Original subtitles

Good morning, boss.

Well, you certainly look chipper this morning.

Why not?

It's only two days before my birthday.

It is indeed that.

And I have been giving some serious thought to how we can make it a truly

meaningful experience.

I bet you have all my presents wrapped.

And for the party, loud music, pretty ladies.

But that's what you had last year.

And all the years before.

Precisely my point.

Birthdays should be a noble time, a time of reflection, a time of reexamining

one's goals in life.

But I already examined my goals.

That's why I like loud music, pretty ladies.

Oh, you're joking, of course.

Now, I don't want to get you excited, but let me tell you what I have planned.

First, no presents this year.

No presents?

No, I thought we could spend the evening over a quiet dinner. Just the two of

us. Afterwards, maybe a game of chess.

Or perhaps as an instant of sherry. Ah, the jeep.

No presents?

Chess?

Sherry?

He must be kidding.

That's it.

He is kidding.

I hope he's kidding.

Miles. Miles, everyone.

When I guess, you feel welcome.

Do you? Her name originally was Catherine Patrino.

She's Kay Penny, the TV star.

She's hilarious.

In actuality, I'm afraid she's a very unhappy person to do.

Unhappy? But she's the most successful lady on TV.

And therein lies her problem.

After years of hard work and dedication, she finally reached the very pinnacle

of success, only to realize that her life has become totally empty.

What does she want from that, boss?

A chance, she hopes, will help her find that meaning and direction again.

A chance to be just plain Catherine Patrino once more.

They look like two cats about to share a canary.

Perhaps they are, Tattoo. Perhaps they are.

Alex Fairley and Bill Cummings. Like millions of other young men in today's

world, they live ordered and regimented lives.

But they want more.

Oh, they do indeed, Tattoo. Alex and Bill have dreams of excitement, of

Of one time in their lives when they will experience the thrill of not

what will happen next.

How can we do all this, boss?

They have provided the idea themselves.

For this weekend, they will be their favorite heroes. This weekend, Alex and

Bill will be Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rock, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

You men look as though you were born to those outfits.

Well, sometimes I think we were.

You have no idea what this means to us.

Oh, I think I do, Mr. Cummings. Or should I say butch?

Oh, butch.

Follow this road for about five miles.

There you will find a town with a bank, should you decide to avail yourselves of

it. And beyond the hole -in -the -wall hideout where the rest of your gang

awaits you.

But you do realize, of course, that the two men you've chosen to emulate were

outlaws.

Wanted men with a price on their heads.

We understand what you're saying, Mr. Rourke. But the risk you speak of is

exactly why we came here.

Well, then, I will leave you now.

And wish you luck in the dangerous role you've taken on.

Come along. Two.

The women in the old west were real women.

I wish I was going with you, Butch. I'm Sundance. He's Butch.

I still wish I was going with you.

What do you say, Butch? Should we round up our gang?

Not just yet.

What do you have in mind?

Well, I was just thinking.

I'd feel a little more comfortable when we'd ride in to meet our gang for the

first time.

If we had some cash in our pockets.

Mr. Rourke did say there was a bank in that town.

You thinking you and me should make a withdrawal?

Well, I can't see any reason.

Reason why not.

Come on, Butch. All right, let's get somebody off the pass. Yee -haw!

It's not much further now.

When you cross over this ridge, you will leave the celebrated Cape Penny behind

and become once again just unknown Catherine Patrino.

There.

It looks just like the town I grew up in. Yes, I know.

Your hometown had a day in your honor last year, did it not?

Yes, it did.

Well, I assure you fame will not be a problem for you in Cedar Corners. The

surrounding mountains... make television reception totally impossible, and the

residents tend to ignore the outside world.

You will be nothing more than a stranger to them.

We wish you luck, Miss Patrino.

We wish you luck.

Thank you.

You ready, Sundance?

I've been ready for this all my life, Butch.

10, 20, 30, 40, 50.

Yes, sir.

Morning. Morning, sir. Can I help you?

I'd like to withdraw some money. Certainly, sir.

The name of your account?

Cassidy. B.

Cassidy.

Cassidy.

Well, now, I don't seem to see your account listed here, sir.

Then we'd like to open up one.

Oh, my.

Hold it.

Hands up.

Up against that wall.

Take that.

Don't shoot.

There's no reason to shoot.

Take it easy. Nobody's going to get hurt.

I'm taking it easy.

The money. Give me the money.

Right, Sundance.

Joe puts Cassidy in the Sundance, kid.

You just had to think pleasure being robbed by none other.

You can tell your grandchildren about it, miss.

Good day.

I really want to thank you guys for giving me a lift into town.

Well, it isn't often we see a lady hitchhiker around here.

Right, fellas?

It's beautiful, isn't it?

A real old -fashioned small town.

I think the founders say celebration.

And it's full of real old -fashioned small town people.

Are you sure it's what you're looking for?

For now, yeah.

I think this might be the place to let you off.

There it is.

Lean, reasonable, and the food is fantastic.

All right,

Dennis. Bye.

Thanks, Pip.

Is Pip short for Philip?

Uh, Pip doesn't talk much.

And it isn't short for anything. It's instead of Mervin.

Mervin? Mervin.

It's his grandfather's name.

Well, happy hunting, Captain.

You too, Lloyd.

See you later. Thanks.

Can I help you? Oh, I hope so. I was looking for a room. Do you have anything

available? Well, if you're a friend of Lloyd, you must be all right.

I think I have a room you might like just fine.

What's your name, dear?

Petrino. Catherine Petrino.

Catherine! Oh, I like that name.

It sounds so regal.

You can just call me Aunt Mary. Everybody does.

Come along and I'll show you the room.

It looks like a real hole in the wall.

Hey, Slim.

Howdy. Howdy.

Howdy.

I'm Butch Cass.

I'm Sundance.

Glad to see you. My name's Slim. This is Hank and Bart.

We expected you earlier.

Well, we had to make a little stop.

At the bank.

Had a withdrawal to make.

How's business?

Well, to tell you the truth, we had a bit of bad luck.

Luck had nothing to do with it. We messed it up, and that's the truth.

Mess what up? Well, the stage carrying gold from a mining camp up north.

We tried to hit it for the past three weeks.

Missed every time.

Maybe the right men haven't tried to stop it yet.

When's this stage come back through here?

This afternoon.

You couldn't help a lady find a job, could you?

Thanks.

Oh, I was just coming in to ask about the sign.

Oh? What was you going to ask about it?

If you were looking for help.

That's why I put it up.

Oh, well, here I am, to help.

Oh, you don't look like a soda jerk to me.

Besides, I already got me one.

There's something wrong with the milkshake mixer, Mr. Peabody.

Uh, check me out tomorrow.

You never can tell.

Oh, uh, Doc Hopper around the corner.

He's still looking for a receptionist.

That is, if you qualify.

Oh, thanks.

Ain't nothing wrong with the mixer except the man behind it.

Dr. Hopper it is. Thanks.

Is the doctor in?

Think you can help me?

The doctor?

Here I am.

Are you the doctor? Dr.

Lloyd Hopper, DVM.

You're not here about that job, are you? One a bit.

Well, that's just so sad.

Go get yourself a jacket and give me a hand. Oh, okay.

Barney's going to be fine.

Just don't feed him any more frozen dinner.

Catherine, are you afraid of cats?

Afraid of cats? No.

Terrific. Say hello to Daffy.

He's got a terrific cold.

Nice kitty.

Be careful!

Huh?

Get that thing out of here and don't look back.

bad for 10 minutes work is it you two are all they said you were and more no

shock slim it was nothing well let's get this back to the hole in the wall

here's more a little gold all right

well you all go on back and sundance and i can do some celebrating whatever you

say butch all right you sure stopped that coach good

butch well thank you sundance

See you back at the hole in the wall, boys. Okay.

Better than robbing that bank.

I forgot about that.

What?

The bank. We can't go back into town to celebrate.

Why not?

We robbed the bank.

Oh, yeah.

How much did you get from that bank?

$483.

You got an idea?

I think so.

Oh, not again.

Put your hands down.

You're not here to rob us again?

No, not at all.

In fact, we're here to return the money that we borrowed.

With interest, of course.

It's all there.

$483.

I don't know what to say.

Well, you just tell the town that Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kidby like it here

so much, we don't want to steal their money.

See you around.

Thank

you,

Tattoo.

Well, I must say that your hobby is rather unique.

Is there a book on Wyatt Earp that you haven't read?

Not unless there's a new one published yesterday, sir.

And your quick draw?

Just an extension of my hobby, sir.

Mr. Rourke?

Yes? When can I begin?

Well, I think you can begin right now, Marshal Earp.

I assume that's how you prefer to be addressed.

It is.

Yes, sir.

The chance at being wider has been a lifelong fantasy of mine.

I think this is what you've been waiting for.

I knew you were kidding, boss.

Kidding? About my birthday. I bet you and Mei Ling were cooking up something.

We were indeed, Tattoo.

I recall what you said about pretty girls and music.

Well, after our chess game, Mei Ling and her mother are going to come over and

give us a violin and cello recital.

Mr. Allison, ready to start your fantasy?

Oh, Mr.

Rourke, two weeks in the jungle.

I can hardly wait.

Boss, I hate to tell you this, but two weeks in the jungle with an elephant.

This has to be the dumbest fantasy I ever heard of.

Sheba! Sheba, hurry!

It's time! It's time, Sheba!

What do you think of Mr. Allison's fantasy now, Tatooine?

No, Mrs.

Baxter's pet rooster was the last of them. Good.

Are you always this busy?

Not usually.

I guess people want to have their pets looked at before Founder's Day tomorrow.

Why? What happens?

We're closed.

But you still get paid.

You know, it's official day off.

How nice.

Well, I'd better be going.

Mrs. Emery serves dinner promptly at 6 o 'clock.

Well, Catherine, wait.

Look, you know, Pip and I get kind of lonesome eating every night by

I mean, we're not exactly alone. Duke is there, but his table matters.

I don't understand. What about your wife? I mean, Mrs. Hopper.

She, uh, passed away almost a year ago.

I'm sorry.

Hey, listen, if I'm not mistaken, you just had an invitation, but I haven't

an answer.

Dinner?

I'd love to.

Great.

Let's go.

You know, Sundance, I could get used to this real easy.

Sure beat the devil out of Thursday night bowling, Butch.

I'll drink to that.

Now, honey, that water's hot.

I'll drink to that. All right.

Excuse me.

Aren't you Butch Cassidy of the Sundance, kid?

Yeah, I'm Butch. I'm Sundance.

Excellent. And now I'm glad I found both of you.

You with the local newspaper?

Not quite.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

About 5 '11". Uh -huh.

You a haberdasher?

Not really.

Well, then who are you and why are you taking these measurements?

I'm just a man that likes to be prepared.

Prepared for what?

Your funerals. What else?

Funerals? Funeral.

You know something we don't?

You haven't heard?

Heard what?

Marshal Wyatt Earp just rode into town.

He said he's going to kill both of you.

Wyatt Earp? You've got to be kidding. In my profession, dying is not a kidding

matter.

And now, I can offer you a variety of coffins.

You know, this is the nicest dinner I've had in a long time.

You know, this place could become habit for me.

Oh, I don't know.

I've always figured that every place had its advantages and disadvantages.

What really matters is who you're with and how you feel about it.

You may not realize it, but Pip likes you.

I can tell.

You know, he's not usually receptive to strangers.

Especially lady strangers, huh?

I guess he doesn't like the idea of anyone ever replacing his mother.

Not that anyone ever could.

She was an original.

You know, I tried to talk to Pip a few times today.

But he just sort of looked up at me with his big solemn eyes.

I couldn't even get him to crack a smile.

Yeah, well, uh, Pip doesn't talk much.

Yeah, I guess I better get things cleaned up.

Well, I'll help you. No, no, that's all right. You go play with the guys.

Go on.

Okay.

Mind if I join you? What are you reading?

20 ,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne.

You like that?

It's real complicated reading, you know.

Here, let me see it. Oh, come on.

I am Captain Nemo, he replied in a deep, resounding voice

of great beauty.

What is it?

I, uh... I said Pip didn't talk much.

The truth is, he doesn't talk at all.

He hasn't uttered a word since his mother died.

It's like, uh... Well, except for me and Duke, his whole world is emptied out.

What? Have you talked to doctors?

Yeah, there's nothing they can do.

It'll have to come from him.

Did his mother read to him?

That was their favorite book.

I think in some ways that, well, Pip identifies with Captain Nemo.

I think he's hiding himself, uh, well, to get him with the world for taking his

mother away.

I'm sorry.

Look, uh, well, the office is closed tomorrow, so... Catherine.

How about joining me and Pip at Founders Day tomorrow?

I'd like to very much.

Great.

Nice to see you, boys.

I don't reckon you'll come peaceful, so, uh, anytime you're ready.

You ready?

Nope.

Me neither.

It's real bullets.

He's trying to kill it.

Oh, no, not you two again.

Gentlemen, you seem to be in a bit of a hurry.

Mr. Rourke, there's a guy up there who thinks he's Wyatt Earp.

Indeed. The fastest young in the West.

He's trying to kill us. You've got to stop him.

Mr. Rourke cannot do that.

Tattoo is quite correct.

Marshal Earp has his fantasy, too.

And you are wanted men.

Well, in that case, we want our fantasy terminated right here and right now. Oh,

Mr. Cassidy, I'm afraid I can't do that either.

I tried to warn you of the consequences of your fantasy before you started,

didn't I?

But he's going to kill us.

For the remainder of the weekend, he's certainly going to try.

Come on, Butch. What are we going to do?

I don't know. I've seen westerns where guys have the same problems that we do.

What do they do to get out of it?

Run like hell.

The whole secret to having fun at Founders Day is to get out there and get

involved and participate.

I got Pip in the foot race, the hot dog eating contest.

First the racing, then the hot dogs.

I hope so.

Okay, come on. Here we go.

Great.

Hi, I need two, please.

Well, what are you going to do?

Me? Yeah. Well, let's see. I'm an alternate judge in the Cavs foot jelly

competition.

And a favorite, I might add, in the two -man sack race with Ben Grover. He's the

fire chief.

And I will probably devour enough pie and fried food to be violently ill for a

week.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

What about you? You've got to get involved.

Oh.

Well, I'm not much for quilting.

And I don't know beans about calves for jelly.

great at making noise.

Hear that, Pip?

Let's make some noise.

Ah, forget it, George.

That pig just don't give a hoot.

Next contestant.

Here she is, Floyd.

Catherine Petrino.

And she's a natural.

All right, Catherine. Now, the rules are simple. You call the pig. And if he

comes, you win.

But don't get your hopes up too high.

I think we got ourselves a deaf pig.

Thank you.

Hey, this is fantastic.

You know, he hasn't laughed like this in a long time.

And I think he likes you. Oh, great.

I like you too, Pip.

Well, what should we do next?

He won't answer you.

What's this?

The boy's unable to speak.

Not unable, Mr. Downey. He'll talk when he's ready.

Well, he better be ready by the beginning of school term, or he won't be

resume his studies.

You don't need to worry about Pip.

He'll do just fine with his schoolwork. Not in public school.

I am a member of the school board, you know, and your son has no place in a

class with normal children.

Normal? Are you saying he's abnormal? You overstuffed windbag?

Would you like me to get him back?

You're a funny lady, Catherine.

All the doctors owe my trying.

And it took you to get through to them just by making them laugh.

I can't thank you enough.

You better get ready for that race, huh, Pip?

See you at the starting line?

You couldn't keep me away.

Come on, boy.

Here we go.

Would you like to be my friend, pretty lady?

Of course.

How beautiful.

I am very flattered.

Mr. Roark.

Are you enjoying your life as Catherine Patrino?

Yes. I love it. And what of the famous Kay Penny?

Does she have a place there anymore?

I'm not sure.

I do know that as Catherine Petrino, I feel more like a person.

Why?

Because I'm not expected to make people laugh all the time.

And yet your gift of humor is something that many people would consider most

precious.

I'm sure that they would.

Right now, I'm not so sure that I do.

Really?

And what was it you used when you made the little boy laugh?

Who were you then?

Catherine or Kay?

Oh, my dear Miss Patrino, don't you know that a gift of humor is like any other

gift?

It can be used for good, or it can be wasted.

What is truly important is the person to whom that gift has been given.

Catherine!

I'll be right there, Lloyd.

You're wrong, Mr. Rourke.

Will you like to be my friend?

Pretty lady?

This place is too much.

Look it, I'm dirty, I'm sleepy, and I'm tired of running all night.

Me too.

That's better than being a notch in Wyatt Earp's gun.

But we're Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid.

Now, we can't let some old marshal turn us into little -livered cowards. My

liver's just fine. I like it that way.

Well... Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Butch Cassidy and the kid wouldn't let that happen to them.

Can't let it happen to us, either.

You'll have to face him down, Sundance.

What?

Me do what?

Face him down.

It has to be you. You're the better shot.

I'll be busy with this.

Are you crazy? You'll kill us all with this stuff.

Not if you do exactly as I tell you.

Well,

I may just have the perfect plan.

All righty then.

On your marks.

Get set.

Sometimes the anesthetic has a peculiar effect.

It's almost as if someone has to pull the animal back to life or they just

wake up.

Is that the way it is with Duke?

I can't be sure.

You're afraid Duke's gonna die, aren't you?

You're afraid that he's gonna leave you just the way your mother did.

Catherine.

It has to be done.

No one wants to die, Pip.

Your mother didn't want to leave you and your father. It just happened.

And if you loved her, then you've got to do what she would have wanted you to

do. You've got to go on without her.

Pip, you can't stay so very mad at the world that you won't speak.

You've got to talk to us.

Pip, Duke needs you to call him back.

You've got to talk now.

Stop.

You're not being fair to Pip.

Lloyd, someone has to say it.

No one can hide from what they are.

You can't be Captain Nemo forever.

Are you going to let Duke die without telling him that you love him?

Don't die.

Please don't die.

Duke's going to be fine.

And thanks to you, so will Pip.

I'm just glad I could help.

Pip would have made it anyway.

You know, ever since we first met, I've had the feeling that you were just kind

of passing through.

Pip and I talked. We'd like you to stay here with us.

I can't.

Not because I don't have feelings for Pip.

And for you too, but because of what I just said to Pip.

About wanting to hide from life?

Yeah.

I can't be Captain Nemo either.

I've got to be who and what I am.

And if that hasn't brought me satisfaction so far, well, I just have

to my life and try and make it work.

I will miss you, Lloyd Hopper.

We'll remember you, Catherine Petrino.

off the street.

I've been waiting a long time for this Sundance.

Talk's cheap.

Right there, Russell.

Look, maybe we'll just talk this out, huh?

What?

It sure does beat the hell out of Thursday Night Bowling, doesn't it?

Mr. Roar, I want to thank you for letting me see myself.

I am happy you're pleased.

You are a rare person, no matter what name you give yourself.

Thank you.

Bye -bye, Tatooine.

Coming. Fairly, are you ready to return to the rigorous of commuter life?

I guess as ready as we'll ever be.

But I got to tell you, there was a time there at breakfast.

We thought about asking you to trade in our tickets for home for a couple of

tickets to South America.

For a career in bank robbing, no doubt.

What made you change your mind?

Would you believe we got homesick?

I think you've made an extremely wise choice.

Goodbye, Mr. Cummings.

Fairly.

Oh, tattoo, I almost forgot.

Happy birthday.

Oh, thank you, boss.

It must be a great relief to you knowing that this year you won't have to party

through the night, fight off pretty girls, dance to loud music.

Oh, a great relief.

I can hardly wait for the chess game.

Indeed.

Somehow, I have a feeling it may be days before we get to it.

Behind you.

Happy birthday, my friend.