

Be mild. I actually detest you.

Well, I'm your husband. You are not.
We're divorced.

A technicality.

You're already under court order to
leave me alone, Kavanaugh. How long do

think you can carry this off before the
police cart you away?

Cart me away?

The Seahawk fears nothing.

Kavanaugh, you're not Errol Flynn.

Yeah, you're right.

Nobody is anymore.

I guess that's what's wrong with the
group.

You know, I can see you wanting to get
married.

You admit it. You admit we're not
married.

But to a stiff -like giddy.

That's cruel, Kavanaugh.

And it's not very fair.

Donald is... He may be conventional by
your bizarre standards, but he's strong

and dependable.

And I hate you for ruining my wedding.

Mary.

Mary, if you really mean that, then life
has no meaning for me.

I mean it.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

You have sealed my fate.

Gonna jump, Cavanaugh. Hooray!

Au revoir, darling.

This is goodbye.

me, Ted.

Another trick.

I should have known.

Okay.

Of course I'm not okay.

Every muscle in my body hates me.

I am one mountain of pain.

And just look at these.

They're ruined.

I'll be months getting them back in
shape.

Yeah, the whole thing's been a bummer.

But maybe a guy could get used to it.

Are you crazy?

Oh, I don't mean that.

But there's something.

Not much.

But something to be said for it.

Isn't there?

I know this sounds dumb, Petey.

But doesn't this place remind you of
something?

What?

Remember when I was little?

You used to say we'd have a place like
this someday.

Remember?

Oh, boy.

I'm an agony and you tell me junk like
that.

It was just a bedtime story to make you
shut up and go to sleep.

The New York cop.

He's waiting outside again.

Should I let him in or should I tell him
you're still busy?

No, he's been waiting long enough.
Perhaps we should see him.

Oh, and Tattoo, please, please.

It's not cop.

It's police officer.

Come in, police officer, cops.

Thank you.

Oh, Mr. Roark, Sergeant Boylan, NYPD
Bunko Squad. Yes, yes, I understand.

Sit down, Sergeant. Please, sit down.

Well, what can I do for you?

Well, I think it's more what I can do
for you in protecting the valuables of

your guests.

Oh? You see, Mr. Roark, I have traced a
notorious pickpocket to your island.

His name is Petey Raven.

Pickpocket?

Now, this cannon usually travels with
his kid.

He's trained her to be a stall.

I see.

Tell me something, Sergeant. Isn't it
rather unusual to chase a petty

thief so far?

It's because the kid's involved.

You see, Mr. Rourke, under the habitual
criminal law, the judge has cautioned

Petey... That he'll put the girl in a
foster home if he ever slips again.

I see.

So, uh, you are doing it for the child's
own good.

Mm -hmm. For the child.

For society.

Yes, Sergeant.

These two are here. Well, show me where
they are and we'll make the collar now.

Oh, not so fast.

Not so fast.

I must remind you that the New York
police have no authority on Fantasy

Sergeant. I don't get you, Mr. Ork.

Are you trying to help them in some way?

Hardly.

Coming here under false pretenses, they
have also defrauded me.

Be assured, I'll see they get what's
coming to them.

What's this?

Cannabis?

Yellow -white?

Arcturus?

Hot orange?

Regal?

Cool blue -white?

They all look white to me.

No, no, that's an illusion. You've got
to see them through a telescope.

You're a funny man, Kavanaugh.

The last time I saw you, you were deep
into Van Gogh.

His friends called him Vincent.

Vincent. Starry Night got me interested.

And you got me my very best Starry Night
repro. Remember?

On my 30th birthday.

I remember.

You do? You found a gray hair.

Yeah, well, take a look. It's gone.

I cut it out. Rotten branch.

No gray hair.

Cavanaugh, you're certifiable.

Pass it, son.

How come you only call me by my first
name when you think I'm dead?

I guess it's because you're an artist.

Left name signatures.

You remember when I sold my first
painting?

You were there.

The coffee shop?

I guess it was a sale.

Oh, yeah, it was a sale. I mean, they
took it for good and valuable

consideration.

Only because we didn't have enough money
to pay for the hamburgers we ate that

month.

I guess it wasn't all bad, Kevin.

Yeah.

You want to dance?

You trying to seduce me, Kevin? No, no.

Just to dance.

I wouldn't try that.

Come on.

Nice music.

Okay.

But we'll just dance. Just dance.

Just a nice, friendly dance.

I did like you once, Cavanaugh.

But only in your saner moments.

I maybe even loved you a little. Yeah?

Well, I've always loved you.

I know what you're trying to do.

I know.

And you want me to move into your cabin
with you, don't you? Sleep with you

tonight. No.

I almost could the way I feel right now.

Why don't you?

Because it wouldn't be fair to Donald.

Donald?

Yeah.

To hell with Donald.

Donald doesn't care about you.

All Donald cares about is the millions
he inherited.

I care about you.

You're not being fair.

Suppose I did stay with you tonight.

Comes the morn, fairy magic gone with
the champagne, and we'd beat each

throats again.

I never promised you a rose card.

But then again, we're not roses, are we?

Cute.

No, Captain.

If you truly loved me, you'd let me go.

Okay, uh... I, uh... I'm sorry, I, uh...
I thought I could make you

fall in love with me again. That's a
crazy thought.

Well, I'll take you back in the morning.

Morning, Glory.

This is Potter.

Come in, Morning Glory.

What is it, Patton?

We got the pigeon we're looking for.

Pigeon? What do you mean?

There's a gal aboard ship worth a couple
million to someone.

Come and pick her up.

I am so pleased to see that the farming
life really agrees with you two.

Oh, yes, it's just peachy.

Wonderful, wonderful.

Tattoo, may I be of any service?

No, thank you, boss.

I take care of business with the
Reverend and his daughter.

Well, in that case, if you'll excuse me.

That's 12 cartons of A's.

Triple A and super fresh.

Just like those radishes.

They don't look fresh to me.

Then you're looking wrong. I picked them
this morning.

You're lucky to get goods like these.

All right.

That makes six crates plus the eggs.
That's $37.

I can offer you cash or $60 in trade.

Trade for what?

A full real cashmere suit for your
father.

Thanks, but we'll take cash.

Come on, we gotta get back.

We'll collect later.

I made the same old fine shoes.

Good morning.

Did you sleep well?

Ahoy! You idiots in a small boat, give
way!

That must be Donald, saving me.

Get out of here!

Stand the yard arm, or stand by to
repel!

What are you, nuts? Those guys are
shooting real bullets!

Look out!

Abandon ship!

Let's get the hell out of here!

This isn't a steer trip, is it, Kev?

I wish you was.

Help!

I'm guard.

I got a better one, boy.

Dig him up.

Yeah, but no.

Now, don't be scared, Mary.

Shut up.

Get in the boat.

Come on, come on, come on. Move along.

Come on. You too. Let's go.

And that'll be my way. I really
appreciate it.

Oh,

Mr. Roy. Mr. Roy. Mr. Johnson, and how
are you today?

How am I? Yes.

Then I can assume you are pleased with
the fulfillment of your fantasy.

Pleased is hardly the word. How can I
ever thank you? Your happiness, Mr.

Johnson, is my reward.

Thank you.

Mr. Johnson, what's your fantasy?

Well, you see, my favorite TV show is
Three's Company. That's where this young

man shares an apartment with these two
luscious beauties and what fun they

And you wish to do the same.

Write his ring tattoo.

Girls, right this way, please.

Hello, watch your step.

Excuse me. Allow me. Allow me. Allow me.
Hello.

Hello. Do you want to excuse me?

Boss, I don't understand.

On the TV show, there are two girls.

I don't need five.

Haven't you heard?

Heard what, boss?

Inflation, my dear tattoo.

Inflation? Inflation.

What do you think you're accomplishing?
Well, you saw it boiling. I got to get

my hands in shape so I can hit that
mark.

We need a stake to get out of here.

Harmony, what are we going to do?

Maybe we could stay here.

It's a thought.

Are you crazy?

I don't think it's so crazy.

You want to live on a farm?

Okay, I'll arrange it. I'll send you to
your Aunt Laura's.

We got to get off this island first.

Harmony, I'm not a farmer. I'm a
pickpocket. It's the only thing I do

You're right. I was playing a dumb kid
game with these dumb things.

Well, what good did that do?

It helped make up my mind. Look, there's
nothing wrong with my hands. I'll hit

the mark for us.

You, with boiling around talk sense,
Harmony.

You're years away from being a passable
dip.

Fact is, you're not even a good stall
yet.

Oh, yes, I am. And I can do it.

Harmony, come back here.

Harmony, open up.

Come on now.

I'm your dad.

I am what I am because I can't do
anything else.

Dammit, don't you understand?

I don't want you to grow up to be a
thief.

Harmony?

I'm getting real punked off.

Harmony, now open this door.

Okay, you want to get stubborn? Stay in
there.

Hey, you expect us to stay in this dump?

Just until her boyfriend pays the
ransom.

Ransom? What ransom?

What if he doesn't pay? What then?

Nothing. We both just simply disappear.

Make yourselves comfortable.

You'll be thankful now that I'm marrying
somebody as principled and dependable

as Donald. He'll save your miserable
hide, too.

There's madness catching, Cavanaugh.

You almost had me going there again.

Why couldn't you just have left me
alone?

I'd be married now and on my honeymoon.

I'm really sorry, Mary.

I never meant for any of this to happen.

You never do.

Just stay away from me, okay?

Whenever you're near me, there's
trouble.

Harmony! You've been in there an hour.
Get out here.

Oh, baby.

Don't try it.

You want a grape?

Huh? Would you like to have a drink?

Want a little drink? There you go. Well,
you drink and be merry. Isn't that

good, Taysom?

Want another one? Huh?

How about that? Isn't that good?

Want another one?

Here you go.

Want some?

Yeah, good. Well, that's good, isn't it,
huh?

There you go. My goodness sakes. Have
some more.

There.

There you go.

Hey, I'm not quite sure...

Not very likely, little lady.

Here you are, sir. Thank you. So he's
got you doing the work for him now, huh?

Please, I couldn't let Petey do it. I
had to do it myself.

Well, Mr. Rourke, do you mind if I take
charge now?

Obviously, you already have.

Please help me, Mr. Rourke.

I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do.

Don't take me, Boylan.

Please. Come on.

I'm sorry, Petey.

I'm sorry for everything.

It was the brakes, kid. Just the brakes.

No. It was all my fault.

Being here, your hands, getting you on
that farm, now being taken

away from you.

Oh, will you stop blaming yourself?

Can I tell him, Mr. Rourke?

Yes, I think you shouldn't.

Tell me what?

Mr. Rourke was helping me.

Nothing that happened was an accident.

This was all my fantasy from the
beginning.

What's she saying?

There wasn't even a real preacher.

He was just a guy I hired to plant the
ticket on.

So you could steal it.

It was all just to get us here. Here to
Fantasy Island.

Is this true?

Yes. Mr. Raven.

Every word of it.

Her getting caught?

Boylan coming here was all part of it,
too?

No. I just say those were just the
breaks.

Why? I knew I'd be taken away next time
you tumbled.

You're good, Petey. But there's always
the break.

And the grabs can go sour.

Then I remembered your bedtime stories.

I thought you might have meant them just
a little.

You couldn't get in trouble working on a
farm.

I just wanted us to be together, Petey.

I've really let you down.

Along the line.

All your life.

It's time to go.

See you, Petey.

Unless you want to wake them up.

How'd you get these off?

Cavanaugh!

I had a palette knife hidden in my boot.

I've been scraping rotten adobe all
night.

Okay. Some rope's done.

All right, let's go. Let's get out of
here. Where?

Where? Escape.

We're escaping.

Let's go. And get shot at?

You're crazy, as usual. I'll wait here
until Donald comes with the money.

Do you really think he's coming with the
money?

And if he did, do you think they'd let
us go?

Come on. Why shouldn't they? I'm
staying.

I haven't got time to argue. We've got
to get out of here. No, you're not

kidnapping me again.

I am not kidnapping you.

I'm saving you. Now, come on.

Look.

I'm the good guy. The bad guys are out
there. Let's go.

Help! Help! No, please.

Don't do that. Are you crazy?

What's the matter? Don't you like the
room?

No, it's the service.

What time will Mr. Gidding be here for
me? He won't.

Mr. Gidding radioed his regrets and his
deep love.

But he said it's against his principles
to pay ransom. He said you'd understand.

Of course I understand.

It takes a strong man to stand up for
his principles, even when it hurts.

I admire him for that.

Wonderful.

All right, let's go.

What are you going to do?

It's time to disappear.

Come on.

Hurry up!

Never mind. Forget it.

We blew it.

Throwing fun to the chickens, Mr.
Brayden?

Well, it's not a love affair yet, but
they're not as bad as I thought they

I had my chance here.

Turn it all around.

I didn't understand.

Most opportunities are lost because they
aren't recognized.

I'd do anything to keep her, Mr. George.

Anything. Even give up picking pockets?

I gave that up back in the visitor's
room with Harmony.

Well, you don't have to worry about
Cavanaugh anymore, Mumsy.

And as for you, Donald, if Mary can
stand you, I wash my hands.

I'm afraid you're no gentleman,
Cavanaugh.

Thank you very much.

You're lucky we don't prosecute you.

Goodbye, Mary.

I can't wait to get off this dreadful
island.

Well, the ceremony will be simple,
proper, and brief.

What do you say, darling? How does that
strike you?

With just a few dozen clothes, friend.

The reception at home.

Wouldn't that be much better?

I can arrange it.

Well, I want to thank you for giving me
the shot, Mr. Rourke.

It wasn't your fault I blew it.

Oh.

Is it really that bad?

I just couldn't accept the fact that she
didn't love me.

Only my oversized ego made me think she
ever did.

Mary. You've been wrong about everything
else, Cavanaugh. Let's not spoil a

perfect record now.

Oh, Mary.

I don't know why I'm doing this. This
craziness must be catching.

It is. It's definitely catching.

And my mother and Donald really think
Kavanaugh has kidnapped me again?

As soon as the plane is in the air, I'll
see the search party's called off.

Search party?

As I figure it, they should be several
miles into the jungle by now.

Mr. Rourke, how can we ever thank you
for helping us get away?

Goodbye, Mr. Calvin. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Let's go.

Sergeant, may I have a word?

Certainly. I am very, very embarrassed
to tell you, but I'm afraid there's a

problem. I had a long talk with the
chief magistrate of the island, and, oh,

he's such a stubborn man.

He just won't let you take the young
lady from the island.

What? Something about extradition
papers, and you don't have them.

What about Harmony?

What's he going to do with her?

He's talking parole, but of course it's
conditional.

It seems we have no one to run that
farm, so his honor thought you two might

it.

It does solve the pickpocket problem,
doesn't it, Sergeant?

Think what it will do to his hands.

Wait a minute. Where is this judge?

I want to talk to him.

You are, Sergeant.

You are.

What about you two?

I mean, you don't want to spend the rest
of your life on a farm here, right out

in the middle of nowhere, do you?

Ah! Ah!

Well, Mr. Roark, I don't think I'll see
you again.

I don't think you'll see them again
either, Sergeant.

Thank you.

Adios. Goodbye.