Original subtitles

Tattoo? Tattoo?

I'm coming, boss. I'm coming.

Good morning, boss.

I'm sorry to be late, but my breeches keep falling down.

Might one ask why you are wearing that rather bizarre outfit?

Oh, boss, thanks.

Miss Vera Templeton, the millionaire lady who owns Moon Madness Cosmetics, is

coming to Fantasy Island, right?

Indeed, Chief. Tattoo?

And she's going to film a lipstick commercial.

So? So, maybe she's going to need a director.

And who is the most qualified and talented and experienced filmmaker on

island?

Tattoo, you've been fantasizing again.

Boss, you know a better place to do so.

Smiles, everyone, smiles.

Miss Vera Templeton of Moon Manor Cosmetic Incorporated. Correct, my

the little girl with her is her niece, Tracy, whom she has raised from infancy.

The rather proper gentleman is Benson, the family butler, chauffeur, and man of

all words.

Well, I think I do better to see her and see if she needs a director.

It is just possible that Miss Templeton might find use for your...

talents on the set. But I must tell you that making the commercial is not her

primary purpose for being here.

It is not?

You see, the lady has a fantasy.

She does?

Mrs. Templeton is on the verge of bankruptcy.

It is therefore her fantasy to find a husband who is wealthy enough to keep

from losing her business and thus saving what she feels is her niece's rightful

inheritance. Because she is an impulsive and warm -hearted lady.

She has made a great many unwise investments, including loans to people

no intention of paying her back.

Oh, sure.

She looks like a very nice lady, but kind of cuckoo. Where we're going to

rich pigeon to marry her and her niece and her butler and her dogs?

That, my friend, is my fantasy.

Boss, I've seen that man before.

It's Cleo Drake, the famous actor.

That's right.

And the pretty lady with him is his wife, Carmen.

Um, which one of them has a fantasy book?

Mr. Drake. You see, he is what they call a method actor.

Oh, I see. He likes to become the party player.

Just like Silver Top Talon or Rocky.

Precisely, precisely the two of them. Because he is a method actor, he has

here to prepare for his next and most challenging movie role. A preparation

could prove...

Very dangerous.

Boss, what movie is he going to work on?

A remake of Dracula.

You mean, Leo Drake's fantasy is to become a vampire?

My dear guests, I am Mr. Rock, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Hello, Tracy.

Benson. How is the moon madness lipstick commercial coming along?

It's the pits, Mr. Rourke.

And Vera? She got Sidney Tempest to direct.

He couldn't direct traffic in a one -way tunnel. What a meatball.

And Vera has a weakness for yo -yos.

Stella, are you in the mood?

I think so.

Quiet on the set, please. I must have quiet to create the proper mood.

Good morning.

Oh, how nice to see you again, Mr. Rourke. Thank you, Mrs. Templeton. Your

island is divine.

Tomorrow morning, I shall dash on the beach in the nude and throw seashells up

to the rising sun.

Ah, Monsieur Tattoo.

Enchanté. How nice to see you.

I understand that you are a vivid fan of the cinema. I hope that you shall give

me an honest critique of my commercial.

Everybody, take your places.

Miss Templeton will be ready for the run -through at any moment. Ah, Sidney,

darling.

Yes, Miss Templeton. Sidney, darling.

Can we have a run -through?

Run -through!

Run -through!

Is your aunt always so, um...

Energetic. What do you fear after she has a couple of martinis?

Flames shoot out of her nose.

Quiet on the set.

Quiet on the set.

I shall read the commercial copy during the performance.

Music.

Wind.

Camera.

Action. A tropical night.

Brunswick. The maddening beat of the drums. And you are alone.

Alone.

Then he is there.

I'm still waiting for my breeze.

And then you know what you must do.

Where's my tropical breeze? I need wind blowing through my palms at once.

Moon madness to the rescue.

Where's my breeze?

Turn on the machine!

Turn it on!

I'll do better next time.

Sidley, darling.

It pains me to tell you this, but you are too immature to direct my

But luckily, I kept the position for you as a parking lot attendant.

Better luck next time.

Of course.

Oh, what am I going to do? No director, nobody to direct my

commercial.

Monsieur Tattoo, you are my only hope.

I am?

Could you take over the direction of my commercial, please?

Of course.

For you, I do anything.

Trust me, darling.

But first, I've got to check with my actors.

Tracy, Benton, why don't you go ahead and see if you can be of any help to

Monsieur Pepto?

Oh, okay.

Well, how did I do?

Perfect, Mrs. Templeton.

You made a commercial theme of vital importance to you. Nobody will ever

it was just your cover story while you're actually hunting for a rich

Good, good.

You see, no man is more nervous than when he finds out that the woman is on

prowl for a mate.

Oh, by the way, when am I going to meet my prospective mate?

At a cocktail party I've arranged for this afternoon.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Mr. and Mrs. Drake, there is one thing you should know about the people of this

village. They don't care much for strangers.

Then you'd advise us to stay close to the castle. Oh, I would.

But I should also explain that even though the castle has been vacant for a

time, it still does not enjoy a good reputation.

What do you mean, Mr. Rohr?

The people of the village believe there is something evil about the place.

No one ever goes near her.

Grandma, there's something wrong.

He's come back, just as I knew he would. Who?

Him.

Ever since we left the village, I've had an uneasy feeling.

And now, this place scares me.

Perhaps it's the old world and beyond.

The area is populated by rather interesting people, descendants of

came from somewhere in Romania many generations ago. They live very much as

their forebears.

Romania? Yes, where Transylvania is.

Or was. Yes, we know. Leo's ancestors came from there.

Well, history's a little obscure.

Some say my ancestor might have been the original.

Count Dracula.

That's all I've heard.

Yes, excuse me.

Oh, one more thing, Mr. Drake.

I mentioned before that this castle has a sinister reputation.

Every time I've come here, I've felt... Well, I wouldn't exactly call it fear.

But there is a definite presence of evil here.

Oh, that's good.

That's very good. Please be careful, Mr. Drake.

Don't confuse imagination with reality.

And don't allow yourself to become... Possessed.

Is that the word you were going to use?

I must be leaving.

I will see you in two days.

Excuse me.

atmosphere.

Leo, I hate to say this. I mean, I know it's your fantasy and everything, but I

just don't like it.

Don't be foolish.

What could possibly go wrong?

The gentlemen will realize this little gathering has been arranged for your

benefit, Mrs. Templeton. Of course.

Of course. So when you are ready... I am ready for the number one contestant of

my prince charming sweepstakes.

Very well.

That exotic gentleman is Sheikh Kemal Fusi, popularly known as the hawk of the

desert. Majority stockholder of transglobal petroleum.

I am offended.

I keep him in mind if I'm desperate.

Very well.

Mr. Cecil Entwistle of Entwistle Tool and Eye.

Next.

Well,

I'm afraid we've come to the last candidate. Mr. Hollis Buford Jr. of HB

Property Enterprises, Dallas, Texas.

Well, he's not exactly Prince Charming, is he?

But then beggars can't be choosers.

Are you sure he's loaded?

Oh, Mr. Buford owns more than 500 acres of choice property.

Well, 500 acres isn't so much.

Where are they?

Downtown Dallas.

Oh.

Excuse me, Mr. Roy. By all means, Mrs. Steppen.

Pardon me, sir.

I need some assistance.

You do?

Could you order me a beverage from the bartender?

I seem to be plum out of grape juice.

You just name your poison, ma 'am.

I'd bite the head off a rattlesnake for you.

You would?

Your business is good, but you, you, you look troubled.

Troubled? Of course I'm troubled.

All of you saw what I saw today.

We saw Mr. Rourke taking some tourists to the castle.

He's back.

I saw him.

Magda saw him. You all saw him. I get too afraid to admit it. Please, Erica,

not start that again.

You are fools, all of you.

I warned you that this day would arrive. For years I have predicted it, and now

it has.

Erica and her predictions.

First she predicts rain, and it never comes. Then she predicts clear weather

planning, and it pours. And now she predicts vampires.

I know the person in that castle has come, Dracula, and he has found us at

We're the descendants of those who fled Transylvania and all that evil hundreds

of years ago.

Grandmother, I'm frightened.

I'll see no harm comes to you.

Leo?

Leo?

Here.

I was wondering where you were.

This place is terrific.

I mean, there are secret rooms and corridors and battlegrounds. I'm cold.

This gives me the creeps.

Where did you get that outfit?

Mr. Rourke.

He didn't forget a thing. How about this?

Well, what do you think?

Oh, Leo, please take those things off. You know this place has a huge basement.

There are lots of rooms and you'll never guess what's in one of them. What? A

coffin. Oh.

Transylvanian dirt. Oh, Leo, you're not going to go that far.

But really weird.

I feel kind of at home here.

Like me and great -great -granddad have a lot in common.

Oh, Leo, don't say that.

I'm starving.

You wouldn't want your favorite vampire to die of malnutrition, would you? Oh,

that's not funny, Leo.

Everybody knows there's only one way to kill Dracula.

A wooden stake right through the heart.

You aren't cold, aren't you?

Why don't you go on?

I'll be down in a minute.

I am sure Beaufort will be riding this way.

Aunt Vera, I can't let you do this.

You've never been on a horse in your life.

And Benson can't ride either. You could get hurt.

Nothing, darling.

Animals love me.

Oh, Benson, do you have your chalk?

Is this part really necessary, Mrs. T?

Oh, Benson, please, please help me, my hour of need.

Okay, Aunt Vera. But you know what? I think you're bananas.

Hollis Buford is a giant nerd.

All right, darling.

Come on, Benson.

Let's hunt up.

Good grief.

You're doing this all wrong.

Mr. Buford, this is my niece, Tracy Sue Tamperton, sir.

Glad to meet you.

Nothing like seeing a family that rides together.

Hello there.

All of us Tampertons ride carventures.

nice fat jackrabbits or maybe a juicy iguana for dinner on the trail.

I'd be mighty proud if you'd consent to join me. What?

Oh, thank God. In fact, I was worried about splitting it.

What's wrong?

I'm not sure who I am.

I bet you're going to like this. Oh, sure.

Out on the prairie where the Snake River bends, a

masked desperado was shot by his friends. One bullet for vengeance, one

for sin.

And after they shot him, they shot him again.

Listen to him.

He sounds like a sheep with the crayons.

Of all the weird boyfriends Aunt Vera has ever had, he is the lowest.

Boy, am I glad you brought this chicken.

If I even had to look at that gung -ho, I'd have fainted. I don't think a hollis

is so bad.

That Cossack poet your aunt brought home kept filling the bathtub with homemade

yogurt. He was really rotten news.

I know. Aunt Vera's picked some real winners.

But what does she see in a cow that could like Buford? Be smooth.

I'll tell you something.

Any man who gets the interest of your Aunt Vera is one lucky so -and -so.

She's honest, smart, funny, and beautiful.

She... Benson, you're in love with Aunt Vera, aren't you?

Well, I... I guess I've always been kind of.

But don't tell her I said so.

Maybe someday she'll need me for something more than toting luggage and

liquor store.

I can never guarantee that.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, boom.

You like it?

I love it, cowboy.

Play it again.

Well, sure, man.

Out on the prairie where the Snake River bends, a masked desperado was shot

by his friends.

One bullet for vengeance, one bullet for sin.

This could go on for some time.

We might as well keep busy.

Like in industrials today.

United magnesium alloy looks like a cover.

I don't know. Before I saw any of my moon mad to stock to go for those high

-risk issues, I'd rather look into gold mine stock on the big board.

What do you think?

Well... All right, take me down,

please.

Pleasure, pleasure, everybody, pleasure.

Remember, on a movie set, the director is king.

I want to do this scene my way.

Now, remember, be passionate.

All right, let's do it.

Sound.

Music.

knows you.

So you put on your moon shadow magnet lipstick, and suddenly he sees you.

You love each other, but you resist.

But the attraction is too strong.

Suddenly, you run into each other's house.

We'll do it later on.

Mrs.

T -Man.

Miss Vera, you made me the happiest hombre in the world.

I'm plumb delighted.

Bye, sugar boys.

Adios, ma 'am.

Help me, Benson.

I think I have a blowout in my body.

I've been out all morning branding cows.

Revolting.

Why'd Buford say you made him happy, Aunt Vera?

Because... Because I promised to marry him. Isn't that marvelous?

You have to call him uncle at once. The wedding is tomorrow.

Benson. Get me to the nearest sauna.

I've got a headache in my leg.

This way, Mrs. T.

Don't forget to call him Uncle.

I won't ever call him Uncle.

I'd rather chew tobacco first.

I'm sorry you're unhappy with your aunt's choice, Tracy.

But I suppose financial pressures are liable to affect anyone's judgment.

What financial pressures?

Aunt Vera's majority stockholder, and she's chairman of the board of Moon

Madness. She's loaded.

Oh, I'm sorry, Tracy.

Perhaps I've said too much already.

Mrs. T will be okay, Tracy. I've got the masseuse working her over in the steam

room.

You're okay, kiddo.

Benson, let's get out the stockholder's financial report on moon madness.

I think Antivirus has been keeping something from us.

That so?

Mm -hmm.

Leo.

Please don't go out again. Leo, you're going way too far with this. It's like

you're not acting the role anymore. It's like you're actually becoming Count

Dracula.

Leo!

Why aren't you in very by?

I want you to be beautiful and rested tomorrow morning for Auntie's wedding.

Oh, it's going to be beautiful.

The preacher is going to stand in the back of the chuck wagon.

Cut the act, Aunt Vera. I know more madness is in the dumper.

Benson and I just went through the figures.

Oh, that's nothing. It's just a passing little problem. It's nothing.

The board of directors will vote you out at the very next meeting.

You'll lose the company in every penny you have.

That's why you're marrying that rich clodhopper, isn't it? Darling, it's my

foolishness that got Moon Madness into trouble. So it's my responsibility to

it out.

You see, if I lose control of the business, 400 of the most trusted

will lose their jobs. And I squandered away your inheritance.

Because, you see, darling...

I want this business to be yours one day.

Because you are the little girl I always wanted and I never had.

But Hollis Buford's such a jerk.

He's such a nice jerk.

And I'm going to try to make him happy.

Now, come on. Let us have a nice smile.

Come on.

And let me do what I have to do.

What? I have those shares of Moon Madness she gave me for my birthday and

Christmas and everything.

And if we put our shares together, maybe we'll have enough votes to keep you up

on the board.

And Benson has some shares, too.

Darling, I do love you, and I really do appreciate the offer, but

you see, we have to be practical.

I have only 30 % of the voting share.

And I need another 21 % to be in control, which is thousands and

shares.

Be strong, my darling.

I need your strength.

The vampire's done. He's killed her.

Can there be any doubt in your mind now? Can there?

Still, we have no proof.

How much proof do you want? How many more young bodies do you want ravaged by

that monster?

Answer me!

The vampire must be destroyed or there will be no peace in our village. Not one

of us will be safe.

Or we'll all sit in our houses at night waiting, just waiting for that monster

to attack.

We must destroy him first.

We must stake through his heart.

Yes!

I know something is wrong You were gone for hours Try to remember

Except in fiction.

It doesn't matter what his name is.

He is a vampire.

The man you seek is an actor, not a vampire.

Magda, you've not seen what he did to her, your so -called actor.

We all know a great deal about vampires, don't we?

Including the fact that they cannot survive the light of day. Isn't that

madame? They crumble to dust when the sun hits them.

Then all we need to do is find the vampire and expose him to sunlight.

The evil creature will be no more.

And none of you good people will be murderers.

A rooster crows.

Soon daylight will be upon us.

Mrs. Drake.

Do you believe that your husband is a vampire?

Certainly not.

But I'm not sure what he believes.

Will you excuse me, please?

Mr.

Drake, will you please follow me?

Will you please stand there?

So?

You can see Mr. Drake is not a vampire.

He never was.

What about Magda?

What about... I can clear that up also.

Tattoo.

You see?

No teeth marks on her pretty neck.

And your own village doctor confirmed that this young lady was drugged.

She's still a bit sleepy, I think.

The widow Erica.

Where is she? Gone.

Vanished somewhere.

You see, she knew the girl Magda was unharmed.

In fact, she even placed the puncture marks on her neck herself.

But why?

To incite her fellow villagers to murder you, Mr. Drake.

And using the secret of that crime to gain power over them.

Preying upon the unconscious fears, the latent superstitions of others, only to

fatten her own feelings of self -importance.

Mr. Rock?

Thank you.

You're quite a performer yourself.

Dearly beloved and howdy, friend.

I'll commence my service just as soon as the bridegroom arrives, and that ought

to be any moment now.

I wonder why Tracy and Benson aren't here.

Yes, well, I'm sure they'll turn up, Miss Templeton. Oh, I hope so.

Boss, I wish they'd hurry up. I want to reshoot my commercial.

Yes, how thoughtless of them to put an unimportant thing like a wedding ahead

that.

Now you can get on with a serious marrying.

Come on, honey.

Well, now that the hooping and the hollering ceremonial is over, I shall

proceed.

Do you, Vera, Grovesner, Meredith, Dunstable, Templeton, little darling,

this old cow -hand as your lawful wedded husband?

Stop the wedding!

Tracy, what are you saying?

I can tell you what she's saying.

You don't need to marry him.

Here are all the shares you need to retain control of moon metals.

You don't need Buffalo Bull to bail you out.

What do you mean?

Well, it's really quite simple.

All those years Tracy and I were studying the market as a hobby, I was

the shares you gave us for birthdays and bonuses.

Tracy's too?

I'm afraid so.

Even Tracy didn't know about it till this morning.

I just got off the phone with our broker, and here's the current tally.

I have 43 ,000 shares, and Benson has 51 ,855.

For a grand total of 94 ,855.

Annie Vera, you can keep the company.

Yahoo!

Oh.

Don't take this personally.

It just seems that you and I will have to remain ship the path in the night.

Dagnabbit!

Now I gotta get me a date for the rodeo.

What are you doing?

He's doing what I asked him to, Vera.

Vera, if you want to keep the company, there's a string attached.

And I'm it?

Mrs. T, Vera, I love you.

I... Loved you for years.

But I'm through standing in the background while you marry anyone who

you to the altar.

If you want these moon madness shares, you have to marry me.

Why?

I never knew you could be so masterful, Benson.

Maurice.

Maurice.

Maurice.

I love to marry you.

Thank you for all your help.

Oh, it was a pleasure, Mrs. Drake. Should you require assistance in any of

future acting roles, please feel free to return.

Oh, thank you, but I prefer him rehearsing his roles in a good old

home.

Oh, one last thing, Mr. Drake.

I had your genealogy traced, and it appears that one of your ancestors did

indeed come from Transylvania.

What did I tell you?

However, your forebear was not Count Dracula.

But he was the Count's caretaker.

Well, maybe it wasn't in my genes.

Maybe it was all imagination.

Perhaps it was, Mr. Drake.

Thanks, gentlemen.

You're very welcome, Drake.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Well, Mr.

and Mrs. Benson, and how are our two newlyweds?

Ecstatic, Mr.

Roar. And as for your fantasy, there is only one word.

Fantastic. Oh, I am so pleased.

By the way, do you have any news of the TV commercial screening?

As a matter of fact, all of our board of directors saw the commercial this

morning, and they wanted me to convey to you our undying gratitude.

Well, then, I want to know if I'm free to shoot the next commercial.

As a matter of fact, no.

You see, after they saw the commercial, they decided to drop Moon Madness

lipstick completely from our line.

Good luck, Benson.