Original subtitles

Thank you.

Good morning, boss. Good morning, Datu. Well, you seem rather light on your feet

this morning.

I knew it. It shows already.

Oh, it does indeed.

Whatever it is.

I'm taking dance lessons.

Dance lessons?

By mail. It's fantastic.

They say that in ten lessons, I will become just like Fred Astor.

Really?

Look at this, boss.

Organize it.

The hula.

Hi.

Watch my hand. They're supposed to tell a story.

Oh, I have been watching your hands, and do you know what they just told me?

What? That we are going to miss our incoming guests unless we leave here

now.

Mr. Brian Kehoe all the way from Texarkana, Texas.

Mr. Kehoe is a rodeo clown.

But for this weekend, he wants to be a star of the rodeo with all the trappings

that go with it.

I know why he wants to be a star. Why?

Because he gets the girls.

Mr. Kehoe wants to impress someone much more important than that, too.

He wants desperately to impress his 11 -year -old boy.

You mean his son does not know that he's a rodeo clown?

I'm afraid not.

You see, father and son haven't seen each other for nine years.

After Mr. and Mrs. Kehoe were divorced, Mrs. Kehoe kept him from ever visiting

the boy.

That's sad.

Yes, it is.

But Tommy kept in touch with his father by using an old friend of Mr. Kehoe's as

a go -between for the letters.

Unfortunately, Mr. Kehoe wanted Tommy to be proud of him, so he told many...

On truth, in his letters.

And true, you mean, like if he was already a star?

And now he wants you to make it come true.

But, is something wrong with her?

She looks like she's just arrived from the North Pole.

That is Nadine Winslow and her husband Harvey. Unfortunately, the good woman

lives in a perpetual state of influenza.

Also, gout, heartburn, shooting pains, allergies are an incredible array of

symptoms which have defied diagnosis at some of the finest medical facilities in

the world.

You mean she's an alpaconia? Yes, but she sincerely believes her ailments are

real, so for years she's lived a life of noble suffering.

That must be a bummer for her and her husband.

Precisely why her fantasy is to find a cure for her many illnesses and those

bring her misery to an end.

But, boss, how can we find a cure if she only thinks she's sick?

My dear guest, I am Mr. Rourke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Boy's mother died.

Well,

they sent Tommy to live with his aunt.

Poor lady had to listen to two months of that boy pleading just to see me.

When I learned she finally gave in, I kind of felt like the steer next in line

at the slaughterhouse. I mean, once we met, it wouldn't take that boy long to

figure out I've been lying to him all this time about my being a big hot dog.

You know what I mean?

We will certainly do our best to see that everything is, uh, okay.

Shall we go in, Mr. Kehoe?

Wow!

Woo!

Hey, ain't this something?

Is everything to your satisfaction, Mr. Kehoe?

You kidding?

Why, uh...

I never, uh, never seen a place like this, much less staying. Oh, I'm very

pleased. Oh, by the way, call me Barrels. Everybody else does. Oh, Mr.

Fantasy Island, you are a man of considerable stature.

You will notice the championship emblems and trophies are engraved with your

name.

Oh, no one will be calling you Barrels here.

No.

What about my boy? Uh, when's he get here? Uh, Tommy's already on the island

very anxious to meet you.

He is, sir.

Yes, I'll take you to see her in an hour.

Meanwhile, in the closet, you'll find a wardrobe befitting a rodeo star.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yes.

You know something?

If that woman hadn't have been so hateful, God rest her, I never would

to write any of them lies.

Yes.

I will see you in an hour. Will you excuse me?

Gesundheit, Miss Winslow. Oh, thank you. Oh, I hope my fantasy comes true. I

hardly have the strength to go on anymore.

Mr. Watt?

Yes. Miss Winslow?

Gesundheit.

I'm von Helsing, and I've just completed my preliminary examination of your case

history. Yes?

And? And I find it quite interesting. Sit down, please.

Why don't you just say what all the other so -called experts have said?

There's nothing wrong with me. I suffer, suffer, suffer, and nobody can find

anything wrong.

Will you cross your legs, please?

Now tell me, please, if this feels like a sharp pain or a dull thump.

Sharp pain.

Dull thump.

Sharp thumb.

No, no, no, no. Thumping sharpness.

Oh.

What is it?

You can't find anything wrong with me, can you?

On the contrary, dear lady.

This merely confirms my previous diagnosis.

I'm afraid I find a great deal wrong.

In fact, I'm afraid you don't have long to live.

What? Dr. Van Helsing, surely there is a gross error.

Do you think that I would be mistaken in a matter as serious as this?

If she takes care of herself, proper diet, rest, and so forth, Mrs. Binslow

perhaps as much as five or six weeks.

Oh, my poor dear lady.

All those years of agony, and you were right all along.

Yes, I said I was sick.

And this is the proof.

I'm going to die.

You can't get sicker than that.

I've got to think.

Excuse me.

What?

You were absolutely magnificent.

I think so, too. You know, it's always been my fantasy to play doctor and to be

able to inform a patient of fatal illness. So that was the icing on the

You will, of course, inform the poor lady there's absolutely nothing wrong

her. Oh, of course, of course.

But I think for the moment we should let her luxuriate in her sorrow.

And now I believe you have other patients due to arrive.

Doctor? Oh, yes, a whole chorus line with chest colds.

I sure feel like a gut -fed -up rooster.

If I were you, I'd try to relax a little, Mr. Guido.

The father your son is expecting, the king of the rodeo, wouldn't be nervous.

And there he is.

He's a lot finer looking lad than in the pictures my sidekick sent me.

Indeed he is.

Well?

Aren't you going to introduce us to some?

Oh, I don't think that's necessary.

Do you?

Tommy?

Dad.

How are you, boy?

Good to see you, Dad.

God, it's good to see you, boy.

I've been waiting for this a long time.

Kevin, this is my dad I've been telling you about.

He's the best bronc riding, bulldog and bull riding cowboy ever.

It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.

Well, nice meeting you, Kevin.

I promised Kevin you'd tell us about the time in Dallas when you won all four

events.

Well, now, maybe Kevin doesn't care about hearing all about that rodeo and

stuff. Hey, look who's here.

That's Casey West.

Next to my dad, just about the most famous rodeo rider in the world.

Hey, look, boys, let's just take a little walk around the house here.

I was hoping I'd get to see you. How are you doing?

Oh, just, uh...

Just fine.

I'm just doing fine. Nice to see you boys. Well, now, which one of these

broncos is the one you're always talking about?

Well, this is my son.

My son, Tommy.

And this is his friend, Kevin. Howdy, Tommy.

Howdy. Kevin, how you doing? It's a real honor to meet you, sir. Very nice

compliment from a boy whose father is famous as he is.

Say, I want to thank you for inviting me to compete, Brian. I mean, it's a

privilege. Believe me, it's a real privilege. Mr. Keel.

It's a real honor to get to ride against a man like you.

Me too, Mr. Keogh. It should be a lot of fun.

Casey, come on.

I'm coming to see you in a while, okay?

Fellas, just... Hey, look, you boys, why don't you just go on over there and

wait for me a minute? I'll be right with you.

Mr. Rourke?

Hey, what's going on? I mean, those boys are some of the biggest names in the

rodeo. And what blazers are they thanking me for?

For inviting them to compete in the Brian Kehoe Invitational. Well, it

only proper that one of the old -time greats would put on his own rodeo and

invite only the best to compete against him.

Compete against me?

Look,

Mr. Rourke, I used to be a fair -to -middle and bronc rider about a dozen

back or so, but that was before I got all busted up.

That's why I turned to clowning.

All I was good for, you know.

There's just no way in the world I'm going to be able to compete against

guys. Have faith, Mr. Gil.

Enjoy yourself until the rodeo and get to know your son.

I intend to do that.

Hey.

Hey, T, look at that.

Neatest looking waterfall I ever saw.

Come on, pal.

Eighteen. Twelve. High.

Go on, Antoine. Now.

Hey, attaboy.

Come on, bring it in for a touch. I got

you that time, Tiger.

Oh, Dad.

be just you and you.

I am so sorry I was delayed.

It went slow. I didn't want you to be alone in your time of tribulation.

But, boss, she was not alone. I was right here, fixing her many of my famous

coconut bonbons.

I can tell you've regained your composure since Dr. Van Helsing gave you

terrible news. You must be a very, very strong woman. Me?

Yes, I...

I must be strong, all right.

But I'm also pretty selfish. No, no, I can't accept that. Yeah, selfish.

When the doctor told me I was through, I didn't even think about my husband. I

mean, what's going to happen to poor Harvey when I'm... He's such a sweet,

innocent, adorable man.

Some gold digger's going to sink her claws into him like a hawk nails a

True. Losing you will create a large void in his life. It's only natural that

will be vulnerable and perhaps unwise.

You know it, Charlie.

You'll probably wind up giving away our export -import business to some floozy.

Tattoo hit me again.

Oui, madame. Voilà, voilà.

Well...

There is a way to protect Harvey. Really?

Tell me, please. I'm desperate.

Well, I'm sure you know that historically, the crown heads of the old

handpicked their successors to ensure the continuity of their policies and the

safety of their kingdoms.

Perhaps a woman of your courage would do the same.

You mean I can pick Harvey's next wife before I check out?

How? Well, perhaps the two and I can help in that respect. You see, tonight

the game, Master Bingo, there will be a very special event created just for Mrs.

Winslow and her husband.

There will?

Ah, Mrs. Winslow.

Hey, you're getting too good for me, you know that?

Boy, this is the best day I ever had in my whole life.

I'm kind of here for myself.

I wish Mom was alive.

She'd see how wrong she was for keeping us apart.

Hey, none of that now.

Your mom did what she thought was right.

Yes, sir.

March, you're moved.

Dad? I can stay with you all the time now, can't I?

You'd want to do that?

Please?

Well, I don't really know.

I'm almost 12, you know.

I can take care of myself.

I wouldn't be any trouble.

Boy, you're a big boy, all right.

There's still school and all that stuff, you know, that kind of thing.

Well, I'm traveling around the country all the time.

Maybe in a couple of years, huh?

Hey, it's getting pretty late. Why don't you get the sack? We got a big day

tomorrow.

Tommy? Yeah? That doesn't mean I wouldn't be able to come visit you down

aunt's place whenever I had the chance, you know.

Sure.

Good night, Dad.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to play a new game that should be very popular

with a gentleman in the audience.

It will give one lucky man the chance to choose his fantasy female. A woman who

is fantastically right for him in every respect.

Is the blindfold in place, the fool?

Life on, on, boss. Then let's go into the audience and pick today's contestant

at random.

Indeed.

Why don't we leave and take a walk around the lagoon? One more.

Four.

Hurry now, the two. Hurry.

The sooner you make your selection, the sooner some fortunate gentleman will get

to meet not one, but three gorgeous candidates to choose from.

You must make the right decision, the two.

There isn't much time left.

I never saw you before in my life, right?

Wrong. I met you this morning.

That doesn't matter here. The game is everything. Take him to the stage, the

two. It is time to play Find Your Fantasy Female.

Let's hope one of the three candidates meets with your approval, Mrs. Winslow.

If I see one I like, I'll give him a thumbs up.

All right, let's have a nice round of applause for our contestant.

Meet his fantasy female number one.

She is the stunning person, the key punch operator whose hobbies are

television while doing her nails.

As ambitious as she is beautiful, Connie would like to study marine biology

because she loves marine.

Also sailors, air force men, and long -haul truckers. What do you have to say

that, Harry Winslow?

Pleased to make your acquaintance. Well, you should be. Connie is a very lovely

young lady, isn't she, folks?

And now, let us find out who is behind

door number two.

with an interest in ancient languages.

Her favorite composer is Beethoven, and she hopes one day to record her personal

arrangement of his Ninth Symphony on the note blue.

Let's have a nice, warm welcome for Miss Baker.

And now, for contestant number three, let's hear it for Miss Monica Johnson.

Monica is a gym teacher and physical educationist at Heffel White School for

Girls. She doesn't believe that brawn alone is a substitute for brain.

Therefore, she made an in -depth graduate study of medieval pottery.

Her master's dissertation on Elizabethan chamber pots is recognized as the

definitive work on the subject. She likes to think of herself as a good guy.

Choose your fantasy female, Harvey Winslow.

One of these lovely young ladies who will be just right for you.

Time is running out quickly. You must choose now.

Will it be contestant number one?

fantasy female.

I've got a wife sitting out there.

And number three it is. Monica Johnson is your fantasy

You and your son are enjoying yourselves?

Yeah, yeah. We got to know each other real easy like.

Go. The boy's asleep now. I see. I had to talk to you.

Oh, of course. Sit down, please. Please have a seat.

Is something wrong?

My fantasy.

My fantasy is what's wrong.

You wanted to be a rodeo star.

That is what we made you, isn't it?

Yeah, that's what I thought I wanted.

But I didn't know you were going to stage a rodeo and that I was supposed to

compete in it. Don't you think that if I... If I was still able to compete,

that I would, instead of being a clown?

Look, Mr. Rourke, I've been alone...

Most of my life, it was Tommy's mother, but that went bad a lot of years back.

After this weekend, I guess I'll be alone the rest of my life.

My kid Tommy, I'd give the world for him.

He can't know that I'm just a clown.

A loser.

You promised me that.

I am well aware of what I promised you, Mr. Kehoe.

And as I assured you before, this is Fantasy Island.

You must have faith in us.

Harvey, dear.

I don't know why you don't get into your swim trunks and take a little dip.

Oh, look.

There's that nice Monica.

She's going in, too.

I bet you and Monica could play a great game of water polo together.

Dean, I wish you'd stop trying to pull me off on that girl. It's like you're

trying to push us together.

Oh, nonsense.

I just hate to see a vital, sporty guy like you having to sit around with an

stick in the mud like me.

Look, I love you, Snedler.

Of course it is.

Honey,

do you think you could reach back and get me my sunglasses?

Sure.

Run!

He can't swim!

What?

Thank you, sweetheart. I'll see she got a medal.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go to the bungalow, put on my wet suit.

All right, dear.

Monica, can we speak frankly, woman to woman?

I don't know why not. Good.

I'd like you to marry my husband.

Um, excuse me, I really have to go now. Oh, no, no, it's not like you think.

You see, I'm going to die.

Yes, very soon.

And you look to me like the kind of girl that would make Harvey very happy.

I'm very honored that you would pick me, but... Oh, but if you got to know

Harvey, you'd jump at the chance.

For ten years, we worked side by side in our export -import and peace business

before we started making it.

We were so happy.

I didn't start getting sick until I stayed home, being a lady of leisure.

I don't see really how I could be of any help to you.

Think to find a way.

Now, look, you've been around long enough to know that you just don't get

into bronc riding in one day. Besides, remember what the doctor said. Why don't

you quit? I mean, you get busted up one more time and you just might not walk

away. Will you shut up about that?

That ain't nobody's business.

Look, I got to at least try it, don't I?

Yeah, I guess you do. Go ahead.

Just relax a little bit.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

Good luck.

Anytime, Frank.

Open it up.

You just can't do it, Mr. Rourke.

Well, I'm afraid, like it or not, Mr. Kehoe will have to go along with our

alternate plan.

Tattoo, the floor, all those papers, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm trying to learn the waltz, boss.

This is lesson number four.

Well, I hate to be critical, but it appears you're not succeeding too well.

Oh, it's not my fault, boss.

It's the fault of this stupid monkey.

He does not know his left foot from his right foot.

You know you can't be outdoors too long. You get chilled.

Then it's two weeks in bed with the crew.

Why don't we stay back here and see a movie?

Oh, no. I'd enjoy a nice boat ride and a picnic.

Hurry up. This is the last boat. Why, Miss Johnson, we're sharing the same

Isn't this nice?

Yes, isn't it?

On the boat.

Go on. Get in, dear. Okay.

Oh, bless you.

That reminds me. I forgot my inhaler. Yeah, I'll get it. Oh, no. No, no. You

stay here, dear. I'm not dead yet.

It's just an expression.

Sit down, dear.

You forgot your own.

What do I do?

They will be all right, won't they?

Yes, they will be. The tide will take them all around the island to a place

called Lover's Cove.

Lover's Cove?

Thank you. I hope I am not intruding, Mrs. Winslow. Only on my thought, Mr.

Roark.

I just keep thinking about giving Harvey away to that other woman.

It is a far, far better thing you do, Mrs. Winslow, than air you have done.

I suppose so, Mr. Roark. Harvey does need someone to take care of him. Oh,

will be the waiter. Excuse me.

Ah, yes. Come in.

I took the liberty of ordering you some of Tattoo's...

Coconut boom -boom. Coconut boom -boom? Even that won't help? Well, perhaps if

you had several.

Just set it right down here, waiter.

You... You can't be a waiter. You're Dr. Von Helsing.

Oh, no, madam. Did Mr. Rock tell you? I'm just a waiter who's always wanted to

be a doctor, and Mr. Rock helped me do it.

Then if you're not a doctor, you didn't know what you were talking about.

You might say that, yes.

and I'm not going to kick the bucket, right?

Right? Well, how should I know? I'm only a waiter.

What is this? You were supposed to give me my fantasy to find out what was wrong

with me and cure me.

And so I did, Mrs. Winslow. By confronting you with the actual

your own demise, I cured the only thing really wrong with you, your morbid

concern for your health.

You monster!

I sent my husband out to Love's Cove with that sex bomb because I thought I

doomed!

How do I find Lover's Cove?

On the far side of the island. Now, the best way to get there is by boat.

Oh, but that will take hours. Hours?

Or you could go overland through the woods. But that's why to run.

Point me. Out the door and to the right.

Does this mean I won't get my tip?

See you, Monica.

I feel very cold.

Oh, I brought some blankets.

I love it.

Thank you.

Do you feel it too?

What?

What I feel.

I think so.

Hold it!

Get any closer to my old man, I'll bust your chop. I want my husband back. I'm

not going to die just yet. Give me a kiss, Harvey.

You're a very lucky girl.

He's a sweetheart.

All right. How did you get here?

I ran.

You ran?

Harvey, darling, there's absolutely nothing wrong with me.

You mean you're well again like you used to be?

Uh -huh.

And I think I understand why.

I think I was just so worried that some lady was going to...

Nag you out from under my runny nose a beautiful man like you but I I kept

getting sick So I could keep you tied to me.

You didn't have to be thick to keep me tired I've always been yours and always

will be

Rodeo clowns are so funny.

Clowns aren't just for laughs and rodeos, son.

They save lives.

They look like jerks to me.

Ready?

All set.

Tommy, why don't you want to stay here? It's very dangerous in the chute area.

And besides, this is the best seat in the house.

Mr. Roark's right, Tommy. I want you getting hurt, you know.

Okay, Dad.

They're waiting for you, Mr. Hill.

What are we supposed to do?

Trust me.

Don't forget the bandanas.

and spirit.

I've felt so ashamed in my life. Really?

But your son thinks you're a great rodeo star.

be riding the bull.

No, I, I weren't son.

I weren't riding the bunk either.

It was all staged for you.

See, I'm a, I'm not really a big star. I'm just a broken down

old rodeo clown. Kind of bum your mother always said I was.

I'm sure sorry to disappoint you boy.

You want more?

I don't know how you feel about your daddy, son, but all I can say is there's

not a man among us whose life he hasn't saved more than once.

That's right, boy.

There never was a time when I needed Keogh that he wasn't there.

A man doesn't live to be a champion without the help of the clowns.

But he lied to me.

Well, it's just that he was worried that you might not love him if you found out

what he really is.

That plane.

Mr. Rourke said you were on it.

I didn't want to go.

I had to see you again.

Maybe you'll just make me go away.

But I don't care if you're a rodeo star or a clown or anything else.

You're my dad, and I love you.

I don't know what to say, boy.

Say that I can stay with you.

That we can be a family.

Please.

I love you.

But I ain't got anything.

No money.

I ain't even got a... Whoever said that the relationship between a father and

son depended on money?

Or material work.

Look into that boy's eyes.

And you'll realize you have everything, Mr. Kehoe.

Please.

Well, I... I guess I can try, can't I, son?

Thank you. My pleasure, Mrs. Winslow.

Oh,

we want to thank you for finally curing me, Mr. Roark.

And for the fulfillment of my fantasy tune.

You, Harvey? You had a fantasy tune?

Yep. One that came true in the last two days.

We were able to have a second honeymoon that was as good as the first one. Oh,

Harvey, you had some broth.

Thank you. Very well, that was way too long. Thank you. Way too long.

Son. Well, Mr. Rourke, I sure do want to thank you for everything.

It wasn't exactly what I expected, but it sure turned out a lot better than I

ever thought it would.

It sure did.

I got me a full -time dad now.

A real champion, too.

Take good care of each other, huh?

You can bet your bottom dollar on that one.

Right, partner?

Right, Dad.

Come on, let's hit her for the barn, shall we?

Tell me, Tattoo, how goes your dance lesson?

Well, I just finished lesson number five and I quit.

But you were going to be the next Fred Astaire.

Yeah, but they always got the girl at the end of the movie.

So what's wrong with that?

I've got a better idea.

One, two, three, kick.

One, two, three, kick.

One, two.