Original subtitles

And the award goes to... Previously on The Foundation.

Congratulations,

Reggie. The other rich people have spoken.

Why don't you help more white people, Reg? There will be no race!

There'll be a race.

Turtle in the hair.

Enjoy the Rockies.

In 1977, tobacco baron Randolph James Selkirk established the R .J. Selkirk

Foundation. As a grand act of penance, Selkirk bequeathed $300 million to the

foundation under the all -encompassing mandate... For the betterment of

humankind worldwide.

Today, the R .J. Selkirk Foundation is managed by Michael Valmal Selkirk, a job

legally allotted to him for life in a separation agreement from R .J.'s

granddaughter.

What's all the hubbub about?

Ready to save another sack of kittens?

So, is the shelter over capacity?

Well, for every person who's at in every night, we turn away two at the door.

We had two men freeze to death last winter.

Were they high?

Drunk. The addicts never freeze to death. They just keep moving. So the

freeze.

You know what my stomach is saying to me tonight?

It's saying, Michael, skip the tar tar.

Is it too late to get Papa Claude to start up a lapero?

But of course, Mr. Thalgaard.

What?

What? He wants the lab coat. The lab coat?

Again? Man!

Reg!

Reg! Reg!

Is it your birthday again? What are you, 94, 95?

No, no, no. Just a little celebration.

You know Papa Claude. He dedicated the back table to me.

And creates plaque and all. Totally unnecessary.

Father Conaghy, it's a pleasure.

That's the last table, isn't it?

Yep. Mr. Lamlin's participating in our one -night campaign.

Good.

I am, too.

What? It's not for the faint at heart. We are asking people to go out on the

street and live like a homeless person for one night with one quarter.

Regin's group pledged $75 ,000.

We're in for $350 ,000.

Mike.

Our donation budget is extremely tight until the next fiscal year.

It is the next fiscal year.

Make it four.

Fifty.

Oh! Oh, my God. Fuck!

Oh! It's hot!

It's hot!

It's so fucking hot!

How about the next meals on the house as well?

I want a table with a plaque.

Mark Dior.

Who the hell is that? Why does he get a plaque?

I don't know much about the restaurant business.

I get an idea, though.

People come in, they spend a great deal of money, so a renowned chef can serve

them overpriced food, not set fire to their face.

I'm not... Get out!

Out of my restaurant!

Every meal, you change your mind. You order your steak hot and bitch about the

blood. You make noise. And then the plaque, I wouldn't dedicate the fucking

dumpster to you.

See that door?

Out. For life.

I don't ever want to see your gush -on face ever.

I would like to cancel my lapereau.

I want a plaque, Barry. Is that too much to ask for? I'm an important person.

I'm standing outside like an asshole.

And I'm starving. I'm hungry. I'm going to starve to death. Why don't we call it

a night? No, no, no. The man's hungry. He should eat.

That's our motto at the shelter.

At present, we house 100 men a night. The new wing would triple that.

Francis, come on up here for a second. I want you to meet someone.

Mr. Balmoth Elkirk.

Francis has been with us seven years, 15 on the street.

You going in to challenge?

Challenge? Yes, he is.

This chump won't last an hour.

What did you say to me?

You'd be crying in your blankie out there a long way from home.

At least I have a home.

This is the most honest thing I've eaten in years.

It's simple.

It's forthright. And it's served without any pretentious bullshit.

It's delicious, Stan.

Nose for nose, this would wipe the floor with Papa Claude's over -brought shit.

Let's do a cook -off.

A cook -off.

Stan versus Papa Claude. Mike, no.

Could serve better fucking food than any crisp frog shit.

How much do you need for that thing you want?

A million dollars. How much are we in for already?

$450 ,000 and you spend the night on the streets.

Your boy Stan wins.

We're in for that million.

Shake his hand, Father. Shake it right now.

Bless you, Mr. Selker.

That's what we're going to do.

You get the same ingredients, same amount of time. Then we'll see who

That's a great idea.

Barry, he's got to lose.

It'll crush him.

Make it happen.

What's that night on the street he keeps talking about?

You get a jacket and a quarter and you spend a night on the street with the

homeless. What's that?

With hobos.

You have to buy it.

You beat this guy, Stan, Mike never ever eats here again. We drop the pending

lawsuit, you are free and clear of us. We'd be willing to sign a restraining

order distancing him by law from within 100 feet of your premises.

If Stan kicks your ass, Mike gets a permanent table with a plaque.

We'd also be willing to make a considerable donation to a charity of

choice. I don't support any charities.

Something close to your heart.

Okay, here's the deal.

The judges are you, Reg, and the Padre. Seems the turnout for this cock -freeze

was kind of low.

So counting on the priest to pick out his own stew, who cares what La Malin

for, right? As long as you pick stands, it's two to one already.

I don't want to do this.

This homeless thing on the street, I don't want to do it. Mike, I've got to

out. No, it's going to be fine. I've got to get out.

I have to get out of it.

Good luck, Michael.

May the best man win.

This is not a competition, Michael.

The only people winning here are the economically disadvantaged.

I want that fucker's plaque.

Okay, pay attention.

I'm slipping fennel into Papa Claude's slop. You hate fennel, right? Everybody

hates fennel. Exactly. So just pick the one you don't hate. Simple, right?

Right, right. Don't hate. You got it? Got it. All right, here's something to

keep your balls warm.

Each participant...

We'll be allowed only one quarter to survive on.

Mr. Lemming?

Mr. Selkirk.

We thank you for doing this. Don't spend that quarter.

Keep it for a phone call in case something happens. Promise.

I won't promise. I've got great survival skills.

Let's have a round of applause.

Howdy.

Nice night.

Shit.

What are you?

Trapping rats, Selkirk.

The only thing I seem to be trapping, Francis, is your mom's beaver.

Which is why this coat is silver and roomy.

That'll be $335 .25.

Oh, wait, wait.

I gotta change.

I feel like a real fucking wino. This is the life. People spend their fortune to

go up in the fucking woods to basically get this.

Friends, fire, this crazy motherfucker.

This is wildlife.

Slide it in.

Slide it in. Wrap it.

Now, you see, now it's watertight.

So the secret is to use many small pieces of cardboard rather than one big

Think of them as shingles on a roof.

Shingles, yes, shingles. I can understand the alcoholism and the drug

What's with the hygiene, really? Huh?

There's public toilets. You just maybe scrub each other. There's enough of you.

Huh? You don't just get some dish liquid? What do these people give you,

dish liquid? Stand out in the rain and get some of this shit off you?

Your odor was quite questionable about an hour ago.

But now that I respect you, you, my friend, have an aroma.

Like an old book.

That's it, yes. And then...

Check down there.

Dip. And now, gentlemen, that's about $5 worth of gold right there.

I never really want to leave here now.

But who's throwing who? I got to get out of here. I do.

Do cabs come into this neighborhood at all?

Shit!

Come on! Follow me!

Take that!

It's okay, you're one of us now.

Where the fuck are we?

Hey, who's a knock?

It's okay, he's cool.

He looks like a fucking knock to me.

Give him one of the bottles, Mikey.

Hello.

I'm Michael Velmont Selkirk.

Here.

Thanks for having us.

Do I look like some more fucking connoisseur?

If you ain't a knock...

Take a hit, Serpico.

Oh, no.

I don't... Suck it!

Suck it! Suck it! Suck it! Suck it! That's right.

Hold it. Hold it. Don't spit it out. Don't spit it, bitch.

Tomorrow night, the fennel goes in your stew, right? Leave Papa Claude out of

it. But everyone hates fennel. Precisely.

If I lose, does Father Connor still get the million dollars?

Listen.

$450 ,000. Last time I checked, bought a lot of roofs over your heads. All

right? I mean, beggars can't be... I don't know.

You're taking the fall on this one, big guy.

Nipples the size of DVDs.

Hmm? Hmm?

This is some strong shit.

How would I know? The manners.

Here.

Buy some more.

You got a pipe?

You don't want to share with these deadbeats.

Buy a pipe.

Hey, what's with that rainy face?

Turn that round upside down. Did somebody cancel Christmas?

How much for a round? For all my friends.

$435.

Who wants a rock?

Come on, you want a rock?

I want a rockless rock.

That's my bitch.

Get your rock. I'll grab it.

What is it, skinheads?

Freak rock.

I'm worried about Mike.

You know, I just...

I have a bad feeling about this. Oh, he'll be fine.

He's got plenty of resources.

Well, that's the thing. He doesn't have any... What did you do?

Nothing. You gave him something. I... no. Did you give him money?

How much did you give him?

I... Five hundred?

Yes. A thousand?

Yes. Two thousand? Three thousand? What, ten thousand? I would not give him that

much money. That would be just foolishness.

Nice.

What? Get the limo.

He's dead.

Do you have signing authority?

Yeah.

Got any more?

Manny!

I was wondering if I could...

I'd trouble you for a few more rocks.

The problem is, I'm having a bit of a cash flow problem right now.

What? You think I'm giving this shit away?

No, no.

I was hoping more of a reward system for a valued customer, someone that's

brought many, many people in here within the last few hours.

Get the fuck out of my face before we get fuck -faced.

Oh, so you don't understand the concept of credit, or you just don't agree with

it?

I give you ten rocks for your coat, Jeeves. This is Russian Fox.

Oh, shit! You're crazy, my nigga!

Yo, get the fuck out of my house! You bitch! That's my coat!

You

see anything?

No, I don't.

There he is.

Hey, Buffen.

Hey, Buffen.

What? Oh, my God, there he is, Mike.

Hey, I'm very happy, Buffen.

Did you get a buck?

Mike!

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine. Okay, okay.

I'm fine. Okay, okay. All right, all right.

I need to use your phone. What?

Did you get raped?

Barry. I need to use your phone. Why? Mike, remember the... plaque. We have to

get back to the shelter. I need to phone my daughter. All right, what's the

number? I have to dial it. Tell me the number. I have to dial it. Let me phone

my daughter!

Get in the back of the car.

I've never seen a move like that before.

One gram of salt, onions of various sizes, potatoes from underground.

Carrots that have never met.

But tonight they come together.

Yes, tonight they're in communion with my man and my other man. Putting their

things in the frying pan. In here, here, here, and here.

Give me three more rocks for it. It's going to get whacked again, son.

This phone is worth over $800.

Uh -uh, honky.

The only thing worth $800 is $800.

Is this the kind of customer satisfaction I'm entitled to? I brought

the fucking poorhouse last night. I've never seen anything like this. I've

traveled. Paris, Rome.

None of this crap.

None of this crap.

My God, man. How do you stay in business?

Shit, man.

Take five more rocks.

Good, sure. We'll never come back. Sure, sure, sure.

Now promise me you ain't going to come back. Sure, sure, sure.

Say it, man. Say it. Say it.

I won't come back.

I ain't open for you no more, bitch.

Father Connor, why don't we start with you? A little round of applause for

Father Connor.

Father Connor's tasted the first stew.

He's going with the left, ladies and gentlemen, which is Stan.

Again, he chooses the left, and that is Papa Clo.

That's one mark for the bourgeoisie. Has anyone seen Michael?

Cynthia,

could you please take his place?

Thank you.

He's here.

Come on up, Mike.

Two, Michael.

Maybe try this one first. Yeah.

Mm.

Try and remember.

Yes.

Yay!

With a second.

Yes. Yes.

That one right there.

Which one did you like better?

The moment of truth, ladies and gentlemen. It all comes down to Mike's

Okay, Michael.

This is the moment we've all been waiting for, ladies and gentlemen.

He's made a choice, ladies and gentlemen.

Who's it going to be?

Michael?

I give Mike a blood test and sing like a canary.

Great. Do you need a publicist?

$450 ,000. I am fucking serious, Barry.

This is blackmail.

Your man there thinks the beef stew is Janis Joplin right now. He's wasted.

I'm going to rake his name through the mud like you've never seen, and you're

never going to recover, pal. You got it?

Thank you for coming. As some of you may know, we were going to establish one of

these for all the donators to our new wing. But thanks to the extreme kindness

of the R .J. Selkirk Foundation, we find we need only one name on our thank you

wall. Michael, you are welcome here for dinner any time. Thank you.