Original subtitles

"Go through the forest, it's easier," he says.

Well, damn.

It has magic.

Well.

God damn it.

Fuck.

No.

Wait.

- On the countertop. - Yes.

- What's up, dude? - How are you?

- Great, and you? - Fine. Come in.

This is exactly the same.

Have you seen?

Vero.

- Hello. - Hello.

The famous Pedro is here finally.

How are you?

- Fine, and you? - Fine.

He went "Pedro this, Pedro that, my cousin is the best."

Obviously.

I hope not to disappoint you.

Martu was disappointed...

when she found out she had no chances with you.

Don't worry.

Well.

Good trip?

Yes, I slept the whole time.

Fine.

I'll go get a pen.

- Welcome. - Thanks.

Has the uncle given you the keys to the room?

Yes, they are in the bag, I'll give it to you later.

Come, let's have a drink.

- Coke or what? - Fine.

Yes?

Table tennis.

- I'll defeat you. - We'll see.

That's Maxi,

Lucas's friend, I told you he was coming.

He was in the club, remember?

When you told me about some Maxi...

I didn't know it was him, but we went to summer camp.

I think he is my age.

Yes, he is crazy, but he's good.

Where's Lula?

Upstairs, with a friend, Martu, do you know her?

Your friend told me she has no chances with me.

Right.

And Lucas is upstairs, lying in bed, maybe.

By the way, how do we sleep?

It's complicated...

so I am with Lula in my parents' room...

the girls in Ana's room...

and you in the room we stayed in last time...

with Lucas and with this...

Maxi.

Really?

Shall we?

Use that one, because...

I need the lamp to read.

- Sure? - Yes.

This and this.

I'll use a T-shirt with this one...

or you'll be itchy all night.

And this?

Such an idiot, I didn't see it.

My backpack was covering it.

I can't sleep without a pillow.

Thanks.

Are you staying...

for the holidays or longer?

Yes, that's the idea.

Fine.

I sleep with my short and shirt on...

so don't worry.

Right.

THE ASTRONAUT LOVERS

Can I sit there?

Of course.

It's nice, isn't it?

Yes, it's great.

Do you remember me?

Yes, from our childhood.

I do, too.

So you are gay now.

Yes.

What?

Nothing, the question.

Sorry, I have no filter.

You don't look gay, anyway.

Maybe, I don't know.

Such a silly comment.

That stuff about looking gay...

I mean...

If I were an astronaut you wouldn't ask that.

I wouldn't ask that.

...because you look like one.

It's that...

my girlfriend, well...

I had a girlfriend...

and she always told me I looked gay.

I got really angry.

It infuriated me.

Up, stand.

- Stand? - Stand.

But...

To make it stand up I have to touch it...

and if I do it in front of you...

my girlfriend would be right.

Former girlfriend.

Stand up so I can see what your girl saw.

If you smoke light that you look a little gay.

Do you know the...

the paradox of Pinocchio saying his nose will grow?

A paradox is something impossible.

Right, for example,

what happens if...

an unstoppable force hits an unmovable object?

Right.

Pinocchio's paradox...

is with his nose but I explain it with a dick.

Listen, only if I lie...

my dick grows, right?

Yes.

If I say...

"the moon is a square."

It will grow because the moon is...

- Round. - Right.

So, according to that law I say...

"my dick will grow."

Right.

What'd happen?

My dick will grow.

Let's see.

If you lie, it grows.

Let's say it's a lie.

It grows.

It wouldn't be a lie because it grew.

Exactly.

That's the paradox.

It's like an oxymoron, there's a contradiction.

I love that stuff.

My nose will grow.

Well...

your girlfriend said you could be gay.

I haven't seen you in ten years...

and you know I'm gay.

And you make me think in your hard dick.

I don't know, but you look like a Martian.

Maybe.

I'm a bit of a Martian.

How do you call these?

Ladybird.

Appropriate.

This dinosaur.

Weird.

Let me see.

Can I see?

Can I keep one?

Yes, of course.

- I have noticed them. - Pick one.

Four years, from 10 to 14.

- Ok. - Yes.

I thought you were born here and then went to Spain.

No, I was born in Madrid, my mother is Spanish...

and my father is Argentinean.

He went there, met my mother,

they had me,

and we returned here when I was 10.

And you didn't keep the B.A. accent?

A little, but they harassed me at school so I changed it.

Four years isn't enough.

Did you go-?

Your turn.

- Mine? - Yes.

- Against? - The loser.

Good luck.

We have to pick the movies.

- Not me. - Not me.

Maxi.

No, guys, don't.

You know him, he is a dick.

He loves you, he wants to fuck you.

- Where's Pedro? - In the bathroom.

Tell him to go.

Tell him the guy is hot and he'll go.

I'll go, I lost.

Imagine Pedro there...

Spanish, "Do you have Sex, Lies and Videotapes?"

The wanker talking.

You go to shops with hot women.

Just a coincidence.

And you?

You ask the life guard about the flags.

Come on.

She forgets the meaning every year.

Two things.

Can you help me?

Help you pee?

No, if we can go to the video store.

Video store?

To the past? Nothing changed since I left.

No, in the center, there's a book shop...

that rents movies, we have no wi-fi here.

The owner makes me uncomfortable,

he is heavy...

Why did you stop talking?

- Nothing. - Nothing.

Just that, if I go with you, maybe-

You are uncomfortable.

Because he is a dick.

Or because he wants to suck your dick?

Yes, that.

I couldn't say it.

You couldn't?

You have faggot, nancy, pancy,

fairy, a thousand words.

Poofter, queen, and my favorite, crab.

Crab?

It walks backwards.

What did Juan say?

He said "Duro de Matar"...

and the girls said "Big".

Duro de Matar?

With Bruce Willis, Nakatomi Plaza,

Severus from Harry Potter.

Jungla de Cristal.

Jungla de Cristal?

You are worse than us with names.

I love this movie.

What's your favorite? A classic one.

Blade Runner.

Nice choice.

Mine is...

True Romance.

True Romance?

Amor a Quemarropa.

Screenplay by Tarantino, sister movies.

Brothers.

No, the directors are brothers, the movies are sisters.

What do you mean?

Watch them together.

Like playing Alice and Dark Side of the Moon?

Not that much,

play them and you'll see...

I don't know...

I can't explain, but they are sisters.

Some things can't be explained.

Like when you don't lie, it shouldn't go hard...

but it happens anyway.

Exactly.

I'm Pinocchio, my big nose will grow.

Big nose?

Seems like a lie.

You'll see it one day, but yes...

I tend to exaggerate.

One day you can give me a hand.

Or two.

What movie are you looking for?

"Edward Scissorhands." I'll grab yours nice then.

Shut up.

Why cutting the only thing that suits me?

"Man on the Moon," Milos Forman.

Everything suits.

You must get to it.

What about Pedro? Nice, isn't he?

Yes, a genius.

You know...

when Juan said he was coming...

my inner Neardenthal appeared.

Neanderthal.

- What did I say? - Neardenthal.

It's Neanderthal.

Nothing to do with teeth.

Well...

the inner Neanderthal appeared.

I thought it was weird, but I was paranoid.

What can he do? Stare at my ass?

My underwear?

- That underwear? - Yes.

You hairy ass.

Hairy, isn't it?

You aren't the first to tell me that.

And I won't be the last.

I thought of removing it...

I have a lot of hair, from neck to ass...

constant hair.

Someone might like that.

I don't know.

Well, about Pedro...

Being next to you...

I'm invisible, just like with girls.

So, he has your ass to stare at, if he wants.

I'm not worried.

What was that?

What? How do they call my ass?

How we call your ass.

Big Brother's house.

Why?

Many wanted to go in to see how it feels.

His knee vibrated.

Weird.

Weird, but also scary.

Yes.

No way.

Pedro, do you want to come?

- With us. - Where?

We'll go to Pinamar, to buy clothes, lunch...

and enjoy the beach.

The beach?

Yes, I didn't buy a new swimsuit...

so it can be seen by a man who walks lonely towns.

Maxi was asleep...

he was watching TV all night so he won't come.

Yes, I prefer to go to the beach here.

Shall we?

Wait until I finish my coffee.

Sorry, love, I thought you were ready.

Vero?

She slept at a friend's. We'll pick her up.

Don't you want to come?

No, another day.

Come on, Lu, hurry up.

Well, wait.

Busy morning.

See you.

Bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

You have a nice body.

You used to be skinny.

Now you see it?

Finally awake?

Yes.

Or am I dreaming?

What do you do?

About what?

With your body.

Sports?

Nothing.

And you?

What?

Do you like my body?

- No. - Don't lie.

Why?

I don't know...

you like boys.

Not all of them.

Do you like me?

- No. - Liar.

No.

I don't focus on bodies...

but yours is nice.

No? What do you focus on?

The size of the dick, pull it out and we'll see.

Anyway...

better that way, there's no tension.

I can play hard.

I can grab a beer without you staring at my ass.

Well, I'm sure you've done it.

Lucas says I have...

That my ass is like an albino penguin.

You can't help but stare.

Well.

It's what I got.

- And you? - I did stare at yours.

Sports, I mean.

A bit of everything.

Martial arts, running, gym.

I...

I have a lot of energy.

And problems with handling it.

I need to vent it.

Lingerie catalog.

What?

Lucas says it looks like a lingerie catalog.

Why?

Because men also look at it.

Dude, the dick and the ass.

You know how they call my balls?

How?

Kittens.

Everyone wants to stroke them.

Well.

When I go to a gay disco...

some guy approaches and says...

"You aren't an astronaut, are you?"

And I say "dude, I am an astronaut."

And I think "this asshole,

why else would I be here than for docking?"

To start the rocket engine.

You don't look gay at first sight.

We should see about your girlfriend.

What?

She said you looked gay.

We must find out why.

And we have to know how you are in bed...

that's the key.

Right, you tell me once we go to bed.

Once we go to bed?

If we do it, it's done.

I picture us in space...

my milky way in your face, and I saying...

"I don't know if you are an astronaut."

You asshole.

Yes, asshole.

But you mentioned bed knowing I'm an astronaut.

No astronaut would reject seeing the stars.

Least of all in this super-rocket.

Super-rocket?

I need a translator, I'm lost.

I know faggot is astronaut...

but I don't know if super-rocket

is your truck, you, or your dick.

We should do research.

This one.

Got it. Perfect.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

Let's go.

Google.

Super-rocket.

Noun, singular. Listen.

Firework made of a hard tube with powder...

attached to...

two fire balls...

resulting in an explosion under high pressure...

or friction launching...

Launching a fierce ejaculation

of fireworks.

Dude, it wasn't the truck...

it was clearly your dick.

I thought you were saying the rocket was the truck...

an innocent remark.

I'm fine knowing you want me to sit in your artifact.

Fucker.

That's hit and run.

Well...

let he who is without sin.

You are without fish.

You say you like fish, I'd say you prefer eel.

You idiot.

Bond, true.

Bond.

Right, verb.

To establish a bond, as between two friends.

Friends, it doesn't say fucking.

But there's more.

Bond, verb.

To hold or be held together, bind, connect...

as by a rope or an adhesive.

That's close.

A little.

Like, if I said, you have to bond me...

before knowing if I am gay.

Right.

And I behind you saying "sorry, you may be a bit gay."

Idiot.

To fuck me, you'll have to bond.

The second one, tying me up.

No.

I could never tie anyone against their will.

No, I couldn't either.

I don't change others' orbits.

Ours is an impossible love, what can we do?

We can be best friends forever, I force no one into my rocket...

you force no one into yours.

Which one of us is crazier?

I'd say...

neck and neck.

I mean this neck.

For this one, I need beer.

Am I playing hard too much?

Shut up. No.

Play hard, it makes me laugh.

Fine, better that way.

What's that?

With beer he lets others suck his dick.

It works.

It's not that part where it gets stuck...

it's when they fish.

It works here.

Right, 200 movies worked, this one didn't.

It must be the movie, not the player.

It's perfect here, it must be your player.

Do you think I don't want to pay?

There's no difference if I pay or don't.

We rent movies all the time.

Relax, it's a movie. It's ok.

We'll take these ones.

Thanks.

Easy.

God.

Such an asshole.

I mean, I'm the client, I'm right.

If you treat me right, I come back. Easy.

He thought we were dating, it kills him.

Why did he think that?

Well, I told him...

"My partner is choosing, he'll bring the rest."

Your partner?

At table tennis.

Did I lie?

It kills him, I'm with an Adonis and he's my boyfriend.

I'd have wanted

to go back at night

and break that asshole's windows.

It's over, done.

He is an asshole.

I know, I know.

When I was a kid, I broke everything.

- Yes? - Yes.

Therapy, obviously.

Now I've calmed down.

Breaking stuff relaxes me.

Don't worry...

I won't break your ass, I love you.

Besides, I don't have an Apollo 20...

I have an Apollo 15, 16, maybe 17.

As a friend says...

the ass has no gender.

With a little perseverance, maybe.

It's a question of persevering.

Persevering, my friend.

The first day we met you told me...

"I'm gonna love you."

No, I said "I'm gonna lone, you."

I'm serious...

What if you end up falling in love with me?

I'll break your heart.

It's a joke, idiot.

Asshole.

Don't listen to me, I speak nonsense.

Besides, as if everyone fell for him.

I'm sure everyone falls and so you joke about it.

No.

They just want me for a space flight...

and I'm left alone in Mars.

Like Marvin.

I know how this ends.

How?

You fall for me, mi dick in your ass,

I break your heart, and you break my face.

No, I could never.

Fall for another guy?

No, breaking your face.

I'm in love with you, I can't accept it so...

I make jokes.

We better not break anything.

Right.

Deal.

Is your dick that big that it'll break my ass?

Mega-rocket.

My ass closed, I killed an ant.

Don't worry, it's elastic, nothing breaks.

Nothing breaks, everything's transformed.

It's true.

The size of my turds after eating so much meat...

and yet...

no problem.

All-terrain ass.

Four by four.

In four by four.

How's Anxioustin Timberlake?

Relaxed?

Yes, better.

Did you know...

53 years have passed since the first Argentinean...

was almost in space?

A monkey.

Then he lived two more years in Cordoba.

You get worse and worse.

- More and more idiot. - It's a fact.

Shall I turn?

Why?

So you don't worry.

I'm not ashamed.

Not at all?

No.

Show me your alleged missile.

You'll be disappointed.

Asleep like this is not that big.

Come on.

Nice dick.

If you see mine you'll faint.

Is it that nice?

Yes.

A beautiful missile.

I won't show it or you'll fall in love.

I won't fell just because you show me your dick.

Not for me, for my dick.

Really.

My girls were more in love with my dick than with me.

Another day, if it looks better, like in the morning,

I'll show it.

You don't have the balls.

Yes, I have. Pretty big ones.

You have no balls to show me your hard dick.

We'll see.

Maxi.

- What's up? - How are you?

Fine.

- Hello. - Hi, hello.

- What's up? - How are you?

- Sabrina. - Pedro.

- Everything ok? - Fine.

Did you know the place? Like it?

Yes, I lived in Buenos Aires from 10 to 14.

I'm half Argetinean, my mother is Spanish...

but my father is Argentinean.

So you know it.

Yes, in fact, we lived in the same hood,

we went to summer camp.

Crazy.

Crazy finding him when old.

Yes.

He was ugly as a kid.

Now he is more beautiful.

You're bad.

Bad.

I was leaving.

Well.

But I'll write.

- Ok, we'll speak. - Ok.

- Thanks. - Bye.

Bye.

She is my ex, Sabrina.

I was going to bump into her for sure.

Why did you kiss me?

She asked about you, she knows my friends.

So?

You'll laugh, but I told her you were my boyfriend.

Your boyfriend?

Yes, I am on holidays with my boyfriend.

Did she buy it?

She pretended she did, but I don't think so.

Why did you say that?

I don't know, it just happened...

because I didn't want to look straight like before...

and maybe if I said that I could see her again.

Do you still like her?

Yes.

What were you saying?

Nothing.

That we broke up because I was close-minded...

and added to my problem in my head...

made us grow apart.

But that was the kick-off.

She told me that...

if I was too afraid of doing a threesome...

was probably because I was afraid of falling for him.

Not a bad theory.

It's weird...

that two girlfriends thought you are a bit gay.

Right.

Maybe I have a certain percentage.

You saw my dick but didn't grab it.

But I'm a romantic...

I don't dive right in a dick.

Romantic or not, you don't dive in dicks.

You dive in the back.

I'm telling this to prevent a tear.

If you want, we can have sword fights...

but to enter my universe, use the black hole.

What do we do then?

About what?

About Sabrina.

Aer you in? Would you come to the party and that?

It'll cost you a lot.

I'll bend the knee.

You asshole.

Yes?

How much longer?

Come in.

I'm having a bath, I've just got in.

I'm shitting myself, but I can wait.

Take a dump, it's ok.

- Sure? - Yes.

Sorry.

Martina is having a bath, someone clogged the other one.

Shit has a bad reputation.

I'll close it, don't peek.

The capsule is ready to be expelled

from the mother ship.

It's moved on the belt.

The door opens and it's launched into space.

If I laugh I can't take a dump.

Pedro...

if we fucked, if I were gay...

and we were a couple...

what would you prefer?

Fucking a guy doesn't make you gay.

What?

There are porn actors who fucked guys and aren't gay.

There are gays who die without touching a dick.

What makes you gay, then?

Desire.

And love, I guess.

What's that smell?

You didn't answer, what do you like?

Well, taste depends on...

Sometimes I like being the astronaut

who discovers the planet and puts the flag.

And sometimes I like being the planet.

It depends...

on the astronaut...

and the planet.

You have a nice planet, round.

I don't know.

You rant about "you want my dick, you want it."

And you want to enter this ass so much I can't believe it.

I'm a bit scared.

Well...

that's gravity,

the closer the bodies, the more they attract.

The gravity is the naturalness you accept

you want to eat me.

Now I'm wiping my ass, don't peek, I have a limit.

I haven't peeked, why do it now?

What do you think of me?

Some risk going blind in order to see the sun.

It'll be cold, grab a jacket.

Right.

Is this one right?

Yes.

Shouldn't I look more gay?

More gay than holding my hand?

So we'll hold hands.

I'm joking, asshole.

It's offensive to dress up to look more gay.

You are right, sorry.

We are a 50 years marriage.

Can I use your cologne?

Yes, there are three.

The blue one is Lucas's, the others are mine...

but don't use the transparent.

It's yours, I shouldn't use it.

And this one?

What's wrong?

I fall for the user.

So I'll use it.

Your T-shirt is inside out.

Really, what's wrong?

It smells nice, I lose my head.

It doesn't matter, use it, we'll take the risk.

You are at risk even if I had shit in my neck.

You only had shit on my dick.

Disgusting.

Shit is the first present a kid gives his mother.

What?

When a baby is born, at that moment...

well, later, it has to shit.

That shit is a gift.

Many mothers don't know it, but it's a present.

Imagine the kid doesn't shit, it's a tragedy.

A problem.

Something's wrong.

That shit is the gift of health.

That's why they say it's bad reputation.

Shit is health, it's a circle.

Where did you hear that?

An Italian artist put his shit in a can.

- In a can? - Yes.

- Like canned food. - Like sardine.

He put his shit in a can.

And he wanted people to make people think.

Maybe he was just selling cans with shit...

to thousands of assholes.

The limit of art is confusing and people buy shit in cans.

Whatever, he is a genius.

Artist shit in a can.

Motherfucker.

I'm nervous.

Asshole.

It's not easy to leave the closet.

Shall we hold hands?

It's not necessary.

Sure?

It looks like we have no balls.

We are gays with no balls.

Come on.

What?

Now I'm nervous.

Relax, love, everything will be fine.

We are together.

Come on, asshole.

My God.

Hello.

Hi.

How are you?

What's up?

How are you?

And you? Hello.

How are you?

Put them there, we'll freeze them later.

It's full now.

And? Many people?

There's people.

It's early, anyway.

Nice you came.

Of course.

By foot?

No.

In my truck.

Why the truck? It's half an hour walking.

Exactly.

There are police controls on the way back.

I don't let him drink, or he goes idiot.

If he drinks, he goes straight.

He's left me for a girl, he comes and goes.

It happened to me.

He drank and he turned gay.

Well. Stop there.

- Alcohol does wonders. - Yes.

Assuming he's gay, being so neurotic...

must have costed him a lot.

Listen, I leave you here, I'll make other friends...

more relaxed.

Come, pussy, you turned so faggot.

I'll go to the bathroom.

Right.

I'll be around.

Damned girl.

She's right, anyway.

You know...

my grandfather was an alcoholic...

and a psychologist once told him...

"You must know there are three people in the house...

you, your wife, and the monster."

Our case is similar.

"There are three people in the house...

you, Sabrina, and the monstress."

That's hard, man.

Two whiskeys and he's already sissy.

You're insane.

How did you guys meet?

Here, I...

wasn't gay before knwoing him...

or at least I didn't know it.

We were friends for a long time...

and one day, I don't remember why...

I was crying and he came, hugged me...

face to face, two gentleman striking swords...

what happened was so direct.

I remember I was crying and I told him...

"I think I like you.

That I've always liked you.

Since you saw me from the balcony."

So cute.

Did you meet in this beach?

Yes, last year...

we were friends for a few months...

and finally we made it official...

because the pressure cookers were about to go off.

So much blood pressure.

That's disgusting, Maxi.

That's why you like me.

Look at that smile.

Isn't it the cutest thing you've ever seen?

I'd kiss you.

It's not necessary.

Why not? It's always necessary.

I'm embarrassed.

I won't kiss him because he's embarrassed.

You shouldn't be.

No...

Maybe someone can feel uncomfortable.

Fuck'em.

It's not about people...

I'd rather keep it for ourselves.

Right.

Girls, Mini wants to leave.

- Why? - No idea.

Bye guys.

- Bye. - Goodbye.

- What's that? - Chicken.

Chicken.

You're lucky I was here, they were flirting.

I'm hotter than you.

There was no paper.

Do you want to poo?

I wipe when I pee.

I do, too.

- Really? - Yes.

My father taught me.

Are you ok?

Yes.

Right.

Am I so disgusting you didn't kiss me?

Yes, dude, it's a little disgusting.

Really?

Yes, one thing is to play, another is to make it happen.

What?

Are you that naive?

It's just a kiss, look.

No, I mean in the mouth.

Besides, some people find it disgusting.

Not for me, it's a kiss.

Better that way.

Well, now...

kiss me.

- What? - Kiss me.

We are acting, kiss me.

- Maxi. - What?

What for?

We are acting, pretending we are a couple.

What if...

people realize or it's weird.

Then we'll find out.

I have no bad breath.

- A sip. - Here.

So...

taste my saliva.

Why?

Didn't you want to kiss me? It's fine. Come on.

That's actually disgusting.

Let me taste yours.

- What? - Come on.

- Sure? - Yes, come on.

Enough, Maxi.

- What? - Nothing.

- What? - Nothing.

I'm an astronaut, my rocket is starting engines.

Your dick is hard.

Dude, you were licking my finger.

You were licking it.

Fine, relax, it happens.

How's your friend?

Still drunk, want to touch it?

No, I believe you.

Is it decreasing?

No, I can't explain now.

It will take time.

You are so horny.

It's not about being horny, you were licking my finger.

So? My dick doesn't go hard if you lick my finger.

It goes hard if you lick my dick.

It's skin, a sexual moment, not related to being gay.

If you weren't disgusted...

I'll show you it won't go hard.

I wasn't disgusted, it would just end badly.

Let's bet.

How can I know it's not hard?

Grab it and check it.

Let's bet.

You are insane, whatever I want?

I'm serious.

If my dick goes hard, do whatever you want.

If you want the ass, be patient, it's closed.

Patience, closed.

Let's bet then.

- Give me your hand. - I already accepted.

Yes, but I have to lick the hand.

Is it hard?

No.

I'm seeing it.

I'm done, what's your choice?

I'll save it for later.

No, it must be redeemed now.

Who said that?

Don't be a pussy, when will you use it?

Let me think.

So?

Is it relaxed now?

Yes, it's dead.

Here too, dead, dead.

What's up?

Nothing, it's fine.

Hey...

if you want to try fucking...

I have no problem...

we can try.

You were already looking for condoms.

Idiot.

You know?

You are an asshole, I'll choose my prize.

So?

Let me think.

Not that.

Right.

You'll go in...

and you'll tell everyone we are a couple.

And you'll keep lying for three days.

No, it's a mess.

It's my choice.

Right, I'll do it.

Deal.

What's up?

Hello.

- How are you? - Good morning.

How was it?

Really good, nice.

Just wasting time.

We had a great time.

Did you bring food?

Pastries, something.

We forgot.

I have to announce something.

No, really.

With Pedro...

I won't say a couple, but we are closer.

It was obvious, we talked about that.

Yes, you stuck together like gum.

You are so cute, I love you.

That's weird, I'm straight.

No, technically not, I guess you were together...

naked in the beach, in the truck.

We are grown people.

We did stuff, but not all the way.

We don't want details.

I'm surprised you aren't surprised.

I'm so straight I thought you'd say...

No one is straight. Well, we all are...

until we are not.

We are all bisexual.

We talked about that yesterday.

We all have the potential, we reached that conclusion.

My little faggot.

It's not that, I can turn gay now...

Some people have a greater tendency.

Imprisoned people.

Years and years eating horse meat, and-

Hey, mind your words.

Back to eating siren meat.

Such a poet.

I could have chosen another fish.

That's your way to explain it?

I don't know.

There are foods you like better than others.

- Better? - Yes.

Well, we have to change rooms.

It's not necessary.

No, it is, I'll leave that room...

I'll let you be, I don't want to be there.

You must have done something while I was sleeping.

We did nothing.

Sometime enters my dreams, I heard something.

It's your subconscious, we did nothing.

I know you, Maxi, you're cheeky.

Well, it wasn't saliva what you found in the pillow.

Ugh, stop.

It was semen.

I got it.

My God.

- Shall we? - Ok.

- There, a little closer. - Closer.

- Fine? - Yes.

The yellow and blue is big, use that one.

I... let's see.

It's not that dirty.

Well, I'll take them.

These are mine, these too.

Well, I leave you. What's that?

There.

Well.

Ready.

You have a no-tell motel here.

A what?

No-tell motel, explain him.

A motel for couples.

A what?

A place you go to fuck.

You rent it.

Stay overnight.

Quiet, quiet.

Anyway...

it was your bet...

you could stop it whenever you want.

I know.

I didn't think it would be so messy.

You know.

What do we say in three days?

I feel like the Little Mermaid.

I can't talk, I have a crab friend...

if I fall in love I lose my tail.

You're an asshole, I'm serious.

They will think we are two immature kids.

Let's say nothing, they won't come and check.

Right.

You are right...

they won't know what we do here.

It's just a summer love.

But what if we go partying?

You can't hook up with girls.

And I with a boy.

What?

Nothing.

- What's up? - Nothing.

You know, when I was a kid...

we played traffic lights, do you know it?

What's that?

It's a game with kisses and dares.

Like...

The bottle one.

Right, like that.

The dares were done in hiding...

in my friend's room.

I used to go there with Mili, my girl...

and when we were there I said "kiss my hand"...

just to pretend.

Yes.

One day she told me "no, kiss me for real".

That was my first kiss.

Just like us.

You say we do stuff...

but nothing happens in this room.

Are you waiting for me to say "let's go to bed"?

Like Mili.

Persevere.

No, you'll have to beg me.

I'm no horny little girl.

Asshole.

How do we sleep?

What do you mean?

How do we sleep?

Spoon. We take turns.

Right, naked or wearing underwear?

If you lay naked I'll eat your dick.

Laugh.

You know?

What?

This goes too fast for a romantic like me.

- A romantic? - An old romantic.

Like Snow White.

The Prince comes and says the dwarves...

"Under this sheet, is she naked or not?"

WE WENT TO THE LIGHTHOUSE

WE'LL GO BACK AT DUSK LULA

Pedro.

Come, please.

Yes.

It's late, we overslept.

That's my short.

My cousin gave it to me.

Do you use a soft toothbrush?

Yes, why?

Do you want to use a thick one?

Here, brat, your grandma is the pussy.

Didn't you want to see it hard?

Yes, spit that, but swallow mine.

Fucker, I have to sleep there.

Maxi.

I'm serious, how can you do that?

You said I promised but didn't do it...

well, I woke up happy.

We didn't sleep in the same bed then.

Yes, but you came here the other day.

Maybe that's why I woke up happy.

I'm serious.

I have to sleep here.

Like Alien.

Laugh, but I liked what I saw.

Obviously.

Not your dick, in general.

You didn't like my dick?

I didn't take a good glance.

I'm serious,

it's not the same knowing you have a dick

than realizing you have one.

Huge.

It sleeps at night...

but did I lie when I said it was a sublime beauty?

I couldn't see it.

What are you saying?

It's stuck in your eyes...

like when you stare at a light and it stays there.

I can't believe it.

Well, it's a dick, you've seen many.

Not that much.

In the Internet. I have, too.

Maxi, dude.

You were thinking about my dick, weren't you?

Of course.

I have the smell in the tip of my tongue.

It didn't smell.

Not a bad one, a good one over the bed.

Maybe it was from both of us when I lifted the sheets.

Maybe, involuntary ejaculation.

In the middle of the night, I almost hugged you.

Like...

I was half asleep and I feel your body...

and I tried to hug you like a girlfriend.

But I stopped in time.

Almost.

Don't worry, tonight I'll move the beds...

so you don't eat my pussy.

Asshole.

A weird pussy you have.

Super-developed clitoris...

ovaries like golf balls hanging out.

That got stuck in your eyes, too.

Not pussy at all for you?

Such a poet, like my cousin.

Not pussy for you.

By Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra.

You act so uptight...

from the creators of "I like poop"...

"I have the smell of your dick in my nose."

True.

And?

Have you had a girl?

Yes, I have.

How?

Like you, with my dick inside them.

Before being gay?

No, after.

A friend...

that played with me like you do...

but they subdued me and I can't with you.

I'm serious.

I'm serious, too.

How?

A friend who was into me and worked her way.

Joke after joke...

parties, bets, dares...

and we ended up fucking.

A genius.

I'm a bit jealous.

And...

did you let her?

Of course, I have nothing to lose.

I'm still gay.

No one thinks you stop being gay by fucking a girl.

Besides...

if I fell for her and we started a relationship...

I'd still be gay and people...

would think I'm gay deep inside.

True.

Your case is different.

If you fucked me...

people would immediately say...

you are gay and you've always been gay.

Even if you say you are straight.

And if we started dating...

no one would ever say...

"I think this guy is straight deep down."

That's true.

- Did you like it? - I loved it.

- You loved it? - Yes.

If you liked a little girl you'll love my big one.

Crazy you liked it.

In the end, it's the same.

It's not the same.

I'd say...

girls are...

are softer, like flowers.

Boys are more like trees, more rough, harder.

I'm a bit of a flower.

I'm soft, I have no hair.

It was a generalization.

Nothing is fixed, obviously...

in my experience...

girls are simply softer.

A shame you are so soft, I won't notice the difference.

Don't worry, I'll cover in sand.

I'm going to the water.

Really rough.

Do you think we all can be...

bisexual?

No, gays are the ones who least believe in that.

A straight man looks at you and he's gay.

A straight man gets horny and he's gay.

Or a straight man goes partying and goes crazy...

he's gay.

I believe nothing is fixed...

all of us can be bisexual as my cousin's girl says.

I also think there are many sharks.

Sharks?

Don't you know?

Shark, once in a while it eats a man.

And they are straight.

You...

could fuck me...

even fall in love with me...

and still be straight.

- Are you..? - Straight or bi.

You are tricking me.

This tender moment finishes tonight.

A kiss in the arm, it's just skin...

what's the difference...

between licking your arm or your dick?

When I least expect it...

I'll have it here.

Think what you like, I'm giving my opinion...

not trying to convince you.

- I know, it's a joke. - I know.

Technique of skin of the arm.

You have suck my finger...

tonight you'll suck my dick, focused, thinking in an arm...

and it's done.

Thinking it's a thumb.

Swollen.

A swollen thumb without bones.

With no bones?

With you it gets so hard you'll think there's a bone.

A femur.

Wait, listen.

Have you seen the start of A Space Odyssey?

- Yes. - Sorry.

Well, there...

a monkey grabs a femur and hits other bones.

That's true.

How are you so sure it's a femur?

It can be any other.

It's a femur, I know it.

You can't be that sure.

How is the skin of the arm like the one of the dick?

You haven't eaten any.

I'm not sure about that.

No, but it's a femur.

I've seen the movie too many times...

I loved Kubrick as a kid.

I'm sure.

You're so gay, dude.

Kids your age were watching cable...

trying to find boobs.

And you watching A Space Odyssey.

That's life.

Who would say I'd date an astronaut.

And you? What would you watch?

I...

opera videos.

What?

Yes, nothing strange.

Mozart.

It's the same.

Who would say...

you'd end up...?

The Magic Flute.

Yes.

You read my mind.

I'm still trying to play it.

Now you have to blow, Hamelin.

You can pervert any children's play.

It's like that.

I center everything in my dick.

It's called heterophallucentrism.

For example...

Hold my beauty as a beast.

Drive your sword in me, Merlin.

No, Merlin is the mage, Arturo takes it...

and he doesn't drive it, he takes it out.

Well, drive it, take it out, as if you didn't know.

Well, leave your tail, Little Mermaid.

It's your favorite, you've already said it.

There are more.

I want your powder, Tinkerbell.

That's great.

You have to take notes, we have to do a movie.

Closer to take out the Snow White.

You want my snow, dude.

Yes.

Wait, Sabri is looking, do something.

Look, each time someone gets closer...

your dick comes closer.

Don't you think that's gay?

I've doing it for a while and you complain now.

There's Dumbo for a while.

It's like Dumbo, it has big ears.

Big ears but short trunk.

It's not small, you idiot.

Come on, they must see something gay.

What's something gay?

A choreography of Mary Poppins?

I don't know.

Prepare some drinks and I'll hug you from behind.

You turn round.

You won't dare, come on.

Stand there, asshole.

If you are lucky...

if you rub the lamp the genie comes out.

I'd ask him to go to the past...

and rub your closet and we can skip the rigmarole.

I never had a closet.

Always drawers or dresser.

Maybe that's the reason...

I'm straight due to furniture reasons.

Your ass is hard.

Be careful, your dick may go hard.

That's the problem, it goes so hard.

Is the bread made of levain?

They do.

Mine goes hard a lot.

Maybe you leave it too much in the oven.

No, it goes hard even before cooking it.

He leaves it outside for too long.

We are looking for the right point.

- Thanks. - Thank you.

What's bread with levain?

- Come on. - What?

I've prepared two drinks.

I'll show something on my phone.

The levain bread...

is a technique that makes bread rise due to fermentation.

It's sometimes hard at first.

Do you like cooking?

Yes.

As an adult.

As a kid I felt...

a little gay.

Really.

I pretended I liked my dad's tools.

But I do like tools.

The drill?

Do you like it?

Dude...

you rub your dick when partying...

but then you go "No, dude, stop...

we are friends, I'm straight...

come back down to earth."

You are a fucking cocktease.

What?

Are you angry?

Yes.

Really?

This is not helping me.

I'm falling for you, please take me home.

Please.

You are an asshole.

Drill me as much as you want.

In here.

I have two jeans and two protections.

Two jeans with double underwear.

Have you seen your face?

Wait, why two jeans and double underwear?

Two plus two.

My jeans and your jeans, my underwear and yours.

I don't wear underwear.

Fucker.

I'm lying.

See this hold? I've been preparing it for long.

But it's true.

It's true.

It's not true.

I have, I wear.

The Sleeping Beauty is held tightly.

Let her be held there...

if it wakes up it's Gulliver.

It's not that big, you saw it.

I don't mean the size...

but because it stands up even if it's held tightly.

I have a dick, too, and I had to go...

with the bag over.

On the bus.

Not because I'm gay.

Anyway...

I got scared when you asked me...

to take you home.

Let's have a safe word.

Safe word?

Are you idiot?

Really, like people who choke others...

that kind of stuff.

Are you serious?

Yes.

Are you idiot?

No, really, we choose a safe word...

and if we get confused or feel it's weird...

we say it and we talk.

What should we talk about?

What? Are you high or what?

I want some of that stuff, Alice.

That may be, Alice.

No, not Alice.

A girl's word.

Scrotum.

Or glans.

Like that at least if it gets weird...

we'll laugh.

Alice.

- Sabrina. - It may work.

There comes Sabrina.

Everything ok?

Yes.

You can't stop laughing.

No.

Can I take him?

Yes, of course, he's all yours.

Yes, but listen.

What's your favorite Disney movie?

Critters.

Thanks.

That's it. Critters.

It's not a Disney movie.

It doesn't matter.

Such an asshole.

Asshole, you are so cunning.

And you?

Mr. Milky Way From my Dick.

Sabri told me she'll throw a party...

in her friend's house, near the forest.

A kilometer to the south.

Do you want to go?

I don't know, I told her I'd think about it.

I'm in.

You haven't drunk.

We leave the truck at home...

we steal some beers and go to the beach.

Deal.

What are you looking for?

My notebook.

Was it beer you needed?

At this point you can blow me with sparkling water.

Good to know it.

That's awesome.

Good morning.

Good morning.

It's two in the afternoon.

We went to bed late.

Hey...

what about this guy?

Are you careful?

Or are you going slowly?

What do you mean?

I mean... condomly.

Leave him be.

Yes, why?

No...

because... I went to... take some condoms...

from your bag...

I had none...

and...

and...

and I saw the condom packet unopened.

It's strange.

Please, leave him be.

We don't fuck.

It's a secret.

It's a bet, I mean, we are no couple.

I won a bet and it went out of control.

Are you kidding me?

Really?

I loved the couple.

- Did you? - Yes.

Why aren't together? It's possible.

How do you feel?

Aren't you putting too much energy...

in something that won't progress.

I don't care.

A little...

silly fiction.

We have a good time, that's all.

It's not a matter of life and death.

No friction.

Sorry, I don't understand.

Don't you like him?

Don't you get horny when he touches your leg?

Well, have condoms with you anyway.

You know what grandma used to say.

What did she say?

When you were 14 and were glued to Juanchi.

My cousin.

Grandma said...

Fighting games, asses broken.

Control the kids.

That's true, control the kids.

She devil.

I was this close to fucking him.

Disgusting.

Well, you fucked my friend when you were 14.

Well, she is a second cousin.

What?

It's different.

You haven't answered.

Do you like him or not?

You are asking that because you care about me.

I don't like him right now.

Of course, the danger, the adrenalin.

But we haven't even kissed.

Another living dead.

Hello.

- Hi. - Good morning.

And the others?

In the center.

Hey, Maxi.

Lucero, Lula's sister, wrote me, from Norway...

and asked me about Pedro's brand new boyfriend.

Well, not boyfriend.

Remember I told you about Lula's sister?

I do.

Friends with rights, he doesn't like tags.

I like that one.

- That was a TV show. - Yes, have you seen it?

Listen, friends with rights.

She asked me for a picture because she doesn't believe...

Pedro is so in love.

Can I?

Yes.

No, but...

come.

- There? - Yes, sit here.

There.

Come on, dude.

You look like friends.

A kiss, really.

A kiss, a little one.

- Don't be an asshole. - A little one.

Come on, Lula, do it.

Are you embarrassed now?

Are you kidding me?

Come on.

A little kiss.

Just the tip.

So fake.

Why?

She won't buy it.

I sent her photos of everyone...

of you being straight.

Come on, more passion.

Come.

Passion, passion.

They were kids again.

So?

I got distracted watching.

Now I get boys with lesbians.

Don't be a whore, love.

Lula, come on.

What happened with the king of sexual freedom...

kissing in the street and that stuff?

Maybe he's uncomfortable.

I have no problem, each kiss is like the first.

See?

Just one more, I'll take the picture.

Right.

Well, done.

- Now? - Now it's ok.

So Hollywood.

Yes, Morningwood.

I'll make some coffee, the day started really high.

Morningwood kiss.

Can I use that charger?

Use it.

I didn't get Morningwood.

Is it just my idea or his dick was hard?

Of course, love...

Moringwood is when you wake up hard.

I didn't know it.

Pedro.

Come.

What?

What's up? It's a bet, but he'll end up in Hollywood.

Like you, who gets hard with the belt pouch.

Mine is tight, it's different.

Horrible.

You liked it, didn't you?

I don't know if thanking you...

or telling you to fuck off.

If tomorrow Lucero doesn't believe it...

we send her a picture of a nice blowjob.

A selfie, in the room.

I'll take it, no problem.

Fuck off.

You liked it.

You had a great time, enjoyed the show.

You silly.

Well, let's say we start dating...

you meet my mother and she asks how we met...

what will you say?

I have it.

He was straight.

The doctor said that when he gave him to you.

Asshole.

So...

I don't know why he started fucking men.

We were just friends, I swear.

I'm single and decided to give him a hand.

And when I'm fucking him, I take my dick out...

a little brown thingy.

Asshole.

And I saw it, too small...

like a grape seed, but it was perfectly...

heart-shaped.

I saw it, it was a sign, I fell in love.

So we fucked in hiding...

until we started dating.

So idiot.

Hey.

Your mother accepted it, but who's telling your father?

That's difficult.

I will.

Hey, dad.

Remember "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"?

There was the kid, the wolf...

and the part of the poo.

There wasn't poo?

Well, now there is.

How is that-?

Directly, no filter.

You are disgusting.

Well, you used hearts, but I-

I made it nice.

All we have to have so no one has nothing to do...

so they can lie in the sand, facing the sun...

with an empty head...

and lie with women.

That's what you want sometimes, said Angel...

and sometimes you don't.

You always want it.

It's the guys.

What's up?

They are in Ostende, they'll spend the afternoon.

Is it a beach?

Yes, an area nearby.

They shall bring pastries.

What do we do about Sabrina's?

Want to go alone?

I find this silly game of being a couple funny...

but I don't know...

I like it more than being near her.

Think a plan B.

We're still dating, you have until tomorrow.

Once in Buenos Aires you call her...

and see what you feel.

Without me in the middle.

Is that your fantasy?

What?

Us fucking, the tension disappearing...

me with my ex, and we being friends.

No, you want to fuck me, that's yours.

And what's yours?

What do you want to hear?

That you are hot?

You are insanely hot.

You want to fuck?

I'll take my pants off and do it, now.

Regarding your ex, I'm happy if you're happy.

Always friends, that won't change.

Can I be honest?

Yes, we're already in too deep.

Obviously, I want us to fuck.

Let's make love.

I'm serious.

Here in the sofa.

Critters.

Critters, Maxi. We can't joke now.

I'm putting my hand in your pants...

and you go "we are friends, take it out, it hurts."

Fine, we can't joke with Critters.

But yes, I want to.

I'm scared of hurting you...

or ruining our friendship.

I don't want that.

Then we don't fuck.

Why crossing that line if we are fine now.

Look...

I come close to your neck at night.

And while you snore I smell you...

and I jerk off.

A few and you haven't noticed.

I'm sure that's true.

I won't lie, it's a mixture of...

the smell of the cologne you shouldn't use and the sun.

Tasty.

Do you want to fuck me?

Maxi, I'm an astronaut.

You are the one afraid of outer space.

What should I say? Ask you out?

Do you want to be my boyfriend?

Do you want? Or don't you?

Do you?

Done.

Guys suck, don't we?

Don't ask me, I love them.

Think about it.

What?

I'm hungry.

I am too.

I think I have...

eggs and biscuits.

Think about it. Being my boyfriend.

Right.

Decide. If you want...

I'll decide.

Maybe I don't want to.

Pay attention.

Can you hear?

What?

Can't you hear it?

What?

The laughs of all the girls you fucked.

They asked if you only wanted to fuck them.

You are an idiot.

Just for you to know.

Sabri's friends say we are a nice couple.

Yes?

Think about it.

Hi.

What happened?

He's so silly.

Yes.

Everything ok?

Everything ok, and you?

Fine.

Have you ever dated girls?

Yes, but it was...

just...

sex stuff.

Right.

I have, too.

- Yes? I didn't know. - Yes.

I loved girls sexually.

They were the best.

But one morning...

one of them wanted to cuddle and I didn't.

Now I tell them in advance it's just sex.

To avoid problems.

Exactly.

Has he told you about our break up?

Yes, he told me...

well...

a failed threesome.

Yes, more or less.

Come on, Fede.

It's all right, we know each other.

And when little?

He was lucky, medium to big size.

- Maybe some little. - Yours.

"Take it out it hurts."

And you "Is it in? I can't feel it?"

And I'm supposed to be the first one.

We were talking about this with Sabrina.

Let's see.

- Don't look yet. - Sorry.

Set a minute.

One, two, now!

What?

Wank, penis, giant? What's that?

- Do something else. - Right.

You can't talk.

Another thing.

- Ghost. - Yeah!

Frankenstein.

Dawn of the Dead.

Hakuna...

- Lion King! - Yeah!

Great, continue.

The Da Vinci Code.

ET, ET!

Hurry.

I know that one, Taxi Driver.

Right, right.

Hurry.

Femur. A Space Odyssey.

You are kidding me.

Snow White.

Wait, the last two don't count.

Lovely.

You knew the cards.

No, we know each other deeply.

Well, focus now.

Time?

Yes, this thing.

One, two...

now.

The Little Mermaid.

What's that?

We won't fit there.

How will we sleep?

Come on.

I died down there.

I just did our stuff,

I didn't know you'd get them all.

That Antonela, isn't she?

Antonela didn't buy it.

The last one was impossible, Snow White.

And the previous one?

Amazing, dude.

I've talked to Sabrina.

She told me about your break-up.

Yes, well...

I told you, but I omitted the part...

where the third man was my best friend...

and she fucked him anyway.

Right.

We were close.

Now I realize, but at that moment...

I was afraid everything will be weird.

A little like you.

This summer you're my best friend.

I like you.

Let's taste this.

Pretty good.

I kissed you, right?

Yes.

You aren't gay, are you?

What?

Sabrina told me everything.

You are friends pretending to be together.

What?

When did Sabri say that?

This morning.

She told him if he fucked him, he'll get a second chance.

I don't buy you two fucking, you're too straight.

Will they get back together?

Who?

Sabri and Maxi.

I don't know.

I really don't know.

I'll heat some water.

No way.

What's up?

- Everything ok? - Yes.

Have you seen Pedro?

He left.

He said you knew he was leaving.

No, he didn't tell me.

Did something happen?

No, Anto talked to him...

and asked about the plan and you and Sabrina.

What plan?

For fuck's sake.

Sorry, I-

How do you know that?

Did Sabri tell you?

Yes, sorry, I asked Pedro...

you were the ones behind this shit.

Fine, fine.

- What's up? - What's going on?

I'll tell you later.

Are you a couple or not?

No.

I'm leaving, we'll talk later.

Pedro!

God damn it.

Pedro!

Pedro.

Sorry, Pedro.

It's fine, Maxi, it's alright.

It's not.

Yes, it's fine.

I shouldn't have lied.

Sabrina was the perfect excuse to dare being with you.

Really, don't worry.

You're crying.

Sorry.

I love that you are crying.

I feel like an idiot for being the reason.

But I'm mad about you.

I just want to be with you.